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Kamini Wood works with high achievers on letting go of stress, overwhelm and anxiety that comes with trying to do everything, and trying to do it all perfectly
Kamini Wood: Hi there, and welcome back to another at this. Sort of Rise Up Live Joy Your Way, whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening. Thank you for taking some time to hang out here with me today. And today I wanna talk about something that so many young adults quietly are dealing with and wrestling with.
Um, but not a lot of people will actually name it. It's that in-between season where you are looking around and thinking, is this, it should, I feel more fulfilled by now? And it's been coined the quarter life crisis. If you found [00:01:00] yourself doubting your path or second guessing your choices or comparing yourself to everyone who seems to maybe be farther ahead than you potentially even thinking yourself, oh my gosh, I looked on LinkedIn and they're doing all these things, you're gonna wanna maybe, um, just pay attention to this episode, uh, because what we're talking about today is, um.
Really where we are in that space. You know, we're it, we we're not really in crisis. Uh, and I don't wanna call it a crisis, it's more of a, a recalibration. It's not about being lost, it's about giving yourself a chance to realign. So, um, if your mind or soul is starting to ask that question of like, what matters to me now, I wanna really talk about that.
I wanna break down what a quarter life crisis really is. It might be happening beneath it, and how maybe you could navigate through it with a little more compassion and maybe a little bit more clarity and courage. Um, so let's just start with, you know, a little bit of honesty. The term quarter life crisis gets tossed around like it's a joke.
Oh, you're [00:02:00] 25 and you're having this. Existential crisis or meltdown, but behind the humor, there's something really happening for you, right? It's that point in your twenties or thirties when the excitement of early adulthood fades and the reality kind of settles in. Maybe you've graduated or you've gone out on your own, you've landed a job.
Maybe you've started a relationship and you, you, you feel like you're supposed to feel grown up, but instead, you kind of feel a little bit restless. You might catch yourself scrolling on social media, like I mentioned, LinkedIn, perhaps comparing yourself to other people who seem to be crushing it.
Quietly saying yourself, I should be further along. You might question your career choices, your identity, the path that you ended up on. And I really just wanna say first of all, that this isn't failure. It's not weakness, it's part of. Natural development. We go through life stages where our identity naturally reorganizes, and the quarter life is a phase in one of them.
It's your inner compass reorienting toward where you really wanna end up. So why does this feel so uncomfortable? Or D uh, you know. Icky if it's [00:03:00] normal, because it's the first time that you're the one in charge of actually defining what it is you wanna do and also defining your own meaning. For years, life was mapped out, you know, school activities, maybe even college.
For some people you were told what success looked like. There were milestones and markers that kind of gave you feedback. But in adulthood, you know, that is removed. Suddenly there's no syllabus, there's no teacher to grade you. There's, you know, just you staring at this whole. Blankness, right? And you get to create what it is that you wanna make of it, and that uncertainty can trigger.
A sense of anxiety, not because, again, not because you're broken or weak, it's because your brain is wired for predictability. And so when we don't have that script, our nervous system interprets that as danger and it creates anxiety. This discomfort though, is a sign. It's not a sign that you've lost your way.
It's a sign that you're actually engaged and you are. Wanting to forge your own way forward. One of the biggest culprits behind the quarter life [00:04:00] confusion is the myth that there is a perfect timeline, right? Like so for example, maybe the timeline is you graduate by 22, you land your dream job, you get married by 28, you have your house and kids started by, you know, 30, and then you achieve financial security between 35 and 40.
This timeline is kind of made up though. It's a script that's handed, it's not an actual. Contract that you've made. Um, but it's so ingrained that when life doesn't match it, we assume that there's something wrong with us. And that's where self shame starts. But, so I asked the question like, what if? What if you're not behind?
What if that isn't the timeline for your story? What if there isn't a universal timeline for becoming who you are? You know, some people find their purpose really early, and other people build it slowly by starting things and then changing their mind and pivoting. The real measure isn't how fast you get somewhere.
It's about how connected you feel when you're doing the thing or you're being that person. So I wanna talk about comparison. [00:05:00] Because I think a lot of us feel that, you know, we can compare ourselves and it can really cause some paralysis. You know, social media gives us that constant access to other people's highlight reels, and we see their career wins and their engagements and travel and their apartments and all the things, and we measure ourself against those things.
But comparison also. Robs us of context. We see the outcome, not the whole process that somebody went through. So when you're only looking at somebody's after and not the during, it's not really a fair comparison. Um, and what ends up happening is that comparison, you know, masks all that went into it. And when we envy something, um, you know, it, it can lead to, uh, what I was mentioning before, this paralysis.
And also just it can bring us down. So, you know, maybe seeing somebody start a business stirs. A desire for freedom and maybe seeing somebody in love reflects your longing for connection. So it's not about that envy being shameful, and it's not about that envy being bad, but maybe reframing that and using that [00:06:00] envy as information and data of what might be important to you.
It might be your inner voice saying, Hey, you know what? That matters to me and maybe that's something that I wanna work towards myself. The quarter life stage often involves. You know, this shifting of identity, you begin to shed old roles that no longer fit you, right? So you know, the student role, for instance, or maybe the high achiever or the people, 'cause maybe those roles are not really serving you anymore, and you're starting to question.
Maybe some values and things that you were brought up with that you're starting to figure out, well, is that really me or is that an old story? Because when we let go of the old story, you know what, there's, there's that void that happens. We're letting go of this old story, and before we fully have adapted to the new story, there's this in-between stage.
