We Are More: Sisters Talk Faith & Feminism

In this episode, we’re taking on the Christian singles scene and its marriage-or-bust mentality. Bri is sharing her experience of what it’s like to be single in the church, where the pressure to find a husband can make you feel like a second-class citizen on Sundays. We’re pulling apart the tired idea that marriage is a woman’s highest calling and talking about why churches need to stop treating single people like they're a problem to be fixed. If you’re single in the church and tired of the pressure to pair up, this one’s for you!

What is We Are More: Sisters Talk Faith & Feminism?

We are Alyssa and Bri, two sisters who believe God wants more for women than we've been taught. Join us as we dive into the intersection of faith and feminism, learning together as we go.

Welcome to the We Are More podcast.

My name is Alyssa.

And my name is Bri.

We are two sisters passionate about all things faith and feminism.

We believe that Jesus trusted, respected, and encouraged women to teach and preach His

word.

And apparently that's controversial.

Get comfy.

Hello.

Welcome to our ASMR.

No.

People are going to think that's really what we're doing.

No.

Stop.

You're throwing off my groove.

People love ASMR.

They do, but that's not why they come here.

Welcome.

Welcome, one and all.

Stop it.

We're not doing that.

Unless that's our new- ooh, we could record a new intro song.

It's just us doing that.

And then the end has to be, God made you special.

And He loves you very much.

It's just going to be a combination of my kindergarten graduation and a Veggie Tales.

That sounds logical.

It's essentially what every episode is.

Pretty much.

I think the last episode as I was editing it, we tried to end on God made you special

and He loves you very much, and I edited it out because I was like, I can't do this again.

Good.

I think, so we recorded yesterday too.

We're going to be talking all week long.

We're trying to prep.

We're going to Disney in a few weeks, and so we're trying to advance record so that

we can power edit and get everything done before we go.

But I just got frustrated.

Yesterday at the end of the day I was hot and tired and I just turned it off.

I said, we're done, goodbye.

She did.

I could do that now too, but I won't because I love you.

Also, we're only a minute and a half in.

That's a good amount.

I'm not 100% sure Spotify would even let us upload this.

It's just a song.

I could sing.

I listen to our intro song every day of my life.

I haven't listened to it in a long time.

Every day of my life.

I probably would have forgotten what it was.

Because I have to plug it in and then when I'm editing I have to listen to it again and

then when I upload I usually listen to it again and then I listen to it and it comes

out.

We can make a TikTok dance to our intro song and then we could be famous.

I don't think we would.

I know you wanted to be a ballet teacher, but neither of us are skilled in dance.

And honestly, I fall so often.

I am not graceful.

That's really a family trait.

We do not have the most graceful family.

We all have two smaller feet.

We can't stay stable.

My daughter, she is in five dance classes this year I think.

Five is a lot.

And everywhere she goes she's like choreographing a dance.

It's not just like bopping to the music or whatever.

She's got music in her heart.

She does.

It's in her soul.

It's her heart song.

What's that from?

Heart song?

It's a penguin movie.

Oh.

It was like a super inappropriate.

Pebble?

Oh, Happy Feet.

Happy Feet.

Thank you.

Oh, I was thinking of the other one.

Pebble and the Penguin or something.

Pebble and the Penguin, yeah.

I remember that.

That was a depressing movie.

The movies back then were like Once Upon a Forest.

Yes.

Traumatizing.

And we tried to turn on The Great Mouse Detective the other day and we got about three seconds

in before my daughter screams and runs out of the room because it's terrifying.

But it was like my favorite movies again.

We were dark children it turned out.

Did you hear that they're making, I'm doing air quotes, you can't see them, but I'm doing

them, a live action Mufasa movie?

Yeah, I've known about that for a while.

Okay.

Is that something we needed?

No.

No one ever asked for that.

And no one liked the- okay, I'm sorry if you did out there, but did anybody like the remake

of The Lion King?

It was just The Lion King, but with different animation.

And also with animals that had no emotion.

