Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
The Commonality Podcast explores what it means to do our best in today’s messy beautiful world. Hosted by Pilar, a personal and professional coach, we dive into it all with a mix of honesty, humor, and heart. Whether it’s solo musings, breaking down weird astro sh*t, or listening to guest stories, this is your space to remember this life is non linear and you're not alone.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (00:00.126)
It is now. OK, I'm just jumping right in. Hi. Hi. How are doing? That was exciting. That's me. Just always, always a bunch of excitement. Honestly, though, I feel like that's totally iPhone. Yeah, probably. I don't know how any of this works. You're like technology.
I try to avoid it as much as possible. Well, you know, no, honestly, for real, though, I when I've had the when I had the iPhone because I had the iPhone once, I was always Android Android on Android. Then my husband got really excited about the new iPhone and then he got it for me and he got me the whole frickin Apple suite. And it was like, wow, so fancy, so cool. And then I was like, what is this bullshit?
And that would happen to me. I like in Safari, I wouldn't it wouldn't let me scroll to the bottom. And I'd like I could stretch it. I could see something was there, but then it let go and be like it was like, no, not today. Not any day. It's just it's just not going to work. All right. We have Zoom. Zoom is good. Zoom works. Then works. Zoom is tried and true. So how are doing, sir?
No complaints out of me. Everything is hunky dory. Hunky dory, I love it. It's already, so you're in the East Coast and it's like, I can see out the window, it's already dark. It's pitch black. are very depressing over here. You wake up in darkness and by the time the workday is out, it's darkness. It's dark by like four o'clock. I feel like it's...
It like a part of you is like, well, this can't be right. But then it's nature. And you're like, well, I guess it's we have to be depressed. We go through it. We go through it every single year and every single year. Everyone's like, I'm sad now. It's like, yes, the sun's gone. The sun is gone. Yeah, I am very much a day creature, you know, as much as I gig and do all that stuff and, know, whatever. I like the sun. The sun is my friend. So same. Yeah.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (02:22.936)
Yeah, I the morning time. I love like, it's like, yay. And if it's like, you get up a little before the sun comes up and you see the sun come, it's like, it's just so, it's like happy times. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And then the, and then it leaves and then you're like, why so soon? it something I Well, that seasonal stuff, that's real. That's real. That's a real thing. mean, know, that, that sun does a lot of magical things, right?
And when it's not day like, where did you go? Where did you go? And there goes my mood. And there was my happiness with it. Yeah. Yeah, for real. For real. Yeah, it's interesting. It it is interesting, right? It's like we there's so much talk about like, be happy and da da da. But it's like you look at nature. Nature's like, no, this is the time where you should feel like you want to die. Or or at least hibernate. Right. Yeah, right. It's like go to sleep.
See you next season. This is this is not the time for you to be like out and about it's cold. It's dark Crawling your cave and literally rest and yeah rest. Yeah, that's that's what it is That's what you should look at it is not like well, I'm sad. It's like now time to charge the batteries kit, right? Right. It's like it's okay. You don't want to go outside cuddle up and a blanket and just go to sleep for three months
I would be on board if that's the way things work. my God. Who needs, you know, who needs going out and using your legs? I'm all about bed sores and atrophy legs. It's not so much the bed sores. It's just like, like, you know, like if I have a gig or something like that and it's freezing out.
I mean, last last thing I want to be doing is is loading out gear at one in the morning with a windchill of negative 20. You know, like it can be miserable. You know, I don't I don't miss that at all. I don't miss that at all. It's actually cool today. I went on, you know, because it's been getting really cold out here. It's been getting to like like 30s and 40s in the morning. You know, I everybody is like, yeah, what are you going to say when you say it's cold out there? It actually gets cold out here. Yeah. Where are you in Cali?
Pilar Lyutfalieva (04:39.05)
We're in Santa Clarita. It's still LA County, but we're kind of up closer to the mountains, but it's more like desert. So the winter time, drops. It really, really drops. It's close to like high desert, what they call high desert. But yeah, it's pretty dry.
during the summer it gets blistering, but it's like super dry, but it can get like 110, a couple summers ago it was like 120. And then during the winter time, we get like nice rain, nice mist, cause we're right here and right next to the mountains. And lately we've been waking up, it's like 35 degrees, 30 degrees, 40 degrees. It was 2 PM and it was still 55 degrees.
And that never happens. Normally by the time the sun comes out and everything, it's like, okay, everything kind of melts and it kind of equalizes. But I went for a walk and I had my like fricking, I had like a North East jacket, know, like a little, this was a puffy jacket. was kind of like a ski jacket. And I'm sitting there, I'm like, you know what? Like this is justified. Like this is justified, right? And I had like basically like a shirt hoodie almost underneath that. And as I'm walking, I'm like getting hot.
