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Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center’s podcast dedicated to empowering parents and their kids as they navigate mental health challenges. Through insightful discussions, expert advice, and engaging storytelling, we provide the tools and support needed to foster resilience, self-discovery, and emotional well-being.
Each episode features two segments:
🦸♂️ For Parents – Practical strategies, expert insights, and real conversations to help caregivers support their child’s mental and emotional growth.
🌟 For Kids – Interactive storytelling and discussions centered around unlocking their inner hero, overcoming obstacles, and building confidence.
Together, we break stigmas, encourage open dialogue, and equip families with the knowledge to thrive. Because every hero’s journey starts with a conversation.
#CapesAndConversations #UnlockTheHeroWithin #MentalHealthMatters #ParentingSupport #BuildingFutures
00:00:00
Welcome to Capes and Conversations, the Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center podcast. I'm Adam Kotowski, clinical director. And I'm Megan Rose McMullen, MS. This podcast is a conversation about mental health and wellness. So last week we talked about effective communication. And this week we're going to talk about we make the best choice possible at the time that we make choices. And the one person that comes to my mind is Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games. And I know that you haven't seen much of it. But basically, she makes this choice, a very normal choice to be tribute for her kid sister.
00:00:36
And when she's in The Hunger Games, and we've talked about the one choice, which I think is a good choice, right? And then so she goes to The Hunger Games in that she has to do like strategy and she has to make plays and she's kind of just winging it. And, you know, I'm sure there are times when she looks back from her future self and is like, man, that was amazing. That was a bad choice. Sure. Or if it wasn't the right choice.
00:01:35
Our mindset, our conditioning, the way we were raised, cultured, what have you, is always going to say, well, I could have done this. Or I should have. Should have, could have, would have. And the problem with that is that we will never be enough if we look at that way of thinking. You made a decision. It was the best choice available to you at that time. Can we learn from it? Can we make better decisions? decisions going forward? Sure. But that's what growth is. You learn, you advance, and you move.
00:02:07
forward. Making the decision, choosing to take action is the key because you're going to make a decision. Whether it's the best decision that you could have made, we don't know, but it's the best decision you could have made at that time because you made a choice. There's a video game called The Last of Us and it's a zombie. I've heard about that. A zombie kind of apocalypse. Yeah. And Joel is the main character and he is making decisions left and right. And a lot of.
00:02:09
Because your past doesn't exist. Then I'll challenge them a little bit more. I'll say, hey, show me your future. That hasn't happened yet. They realize that. Well, what I'm getting at and through this process is your past and your future are not tangible. Your past doesn't exist anymore. Well, thanks to smartphones, you can find a lot of your past because people are recording. But at the same time, the only place for your past to exist is up here in your memory banks. So since that's the case, you trying to worry about what's happened in a past that doesn't exist, it's an illusion anymore, and you getting anticipatory anxiety about a future that hasn't.
00:02:40
times I think he's really upset by the decisions he makes because he has flashbacks to these times that he made decisions and they turned out negative, really bad. And bad for the people that he cared about or whatever. And then at some point he gets so scared that he stops making decisions. like stays and does nothing and doesn't really whatever he just tries to like put his head down he's kind of miserable done yeah done and why do you think he does does that why do you think he.
00:02:43
even happened yet, both are a waste of time. The only thing that matters is the present moment. Your present is what drives the future. Therefore, what you can do is learn from it, though. So realizing that you are in the present moment, your past doesn't exist. It doesn't exist anymore, but you're present. still hasn't happened. You are given such an awesome responsibility to realize that you indeed did make the best choice available to you at that time. Now, reviewing things, learning from things. Could we have made better choices? Probably. And that's the idea of learning.
00:03:11
gets to that point because he feels that he's bad at making decisions that he caused a lot of pain he harmed a lot of people um he just feels like um everything he does is wrong okay and so he just decides to not make choices yeah and what happens when you get to that point where you get this belief and idea well everything i do is the wrong thing and i'm just not going to make any choices what happens when you get to that point yeah i mean i don't know i think in joel's case he actually.
