Something Shiny: ADHD!

Something Shiny: ADHD! Trailer Bonus Episode 69 Season 2

More is better...or is it?

More is better...or is it?More is better...or is it?

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Isabelle and David catch up and grapple with those moments when you have a ton of energy or anxiety or excitement, and you tackle way more and up the difficulty on your video game of life, instead of going for an easy win. The way we tend to think more is better when it comes to interventions or accommodations when actually it’s the little stuff. The power of the little yuck, and also the way we buy 4 cases of fruit leather and only later consider where we will store them.
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David is sharing how time doesn’t make sense (5 minutes v. 299 seconds=2 different things). Isabelle names how she tries to operate this way all the time or much of the time, remembering all this Team Shiny stuff, but it really is such a hard thing to acknowledge that her working memory is as poor as it is. Whaddayamean nobody moved the keys? (except past her, who forgot she moved the keys?) She gets so angry at herself, maybe now that she knows more about ADHD/attentional variability/ND — she is kinder to herself faster, but she also gets angrier. David names that anger is a path toward adaptive humor—“are you kidding me?” Can turn into a laugh moment or it can turn into berating yourself more. David had a beautiful ADHD moment. David has a bonus at his job, and what does he do with a bonus? Is it a vacation? A box of chocolates? A piece of furniture? Video game? The rule that we have is that anything labelled like this is getting a treat. Bonus or treat yo’self. David decides he’s going to get the best fruit leather than exists, and he decides to order it. First thought: This is excellent, this is funny. Second thought: I can’t wait to tell everyone about this, this is so cool. Third thought: Wait a minute—how much space does this much fruit leather take up? Fourth thought: Does it go bad? Fifth thought: Does it need to be refrigerated? My cats won’t get into it….What did I just do to myself? He is excited and terrified about much fruit leather. He minimizes his impulsivity. What shipping option did he pick? No idea. It doesn’t say what kind of shipping. It reminds Isabelle of how fascinated she is by a ‘lifetime supply’ prize of things: how much is a lifetime supply? Like a steady supply? All at once? How much did you buy exactly…are we talking, pounds? David got 4 cases, so he could pick the flavors. Isabelle-that might be an elementary school’s summer camp order. She thinks you could polish this off, using her kids as a baseline. Will he keep enjoying fruit leather 100 fruit leathers in? David knows that we don’t enjoy the next bite as much as the first, it does wear off. He’s not going to Golem them, he’s going to share the fruit leathers. The last time he had this thought, it happened with Jordan almonds. But they also break people’s teeth and not everyone likes them. Isabelle is delighted because every Polish baby shower and wedding shower, and it was just little baggies of them.  Isabelle throws in three fun food facts: frying food is originally to preserve the food without the refrigeration, so fried food, it keeps longer. When you coat something in sugar, or in a salt, it keeps longer. Isabelle also thinks about learning what is the first thing to put on a cut? David responds…not hydrogen peroxide or alcohol, and Isabelle learned that doing that messes with the skin barrier because you scrub away all the good stuff, its then more likely to get infected. Which is shocking, because you'd think more is better. David *names that that’s why soap works: it’s the bubbles! And the friction! That makes soap work. THIS MORE IS BETTER is something we see in clinical work all the time. People throw in so many ADHD interventions, and it fails, and actually…less is more. Like simple things, like where you put your phone at night. Isabelle’s metaphor of late is the idea that we often do all or nothing, but we get bored with playing the video game at easy, and instead of upping the difficulty to medium, we think we have to make it extremely hard, and then you die right away, and you get extremely frustrated and then you quit the game. Here’s Isabelle’s boring task: she needs to go through the kids clothes. What does she do, she then signs up for three consignment sales and figure out delivery dates, and then it raises the anti, and it makes her feel like she’s doing something, but she overwhelms her stimulus load, and then passes her sweet spot so darn fast. David names that easy level on this game is just collecting clothes and putting them in one spot. Medium is putting them into a sort. And super hard level is taking them there and not having them in their house. David notices that people don’t even see the easy options. And then Isabelle also opened three other games, to play at the same time. The more games we’re playing, the harder it is to get into a rhythm. All the interventions he knows are habits and rhythms. David doesn’t really know how to distinguish anxiety or excitement, he’s getting all excited for a party, and the settings all got to difficult. There was no easy option; everything started on difficult. Only parallel is like when you’re about to go to Disney World, everything is set to excited and anxious and difficult. And so he just started doing easy wins; normally he takes that energy and just does way too much. So he did a lot of small little things, he listened to a book and did the dishes. The weirdest thing is he actually thought he could do this, and have all this stuff get done. Part of him was surrendering to an easy mode; he didn’t think of all the things he could accomplish, but rather…what to do with this energy so future Dave will not be mad at him. Isabelle very slowly processes this. Is it like having a big to do list, but actually those things are very difficult things, very little movement, lots of executive functioning. But the awareness of “I have a ton of energy,” the practice of where is your thermostat is living; feels difficult anyway, and then where can I put this so future me is not mad at me, is like body doubling yourself. Both Isabelle and David geek out about Huberman Lab and wanting to hang out with Andrew Huberman in an encapsulated experience, how important it is for our brains to experience little yucks. Doing little sucky things throughout the day creates more good things in a day. The variation of experiences is what helps you feel good, feel the peaks of goodness. Imagine doing exactly what you want to do for 10 hours, Isabelle feels like a piece of poop—but you were getting what you wanted, but instead there’s the sneaking suspicion of impending guilt, or this isn’t how it goes in this game of life. We need the variation in order to actually feel the highs. Like imagine you took breaks and did little yucks throughout the day, and then return to your phone, you have a better day. If you have anxious or excited energy, what are the little yucks I can do with this energy while I am self-medicated (through the anxiety and excitement to do so)? Isabelle thinks about “reiserfieber”, which is a German term for exactly how you feel before a big trip. This is how Isabelle functions this way during nap time, it’s the little yucks. Or the contrast of dropping the kids off at school after 6 snow days; the contrast is what makes you appreciate things. Also pandemic shut down flashbacks. But no, David names, that’s a big yuck. This is actually about little yucsk. It’s something that’s small and not future-oriented, just asking yourself: I have energy and 10 minutes…what’s a little yuck I can do? And keep it easy. On purpose.

