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Tap to send me your reflections ♡ In this season finale, I want to reflect on something that's been on my mind a lot recently: the power of self-compassion and how we can embrace moments of "wintering" in our lives. For me, wintering isn’t just about the colder months, it’s about the times when we feel called to turn inward, to rest, to nurture ourselves, and to find a sense of renewal. This is partly why I’ve started a new practice of taking a winter break from mid-December to mid-January. I...
Tap to send me your reflections ♡
In this season finale, I want to reflect on something that's been on my mind a lot recently: the power of self-compassion and how we can embrace moments of "wintering" in our lives. For me, wintering isn’t just about the colder months, it’s about the times when we feel called to turn inward, to rest, to nurture ourselves, and to find a sense of renewal.
This is partly why I’ve started a new practice of taking a winter break from mid-December to mid-January. I’ve learned over the years that these intentional pauses for reflection and reconnection are necessary for me, and I suspect it will become something I’ll do every year.
Wintering seems to be featuring in many places right now. And I’ve even discovered that, astrologically, I’ve moved into my eighth house, a time that encourages reflection, introspection, and change. Maybe that’s why I’ve felt like I’ve been wintering since the summer?
Throughout this episode, I share how compassion - whether it’s toward ourselves or others - has such a profound impact on our well-being. I talk about how small, everyday acts of kindness toward ourselves release dopamine and oxytocin, helping us feel more connected and at ease. This is something I see in my own life, in the everyday ♡ compassion emails I send out, and in the connections I’m fortunate to make with you all.
I also share a poem from my My Darling Girl series, which feels especially fitting. It’s a reminder that loving ourselves is at the heart of everything we do. I hope it resonates with you as it does with me.
As we close the year, I'd love to invite you to reflect on how you can embrace these small acts of compassion, both toward yourself and others.
Thank you for being part of this journey with me. Sending you so much love, a big hug, and a wave. Let’s carry the warmth of compassion into the new year together.
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...
A space to settle in and listen, and see where the episode takes you. This inspiring, reflective podcast is an invitation to travel deeper, with compassionate self-enquiry.
Henny shares insights from her own life, alongside practices that help us connect with our inner wisdom, explore our relationship with change and find a greater sense of flow. Henny believes we all hold our own answers, so there are no one-size-fits-all solutions here. This is a space to be with what’s true for you, and to grow from there.
If you’re drawn to slowing down, listening in, and exploring what it means to live with greater authenticity, this podcast is for you. Guided by psychology, mindfulness, therapeutic coaching, flow journaling, and everyday compassion, we explore ideas that help us step further into our inner worlds, in order to shape the changes we seek in our outer worlds.
Speaker 1: So I was meant to do
quite a few other things and I
felt that I would rather be here
with you.
Welcome to the Henny Flynn
podcast, the space for deepening
self-awareness with profound
self-compassion.
I'm Henny, I write, coach and
speak about how exploring our
inner world can transform how we
experience our outer world, all
founded on a bedrock of
self-love.
Settle in and listen and see
where the episode takes you,
episode takes you, and that
decision making, those kinds of
decisions, can be an act of
profound compassion.
It can also be an act of
profound distraction and
procrastination and sort of
mindlessness as opposed to
mindfulness, but in this
instance it was definitely an
act of profound compassion.
Rather than burying myself in
some administrative tasks that,
yes, they, they do need doing
and I trust that I will do them,
it also felt like a really
lovely way to close the year, to
come and be with you and to
have a little bit of a chat and
just see what arises.
So this is going to be the last
episode in this season of the
podcast and I am about to head
into my winter break, so you
might already know that every
summer I take the whole of
August to rest, to reset, to
reconnect with myself and with
others, and my learning has been
that as I've got older, as the
nature of my work has changed, I
need another little bit of time
at the end of the year to do
the same thing.
So I am beginning a new
practice, which is to take four
weeks between the middle of
December and the middle of
January, and I suspect it's
going to like the August break.
It's going to become a practice
that I follow each year.