00:03:19
But beating yourself up about the fact that you made a decision that you chose. Okay. It was the best choice available at that time. That's what you chose. That's the direction. Great. Now let's learn from it. Let's move forward. Yeah. I think the key thing that you said there was like beating yourself up. Like I really liked that like cliche that's out there. That's like, and cliches are cliches because they actually work. For that reason. For that reason. But you can't beat yourself into somebody you love. Like you can't be, give yourself like hate and shame and yell.
00:03:42
is like forced to make decisions because it's a life or death kind of thing right but i think in life i think that you kind of life kind of pushes you to out of your side of your comfort zone oh it will, rewinding though looking at that situation that's when we get to that hopeless helpless state where, like, oh, I'm not good enough. I can't make any decisions right. And what good am I, right? Listen, everyone is going to be doomed to make decisions. We're always going to be put in a place where we have to make choices. That's it. And whether we like it or not, we have to choose.
00:03:49
and like do these things into somebody you love because it's not very loving. There is a difference though, like then holding yourself, like a holding a line and like a value and course correcting. As opposed to. um, shaming yourself into trying to do better. Correct. There is the accountability factor, which we'll talk about throughout the podcast is yes, you and others are allowed to hold you accountable for decisions. Oh, great. But at the same time, the accountability is a redirection say, okay, this is how you're going to move forward going forward. This is how you're going.
00:04:17
You're going to make the best choice available to you at that time, given the data, given the information, or if it's split decision thinking, you're going to have to make a decision. That's it. When you realize that you make the best decision at that time, and what I usually do in this instance is whenever I give kind of lectures or speeches or whatever you want to call them, I always have a kid or a participant from the crowd come up and I say, hey, point to your past. And they stand up and they kind of look at you, you know, cross-eyed, what do you mean?
00:04:20
to change course. Um, my greatest teachers, professors in my life because of my ADHD and dyslexia were told people who were like a sports mentality coach, right? I needed direct, honest, and I didn't even mind a raised voice or even a yelling at times because it got my attention. It got me focused. However, people who are not student athletes, people that don't take the route of sports, you don't want to give that approach to what works for you is what works for you. But you have to realize that getting you on task, holding you accountable is a good thing.
00:04:49
I'm like, show me your past. I want to see it. Well, it's behind me. Perfect. I have the kid turn around, show them your past, show the crowd. Chuckles, everybody's looking at your backside, but the bottom line is you're going to make the best decision at that time. Bottom line is, guess what? You can't find it. It's not tangible. It doesn't exist. Then I'll do, hey, show me your future. Well, then that's an easier one, but they know it hasn't happened yet. Exactly. What we do in society and what we do in our conditioning is very simple. We live out an illusion past, or we get hyper about a future that hasn't happened yet.
00:04:52
And it's okay to hold people on task. Um, to your point and rewinding, a little bit learned. It goes back to another podcast we already did. You produce results. You don't fail. There's only feedback. There's no failure. You did make the best choice available to you at that time. It is often funny or interesting, we'll say, when people are playing in sports games and they say they win the game. Oh, but if I would have done this. Oh, but if I would have done that, you won the game. It's done, right? And it's the same thing if you lost the game. Yes, if you would have, but you can't.
00:05:22
So guess what? The only thing we're given is a present moment. You made the decision. Here you are. Learn from it. Grow from it. But that's it. Everything else you let go, it has nothing. No effect or impact or should not have on you because there's nothing you can do about it. And so how do you let go of it? Well, there's no one way to let go, but I can tell you in years of me being here, learning, working, transforming my own life, be in the present moment. Choose the present moment.
00:05:28
So you focusing on that? Absolute waste of time. Learn from it. Know that tomorrow if the same exact play happens, this is what I'm going to do instead. I think that with that, there's a difference. So like if you're on a team and you're thinking shoulda, woulda, coulda over and you're kind of ruminating, right? This play over and over and over again. Man, that was just like wrong and bad and I should have took the shot and stuff like that. You're not actually learning. You're just beating yourself up.
00:05:52
When you do that, there's gifts I can't explain. There's wisdom I can't explain that are there. And it happens solely when you're in the present. moment. So the only thing I can suggest to you is however you get there, you get there. I always call it LME, legally, morally, and ethically. Get to the present moment. When you get to the present moment, guidance, wisdom comes in a way you never expected it. Then you get over an illusion past that doesn't exist and should not exist anymore because it's only in your memory.
