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This week is a very different kind of episode. We've tried to record it three times, but fourth time's a charm. But apparently, this was a topic that required a little waiting.
In this episode, George and I explore the role of humor in our lives and how it can be used to hide old resentments or mask uncomfortable discussions. We reflect on their own dreams and goals and the importance of taking them seriously, as well as the impact of our goals on our lives and the lives of those around them.
The conversation explores the role of humor as a shield and its impact on personal growth and relationships. We discuss how humor can be a diversion, providing emotional relief and social bonding. We also delve into the power of humor to change perspectives, diffuse tension, and challenge authority.
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Our chat also took an unexpectedly deep turn, as I shared my personal experience of using humor to seek validation and connection, while George reflected on how humor has been both a shield and a sword for him.
However, humor can also aid in achieving goals by providing emotional relief, reducing stress, enhancing focus and productivity, and strengthening social bonds. Maintaining a balanced use of humor can create an atmosphere conducive to achieving goals and living a life beyond our default.
Topics We Cover
highlights, lowlights, weight loss, goals, humor, dreams, animal spirit cards, humor, shield, diversion, emotional relief, social bonding, perspective change, deflection, empowerment, vulnerability, connection, humor, shield, weapon, distraction, avoidance, procrastination, strain relationships, harm credibility, emotional relief, stress reduction, focus, productivity, social bonds, positive mindset, resilience, team dynamics, enjoyable work environment, morale, motivation, balanced use
Takeaways + Highlights
- Taking goals seriously can lead to personal growth and positive change in one's life.
- Humor can be used as a shield to hide old resentments or uncomfortable discussions.
- Reflecting on dreams and goals can help uncover unfulfilled desires and lead to a more purposeful life.
- Journaling about the prompts from the animal spirit cards can provide valuable insights and self-reflection. Humor can serve as a shield, providing emotional relief and social bonding.
- It can be a diversionary tactic, deflecting attention from deeper emotions or issues.
- Humor has the power to change perspectives and reframe negative situations.
- It can diffuse tension and prevent confrontations, making difficult conversations more manageable.
- Humor can challenge authority and highlight social issues.
- Vulnerability and genuine connection are essential for true understanding and personal growth. Using humor as a shield or weapon can distract us from our goals and undermine our focus.
- Humor can provide emotional relief and reduce stress, enhancing our productivity and resilience.
- Appropriate humor can strengthen social bonds and improve team dynamics.
- Maintaining a balanced use of humor can create a positive and productive work environment.
- Humor can be a valuable tool in achieving our goals and living a fulfilling life.
Creators & Guests
What is Beyond Your Default?
What Is Beyond Your Default? "Everyone keeps telling me I should be happy, but I'm not." “I feel stuck.” “I have a calling, but where do I start?"
Right now, you have a choice. You can continue living within your default norms, playing it safe, clocking in and out every day, and scraping by to achieve what's supposed to make you happy hopefully. Or you can choose to accept the challenge of living beyond your default. Stop wishing to live your "best life” and start living your best life. Success leaves clues. And they're waiting for you to discover them.
I think and, again, we have our own perception, and then other people have their perception of us. But I think for me, humor has always been a shield for me. Always been a shield for me. But when I say that, don't get me wrong. Like, there's a ton of times that I'm simply funny in the moment because that's how I'm built.
George B. Thomas:I'll just say some random ish in a podcast or random stuff on stage or out with friends and not even really mean to be funny, but it's just people like, dude, you're hilarious. Maybe I missed my calling on being a comedian. I don't know. But there are many times where my humor is to put somebody at arm's length. I like to have fun.
George B. Thomas:I like to laugh. I feel good when others around me are laughing and having fun, Liz. Like, natively that feeds or fuels me. But I do realize like most comedians that are out there and if you've seen interviews, the humor comes from dark places. As humans, we get really good at hiding because they're about 37 layers under the last joke we just told.
Liz Moorehead:Welcome back to Beyond Your Default. I'm your host, Liz Moorehead. And as always, I'm joined by the one, the only, the man, the myth, the legend, George b Thomas. It has been a while since we have been on this mic.
George B. Thomas:Yes.
Liz Moorehead:How are you?
George B. Thomas:I'm doing great. It has been a hot minute. I'm back in the saddle. I'm glad we're in the saddle, and I'm ready to go for this adventurous ride on today's topic because I think it's gonna get interesting to say the least.
Liz Moorehead:Oh, yes. I think it's gonna get get extremely interesting. But before we do that, obviously, we start our show every single week the same way. We talk about our highlights and our lowlights. George, what are your highlights and lowlights?
George B. Thomas:Okay. So lowlights is gonna be tough, to be honest with you, but I'll think about that one. Highlight's very easy for me. I've been out of the hospital for 3 weeks, I think. I think it's been 3 weeks, and I have lost £21, so maybe more.
George B. Thomas:We'll see. I'll weigh myself tomorrow. But here's the funny thing is it hasn't been because I started walking because people are gonna ask. It's literally just because I started eating differently, drinking differently. You know, no breads, no sugars, no processed meats, like, just more greens, beans, and nuts, if you will.
George B. Thomas:Like, I love me like, instead of a bowl of chips, now it's like some cashews and pistachio nuts. Like, you know, maybe I'm binge watching sweet tooth on Netflix or something like, hey. Let's get a little bowl of nuts, and let's go for it. So it's been real interesting to watch my body do this naturally based off of, like, what I'm putting into it. And this morning, I was literally sitting here like, okay.
George B. Thomas:Now that I've dropped that, maybe it's time to actually start doing the walks because the walks plus what's happening with my body naturally is real interesting to me. And, again, the goal for me, by the way, is not to lose weight. I'm just happened to be losing weight. The goal is to eat and drink things that don't cause inflammation and pain in my body. So that's the large goal.
George B. Thomas:This is a side benefit that is a highlight. Low light, I've kind of been struggling. I haven't vocalized this to anybody, and I'm about to do it on a damn podcast. I'm kind of struggling with the business a little bit as far as, like, how much we do, how much we should do, who should be doing what, if some people should even be doing. Like, there's a whole bunch of stuff circling around my brain for probably the last week and a half.
George B. Thomas:What's really weird about that is it's because I've actually me purposely slowed down, which is giving my brain the space to think about these things. And while I say it's struggling and I say it's a low light, it's only because it's not by default state, and I don't naturally like to be there. But it is things that as a business owner, my brain should be thinking about. So it's kind of a low light highlight. Did I just cheat?
George B. Thomas:I don't know. Liz, what about you as far as low light highlights?
Liz Moorehead:First of all, this isn't our only podcast rodeo, George. You break my rules constantly on both this podcast and the other podcast, and I do respect it. You know, as a fellow little anarchist in my own happy ways, I deeply respect that. So I get it. I think it's fascinating, though, that you are achieving a goal by not setting out to seek that specific goal with weight loss.
Liz Moorehead:And I had a similar thing. So I'm down now about I mean, you've been watching me, the incredible shrinking list. I'm about, like, £50, £60 down now
George B. Thomas:since
Liz Moorehead:October. And you know what I did? I stopped trying to lose weight. I just stopped. I just started saying, like, I just know I need to move my body, and I need to stop eating like crap.
George B. Thomas:Yeah.
Liz Moorehead:And that's all I do. I don't weigh myself. I don't do any of those types of things. I just stopped. Just stopped.
Liz Moorehead:And what I find fascinating about what you mentioned about your low light, I can completely understand. You're now giving yourself a moment to integrate. I think you've been given the gift of an inflection point where it's like, well, before we keep, you know, we could keep growing. You could keep growing. You could keep going as fast as possible.
George B. Thomas:But it's
Liz Moorehead:it's almost like a gift of, okay. So before we go level up one more, are we leveling up in the right way? Do we have the right people in the right seats doing the right things? But I can understand why it is a low light because then it makes you go, oh, crap. Hold on.
Liz Moorehead:Yeah. Is the call coming from inside the house? Are all the calls coming from inside the house?
George B. Thomas:Yeah. And it's crazy because, again, I should probably get kicked out of the, like, business owner club if there was such a thing. But, I mean, even to the point where I have 3 leads who are pretty ready just to, like, sign on the dotted line and us help them. And as a business owner, I'm sitting there going, but do I wanna?
Liz Moorehead:And that's okay.