And Zazu looked silly.

He did look silly.

Umba looked silly.

And I didn't like it.

I just feel like until they can figure out how to make the hyper realistic animation

style animals have emotion, maybe we just stop.

Maybe we just back it up.

Like The Little Mermaid, Flounder.

Are you kidding me?

He was not great.

He was no Flounder.

No.

I loved her voice though, but Flounder terrified me.

And Scuttle.

Scuttle, they changed what kind of bird it was.

I don't remember what they changed it to, but they did change it.

Yeah, Scuttle was no longer a seagull.

Because it was the bird that can dive under the water.

Yeah, and stay down for a long time.

Yeah.

Like that dog in the park.

Oh yeah.

There's a dog that is in the park, close to where we live.

That's so descriptive.

Thank you, Breanna.

This guy sits on the bench and he tells his dog to go out into the river and catch rocks.

The dog sticks his head completely under the water for like a long time and comes back

up with a massive rock in his mouth.

He's like a boulder.

He's like, look at me go.

And then he just gets another one.

Yeah, it's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.

So today on Weird.

Anyways, today is gonna- ooh, we should title this Breanna's Therapy.

All right, I'll remember that.

Because today we're talking about singleness.

Hooray!

You ended the last episode- we recorded a little bit out of order, so it'll actually

be the next episode for you guys, but we recorded it last night.

And you ended it by saying we talked about singleness and you're like, ooh, that feels

like a dirty word.

And I feel like that just kind of prompts the whole episode.

Yeah, it speaks volumes.

Well, just jumping right into it.

When especially in the Christian community, they hear that someone is single, they assume

that there's something wrong with them or that they need to be fixed.

There's a problem that needs to be fixed.

So you got your grandma's, your mother's, and Betty from the coffee station, they're

all setting you up.

Oh, Betty.

They're all setting you up on dates with the UPS delivery driver, with the guy that

they met at the grocery store, and maybe their grandson's friend from his Bible study.

Oh my.

I literally feel like lions and tigers and bears.

Because you feel like, what's wrong with me?

Because people- now I want to go at this subject very gently with a lot of kindness because

I know that for the most part people's intentions are good.

But they ask you a lot of weirdly personal and uncomfortable questions.

Like, you're so pretty, how are you still single?

And I think I made a TikTok about that.

I think you did.

I don't know if people know that that's a little bit offensive.

What's wrong with you that you're still single?

It can't be your looks, it must be your personality.

I'm insane and I murder!

Well, we can't put that part on TikTok.

No, I'll probably get flagged.

Probably.

But yeah, people just- a lot of times they don't necessarily vocalize it, but the underlying

feeling is what's wrong with you?

And then if it gets asked that many times, you start to think, what's wrong with me?

And here's where we get into our therapy.

Ah, good.

I have at least two college classes worth of training for this.

Good.

I have a lot of art classes behind me.

Too many ceramics classes.

But yeah, when you are asked those questions constantly, people don't realize that they

may be hitting at something that's uncomfortable for you.

And not just me, but people in general, maybe there's something about you that you're uncomfortable

with.

Or maybe you've been hurt by people in your past.

Maybe it's women who have gone through divorces, or men that have gone through divorces, or

maybe someone's died, or maybe they just have trauma in their past that they struggle with

relationships or being single, and now you're opening that can of worms with them.

Oftentimes I think without having a relationship behind it.

Exactly.

And to me, I'm relating to this on a very just knowing you level, but because you've

been married a really long time.

And even before you were married, you were not single.

Not often.

You're like my mother.

Yeah, but our mother dated a billion different guys.

I think I had like four boyfriends, not a lot.

I think our mother has been in a relationship with someone since she was in the womb.

Her first boyfriend was like preschool?

I think she popped out of grandma and was like, ah, a male nurse!

But I think that speaks to not just our family, but Christian culture as a whole, is that's

the expectation, is that the girls are going to be boy crazy from moment one, and that

has to be your whole focus until you get married at the ripe old age of 18.

