Tackling body issues and marketing with Brianna Wilkerson

Show Notes

This is for women struggling with how they present themselves online and market their businesses. 

In this episode, I talk with holistic health and life coach Brianna Wilkerson about the deep-rooted issues surrounding body issues that women and women of color face as online entrepreneurs. Brianna offers tips and advice for recognizing these issues and addressing them. 

Find Brianna Wilkerson online at madewell345.com. Listen to one of her podcasts, More Than Your Weight or the Healthy Oily Home. You can also check out her Facebook group, More Than Your Weight Women’s Community. Follow her on Instagram @madewell345. 

Resources mentioned in this episode

• Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
• You Are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero 
• The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson 
• The Black Girl Business Bar Community on Facebook
• Book a clarity call with Khalida

More on Khalida

 

Khalida DuBose is a business mentor specializing in sales strategy. As a previous crowdfunding coach, she supported more than a thousand crowdfunding campaigns and project creators in their quest to bring their dreams, passions, and ideas to the world. Now, she focuses on helping women of color who are early-stage online business owners as they navigate the entrepreneurial journey. For more information on Khalida, visit khalidadubose.com.

 

Follow Khalida on Instagram @khalida.dubose. You can email her at [e-mail].

 

The Black Girl Business Bar is produced by Zuri Berry (@ZMCPodcasts). Music by Vincent Tone and Die Hard Productions.

Creators & Guests

Host

Khalida DuBose

Business + Mindset Coach

Producer

Zuri Berry

Principal Producer at ZMC Podcasts

What is The Black Girl Business Bar?

The Black Girl Business Bar Podcast is for Black entrepreneurial women who crave practical information to implement in their businesses and careers. They want tips and tactics that work and they want on-the-go mentorship that will make a difference in their businesses, projects, and lives.

Hosted by business coach and crowdfunding expert Khalida DuBose, the Black Girl Business Bar is all about letting Black women know what's possible for them in their entrepreneurial journey.

Khalida DuBose: Welcome to the Black Girl Business Bar podcast. I'm your host Holly to do both. This podcast is all about helping you as a woman of color, increase your sales, overcome your mindset blocks and giving you the practical information that you need to thrive in your business and life.

Khalida DuBose: Today, we're talking to Brianna Wilkerson who's a holistic health and life coach and an at-home CrossFitter. Brianna's holistic approach to health helps her clients feel confident in their bodies again, and develop healthy habits and lifestyles. Welcome to the show.

Brianna Wilkerson: Thank you, it's great to be here.

Khalida DuBose: Yes. Yes. Yes. So happy to have this conversation. So I love to give backstory as to why I want to have these types of conversations.

Khalida DuBose: And since we're starting off the new year, and I know everybody thinks about like, all of their resolutions and like how they want to be better. I wanted to have a conversation about body image, particularly in this space for women of color who are marketing online, they're showing up they're highly visible, or at least that's where they would like to be, if they're not right now.

Khalida DuBose: I think that women struggle with this, but I don't think it's always so apparent to us. Like we think that there's something else going on and really we're, we kind of have these beliefs about our bodies that are just kind of getting in the way and we're just running in circles trying to figure out what's going on.

Khalida DuBose: So I've had like multiple clarity calls with women, I have talked to my clients, I myself struggled with this a little bit, like I would say. In my professional career a lot. But even getting in the online space, it was just kind of weird. It was like a whole nother animal, right? And a lot of the women that I know personally, they'll just ask me questions around how can you be confident? You know, when you have to be out there all the time.

Khalida DuBose: So, like I said, just think the kicker here here is that we're not always conscious about what's going on. And so we could be holding ourselves back. And this has real implications for our business, right?

Khalida DuBose: So Brianna, let me have you introduce yourself and then we will get into all of this, of the good stuff, talking about this topic.