And I just start to remember it like kicked in, like being that Boston girl, being the little girl from North Dakota, like all those instincts kicked in and like my organs were nice and warm, but my ears were freezing and I was like, taking off my jacket. And I was like, I love this. I was like totally in my element. I was like, man, this is great. I'm just trying not to complain about the weather. Like when people are like, when people are like, it's cold, it's like, yeah.
I know this happens every year. You should know it's coming. Guess what? You're going to be miserable in the summer. to say it's too hot out. It's so humid. It's not the heat, it's the humanity. You're going to say all this stuff. then essentially what you're saying is there's about three or four weeks out of the year, a couple of weeks in fall and a couple of weeks in spring where the weather is tolerable and you feel good. Well, yeah. And you're just going...
Pilar Lyutfalieva (06:59.066)
this is so nice. But you're not really sitting there going like, like really taking it in. A lot of people, they'll just stay inside. They just stick to their normal routine and they just stick in a nice comment here or there. But it's they're not really appreciating it. You know? Well, I mean, isn't that kind of like the human condition just in life? Like I find a lot of times I will have to wait for something to become a memory before I enjoy it.
You know what I mean? While I'm while I'm actually there doing the thing, it's it didn't feel as enjoyable. But looking back on them, like that was a good time. Yeah. Yeah. If only I could switch that that that that thing on then while it was going on. Yeah. I might I might be a little happier. Yeah. And be present. Like, hey, maybe if I was just like a little more present, I would be so bummed out right now that like, you know, because that's what happens with memories, right? They become like the sort of like
bittersweet thing, you know, just looking back on it and it's like. Nostalgia is powerful. Nostalgia is powerful. That's why they keep remaking all the shows we grew up with because they're like, well, nothing's selling. Let's just go back in time. But you know, it's funny, actually, now you say that I was looking up on I was looking I was looking at a bunch of things and I was going back to a bunch of old I don't know how I stumbled on like old 70s films and.
and shows and everything, and they were doing the same thing. The only difference is that there weren't as many outlets, but the formulas were very similar to what we're doing now. It's just that the quantity has, you know, just exploded because of so many different channels, outlets, you you've got digital, got online, and you've got cable, and then on terms of cable, you got a ton of different kinds of cable, so.
They were using a lot of the same formulas. Well, I mean, that just goes to show you it's probably been going on since the dawn of time since people started telling stories by the campfire. There's probably only there's probably only so many stories. Yeah, I mean, we looked at it like really only like five stories. Right. Even even even a guy gets the girl guy loses the girl guy saves the day.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (09:16.878)
Yeah, the hero story, whatever. Right. And I mean, same thing with music, too. There's only so many songs. Right. There's like four or five songs like, like, would they just keep getting recycled? And that's all well and good as long as people find enjoyment out of it. Right. Right. What are your favorite kind of songs to to perform? man, you put me on the spot. Yeah. Whatever feels good at that moment in time. It's getting and things are funny, too, like songs that I absolutely hate.
It can be fun. Like I played play that funky music whiteboard more times than I want to admit. But here's the thing. But it's fun. I don't like that song. But when I'm playing it and a crowd feeling jamming likes it and they're dancing, then I can forget about it for a little bit. You know, I had an epiphany. was doing a show one time and not that long ago.
And we're playing Sweet Home Alabama, another song that I don't care if I ever hear ever again. And I'm just kind of on autopilot, just playing the chords and whatever. And I look in the back and there's this guy singing his ass off to Sweet Home Alabama. Yeah. And I thought to myself, you know, I have no idea what this guy's week was like. I have no idea what he's going through in his personal life. But for whatever reason, he feels the need to let his hair down now. And Sweet Home Alabama is his savior.
So shut up and play the song. But I suppose I suppose the thing that I like to play the most is like a lot of classic R &B, lot of like Bill Withers, Sly and the Family, that kind of stuff. It's it's up. It's dancey. It grooves, you know, but at the same time, too, like. I'm very I like everything. To me, there's
There's only good and bad. Right. So there are a lot of rock songs that I like. There's a lot of pop songs that I like. There's a lot of jazz songs that I like. There's a lot of classical songs that I like. I guess, you know, certain things hit me in different ways at different times. Yeah, I feel like that's so relatable, honestly, because like.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (11:31.246)
You really can't judge someone by what they're listening to in that moment because there's so much music out there. I think now more than ever, people have an incredibly diverse and eclectic range of interest in music. Like, no joke, I was absolutely jamming to offspring.
