156 Beyond the Fix-It Mentality: Starting From Whole & Complete

Show Notes

Have you ever felt like you’re a project in need of fixing? Like if you could just conquer that flaw, stick to that habit, or find the right formula, you’d finally arrive? For years, Barb lived inside that story, and it left her with a constant hum of dissatisfaction and self-doubt.

In this solo episode, Barb shares how the self-improvement path opened incredible doors, yet also kept her locked in a cycle of striving. What began to shift everything was the realization that she was never broken to begin with, that our true starting point is whole and complete.

Through personal stories and real-life examples, she explores how this fix-it mentality sneaks into business, creativity, and leadership, and what changes when we begin to relate to ourselves from wholeness instead of lack.

If you’ve been caught in endless self-analysis or always trying to “get better,” this conversation is an invitation to stop repairing and start creating, to inhabit your life and business fully, quirks and all, from the wholeness that’s already within you.

Thank you for listening! Visit my website to learn more about The Innerverse of Business and Life Podcast and don't forget to follow for new episodes every Thursday.

SHOW NOTES

• [00:00] – Introduction to The Innerverse of Business and Life Podcast
• [00:54] – The Illusion of Self-Improvement
• [03:54] – Breaking Free from the Fix-It Mentality
• [06:22] – Discovering Wholeness Beyond Fixing
• [09:27] – Embracing Our Essential Nature
• [12:17] – The Power of the Unknown
• [15:11] – Shifting Perspectives on Growth
• [18:15] – Living from Wholeness, Not Brokenness
• [21:40] – Thank you for listening!

SHOW LINKS

• Explore Barb's Website
• Subscribe to the podcast on YouTube 
• Follow Barb on Linkedin
• Follow Barb on Instagram
• The Innerverse Sessions – RESERVE YOUR SPOT NOW!

What is The Innerverse of Business & Life?

This podcast is a space to explore the profound connection between our inner world and our work in the world. We dive deep into the heart of what it means to live and work from a felt knowing of our essential selves – aligned, alive, and fully expressed. We’ll play at the intersection of business, spirituality, consciousness, and growth.

Through intimate conversations with thought leaders, change-makers, authors, and humans just like you and me, you’ll hear real stories of transformation and the internal shifts, “aha” moments, and wake-up calls that have helped them to access new dimensions of creativity, higher levels of intelligence, unlock dormant potentials and experience greater joy and fulfillment.

00:00:54:20 - 00:01:20:05
Unknown
Hi! Welcome to the Universe of Business and Life podcast. This is Barb Patterson. Have you ever treated yourself like a project? Like if you could just fix this one habit or overcome that flaw, or finally unlock the right mindset, you'd arrive. Yep. Me too. For years, I lived in a cycle of self-improvement projects, convinced that if I could just fix myself, I'd finally be whole.

00:01:20:06 - 00:01:45:15
Unknown
I'd finally have that life I wanted. Add to that that we live in a culture of endless optimization, hacks and upgrades that message seeps into business, relationships, and even spirituality. Everything I consumed was about how to be a better person and how to do better, and how to help other people be better. The starting point is often something must be wrong with me.

00:01:45:15 - 00:02:12:03
Unknown
I need to fix myself before I can start that business, or before I can find the relationship I desire. I mean, you could fill in the blank with anything there. Something must be wrong. Because where I am and what I want to create, there's a gap there. When I was younger, at the start of every new semester, and this was all through school and college, I would love the start of it.

00:02:12:03 - 00:02:36:22
Unknown
The fresh start and the idea and the imagination that this semester would be different. When I was younger, I loved the little notebooks and the highlighters and all of that. And every time the semester start, and I am not exaggerating, every time I would have this feeling and this hopefulness that this semester it would be different, this semester I would be different.

00:02:37:00 - 00:03:01:02
Unknown
I would finally be disciplined. I would find I would not put off studying. I would do my homework right away. I'd get ahead of the curve. Now you're probably going to guess where this is headed. But yes, a few months later, there I was again, pulling all nighters, scrambling to finish papers and beating myself up for being the same old me.

00:03:01:04 - 00:03:25:12
Unknown
It looked like my character was a problem or my lack of discipline. I wasn't enough, I had bad habits, I was flawed. School wasn't for me. I wasn't a good student, right? It just look like something was wrong or I would be doing what my mind said. It wanted to be doing. Well, that story that I needed fixing stuck with me for years.

00:03:25:12 - 00:03:50:06
Unknown
That I needed more discipline and productivity was the way to happiness and efficiency, an achievement that has stuck with me through my adult life as well, and if I'm being completely honest at times, is still, a compelling thought and idea. But what I want to invite today is something else that started to open up for me. You know, a number of years ago now.