George B. Thomas:Do do we wanna do that? Like, it's more in and there's so many business owners out there that are struggling to, like, find the next lead and close the next deal. And we're literally at a point where, like, I can do that, but it will equal this other, like, level, or I cannot do that. And we can just kinda stay where we're at for right now because maybe that's what we need to do, or maybe it's not. Anyway, that's not why we're here today.
George B. Thomas:But, again, that's all in the brain of, like, trying to figure out how to you know, living a life beyond your default and being a business owner can sometimes become a very complex matrix of should I, could I, would I scenarios. And, man, my brain just likes to, like, get lost in the woods of those things.
Liz Moorehead:Oh, man. I love that. So my highlights let's see. I wish I could say my highlight is, man, this weather is so beautiful, but, you know, I am a fall and winter girly. So I'm sitting here going, yay, sunshine.
Liz Moorehead:We love this for us. This is great.
George B. Thomas:I do like your sun.
Liz Moorehead:I will say, having lived in New England, I didn't know in New England because it's further from the equator, the sun in the winter sets earlier. So down here, it'll still like, even in the winter, like, it's, like, 5 o'clock or so and that really sucks. Up there, it's, like, 4 o'clock in the wintertime, which is brutal. That is a level of like, god. No wonder you're so angry up there.
George B. Thomas:Oh, in Ohio, we hated it. When we lived in Ohio versus North Carolina, we're like, okay. It's 4:15, and it's midnight out.
Liz Moorehead:Yeah. But what I will say that is a positive out of it, and this is why it is my highlight, not just me complaining about sunshine, is I have been able to get out more and just really enjoy walking around town. I live in a really cool spot in historic downtown Annapolis. And, you know, once a week on the weekends, there's always, like, a big brass band playing outside or stuff like that going on. Like, there's just this really cool community feeling that this town really comes alive around this time of year after everyone's been trapped inside for months.
Liz Moorehead:Right? But that I would say is my highlight is just really walking around with completely unhurried energy. I don't feel frantic like I did last year. I feel very much like, hey, life is gonna surprise me. You know, I wrote about this in our newsletter a few weeks ago, beyond your default.comforward/newsletter.
Liz Moorehead:Comes out once a week.
George B. Thomas:Go subscribe, please.
Liz Moorehead:Go subscribe. Yeah. I wrote about how 5 year plans suck and how I really don't like them because whenever I develop them, they're completely wrong. So the recent commitment I had made to myself is to embrace a mindset of curiosity Instead of constantly trying to clench my hands around life and shape it to exactly what I want it to be, that I was just gonna allow it to myself to be curious at all times. And I've been really focusing on that recently as part of my highlight.
Liz Moorehead:And because of that, I've just had some really interesting adventures. I had dinner with random friends who I ran into because I decided to just go walk around and see where I am. I've experienced new music, new art, new different and it's just been really fun. Now my low light has been a weird thing. I cannot get my sleep schedule straight.
Liz Moorehead:I don't know what it is. For a while, I had strep for about a week or so a couple weeks ago, which was, you know, 0 out of 5 stars. That is my Yelp review. Do not recommend.
George B. Thomas:Yeah.
Liz Moorehead:Lots of notes. Hated it. Hated every moment of it. I'd never had it before, but I learned, you know, when you have your don't have your tonsils out, apparently, that makes you more prone to it. Oh.
Liz Moorehead:But, yeah, I didn't know that. They're like, it's not a direct cause, but it can make you more prone to getting it, especially when you're older. But it's just been strange. As more connected and mentally dialed in, I feel physically something's out of whack. I'll find myself with nights where I'm just staying up really late with my brain going, but it's not anxiety that's keeping it up keeping me up like it used to be.
Liz Moorehead:It's something else. Or I'll just wake up once an hour every hour. It just something's up with my sleep and so it's creating this weird I know I'm not the only person who feels this way sometimes, but it's creating this weird kind of loop where it's like, if my sleep schedule's off, even if I get an appropriate amount of sleep, even if it's not just Liz didn't sleep, it will suddenly make me feel more removed from my communities, from my people, from my work because I'm not quite dialed in. All of my rhythms are off. So there's this been this weird cascading effect where just all of my rhythms for about two and a half weeks have just been off.
George B. Thomas:Yeah. I'll tell you one thing I don't have a problem with, Liz, and that is sleep.
Liz Moorehead:Oh my god. I'm so jealous.
George B. Thomas:My wife gets so angry because I can sleep anywhere. Like, we'll be somewhere, and I'll just prop against the wall. I'm out. Here's the funny thing, though, and and I'm gonna say this for the listeners, but I'm also saying this for you. My sleep and the ability to sleep through the night and when I wake up feeling refreshed dramatically changed when I quit being bullheaded.
George B. Thomas:And I think it was about 6 months ago, maybe 7 at this point. I went ahead, doctor's orders, and I did a CPAP, which everybody that I talk to, usually, they kind of freak out of, like, no. I couldn't have something on my face or blah blah blah. There's insert, like, excuse for the human. Just insert any excuse there.
Liz Moorehead:We always have a 1,000 excuses not to help our health.
George B. Thomas:I did this too. I did this too. But once I, and it took about 3 days. 3 days, 4 days. Got used to it.
George B. Thomas:And now I'm, like, I'm probably their best advocate. I should become a CPAP salesman because I was literally talking to my dad when I went to Ohio for a funeral and was visiting with and my mom let it slip like, oh, yeah. He's got sleep apnea. And I'm like, dude. Dude, you gotta get your CPAP.
George B. Thomas:And he's like, like, you could immediately tell. He was like, dude, shut up before I kill you and take you out of the will because your mom is just gonna ride my butt the entire time after you leave. And so, like, I shut it down, but anybody who has this cycle or they wake up and don't feel refreshed, hey. It's just a doctor's visit and see. Get tested.
George B. Thomas:Like, maybe you have sleep apnea. Maybe it's waking you up. But by the way, like, large weight changes and things like that will just because your body
Liz Moorehead:is even thought of that.
George B. Thomas:Yeah. Your body's used to be in a certain way, and now all of a sudden your body's changing. And so, like, be like, hey. This happened, and now I'm doing this. Can you please, like, tell me what your thoughts are?
George B. Thomas:And, like, actually get some damn medical advice. I'm done saying that to you, but to you and to the listeners. It's it's just me. From a guy who usually is like, I hate doctors. I hate hospitals.
George B. Thomas:But the older I get, I'm like, just get some advice. That's what they're there for. Anyway, again, not what we're here to talk about, but No. Very important stuff.
Liz Moorehead:I actually think this is really tied pretty deeply into what we're talking about today. Because the whole thrust of today's conversation is and this is a bit of a different episode in terms of where we sourced it. But this idea the question we're gonna be asking ourselves today is what would happen if you took your goals seriously?
George B. Thomas:Yeah.
Liz Moorehead:And this, I think, is wrapped up in it because well, you know what? We'll get to that. I wanna first talk about where this came from. And what's funny is I got this for you as well, George, and I don't know if you've interacted with it. I don't even know if you've picked it up.
Liz Moorehead:But a friend of mine 2 years ago as a gift gave me a box of cards, animal spirit cards by Kim Kranz. And I'm, like, I don't know what this is and I don't understand. She's like, it's fun. You can pull cards, you can read stuff, you could just see what it is. I'm like, okay.
Liz Moorehead:That's fine. And I had them put away for a really long time. And then as I was moving around recently, I reopened it up. I'm like, I forgot about this. And and they're pretty neat, you know.
Liz Moorehead:They have little animals like lion, crow, tiger, da da da da da. And I don't subscribe to a particular belief system around stuff like this. I think of it more as like kind of like a subconscious little psychology thing. Like, you pick 1, you pull from it, you see how you feel about it. But then something weird started happening.
Liz Moorehead:And wouldn't you know it, George? As if on cue, guess what popped out?
George B. Thomas:Hey. There we go. I'm just saying, like, there it is. Which, by the way, if you're listening to this, you're like, what? What just popped out?
George B. Thomas:I can't see the screen. So a card that we're about to talk about just came flying out.
Liz Moorehead:And, George, what's funny is I was originally not considering this something we should talk about. But you said, if it happens once, fine. If it happens twice, coincidence. If it happens 3 times, somebody's trying to tell me.
George B. Thomas:Somebody's knocking on your mental doorway. I'm just saying.