There's just like there's just some some of those albums, man. Like they just they rock so hard. And I just. And plus, there's the nostalgia to it, too. I during the summer, I was going through a lot of the old punk stuff that I grew up. right. music's music's time machine. Totally. You know, you're you're listening to something that that meant the world to you back in the year 2000. Absolutely. And all of a sudden, you know, you're you're transported back to high school.
Yeah, 100 percent. I'm transported back there. Exactly. Actually, at that same show with the guy with Sweet Home Alabama, another song that we played that I didn't really care for is, you know, Love That Dirty Water. Boston, you're my home. Like, again, again, great, great song. Nothing. I mean, it's a boss. It's a it's a bossing anthem. Right. Right. Exactly. Like, I'm not going to mess with it. I'm going leave it where it is and get it. All that stuff.
But again, it's not the most exciting song to play. It's not personally what I would choose to play if I was the one in charge of the set list or whatever. But at the same time, I'm outside smoking and this lady, she comes up to me and she says, thank you guys for playing that song, Dirty Water. And I said, yeah, no problem. know, and it's what we do. she's like, yeah, she's like, you don't understand. Like I was married to a guy that was in the military and we were always moving all over the place. So every time I hear that song,
I was always brought back to Boston. I love that. So like, so this is like a transcendental experience for you. It's not just here and love that dirty water. Right. You're thinking about traveling all over the country, getting homesick and a song brings you back home even momentarily. So music is a very, music is a very powerful thing. 100%, 100%. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Well, I went from offspring.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (13:50.784)
And then like the next day I was like jamming to Taylor Swift. And then like happens. It's a mood. She's a mood like I you know what I mean? And there was this hilarious I was watching this tick tock where it's like guilty is like songs that are a guilty pleasure that we secretly rock out to. And it was like and this is a dude who's like like a series producer, really good guy, you know.
and he's just like spice girls is on there. Like all these like, you know, awesome sides are you're like, yeah, when it comes on, you can't help it. You're just like. Absolutely. I mean, I'm going to pretend, I'm going to pretend that, you know, I don't want my man card revoked or anything like that. But when dancing queen comes on by ABBA, I can't help it. I can't help it. Like this song kind of slaps, know, a good song is a good song. doesn't matter.
There's just some songs, you just like, feel it. And I think also with age, you know, maybe when you're younger and you hear it, you're just kind of like, you're just enjoying the song really naively. But then when you get older and you know a little something about music, you know, a little something about production and you hear it again, you're just like, you appreciate it. Also just so much more. You're just like, It might also, well, it might also be you just, you, you've learned something about life too, right?
Like there's certain songs that, like, again, I didn't care for just like taste buds change, your blood's change or whatever. You know, so like I remember one time like, you know, wild horses by the Rolling Stones, for example, this is classic example that like for me, you know, it was kind of like blah, it's a bunch of movies and like it's kind of a boring song. But one day I was just in a mood and I was on the highway and the skies opened up and it was.
and that song came out and it hit me, you know? So it's like there are different times where different things hit you different ways. And, you know, again, it was it was at a point where it's like, I'm not this, you know, young music snob. I'm an older music snob. Right. So. But but the point is, at that moment in time, I was ready to hear it. Right. Right. I love that. I love that.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (16:12.376)
Yeah, and you know a little bit of something about that, right? Like when you're ready for something to happen. you know, I think just, think age does that to you and you realize you can't fight time. You get a little older and also just as things happen to you, you just realize like, okay, we go through the shit storms. We go through a lot and then we're able to at the end of it.
not just learn something from those micro events, but also how to just kind of accept to be open and to go through and just be ready to experience things. absolutely. mean, you know, acceptance is for me, that's a big one. I mean, I feel like gratitude, you know, it's almost like trendy at this point. Like I'm not saying don't be grateful. I have a little gratitude thing that I say to myself.
You know, just to keep myself in check. But on the other side of that coin, think acceptance is right up there, too. If you're not willing to accept where you are at this moment in time, that doesn't mean you're stuck there forever. But you have to. For me, I'm trying not to lie to myself. Right. And I I also tell myself this, you know, don't believe you're not naive, because I know there's there are ways that I'm lying to myself every time. But, you know,
But at the same time, to be honest with myself, that like maybe you're full of shit, but whatever, whatever you're going through at that moment in time, you have to accept it. And I think as with age and as things go on, right, you lose some of that wide-eyed optimism you had as a youth. Right. So maybe at that moment in time, I had gone through enough things that I was ready to hear wild horses, right. That I felt the emotion behind that song.