00:03:50:06 - 00:04:35:09
Unknown
And I started to see that self-help and personal development while it opened amazing opportunities for me, I people to this day that I am friends with, who I met in those communities and those environments. Some of the most influential mentors I have ever had have been a part of those community. And yes, even my career. What I do today is shaped by some of those first touch points I had around personal development, and looking in the direction of why I was the way I was, but what it also did was kept me locked in for a number of years to a potential shadow side.

00:04:35:11 - 00:05:09:15
Unknown
It left me in a constant hum of dissatisfaction and a finely tuned eye for what was wrong with me. What needed fixing. I was definitely an ongoing project, and you know, me and my friends in those circles when we were younger would just process ourselves and each other to death. And that feeling of frustration that would come because I was sort of taking this ultimate responsibility that it could it was on me that I had the power I could create, that change.

00:05:09:15 - 00:05:39:05
Unknown
But then when I would stumble, when my behaviors would stumble, when I wouldn't live up to these ideas or ideal images I had of myself, or what I thought was needed before I could experience love and happiness and success. When that gap was there, it created shame and critical self-talk and frustration, and I for many years often felt like, you know what's wrong?

00:05:39:05 - 00:05:59:20
Unknown
What's wrong? That I can't seem to do this. Now add to that that in my work with others, I was also fascinated by this idea that people would have a sincere desire to want to create a change, yet they would stumble. And in my work I would bring in my bag of tricks and all my tools and they would be helpful.

00:05:59:22 - 00:06:24:14
Unknown
And yet there was always this place where people like me, an area where they might struggle more. And at the time, from the self-help lens, it looked like the direction to go was deeper into the problem, deeper understanding of the problem, deeper. You know, what's the subconscious issue blocking me? What's the pattern? What's how do we change that?

00:06:24:15 - 00:07:08:11
Unknown
But as I went deeper into the problem in those areas, that felt more challenging, the truth is, I just felt more stuck. And I would see this with my clients around particular issues as well. When we buy into the story that we're broken, we lock ourselves into striving and fixing. And probably about 15 years ago now, I was introduced to an understanding based on the teachings of Sidney Banks and one of the first principles or ideas that began to really shift me internally was this idea that what if we don't need fixing?

00:07:08:11 - 00:07:36:07
Unknown
What if we're only ever experiencing thought and our psychology of the mind like, what if we aren't this fixed personality or this fixed entity? And instead we have this fluid nature? And there are moments when I'm disciplined, moments when I'm not. There's moments when I'm productive. In moments when I'm not. There is moments when I feel insecure, and there's moments when I'm not on my mind at all.

00:07:36:09 - 00:08:18:13
Unknown
And I started to appreciate the varied and fluid nature of ourselves. And I started to take that in, and that began to loosen my thinking. These fixed ideas I had about change and needing to fix myself and issues that I had. And as that started to loosen, at the same time, something else began to emerge. And it's this idea that beyond thought, beyond personality, beyond all of our behaviors that we have, all of us within us, this deeper nature, this essential nature, this formless energy, you might call it your human spirit.

00:08:18:13 - 00:09:07:01
Unknown
You know, some people might call it the energy of all life, the the thing that breezed through us and allows us to animate, to move, to breathe, whatever you call it, whatever that is, that is full of strength and resilience. Our deeper nature, our essential nature, is anything but fragile and it is whole and complete. So I that felt really true to me when I would learn from my mentors at the time and they would point in this direction, there was something about it that spoke truth to me, and I could feel myself opening up to that truth, you know, by letting it land, by taking it in, it started to deepen for me.

00:09:07:01 - 00:09:36:01
Unknown
You know, because I didn't realize it prior to then that treating myself as broken and as a problem was actually diluting what was already there, which is the wholeness. It was just putting a cover over what was true, whole and complete. And this essential nature that we have. Our starting point is whole and complete, but I couldn't see it or appreciate it because my eye was trained in the direction of behavior.

00:09:36:01 - 00:10:02:08
Unknown
What's wrong with me? How to fix it, what my problems are. So I had a finely tuned ability to look in that direction and see all the patterns that cause me and others problems. And what I began to see was, can I cultivate and build the ability to see whole and complete and not from convincing myself, but from dropping in to the truth?

00:10:02:10 - 00:10:26:17
Unknown
And if you look, you'll see it to this deeper essence of who we are, like we are these multi-dimensional beings, and we have so much innate resourcefulness. We have so much going for us. But if we're trained to only look at gaps and problems and issues in the past, we miss it. So something really beautiful happened in that moment.