Brianna Wilkerson: Yeah, as you said, I am a holistic health coach, meaning I don't just look at the physical part of woman and her health. I really look at the holistic part and I actually think it all ties together. And so as you, even as you're saying right business in the fact that, you know, we could, you know, our body image could affect that and vice versa, like all those things are impacted.

Brianna Wilkerson: So I really like to help women look at the whole picture. But it really started for me in my own journey. And I'll be brief with it, but, you know, just growing up, I was what probably most people would consider overweight and I didn't care. Like I just didn't care about it. It wasn't something that I thought I had to change, but a lot of the women around me were always on diets.

Brianna Wilkerson: And so then there, there was a part of my mindset that was like, okay well, maybe we fix our bodies through what we eat. Like that's just what we do. And it wasn't until I started playing sports that, naturally, you kind of went from zero sports to three sports, lost a lot of weight and was just more concerned about what I ate, that my body changed.

Brianna Wilkerson: I got a lot of affirmation and they started to put the two together, like when I'm smaller or when my body fits a certain standard I'm accepted I belong more. And, you know, that was what I was just entering high school, just hitting the hormones, just hitting puberty. So I was looking to find my place in the world. And fast forward to the end of high school, a hurricane Cayman Islands where I'm from and just caused a lot of change and things got out of control.

Brianna Wilkerson: So I did the opposite and I actually ended running to food for comfort.

Khalida DuBose: Right.

Brianna Wilkerson: And so I went from like barely eating kind of unhealthy, uh, well actually I would say right after the hurricane, I was trying to control my food too much and restrict to the end of high school. Kind of like, just couldn't do it anymore and ate all the time out of my emotions. So I know both ends of the spectrum, but I know even the shame that comes with both. Just feeling like, okay, now I'm too small. Now I'm too big. And just wanting to find my place and my worth and value.

Brianna Wilkerson: And so that continued for a long while. And then eventually just finding my identity and my worth in, for me, my faith, and just really seeing that it wasn't and what I did or how I looked. That just started a healing journey for me. And I was an accountant people. I was not a health coach. Never wanted to start a business, like I thought I was too risky within a very secure job.

Khalida DuBose: Yeah.

Brianna Wilkerson: And I just, after I just knew I was supposed to help other women and it wasn't going to change careers.

Brianna Wilkerson: It was just going to be to do that. And as I started coaching women, I just was like, oh, I want to do this for the rest of my life. Because as you're saying, like, it may start with like, oh, I want to change my health. I want to change my weight. But there's so much bigger issues that is connected to that, that we have never had been given space to explore.

Brianna Wilkerson: And actually we've normalized in our culture that it's normal to be on diets. It's normal to hate your body. It's normal to be at war with your body. And I just wanted to kind of fight that, that very, very grave injustice in my mind. And so I've been doing this about six years and just been really helping women break free of the fear around food. Learn to find, like, peace with their body. Not necessarily saying you don't want to change your body, but really trying to accept where it's

Khalida DuBose: Right.

Brianna Wilkerson: But then through that, rather than picking something quick to change that it's, let's develop healthy habits that's going to take us somewhere over the long haul.

Khalida DuBose: Yeah. That's beautiful. I love that mission because I think a lot of people who are listening that will resonate with them. It does for me, definitely. I went through the same cycle where, when I was thinner, you know, like college times, I was just accepted more. And if you can't maintain that, because usually you're maintaining it in a very unhealthy way.

Khalida DuBose: Like you said, severely under eating. That was my choice, you

Brianna Wilkerson: Right.

Khalida DuBose: of doing it. Or overexercising, or a combination of both. And then, you know, when life hits, if you, if you don't do that, then you swing to the whole opposite side. Right. Um, and as you said, it just becomes like this. This war with your body.

Khalida DuBose: And I think even your choice of there, like, it just makes me so sad to hear that like, our bodies are so wonderful why be

Brianna Wilkerson: Yeah, they're a Wonderland. John Mayer says it, you know.