And I was ready to accept it. was ready to let it take me over, I guess. Yeah. Right. Totally. Yeah. And it's interesting you talk about gratitude and acceptance because I agree. I actually think that the, when you go through the true gratitude, like life cycle, and you really experience the extent of gratitude, it's actually transforms into acceptance because I think
Pilar Lyutfalieva (18:37.706)
In the beginning, gratitude is a form of making sure that you're thankful, right? Making sure that you remember what it is that you have, which the byproduct of that is guilt is the sort of underlying like, okay, like I've got to be grateful for what I have. I've got to remember what I've got. I've got to, you know, it almost, it almost becomes a chore.
Yeah, well, and it becomes this in for people who already suffer from like being worried about not being grateful enough because that's what ends up happening, especially for people who are like doing better than say their family or their friends or aren't doing well and feel like gratitude is the thing that's the gap. And because everyone's telling them to be grateful, there's this feeling of like, OK, well, I'm not grateful enough. I'm not grateful enough. And it creates this
When in reality, once you get past and you really experience gratitude in its full extent, it actually becomes acceptance. It's when you realize that everything you have is a gift and you're supposed to just accept. I think what you're hitting on is that that gratitude in and of itself isn't enough, right? That what you actually or
surface level, like if you turn something into a have to like I have to do this, then there's something in your brain that goes, don't I don't or I don't. How we do that as humans. We're like something's wrong here. Right. Right. It's like you're fighting it because you say I have to do it. Right. When if if you just kind like for me, I just go I wake up and I just go, thank you. I'm still alive. Yeah. Like this is awesome. Right.
And then I tell myself, you know, if at the end of this day, it's the same way that it started, then I'm still alive. And so are all the people I love. Then no matter what happens today is a good day. So thank you. Thank you for that. And it's so it's, it's, it's an appreciation and an actual gratitude, not just like I'm making a list of all the grateful things. Give me three things you're grateful for. It's like, no, no, no, none of that. What are you actually thankful for that you got? You don't have to do it.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (20:58.05)
But if you come in there with the right mindset, if you look at it from the right angle, then I think you're dead on that it does turn into an acceptance of all the other shit that you don't want to like about yourself or that that's that isn't going right in your life. At least you can kind of go, all right, well, at least I got this. But there is something there is something weird that happens, right? That it's like intuitively, we all know it's like things could be a lot worse. Be grateful with what you got. But.
That doesn't erase bad feelings, does it? Right. Right. And that you have to honor that too. You have to honor when you're, when you're going through a rough time. think that, you know, positivity culture is a really good thing, but it's everything in moderation too, right? Like you have to recognize when you're not feeling great and honor that space, just kind of like how we're talking about the seasons before, right? Like it's important to go through cycles. It's important to experience the spectrum. And I think that.
You know what you're talking about before of like that sort of have to, you know, you sort of like have to force yourself into that. It is a good exercise if you feel like, you know, it's really hard for you to think about anything to be grateful for, right? It's like, all right, let's do this as an exercise. Let's just try to reawaken the muscle, right? But if you're self-aware enough and you know your cycles enough,
Sometimes it's just a matter of like no, you know what? I just need to be in this pity party right now and just feel my emotions and just feel down on myself because I know that at the end of this I'm gonna be able to come out of it, right? Well, yeah, I mean things that have been flow all the time like I'm someone that is prone to depression This is what I that this is what I've become aware of right? But here's the thing is when I ignore that depression when I pretend it's not there
When I act that when I when I'm trying to not look at it, it's out in the parking lot doing push ups and getting ready for me. You know, and it comes back with a vengeance. So the best thing to do is to be friended and go, yo, this is a facet of who you are rather than trying to deny this person. I mean, and there's times where I have to like kind of Kevin McAllister and Home Alone just tell the furnace to shut up and like some. I love that. It's true.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (23:22.254)
Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes I want to say, well, well, well, well, well, well, and I could just go shut up. Like, that's not that's not real. That's that's right. That's this voice in my head, the judge that's trying to try to make me feel bad about some bullshit. Right. But at the same time, if I'm actually stuck in in a depressive cycle, then I have to I have to recognize myself to myself. It's like, you know, we got to have a chat here. What's eating Gilbert? Great. What is going on? What is.
What are you experiencing? And sometimes, you know, it's something as simple as loneliness. Sometimes it's something is not enough sunlight. Sometimes it's pride. I realized that about myself that, that how, how could like pride lead to depression? It's like, well, you're not happy where you are in life because you think you deserve more. And sometimes you, that's just excess baggage that you don't need to carry with you.