It's moved a little bit from that, you're seeing people get married a little bit older,

but it's still relatively very young.

And I think not in the Christian sphere necessarily, there's this view of empowerment with the

idea of being single, but specifically in the church, it feels like it's a dirty word

to be single.

I remember being in church one time and the pastor from the pulpit was like, all the single

people raise their hands!

See there's no need for dating apps, they're all right here, get together!

That's so gross.

And it's like, that's not why I'm in church!

That is not why I'm sitting here, I want to build my relationship with Jesus, not with

my neighbor.

And I don't want to shake their hand!

I hate shaking hands.

I hate it!

That's the one good thing from COVID, they stopped doing that most places.

Not all churches.

Not that one church I was at, gosh dang it.

I saw a thing online, it was just like a repost of a repost, and someone had told this girl,

well boys don't like to see you show up to class every day in sweats, so you should dress

up a little bit nicer, and her response was, well conveniently I am not paying $40,000

a year so that Bill from chemistry can have something cute to look at.

I saw, get ready guys, I saw this TikTok.

It was so funny, I'll have to repost it on our account.

This girl is just like, the issue that men are going to have with women now is that they're

competing with me, because I enjoy my own company enough that now you're not in competition

with other men, you're in competition with me.

Can you make me want to spend more time with you than I want to spend with myself?

Well I think that's so valid.

Are you bringing enough into my world that it's worth me giving up, and I'm saying this

from your perspective, but giving up the freedoms that you have, the ability to, if your work

says, hey we're going to Florida next week, up and go.

And I have done that, it's fun.

If you want to spend $100 on skincare, you don't need, whoa, hey, I feel under attack.

We've talked about this at least three times.

But I think there was a time when for women, I don't want to say had to, but in a lot of

ways, you kind of had to find a man for financial stability, just to survive out in the wild.

I mean realistically, up until semi-recent history, I mean you look at like the 1950s,

1960s, it would have been tough for a woman to have a job that was fully supporting her.

And getting her a house, and getting her whatever it was that she needed.

And now we are at this place where you don't need a partner, so the question becomes do

you want a partner, and the further question becomes do I want you as a partner?

Because there's also this other trend going around right now where it's like when you

go on a date with a guy, guys aren't asking questions.

The girls are spending all this time asking about your job, about your family, about your

aspirations, about so much about you just to keep the conversation going, but it's completely

a one-sided conversation.

So by the end of the date, the guy thinks it went great because he got to talk about

himself for an hour and a half, but the girl leaves feeling like, wow, I'm drained and

that was not great for him.

And there was a time where it would have been like, well, that's just what marriage is and

you just have to accept that that's how men are and whatever.

But you don't have to.

You don't have to.

And I think it's more empowering to say I'm going to wait until I find that good person.

Maybe people are going to be like, oh, your expectations are too high.

Oh no.

No, they're not.

In fact, I'm going to raise them a little bit higher.

If you're looking for a lifelong partner, it's tough to live in the same space with

somebody to sleep in the same bed with somebody or anything.

If you're looking for that, we have talked about way worse on this podcast.

If you're looking for that, be so picky.

It's insane.

One of the things on my notes is if I wanted to, I would.

Well, you've had like two proposals basically in the last couple of years.

If I wanted to be married right now, I could absolutely go on one of the dating apps or

contact one of my exes.

They were ready to marry you at that moment.

I'm just really great.

I don't know what to tell you.

There's so much pressure from the Christian community.

And I noticed my own therapy, looking back through my life, the reason that I'm on the

dating apps or the reason that I'm going out on these dates with people who really, I don't

even really care to be around is because of this societal pressure.

There's something wrong with you and you need to be fixed.

And I noticed when I was in these relationships, air quotes, people seemed more comfortable

around me, I would say.

They felt like, okay, now we can talk to her about this stuff.

And I have something to communicate with her and relate to her about rather than how about

me?

Am I enough?