Parks and Rec: Treat yo’self clip 

Wound care - less is more! Run it under plain water! Soap gently but on right on wound! From Mayo Clinic:
--->Clean the wound. Rinse the wound with water. Keeping the wound under running water will lower the risk of infection. Wash around the wound with soap. But don't get soap in the wound. And don't use hydrogen peroxide or iodine. Both can irritate wounds. Remove any dirt or debris with tweezers cleaned with alcohol. See a healthcare professional if you can't remove all debris.

Huberman lab episode on little yucks — he calls them “Micro sucks” 

DEFINITIONS
Body Doubling: Someone else in the same room or within view of the person who is trying to get a task done—the other person doing the task creates the illusion of structure. In essence, a buddy is sits with you as you work on something (could be doing a task, or just quietly there, maybe giving you cues or reminders). In reference to in films, this term is used to describe a body double, or a stand in for lead actors in certain shots. Here are some basic ideas.

Reiserfeiber - “Literally translated, Reisefieber means “travel fever” – but it’s not the type of sickness that keeps you in bed. Reisefieber describes the feelings of excitement, combined with anxiety and nervousness, that you have in anticipation of a trip.” 

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Cover Art by: Sol Vázquez
Technical Support by: Bobby Richards
Special Thanks to Huberman Lab. Andrew Huberman, you’d totally make our day if we ever sat next to you on a plane and you were in a chatty mood. 

What is Something Shiny: ADHD!?

How many times have you tried to understand ADHD...and were left feeling more misunderstood? We get it and we're here to help you build a shiny new relationship with ADHD. We are two therapists (David Kessler & Isabelle Richards) who not only work with people with ADHD, but we also have ADHD ourselves and have been where you are. Every other week on Something Shiny, you'll hear (real) vulnerable conversations, truth bombs from the world of psychology, and have WHOA moments that leave you feeling seen, understood, and...dare we say...knowing you are something shiny, just as you are.

David (27:45.996)
Oh my God, you have five minutes. And then someone goes, no, you have 299 seconds. I'm like, Oh, that's very different. But it's not really. It's like the same amount of time.

Isabelle (28:02.272)
That is very different. Oh, that is the same round of time. Oh, my gosh. So, David, like I, I my heart goes out to you and honestly to everyone listening and also to me, past, present and future me, because I can't tell you, like I think I've had more moments of late partly because we do like this podcast, right? And this is like.

part of how I think and work all the or try to a lot of my day. I think the level of frustration I have when I come up against the you know that like the thing that I think hits me harder than anything is the way that my brain like doesn't quickly acknowledge my memory isn't great. Like the ways like for example.

I still, even though I know, like I think we talked about this in a past episode where, um, when I can't find a thing, nobody moved it. Nobody else moved it. I, past me, put it down somewhere and didn't store and consolidate where I put it, you know, in my brain. And so it feels as if somebody else moved it and they did, but it's me. I still, like, I still will, it will take, it just feels like it takes me so long.

David (28:59.073)
Mm-hmm.

David (29:12.519)
Mm-hmm.