Liz Moorehead:And this card has been stalking me for about 2 months. I had in 1 week this card. I would shuffle it. I would throw it against a wall. I could, like, shake it in a bucket and this one card would come out.
Liz Moorehead:And it is the hyena card. And I read it to you And as soon as we read it, we're like, oh, shit. We have to talk about this.
George B. Thomas:Yeah.
Liz Moorehead:The hyena personality is a jokester and a crowd pleaser. But below the surface, there are unfulfilled dreams to be realized. When the hyena card appears, it is time to reflect on your reliance on sarcasm and humor to express your truth. Ouch. Are you using jokes to hide old resentments in relationships or to mask things that you feel uncomfortable discussing?
Liz Moorehead:What would happen if you took your goals seriously? George, I wanna turn to you for a second and ask you this. When I shared this, I was a little bit nervous to come to you
Liz Moorehead:and be like, so I got these cards and this this one card has been stalking me and I'm having feelings of that.
Liz Moorehead:Like, that's a weird thing for me to say. Like, that that felt like a weird thing for me to say, but you had a very excited emotional reaction about this conversation. And I wanna know why. What is it about either this story or this subject that really excites you and makes it important?
George B. Thomas:Yeah. After I got past my is that there one of them carrot cards? No.
Liz Moorehead:I'm just
George B. Thomas:kidding. I didn't do I didn't do that. I didn't do that.
Liz Moorehead:I did.
George B. Thomas:But see how funny that was, though, because you're talking about human anyway, it's not it's not like
Liz Moorehead:I get it.
George B. Thomas:I see it. It's not one of them cards. It's not like voodoo. Like, listen. First of all, if you've paid attention to this podcast, you realize I historically suck at journaling.
George B. Thomas:And so immediately, this idea, and I love this idea of randomly picking a card, which leads to an internal journey of who we are and possibly how we interact with the world and using that as a catalyst to do some type of actual, like, daily journaling. Like, just fundamentally, that excites me. But, again, Liz gave you some context to, like, we were going over this card. We're having this conversation, but a side portion of this that, Liz, you didn't know is that I've always been kind of I don't know if I wanna say in tuned, entrenched, enticed. I I don't know the word I'm looking for, but of this idea of spirit animals.
George B. Thomas:And, like, so knowing that there was this deck and knowing that you were talking about hyena and knowing that it was, like, these these unknown spirit animals, and and it was, alluding to this kind of nature and religion and spiritual, and you could kinda take it how you wanted it. Like, I was just like, Liz, I need one of them their decks, which, of course, you then gifted me a pack of the the deck and and the book that comes with it, which, by the way, like, Liz, I literally have earmarked the hyena in the book because I was, like, reading it and going through it for this episode. But here's the thing, I've always been fascinated with the idea of spirit animals. And for Indian cultures, like, this concept is huge. Like, huge.
George B. Thomas:And, heck, Marcus Sheridan, which was a boss that I had at a historical company I worked for called the sales lion because he alluded to that the lion was his his spirit animal, like, a thing that he thought about, dreamt about. I've always been more of, like, a curious George monkey spirit animal, to be honest with you. Like
Liz Moorehead:My company is named after an animal. So my company is named Buena Volpe, but it's that means good fox. And the whole thesis behind good fox is when you are clever and cunning and intelligent, it is a choice to be a good fox.
George B. Thomas:Yeah. I love it. That's why
Liz Moorehead:I named it.
George B. Thomas:I love it. So for me, you know, Curious George, the monkey, or I've been really in tune with, like, the horse. I mean, I used to be a horse trainer. I grew up in Montana. So, like, the horse was very close or instrumental in my life until the day that we had our conversation.
George B. Thomas:And I had never really thought about like, wow, is the hyena my spirit animal? Like, is this really who I am and, like, who I kind of correlate to? Because I've always, listen. I got told I would amount to nothing at 17a half. I've told this story on the podcast because I was being a class clown.
George B. Thomas:I was being a hyena. I was joking around. Like, I was having fun. And and so, like, natively, even at a younger age, like, this is who I was and how I've kind of programmed to be. And and I'm really good at just kind of being funny in the moment, which is a good thing and a bad thing.
George B. Thomas:We'll get into that sometimes depending on how or what you're wielding with that humor. But regarding the hyena card, I felt a direct correlation, or I might even say, like, a deep connection with the words that you read that day and, Liz, that you just read a second ago so people don't have to rewind. The card starts out, the hyena represents a jokester and crowd pleaser. I get paid to speak on stage. Yep.
George B. Thomas:In front of crowds so that they have fun and get educated. I'm literally on a podcast mic right now for who knows how large of audience so that they can enjoy and educate around life. Like, I just wanna say, have you met me? Like, like, what that whole first line, jokester and crowd pleaser. Again, this is my default state in good ways that I'm trying to amplify, and I also understand in bad ways that I'm trying to fix along the way.
George B. Thomas:But the card goes on to say, below the surface, there are dreams to be realized. Sometimes the hyena is so busy joking around and pleasing people, they don't get down to the root of what they wanna do with life. And, Liz, this is where I literally go back and say, the first 25 to 30 years of my life may have been wasted. While there was life lessons along the way, it was very surface level, and still I started to dig down and started to realize these dreams. Right?
George B. Thomas:Really, like, 2010, 2012 is when, like, things really started to take shape and and kind of change. Before that, the the pre George b Thomas and just the George Thomas is a whole thing. But I've been working hard for sure for at least the last 2 to 3 years to realize all my dreams. I mean, listen. That's why I've started a business.
George B. Thomas:That's why we created the beyond your default podcast. That's why we'll launch the Beyond Your Default book course. Heck, who knows what else? The family and I are moving in about a year, and we'll be first time homeowners at 53 years old. And we have very specific things that we're looking for or, dare I say, dreaming about when we purchase our first time and what we're calling our forever home.
George B. Thomas:My wife and I at 53, we're buying and we don't plan on moving. So there is a laundry list of we dream about having this. My dreams, our family dreams are not only being realized, Liz and listeners, but I would say we're freaking mapping them out with purpose, which again, historically, you know, history, George, it was not that deep. It was not that mapped out. The card goes on to say, are you using jokes to hide old resentments in relationships?
George B. Thomas:Listen. I don't know about you. Only you can answer for you, but I've joked my way through and past a lot of historical pain. And to be honest, I think that it wasn't until we started this podcast and created this podcast that I have gone back through my life and started to unpack some of the ish that I joked away along the journey. Moments have really been looked at, dissected, and worked through in my life over the last how many episodes have we done of this?
George B. Thomas:There's been a lot of, like, doctor George to George, like, growth and tweaking and changing. And so the card then goes on to state, what would happen if you took your goals seriously? I am. I am taking my goals seriously, and it's changing my life and the lives of those around me. And and I'm I would ask the listeners, like, to ask yourself that question and get to the point where you're able to just say, I am right now.
George B. Thomas:I'm finding it both. The fact that I can say I am and the fact that it is changing my life and people's lives around me, I find it both challenging and exhilarating at the same time, to be honest. Like, again, everything is almost like a little bit of a a double edged sword or, like, the positive and the negative, the yin, the yang to it. But that's why I found it exciting and and what has led us to talk about humor as a weapon or as a shield in our life. This little freaking card, this hyena card was the catalyst for this entire conversation today.
Liz Moorehead:I love it. And I love that you mentioned the journaling practice because I did fail to mention that. One of the things that I do is that whenever I read a card, I have 30 minutes each day and I have to sit down and write about what the card brings up. What is hilarious about this is that hilarious.
George B. Thomas:Isn't that funny?
Liz Moorehead:Isn't that funny? Is that I have now had to write about this same question 3 times over the past month and I now have to do it again today.
George B. Thomas:Does it change each time?
Liz Moorehead:That's what I wanna talk about. So what I find fascinating about this is that when I first read this, I had a very big reaction to it because it made me confront the fact that and I've talked about my people pleasing tendencies on this podcast before. I've talked about where they come from. And to pat myself on the back, I'm an intelligent quick witted person. I also do public speaking.
Liz Moorehead:I also do podcasting and I'm a writer, like, and and part of my voice and tone is authentic, but there's a lot of humor involved in that.
George B. Thomas:Yeah.
Liz Moorehead:But one of the things that it really started forcing me to confront is this little shadow part of myself that says, Liz, let's go a question deeper. Do you want to be entertaining and loved or do you want to be effective? Oh. And that when I got because usually what I do, like, so for example, to go back to our newsletter for a second. 2 weeks ago, I did an issue on risk that was inspired by a friend of mine asking me why does it feel so hard to take risks?