There's been an awful lot
recently about this art of
wintering and of course there's
the beautiful wintering book has
just come out and I've had lots
of messages from people telling
me that they are reading it,
enjoying it, have bought it,
that they are reading it,
enjoying it, have bought it.
And I'm mindful that my last
episode, episode eight of this
season, was about my own sense
of wintering and actually my
sense that wintering isn't
necessarily just something that
happens in a kind of seasonal
sense.
It's not necessarily if you're
in this part of the world I'm
based in the UK it's not
necessarily December, january,
february, but the essence of
wintering this need to turn
inward, to care for ourselves,
to embrace ourselves and nurture
ourselves.
To be honest, my sense is that
we can have those periods of
time, whatever the time of year
it is, and and I think I might
have shared in the last episode
that I feel as though there has
been a part of me that's been
wintering since the summer.
And it's interesting, actually,
because I've been reading the
book Stars Aligned from,
published by Inner Work Project,
who are my publishers as well,
project, who are my publishers
as well, and I now can't
remember the name of the, the
author, for I really wish I had
it in front of me.
Actually, if I'd known I was
going to talk about it, I'd have
brought it.
So, yes, so I've been thinking
about something that came up in
the book, which is that on the
beginning of each new year,
according to our birthday, we
move into a new house in our
astrological chart.
I know very little about
astrology, so you may know an
awful lot more than I do, but it
was quite interesting.
So my birthday's in August and
it was quite interesting to see
that I've moved into my eighth
house and that the eighth house
can be a time of turning inward,
reflection, introspection,
death also features, not
necessarily of the individual,
hopefully, but in terms of the
symbolism of death, being times
of change, transformation, and I
was really curious about that,
having already observed that I
feel as though I've been
wintering since August.
Well, maybe, maybe, maybe part
of that is explained by me
moving into this eighth house.
I'm going to share a link to
the book for you in the notes.
It's really interesting.
I love anything that makes us
think or look at things
differently.
I'm incredibly open to
different ideas and you know,
and I trust, that I'll make my
own judgment about things and
take what feels useful, and
hopefully that is the same for
you when you listen to this
podcast.
You take the things that feel
useful and, you know, leave the
things that don't.
It's, that's, that's really all
any of us can ever do.
So what else is on my mind?
Oh, something that I realised,
and in fact, I've actually used
the word embracing today already
this idea of embracing
ourselves being part of
wintering.
When I looked at the titles of
um the last few episodes from
this season, I noticed that the
word embracing appears, I think
it's like five times again, I
haven't got it in front of me
now, but I think it's like five
times, and there's only been
eight episodes so far.
This is episode nine, um, and I
was really curious about that
and I thought, well, maybe this
speaks to something that, um,
many of us are feeling, this,
this need to hold ourselves
tenderly.
I'm definitely seeing echoes of
this in a lot of places, both
with clients, with friends, with
family members, and and in that
kind of wider community of the
people that I follow and the
people that follow me on
Instagram, which is pretty much
the only social space that I
really pay attention to these
days.
So, yeah, so embracing, and
when I noticed that just before
coming on air with you now, I
thought, well, does what does
that speak of to me?
And really, it speaks of
everyday compassion, this idea
that we can actually embrace
ourselves.
You know, and embrace, I mean
gosh, just that word isn't Just
so filled with love, filled with
compassion, and actually, even
as I'm sitting here, I have this
urge to put my arms around
myself.
In fact, I'm going to do that.
You might hear my bracelets
jangling.
You know, this feeling that we
can actually hold ourselves.
I mean that is such a beautiful
gesture and and I suppose, like
, as I'm going off, um, you know
, into my winter break, um, one
of the things is, you know, if
you don't, uh, if you're not yet
signed up to the email list,
then this won't uh, you won't
notice this anyway but if you
are part of the email list, then
you'll see that things are
going to be a little bit quieter
for me, because there won't be
another episode of the podcast,
so you won't get a notification
about that, I won't be sending
out my Sunday musings, and so it
will be a little bit quieter.
However, if you are signed up
to the almost daily emails,
everyday compassion, those very
short, concise, little gestures
of everyday compassion, if
you're signed up to that list,
then you'll see that they will
keep coming, they will keep
flowing.