Isabelle (29:20.674)
to remember that I don't remember and that I didn't learn from that past mistake. And I get so, I don't know how to explain it. I get, I think I get angrier at myself now that I know more about ADHD and attentional variability and stuff, neurodivergence. But I also get like, I'm kinder to myself faster, but I also get angrier. I don't know if that makes any sense. It's like, I'm like, how, how did I?

David (29:24.233)
It is so... Yes!

David (29:49.712)
It's I think as we get into the anger, it's like it's a path towards the adaptive humor. As long as you can keep working that way, right? Like because anger is like, are you kidding me? And then like that can turn into a laugh moment or it can turn into a braiding yourself harder. So I think it's like where the skill works but oh my god, it makes so much sense. I had a oh my god. So I had a moment. I had a moment that is totally like a beautiful ADHD moment. Yeah.

Isabelle (29:49.713)
Like, come on!

Isabelle (29:58.914)
Hmmm

Isabelle (30:17.738)
Bring it. We are here for it. I love it.

David (30:19.836)
So I'm like, I love where I work and where I work is super great. And like we get bonuses and it's like bonus comes in. It's like, what are we going to do with this bonus? And like, there's so many things I could do with a bonus. It's like, what do I do with a bonus? And I can't even like think, right? Like, is it a vacation? Is it, is it like a box of chocolates? Do I go to dinner? Is this going to be like a piece of furniture? Do I get to play like a video? Like, I can't like decide what I want it to be. And like the rule that we have is like.

anything that comes in the house that's like labeled like this, it's like, get a treat with it. Like this is not part of like, like building our future like this. This is literally bonus yourself, treat yourself. Right. And so I love that show. So like, so, so I was racking my brain. I'm like, what am I going to do? And like, hmm, and like, what am I going to get? And, and then I decided I'm going to get the best damn fruit leather that exists and I'm just not even going to think about it.

Isabelle (30:51.47)
Mm-hmm.

Isabelle (30:57.099)
Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

David (31:14.792)
and I'm gonna buy myself whatever I want. And so like, lo and behold, I have an inappropriate amount of like those fancy fruit roll-ups come into my house. And I'm like ridiculously excited and I order it, right? I'm like, whatever, I got a bonus, I can do this, boop. First thought is like, this is excellent. This is kind of funny, I'm really excited. This is gonna be great. Next thought is, this is so awesome. I can't wait to tell everyone about this. This is so cool. Next thought.

Isabelle (31:36.576)
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Isabelle (31:42.943)
Yes, freqs.

David (31:44.092)
Oh my God, how much physical space is this gonna take up? And then my next thought is, does it go bad? And then my next thought is, does this need to be refrigerated? Doesn't need to be refrigerated. And then my next thought is like, my cats won't get into it. And then my next thought is, what did I just do to myself? And so like, it's like, I'm both excited and terrified of like the amount of like fruit leather that's coming to my house.

Also, I never order things online because, you know, I have to minimize my level of impulsive like things. So like I'm not very practiced at it. So, so I ordered this thing online as well. Ask me when it's going to get here.

Isabelle (32:17.742)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.

Isabelle (32:24.121)
When is it gonna get here?

David (32:25.084)
I have no idea. What, what pick, what shipping option did I pick? No idea. How long, like is it ground or air? No idea.

Isabelle (32:32.834)
You've got like an order confirmation you could turn to right? Like you could go you can look up

David (32:37.191)
Yeah, it just says order and then how much I pay for shipping. It doesn't say like what kind of shipping like this could be like this could be in June. I mean, I just didn't look at any of the details.

Isabelle (32:46.494)
Bye!

Oh my gosh, David, first off, what a delightful and real that might be the best way to spend that is on like, because side note my brain when you described using like, you know, a holiday bonus or whatever under your bonus to purchase root leather, I immediately went to that like, back in like the day when it would be like when a lifetime supply of and I as a kid and it still fascinates me I'm like

David (32:57.987)
It's so great!

Isabelle (33:17.474)
How much is a lifetime supply? How do they figure that out? Do they send a box a month? Or is it like you just get 800 boxes of tissue paper and that's your life, you know? Like, and then do they tell you your life? Like, it's just so fascinating. So in my head, I'm also thinking, I'm like, wait a minute. Okay, the part of the story of Missing David is how much of this fruit leather did you buy? Did you like, does, and if you feel comfortable sharing, like, are we talking kilos?

David (33:21.078)
Right?

David (33:45.168)
See, no, I'm gonna do it. This is courage.

Isabelle (33:47.618)
Are we talking pounds? Are we talking like...

David (33:50.532)
So what I, I'll say, I'll say it like this. So what I learned is if you get them by the case, you can pick the flavors. So I got four cases.

Isabelle (33:52.854)
Mm-hmm.

Isabelle (33:56.629)
Mm-hmm.

David (34:05.719)
Grape, fruit punch, strawberry and green apple.