And that in-between stage is actually while uncomfortable as it is. It's actually. Pretty sacred stage because that's where your growth happens. You know, it, it kind of looks a little messy. May not even look linear, but you may feel excited [00:07:00] and terrified at the same time. But it's important to remember that that space is actually your growth space.
Um. You know, and it's not a bad thing. I wanna also bring in a little bit of psychology, right? So change, even positive change does activate our nervous system. When we are letting go of old rules or old identities, our brain senses that as uncertainty and that. Signals danger. And that's why you might feel a little anxious and restless or even numb during this phase because your system is adjusting to the noom, right?
That's where grounding practices matter, whether it be breath work or journaling. Um, mindfulness practices are very important 'cause you're teaching your body, you're teaching your nervous system that you're not in danger. Um, that it's okay. This is just expansion. Honestly, growth doesn't always feel good.
You know, sometimes it actually is uncomfortable and, um, it can feel very awkward. Uh, now if the old metrics no longer fit, though it is time to redefine success on [00:08:00] your terms. So asking yourself, what does a fulfilling life actually look like to me? Um, or even questions like, what are the experiences? Um, intentionally using the word experiences here, not achievements.
What make me feel alive, what am I willing to trade? Um, external validation for internal connection. Success might shift from climbing to cultivating, from chasing titles, to nurturing a purpose from proving yourself to actually trusting yourself. And when you anchor success and meaning and not milestones, life feels less like a race and more like.
An actual, uh, connection and rhythm. Now, it's important to recognize too, that your values are gonna be your own internal GPS system. So when you're clear on what matters to you, you're clear on your values and you make choices aligned with that, that's gonna feel really good. You know, when you're not, um, chasing approval or fearing rejection or saying yes.
When you really mean no, but you're making choices connected to your, to your values, uh, that's when you're gonna feel that sense of, [00:09:00] uh, freedom and you're gonna create your own sense of safety and security within yourself. So when defi decisions feel overwhelming, really ask yourself, which. Which choice here would honor my value system?
That question kind of cuts through the confusion and allows you to get to what really is meaningful to you and values do bring you back home to your own self. One of the most painful illusions of this quarter lifetime is that everyone else has it figured out. Everyone else has their stuff together, but no one, no one really does.
I mean, we're all evolving and growing even when people look certain that they figured it all out. Um. You know, it, it just, some people might look more comfortable or they might just be more comfortable in the process. Perfectionism thrives in the quarter light season because you're afraid of wasting time or making the wrong choice.
But mistakes are part of this, this growth pattern, like we're gonna have to make some mistakes so we can figure out what matters and what doesn't matter. So giving yourself permission to experiment, to change your mind, and to pivot [00:10:00] and to do something different. And remembering that life isn't just this straight line, it's a series of.
You know, ebbs and flows. We, we don't necessarily go on this straight line. So instead of asking what's my purpose, maybe just simply shifting it into what, what feels most meaningful to me right now? 'cause purpose isn't something you find once, it's something you build through curiosity and kind of throughout your life, you're gonna notice that it might.
Shift. So follow what lights you up, follow what really energizes you, and curiosity does lead to clarity and action leads to living your life. In that, that sense of alignment, you don't really need this whole blueprint or whole map, you just need to trust yourself and to ask those really important, curious questions of yourself.
No one is meant to navigate any of this alone, by the way, so you know. Lean on your support system. Seek out mentors, uh, you know, coaches, we do that for a living. Your parents, they're, you know, talk, communicate, ask for support instead of saying, you know, [00:11:00] parents especially, instead of saying you'll figure it out, you know, really support your young adult and just ask, you know, what feels true for you right now?
Validation and curiosity do create safety, and so that's where confidence is gonna grow. Every quote unquote crisis challenge, it gives us a chance to look at things and to figure out what the catalyst is for us to grow and our quarter life crises. Um, they're not about failure. They're just another opportunity to grow and let things evolve.
It's your life inviting you to move from. Just doing for the sake of doing into choosing what it is that you wanna do. It is that recalibration. It is you continuing to grow, have your experiences, and then use those as ways or stepping stones. And one day you're gonna look back and you're gonna realize that this time is exactly what you needed.
So maybe just taking a few moments to journal on a couple questions. You know, what am I currently questioning in my life and what might that be inviting me to [00:12:00] explore. What parts of me feel like they are outdated or they no longer serve me, or even like what values feel most true for me now at this stage in my life?
What is most meaningful to me now? Where might I be chasing external validation or approval instead of finding it within myself? What would it look like to treat this time as not a problem, but as an opportunity? And again, those questions are offered to you without this idea of you need fixing or that you're broken or, you know, they're, they're meant to offer curiosity.
If you're in the middle of what we would call a quarter life crisis, I really want you to hear this. You're not behind, you're not broken, you're not failing, you're not weak. You really are in a stage of allowing yourself to become right. You're growing and you're outgrowing maybe an older version of you, and you're growing into this new version of you, and that's amazing.
It's not something that you need to be scared of. It's rather something that maybe you can lean into because it's growth. [00:13:00] So if. You know, the next time that you're feeling lost, just remember that this is a moment of growth. It's a moment of curiosity. It's not a moment to be scared of. If you wanna talk about how coaching could support you, whether it's through this or something else at any time, feel free to reach out to me at coachwithkamini.com and until next time, stay well.