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When the "Cornell 7" case made national headlines this fall, many parents found themselves asking a question they never expected to face: what actually happens when something goes wrong on campus? We spend so much time preparing our kids to get into college and succeed once they get there, but how often do we prepare them for what happens next if a report is made, by them or about them?
In this episode of The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide, host Candace Dellacona is joined by her colleague Kimberly Lau, who represents both complainants and respondents in Title IX matters such as the case capturing the latest headlines. Together, they break down what Title IX is, who it protects, what happens when a college receives a report, and what students and parents should know before their child ever needs it.
Kimberly explains why Title IX reaches far beyond athletics, what it generally means when a student is contacted by the campus Title IX office, and what a family should do first, whether their child is reporting something that happened to them, is the subject of a complaint, or simply got caught up in a situation they never expected. She also walks through how privacy rules affect what a school can share with parents, who can sit in on meetings, how investigations, hearings, and decisions typically unfold, and why preserving evidence and knowing your school's policies early can make all the difference.
Whatever the outcome of the case making headlines, it has put a spotlight on how campus processes work, and on how much families often don't know until they're in the middle of one. If you are sending a freshman off to campus, welcoming a student home for the holidays, or simply want to be the kind of parent your child feels safe calling when things go wrong, this conversation offers clear, practical guidance you can use now. As Candace puts it, calling home right away is not a sign that your child has failed at being an adult. It is knowing where to turn.
This episode is for general informational purposes only and is not legal advice. Every situation is different, so please consult an attorney about your specific circumstances.
Learn more about Kimberly Lau and her practice at Offit Kurman: https://www.offitkurman.com/kimberly-lau
Connect with Kimberly on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimberlylauesq/
- (00:00) - Title IX For Parents
- (00:26) - Meet The Expert
- (01:52) - What Title IX Covers
- (03:52) - Email From Title IX
- (06:41) - First Steps If Accused
- (07:40) - If Your Child Reports
- (09:39) - Police And Campus Safety
- (11:55) - When To Hire Counsel
- (13:07) - FERPA And Parent Access
- (15:23) - Investigation Timeline
- (18:18) - Hearings And Decisions
- (20:59) - Know Your School Policy
- (23:38) - Evidence And Alcohol Risks
- (26:23) - Wrap Up And Subscribe
Follow and subscribe to The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide wherever you listen to podcasts. New conversations are released on the first and third Tuesdays of every month. If this episode resonates with you, leave a five-star rating or review and share it with another sandwich generation caregiver!
Creators and Guests
What is The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide?
Welcome to The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide, where we explore the challenges and strategies of navigating life caught between work demands and supporting our loved ones while maintaining our own well-being. Join us in this dynamic podcast series as we uncover the complexities individuals face balancing multiple roles in the modern world. Our host, Candace Dellacona, shares personal experiences and professional insights to guide listeners through this complex journey.
v2. TSGSG - EP Kim Lau
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Title IX For Parents
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Candace Dellacona: Hey, survivors. This episode is for parents of college kids, and we are not talking about SAT scores or joining the right clubs once they get on campus. We are talking about Title IX, what it is, and what every parent of a college kid needs to know before their child steps foot on a college campus. Let's go
Welcome to the Sandwich Generation Survival Guide.
Meet The Expert
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Candace Dellacona: I am your host, Candace Dellacona, and we have a very special episode for parents of college kiddos So we spend so much time preparing our kids how to get into college, how to succeed once they get there, but we don't always prepare them for what happens when something goes wrong on campus, whether they are the person reporting something that's gone wrong, or the person who could be accused of something, or someone who just simply got caught up in a situation that they never expected.
To talk about these issues, I have invited my colleague, Kimberly Lau, who is a lawyer here with me, who handles these matters, which we refer to as Title IX, to break down what Title IX actually is, who it protects, what happens when a college gets a report, and perhaps most importantly, what our kids should know if they ever find themselves in the middle of a situation like this.