Liz Moorehead:And I'm like, well, wait a minute, that's not is that the question? Because I started peeling back the layers. Right? I'm like, well, wait a minute. Sometimes I'm fine with taking a risk.
Liz Moorehead:I could have 2 risks of equal weight and equal potential for failure at an equal amount and I will run after one with more ease than the other. Why? And it's because I know I freaking want it. Because I took the time to sit down and say I want this. This fuels me.
Liz Moorehead:This is what I need. This is what I want. So the first time I sat with this question, I felt like I had a body, a physical reaction to it. And I started saying, well, what is it about the question? And it's because what the question was forcing me to ask, which was, effective?
Liz Moorehead:Do you even know what your goals are? And that's when you start getting into really potentially scary spaces, because you know how it is, George. We are trained through our work and our professions to respond, to be ready, to talk, to know things, to be knowledgeable, to be here, to be guides to other people.
George B. Thomas:Yeah.
Liz Moorehead:And it could create feelings of fraudulence if you're guides to other people
Liz Moorehead:and you're, like, I guess, I'm just trying to figure this out.
Liz Moorehead:You know, I'm just vibing. Like, what are my goals? Now what I find fascinating about this practice too is that I have to answer this again today. And we like to be radically honest with our listeners. Yeah.
Liz Moorehead:This is the 3rd time we have tried to record this episode.
George B. Thomas:Yeah.
Liz Moorehead:The first two times, they were stuff happened. But I always have a problem with and I talked to you about this this morning. I always have a problem with even if each instance is reasonable. Once we get to a 3rd time
George B. Thomas:Yeah.
Liz Moorehead:There is a there is a problem. And that problem was this morning. I can't tell you why I wasn't awake for the original time. Could not tell you. We need to have a conversation today about Liz.
Liz Moorehead:You know what you your goals are. You're working through the fact that you are really embracing being effective, dialed in rather than entertaining and liked because that is a wound you're working through. So what would happen if you took your goal seriously? I now, for a 4th time, have to come back and answer this question again for 30 minutes. And I'm very excited to see what comes out because I love opportunities like this to challenge ourselves with really hard questions.
Liz Moorehead:Because if you can really push yourself through these difficult moments, whether you're asking yourself this question for the first time or this is something, like, this is something you need to work through, If you allow yourself to be uncomfortable and honest, you can get to some really, really interesting places. And I'll definitely share with you what I end up coming to later on when I do this later today.
George B. Thomas:Because I am curious. Yeah. I'm curious because I know by the way, I
Liz Moorehead:I pay attention to things.
George B. Thomas:Oh, yeah. I know that, historically, you have been struggling with building a brand inside of Beyond Your Default and what the universe is asking you to become and how to show up. And and literally, when this thing skipped the first time, I was like, and then it skipped the second time. And I was like, okay. Like, is the universe because, again, I have a real weird set of, like, the universe sometimes maybe doesn't want us to open certain doors, doesn't want us to see certain things, doesn't want us to hear or let others hear certain things.
George B. Thomas:I said, this is interesting. Maybe it's coincidence, whatever. And then the third time it happened this morning, first of all, I got frustrated as all get out.
Liz Moorehead:Yeah. A little
George B. Thomas:at you, a little at the universe, a little at myself, and then, like, I was like, why am I frustrated? Literally walked out and talked to my wife. I'm like, man, I'm frustrated. I'm just trying to clear my head right now. But when I started to think about it, I was like, okay.
George B. Thomas:Doesn't matter when. As soon as I have a conversation with Liz, I'm just resetting the time, and we're doing this, and screw the universe. Here's the questions that I ask myself. Is the universe doing this, or is Liz subconsciously doing this? Because of the fact that this is a large stepping stone into her understanding goals around who she is to be, can be, and will be in the future based off of this, like, very pivotal piece, humor, and what it does or does not do to goals as she moves forward.
George B. Thomas:I don't have the answer to that, but that's why I say, Liz, I'm very interested in knowing when you write it today, what ends up happening.
Liz Moorehead:I remember I woke up this morning. I was like, what the actual fuck? And I had a moment where I sat there and I'm just like, I had the same moment. I'm frustrated with myself. Mhmm.
Liz Moorehead:I'm frustrated with whatever is happening. Because I'm, like, you and I record multiple podcasts. This is an anomaly to miss the same episode Yeah. 3 this is unheard of. It is and I had to force myself to say, what is this moment trying to show me?
Liz Moorehead:It's, like, like, well, first, you're gonna pick up the phone and you're gonna call George immediately and own this because this is insanity. But then the other piece of it is exactly what we're talking about. These seemingly innocuous questions are here to teach us something and I guarantee you, I have a big block around this, what I'm stepping into. Because what I've been feeling recently is that so we are part of an entrepreneurs group called, Evolve and we have group that we meet with and we have individual coaches. And I remember now that I'm thinking about it, George, yesterday, Tim was talking about my writing and how in the newsletter, particularly in the past 3 weeks, something has shifted.
Liz Moorehead:I've gotten much more dialed in. I've gotten much more direct. Like, there is a level of flow that is occurring. And if I'm being honest with myself, I felt 90 8% great. And now that I'm reflecting on that conversation, there is a 2% of me that was terrified.
George B. Thomas:Yeah. And, see, I've looked at the last couple newsletters. I'll give you my perspective. I was like, finally. Finally, she's taking no prisoners.
Liz Moorehead:She's Really?
George B. Thomas:She's setting them up and knocking them down. I'm like, if people don't like this, they don't need to read it. But the people who like this are gonna freaking change. They're gonna look at themselves. They're gonna listen to the stories as they're reading it, and it's gonna be a catalyst point.
George B. Thomas:So, yeah, I have loved the direction of the last couple newsletters and have fearfully thought about not or sharing that with you in the worries that it would change the outcome of the newsletters moving forward because I was like, I'll just let her be on her course and do what she's doing. But, yeah, the newsletter strategy of take no prisoners is I'm like, yes. Like, let's do it, especially for what we're doing here with this podcast, with this community. Listen. If you're trying to grow, then this newsletter in the way that it has the last couple weeks is gonna help you do that.
Liz Moorehead:I'm at shameless plug beyond your default.comforward/newsletter. This wasn't intentionally gonna be around the newsletter, but that means a lot. And I'm glad you shared that with me because I'm like, George has thoughts because he's being uncharacteristically quiet. I usually at least say to, hey. But I had a friend this morning text me.
Liz Moorehead:I'll send you the text later, George. She's like, yesterday's issue, that hurt. And I said, why? And she wrote my relationship. I'm like,
George B. Thomas:oh. Yeah. I literally hit the reply because I was in the hotel room because we took Noah and the family to Cherokee, Resort and Casino for his 21st birthday. I was in the hotel room, had hit reply on the newsletter that you wrote just recently, and literally was like, nope.
Liz Moorehead:Oh, about endings? Yeah.
George B. Thomas:Nope. I'm just gonna, you know, I'm just gonna let it but I was I was so close to hitting reply and saying something. I was like, nope. I'm just gonna let it be. I'm gonna let it be.
George B. Thomas:So good.
Liz Moorehead:But this is where we get into something very interesting that starts happening. Because one of the places that I felt uncomfortable and this leads me into my next question, George, for you. One of the things I've done it is I've become less reliant on humor. Humor still shows up. There's very loud all caps Applebee's reference in this past week's issue.
Liz Moorehead:But I've become I don't know. My relationship with humor is changing because I think my relationship with humor in general is that humor is a symptom of a deeper wound.
George B. Thomas:Oh, we'll talk about that. And so we can get in that question, but here's the thing that I for some reason, my brain is wanting to, like, shout this right now with what you just said. And and I usually say this, like, with design principles. Right? I'm like, hey.
George B. Thomas:Design is supposed to be the salt and pepper. It's not supposed to be the sandwich. Like, it's not the meal. It's what makes the meal taste good. If humor is the whole meal, AKA some of our historical newsletters, fine.
George B. Thomas:It's great. It's a meal, but it might not be healthy versus if humorous, the salt and pepper inside the meal, the steak, something that really fills you up, something that really gives you the power to move forward. Now the humor being the salt and pepper or the condiment, depending on what you like, analogy wise, now we're heading in the right direction. So you do still have in by the way, the last 2 to 3 that you've written, salt and pepper humor
Liz Moorehead:Mhmm.