Khalida DuBose: Right.

Brianna Wilkerson: But you know, like it's just interesting because it's obviously a deeper issue. And, you know, I, I would say I'm a little bit of a feminist in me, but like women just have been told how they should look, how they should act. How they should think. How they should speak.

Brianna Wilkerson: And even when now you probably like, we see a rise in like body positivity and a rise in just like normalizing health at every size, all these different things. We still have those thoughts ingrained in our minds. Even if no one else is seeing it, we still believe like, no, I need to be this way in order to be accepted.

Brianna Wilkerson: And I need to be this way in order to be healthy. And so it's really shifting our mindset in our belief and not just saying it's everyone else's fault, but like really owning where we are perpetuating those thoughts and those actions in our life to break free of that shame that we feel around those areas.

Khalida DuBose: Yeah. I definitely agree. So talk to us a little bit about how these beliefs can help or hinder us.

Khalida DuBose: How affect us from like a business standpoint?

Brianna Wilkerson: I again, I think business, even in business, it's a lot about appearance. Like how you look, how you sound, how you portray yourself. I mean, when you're going into an interview, you don't want to like go in your PJ's. maybe these days you'll wear PGS on the bottom and just your do your interview up top because of COVID and, and the virtual world. But you want to look professional and all these different things. And I think there are just certain standards of beauty that we have said that women need to have and and how they must fit into clothes, how they must look. And so I do believe how we dress how we feel and how we look and bodies has a lot to do with our confidence.

Brianna Wilkerson: And yet, can you be in sweats and think you're all that? Yes, for sure. But I do think, you know I had this person on my podcast who's a stylist and just talking about like, literally stuff shifts when you start to like, just dress up or choose a color that works on you, we feel better. You feel more beautiful, you feel more, all that.

Brianna Wilkerson: And so if you are running a business and regardless if it's online or in person, and you feel like your face is like breaking out your hair is just not like what all that to compare to others. And your body, maybe you don't want to show certain parts of your body because you think that that's, doesn't fit a certain standard, that's going to show in how you communicate and how you non-verbally like sit and act. And even how confident you are in really going to someone saying, hey you, I believe that you're a great fit for my service and I really believe I can help you.

Khalida DuBose: Right.

Brianna Wilkerson: So confidence is definitely linked, not just to our skills, cause I think we think, oh, it's just, am I able to do that? And we feel imposter syndrome, but like, it's linked to how we feel about ourselves. And again, we very much tie how we feel about ourselves to how we look.

Khalida DuBose: I completely agree with you. And I think that where I often see, like I said, at the top of this, where women come to me and the, one of the questions that I always get is like, how do I, how am I going to be confident being out there?

Khalida DuBose: You know, So I get this question in a lot of different ways. And I think the underlying question really is, or what they're experiencing is kind of this underlying fear of not being what they think they should be when they're in front of the camera. So I've heard people say they have like a lot of zoom anxiety.

Khalida DuBose: We're starting to make up new phrases. But like, you know, people struggle. They're like, how can I go live in my group, you know? Or how can I go live on Instagram or whatever? You know, and a lot of people, aren't going to say this out loud, right? But they'll say it behind the scenes. Like when I just don't feel that great about myself, you know. Or when I don't have what somebody else has, you know, but what I'm really hearing is like, I don't look the part. Therefore I don't feel the part, therefore I don't want to do this. And so that's, that's pretty tough. Sowhat are some of the signs when we're experiencing like that little inner turmoil with our bodies? What do you think those signs are?

Yeah, there's a great book. I'm still working my way through actually called when women stop hating their bodies. And I was just like, Ooh, what would happen if women stop hating their bodies? But they talk the writers two, two female writers talk about bad body fever. And just the idea that we're constantly thinking bad thoughts about.

Khalida DuBose: Right.