Isabelle (34:11.982)
mean those are great flavors, those are great flavors. Ooh, here's the thing, here's the thing, here's the thing. And of course my brain immediately goes to, you know what, that's probably like the amount that like an elementary school purchases for summer camp, you know what I mean? Like that's like, you're actually probably within a Costco ballpark. Like I literally, David this is what I thought, I thought my kids probably eat more fruit leathers than you.

David (34:17.552)
I don't know how much this is gonna be like...

Isabelle (34:40.902)
even like even as a fruit leather lover, they will out fruit leather you know, like that's how much they love fruit leather. So I was like, I just did the math and I was like, well, if they will go through that many boxes in a week. Yeah, I think I think you could solidly polish that off within it like six months if it Yeah.

David (34:57.408)
Can I just say something? We're talking about like 200 fruit leathers.

Isabelle (35:04.015)
But here's the question. Because this is where I go. Do you think you're going to keep enjoying fruit leather? 100 fruit leathers in. You know what I'm saying?

David (35:16.)
So this is such a good point. And what we do know scientifically actually is like the first bite is always like a thousand times more reinforcing than the last bite. Like, so like, so like empirically, I won't enjoy my like 199th fruit leather, like as much as I did the first. But like my brain isn't like when I do these things, I don't, I'm not like, like a golem, like hoarding like I'm mine, I'm gonna eat all these. Like, so like, so.

Isabelle (35:42.998)
You're gonna share! You're gonna like drive down the street, see one who needs someone's some food, toss him some fur leather!

David (35:48.604)
So, okay, so the last time I had this ADHD, like holy crap, I have to get a weird food item, it happened with Jordan almonds. I got some while I was on vacation, and I'm like, these are so crunchy, and they taste like the flavor of a marshmallow, and vanilla, but there's a crunchy nut inside, and these are amazing. And so then I bought a giant bag of these really pastel-flavored Jordan almonds, and then I've been like.

Isabelle (36:12.558)
Mm-hmm.

David (36:14.74)
giving them away and giving them to people. And then I've been learning that they break people's teeth and that not everyone likes them like I do.

Isabelle (36:21.474)
That's literally what I was just gonna say! I was like, those are kind of dangerous. That's, well, no, you know what my association with that is? It delighted me that you enjoyed the Jordan Almond because I'm like, oh, every Polish baby shower and wedding shower was just little baggies of them. I could just like ship them to you if I ever go to any more. We don't, because they're-

David (36:43.028)
And they don't go bad because they're like they're like for medically sealed with candy. Yeah.

Isabelle (36:47.962)
Exactly! Which side note, okay can I say, I feel like I said this on a previous podcast, but here's like three fun food facts that I think people don't recognize. One, frying food originally is to preserve the food and keep the food without refrigeration. So fried chicken originally was fried and then put into like lunch pails and then eaten cold. Okay? So when you fry a thing it keeps longer, right? When you coat something in sugar it keeps longer.

David (37:01.42)
Mm-hmm.

Isabelle (37:15.19)
when you coat something in a vinegar or in a salt briny solution, it keeps longer, right? Like it, the oxygen doesn't get to it. Da da da. Can I, can I tell you what one of my kids thought of that made me laugh so hard? They were talking about how, okay, like, so if there's a piece of food, like they were eating some food and there was like a little bit of like, like leftover pizza, right?

and they thought to coat they were like licking it like the edge of it like uh and I was like what's going on like I mean it sure tastes good but like it just seemed like a little curious I love it that drew my attention but the screamy bloody hand did it did not but I was like what's up and the thought was well I'm gonna like seal it with my saliva to keep the food you know like we can leave it out then because it'll be covered in my

David (38:00.205)
Yeah, but that's not gonna do it.

Isabelle (38:14.846)
And then I was like, wait, would that work? Anyway, that's my side question. Oh, total tangent, right? Like, could you hypothetically spit, I mean, not to say you would wanna eat it after this, or would your spit, because it has some digestive enzymes, wouldn't it like, but couldn't it, you know? Is there any place around the world where people have made food with spit because it would keep it longer?

David (38:36.03)
It's.

David (38:39.348)
So this is so weird and I'm like bringing in knowledge that isn't even in the same track, but like maybe similarly. So this reminds me of Neosporin. So Neosporin is like this ointment that you put on a cut to like make it so that it heals, right? And it kind of has the texture of like Vaseline or like very viscous spit to make the parallel, right? So if you put Neosporin on a cut, it is very good at protecting the cut from bacteria.

Isabelle (38:47.15)
Uh huh. Yes, please. Yes, please. And then we can re-return. Wait, Neo's foreign? Uh huh.

Isabelle (38:56.714)
Yeah. Mm-hmm.