George B. Thomas:But mostly steak.
Liz Moorehead:Okay. Now I wanna get off the hot seat for a little bit because Yeah.
George B. Thomas:This is a
Liz Moorehead:lot of talking about my feelings. So I wanna hear from you. How has your relationship with humor been throughout your life? How has it been a shield for you? I know you've already started touching on this, but let's go deeper.
George B. Thomas:I think and, again, we have our own perception, and then other people have their perception of us. But I think for me, humor has always been a shield for me. Always been a shield for me. But when I say that, don't get me wrong. Like, there's a ton of times that I'm simply funny in the moment because that's how I'm built.
George B. Thomas:Like, I'll just say some random ish in a podcast or random stuff on stage or out with friends and not even really mean to be funny, but it's just people like, dude, you're hilarious. Maybe I missed my calling on being a comedian. I don't know. But there are many times where my humor is to put somebody at arm's length. I like to have fun.
George B. Thomas:I like to laugh. I feel good when others around me are laughing and having fun, Liz. Like, natively, that feeds or fuels me. But I do realize, like most comedians that are out there, and if you've seen interviews, the humor comes from dark places. That as humans, we get really good at hiding because they're about 37 layers under the last joke we just told.
Liz Moorehead:I saw a webcomic about this recently. It's like, you're so funny, and the girl goes, thanks, trauma.
Liz Moorehead:It's just
George B. Thomas:Yeah. And the funny thing, if you asked me, because you you know, has it ever been a shield? I said always. But I also wanna add sometimes for me because it by the way, a shield is to protect us, which is why I literally use the keep people at arms length reference to protect myself. I am funny, humorous.
George B. Thomas:But I would also say sometimes my humor has been a sword. Not so much anymore, but when I was younger, and I'll say dumber in life, I would use humor to take others out. Like, just take them down. And that was just wrong. And now something that I am always watching out for and keeping the old George, that portion of old George at bay when it comes to that kind of sword style humor.
George B. Thomas:So I want the listeners to think about, like, in your life, have you used humor as a shield? Have you used humor as a sword? What part does humor play in your past, your present, and the way that you present to yourself that you can actually become or do with or without that humor? Liz, let's put you back on the hot seat. What what are your thoughts to this question?
Liz Moorehead:I would have answered this question entirely differently had we record this when we were supposed to the first time and the second time. I would have recorded this in entirely different way. So let's be honest. What is my relationship with humor? My relationship with humor for a really long time was the way I would find love and liking.
Liz Moorehead:I really have struggled for a long time in my life to feel a sense of connection with people. And a lot of that is circumstantial. I'm an only child and both of my parents were only children. So I grew up with no aunts, uncles, or cousins. They also had me when they were much older.
Liz Moorehead:My mother was reproductively challenged and I was a miracle baby who showed up when they were 40. So a lot of my extended family passed away relatively young. And then I moved out on my own when I was 19 years old. And I really never felt the family connectedness that a lot of people feel. I I grew up in an abusive household and and I don't share these things to to garner pity.
Liz Moorehead:I I love my path and I wouldn't change anything about it. It's why I get to be sitting here having these conversations with you. I wanna be clear. There's a reason I don't talk about this and it's that fear of, oh, you know, but if we're talking about where this wound came from and and where humor started to cover that wound, It's because it was a way for me to achieve connectedness because, hey, I happen to be a funny person. Like, that's cool.
George B. Thomas:She's the life of the party.
Liz Moorehead:Yeah. She's exhausted. She's exhausted. So when I think about what this question has forced me to ask myself over and over again and now doing it for a 4th time, I think it tricked me into believing that being liked was the goal. Oh.
Liz Moorehead:Because it was the one thing I always lacked or felt I lacked. And as I've started to unpack this over the past month or so, I've started to realize things like being funny is ultimately hollow if there is no steak. If it's just a big plate of pepper, you start to wonder, well, do I actually have anything of substance or value to contribute? I remember at an old job I had, you know, I was one of our top speakers and toward the end, one of the reasons I had to leave is because I'm not sure I have anything original to say. I I'm funny and entertaining and our audience likes me a lot, but I'm not saying anything wholly original.
Liz Moorehead:They didn't put me in this position. It was just circumstances. It's just what happened. But it kinda gave me an identity crisis of, like, do I actually contribute anything? And so it's not necessarily that humor has been a shield for me per se, it's more that it was my way as an inherently very lonely person to feel less lonely.
Liz Moorehead:The problem is, is that I ended up still feeling lonely because nobody knew me. There was a version of me that existed out there. It wasn't real. And so when I started tackling this question of what would happen if you take your goal seriously, that's when when you start realizing, like, shit, what are my goals? Like, when I think about the writing I've been doing the past few weeks for beyond your default, I will tell you I have felt the most alive I have ever felt doing that.
George B. Thomas:Yep.
Liz Moorehead:And it scared me. Because when you start tapping into something real, that means you start giving yourself the vulnerability to lose something. I don't know. That's where my
George B. Thomas:brain went. There's so much right there. Like, you can't lose something you never had, and you'll never have the thing if you actually don't embrace vulnerability. And so, therefore, it's like a catch 22 where you don't ever actually reach the mecca, the Nirvana, because you're afraid that you'll lose it, but you never got it because you weren't willing to take the journey anyway.
Liz Moorehead:That's the honest answer. And what's funny is a couple of weeks ago, the answer probably would have been like, yeah, joke like some version of that. Yeah. Jokester, trickster. But I think this is where I would always encourage people to ask the question behind the question.
Liz Moorehead:Is humor really the issue or is humor a symptom? Right?
George B. Thomas:Yeah.
Liz Moorehead:Like, your ankle could be swollen because it's broken, fractured, you twisted it, you sprained it. It could be a 1,000 different things. There are different root causes. So it's really figuring out, like, what is the root.
George B. Thomas:Yeah. It's interesting too before we move on to the next question. I don't know how necessarily to unpack this, but I want the listeners to think about something that you said. Because you mentioned the idea of, like, I wanted to be liked. That was, like, a major goal.
George B. Thomas:It's funny because and, again, I I know I'm not gonna do this justice, but when you said that, I was like, oh, is my goal here to be liked or is my goal here to learn, or is my goal here to lead? And, of course, we wanna have great relationships, but how much does like versus love actually equal a great relationship? And is like surface love anyway, listeners, I want you to try to unpack this idea of just in in a micro goal of, like, do you do the things you do because you wanna be liked versus you're doing the things that you do because you want to or need to lead or because you want to or need to learn or because you want to or need to love or be loved because there's a big difference between those things.
Liz Moorehead:What's interesting too is that that type of writing I've done recently for Beyond Your Default newsletter has also leaked into my personal life. I woke up one morning last week
George B. Thomas:and I
Liz Moorehead:was like, I need to apologize to someone. And then I sat down and basically wrote an essay and I just got really raw and vulnerable, you know, and I thanked them for
Liz Moorehead:being my friend over this past year. You know, it's it's been a tough year and just wanted to own a few things with them. Yeah. And it
Liz Moorehead:brought us entirely closer. Like, it could fundamentally changed everything. So it's fascinating. The mechanisms by which I think we think we can achieve closeness, true understanding is usually the inverse of what will actually do it. It's not humor.
Liz Moorehead:It's vulnerability. It's not laughter. It's true love. It's not making people happy. It's being, like, hey, we need to talk about we need to talk about this.
Liz Moorehead:Yeah.
Liz Moorehead:Right? That's when you show true love. So I've talked a bit about what made humor an attractive shield for me, but, George, I'd love to hear from you your thoughts on what you believe makes humor such an attractive shield for yourself or other people.
George B. Thomas:Yeah. And this question actually kind of was one of those, this scares the crap out of me questions. But the first word that came, like, rushing to my mind was and, again, this might be for me. It might be for you for other people, for the listeners. But the first word that came rushing to my mind was diversion.
George B. Thomas:Right? We've all seen the movie where, like, hey. We need somebody to create a diversion so that they don't actually see what's happening over here. For me, humor is the diversion. The great and powerful laws.