Brianna Wilkerson: And so often those thoughts are actually connected to something else. And so for an example, in the book, they talk about how a came over to fix it AC or something in a woman's house. And he was saying that we need this part do this. And she was like, actually, I don't think, I don't think so.

Brianna Wilkerson: I would rather wait for my person to come and check it out. But she left that encounter just like immediately start, like, wearing down on herself and just saying like, oh, you look so awful today. Like, why did you do this? And so it really wasn't even about her body, but she chose to attack herself or attack her body through her thoughts because she felt insecure somewhere else.

Brianna Wilkerson: And I, and I think it can go both ways. So those, thoughts about our body, just like that just kind creep in, or maybe it's holidays that you're coming off and you didn't eat as normal. So suddenly you feel like your pants are like, super small or suddenly you feel like you gained tons of weight, when you might not have, but because you're thinking I was not perfect during the holidays, like this is then this is going to happen.

Brianna Wilkerson: Therefore, I don't really want to go to this party or I don't really want to show up because I'm ashamed of what I've done and I don't look my best. And so I definitely think being aware of what you're thinking about body and really trying to find the root of it. Cause it may be linked to how you feel about your body, maybe linked to something else.

Brianna Wilkerson: And so those thoughts, but also then what you're saying to other people, like sometimes I catch myself saying to my husband. He's like what? And I'm like, oh, don't believe I just said that, like, you know, pregnant right now and I'm going on my second baby soon. And I've just so many thoughts about my body.

Brianna Wilkerson: And he's like no you like, look fine and no, you did not gain tons of you know, so it's just like.

Brianna Wilkerson: But in my mind, I've already decided something to be true. And so I'm catching what think and what we say, and then how we act.

Brianna Wilkerson: If you're not dressing up or if you're not wearing something or just doing something, as you're saying, even going live, because you used to, or you want to like asking yourself, but why?

Brianna Wilkerson: is it, feel like I have something to is don't feel like people will accept me? Is it because I feel like I haven't put my hair together today? And I have bags underneath my eyes? Like I did IG stories this morning and I just was distracted. I said, And I got a lot of bags underneath my eyes.

Brianna Wilkerson: I've been sick, my baby's not sleeping, but I'm like, oh, well. In the past I would have been like, oh man, what, how dare you should put some concealer should have yourself up. But you know, like this is life and I'm on the I'm recovering and I'm still want to show up even when I'm not my best, right? But I just think those things like, what are we thinking? What are we saying? And then what are we unconsciously doing? And how is that linked to how we feel about our body and ourselves?

Khalida DuBose: Right. I agree with that. I agree with that. And I was too, like I find it very interesting, like if guys were pregnant, like if men, men got pregnant and were, I like they would be like celebrating. They'd like, my body's creating another you know like they, it would be a serious flex. right? But with women we're like, oh my God, everything's wrong. And it's like, you know, you're creating bones right now. Like skin, hair, teeth, brain, you know, like there's a lot going on for your body. And yet we're still so hard on ourselves is so, so crazy. Um,

Brianna Wilkerson: And I think that's because let's be honest. It's like, I think everyone gives you a pass a little bit when you're pregnant. Like you're like, it's okay. It's okay if you gain weight. But there's something that happens baby. When I had my first baby, I was like, all right, settling, boom, body, to where you should be.

Brianna Wilkerson: And You know some women, like, their body does go back very quickly. Some women it takes time. Some women it takes years. But I just think there's this expectation we put on ourselves, as you're saying, that's not, not realistic.

So we talked about visibility and we know that visibility kind of goes hand in with selling.

Khalida DuBose: So how has selling effected in our businesses when we're having these thoughts? When we're not feeling comfortable with our bodies?

Brianna Wilkerson: Oh man. I mean, when we're selling something, we're literally communicating to someone I have service or a product that is good for you and it's worth you paying me money. It's worth you exchanging that value. And as a whole, we as women probably have so many, some of us have so many blocks around receiving money.