And, but, but that's, it was kind of a weird realization that, huh, actually I'm not, I don't have low self-esteem. Maybe I hold myself in too high of a steam and I got to kind of have a reality check. That's like, yo, you, maybe you think you deserve more than you actually have. Right. So I, I'm telling you, obviously the struggles real. Right. But sometimes, sometimes that guy that that voice is full of shit and I don't need to listen to him. Sometimes he's got a point.
Right. And sometimes I think what he's trying to do is say, you can do better. Right. Right. One hundred percent. Yeah, I relate with that a lot, you know, and that's something that I've definitely you know, I've always known that I've been prone to like super big mood swings and being like almost borderline manic. Right. Like just huge mood swings of being like super just super hyper motivated, super
just hyper present with people and just full of fire and then crashing and burning just tragically. I've always known that I've had these tendencies, but it wasn't until everything's going great in my life and I'm like, why am I still having these cycles every two, three months? It's only through the process of me having been able to like.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (25:43.234)
get to know myself and all the work that I've done on myself and all the self-awareness that I've put the time into, it's a lot of work. But it's made me realize like, I know when a swing is coming and I know when I need to ask myself certain questions, Like, especially as a woman, like, you know, is this hormonal, right? Is this hormonal? Is this seasonal?
Is that you know was was there a trigger was there like what are the things that might have? You know set me off like sleep wise you have to go through this list And I feel like the better your self-awareness becomes you get better at asking yourself certain questions to kind of figure out because sometimes it's something really stupid like I'm dehydrated and I'm my god literally or like I'm hungry Yeah, it's something sometimes it's something that simple, but sometimes it's something bigger that
requires a little bit of unpacking. Right. I'm with you. And here's the thing is, is for those people that are doing the work that are taking those steps every day, you get to understand yourself a little bit better, a little bit smoother, and you're more prepared for it the next time it comes around. Yeah. Like I'll give you a case in point to from like a physical perspective, like being a mechanic when I did that work. Right. When, when, when you're a mechanic, right. When you don't know things and you lack the experience,
You might do the right this job with just a set of basic wrenches. And then this whole time, you don't realize there's a special tool to deal with this that makes this job much easier. Right. So extrapolate that into your own internal struggle that sometimes you just need to with a little bit of experience and a little bit of knowledge, you need to find the right tool. there are so many different tools out there. That's everything that you you you hit the nail on the head not to, you know,
be punny, like literally it's literally like that's why, you know, when we say do the work or doing work on yourself or putting the time into, know, that that's why that's why, because there's a whole world of knowledge that you don't have access to right now. And every time you put in an effort, you go, my God, here's the cheat code. Right.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (28:08.174)
I'll tell you one of my cheat codes is one of the things that I realized is like when I was in a really bad depression, because I've had a couple of those episodes where it was like major depression, you don't even have the energy to shower, get up, get do anything. Right. Well, I kind of looked at what I was doing and it's like, all right, you're watching Netflix 17 hours a day. You're not doing anything. No wonder you're depressed. So it's like, OK, then I heard somebody say that, well,
Depression is anger turned inwards. So I had this idea that, well, maybe I need to get in touch with my aggression. Maybe I need to do something physical. So I started doing boxing, right? And just as a workout, I get no illusions of being the heavyweight champion of the world. What? No illusions? I don't know. Maybe I'm a contender. no, but the point is, is all of a sudden I started hitting things and I can't even tell you how therapeutic it was.
It was just it was like instead of putting this this resentment towards me I can just hit this bag and even from imagining me hitting myself or somebody else whatever the case may be There was something healthy. It cathartic. Yes Yeah But it was something healthy about that release of aggression that started to awaken genes in me that had been lying dormant since I don't know as long as it as they have been probably since I was a kid
You know, I broke my hip when I was 12 years old and that kind of ended my sports career, if you will. But there was something about me when I was a young kid that I liked physical sports. I like that kind of aggressiveness, right? And getting back in touch with it just kind of all of a sudden, you know, you're changing that brain chemistry in your head and it's like, geez, you know, I don't feel so bad about myself anymore. You know? Yeah. 100%. I love that. mean,
Yeah, there's so much in there that like, I relate so much with all of that. And also just like, love how it was, you kind of went through this intuitive thought process of, heard someone told me that depression is right. I feel like those little nuggets of information are so God-given, so universal.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (30:31.566)
They're just gifts from the universe, right? They're just blessings. And it's so unique to each individual person. That's why it's so important to be listening, to be aware. That's why the idea of opportunity is all around you is because there's little nuggets of wisdom that are completely catered to you and your situation and what you need to hear at that moment in time. You just need to be listening. You just need to be open because maybe that
wouldn't help or wouldn't be the right thing for someone else, right? But it was the right thing for you. And you were willing to listen to it and it, it, you resonated. It resonated with you. Right? Well, I, you know, I think what you get in that is that there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's, right? If the, if the end goal is to be in a better place, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, all that stuff, then by any means necessary.
