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About Matters that should Matter to Men
Let's talk about being stoic, both at work and in life. I remember once observing a monk's even as this mountain goat casually went about stealing his lunch. You know what the kicker is? He noticed it too. But he didn't flinch.
Arvind Vijay Mohan:He didn't get angry. He did not shoo the goat away as many of us would instinctively have tried. In fact, did the opposite. He smiled, tore another piece of bread, and he offered that as well to the goat. What I realized was that he wasn't being casual out of some plain indifference.
Arvind Vijay Mohan:He was being casual out of what I refer to as poised consideration. I was witnessing a master class of stoicism with soul. Now stoicism is often read as the absence of feeling. It's not. It's actually the art of choosing your feelings wisely.
Arvind Vijay Mohan:It's the discipline of not feeling with every feeling. It's not detachment, but discernment. Now most of us Indians have been raised on this rich kittari of the Gita, Ghazals, and government inefficiency. And this diet has but naturally made us all natural philosophers. A uniquely fine balance of meets karm yogi.
Arvind Vijay Mohan:This often results in this instinctive confusion that we all have, that you're reading emotional inaccessibility as stoicism. They're actually quite removed from one another. One suppresses, the other sublimates. And in understanding this difference rests our answer. Stoicism isn't about being unfeeling.
Arvind Vijay Mohan:It's about being unshaken. Time for a quick history dive. Stoicism was born in the chaos of ancient Athens. It was tempered in the fire of Roman politics and it was designed for men who were about to enter the arena. In the modern context, that's precisely what a modern workplace is.
Arvind Vijay Mohan:Right? A gladiatorial pit for daily duels between ego, expectation, and that inescapable tidal wave of calendar invites. A grand amphitheater where the contemporary corporatized gentlemen will very easily seem to navigate between boardrooms and balance sheets and belly filtered slack exchanges. In such a setting, stoicism can offer more than mere serenity. It's actually the golden ticket.
Arvind Vijay Mohan:It can offer him the sword of strategy. Being stoic at work, as it would be at home or play, is not about emotional unavailability. It's not about being cold. It's about composure. And for every professional who's tuned into stoicism, this composure is not an inherently present personality trait.
Arvind Vijay Mohan:It's not something that we are born with. It's a skill that every modern gentleman, every effective leader would work willingly to master. And this mastery will eventually reveal an extremely fine human being, one who remains grounded in chaos, grounded without becoming granite, composed but not cold or calcified, stoic but also human, curious and always wonderfully warm. Now we all will have to face trying moments at some point in our life. Right?
Arvind Vijay Mohan:There'll be breakups, there'll be business setbacks, there'll be delayed biryanis. Moments when feelings will attempt to hijack reason and very often will. These are moments when our inner stoic needs to step up. And this inner stoic remembers the fine line that separates calm leadership from emotional frostbite. True gravitas can never be frigid.
Arvind Vijay Mohan:So how does one remain stoic without becoming cold? For starters, pause. Don't freeze. Take a breath, but don't go all Siberian. Respond honestly with your face.
Arvind Vijay Mohan:Your eyes can emote when your words stay measured. Right? Try that. That's very powerful. Speak gently, especially when you have to be firm.
Arvind Vijay Mohan:Feel everything, but display selectively. So is being stoic the way? Yes. Absolutely. Be stoic, but keep your emotional windows open at all times.
Arvind Vijay Mohan:Let that light filter in and fill your being. And also, if a goat ever tries to steal your lunch, let it. But you keep that butter tea for yourself.