George B. Thomas:You're looking at the humor, so you don't see the human. Right? You don't see the man or woman behind the curtain, or in this case, behind the mass of the person who is presenting the humor. So, like, I immediately go to, like, man, is it a diversionary tactic, a smoke in a mirror so they don't actually see who I am? They're just like,
Liz Moorehead:oh, that dude's a funny dude. I love this.
George B. Thomas:So that's the first thing. But but I think there's, like, 5 things that people might fall into, and I'll keep these short. But, like, I think it's an enticing shield, humor, because there's, like, emotional relief. And we've kind of alluded to the second one, social bonding. Humor is a great way, by the way, to do perspective change.
George B. Thomas:I'll even throw in I use diversion, but I'll even use deflection. There's an interesting one that is, like, it's very empowering, which by the way too, I think, is a little bit of, like, there could be a whole another conversation as, like, humor as a drug for the person who is dispensing the humor because you get the attaboys and attagirls. You're so funny. And then you're, like, chemicals bubble up, and you're like,
Liz Moorehead:oh, I'm
Liz Moorehead:Get the high. Yeah.
George B. Thomas:But as far as, like, these five things. Right? When we think about, an emotional relief, like, humor helps us as individuals in many cases. This is why I talked about joking my way past and through earlier. It helps us manage stress and anxiety by providing and, Liz, I wanted to say something about this when you were talking the word temporary.
George B. Thomas:Like, it's a temporary Band Aid. Right? So, like but it helps us manage stress, anxiety by providing a temporary escape from the difficulties that we might be facing that injected us into this, like, humor mode, this shield or sore.
Liz Moorehead:Doesn't heal
George B. Thomas:it. Exactly. Exactly. So if we think about social bonding, like, listen, shared laughter, which, by the way, listeners, just stop for a second. If you have to pause the podcast, pause it.
George B. Thomas:But I want you to stop and think about a time, if not multiple times in your life, where somebody started laughing, and then you started laughing because they were laughing, but you didn't even know why they were laughing. Like, we've all fall prey to that. Right? And so shared laughter or humor has the ability to also strengthen relationships and foster a sense of community. Again, Liz, you are hitting on so many points where you said lonely.
George B. Thomas:I'll use the word isolation. And so when you're socially humorous, it reduces this feeling of I'm isolated on an island by myself because I have these other humans who are engaging with what I'm actually saying or doing in that moment. It is powerful for perspective change. Humor allows us to reframe negative situations. Again, we alluded to this.
George B. Thomas:Right? Comedians, trauma. It's reframing these negative situations to be less threatening. It doesn't feel as big as it should. Here's the problem.
George B. Thomas:When it doesn't feel as big as it should, you also don't take care of the problem, and the problem sits there and festers and becomes a bigger problem because we tried to change the perspective of it with humor. Or maybe it actually can be changed with humor, and we can get through the thing that we have. Deflection humor can diffuse tension and prevent confrontations. This is a definitely at work one maybe where you're like, and I'm just gonna not have confrontation, so I'll make a little funny here. Watch a lot of leaders use humor in this moment in time to make difficult conversations more manageable because people let their guard down because there was, like, this humorous kind of moment.
George B. Thomas:The setup, right, with humor before, maybe the potential, like, let down of whatever's coming next in the conversation. And then I talked about empowerment. Humor can challenge authority. We can use humor to highlight social issues. We can use humor to provide even what I'll call a sense of control.
George B. Thomas:I'm gonna say this, and I don't really want any hate mail, but I do want the listeners to think about one thing. Do you embrace the belief or have you said historically, man, I'm a control freak. And do you or have you historically said, I'm a funny guy or gal? If you pair those 2 together, you might wanna think about that for a second. Because are you using humor to enable yourself to be the control freak and create a mist of falsality that you're not actually in control of anything.
George B. Thomas:Again, I
Liz Moorehead:don't Mist of falsality? What?
George B. Thomas:I don't want hate mail. So that's anyway, with something like humor that has so many vectors to it, it has the potential to be a big part of our lives, and it is. And we can either pay attention to the part that it plays in our life, humor, or not. But I personally would suggest to pay attention to the part humor plays in your life. Because if you slice it, dice it, diagnose it, it just might say a lot about who you are under the surface.
George B. Thomas:And, oh, god. I just don't even know if I wanna say this part.
Liz Moorehead:But You're gonna say it.
George B. Thomas:It might say a lot about who you are under the surface or maybe even how healthy you are under the surface. Liz, what are your thoughts on my whole humor diatribe?
Liz Moorehead:I couldn't agree more. I mean, there was a reason why I corrected myself earlier when I was speaking and I said, you know, it helped me heal the wound up. I'm like, wait. Nope. It didn't heal.
Liz Moorehead:It just covered it. And that's what I think is fascinating about this. Humor becomes a mask. Humor becomes a shield. Humor can be a weapon.
Liz Moorehead:There's this great quote from Ravi Shankar who says the intelligent use humor as a shield against humiliation. The cruel use humor as a sword to insult others. The irresponsible use humor to escape from responsibility. The fool takes humor too seriously. Humor is spontaneous to make an effort to be humorous makes no sense.
Liz Moorehead:What I love about this quote is is that it speaks to the fact of something that's really important that I wanna point out here, which is that humor is not a
Liz Moorehead:bad thing. We're not suddenly saying, we all need to be serious Sallys who never make a joke
Liz Moorehead:and, like, really, that's funny. Lordy. That's that's not what we're talking about here. What's actually interesting is that in this book, underneath the description, it talks about these things kind of in energies. Right?
Liz Moorehead:Like, this humorous jokester trickster energy, however you wanna think about it. Right? It talks about what does it look like when it is in balance, what it is like out of balance, and how to bring it back into balance if you're struggling with it. So it talks about that when you're in balance with this energy, you're still charming, you're witty, you're fun to be around. But when you're out of balance, you're scrappy, you're petty, you're suspicious.
Liz Moorehead:And then what I love is that it says to bring it into balance, sobriety. You can think about that in the most literal contexts in terms of, like, like, if you drink, if you do other things, or just a matter of, hey. Maybe I just need to take off the mask for a second and be really honest with myself about what is going on here. Because one of the things I've noticed particularly in the past month as we've tried to record this podcast. It it it's so funny.
Liz Moorehead:I'm starting to think about, like, there's a huge difference between how I would have answered these questions a month ago versus today. Because when I'm thinking about what makes it so freaking attractive is that it is so malleable. We are not always just the intelligent shielding against humiliation. We're not always just the cruel using it to insult others. It is something we can pull out and use at any time when some part of us is feeling under threat.
Liz Moorehead:Whether that is an external thing that is coming toward us or something that is an imagined boogeyman from deep things either, you know, in our past, in our childhood. And so recently, here's what I've realized. The other couple of things that have happened this month is I got really sick. I've never been a big drinker. I used to be a beer writer, but, like and I would I used to drink more probably socially when I was younger, but I was talking with my friend Kathleen Booth yesterday.
Liz Moorehead:We saw each other, and we both ordered nonalcoholic beers at the bar. And I said, yeah. I actually can't remember the last time I drank. I said, that's really funny.
George B. Thomas:Yeah. I just
Liz Moorehead:couldn't remember because I've been sick. I've been, like, running around all over the place. I don't really have a space in my studio to keep that kind of stuff. And I'm like, well, you know, maybe it's just good, you know. I'll I'll have it if I go out with friends.
Liz Moorehead:And I'm noticing now that over the past month, I have slowly been pulling away all the distractions.
George B. Thomas:So it's interesting because well, first of all, there's a couple things I wanna unpack. 1, as you were talking, I feel like the universe reached out and just smacked me across the face because I started this podcast with, like, 123. No. No. Hey.
George B. Thomas:We're gonna do it. When you were talking, I literally heard this, like, still small voice in the back of my head, and it said, see it wasn't no. It was wait. Yeah. Wait for the conversation.
George B. Thomas:It's brewing. It's percolating. It's not ready yet. But when it's ready, I'll let you pour a nice juicy cup of, like, humor as a shield. And if you pay attention to your goals, I'm still doing good stuff.
George B. Thomas:I'm still getting it ready. And I'm like, oh, okay. Like, I literally, like, got the tingles. Like, I didn't say no. I said wait.
George B. Thomas:The other thing too that I wanna go back to, Liz, is that okay. Earlier in the podcast, we talked about how you lost, like, 50 some pounds. Now in the podcast, we're talking about how you're basically detox in your body because you had they can't remember when you drank. So you've lost weight and you don't have the chemicals in your body that you historically had. Why do you think you can't sleep?