Brianna Wilkerson: We'll give, we'll spend, but receiving it can be tough. And so we don't necessarily not just feel confident that we're able to give that service or give a good quality product. As you were saying, we tie a lot about who we are to what we create and do.

Brianna Wilkerson: And so when you're like, especially as a coach, when you're selling a service, you kind of are, not selling yourself, but you're selling a part of who you are. Like your people are buying in because they really like you like, like your message, how you do it. And so if you're not confident in that, you're not going to actually pursue that person and actually invite them the way they should.

At the end of the day, our body is, it's just, it's just this physical thing that will wear away. But we only got one of it and how it externally looks to us and other people, we think it says a lot about our worth and who we are and our value.

Brianna Wilkerson: If we're not assigning worth or value to our body then, when we're communicating something to someone where we're going to. in the back of our mind, like I maybe I don't have something to offer this person.

Brianna Wilkerson: Maybe this person is better. And so they said, no, they're not ready. So I'm not going to push it. Versus like saying like, no, you know, like let's, let's explore that objection and not making it about us. And I think what, you know, we even talked about this before or during, just this idea of shame. And I think that's a lot, we all feel a lot of body shame.

Brianna Wilkerson: And as, as Brene talks about shame is the feeling of like I'm unworthy of connection and belonging. So if you feel unworthy for that person to pay you, or you offer that service and you're not going to pursue sales the way you would, if you were confident.

Khalida DuBose: Right, right. I agree with you.

Khalida DuBose: And was there a specific book by Brene Brown that you were referencing?

Brianna Wilkerson: Oh my gosh. They're so great.

Khalida DuBose: I love all her books.

Brianna Wilkerson: That I would say Daring Greatly is like my favorite.

Khalida DuBose: Mine too.

Brianna Wilkerson: I every time I read it, I just weep. I'm serious. I'm like, she's talking to me again and again and again. All right. So we do talk about a lot of mindset stuff on the show. And so that's where all this turmoil is usually starting with, right? Our belief system, which is all in the mind. But it's also the place that we have to go to solve the problem.

Khalida DuBose: I love the idea of like, looking the part. But somewhere along the lines looking the part's not going to be enough. If there's something going on inside of you. So it's like, I'm the type of person and the type of coach, even who really goes for like, where's the root cause. I do not like solving symptoms. I'm like, what is the real problem here?

Khalida DuBose: So what are some healthy ways that we can start to kind of dig down and figure this whole thing out? If this is something that, you know, somebody out there is listening to you and they're struggling with it.

Brianna Wilkerson: Yeah. You know, even going back to that book, Daring Greatly, she has like four steps for like shame resilience. And, I can't remember all what the top of my head, but it's just the process of really asking yourself. One being like catching the thought in catching the process and like, whoa, wait, wait, why am I thinking this? Where did it come from? And who can I talk to and process this with? It could be a journal. It could be a friend. It could be a coach. And then what am I going to do to like shift this thought?

Brianna Wilkerson: But the thing about that, it's like, obviously, you know, you talk about mindset. I talk a lot about mindset. It seems easy. Okay, just go through this four step process. But it's deep. These are beliefs and thoughts you have felt and have lived for probably decades. And so it's not going to be like easy to overcome and it's not going to be overcome in just one session or one time.

Brianna Wilkerson: I think it's like, you really need to create a safe space with another person or within yourself or just in your everyday life where you can allow yourself to be, like, do the ugly cry. Where you can just allow yourself to like process it and deal with it and then honestly get someone or something that's going to tell you truth. Because if we just open ourselves up and just think like, this is what I feel, I'm, you can just kinda like be depressed and you can feel doomed. Versus like feeling hope that things can shift.

Brianna Wilkerson: You have a business coach, I have a business coach, it's the same business coach and it's like, I've grown so much as a person, not just as a business owner, because I'm willing to be open with that person about a lot of other things besides that. And so you just need to find a good few people that you trust, that's not just going to pat you on the back and say, no, you're cute. No, you're beautiful. But really challenge you to go deeper and challenge you to think otherwise.