Because our kids are away at college, but they're still our kids, and sometimes the best thing that we can do is to make sure that we know what we need to understand about Title IX before they have to deal with it. So without further ado, Kimberly, please fill us in. Tell us a little bit about your practice, and we'll get into the nuts and the bolts of Title IX.
Kimberly Lau: Thank you, Candace. It's nice to, to be with you on this podcast.
What Title IX Covers
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Kimberly Lau: I would like to start with maybe just a little bit about Title IX and what that is.
Candace Dellacona: Yeah, let's jump in.
Kimberly Lau: Title IX is a federal statute. It's actually Title IX, the Education Amendments of 1972. And originally, it was enacted to really help level the playing field for athletics on campuses, um, education campuses for females.
The statute itself is only 37 words long, um, and really gets to the heart of eradicating discrimination on the basis of gender or sex on any education institution. And so what does that mean?
Candace Dellacona: Yeah. What does that mean?
Kimberly Lau: So what that means is it can apply to any educational institution that receives federal funding.
Candace Dellacona: Okay.
Kimberly Lau: Okay. So it first needs to qualify in that respect, and that can be a K through 12 institution, school districts, colleges, law schools, and beyond. And, um, that can also apply to any aspect of education.
Candace Dellacona: Okay.
Kimberly Lau: So not everyone realizes that it's not just about, uh, sports or athletics on campus. It can involve making sure there's no discrimination in, um, boarding or room assignments, making sure there's no discrimination with respect to courses and class assignments.
Um, but also everything to eradicating sexual harassment and sexual assault on campuses, which is what it's probably more commonly known for these days
Candace Dellacona: And that's really, you know, why I thought we've had so many conversations around the office, Kimberly, about your expertise and all of the really interesting and difficult cases that you've handled.
But, you know, as a parent to three college students now, obviously it sort of seeped into my world. And as a practitioner, I wanted to understand it better. As a parent, I wanted to understand it better and know that there are parents that don't know much about this at all.
Email From Title IX
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Candace Dellacona: So, you know, why don't we just kind of jump into the sort of most common scenarios on a college campus as it relates to a misconduct issue?
So if my college freshman comes home and says, "Hey, Mom, I was contacted by the Title IX office," you know, what does that mean?
Kimberly Lau: Generally, if you're contacted by the Title IX office proactively, that means you're likely the subject of a Title IX investigation or charge. And so to break that down, schools are required by federal law, in exchange for federal funding, to investigate sexual harassment matters on campus if they are made aware of it, if there is a filing of a complaint about it on their campus.
And so what that likely would mean in your scenario is this person is now the subject of a sexual harassment or sexual assault complaint, and they are going to be required to participate in an investigation.
Candace Dellacona: So, you know, breaking it down, an email from an office like this is a serious, serious situation.
It can involve, as you point out, assault, having to do with, I assume, alcohol and perhaps, you know, a party that may have, you know, taken place on or off campus. Is that right, Kimberly? Or is it specific to something that has happened or transpired on campus?
Kimberly Lau: Well, let's break that down. So absolutely all those matters involving Title IX are serious and, and they should be treated seriously by the student as a school should.
But it may not necessarily involve alcohol, and it may not necessarily involve some of the most extreme conduct that we might think of when we think of sexual assault. The standard that's required to be met in order for a Title IX matter to be handled and investigated on campus is whether the conduct at issue is so severe, pervasive, and objectively offensive.
And, um, some conduct, uh, not all conduct might fit into that. But, um, certainly if you're getting this notice, then that cer- that analysis has already been made by the Title IX coordinator. Um, and certainly you do need to... It, rather it does address conduct that happens on campus or within the campus's control.
Candace Dellacona: Okay, so the, it's presumed that it's within the campus or the school's control. Someone reaches out, and so that, there's presumption that there has been somewhat of an initial investigation in order to actually identify perhaps a perpetrator or the person that was the cause of whatever the conduct is.