George B. Thomas:Because your body's like, we're doing all sorts of changes here. Things aren't firing the way that they used to. We have to pay attention to all those micros.
Liz Moorehead:Well, here's the other thing too though from a psychological perspective, this is where it gets fascinating. What would happen if you took your goal seriously? Sometimes the best way you can take your goal seriously is to not actively focus on them. I have been desperately seeking meaning, purpose, understanding, a level of self love that I don't think I've ever experienced. That has been my journey for the past 18 months or so and it has been equal parts excruciating and enlightening and just exhilarating.
Liz Moorehead:I love it. But if I think about this past month, it has really started to crystallize, like, Liz, you used to hide behind food as much as you hid behind humor. You drank, and that's fine. You know, like, it I'm not criminalizing that either. And your girl still loves a good bourbon.
Liz Moorehead:She's not gonna say no to like, you know what I mean? Like, they're it's one of those things, but all of a sudden and we even talked about this just at the start of this episode. I've stopped holding on as much. I'm not as, like, oh, it's gotta look like this. Oh, I have to be constantly busy.
Liz Moorehead:Like, I've stopped going to a coffee shop that I usually go
Liz Moorehead:to a lot Yeah.
Liz Moorehead:Because I feel really distracted. And all of a sudden, I have created a container from which, like, I'm only realizing this literally right now while we're recording this podcast. I have forced myself into a space where I can no longer hide.
George B. Thomas:Yes. Which is exciting is
Liz Moorehead:beep. It's makes me wanna vomit, but it's fine. It's fine.
George B. Thomas:Makes me joyous.
Liz Moorehead:Love it.
George B. Thomas:I think that that's where we reach the magical spaces is where when we remove all shadow of doubts of, like, this is an empty room, and there's nowhere to hide. And people can see me for who I am, and I have to see myself as who I am. And it makes me wanna go to, like, this conversation I have with, like, god eyes. I actively ask, like, please let me see myself with God eyes. Not my eyes, because I'm my worst enemy.
George B. Thomas:But let me see myself with God eyes, because then I'm probably gonna be able to make it through almost anything that the universe throws my way.
Liz Moorehead:This is so weird because I'm sitting here thinking about this question, and and and what we're talking about here is what would happen if you take your goal seriously? What would happen if you believed you were worthy of even setting goals? What would happen if you believed you were worthy of achieving them? You know, because a very dear friend of mine, I woke up yesterday morning. He had sent me at 4 AM a TikTok about golf.
Liz Moorehead:And in my head, I'm like, Dan, you delightful
Liz Moorehead:beautiful snowflake. I don't play golf. I went to a
Liz Moorehead:driving range, And so he sent me this thing and I'm watching him like, I don't understand anything of what And so he sent me this thing and I'm watching him, like, I don't understand anything of what is being said here. So I don't, like, watch it 15 times. I'm, like, googling, like, what is firing at the flag? What is pin high? Like, I have no idea what any of this means.
Liz Moorehead:It was Tiger Woods being asked what is one of the best pieces of advice he ever got. Oh. Hold on. I'll bring it up because I shared it with a friend because I was, like,
Liz Moorehead:my friend Dan just sent me this weird thing. I don't understand it.
Liz Moorehead:And then about a few minutes later, I'm, like, oh, this makes sense.
George B. Thomas:We're gonna make sure we put this in the show notes too.
Liz Moorehead:Oh, I will. So it's Tiger Woods being asked about the best piece of advice he ever got, and it's to not shoot haphazardly. You have to pick a spot, your spot. You define what that spot is. What's interesting is that spot is very rarely shooting directly at the hole.
Liz Moorehead:It may be to the left of it. It may be to the right of it, but you define what that spot is. Most people will just aim for the hole in golf and, like, shoot for the best, but you have to pick your spot. And then once you do, you go after it aggressively and without fear.
George B. Thomas:Damn.
Liz Moorehead:I know. So I wrote it back. I'm like, it took me 20 minutes to decipher this, but damn.
George B. Thomas:Yeah. Like, that's there you go.
Liz Moorehead:Dan, it's 4 AM. Are you okay?
George B. Thomas:Yeah. Right.
Liz Moorehead:What are the costs of such an approach? When you think about the true because we talk about, like, personal bank accounts, energetic bank accounts, emotional bank accounts. What is the cost that's coming out when we live this way?
George B. Thomas:Yeah. It's funny. My brain raced to, like, and it's been years now, which is crazy to say when you said, what would happen if you showed up as your authentic self. And so I I my brain rushed to that, and I was like, well, the first word that comes to mind is, like, in inauthentic. Like, you're just not able to be you, which is sad.
George B. Thomas:There's only one you on the planet. You are magically designed to, like, do something special, and you can't be you because you're letting humor actually control your life versus you diagnosing and controlling the humor. I think about the diversion and deflection that I mentioned earlier. Right? If you're deflecting and diverting, we're not showing our authentic selves.
George B. Thomas:We are literally hiding behind that shield or that mask that we've referenced of humor. When we do that, we end up creating a facade. We mask our true feelings. We hinder our genuine emotional expressions and, worse, our genuine connections with the humans around us, which then totally makes us feel alone and on an island by ourself. It totally destroys potential trust, liking, love on the other side of the relationships.
George B. Thomas:And I think this could be due to a couple of reasons or lead maybe to a couple of of issues. So get a piece of paper, get a box, write a box, check the box if any of these, like, make sense to you because we're gonna do, like, some good stuff. Well, we're gonna do some maybe harmful stuff and some good stuff. So first thing I want you to think about is emotional avoidance.
Liz Moorehead:Oh, come on, man.
George B. Thomas:Yeah, right to the jugular like using humor to deflect serious issues can prevent us as humans individuals, from addressing underlying problems, which leads to unresolved emotional distress. If you're living a life or trying to live a life beyond your default with unresolved emotional distress, it's like trying to climb a cliff with a Volkswagen bug strapped to your back. It is almost impossible to reach the top of that cliff and continue on the journey. We have to check that little box if that's something that we know we need to work on. We have humans around us at work, at home, wherever.
George B. Thomas:We go out, emails, calls, but it might lead human humor in the wrong way, might lead to relationship strain, excessive humor or inappropriate humor. Why is it that, like, 3 people just flooded into my brain when I said that? Anyway, inappropriate humor can harm relationships and reduce trust, especially when used to mock or belittle others. Liz, this is exactly what I was talking about when I said years as a sword, and I try not to do this anymore. Also, if we use humor too much as a shield, we can be misunderstood, leading to unintended, for sure, times when we offend people, or definitely, it can lead to the escalation of conflicts that we've had in our lives.
George B. Thomas:I can probably give you about a 1021 times where somebody in my life, many times my wife, many times my kids, sometimes my parents, I've tried to be humorous, and it just did not work, ladies and gentlemen. It went south and actually escalated the conflict. Oh, so you think it's a joke? Oh my gosh. Okay.
George B. Thomas:But to live a more full and authentic life, we have to become skilled at balancing humor with sincere emotional engagement. And, Liz, I love that you shared that quote because I was like, this is maybe one of the dopest quotes, and especially when it got to this part. Because, by the way, if somebody came up to you on the street and said, let me ask you, is your goal to be irresponsible? You'd be like, no. My goal is not to be irresponsible.
George B. Thomas:Irresponsible. That's just stupid. Why would you ask me that? Yet, think about this whole conversation today. The irresponsible use humor to escape from responsibility.
George B. Thomas:Are you using humor as an escape mechanism? I'll let that just sit there for a second for you. So, Liz, we'll talk about some good stuff here in a minute, but what are your thoughts on that?
Liz Moorehead:You know, you could always be cliche.
Liz Moorehead:It's a it's a life unlived.
Liz Moorehead:It's an in like, and we talked about this, like, an inauthentic life. It's not that I disagree with those things, but when I reread this question after having written it, it was interesting to me where my brain is going now, which is for a while there, the cost of answering that question was too great a cost because I was afraid of what I would find.
George B. Thomas:Damn.
Liz Moorehead:Because the one thing I don't think I've ever shared with you is that every single time you talk about the moment you had that conversation with me and I said, what would happen if you showed up as a whole assu human and it opened you up? Yeah. So when I asked myself that question, because that that's what happens afterward.
George B. Thomas:Right.