Brianna Wilkerson: And whether that's a therapist, maybe they don't there. There's no one in your life. You like really contrasts with that. Whether that's a coach or a good.

Brianna Wilkerson: Um, but I do think that that safe space, but also being willing to challenge the thought too, by saying, you know, affirmations or anything like that. I'm a be honest, when I first started using affirmations, I was like, this is baloney. I don't believe this. Why am I saying this? I do not believe that I am a successful business woman.

Brianna Wilkerson: Like, why am I, why am I going to lie to myself? Right? But it's that process of I want to believe this and I'm on my way to believing this. I'm not quite there yet. And I think that's part of it is realizing that our brain is just trying to protect us. It's just trying to keep us safe. And it's just trying to not make us experience hurt. So doing that mindset work, you might experience that hurt. You might experience that grief, but just know that you can train your brain that it's safe to explore that when you have the right people and resources at hand.

Khalida DuBose: Yeah. You're so right. And I think that, you know, in particular, this show is for women of color. And this is something that I think we really, really struggle with.

Brianna Wilkerson: You know, we can learn all the strategies we want for our health, for our business, for our life or relationships.

Brianna Wilkerson: But at the end of the day, it's not strategy or tips, or even habits that's going to move you forward. It's going to be whether or not your beliefs. Like, you know, Jen Sincero wrote in, I love the book, You Are a Badass at Making Money. She just talks about like your beliefs drive your thoughts, your words, your emotions, then your actions. And your reality.

Brianna Wilkerson: And so many of us are just trying to change our actions and our reality, but not realizing that we believe these things and are thinking these things and that's actually, what's driving us.

Brianna Wilkerson: And so all the successful people we look up to. Everyone has done work around their mind and their beliefs. And it's not been pretty. You might see the end result, but I'm telling you, if you journeyed with them, you got some nasty cries in there. You got some, I don't want to believe these affirmations, but they did that work cause they knew that mind was going to be what kept them back.

Khalida DuBose: Yeah, you're so right, I mean, in that is the thing that we do not talk about. So you, I think you already mentioned a little bit about like catching yourself in the thoughts. Do you have any other thoughts or tips on some more aligned actions that women can take?

Brianna Wilkerson: Yeah. I mean, I think you, you know, feel the fear and do it anyways, you know, just like, just try one thing. Like, if you're feel like you're scared of we're going to podcasts or video or whatever, or just try one and make it small enough that you feel like you're not going to like go into like panic mode when you're talking, you know?

Brianna Wilkerson: And so I just think, I think that's it. I remember when I first got Facebook lie, like, you know how they were rolling it out so many years ago. And I had my group nearly six years ago and I remember it was early morning and I was like, oh my God, I have Facebook live now. And it's like 5 30, 600. I look like I have bed hair, nothing is going on with the face.

Brianna Wilkerson: I'm not just like, Hey guys, I finally got Facebook and it was just not good. Like I look back and I'm like, I have no idea what I was doing, but I look back and I'm like, good for you for practicing. Good for you for trying. You know. And I just think that's it. We just gotta be willing to do things a little imperfect and even mess up to learn from it.

Brianna Wilkerson: And that, you know, talking about guys, it's like, You know, a lot of guys will apply for jobs, even if they know they're not fully qualified, but a woman will not apply for a job in the, she knows she can a hundred percent do that job. And it's like, wait, what? But you're supposed to be learned to be, you're supposed to have the chance to be able to grow into things too.

Brianna Wilkerson: But I just think we're just waiting until the stars perfectly aligned before we take bold action. And so I just think, like, if there's one thing that you guys like been wanting to do, whether it's reach out to that person to invite them to your program, whether it's going Facebook live, whether it's to a podcast interview, just like, just do one and don't worry about the rest. Don't worry if it's going to be consistent. And then like tell someone you're maybe doing it until they can be there to support you and they can process it with you after.