And it's funny, you know,
because I came to a point
recently where I thought maybe
I'm done, maybe it's done, maybe
the huge flurry of creative
energy that created those has
dissipated and maybe my act of
compassion toward myself is to
accept that that's it, they're
done.
Um, and I actually spoke to
Anton about it and I just said,
you know, with something like
that, it has to come right from
the heart.
It can't be something that I
sit and think about and force
and sort of consciously create
consciously as in you know,
effortfully create.
It needs to be something that
just pours out of me, and so I'd
kind of come to terms with.
That made me feel a little bit
sad, but it was okay.
I just thought, well, maybe it
was only meant to be so many
months, and now it's done.
And then, obviously, what
happened the next morning is I
woke up with a huge like flurry
of the messaging that I wanted
to share, and I have no idea
where I say I share and, um, I
have no idea where I say I
wanted to share.
I have no idea where these
things actually come from.
I don't think they come from me
.
I can't take any credit, um,
but I had a huge, uh, creative,
uh, inspirational flurry, and so
they will be continuing and
they are all set, ready to go.
I received them, just like you,
if you get them.
I received them in my inbox as
well, and I'm always surprised
by them, because I never know
which one is going to land.
And you know, I set them up to
run quite a long time, sort of
in the future, if you see what I
mean.
So by the time they arrive,
I've forgotten what it is, and I
always find that they are
useful in some way.
Maybe sometimes they're more
useful than others, sometimes
they're less useful than others,
but they always seem to provide
a moment just to drop in, to
drop in to that, that essence of
the day, and connect with
myself, with myself.
And the reason why these kinds
of things are useful is that
because, for so many of us, the
ruminations of our monkey mind,
our automatic thinking, can be
or can feel so negative and and
some days it can feel extremely
negative.
So, consciously choosing to
invite in something, an almost
daily email that is designed to
open us up to this more loving
outlook, is like a balm to our
heart or a salve to our soul.
You know, these little messages
of love, these little messages
of everyday compassion, they are
there to help you counteract
and calm negative thoughts.
Now, I understand that for many
of us, negative thoughts.
Now, I understand that for many
of us, the idea of having, you
know, three emails coming into
our inbox each week can feel
like a lot.
You know, and if that feels
like a lot for you, then your
act of compassion is not to
invite them in, but if that
feels like something that you
feel could be interesting to
explore, then I'll include a
link to sign up to them.
And if you've had them before,
decided you didn't want them and
now feel like you want them
again, can absolutely just sign
up again and just see what value
they bring you.
I hooked out a quote which is
about the proven power of
compassion, and this is from a
medical journal talking about
how compassion does not fatigue
us.
I mean, there's a lot within
that statement, so let's not get
distracted by that.
But the quote is compassion
goes beyond feeling with the
other to feeling for the other.
Unlike empathy, compassion
increases activity in the areas
of the brain involved in
dopaminergic reward so your
dopamine and oxytocin-related
affiliative processes and
enhances positive emotions in
response to adverse situations.
So, essentially, when we engage
with this feeling of compassion
whether that is toward another
person or toward ourselves we
get these little hits of
dopamine, which is one of the
the feel-good uh hormones, one
of the things that, um, that
actually gets activated when we
engage in addictive behaviors.
But obviously compassion is
something that is really good
for us on so many levels.
So we're're getting that
dopamine hit without having to
do the binge watching of Netflix
, smoking, drinking, shopping
whatever the thing is that might
give us dopamine otherwise and
oxytocin is.
That again is another one of the
feel-good hormones.
It's the caregiving hormone and
what we understand about
oxytocin is that it's the.
It's the hormone that is
released by nursing mothers when
their babies are very, very
small, and it's this, this
internal drug, that helps us
connect with love to another.
When we think about compassion
and expressing compassion to
other people, we get this feel
good experience inside our body
and we all recognize this.
You know, think of the people
that you love and how you feel
when you're with them.
You know part of that will be
your oxytocin getting released.
Now the other research around
compassion from people like Dr
Kristen Neff.
If you don't know
selfcompassionorg as a website,
I highly recommend it.