00:06:23
banks, which banks, which you have stored in your brain, excuse me. And you can't get it, you know, anticipation, anticipatory anxiety about a future that hasn't even happened. Because guess what? The future is created in the present moment. What you do right now creates a future. Yeah. Everything. And if you're not in the present moment, because you're distracted by the past or the present or the future, I mean, you're going to end up repeating mistakes and cycles, cycles, patterns, behaviors, whatever it might be. And I think it's really important.
00:06:54
because, um, if we don't like learn, from our mistakes. Um, then we kind of get stuck. Well, we will. And, you know, I challenge people when they say mistakes, because I really think we go back to the original podcast we had on this too, is there's no failure. There's just feedback. And when you hold yourself to that standard, you can hold other people to that standard. You're going to get feedback and it's going to change you. It's going to make you because it redirects you on a journey and a path that you're on. Right. So just get the feedback.
00:11:29
That will burn you out before you even get there. You just take the step one mile at a time. Right. And I think that that's really important. Absolutely. Little steps. And we can help break down those steps, give you tools to, like, kind of see where those things. But I think one of the hardest part is when we are constantly blaming ourselves and we're feeling the guilt or the shame or the remorse or feeling really bad about ourselves because we think that we're just, like, a bad kid. Right.
00:16:39
your chores or no you're not going to do your homework or no i'm going to do it my way with no cause right you're being a rebel but right you're being you know feeding that dark wolf right you can be a rebel but you have to be a rebel with a cause and that's also a choice that's a decision, um and when you have a car, you're creative, you're not defiant. That's the difference with the rebel. The rebel with a cause is creative. Rebel without a cause is defiant. Yeah. And I think a lot of times too, if you're.
00:17:42
in survival mode. That's on us to understand that. Now, does it justify it? No, I don't say that, but what it does is it gives you the compassion and the understanding to realize why it happened. Yeah. I also think too, it gives you, that like tells you exactly. where you are where you can start off with because if you know where you are you can know where you're going correct but if you don't know where you are because you're yeah if you're unwilling to know where you are what you've done wrong hear the feedback um get the stuff from the people that.
00:18:15
around you that you trust you're never going to be able to go you can't start running before you start walking no you can't do anything until you start walking and that's what you're right around a year old when you finally stand up first you stand up then it's like hey i can stand and take a step look and then you actually walk a lot then you run and just it moves to complete movement you know and what's really exciting about that analogy is that babies get more confident right so when they stand up they get excited and then that gives them the trust in themselves to like start taking some steps or we build that muscle and i think that we as we start to make better.
00:18:48
decisions and we start to show up for ourselves and our community and our families we start to get more confident and when we get more confident we get more self-esteem and we start to accept ourselves and start to trust ourselves and we start to trust ourselves and we start to trust, ourselves and then we move into, wait a second, I can do anything. I can do anything. Anything I put my mind to, I can do it because I've already shown that I can do all these things. Yep, absolutely. So you make those choices, you learn from them, you grow, and then you learn. You learn, you grow, you advance. Yeah, and you make the best choice that you can.
00:19:20
in that moment. You can. And there will be, you know, when we get to critical decisions in our life, there will be a lot of emotional reaction. There will be a lot of things that calculate. You're going to have to make a quick decision. And that's it, you know. And so you can, in hindsight, looking back at it, you can say, I should have, could have, would have. Bottom line is you made the best choice at the time. And go back to Joel when he wasn't making decisions. He wasn't really living. Yep. He was miserable. He hated everything. All through the motions.
00:19:50
And he wasn't. But as soon as he started making decisions and learning and growing, things started to work out better. Yeah. And so that's what we do here. Right. And our job is to... Have you look at it from different frames of references so that you can realize, hey, I did make the best choice available to me at that time. I've learned from it. I'll grow. Going forward as I put my focus on the present to the future, here's how I can handle it going forward. And that's all you can do. That's what you can do. And so until next time. Until next time. Thank you for listening to Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center podcast, Capes and Conversation.
00:20:23
If you or someone you know is challenged, struggling, or needs someone to talk to, you matter, you are important, and please reach out to us via our website or social media, which can be found in our show notes. And if you have a topic of conversation about a favorite character's heroic journey, please let us know, as we would love to talk about it on our show. Until next time, unlock the hero within. Your adventure awaits with us.