David (39:08.68)
but the neosporin on the outside is very good at attracting bacteria. So because it's sticky, so whenever you have neosporin applied, it needs to be on the inside of a band-aid. So you get the healing properties, but it doesn't become a magnet for all the other germs. My assumption is that like if you were to spit seal something, it would be filled with germs on the outside that you would have to like find a way to get rid of and then maybe preserved on the inside.

Isabelle (39:31.803)
Cough cough

Isabelle (39:35.49)
That makes so much sense. That's kind of like when you, you know, when you like, uh, have a like moldy cheese, right? You just cut off the moldy bit. The rest of the cheese is also technically mold, right? Like, but you're like, you're like, oh, okay, this is the side I can eat. Oh, that makes sense. Also side note. Okay. Final tangent. Well, not final tangent. I should never say that. There is no, there is no final tangent, but that made me think of the, um, the Neo, yeah, like the NeoSport idea. Here's a fun thing. So as part of this injury.

David (39:42.378)
Right.

David (39:52.896)
There's no final tangent.

Isabelle (40:04.966)
I learned, right? What do you think is the first thing you should do with a cut or like a laceration, right? Or something that needs potential clean it out, right? What do you clean it out with?

David (40:13.376)
Clean it out.

David (40:18.187)
Oh golly.

David (40:22.4)
It's not hydrogen peroxide because it's not good for your skin. It's not alcohol because it's not good for your skin or the cut. And it just, man, now I don't know what I clean it with. Soap and water?

Isabelle (40:37.706)
Yeah, but here's the rub. Okay, so that side note, that is news to me my whole life. It's been, oh, just put alcohol on it or just, you know, like, whatever we'll do in a pinch, right? But you're right, because that messes with the skin barrier and the good bacterial load in your skin and such that is like working for you, right? So it gets, it's like more likely to get infected or something if you literally like scrub it away and cover it in alcohol and like, you've just taken away all the good stuff, right?

David (40:57.992)
Mm-hmm.

Isabelle (41:08.158)
So what they use like in a hospital, like the doctor when they were stitching up my kid was like, oh, I just put a bunch of surgical soap on. And then I was looking up like what surgical soap is, and it's like a way milder form of soap than like the antibacterial stuff you buy, which is so fascinating, right? That we think like more is better, but it's actually all about like.

David (41:27.273)
Right?

Isabelle (41:32.77)
the right balance because you have to work with your body. Anyway, that's what that made me think of. I have to, I will put it in the show notes.

David (41:34.164)
The thing that gets me.

The thing that blows my mind, wait no, but the thing that blows my mind about soap is like the thing that makes soap so fancy is the bubbles are the thing that pull dirt off of you.

Isabelle (41:47.53)
And the friction, it's the amount of bubbles that form and the friction. So the actual rubbing is the necessary piece. If you just because trust me, the amount of coaching I've had to do about hand washing.

David (41:48.427)
Yeah.

David (41:59.476)
But it's not the magical other stuff. It's literally the bubbles.

Isabelle (42:04.778)
It's just the frickin bubbles. That's incredible. That is super, super cool. Well, that also makes me think like, again, it's that idea of like overkill, right? Like if you think you need way more, like more of something is better, you know, like

David (42:06.548)
That's so cool to me. It's like, aw.

David (42:19.196)
Oh my God, wait, yes, can we, this is where I'm going to jerk this into ADHD stuff so bad, so hard. Okay, because this is something I see all the time and I want to jump on it. When people are thinking about putting interventions in their life or changing their life, they don't do one thing. They do a million things and too many things and then the system is too complicated to do, right? And it's like, less is more. Like

Isabelle (42:24.298)
Yes, let's do it. I'm into it.

Isabelle (42:44.412)
less is more.

David (42:45.405)
Let's just do the mild soap. Like let's just do one change. Like where are you gonna put your phone at night? That's the one thing you're gonna focus on right now.

Isabelle (42:52.89)
Exactly. And it's actually like less is more. You got to work with the system. It has to feel so simple and gentle, actually. OK, can I tell you the metaphor I've been using with clients lately that like you I love that you said this because I swear this is in the air. And I've said this like 10 times and I wanted to tell you like, oh, David, listen, does this make sense? So I was talking about exactly that where someone it's like all or nothing. It's like kind

David (43:03.561)
Yeah.