Right. It doesn't have to be exercise or boxing. mean, that stuff helps if you're exercising, if you get enough water, if you get in good sleep, all that stuff is going to help. But you got to you have to kind of tailor to what your nature is. Yeah. What what makes you lose track of time? What makes you kind of like be like, I'm here for this? Another thing for me that was huge, me and my dad, did this survival in the woods, one on one class in Saugus.
I mean, saw this. have this American outdoor school. So it was like learn how to build a fire, how to use a knife safely, learn how to build a shelter, learn how to like basic stuff. Yeah. But I mean, like it was like a two, three hour class or whatever. It went by like this because I was like, OK, this is something. Yeah. Something that is healing to like it is opening up genes that have been dormant since probably, I don't know. Totally. And actually, we see.
It's totally funny you say that too, because I was just watching this documentary. I don't know if you heard of it. It's Limitless with Chris Hemsworth. This sounds familiar. I haven't seen it though. It just came out. It just came out. Super recommended. But there's this part in there where they talk about like brain health and he, you he basically goes through all these different, you know, ways to essentially unleash like the human potential.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (32:57.406)
and how to create longevity in the human experience through different ways, physically, and then mentally, right? And one of them, he talks about, they talk about the amygdala and the hippocampus. And these things, we're using them less because we're not, for many, many reasons, but one of the things is when we put things like on autopilot, you know, like when we're using, and one of the biggest things was like when we're using our phone.
when we're using our phone to navigate and we're not using our natural instincts to navigate, that is actually causing dormancy. that what it is? But it's like, creates dormancy in especially the hippocampus because that's your memory center. Yeah. Yeah. And so if you're not, so like one of the things he does is they put him on a trek in the outback with no phone, with no map, with nothing, purely memory.
They're like going over in a helicopter and he's got a buddy with him. But that's all that they have. And they were saying like, have to do things like this on a regular basis. And it's totally scientific. Like when humans are in nature, we feel more balanced. We feel like more balanced brain chemistry happening because that's like you said, it's like being awakened within us, right? Like we want that, we thirst for it.
For I mean we're talking the the technological revolution is very recent and in the industrial revolution is was you know, It was it's this is a small small small small chunk of human history for most of our history We were out there surviving out in the wilderness building fires and telling stories And and our amygdala's were firing more often because there were more threats. Yeah now it's like It's and and I could see that that makes sense that things are shrinking
And now there it's almost like you need a little bit of this to kind of get you to the next stage. So, you know, I mean, I didn't do anything this crazy, like like being let out in the middle of the wilderness. I mean, it be cool, Yeah, but the other day, just just to be like, I'm not completely useless. The other day I was just driving in and like somewhere in Braintree or Weymouth that I wasn't familiar with. And I'm like, I'm going to figure out how to get out of here from from without using GPS. I'm going to figure it out. at you.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (35:21.74)
Well, in the wild in Boston, which is great. No, but then which is a mess. But I'm just I my my solution was I'm just going to keep going east until I run into water. And that's going to be like, right. And that's probably there was probably a million different roads. But the point was I made it home. Right. nice. You don't need it. Well, you know, I'm not giving myself a huge pat on the back. But but there is something, though.
We are too reliant on the phones and there is something to sit in there and learn how to make a shelter or learning how to how to, you know, make things with knives and axes and saws. And that it's just kind of it awakens part of you. Right. The campfire, the fire is the original TV set. There is some there's something to we've talked about this in the fire. We've talked about this. Yeah. Or it's like you're like fire.
I remember you were messaging me. You were like, I'm watching fire right now. You're like, yeah, it's something. mean, it's my happy spot. Like I need, I need time to kind of just sit there and like, you know, like for me, I I like meditating. I like the, I like the rewards of meditating. It's, hard for me to stick to a routine. Sometimes I fall off. Sometimes I'm really good at it, but it always feels like work to me. Right. But for whatever reason,
I make a fire, I can sit there and I can forget I have a phone for three hours. Like I don't even look at the stupid thing. Yeah. And it's just it's really nice. Yeah. You know, or or going out for a little walk or whatever. There's honestly it amps me up when when I see fire. I like I'm calm and then I'm like and I get so like amped. I just want to like it total like. Yeah, like it becomes a like a party in in my body for sure. I'm just like
yeah. Well, I mean, there there's definitely to something something to awakening genes that that have been asleep. You know, I find this when even a more simple example is if I eat certain foods, you know, like I'm Greek, Puerto Rican, right? If I eat the store bought set of cheese, blah, blah. But if if if we go to the Greek store and get the stuff that's right off the island, it's like I can feel
Pilar Lyutfalieva (37:45.644)
The ancestors that make up my DNA go, thank you. Yes. It's funny you say that because that's actually something I've been going through a lot lately. The last six months to a year, it's been a roller coaster ride with my stomach. I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden it's just been out of whack and it just hasn't been able to normalize. And I had this epiphany the other day where I was like, you know, I was watching this
You know, I've been in the, I've been also been on a personal journey of like rediscovering my roots. We've talked about this and like my indigenous ancestors and, like on my dad's side through his mom. And it's been really, it's been, it's been a lot, but also part of that is like reconnecting with a culture and a heritage that I didn't really have that much access to growing up anyways. And, not because I didn't want to, right. And.