Brianna Wilkerson: Because I think that's the scary part too, is like, I'm going to do this bowl thing and oh, no one was on. No one knew even knew I did it. Now I feel like a failure. And you just go back into a little hole, right? So I think, yeah, feel the fear and then kind of do it anyways, but get support even as you're doing that thing, that you're kinda nervous about.

Khalida DuBose: Right. Yeah.

Khalida DuBose: I agree with you. And I think just to echo your point is take a small action, even if you have to. Actions are not meant to be like full blown productions when you're first getting used to them.

Khalida DuBose: So anybody out there listening who's just like ma might've just now something popped into their head thinking that something they want to do, take that thing. And then just try to make it a little bit smaller if it's going to cause you to procrastinate doing it.

Brianna Wilkerson: Yeah. You know, when I started, I also am an essential oils advocate for the chair. And then when I started, I mean, it's really about personal development or this book called The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. And he just talked about successes in the small steps daily, and it's not sexy. Like it's the probably the most boring steps you would ever, ever imagined, but often we're doing those things and we do that till we get to a point of like survival. And then it's like, we think then we need to do something big or bold or something different, but really it's actually just consistently doing the things that we've been doing to get us to success.

Brianna Wilkerson: And so that's the thing, I think what you're saying, it's like, I often want to be like, I'm going to write a book and publish it and all that, but you know, I am writing a book and it's like, Literally I dislike writing the book.

Brianna Wilkerson: Look, it's just, I have to like dig discipline and I'm like, I just want to sleep or I just want to nap or I just want to like watch Hawaii five-O. I don't know, just want to do everything else, but write. And you know, but it's at the end, I'm going to have this product, but it's going to take those small steps of just saying like, I don't want to do this now, but I know this is what's going to take me to get there.

Brianna Wilkerson: And I really love it when people talk about that, because that's what gave me hope in the very start in my business. You know, I left my secure accounting job. And a very high standard of living in the Caribbean. My husband's a missionary. So I was like, man, I was the only one making real money. So I remember early on reading this book by Carrie Green, she's the founder of Female Entrepreneur Association.

Brianna Wilkerson: And she just talked about the ugly. And I just was like, thank you for talking about the ugly, thank you for talking about how hard it is and how you had to be consistent because I'm struggling too. And that actually gave me motivation. I was like, okay, don't give up. It's normal. It's normal. Just keep doing those small things.

Khalida DuBose: You're so right. The, the motivation from me as well as in like the, give me the step-by-steps like, what were you going through when you went through this? Because honestly that final glossed over photo that I took, that I put on my calendar two weeks ahead of time. And, you know, put full-blown makeup on or whatever we're doing. Like that's not really what it is, you know?

Khalida DuBose: Um, and right now I'm training for half marathon and I'm drawing so many parallels to like my business and like running and I'm like, oh, you know, like, Yeah.

Khalida DuBose: So actually I'm like coaching myself through running because previously, I did run quite a few, half marathons and I was, I mean, I obliterated myself, I beat myself up so bad and now I'm just kind of like, we take this in the smallest steps we need to sometimes just get through this one minute of running and then you can walk, you know?

Khalida DuBose: And then other times it's like, Hey, you're not feeling great. So you're not going to run today. It doesn't matter if you're not staying on, on track. You're not going to run today because if you do, you won't be able to run tomorrow or next week because something's going on right. Paying attention, learning how to like, take a step back, learning how to rest.

You're recognizing that we're often attracted to the glory of success, the beauty and the awe and the red carpet of it. But everyone, including you, like when you cross that finish line, you have people there supporting you. They're gonna be like, oh my gosh, I can't believe you did that.

Brianna Wilkerson: And you're like, yeah, yeah. yeah. It was hard. It wasn't easy. I had to choose this every single day.