Liz Moorehead:I didn't know how to answer it Mhmm. Because I didn't know who I was. And so every time I watched you get empowered by that question and bring up that story, it was just this reminder of, and who the bleep are you? And so I avoided it for a very long time. Now to be clear, also, every time we talked about it, I was it was deeply fulfilling because that is my work.
Liz Moorehead:That is what I do. But often I find myself in situations where, you know, I spend half of my waking hours actually, the majority of my waking hours empowering people to be whole ass humans, to be whole ass versions of themselves. And I know it's like a joke, you know, don't versions of themselves. And I know it's like a joke,
Liz Moorehead:you know, those who can't do teach, those who can't play coach. Like, but like
Liz Moorehead:but, like, that's a deeply existential way to have a disconnect. You know? Like but when I think about it, like, the reason why I wanted to talk about this even though it made me deeply uncomfortable and the reason why I'm glad we're finally having this conversation is that the cost of answering this question is a lot. It's painful. You have to go to dark places in some cases and you also have to admit there's that sunken fallacy cost thing.
Liz Moorehead:Right? Like, we'll keep pouring energy and literal money into things even though we know they're bad for us just because we can't walk away. Like, we're already too invested. But then there are things, like, with me where it's, like, well, do you even know what a whole ass version of Liz is?
Liz Moorehead:But the
Liz Moorehead:thing is the actual cost of not doing this, the actual cost of not being willing to open this up is just what you said. It is that life unlived. It is wildly inauthentic. You will chase things that do not feed you because you have no internal compass with a true north that is set that helps you discern what is for you, what is not for you. You are chasing temporary highs versus lasting things.
Liz Moorehead:Are you entertaining or are you effective?
George B. Thomas:It's interesting you he mentioned cost. I want people to realize and you like, a sunken cost. But in the other way, I look at the cost as, like but it's an investment that you'll get returns on.
Liz Moorehead:Yeah. And I think that's a difference. Like, the cost of just continuing to wield humor as a shield, a tool, a weapon with no thought as to why you're here, you know, that is a cost. That is death by paper cut. That is something that will not literally kill you, but it will kill you.
Liz Moorehead:You will wake up one day looking in a mirror going, what am I doing? Who even am I? Like, a complete disassociation. But then the turnaround is, like, it is an investment to sit down and say, alright, guys. How did we get here?
Liz Moorehead:Who's walking this pony? The challenge this poses to us all is to question what would happen if we took our goal seriously. Right? Like, that's where this whole conversation began. So, George, the final question I have for you today is to you, what does taking your goal seriously look like in practice?
George B. Thomas:And I may be weird or this may be for, like, most of us humans. I think, actually, most of us humans probably look at this question. We'll look at this question differently. It really just does depend on the goal, and it depends on where you're at in your journey. But for me, there's some core concepts that I think all of us have to have in place if we take our goals seriously and truly try to build a life beyond our default.
George B. Thomas:The first one and by the way, I don't know if I had heard this. Listen. This is gonna be a little bit of an inside joke. I don't know if I had heard this pre 2012 in HubSpot Academy. K?
George B. Thomas:But I've heard it a metric butt ton in the years since. And that is this concept of clear planning, and the first time I heard smart goals.
Liz Moorehead:Oh my gosh.
George B. Thomas:Defining specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound goals. If you're like, oh, I'm not in the HubSpot Academy ecosystem, and, actually, I haven't really heard of SMART goals versus just setting my goals, then you'll probably wanna jot down specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound because that truly is a great framework for building great goals and create a detailed action plan with milestones versus I have a goal, and really what you have is a wish or a dream because there's totally different things. So clear planning would be the thing for me, like and you know, like, when I have a goal, there's usually a list of things that is coming around with that goal as well. The other piece, and some of us have issues with this, but you gotta be willing to commit. I did HubSpot so far for 12 years and HubSpot content for 10.
George B. Thomas:I'm very committed. I'll be married next year 24 years. And, again, some people have commitment issues, but you have to get real good at commitment. And what this looks like for me is, like, dedicated time and resources based on keeping me consistent and prioritizing tasks related to the goals, the smart goals that we just talked about above, making sure to watch out for distractions that are gonna come along the way. By the way, we could be the distraction.
George B. Thomas:Something external could be the distraction, but how do you stay committed with dedicated time and resources and prioritizing tasks and staying away from distractions. This is how you're gonna reach those smart goals. The other piece, and if you're in that world that Liz and I talked about earlier where it's, like, lonely or on an island by yourself, there's 2 parts to this. But the third thing I wanna mention, and it's been huge in my life, by the way, I've used Facebook Reels as this partner historically. When I first started taking my walks, I would do a Facebook Reel, and I would, like, put it down and, like, I'm out here because I wanted people to see that I was out there because it was my accountability partner.
George B. Thomas:What I mean by this is you have to track your progress regularly and adjust your strategies as needed and hold yourself accountable. But also you need to be looking for external accountability if you can. And that could be as easy as sharing your goals with a mentor or a support group or a friend. Or like I just said, I was sharing it with Facebook mess or Facebook Reels every time I'd go out my door and I'd start my walk and just be like I'd say a couple things around my brain and show my feet little feet going down the sidewalk. Like, this is the dumbest thing ever, but it's my accountability partner.
George B. Thomas:We've done a whole episode on this next one that I wanna hit, and that is like a growth mindset. But just in general, let's back up 50,000 foot and just talk about focus on growth. Like, if you're gonna reach those goals, you're gonna have to do something different to become what you've never become. I stole that quote. I don't remember who said it, but you're gonna have to to do those different things.
George B. Thomas:You're gonna have to embrace learning and development to put the new things in you to get the new results that push you to your goal. And so during that you educational process, you might seek feedback. You're gonna definitely acquire new skills, and you're gonna be able to adapt to the challenges that come along the way with those very specific measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound goals that you're actually trying to hit upon. And, Liz, before, like, beyond your default in general podcast
Liz Moorehead:Mhmm.
George B. Thomas:This one would have never showed up. But the other thing that I wanna mention as we kinda close this bad boy out is self care.
Liz Moorehead:My gosh. I'm so proud. I'm so proud. Yes. Yes.
Liz Moorehead:For those of you, if this is your first episode, go back to our self care episode in which we discussed George questioning whether we should even have the topic. So we've come a long way, baby.
George B. Thomas:Look. Maintaining a healthy work life balance and being able to sustain long term motivation and productivity is crucial and key. And the only way that you're gonna get that long term motivation, productivity, or long term life is if you don't burn that candle at both ends, if you don't break that candle into 17 pieces because you're just like, whatever. So you definitely have to have self care for yourself during the journey of trying to actually achieve those goals that you are taking seriously. And listen.
George B. Thomas:I wanna circle back around and just say using humor as a shield or weapon can negatively impact our goals by serving as a distraction, diverting our attention from serious tasks, and undermining the focus needed for the achievements that we're trying to get to. It can using it, humor, can lead to avoidance where individuals rely on humor to cope with stress or conflict. This presents us from addressing underlying issues and results in I have had historically problems with this word, by the way. Procrastination. Anybody else?
George B. Thomas:Just me? No. In nah. Never. Inappropriate humor can strain professional and personal relationships reducing the support network crucial for achieving the goals that you're now taking seriously.
George B. Thomas:And overuse of humor, particularly in professional settings, can harm one's credibility and hinder opportunities. My grandpa used to say this thing, and I love it because it fits in here, but also it just is a good life advice. It's better to be quiet and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt. And so, like, being careful of what you say and how you say it, especially around humor and understanding that could be a direct line of your credibility or hindering it and the opportunities or advancements or collaboration that you may have in the future. On the flip side, though, let's end on a positive note.
George B. Thomas:Humor can significantly aid in achieving the goals by providing emotional relief and reducing the stress along the journey, which enhances focus and productivity. Humor helps create a positive mindset, making it easier to tackle challenges and setbacks with resilience. Humor also strengthens social bonds, improving collaboration and support from colleagues and peers, friends and family. And appropriate humor can enhance team dynamics and create a more enjoyable work environment in professional settings, boosting overall morale and motivation of you and the team. So by maintaining a balanced use of humor versus always shield or always sword or whatever version of this for you works.
George B. Thomas:You can create an atmosphere conducive to achieving those goals that you're now actually believing that you can achieve and dare I add effectively living a life beyond your default.