It's full of brilliant
materials for how to access and
build your self-compassion.
It's also full of research
around compassion, and one of
the things that we recognize now
through this, these incredible
studies into compassion, is that
it begins with us.
It is extremely hard to
experience compassion toward
others.
I'm not I'm sorry if you can
hear that background noise.
It's, uh, the farm next door
running a tractor, um, but it's
the experience of um expressing,
uh, this loving kindness toward
ourselves that enables us to
more fully express it toward
others.
I've talked about this on the
podcast a lot and I really hope
it's not over egging that
particular pudding.
But you know, seriously, the
act of self-compassion is one of
the most generous things that
we can put into place in the way
that we react to and interact
with other people.
So, you know, for me, these
tiny messages from everyday
compassion are like a regular
reminder to release some
oxytocin and a little bit of
dopamine into our system.
You know, the power of the word
is very well proven.
Poets have always known it.
Um, and you know, perhaps,
perhaps these words will have an
impact on you.
And if you already receive
everyday compassion, these,
these emails that I send out,
then maybe, hopefully, perhaps,
you'll understand more, even
more, of what I'm saying.
And and it feels like such a
lovely topic to close the year
on a year where there's been a
lot of unrest, you know,
globally, maybe locally, maybe
in your own country, in your own
community, in your own life.
And I've just got that song
what the World Needs Now is love
, sweet love, going through my
head.
And you know, just echoing what
I was saying before, when we
practice that toward ourselves,
it's much easier to receive it
from others and it's much easier
to share it with others too.
So I'd really love to share a
piece of writing from the second
volume of my Darling Girl were
written for me at a time when I
was going through some
extraordinarily painful changes
and reflections and uncertainty
and unrest and you know, I was
waking up.
They were really the, the poems
that poured out of my pen, um
to me, for me, um, and helped me
with my own enormous and
ongoing change journey.
And then the poems of my darling
girl, volume two.
There's something a little
different about those.
They feel as though I mean for
me, as I, as I read them, I feel
like they represent being a
little bit further along my path
and maybe, if you've got copies
of the two books, maybe you
resonate with this as well.
But I thought for today,
talking about compassion,
talking about the deep wisdom of
compassion, passion, this very
kind of adult relationship with
ourselves, I thought maybe the
poetry from volume two might be
more resonant and I immediately
came to this poem and I'd love
to share it with you and maybe,
maybe, it speaks to you as well,
it with you, and maybe, maybe
it speaks to you as well.
My darling girl, I can love you.
I can, light your way, shine
full beam, share your burdens,
take your hand when the sky is
dark.
I can stand beside you, stay
here always, speak words of love
, soothe your fear of the black
dog's bark.
I can hold you through it all.
But, my darling child, I cannot
love you for you.
Only you can love yourself.
Turn your gaze inside.
You See all that I can see.
Have faith in your true essence
and in your seeing be.
That's from page 57, if you want
to go to your own copy of my
darling girl too, um, so that
feels like a a natural place to
pause.
And, and something else that I
would love to share with you is
you know, I said at the
beginning that I chose to come
and talk with you rather than do
the things that I'd mentally
planned, prepared, thought about
doing, and in this act, I knew
it was an act of self-compassion
to to come and sit here and
just talking about compassion
and talking about how important
these things are and connecting
in with some of the thoughts and
the feelings that are
associated with it builds that
feeling inside me too, and maybe
I've got a little bit of a
dopamine hit and some oxytocin
running through my system, and I
really, really hope that being
here and connecting together in
this way also brings some of
that feeling for you too, so I
will share.
I'll share a link to that
beautiful book that I mentioned
from Inner Work Project about
stars aligned.
I will also share links to my
Darling Girl as well, in case
that's something that's new for
you.
That's something that's new for
you.
And please do sign up for the
everyday compassion emails.
If you've never had them, then
you've got many to enjoy.
They will just begin at the
beginning and work through, and
if you already receive them,
then there are definitely some
more in the pipeline, so
hopefully you'll enjoy those too
.
So I'm sending you so much love
, so much love, and I send you a
hug and a wave.
Thank you, thank you.