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Learning to Become Better at Life by Understanding the Reality of Classrooms, Crime Scenes & Courtrooms: Investigate Fully - Report Honestly
Kristin is a Social/Emotional Investigator, Former Teacher & Human Development Expert
Matt is a Trial Attorney, Former Prosecutor & Criminal Law Scholar
H.C. “Hil” is a Criminal Investigator, Veteran, Retired FBI Agent & Cactus Expert
NERVOUS SYSTEM WARNING - SOMETIMES WE USE RUDE WORDS! Topics include Drugs, Sex, Death & Violence and also Abuse, Neglect, Abandonment & Betrayal.
We use raw and vivid imagery and choose words that explore what is real.
So talking about these real world things and then providing real world tangible practical tools and resources. And rather than saying that Let's do it. Kristen. Yes?
Speaker 2:If you are talking with somebody who is, let's not focus on physical disability, but somebody who feels real distressed because of their mind especially and what's going on in their mind. What we're talking about so often are very capable, more typical, when we say healthy, just someone that you think is normal. Have you had any interactions with people like that?
Speaker 3:Oh, yes. Lots. Recently? Yes.
Speaker 2:Just to go very low level, small, Are there just some practical techniques and strategies to just begin to quiet the mind? And that's such a horrible phrase, but to make the mind, the body, just less stressful
Speaker 4:Yeah. Allow
Speaker 2:it. And less Yeah. Intensely experiencing strain and stress.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I really try to tell people the first thing is to just spend a little bit of time and notice how you're breathing.
Speaker 2:Is breathing important?
Speaker 3:We need oxygen. But if we can breathe fully and deeply using our complete system, our diaphragm, we can calm our nervous system to keep ourselves, access to our frontal lobe. So we really can feel the feelings that we're having and think through the feelings that we're having. So a lot of times when people, that's the one thing is if you're starting to feel overwhelmed or frustrated or you start feeling that anxiety, the freaking out that people talk about. It really is just stop, do less immediately and just breathe deep big breaths into your belly.
Speaker 3:If we breathe shallow, we're busy and we're constantly thinking and moving and we start to just really breathe with our upper lungs. And what we don't realize is it's not allowing our full spinal column, our nervous system to be at one. You have to really open up your body cavity with air and it helps you relax so you can think about your thoughts and think about your feelings. And when you don't think about your thoughts and think about your feelings, the senses that you're bringing in never stop. So you're still hearing things and you're still seeing things and you're still touching things and feeling things and it is constant.
Speaker 3:And if you don't think about them and process them, then they just turn into stagnant energy somewhere in our body stuck.
Speaker 2:Now you're not talking about breath work per se,
Speaker 3:I'm not are talking about breath work, no.
Speaker 2:You're talking There are
Speaker 3:all kinds of breath work strategies,
Speaker 2:You're just saying breathing.
Speaker 3:Yes. Make sure you're fully breathing. Big breaths in all the way deep into your belly. Fill your lungs deep into your belly. Keep breathing and all the way out.
Speaker 2:It's not that deep.
Speaker 3:Then all of that energy, you're bringing oxygen in while you can calmly think and then you've got to get all, it's taking that to every cell. So every cell can stay healthy and work and not And be then all of the out.
Speaker 2:I love that idea when you say, your body needs oxygen. The cells need oxygen. And so thinking in terms of nourishing the cells with oxygen, you have access to that immediately right So one thing we shouldn't have scarcity Need water. Hydration, right? Yes.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I talk about having a nourishing night's sleep.
Speaker 4:Oh, well, when Kristen was talking, I was just thinking of a change that I've made in my end of day kind of shutdown. I could watch something on TV that would really upset me. Or on my phone, in my hand, continue it on. Okay, I got to get up and work tomorrow. I got to get some sleep.
Speaker 4:And you go into bed and what do you do? You're still on it, the lights are out, you still got that illumination. And then you think you're going to have a restful night's sleep and be ready to work in the morning. Guess what? If you make a few changes and you start your shutdown earlier and you cut off all the stimulus and maybe sit with yourself and breathe and calm down, You don't need to take a drug to sleep.
Speaker 2:Right. Mm-mm. Now I understand why people do that and that even breathing and not having the stimulation, not have the distraction of the screen, is because those thoughts that I talked about, those complex emotions that are always on the surface even, not even in the background, so you have some running in the background, and then you have others in the surface. We constantly replace one complex emotion for another one, and you forget about some, but then bring another one to the surface, and they're varied, and that's effectively what people mean by PTSD and complex PTSD. It's not just one or a couple of things, but sometimes it's unlimited.