First Steps If Accused
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Candace Dellacona: So when it comes to being the target of an investigation, what is the first thing that a student should do if they receive an email recognizing that they could be the target of an investigation like this?
Kimberly Lau: That's a great question. Well, the first thing they should do is probably let their mom and dad in on this, because getting your parents involved early is gonna help make important decisions for you as to how you handle it Whether you get counsel involved so that you can understand your rights.
But at a minimum, getting your parents involved is a, the first step, and I know that it's probably nerve-wracking for students to think, "Oh, gosh, I don't wanna, I don't wanna tell my mom and dad. I, I don't wanna get in trouble." Um, but believe me, that is the first mistake to think that as a student you're going to handle this, of this magnitude, on your own.
If Your Child Reports
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Candace Dellacona: Before we go further into the sort of context of an investigation as perhaps the perpetrator, let's talk about things that may transpire on a college campus that, you know, would be there to protect you as someone who could be on a college campus and use Title IX to make sure that you're kept safe. So, you know, you- we've already talked about the example of sexual harassment and, and something like that.
So what, if you understand that your child has been the victim of something, how does a parent know when Title IX actually comes into the picture? And what should a parent or a student do if something happens to them?
Kimberly Lau: Well, if something of a sexual nature occurs to your child and you are made aware of it, um, you should absolutely first contact the Title IX office of that college campus, university, or school.
And the reason is because the Title IX coordinator, who's in charge of enforcing Title IX on these campuses, is gonna know how best to direct the next steps. They're gonna be able to analyze whether the conduct at issue rises to the standard- That would get their office involved, that would require an investigation.
Even if it falls short of the Title IX standard itself, schools often will still investigate these matters under their non-Title IX policy. Normally, they're called just the student code of conduct or the student handbook under their other relevant provisions. So you're not at a loss for, you know, having resources given to you or having your matter heard or investigated just because it doesn't meet that standard.
So that would be the first thing that I would recommend a parent and an, a student to do together.
Candace Dellacona: And so something has transpired. You notify the Title IX office.
Police And Campus Safety
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Candace Dellacona: Do they automatically notify the local police, or is that also up to you? Should those things be done in tandem? How does that work, Kimberly?
Kimberly Lau: That's a very good question. Uh, no, that is the complainant's right whether to seek or involve law enforcement, so there is not an automatic requirement. I will say, though, that sometimes, depending on how egregious the nature of the allegations are, could be argued that the greater community on campus would be at risk.
That's when there's a separate and different analysis involved. And certainly from the standpoint of the school, they may continue this investigation with or without you as the complaining party if they feel that the rest of their community is at risk.
Candace Dellacona: What's your best advice, though, as it relates to that?
Do you rely on the university to be the one to make that judgment, or is that something that really, uh, sort of outside law enforcement agency should maybe work in tandem?
Kimberly Lau: As someone who represents both complainants and respondents in these Title IX matters, I can tell you that when I represent my complainant clients- It's really depends on what their goals are, right?
What is their goal of reporting the conduct? It's not the same from one person to the next. And if they are looking to prevent this from happening to somebody else, that's when, you know, reporting it to the local authorities may even make sense, and certainly to your school. But as far as whether they, you know, honor what you want them to do, I mean, that's really within the complainant's rights to determine.
Candace Dellacona: When you have a complainant, which, you know, for our listeners, is the person who perhaps had something done to them, you know, obviously as parents we say, you know, "Make sure that you're safe," you know, "Get to the on-campus doctor or clinic, of course, and try to document what you have in terms of whether it's texts or any kind of communications."
When To Hire Counsel
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Candace Dellacona: When does it rise to the level, Kimberly, where a family should feel that they need someone like you to make sure, particularly if they're a victim, that their rights are preserved? Where do you come in?