00:10:26:17 - 00:10:56:02
Unknown
For me, it was a waking up to a whole nother dimension of ourselves and of myself. And by staying curious and continuing to look in direction in that direction, it has continued to feed me in a really beautiful and powerful way. I began to see that I wasn't a project to fix, but a being to inhabit. Wholeness wasn't something I had to earn through effort or achievement.

00:10:56:04 - 00:11:25:22
Unknown
It's already present underneath the noise. That shift changed everything. I stopped relating to myself as a problem, or this human being with a bunch of issues and began relating to myself as whole quirks. Absolutely human, yes, but also with the built in resiliency, built in creativity, built in deeper wisdom, built in well-being that I didn't have to attain.

00:11:25:22 - 00:11:58:22
Unknown
Those things there are already here for the taking. All that's required is a waking up to it, a realization, a curiosity. And I think everyone, when you look, you can see that those elements can be found by going within first that our well-being, wholeness is not dependent on external factors or perfect behavior. I once heard Jane Fonda say, it took me a long time to realize we are not meant to be perfect.

00:11:58:22 - 00:12:30:10
Unknown
We're meant to be whole. And I absolutely love that this fix mentality doesn't just live in our personal lives, by the way. It sneaks into our businesses to constantly pivoting because we think something's wrong with us or with our work. Chasing strategies and formulas because we don't trust our own instincts or treating our businesses like fixer uppers that never get to be lived in our own work with other people, our services, the things we provide as a constant work in progress.

00:12:30:10 - 00:13:07:13
Unknown
And we need to be vigilant and consume, consume, consume rather than dropping in, listening for and appreciating the wisdom that's here available to us in every given moment, and letting that inform choices, letting that inform our work with other people. And in that direction is the unknown, which, by the way, is a field of infinite possibilities. You know, I think we all love the idea of innovation and creativity and being fresh and new and and creative.

00:13:07:15 - 00:13:38:15
Unknown
Yet where we look for that is externally. But if you can realize again, it's a part of our nature and the more we're willing to be in the unknown and the unchartered territory, then we access new potential. I mean, that is where potential sits. New, new hint, new resides in the unknown. So part of what it is is getting comfortable at letting go of identities we have over relate it to letting go of formulas that worked in the past.

00:13:38:17 - 00:14:02:00
Unknown
You know, a good friend and I were just talking yesterday on the phone, and she used to run marathons, and she uses a lot as an analogy because she says, you know, she's struggling in her business, right now to step into a new offering, and she feels like it could be really good. And, you know, there are things she wants to create.

00:14:02:00 - 00:14:26:23
Unknown
She has a podcast, she's a writer, and she has also done consulting for years. She has these ideas of what she wants to create and what she wants to do, and then, for a variety of reasons, doesn't step into that action. Like, hello, raise your hand right. We can all relate. And she was sharing the story. She goes, you know, I just need to treat it like the marathon.

00:14:26:23 - 00:14:45:17
Unknown
When I was running. She goes, I didn't care. I used to wake up in the morning and be in a bad mood, but I put my shoes and I go anyway, she said. There were days I didn't feel like running, but I would just do it. And over the last year, I've heard her pull that analogy forward a number of times, like, yeah, just do it.

00:14:45:19 - 00:15:17:19
Unknown
I need to just do it. And in our conversation yesterday, it just struck me that what if that just do it was yesterday's wisdom and not the wisdom of today. The formula that worked for her in marathons was not working for her and giving her the courage and facing the uncomfortableness of stepping into something new. But because it worked in the past, you could see where the mind kept saying, yeah, the formula is just do it.

00:15:17:21 - 00:15:39:06
Unknown
But we had kind of a funny moment when we were talking. I was like, you know, hey, like, have you noticed that the just do it idea isn't really working? You know? And she started laughing and she's like, yeah, I go, I mean, I know what you mean. Like it feels like, yeah, that should just work. That seem to work before.

00:15:39:08 - 00:16:05:06
Unknown
And I related it to an example for me, where there was a time when I was trying to get healthier, and years ago I had done keto as a way and I loved it. My body loved it. I got rid of inflammation. I felt more clear mentally, I, I lost weight like keto, just really worked. And then a number of years later, I wanted to kind of focus on my health again and lose a few labs, you know?

00:16:05:08 - 00:16:27:00
Unknown
And I kept thinking, keto is the way. But what was happening was no matter how much I thought that was the right way, I couldn't do it. I couldn't make it happen. I couldn't get behind it. And then I would start to beat myself up again. Right? Like I'm just not disciplined. I'm not focused. I must not really want it.