If she's talking to me about my interests or the things that I aspire to do or my job

or whatever it is, that's upsetting.

It feels icky.

I'm not enough.

And it keeps going back to that question, am I enough?

Am just me enough?

But God says that we are.

Jesus was single.

Wasn't it Paul that said it's better to be single?

I have it written down.

Don't worry.

Let's go.

So, 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verse 7, he says, I wish that all of you were as I am, but

each of you has your own gifts from God.

One has this gift and other has not.

And then he goes on to say, now to the unmarried and the widows, I say, it is good for them

to stay unmarried as I do.

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry for it is better to marry than

to burn with passion.

Paul cracks me up.

I know.

There is nothing wrong with being single.

There's nothing wrong with being married because each individual has their own calling.

And I think that we've really screwed it up in the church.

We've made it kind of a hostile environment for single people.

I have not felt comfortable in a church in I don't know how long.

Because every women's Bible study is geared towards women with children or sermons are

given about being married and the relationship of a married couple.

If we're talking about single people at all, it is to fix them.

It is to fix them up with someone.

It's not saying, hey, you have your own calling.

That's great.

Right.

I don't think that I was as aware of that as I should have been until we started talking

about this stuff.

Because they've been married for a really long time and it's hard to get out of your

own situation.

And once we started talking about that, about your discomfort in church and about how they

never talked to you and things like that, I started paying more attention.

And my gosh, the amount of sermons for married people, parents, which is a different issue,

but a similar issue.

And you never, never, ever, ever, ever hear them speak to single people.

Even in a side note, much less a full sermon, but you will absolutely hear a full sermon

for husbands or for wives or whatever.

And I hope that that's what these episodes can do for you guys is to give you a different

perspective depending on whether you are single or married.

Or feel a sense of community.

Yeah, absolutely.

I saw a TikTok.

I don't know if this guy has a podcast or what, but I did repost it on our TikTok so

you can go look it up.

He said, God cares so much more about you than he does about marriage.

Because Jesus didn't die on the cross for marriage.

He died on the cross for you.

And he cares so much more about you.

And I thought that was so empowering.

Even if you are in a marriage, God cares about you individually.

And he cares about your husband or wife individually.

More than he cares about the relationship between the two of you.

Exactly.

And not that he does not care about your marriage, but he cares so much more about you and your

relationship with him.

And the path that he's laid out for you, whoever you are.

I wonder, so when you read that verse, the thing that-

Yes, I can read.

So proud.

That's what stood out to me.

And I can read.

Well.

One of the things that stood out to me was the first part where Paul says, I wish you

were all as I am.

And I think that we talked at the beginning of, we want to be careful not to blame anybody

for how they may talk.

Maybe we want to blame them a little bit.

I want to be a little bit kind.

But I think that's where most people come from in most situations.

Not even just this one.

When you talk to anybody, it's like, I wish you were a clone of me because then I would

just know exactly what to say to you.

Now, first of all, a clone of me would be very annoying and I would not enjoy that.

I totally agree.

But I think people who have been happy and fulfilled in their marriages think in their

heads, and I hope I'm saying this properly because I'm not really defending the behavior,

but I think in their heads they're like, this made me happy and fulfilled me, therefore

it must make you happy and fulfill you.

And we forget that God did not make us all the same way.

He did not make us all to be fulfilled in the same way.

Marriage might be one person's path to happiness.

It might not be in others.

It might be one person's path to misery.

And it's not something that you have to absolutely decide right now.

For me, I am years old and I'm still not sure.

I don't know if that's something that would make me happy or make me sad.

I think it depends on if I happen to find the right person and decide to take a husband.

But I'm not sure yet.

I'm really trying to focus right now on finding my contentment in God instead of finding it

in a person, another person, which I wish that we could tell to everybody, married

or not, find your contentment in God because that's going to fulfill your life so much

more.

I hate the phrase and even from a married perspective, people say this all the time,

he's my other half.

He's my better half.

He completes me.

