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The Noon Hour Of Madness & Mayhem can be heard live on KBEAR 101 weekdays at 12pm MST. Viktor and Peaches talk about a wide variety of topics depending on the day and you never know what to expect!
[upbeat jazz music] The noon hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast.
This is the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. What's up, Peaches?
It's Tuesday, isn't it?
Yay. Yay for Tuesday. Feels like Monday to me, 'cause I wasn't here.
'Cause you took the day off.
Always taking-
Typical liberal
... always taking time off.
That's right
When's Victor gonna work?
What, what do you think you are, Howard Stern? Judge Judy?
That's right. It's like, it was my birthday weekend. Of course I'm gonna take a day off if I can.
You gonna wa- Yellowstone one weekend?
I know.
Magically you're always taking vacations.
Oh, I go on so many vacations, Peaches.
Did someone actually complain about that?
Uh, Lauren did one day on Facebook.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Remember, "Victor ever gonna work?" It's like, if I didn't have to, I wouldn't work at all. No. You guys better hope I don't win the lottery, 'cause there ain't gonna be no more Victor Wilt in the morning.
I was, uh, listening to a different, uh, radio show, and they were talking about Julio Jones, uh, who's now a reti... He, he's retired. He's a former NFL wide receiver.
Okay.
One of the best to ever do it. And, uh, he, he's 37 years old.
Mm-hmm.
And he's like, "Yeah, I'm just done. I have my millions of dollars. Um, I've played my career. I can play basketball when I want to. I don't need to train all the time."
Yeah.
"Life's good."
Totally.
And he's like, "I'm done with the sport. I'm never wanting to make a comeback again. I just wanna chill out."
Well, dude, and if you had ... Like, if you had Howard Stern money-
100 million a year? Oh, yeah
... you could have ... 100 million a year for who knows how many years. You could have so much fun spending that money.
Dude.
[laughs] Dude.
I would buy you a Dolce & Gabbana refrigerator-
Okay
... right away.
I'd buy everybody a Dolce & Gabbana refrigerator.
[laughs] Right away.
Sure, sure.
My accountant would hate me.
[laughs]
Why'd you buy five of these?
Yeah.
What's going on here? [laughs]
I know. I just don't ... Like, they say that, you know, once you retire then you just die. Maybe that's what they're afraid of, but ... Dude, I don't know. Find a hobby, something to keep you busy.
Oh yeah, go on vacation.
There you go.
I watched a clip of Matthew McConaughey talking about how, like, he just dropped everything and took the family to the, the, the Greek islands or whatever. I ... Heck, heck if I know. Uh, see, I can't even name the islands. He b- he was naming them.
Yeah, that's 'cause we don't look at other places-
Yeah
... [laughs] because we can't afford to go there.
I know where Idaho Falls is.
Yeah, that's right.
Pocatello, Rexburg.
Big, big trip.
Yeah. [laughs]
Boise or Salt Lake. Yeah.
I'm going to the, uh, the, the beard stylist. That's, that's my big-
Oh, oh, oh
... spending trip.
Whoa.
Spending 40 bucks on that.
Okay, Peaches.
[laughs]
Or just you waiting.
I guess you're outta stuff to sell.
Just, just-
So now it's mo-
[laughs]
You know, time to ... What can I do? I need to spend this money from my stuff I sold. That's right, make my beard pretty.
When I was at the, uh, farmer's market this past Saturday, um, Josh was like, "Do you have a chair?" [laughs] And I'm like, "No, I sold them both." [laughs]
You sold your outdoor chairs?
Yeah, 'cause I'm like, "Oh, there's no reason for me to hang out on the patio. I'm hardly ever out there."
Oh my gosh, Peaches.
What are you gonna do, sit there like an old man and rock back and forth listening to CCR?
Yeah, you sit back and read your book.
Drinking tea or coffee going, "Ah, it's nice to have land." And the, the, the lawnmowers, you know, the l- the gardener.