Isabelle (43:22.238)
It's kind of like we're getting, you're getting bored with playing the video game at like easy, you know, and instead of upping it the difficulty to medium, you think to make the game fun again, you have to up it to like extremely hard. And then what happens is you die in the game right away and then you get more frustrated and then you quit the game, the end. And for some reason this clicks and this clicked in my brain where I was like, that's, I do that all the time. Like

I have a really boring task. Here's my boring task. I have to go through the kids clothes and filter out what doesn't fit them anymore or what is become too damaged or we want to hand me down to others, right? And donate. Like I got to do that. What do I then do? I raise the difficulty to, oh, I'm going to sign up for not one, not two, but three consignment sales and I'm going to now print out labels for these clothes. But then I have to assess which place takes what and

figure out the delivery date. Like that's what I then do because it's more challenging. It raises the ante. It makes me feel like I'm doing something. Whereas the basic feeling of, oh, I just sorted through the kids clothes feels like not enough. But then I immediately overwhelm my stimulus load. I pass my sweet spot so fast. Anyway, that's just.

David (44:23.756)
Yeah.

David (44:40.072)
No, that's it. That's it. It's like there's several ways we can look at this game. Let's talk about the difficulty in the game. I love the metaphor. So easy level on this game is just collecting all the clothes and putting them in one spot. Medium is once they're in one spot, like figuring out which ones of them goes to which places and how do you take them there. And the super hard level of difficulty is taking them there and not having them in your house.

Isabelle (44:55.374)
Mm-hmm.

Isabelle (45:09.96)
Mm-hmm.

David (45:10.781)
What I notice people do is they don't see that there's an easy option.

Isabelle (45:18.134)
That's so true. And actually, my little story, what I did is I opened three other games at the same time. I actually also raised it to difficult and then I skipped. I skipped. You're right. I blew way past TC. I assumed it was difficult and then I opened three other simultaneous games. Ah.

David (45:23.456)
Yeah, exactly.

David (45:37.416)
That's it. And then like the more games we're playing, the harder it is to get into a rhythm. And all the interventions that I know are about habits and rhythms. So like I was experimenting with this the other day. Oh my God. So we have these awesome work parties. I love our work parties. And I was getting very excited for ours. And I've said this before and I'll say it again. It's very hard for me to distinguish the difference between anxiety and excitement.

Isabelle (45:46.162)
Mm-hmm and rhythms. Yeah

Isabelle (46:06.197)
Mm-hmm.

David (46:07.688)
in a way that like I don't, when I'm really excited, I'm not upset, but I'm like, I don't know what to do with myself. Like I'm like buzzing and like floating around. And so this year as I'm like, this is like a day before like this party and I'm like floating around and I don't know what to do. And it was this moment where the settings all got too difficult. There was nothing I did.

that could have picked an easy option. Life started on difficult. I woke up excited for like, the only parallel would be like, if we were going to Disney World or something, you know, like, like where I'm excited to go the next day, I can't sleep, like that kind of thing. So the whole day, the day before I'm gonna go and like, you know, I'm really excited. I just started doing very easy wins.

Isabelle (46:30.752)
Mm-hmm.

Isabelle (46:34.232)
Oh

Isabelle (46:39.254)
Yeah.

David (46:53.864)
I normally don't do this. Normally I'm like, let me go run with my friends. We'll run like a pack of dogs out in the woods and we'll come back at night and it'll be fun. I'll be tired, I'll go to bed. But on this day, I didn't really have that option. And so I found myself doing lots of weird little things. I'm listening to a book. Right now I'm doing a lot of listening to books just because it allows me to do chores while I'm listening to the book. So I listened to a book and did dishes.

Isabelle (47:19.697)
Mm-hmm.

David (47:20.856)
It's the weirdest thing to say like most of my life. I'm not thinking about doing dishes. I'm not running towards the dishes Please don't think of me as like mr. Clean dish. That's not an accurate fantasy, right? But but on this day was so simple to be like, oh my god, I need to do this Doing this will be kind of fun No, I can I can listen to my book like people aren't gonna try to talk to me I can just have all this stuff get done. The warm water actually feels kind of good like

Isabelle (47:29.874)
I'm going to go to sleep.

Isabelle (47:43.243)
Mmmm

David (47:47.7)
to the point where like partner comes in and I'm like, ah, I'm good. I'm good. Let me finish.

Isabelle (47:52.484)
Oh.

David (47:53.172)
But I feel like there's just this part of me surrendering into an easy mode. I didn't think of all the things I wanted to accomplish that day. I was just like, what am I going to do with this energy so that like future Dave will not be mad at me.

Isabelle (48:01.73)
Yeah.

Isabelle (48:12.175)
Oh, that is a really OK. I just hold on. My brain is like very slowly, slowly processing what you're saying. Because I own I'm hung up on you being named Mr. Clean Dish. I kind of love the idea. This is David, Mr. Clean Dish. Nice to meet you. Like I it's like one of those names where it's like that could be the name, you know, that's not spelled that way, but sounds that way. Anyway, this is stop praying.

David (48:27.562)
I'm out.

Yes.