And I was watching and as I've been getting more in touch with Mexico and learning all these things about Mexico, I was watching this docu-series on Netflix, like tacos, scene, know, bareras, like, you know, without frontiers basically, across the, and this woman's talking about the taco and she says that gastro-economically or whatever, it's one of the most balanced,
foods in the entire world. Cause you have sweet, you have sour, you have salty, you have it. As she's saying, I'm like, balance. I'm like, my God, I need to eat Mexican food. And literally it was like all of, I immediately felt a shift. I immediately felt like it doesn't make sense in scientific terms. Like you're saying, right? Like it doesn't, like the fettuccine from there to the fetish to the other fettuccine, like scientifically speaking, shouldn't make that big of a difference, but
on the soul level, you feel that difference. You know, I know it's it's it's your spirit. It's the it's your DNA telling you, yeah, this is it. This is this is it. well, this is this is the people that made you up. This is what they ate. This is what they survived on. This is why you have a taste for. Yes. You know. Yeah. And I mean, for me, like if I eat authentic Greek food, it like olives from Greece.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (40:09.92)
Yeah, that's that feta cheese, the Cassetti cheese, the stuff that is made right from that land. It's like I hear it and I feel the that those people that made that DNA go, please, more of this. Yeah, it's singing. They're like, yeah. But I mean, people forget that stuff. And you know what? There is there is a lot of good stuff to to know in your roots and to go and back in your ancestry, because I mean, Puerto Ricans, yeah, you know, we're there much to.
And so we got indigenous roots there, African roots there, Spanish, Portuguese. yeah. That's that's basically my mom's genetic makeup. She got her ancestry done or whatever. But but there is something to that's why I've always had like a connection with the with Native American culture or whatever. And it's like, you know, I would never I would never identify as one. Right. You know, but at the same time, I like I like a lot of the stuff that with those homies are putting down, you know, right.
It's important because they remind us of the relationship with mother earth. And that's something that we're forgetting as a society. Right. It's it, I think it's one of those things it's like, we're, it's easy to kind of bypass what the importance of indigenous and old heritage, right. Because you can be like, well in with the modern, right. But so it's like, why.
ask you, okay, why is it important? It's important because they remind us of the importance of being connected to the land that we're on, right? Without greed, without this sense of being more important than. And that's something that we're losing a lot of. when you already have a natural intuition towards those things, right, indigenous cultures really seem to you, because you're like, yeah, they, like you said, right?
I'll you know, I'm picking up what they're putting down for sure. Like we need more of that. And for me, it's it's it's just practical to it's simple stuff. If you are feeling like you're you're lacking connection or significance or meaning or to the environment around you, you spend all day in Never Never Land or whatever. Well, if you hear some dudes talking about how the the earth is your mother, the sky is your father.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (42:31.01)
the son, your grandfather and the moon, your grandmother. And if you look at things from that perspective, then that's going to be much closer to you. And that's why, you know, like I find a lot of peace in nature. I find a lot of peace of doing that, that American outdoor school thing. Me and my dad, we did this one is just like identifying different trees and like, you know, like we're doing this in our spare time. But like at a certain point in time, if you didn't know what was what that.
That might be life and death. You know, this tree is going to help us. This one's got medicine. This one's got poison. This one's what we're to build our homes out of. Whatever. I think that we we're kind of so we're kind of so used to this modern era of kind of like, I don't know, maybe like doing things for likes or acting like we're all right. We want the instant gratification. It's the which is the masculine energy.
You know, everything's yin-yang, right? So there's intrinsic, there's the internal experience, and then there's the external experience. And the internal experience is more, you know, the divine feminine, and the external experience is more the divine masculine. And not saying like, how on the external or the external is bad or physical form is bad because it's important for the entire experience. But when we rely
on one side, on one form, right? On one end of that spectrum, it's something that has created imbalance, which is what we've been doing, which is that hyper sensitivity around how do I look? How are people perceiving me? What can I do so people see this and that I don't come off as that and da, da, da, da, da. How can I write? It's all presentation. at the end of the day, you need both.