I was thinking of that. When you brought this in, were you, like, just leaving it here? What ... Were you-
No, I need to bring that ... I need to take that back.
Okay. You brought it in and I'm like, "All right, Peaches, are you gonna list this for sale or what?"
[laughs]
Like, why is it ... It's not at your house.
Listeners don't know what we're talking about, 'cause you didn't say what it was.
It's the Zen of Screaming instructional, uh, DVD, which if you're not familiar with it, it's this, uh, woman who teaches you how to be a metal vocalist.
Well, the thing is, is that if, if we have a disc drive here, I could, uh, start learning how to do metal vocals here in the studio.
You could, but we don't have a disc drive.
We do in the Cannon Ball studio.
Oh, okay. Perfect place to practice metal vocals.
Yeah. Mo- move over Savannah from, uh, Ag Culture or Ag Country, whatever it's called. You know, I'll, I'll, I'll take over that studio and you, all of a sudden you just hear. [growls] The whole time.
I'm in my office, "Shut up over there, Peaches!"
[laughs]
"Quiet!"
I'm learning how to metal scream, okay? [growls] I can't do it now.
[upbeat jazz music] It's the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. I'm Victor.
I'm Peaches, and the last time I got weighed was at, uh, urgent care. You know, when they force you to go on that scale?
Yeah.
And then for some reason they put it in kilograms.
I hate that. I really hate that-
I, uh-
... 'cause you're like, "What does this number mean?"
The last two times it's been in pounds, so I've seen my actual weight.
Mm-hmm.
At urgent care it was 399, and I was like-
Whoo
... "Oh, whoa, okay."
Beefcake.
That's right. Yeah, yeah.
[laughs]
Beefcake, all right.
Beefcake.
[laughs] More like the whole cow.
[laughs]
I need to move myself. [laughs] So, uh, since then, uh ... Well, this morning I went to the cardiologist. That's why I was late today. I had an 8:45 appointment, which they say it's for 8:45.
Yeah.
Anytime you go to the doctor-
You know
... any counseling doctor, uh, any chiropractor even, they tell you, "Oh, it's, it's for this time this date."
Yeah.
You show up before that time, 'cause you're, you're a kind person, and then they make you wait in the waiting room
before they call you even later than your appointment time to go back to the actual-
Yeah
... like, office. And then you wait in the office even longer.
So did you learn a lesson?
Well, I, I didn't actually show up early this time.
[laughs] Yes, that's what I was gonna say.
I, I showed up-
Show up right on time
... I showed up right at 8:45 and said, "I'm here."
That's right.
And then-
That's what I do
... of course I waited 10 minutes, and then they go, "Brendan, you're, you're ... Come on back."
Yeah.
And then-
So it eliminates all that showing up there early waiting time.
Well, they weighed me, and I was like, "All right, it's..." And then she, she was like, "It should be in kilograms." And I see it's in pounds still.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm down 32 pounds. Now at 367.
Oh, good for you. [laughs]
You had, you had that ready to go.
I did. [laughs]
You knew where I was going. I was like, "All right, 32 pounds," but I'm also like-
Wow, wow, woo, wow, is a very nice. [laughs]
But I'm also like, last night I did two laps around the greenbelt.
Oh, dang.
I got to 13,000 steps.
Let me check out my steps from the weekend. I would've gotten more, um, but both Becca and Emory fell asleep when we left, uh, Norris Geyser Basin and were driving toward the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. So as they were driving along, I was like, "Yes, they're asleep."And I got to listen to the whole new Devin Townsend album, start to finish. I wasn't gonna put them through that 'cause I know Becca would've hated it. I thought it was wonderful and a masterpiece, but she would've definitely hated it. It's very over the top, if you haven't listened to it yet.
No, I listened to the first couple of tracks.
Okay. Yeah, it's w- like proggy and orchestral with lots of operatic vocals [laughs] like the whole time. It does get really heavy at parts too, but yeah. So, so anyway, back to... What, what got me on this tangent?
You were talking about steps. You're checking your steps.