Isabelle (48:40.014)
back, come back. So if I'm hearing you right, there's a different, well what I'm hearing there, if I'm hearing right, is that there's a different like win when you have let's say this big to do list staring at you and it's like you set yourself up to win. Well it's a couple wins really. The first one is to remember you have a list and to remember to add to the list and then it's another win when you're like I've checked the list and then a third win when you're like I got through

Isabelle (49:10.37)
difficulty. Those are very difficult things. Like all those things actually now come to think of it require quite a lot of executive functioning and at all like very little motor movement. Like all the things that help are not in that those steps. However, the awareness of I have a ton of energy, like the practice of just getting aware of like where your personal thermostat is living, right? Like I have all this energy. That feels like something that's like

David (49:22.558)
Mm-hmm.

Isabelle (49:39.15)
medium to difficult but like way more neurodivergent friendly. And then the step of where can I put this? So future me isn't mad at me is like you've literally body doubled yourself like you've put future you in the room with you going now David like come on I'll hang out with you while you do.

David (50:00.796)
Oh my God. So it's almost, yeah, oh my God, I didn't think about it like that, but yeah. The, yes, but the idea for this came from, I was listening to this other podcast, like the Huberman Lab. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. Like someone I would really like to go hang out with for like an afternoon, right? Like.

Isabelle (50:07.358)
Does that make sense?

Isabelle (50:13.546)
Yes, oh, Huberman mail, we'll put a link in there.

Isabelle (50:21.022)
Oh my gosh, can I just tell you, I feel like anytime he gets on a topic that I didn't know I wanted to learn about, like he was doing an episode on stretching, I heard recently, and I literally am like, what I wouldn't give to just bump into you in a coffee shop and just have you talk at me about whatever new thing is. I'm sure you will clean my life. Thank you very much, sir.

David (50:40.216)
Yeah, for me, who knows, maybe he's really mean in real life. I would love an encapsulated experience where I'm on a plane with him going somewhere and we get a couple hours together, but regardless, right? So we would be friends, I think.

Isabelle (50:52.694)
Side note, you guys, you would be friends. Okay, that's how I'm gonna be friends with him is because you're gonna befriend him. I've already decided this.

David (50:59.024)
We have way more in common than I would have like as he's talking is like, yeah, I used to do mixed martial arts. I'm like, who? You? What? And so anyway, okay, but wait, let me get back to this.

Isabelle (51:06.27)
I'm just saying, I'm just saying David, he's your best friend or one of your best friends waiting to happen. So, yeah.

David (51:11.824)
No doubt. But one of the things that he was talking about, which makes so much sense, is how important it is for our brains to experience little yucks. Not big yucks, but little yucks. Doing little sucky things throughout the day and how important those things are at creating more good things in a day. That it's actually the variation of experiences that help you feel good, like the peaks of goodness.

Isabelle (51:23.51)
Mm-hmm.

David (51:39.58)
So another way we can think about this is something that makes most people feel good is being on a cell phone. So if you're on your cell phone doing exactly what you want to do unadulterated for 10 hours, how do you feel at the end?

Isabelle (51:56.402)
Like a piece of poop.

David (51:58.756)
Right, but let's think about this scientifically. You were getting nothing but what you wanted the whole time. That shouldn't be the outcome. Now, if you were to...

Isabelle (52:08.882)
Oh, sorry. And then instead, there's that sneaking suspicion at the end, because that was almost too good of like, impending guilt of like, I must have forgotten or didn't do the thing I needed because this isn't how it goes. This is easy.

David (52:22.324)
You don't feel, right? And that's not a personal defect that you feel that way. That's literally how anyone would feel after consuming all day of phone. Because there were no little yucks in your suite. So like, let's just say like this day you wanted to, now this can't be big yucks. This isn't like clean your entire house or like solve the world's problems, right? This is like mowing the lawn, taking in, like doing laundry, like do the little things that you don't wanna do, right?

If you were to take breaks while you're on your phone and do those things, or have a time to do all those things and return to your phone, you would feel better at the end of the day because of doing those things. So when I'm anxious now, and I'm thinking about this, when I have this anxious or excited energy, I think about what are the little yuck things that I'm medicated to do right now? Because I'm stimulated.

Isabelle (53:15.426)
Oh! Ah!

David (53:19.864)
I can't get rid of this energy. I'm excited about something that's gonna happen in 30 hours. Like, what? I can't, like I can't, what am I gonna do?

Isabelle (53:30.51)
gosh, side note, David, there's a term I'll put in the show notes, but there's actually a German term, like a German word called riser fever, riser fever. It's, it's okay. And it has to do with the very it's like the name for a very specific feeling when you're about to take a trip and you have to wake up early. And you're like, I am too excited and equal parts anxious and excited to allow myself to at all rest.