You need both. need both. And at the end of the day, you need both. In fact, one of the things that that's why I like what they did say that the medicine wheel is a very simple, practical way to get in touch with spirituality, right? That you are your four parts, your emotional, physical, mental, spiritual. Right. So the way that I simplified it for me, it's like, all right, so everybody's part, mind, heart, body and soul.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (44:46.016)
Right. And if anything is disconnected or if anything is out of balance, that's going to cause turmoil in you. So if my head and my heart don't agree and I ignore that, it's going to compound interest and it's going to come back and bite me in the ass. So I got to have that conversations like what's going on? Why don't you two get along with each other? What is happening? Right. Right. Having that conversation with yourself. Totally. But that's but that's I mean, yeah, I mean, and the war of life is trying to balance all those forces in you.
Right. And it continues because things shift, things change. And I mean, I'll let you know when I figure it out, because I know you better. Yeah. But but still being aware that it's like, hmm, somebody right here. Yeah. Something isn't right. What's going on? One hand. And if you're honest with yourself, you can usually get to the bottom of it. Again, going back to the mechanic analogy, when when when someone comes over to a problem with a car. There's a solution for you can fix it.
Right. But but but if that person just drives and acts like they don't need brakes. yeah. Sure. They're going to get the answer for that. Yeah. At some point you might want to stop and you might not be able to write. So this is like this same kind of thing. Right. And people have made that joke before. It's like I feel like I'm walking around with my check engine light on. Right. Right. But but that's what it is.
If you ignore it too long, it's going to come back and bite you. But for, think for people like us that are doing the work and there's plenty of us out there. And the thing to remind yourself too is that sometimes it's just hard. It's, it's always got a muscle through it. There's no, like, there's no fancy way. It's just, you just got to get to the other end of the field. If it's kicking, screaming, crawling.
It's always hard if it's if it's micro inch by inch, like whatever. You know what I mean? It's sometimes it's not about grace. It's just about get her done. yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it was Plato that said something like never, never discourage progress no matter how slow it is. So that's kind of what it is, too. And that's part of the problem of of having the instant gratification mentality. It's because sometimes things take time. Sometimes things go.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (47:06.03)
Take work if you want muscles, you can't go to the gym one time if you want to you know that that inner peace You can't just meditate one day It's these you have to take these baby steps to make them habits and that's the hardest thing to do Right. The best I ever felt Pilar was when I was getting up every day making my bed was going for like a couple three like two three mile walk and then I would come home and like do like a little stretching yoga whatever and then I would meditate and that was my morning routine and
I fell off of it. But the thing was, is that for like two or three months, I was every day, every day like clockwork. And it was just a good way to set the pace for that for the day. Because you think you're like you have these epiphanies and you're like, I got it. I'm always going to be this good. Here's tomorrow. It's tomorrow. Welcome to tomorrow. Yeah. Welcome to tomorrow where you forgot everything you just learned. Yeah, I love that. Greg, you you're.
I wish we had more time to talk. We're definitely going to have a part two because I feel like you're just a wonderful vertical slice of the entire spectrum of the human experience. feel like you've been through so much and you're so able to be wise and present and talk with such realness and talk with such life experience. I can't wait.
to have you back so we can talk even more about other things that I wanted to talk about. But I feel like this was perfect. I like we talked about exactly what we needed to for like intro to Greg. Well, that's a good way to put it. Thank you for your kind words. I very welcome. You're very I also I also enjoyed talking to you, too, because, know, there is this.
There are some people that want to act like this level isn't out there or whatever, but it's just about feeling better, right? At the end of the day, it's just about finding things for you to make you feel better and whatever, again, by any means necessary. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I think what, you know, I, I have a hard time looking at my own struggle and being like, that was that tough or whatever like that. But when people tell me that it was like tough, it's like, yeah.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (49:26.446)
It kind of was. Yeah, totally. Which I think is like the benefit of these kind of conversations and us reconnecting. Right. It was, it was a lot of that. It was also just kind of like an opportunity to get like a fresh lens on where we've been all these years. Cause you know, we haven't talked since high school, dude. Yeah. And then we just reconnected randomly and it was kind of like we're, we're in a perfect timing.
Yeah, it was perfect timing. was perfect timing. And so I'm just so grateful for you and really happy that you were able to make the time and do this with me. Well, let's do it again sometime. Absolutely. Amen. All right, dude. I'll talk to you later. OK. All right. Have a good night. You too. Bye bye.