Oh, steps. That's right.
There you go.
So it's called, what? Health?
Yeah.
Okay, let's see what I got in
on Saturday. I click the steps. Let's go back.
Oh, this is giving me an average.
Yes.
Can you tell how often I use this app, Peaches?
So it should show you a graph once you click on it.
Okay. Steps, and I see... Okay. There we go.
My average... What's... what, what, what is your average?
Probably not very good, uh, 'cause now I get off of that.
I'm at 7,618 steps on average.
I... Yeah, I only did 11,400 steps on Saturday, and then the day before-
Holy. That's a, that's a lot for you. That's a lot.
And then the day before, uh, 7,200. The day before that, uh, 9,000.
Apparently on Wednesday last week I didn't move, 'cause I had 1,829 steps. But all these other days, 13,000, 11,000, 9,000, 8,000 here.
Yeah. I don't know where... Now I can't find that average. Oh, well. I mean, it doesn't really matter that much, but-
Yeah, it is kinda bad, but, uh-
Yeah. But it... You know, it's nice that it tracks your steps, and it made me feel a little bit better about myself.
Right. Right. And it made me feel better that I was walking around the Greenbelt listening to Sleep Token-
Yeah
... even in Arcadia. Um, but then... So what, what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to lose overall, if I can, if I can, 160 pounds in total.
Whoa. Where did Peaches go?
That's how, that's how I used to look.
You- You're gonna look like the entrance to the Backrooms-
[laughs]
... is what you're gonna look like if you lose that mu- that many pounds, Peaches.
So I, I... The thing is, is that I'm d- I'm taking it slowly. I mean, the diet's changed quite a lot. Actually, I shouldn't say I'm taking it slowly. If anything, I'm ramping it up because I have the Wegovy, I have the, uh, the diet that's completely changed, and I sent you a video of my refrigerator-
I... Yeah
... on Snapchat, and you didn't even say, "Oh, good job, Peaches." Nothing. You just said, "You're going insane, Peaches."
[laughs] Yes. Yes.
Uh, 'cause I... My, my, my-
[laughs]
... refrigerator is filled with tomatoes, blueberries, grapes, kiwis, cucumbers, mozzarella, yogurt. Uh, there's, like, fat-free cottage cheese.
Mm-hmm.
And then I opened up this little cupboard, and there's tons of sardines.
Uh, yeah.
And I have sardines in my lunch pail with hard-boiled eggs as well, and turkey sticks.
Okay. Sounds-
And so I'm getting ready to fart max.
Sounds great. [laughs] Fart max?
I... Look, dude-
Keep your sardine farts out of here. [laughs]
I, I, I have the meeting with Jade tomorrow. I figured today-
I'll save them up
... would be the day to build up the protein even more so.
Heck yeah.
So that way tomorrow when he's, you know, egging me about, uh, Z103, no pun intended-
Give him some rotten eggs
... I, I gotta... You just be like, "All right, this, this is what I think about what you just said."
[laughs] Do it. Do it. He deserves it.
But so I... As I'm trying to lose this weight, I'm trying to get a better...
You know that stupid phrase, "Love yourself"?
Yeah. I know.
In The Amity Affliction has that big breakdown.
Mm-hmm.
Uh,
I, I... So I decided, you know what? I need to stop avoiding myself in the mirror. So I have this giant vertical mirror that was used for something else. That was... It, it-
I don't even wanna know
... for somebody else. It... So-
Okay
... so then it was in my, it was in my, uh, bedroom-
I'm surprised you didn't sell it [laughs]
... behind the door. Well, I bought it for $4.
[laughs]
It's not gonna... [laughs] I'm not gonna sell it for, like-
You could sell it for-
... 50 cents. [laughs]
[laughs]
Yay.
[laughs]
That's gonna help with my car payment-
Yeah, if it-
... if it was 1936.
Then... [laughs] Hey, try to sell it for 10. Make yourself six bucks profit.