Speaker 2:Yeah. A potential carousel of experiences and worries and threats that are constantly on the surface of the brain, and the impact of those experiences is the same as a drug, the same as alcohol. Those complex emotions result in a, they can be neurological depressants that impact judgment, attention, awareness, and even coordination.
Speaker 4:Sure.
Speaker 2:So I get that those screens and the observing, especially reels and shorts and TikToks.
Speaker 4:You get me worked up just watching you
Speaker 2:explain That's right. It keeps you distracted so that those things at bay, and when you put that away, that's when those mind, the mind stress is so present, I get that.
Speaker 3:And that's when we start instantly breathing more shallow because it's I don't wanna think about those things. Oh, there's so many thoughts up there. I don't wanna think about that. But if you just breathe and think, okay, all that's happening anyway, so I'm gonna breathe, and you start to, yes, thoughts can be scary.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:But they're there rattling anyways. But
Speaker 2:they can be scary, and they are scary. They don't have to be.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Because the mantra I I give, and I I used time and I try to give my clients, and my children, and other other clients, is when you are feeling, when it grips your heart when those those those those thoughts and those emotions come in, is first remember that all emotions are thoughts. They just have a physiological response. When those come in, you can talk to yourself and say, I'm just thinking.
Speaker 4:Yeah, processing. This
Speaker 2:is a thought. I'm just thinking. I'm thinking a thought. That's what humans do. I'm a human.
Speaker 2:I'm a human having a thought. This is what it is to exist. This is what it is to be human, and this is what it is to think, and I'm a human thinking thoughts. And that puts into context that these stressful and thoughts and experiences aren't pathogens, aren't pathologies. It's not you being broken.
Speaker 2:It's you thinking and working and functioning exactly as a human is supposed to in order to deal with complex and stressful events. Because, unfortunately, life does appear to be burdensome. And there is suffering in life that's never going away. And we're built with the mind to have these complex thoughts and even have divided thoughts and be able to distract and think and put away and bring back at a later time in order to deal with what's in front of you. That's what we're meant to do, and so rather than thinking of that as a brokenness or it's wrong or it's bad, it's a feature, not a bug, You can tell yourself that those types of thoughts, and even those stressful, dissatisfied, disconnecting thoughts are having a purpose and serving a purpose, and you can start to reunify those thoughts rather than trying to flee from them and avoid them, because avoiding them only sometimes makes them stronger.
Speaker 2:And you know, this this this idea of breathing is is tied to being able to think. And then to just start to tell to see yourself not as a broken person because you're experiencing stress. What a hopeful thing it is to feel stress. Because that means you're feeling. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. It's when you feel numb and numb for a long time that that really starts showing disability and dysfunction. And so rather than you know, with life cast, we talk about combating abuse, stress right? Abuse, harm, stress, and threats. What we're talking about is the type of stress that becomes injurious because it never goes away.
Speaker 2:What we will be teaching is how to identify, maintain, and manage stress so that it doesn't become an injury. To identify, avoid, and neutralize threats so it doesn't become an injury. Minimize the effects of abuse so it doesn't become a long term or a chronic injury. Same with harm, that we can minimize the effects of it so it doesn't become long term. We do that through learning, because therapy is learning.
Speaker 2:Learning how to breathe is certainly one. Learning how to nourish the gut. Learning how to move safely and healthily, learning how to communicate and talk with the people that you care about and that care about you, and in some cases the people you don't care about and don't like, but that you're forced to interact with. There's learning about that. That's a form of therapy.
Speaker 2:Learning how to communicate to an intimate partner and to an intimate relationship what your needs are within that relationship. Both mind needs, physical needs, esteem needs, attention needs. This is all therapy, how to talk, how to breathe, how to eat, how to move. This is what it is to be human and this becomes a spiritual experience because it results in what your identity is and what you will allow your identity to be in the mind of another. Breathing is one.