Kimberly Lau: Honestly, at the very beginning is probably where I'm most effective. And the reason is because I can help students and the family supporting those students safeguard, you know, their rights, make sure that everything is transparent on campus and during the process, holding the school accountable to the rights that they represent or in their policies, and making sure that my client is comfortable every step of the way and we're meeting those, those goals.
Candace Dellacona: I mean, it's, it's really nice to have an advocate, particularly because something presumably traumatic has happened and, you know, you are on this campus community. I would think that in some ways the school is conflicted, right? Where they want a safe campus, but perhaps the perpetrator is also a student, and so there, there is some kind of overlapping interest in that way.
So can I give us the inside scoop?
FERPA And Parent Access
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Candace Dellacona: Is the school allowed to talk to the parent if the student is over the age of 18? What does privacy look like when it comes to things like that?
Kimberly Lau: Right. So this comes up, um, at the beginning of every case I'm involved in. There is a federal, another federal statute- Of
Candace Dellacona: course
Kimberly Lau: called FERPA.
Candace Dellacona: Yeah.
Kimberly Lau: And FERPA safeguards, uh, student privacy in their education records, and that would include, uh, records involving a Title IX case. So, and that works for whether you're a complaining party or a responding party. Records in that case is private. Uh, you can allow authorization for your parents to have permission to speak to the school about your matter, and the same goes for your attorney advocate, but you have to give that permission as the student.
Candace Dellacona: So as an 18-year-old college student, you have to say, "Okay, you can talk to the school, and you can talk to the school." I mean, there are many of us who have freshmen who are not yet 18-year-old adults, um, so what I would assume that parents then do have the right to sort of advocate on the student's behalf.
If that occurs or if the student who is 18 gives permission, can the parent attend all of the meetings related to the Title IX sort of process?
Kimberly Lau: So oftentimes, schools will limit the support person or advocate to one person. So you can choose as a student for that one person to be your parent or an attorney advisor.
There are some schools that allow both, so they will allow, you know, you an attorney advisor as sort of the main point person but maybe have an additional support person like a parent. And so what oftentimes I do is make sure to get that cleared up right from the jump when I'm engaged in a case so that my client feels 100% comfortable proceeding in every single meeting with the school.
Candace Dellacona: I mean, I think that's so important, too, because presumably even if you are the accused, it's a traumatic scenario.
Investigation Timeline
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Candace Dellacona: So can you walk us through what happens when a report is filed, right? So you said there's this initial report, and then a notice goes out presumably to the offending student. What happens after that, Kimberly?
And what's the timing? What are we, what are we looking at?
Kimberly Lau: Well, the guidelines, um, and now I'm talking about the, um, current Title IX regulations in place, are actually the 2020 regulations. So those guidelines are around 60 days. We require that these matters start to finish, um, completed within 60 days.
But oftentimes schools will need extra time, especially if they're conducting multiple interviews with witnesses and have to schedule that and, you know, of course, there's school schedules and final exams and, and things of that nature to consider. So it's unlikely that the matter will be resolved in 60 days.
I have to say in my, um, almost 15 years of experience in this field, that's rare, um, when it involves a Title IX matter of this nature. So I would say usually... And, and there are d- you know, it's, it's within the statutes, there is a right in, within the statute for the schools to be able to ask for more time or extend the deadline because of extenuating circumstances, and it's within their discretion to do that.
So that happens a lot.
Candace Dellacona: Okay. So the timeframe is the initial report, the student gets notice, and then there's this investigation that you alluded to. There are interviews. So are those interviews conducted by the school officials within the Title IX office?
Kimberly Lau: Traditionally, they were. I would say over the years, what I've noticed is a real move and trend to using outside investigators.
Um, and they could be a, like a law firm that's dedicated to a certain institution that handles, you know, investigations for them. And, uh, sometimes it will look like these, uh, other kinds of outfits that are, are dedicated investigatory, uh, organizations. But I'm seeing a real trend toward using outside investigators, and the same can be said about hearing officers.