So I decided, you know what? I'm, I'm not wanting this behind my bedroom door anymore. I'm gonna put it right there at the end of the hallway so that way when I-
Oh, geez
... that way when I leave my bedroom every single weekday, I see myself in boxers.
Oh, fantastic.
And I decided, you know what? Through our insurance, we now have those, uh, uh, we have... We can get a free weight scale-
Yeah
... that you can track on the app, and it gets sent to, like, your doctor, by the way. [laughs]
What?
So, like, you can send that data to your doctor.
Okay. I'm... I, I have not hooked up the, the Bluetooth or Wi-Fi on my scale.
Oh. [laughs]
I've only stepped on it once-
The first world problem
... I stepped on it one time and was like, "God, you're fat."
[laughs]
And then, and then-
That's how I feel about myself. That's why I'm like, "I'm doing this." And, uh, for the longest time I've made fun of those people, specifically women, who have put, like, the Post-it notes on the mirror of, like, "You're beautiful," and all that stuff.
But now that's you.
I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that.
Yet.
I, I'm just... No, sh- sh-
Yet. [laughs]
Calm down. I'm not that crazy.
Yet.
I'm not that cringe.
I'm just gonna say yet to everything you say. [laughs]
[laughs] I, I, I-
I didn't think you'd sell all your possessions either
... well, I, I put the scale in front of the mirror, and I was like, "All right, here we go. I'm gonna start doing this, like, every day." And it might make me even worse. It might make me just go out-
[laughs]
... and start running the 12 miles every single day. I've already started watching the David Goggins videos, all right? [laughs]
No, Peaches, don't watch that.
[laughs]
Next thing you know you'll be like, "I don't have enough hours in the day to walk. I'm gonna start using methamphetamines."
[laughs]
"I need more time to burn calories."
[laughs] Methamphetamine Monday, here we go.
Sleep is for the weak.
Inject myself with all the stuff.
Don't do meth, kids. It's very bad. [laughs] Okay?
Turn myself into Bane, like we talked about-
[laughs]
... off the air. Start wearing the face mask. I mean, I already have the wallpaper of me as Bane.
Ladies and gentlemen-
I'm getting ready-
... Peaches is losing his mind.
[laughs]
He is going crazy. Like, I messaged him back on Snapchat, [laughs] "I was not going to address the food choices."
I, I cut out bread. Like, if some- someone was trying to tempt me with a burger, I said, "I can't. A burger's a state of mind, you know? I, uh... A burger's a sign of weakness."
I'm surprised you ain't going and ordering the burgers lapped in, wrapped in lettuce.Now?
What the he- why the heck would I do that for?
I don't know. People do it.
I'm gonna cuss in the air here.
People do [laughs]
[laughs]
[upbeat music] This is the noon hour of madness and mayhem. What's happening, Peaches?
You know, a first world problem when you're bald is you have to shave every so often because you don't wanna have that stubble growing out the sides of your head, and you get that horseshoe look or whatever.
You, you making fun of me? [laughs]
No, I'm talking about myself.
Okay. 'Cause, yes, I do need to shave my head.
Uh, y- no, yesterday I was like, "Man, it's getting long." And for, uh, for us, long is, like, you know-
Half a centimeter
... yeah. No, even less than that. Uh-
Oh, yeah
... when I can see it, I'm like, "Da- da- da, that's it. Get the razor." Ts, ts, ts, you know-
Yeah
... across the head. Well, I don't know if you've seen the Band-Aid on the top of my head here.
Oh. No, I didn't notice it. It was covered up by the headphones.
I, I, I'm glad nobody's really said anything.
No one can see the top of your head.
True.
[laughs]
True. I forgot about that.
So, uh, that means I could, uh, potentially ruin my scalp and nobody would know-
Yeah, if you got a tattoo-
... until I sat down
... if you got a tattoo right on top of your head.
Well, even worse, I could get skin cancer and nobo- nobo- no doctor would be able to tell me.