00:16:27:00 - 00:16:46:06
Unknown
Like my mind was full of all these diagnoses of what was wrong with me. And, you know, I mean, if I could just do keto, everything would be fine. And then when keto wasn't working, it looked like I was the problem. Well, the same is true with my friend, you know that. Just do. It worked before in her marathon.

00:16:46:06 - 00:17:08:10
Unknown
So when she was trying to step in courageously to new expression, new ideas in her business and she wasn't doing it, she also was trying to diagnose. Now her diagnoses were things like, I just have too much going on. Maybe. Maybe it's not my passion. Maybe I've picked the wrong thing. Maybe I don't really want it. Like we all have our examples.

00:17:08:10 - 00:17:43:11
Unknown
But again, coming back to this idea that what worked in the past may not be work today, that yesterday's wisdom is not today's. And often when we meet life with an openness to the unknown, we tap into the wisdom and the creativity that's available to us in the here and now. So for me, around the keto thing, when I saw this, I realized, oh wait, what if my wisdom is just telling me, yeah, not that again, that work then, but not now.

00:17:43:13 - 00:18:14:11
Unknown
Well, I did start to get information then about what would be more helpful to me at this point. And while my mind argued a little bit, I knew what we were talking about here that like, oh no, trust, trust. What's present, trust the here and now, not the past formulas or strategies. And sure enough, I started to move into another phase of health around, you know, my fitness and, and, my weight, which was I'm really grateful for.

00:18:14:13 - 00:18:49:14
Unknown
So this idea again, is in the here and now. You have availability to you of inner resourcefulness, of creativity, a fresh perspective. But it requires that we take our attention off of fixing and diagnosing ourselves and get interested and open to what's present. Where are the nudges currently taking us? And again, the realization that our starting point is whole and complete.

00:18:49:16 - 00:19:19:08
Unknown
This is profound. You aren't fixing you. You aren't broken. You know, even though you have a desire in places in your life and situations and that you'd like to be different, it doesn't mean you're broken and when you start from whole and complete, when we remember this deeper nature, that we have this resourcefulness that's a part of who we are whole and complete.

00:19:19:09 - 00:19:43:17
Unknown
It funds our creativity and our wisdom in a whole new way, and it puts our attention and our energy in a different direction. We stop repairing and we start creating. We lead with clarity, we experiment with freedom, and we allow what's already alive within us to guide the way. You know, it's like the analogy the garden doesn't need fixing, it needs tending, it needs aerating.

00:19:43:17 - 00:20:13:13
Unknown
Or think of a house. You can keep it under endless renovation, never satisfied, or you can move in, live in it fully, quirks and all, and suddenly it becomes a home. Or that's the opportunity for us. Can we live in this home? Quirks and all. And feel peace and love and appreciation and feel our wholeness and still lean into the places that we want to learn and grow and evolve?

00:20:13:15 - 00:20:38:13
Unknown
And again, whole doesn't mean perfect. It means embracing our humanness and our deeper nature. And I just want to say it again you are not broken. You don't need fixing. You are alive. You're a home already filled with possibilities. So I want to leave you with this today. Where in your business or in your life are you relating to yourself?

00:20:38:13 - 00:21:18:14
Unknown
Is broken, and what might shift if you began from whole and complete? If you got a better eye towards your wholeness, your creativity, your deeper nature than you have for diagnosing yourself in what's wrong with you in your life, I invite you to discover that deeper intelligence to explore, to get open, to see what's already there. I have no doubt that when you do, you will wake up to a whole new potentials and capabilities, and to the embodied knowing of your wholeness and your openness, and that no matter where we are in our business or in our life, we can experience the joy of fulfillment.

00:21:18:14 - 00:21:35:22
Unknown
We can experience that wholeness and keep playing and engaging in the world and evolving. As always, I'm so grateful for your presence and for listening to these episodes. If you know anyone that would benefit, please share it. Thank you.

00:21:37:16 - 00:21:55:20
Unknown
As always, thank you for tuning in. If you enjoyed this podcast, it would mean a lot to us. If you could take a moment to first subscribe and follow wherever you like to listen to podcasts. Hitting the follow button means you'll never miss a show. All you have to do is hit the plus sign in the upper right hand corner, or click on follow while you're there.

00:21:55:20 - 00:22:15:11
Unknown
If you like what you're hearing, we'd appreciate you taking a moment to give us a shout out and review. Most importantly, however, if you know anyone that would benefit from this episode, please pass it along. And finally, if you'd like to learn more about my work in Reverse Academy or upcoming events, you can check out my website at Barbara patterson.com.

00:22:15:13 - 00:22:27:07
Unknown
You'll find some great resources, classes and videos, and a lot more. Thank you again for being here. See you next time.