And it's like that term for like that window of time. OK, does this? Where my brain went, this is blowing my mind. The little yuck thing is freaking blowing my mind because I cannot tell you just how deeply I think I live by that, not because I want but because of necessity. And I think the big shift for me was honestly having kids, you know, and not to say it's true for everyone, but in my case, like.

What I experienced, I call it the nap time effect. And I know people have like talked about this. It's the fact that I only had one hour of time. Interestingly enough, I think before I thought of it as like, well, because I only have an hour of time when the kid is napping to maybe get done the things that back in the day I could get done across the whole day. Why is it that I get all that and sometimes even more done?

David (54:45.885)
Mm-hmm.

Isabelle (54:51.358)
And the whole idea was like, well, it's kind of the thrill of it is that the kid could wake up at any moment. I want to sneak in another thing. But actually, I'm just going to name taking care of your kids is a lot of little yucks as well as love and joy. But it's honestly steady, steady little yucks. It like it's like a little bit like a boot camp of little yucks. My ability to tolerate little yucks then gets like I got a name. Like, I think my frustration.

David (55:04.628)
Yeah.

David (55:15.584)
Hmm.

Isabelle (55:19.518)
is equal parts worse than better. But it's interesting just to think of it that way, because you're right. Okay, can I give a random example and tell me where the tracks? So what I'm thinking about is like literally this last week we had six snow days. And for those of you who don't know what a snow day is, one is fun. Two is plenty. Six is too many. Six is too many. Six is a sign something infrastructurally has gone awry.

David (55:26.869)
Yeah!

Isabelle (55:48.59)
And people are having to scramble, you know, like, think like just I mean, just goodness, because we don't have enough of, there's not enough supports for kids for working people for everybody, right? It's like, you know, things are getting worse when it's six days. So six days, you know, and side note, I actually think it also triggers, like pandemic shut down memories, like, it didn't feel like six days, it felt like day 892, you know, very quickly, which

David (56:15.028)
Hmm?

Isabelle (56:17.13)
just going to point out in case anyone else's experiences lately, I feel like it is, I don't know, I feel like I finally hit that zone where if I get really sick or if we're missing a lot of our rhythms as a family, I remember now how rough that was. But like, I don't know that I would call it rough until I have that contrast. So that's what I'm trying to say is, Snowdy's happened and I dropped my kids off at school today. Like if you would have asked me

David (56:30.676)
Yeah.

Isabelle (56:42.562)
three weeks ago how that is. I would complain about it. I'd tell you how hard it is. Today, the kids could have, the kids were crying, screaming, everything was hard. And I enjoyed it because it was finally a little, does that make sense? It was like, I had just reset my, like getting the kids, the privilege of having kids go to school and having quiet.

David (57:10.431)
Yeah.

Isabelle (57:11.205)
had been taken from me again.

David (57:13.3)
your whole routine. Yeah.

Isabelle (57:15.318)
But do you see what I'm saying? It's like the yoke can live in like that routine change, right? Like it's like, so I, I'd really come to take for granted that I had that time. So when it was taken from me, the second I got it back, I was like, this is like a spa day again. Look at me luxuriating in my quiet. It was.

David (57:22.229)
Well...

David (57:32.328)
It's also like, well, Isabelle, I wanna honor, like it might not have been little yucks too. Like having like snow days are big yucks and it changes your frequency of like how much of the yuck you can actually get. So like your whole quotient of yuck is now disrupted. And like, yeah, like I would, I wanna say like this is, it's not like, let's really think about little yucks being little. Like it's not like he.

Isabelle (57:47.191)
Bye!

That's true!

David (57:59.508)
When he was talking about little yucks, he actually made a big distinction. This is not about doing the big things. This is about doing the little yuck things for you.

Isabelle (58:05.486)
Thanks for watching!

Isabelle (58:09.822)
Like, is it okay? So is a little yuck like you're walking past a pot like the mail, and you know, you got to shred the male. And the little yuck is like shredding that shredding the mail. Instead of letting that mail pile up and not shredding it because then it would turn into a big yuck. Is that kind of it?

David (58:24.075)
Yes.

David (58:31.092)
So it's let's think about it not as like the future like what we're it's the moment in this present. You have energy. You are in between a transition. What do you want to do? I can do a little yuck. I got 10 minutes. I got five minutes. What's a little yuck task? Oh, I'll shred this mail. Right and maybe that takes you three minutes. You're not thinking about the future mail. That's not piling up. You're just thinking what can I do right now in this time?

Isabelle (58:55.586)
Huh.

Isabelle (59:01.322)
Yeah, yeah.

David (59:01.78)
Then the male shredded, easy difficulty. We're not going higher. We're not trying to connect it to the future.

Isabelle (59:06.488)
Mm-hmm.

David (59:08.008)
and you move on, go to the thing you want, but you did the mail.