Yeah, no one's gonna be able to tell you, "You better hope the top of your head's okay, Peaches." [laughs]
I just showed you the, uh, the video of Victor Wembanyama, who's 7'4", getting interviewed by some lady, and of course, she's like 5'3" or whatever, and she's probably in heels trying to put the microphone by his mouth, and she's not even on the screen.
Yeah, just her arm.
She, she looks like the Statue of Liberty with the-
[laughs]
... with the, the microphone in the air.
That was funny.
And, uh, where, where was I going with this? Oh, yeah, so my... So yesterday I'm shaving my head, and all of a sudden I feel this tsst.
Yeah, and you're like, "Oh, damn."
I looked at my hand.
Blood.
A giant chunk of skin.
Oh.
I know people are eating right now.
Mm.
And then all of a sudden-
Imagine scraping a chunk of skin off your head with a razor
... the blood is coming down the side of my head.
Yeah.
I walk out of the bathroom because I didn't wanna use toilet paper on my head to wipe off the blood.
Uh-huh.
So I, I go to the kitchen. And of course, the mirror that I just talked about in the previous break is right there.
So you get your hands-
And I'm in my boxers
... and you rub them all over your head-
And so I looked like-
... and you're just smearing the blood on yourself. It puts the blood on the skin.
I look like Ric Flair now-
[laughs]
... after, like, a hardcore match, just like, "I'm about to win the championship." While I'm stumbling out of the bathroom, I got blood coming down the side of my head. I put ointment on it, and it wouldn't stop bleeding either.
No.
That's the annoying part.
Mm-hmm.
Forget the deep cut. Dude, when you do, like, the, the laceration right there, and you... I'm still holding onto the skin.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm like, "What do I even do with this?" Do I just throw it away? I'm like, "I'll just throw it away." And, and then I get the ointment. I get the paper towel, and it's still profusely bleeding. I almost sent you a picture on Snapchat going, "Oops."
You should have. [laughs] "Look at that blood."
That's right. But no-
Yeah
... then now I got a giant cut on the side of my head. And I... Even this morning when I took the Band-Aid off, 'cause I had a giant Band-Aid on, [laughs] it almost looked like a yarmulke on the side of my head, uh, that I ha- I had to put a smaller Band-Aid on. But I m- I was so worried at the cardiologist this morning, 'cause it, it happened this morning when I-
Mm
... when I took the Band-Aid off, it started bleeding again. That I was gonna have, like, dried blood all over the side of my face or whatever.
That'd be cool.
And I showed up to the cardiologist appointment, "I'm ready."
[laughs]
I, I,
I'm ready for my yearly checkup.
So you got a big chunk missing out of the top of your head.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, you'll have to let me know how long it takes for the, uh, skin to grow back.
Oh, sure.
I'm curious.
Yeah. With, with my medications, though, I think it slows things down.
Mm.
Who knows? But that's, that part is gonna grow hair, I feel like, 'cause I'm not gonna go over it with a razor again.
Well, or else it's not gonna grow. I, I don't know. You'll have to keep us posted. Wouldn't it be funny if that one spot, it just grew extra fast?
Sure.
[laughs] You just got this one little patch that's just sticking up.
It's right here-
[laughs]
... on the left side. Also, I look like Curly from Three Stooges.
Yes.
[laughs] [upbeat music] This is the noon hour of madness and mayhem. And what's happening, Peaches?
Obviously, a huge staple of, uh, metal shows is that one guy in the audience that puts on a banana costume.
Yeah. Yeah.
And did you see that story about the one band that was like, "I want you guys to tear off that banana costume-"
[laughs] Yeah
... "off that loser in the crowd."
[laughs] Like, what's their problem? Settle down, dudes.
And what's going on with these metal bands that are like... Uh, that one metal band that put out shirts that was like, "We kill Kublai Khan fans."
Yeah.
Uh, you wanna m- pick a fight with Matt Honeycutt, go for it.
[laughs]
That guy seems pretty big, not gonna lie.
[laughs] Oh.
It's like me saying, "Uh, uh, Slaughter to Prevail fans are stupid."