Speaker 2:Just real quick, if you could talk about gut, and let's go with body and spine. Just a couple of the most basics of just advice for today to kind of end off, at least have some practical practical advice because this has been a little bit of a framing of a lot of things. When
Speaker 3:our gut matters because it's obviously where we intake nutrients, so our cells, it's how we feed our body. And the gut mind connection, that's your hormones, your chemical system. Gut is feeding your gut healthy fibers that feed your healthy bacteria and not the bad bacterias that cause some of the poisons that
Speaker 2:Inflammation.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that then keep harmful chemicals and hormones and everything that going on in our body. So the gut, the healthier your gut is then and which is feeding it with fiber, the healthier your mind will be. Your chemicals that are released, your happy hormones. And then the musculoskeletal system needs to be fed with protein and that, the musculoskeletal and our fascia is our system that then supports our nervous system.
Speaker 2:Like the tissue stuff.
Speaker 3:Yes. And our nerves are
Speaker 2:in
Speaker 3:We got our oxygen, we get all of our senses, actual to take in our experiences, which then those taking in of our senses then goes to our brain and creates this is an experience it creates an emotion based on all of the history that we've had with growing up. And that is thinking about an experience. How are you feeling? When you take in these senses. So your muscular system needs to be healthy because our nerves are entwined in that.
Speaker 3:And then our fascia are inside that's holding us up. And the gut and the so the fiber and the protein are what feed the gut and the musculoskeletal system to keep our hormones and all of the happy hormones, everything in balance.
Speaker 2:So oxygen, hydration, fiber, and protein.
Speaker 3:Yep. This gotta move the muscles
Speaker 2:and those Instead of skills movement, if you had to give just one form of treatment technique or therapy technique to help the spine, Is there anything you would give just basic just a quick basic suggestion?
Speaker 3:The most important thing, I think, for your spine since we are upright animals that walk upright with a spine, you know, a skeletal system that is keeps us upright and is fighting gravity every minute you even sit up straight. Gravity is working on us. So the most important thing is to lay down on your back every day. You can do it flat, just lay down on your back. A lot of times it's best to bend your knees, have your feet about hip distance apart close to your bum, not too close, but bend your knees, that's called constructive rest, so your spine can lay flat.
Speaker 3:And then just breathe deep so your cavity, every little muscle that holds that spine up all day long can now just work against gravity and reset itself. And if you're breathing deep, then all those little tiny muscles that hold up your spine can move in and out with that diaphragm movement and move back to where it should be naturally.
Speaker 2:And about how long should you be laying down?
Speaker 3:Five to ten minutes a night or day. Mean, yeah. This is Try to at least five minutes.
Speaker 2:And this is the minimum, is, again, not breath work. It's just making sure that you're aware of and focusing on on breathing a few times a day. Three times, four times, maybe not more than that, but be aware of if when you're stressed and when the thoughts come, is there shallow breathing? Then you check into that throughout the day.
Speaker 3:If you start laying on your back for five minutes a day and practice that slow breathing in, slow breathing out, four or five, some people eight seconds in, but it's, you breathe in and then breathe all the way out. A lot of times that breathing all the way out should be a little bit longer because you want to get all of the breath out too. If you spend time just doing that, and just notice what's going on in your head, that's all. Just breathe, notice. If your mind feels like it's going too crazy, then go back to thinking about feeling your breath.
Speaker 3:Think about, is my lung filling up at the top? Am I feeling the back of my back? Can I feel the air going into my belly? And concentrate on each breath. And if you go back to your mind and your mind is starting to spin you out of I don't want to think about those things, then go back to your body.
Speaker 3:Am I breathing? Can my spine feel it? Can my stomach feel it? You just start thinking about your body again and that will calm your mind. But that taking notice of your breath will then, throughout the day, if you start doing this every night, right?
Speaker 3:There'll be times where you're, you know, I'll be running around the grocery store or something and I realize, oh my gosh, I'm not really breathing. That's why I feel a little bit panicked. Okay, I'm just gonna take a few minutes to just breathe deep. Because your brain actually, if you're not getting enough oxygen, if you're not breathing deep, if you're shallow breathing, your nervous system way down at the tail end that you're not getting full, you're not relaxing all the way, your nervous system, your reptilian brain starts to think, maybe I should take over, maybe I should take over. I'll take over because I'll keep us alive no matter what you do, human.