Khalida DuBose: And I was telling my sister, I really look forward during this run, this training, the milestones. Because the event is not the big thing, right? The event, like when you land the client or when you land the final client, that books, your practice out, that's not the thing. It's the one, the one after another client, it's the consistency in messaging. It's the consistency in showing up. It's the trying and trying again, because it didn't hit the mark.

Khalida DuBose: All the things. For anybody out there listening, I would say that is where the beauty is.

Khalida DuBose: And so, when it comes to like body, for instance, um, you know, I finally had to tell myself like, yeah, I have some weight to lose and stuff from like my twenties and everything like that. But I'm just going to enjoy the process of getting healthy, because I know that there's going to be milestones along the way, and I'm going to look forward to it.

Khalida DuBose: And when I realized was, was always wanting to be at the finish line means that I'm skipping through my entire journey and that's not fun. I mean, there's probably some really awesome things along that journey. So why am I trying to skip through it?

Brianna Wilkerson: Yeah. I mean, it's similar here. It's it wasn't until I released the goal and that I really was like, you know what, I'm gonna take care of myself. And if I lose weight, great, if not, I'm going to have fun. I'm going to enjoy walking them and enjoy trying these new recipes.

Brianna Wilkerson: And then, yeah, I got to a place where my body felt good at sustaining that weight loss until I had my daughter. And it's like, now I'm having to like, redo that again, realizing that, well, obviously I'm pregnant, but even after. My body's changed. It may never go back to that weight. And I need to be okay with that. And so getting to that place where I'm not so concerned about an end result, but concerned about what am I doing daily to make myself feel what I want to feel then, but feel now. I want to feel energetic now. So why am I waiting till I'm 30 pounds lighter, what I need to do to feel energetic now.

Khalida DuBose: Right.

Brianna Wilkerson: That's such a good word.

Khalida DuBose: And for you, it's so important. I mean, you're working with women on these issues and you know, so being able to show, have that own energy for yourself so that you can show up in that energy for your clients is really huge. Yeah. I agree.

Khalida DuBose: So, okay. Before we head out, let us know. What's the best places to find you?

Brianna Wilkerson: Yeah.

Brianna Wilkerson: Yeah. So I have my own podcast. The More Than Your Weight podcast is my coaching podcast. And if you're into oils, I have another one called the Healthy Oily Home. But, I just love hanging out on Instagram and in my Facebook group, More Than Your Weight women's community and @madewell345 on Instagram and just love just supporting women through free content challenges.

Brianna Wilkerson: And you know on Instagram, I show behind the scenes too. Again, I showed when I had bags underneath my eyes this morning and just show how, you know, I made a smoothie today and how I did an exercise today. Like, you know, just so you're looking for also like real life, you can follow me there. Yeah. Get in touch.

Khalida DuBose: Yeah, I love it. You guys make sure you follow her. I'm definitely following you. We just need more positive, inspirational women who not necessarily always look perfect and it's okay for us to look perfect sometimes I think every girl needs to dress up. But you know, yeah. just the real stuff. Like what's the real deal here. I think that can be very inspirational for people. So definitely is for me.

Brianna Wilkerson: Yeah. good.

Khalida DuBose: Alrighty, my friend, thank you so much for coming on the show and help, like exploring this topic with us a little bit more. I really appreciate it.

Brianna Wilkerson: Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Khalida DuBose: All right, friends. Thank you so much for hanging out and listening to the black girl business bar podcasts and an extra special thank you to Brianna for joining us today and sharing your expertise and experience. If you haven't already hit that follow or subscribe button so you never miss an episode.

Khalida DuBose: If you found today's episode helpful or had any aha moments bran and I would love to hear from you so you can tag us on socials, which we'll share in the show notes, or you can reach out to me personally at [e-mail]. And as always we're dropping episodes every Tuesday and we can't wait to see you back then.