I'm s- I'm seeing more of a trend for schools to utilize hearing officers that are an outside external hearing officer.
Candace Dellacona: So whether it's the Title IX folks within the school or if it's an outside group of individuals, the investigation occurs. There are interviews. I assume there's a collection of evidence, which is why it's really important not to delete those texts and maintain, you know, as we know, lawyers, maintaining all communication.
Hearings And Decisions
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Candace Dellacona: And then there's a hearing, Kimberly?
Kimberly Lau: Yes. So in higher education, so college, university level and above, a live hearing with cross, the right to cross-examination is required under the 2020 Title IX regulations. For schools in the K through 12 realm, that is not required, and schools, they are... They may hold them, but they don't always hold live hearings.
So, uh, yes, there, there would be, once an investigation is completed and interviews have concluded, a report, a draft report would be issued to both sides that would provide a summary of the interviews and collected evidence. Then the parties have 10 days-
Candace Dellacona: Okay ...
Kimberly Lau: to respond, and that could be edits, that could be new, you know, uh, responsive evidence or rebuttal evidence, rebuttal witnesses.
Then a final investigation report would issue following that.
Candace Dellacona: Okay. So everybody can kind of speak their piece, make sure it's accurately reflective of what they understand the situation to be, and then you move on to the, to the next step.
Kimberly Lau: That's right. And so before a hearing, you would have a final report that presumably incorporates or at least acknowledges the responses from each side.
Candace Dellacona: And then the findings, right? Like, who, who makes the decision? You already alluded to it could be somebody in the Title IX office, it could be a law firm or an outside investigator. Is it one person making a decision based on the final reports?
Kimberly Lau: Generally, it isn't. That's not, uh, prohibited, but generally it isn't a one-person, uh, decision-maker.
You would often see a panel of hearing officers, and usually I've seen a lot of three-person panels. I don't see students serving on these panels anymore. That's something of the past. So they generally tend to be administrator level, and they would make the decision. They would make the final decision on, on what the liability would be for those charges.
Some schools bifurcate the sanctioning, so sometimes they have the sanction be a- addressed by a, a separate body or a separate panel, um, and not the original hearing panel.
Candace Dellacona: Oh, interesting. So they would determine what the, you know, quote unquote, "punishment" is or the consequence is of, of, of whatever the decision is?
Kimberly Lau: That's right. That, what I would say is more of the, um, exception, not the rule.
Candace Dellacona: Okay.
Kimberly Lau: Uh, but that, that has happened, yes.
Know Your School Policy
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Candace Dellacona: And so while all this seems to be governed by federal statute, does the process differ from school to school?
Kimberly Lau: It does in the sense of, so you start with the baseline rights that are governed by the Title IX statute and the regulations in effect now.
And from there, schools can build from that, and they often do. And, um, you know, I think for the most part, as long as the foundational rights are there, you know that your rights are being safeguarded. But I think that some schools just tend to, to add a bit more to provide more rights for their students.
Candace Dellacona: I mean, you know, a- as somebody, like I said, who has three college-age kids, all of whom are in university, candidly and maybe embarrassingly, this is not something that I thought about as a parent. And I, I, I... You know, sort of taking time to reflect on it, it really does seem, Kimberly, like it's something that when you're going through all of the opportunities and the options for the different colleges, that this is something that we have to think about.
Kimberly Lau: Absolutely. I... Don't feel bad, Candace. I think you're not in the minority. You're actually part of the majority of parents and students who really don't think they need to acquaint themselves with student handbook policy provisions, let alone the Title IX policy provisions. I think a, a lot of, um, clients who come to me, especially when their parents are, are making that first outreach, say, "Well, I w- I, I just-" This is not my, my, my son.
This is not, you know, this is not something I would ever expect or, you know, this is my first time needing a lawyer. And, you know, so that's common. And I would say as a piece of advice for those listening is you do wanna make yourself acquainted with those policies because it's better to understand your rights earlier rather than later.