Well, I mean-
Like-
[laughs] No, just kidding. Slaughter to Prevail fans-
They're probably mostly Russian.
[laughs]
Some of them are into MMA.
Yeah. What band was playing here? End it. And they, uh-
Yeah, they should end it. They should-
Yeah
... they should cut their career short.
You should not encourage the audience to attack anyone and, you know, I... Was the guy wearing clothes underneath?
I meant cut their career short as in stop performing, not, like, actually end themselves.
Yeah, yes.
Okay? I don't, I don't want... I don't promote that. All right?
I, I would assume people... Like, I thought you were saying end their band career.
Yes.
That's an-
I wanna make sure I'm em- I'm emphasizing that.
Okay. So, um, did they rip his suit off? Did they rip his banana suit off, the crowd?
Mm.
Wow. Banana guy, come to the front. Blank are you doing. Whoa, and then they u- they use a word that is not appropriate. Maybe for the singer it was appro- I'm, I'm not gonna... Anyway, what else did they say?
Maybe we should add it to inspirational messages.
[laughs] So they told him, um... Hold on. It, it's a pretty good quote here. How did I lose it? How did I lose it? Okay, come to the front.
Banana guy, come to the front. Kbear101.
Yeah. What are you doing, my blank? No, no, no, no, you don't get rewarded for doing that, blank. He wanted the attention, now he has it, and now everyone has to kill you, said another band member. Um, they said they'd give the set list to anyone who would strip the banana. Um,
but I don't know if they actually ripped the guy's suit off. He, he, he probably shouldn't, 'cause he might be naked underneath. If you were gonna wear a banana suit to a show, would you wear any clothes underneath? [laughs]
I'd wear a banana hammock.
[laughs]
'Cause you'd have to.
I guess you ha- yeah.
It's like you wanna rip the banana suit off me. Get ready for a, a thing f- that's gonna fuel your nightmares.
I... Which would be worse, the banana hammock suit or just straight naked?
Uh, banana hammock, because then you're, like, pretending-
It is dis-
... to cover things up and-
Yeah
... you look like King Kong Bundy trying to [laughs] tr- like a fat Borat.
It is a weird look, for sure. [laughs] Thank you, Borat, for bringing that to the world's attention. UghYeah. Try to be nice to people at shows, all right? Don't, don't attack other members of the crowd, even if the band encourages you to. [laughs]
It's just weird that these, like, underground metal bands are trying to, like, start fights with-
I'm guessing they wanted to-
... fans of bigger metal bands or whatever. They want to s- they want to have a marketing stunt.
Yeah. It, it worked. I'd never heard of this band. You know, they're all over the internet today.
Right?
But
I don't think people like it. You know? I don't think it's positive press, and they say no- there's no such thing as bad press, but-
Well, there, there was that one guy, that one Twitch streamer that caught his girlfriend cheating with her own cousin.
Oh, yeah. You told me about that.
Because of the $900 litter box that he had-
Mm-hmm
... that has a camera on the inside.
[laughs]
I- it's like, well,
that could be a marketing stunt.
It could.
But it also could be like, "All right. All right, babe. You know what we gotta do. We gotta bring it within the family, and we gotta have you pretend to cheat so that way I can pretend I'm all outraged on camera on the next stream. It gains national news. I get a lot of money to the channel-
Mm-hmm
... but we're gonna have to, like, you know, dip your reputation a little bit 'cause you, you gotta... What's that one cousin you like a lot?"
Geez. [laughs] I mean, it's possible it was staged, [laughs] but you gotta have a girlfriend who's, you know, willing to just-
"I'm here to help you, babe, no matter what."
"We need the money."
"I'll, I'll go, I will go with Cousin Trevor."
"I went to the grocery store." [laughs]
[laughs]
"We, we, we've gotta do it."
"I'll, uh, hold hands with him even. I don't know what is... We'll, we'll... I'll do it right in front of the $900 litter box."
[laughs]
[upbeat music] The Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com.
[upbeat music]