Speaker 3:I'll keep us alive. But we're fully developed humans, we should be keeping ourselves alive because we developed and learned how to. So it's really just keeping balance of that reptilian brain of yours, can we help that thing so it doesn't have to revert to however it's meant to keep us alive, how it learned to keep us alive without us thinking about it. That's not fully living. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So you've got to breathe. Anyway, practicing that every night, just noticing how you're doing, how you're breathing. Does it hurt? You'll start noticing, wow, sometimes it hurts here, here when you're just laying down and breathing and those are times to notice, oh I need to be more gentle with that tomorrow, maybe I should do a little stretch here or it's really just starting to listen and think about your body. And then balance that busy mind with how's my body feeling?
Speaker 2:This is just a little bit of mechanics. And doing these things does help the mind, body, gut connection, which is the very beginning foundation to this idea of spiritual wellness, mental wellness, emotional wellness, relationship wellness. And the other one I'd suggest that I've that have become very useful is to read children's fiction. Now a lot of a lot of people aren't reading today. Very few people are reading.
Speaker 2:Reading's Becoming a Lost Art, it seems like. And that is impacting emotional wellness and physical wellness and cognitive activation. So I recommend some sort of kid's book. I don't care if it's a picture book. I don't care what level it is, but having a physical book is important.
Speaker 2:There's a reason why having the tactile, the heck, this is my favorite book in the world. The monster at the end of this book. Right? Your lovable friend Grover. Lovable friend Grover.
Speaker 2:Right? But the physical touching and moving the book, moving the pages, and scanning the eyes left and right and down has an impact on the activation of the brain. So just the physical act of reading a physical book is doing something spatially, and it's doing something with the brain. But then the act of actually reading these words the reason why I say Chillsham's fiction is we don't want it to necessarily be a challenge. It's real intense because there's intense reading out there.
Speaker 3:There's learning to do, of course.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of learnings in books, but here's a book I read when I was in sixth grade, and I've read a number of times. Helter Skelter, The True Story of the Manson Murder.
Speaker 3:Oh, great book.
Speaker 2:Vincent Bugliosi.
Speaker 3:I just read
Speaker 2:it. A great prosecutor with Curt Gentry. Now, this is an intense book. It's intense, and it talks about death, murder, kill, and a trial, and all types of things. What a cool and interesting book.
Speaker 2:That's not what I'm talking about. We want it to be intensity reducing, and that's why children's fiction does that, and children's fiction does that also because, first of all, it activates the language center of the brain.
Speaker 3:And the imagination center.
Speaker 2:Imagination center of the brain. That's why go ahead.
Speaker 3:Well, in fiction, it'll get you out of your imagination side of the brain, which is what we tend to be stuck in if we are worried about things, have anxiety, all of that, or, you know, PTSD, all of that. We're too much in the what happened, what if, all of the imagination. But if you can pick up a book and get into an imaginative reading where you get to use that right side of your brain that is thinking about the characters. If it's fantasy or any type of something that you have to imagine, but you're also reading and putting together with language that story with words right to left. So your whole brain is activated and learning and connecting even though you don't think about it.
Speaker 3:You're connecting emotion with language. So then when you can think about your, when you're out of the book and you're thinking about your imagination, ah, you are practiced putting language to it. Yeah. Which can then calm the right side of the brain again.
Speaker 2:And this is an exercise. This is a this is a form of therapy. So those are the beginnings. Those that is a maybe a preschool level beginning to trauma response to responding to trauma, and even the very beginnings of healing PTSD and CPTSD. We're all traumatized.
Speaker 2:We've all been fractured by our developmental experiences and the experiences that we've had that has resulted in real complex emotions as a result of complex experiences, and we're forced to deal with complex tasks day to day. As humans, we are complex and subtle beings dealing with complex and subtle problems, but too often, we're forced to do that in environments and among people that refuse to allow either complexity or subtlety. And that is traumatizing, but it doesn't have to be. This isn't a rejection of religion per se. It's an attempt to embrace and empower the best versions of religion and spirituality.
Speaker 2:It's not just a criticism and a critique of politics, although it is. A whole pox on both houses, let me be clear. But it is also a call to have those people that are of people of influence and power to stop being hypocrites and to stop weaponizing children and families for your power, and to hopefully help provide resources to families and children so that they can have a more pure and authentic voice in a way to advance, articulate, and and apply their identity and place in the world, and that will help them find another that they can connect with. Mhmm. Okay.
Speaker 2:That's it. Happy Sabbath.
Speaker 3:Happy Sabbath.
Speaker 4:Yes. Indeed. More so. You.
Speaker 3:In the name of Jesus Christ, amen. Amen.