Candace Dellacona: And also safety and thinking about what your, your child's university or college sort of thinks about these kinds of issues and their endeavor to make your kids as safe as possible. We all see those blue lights across campus, you know. I think that's something that, as a parent having gone through a lot of tours, I always look for.
Um, but you know, you've talked to me about a lot of different things that students should know now before they arrive on campus. And like you said, you know, you really have pointed out that you should know your school's policy and even where the office is, right? So it, it, it's such great advice to just at least have situational awareness.
Evidence And Alcohol Risks
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Candace Dellacona: And so, you know, when it comes to any of these sort of claims, I mean, and it's so ha- it's such a hard question I'm gonna ask you, Kimberly, but you know, particularly when it comes to someone who is accused, aside from calling mom or dad, what, what is the best sort of cheat sheet of advice? Obviously, call mom or dad.
But beyond that, what should that student be doing? You know, I'm gonna assume they shouldn't be talking to other people about it on campus, but fill us in. What is your, what is the first thing you say when you get on a call with a family member, um, dealing with this?
Kimberly Lau: Well, I think on both sides, whether you're the complaining party or the responding party, you wanna preserve any evidence that you might have about the incident at issue.
Evidence can look different to, you know, depending on the scenario. Evidence could be something like a text message to that person leading up to the encounter in question. But it could also be a text message after the fact as well, right? So there could be relevant evidence before and after the incident, even if the incident itself only involved you and this other person.
So yes, it's normally, um, you're not gonna see a lot of witnesses who are witnessing the encounter. But I encourage folks on both sides to look at the, um, any evidence or witnesses before and after, um, so safeguarding that.
Candace Dellacona: And if you could, you know, give one bit of advice to every parent who is gonna have a conversation when, when their, their child comes home for Thanksgiving or they're leaving for college, what would be the one bit of advice on Title IX that you would give to a parent or a child?
Kimberly Lau: So you touched on it in the very beginning of your episode when you asked about whether alcohol, um, is generally involved in these matters. And while it's not always the case, I would say overwhelmingly, the majority of cases that come my way involve some level of alcohol use by one or both parties, sometimes even additional, um, substance use.
And I think that any time you're, um, involving yourself with someone who is impaired in any way to any degree, and that can include yourself too, right? So if you're impaired, certainly hold off, but if you're involving yourself with someone else who is impaired, just, it's just not worth the risk.
Candace Dellacona: It's a recipe
Kimberly Lau: for disaster.
Wait and see them. Right. Yeah. Wait and see them tomorrow. Yeah. Exchange numbers. Talk to them tomorrow.
Wrap Up And Subscribe
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Candace Dellacona: I mean, it's such great, insightful advice, Kimberly, and really something that all of us as parents should be thinking about. I can't thank you enough for being here. You know, we prepare our kids for academics, and the logistics, and making sure that they have the right mattress topper and, you know, a, a laundry hamper, but we have to prepare them for these moments when something goes wrong, and make sure that they know that calling mom and dad right away and telling them, you know, what is going on is not a sign that they've failed at being an adult, and it's, it's knowing where they should turn when, when they need help.
And, you know, certainly you've given us amazing insight into something that, as I said, I, I didn't know much about before, you know, having you at, at my side. So I'm really grateful for the information and the insight you've provided to us.
Kimberly Lau: You're very welcome, Candace, and thank you for inviting me to speak with you.
Candace Dellacona: Yeah, my pleasure.
Hey, survivors. Be sure to follow and subscribe to The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode. We're back with new conversations on the first and third Tuesdays of every month. If you're finding value in the show, I'd be grateful if you left a five-star review and shared it with other survivors navigating this season of life known as the sandwich generation.
For resources and a full library of past episodes, visit sandwichgenerationlaw.com. Follow the conversation on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok @sandwichgenerationpodcast. Until next time, take care of yourself while surviving and hopefully thriving in the sandwich generation.