I hate that because you need to be, in order to have a healthy marriage, you need to be

a whole person all on your own.

You need to strive to find what God wants for you all on your own, with or without the

spouse.

And so if you're only half a person and your spouse is, I guess, the other half of that

complete person, you're both a mess.

You're bleeding, like organs are falling out.

It's messy.

Be a whole person, please.

Isaiah 41 10, if you're looking for something to drive home your point even further, says,

fear not, I am with you.

Be not dismayed for I am your God.

I will strengthen you.

I will help you.

I will uphold your righteousness.

And then it goes dot dot dot because I just Googled it and I only see half the verse.

But God should be the one completing you.

It should not be a human person.

Well, notice that that verse does not say, and God will be there for your marriage and

God will be there for both of you.

God didn't necessarily intend for everybody to pair up.

Because if he had, Jesus would have had a spouse.

Yep.

Because he is our example.

That is, we say WWJD.

What would Jesus do?

Is that a thing people still say?

Oh, they wear it on their bracelets.

Do they still wear those bracelets?

I don't know.

I have a playlist on my phone called WWJD.

You also have a playlist called Not For Mom.

Yeah.

I also made one yesterday called The Plane, The Plane that I'm gonna listen to on the

plane.

But he's who we should be looking at to model our life after.

And so maybe everybody should be single.

I don't know if we want to go all the way there.

I think the point is, you do, you argue me.

I'm kidding.

Thank you.

I think that a fear that people have in regards to singleness is that they don't want to die

alone.

At least that's gone through my head like, well, do I want to be married right now?

No, not really.

But do I want to die alone?

No.

But I think we need to rethink what alone really means.

Because if I look at my life, I'm surrounded by people that love me because I'm really

great.

I have a huge family that I assume loves me.

Maybe not after this.

Maybe not.

Sorry.

A little less.

And I have friends around me and I want to surround other people with love.

And I feel like that's not alone.

You might not be romantically involved with someone, but that doesn't mean that you're

any less worthy of love.

I think the concept of romantic love being the be all end all is very strange.

Just because people are horny little devils.

Thank you.

Mom is not gonna like that.

Sorry, mom.

That's definitely a huge part of it.

But at the end of the day, romantic relationships can be great.

Not saying anything against them.

I have a great husband.

But they're not the be all end all of your life.

Because anything could happen.

Let's say you have the best marriage in the whole world.

Your spouse could die.

Your spouse could do something terrible.

Your spouse could divorce you.

There are a million options where even if you get married, you still could die without

a romantic partner.

I don't want to say alone because you have a choice with your community, but you could

die without a romantic partner.

One with the other.

They could die before you.

Our greatest calling as a group of Christ followers is to bring other people to Christ.

To glorify the kingdom of God.

Our number one calling is not get married have babies.

Yep.

Yeah.

Thanks, Butker.

And yet, like that is if an alien race were to come down and go to 20 church services.

Aliens are real.

I'm convinced.

And take a survey of what was talked about in these church services.

I absolutely guarantee you that the conclusion behind those 10 church services without reading

the Bible, whatever, just from church would be Christians are required to get married.

I guarantee it.

That's how it feels.

Like it's a requirement to be part of the faith.

Like you don't get to walk in the door.

Poor Paul.

He didn't know.

He wrote half the Bible.

He did.

He really did.

Another major overarching theme, I would say to singleness is that your life doesn't begin

until you find that other person.

Yeah.

And I have spent so much of my life being like, I'm just waiting for my life to begin.

Like when you're a kid, you're like, sing the song.

When will my life cut that up?

When you're a kid, you're like, oh, if I could just get into high school, I'll have some

freedom.

And then when you're in high school, you're like, I just need to get away from my parents.

I need to go to college so I can have some freedom.

And then my life will really start.

And then you get out of college and you're like, I just need to find my partner.

Because the world is telling you that you need to find that completeness in a partner

and that right now you're living a half life.

Right.

Well, you're over 50% of a person.

Constantly.

Your whole life is just sitting, waiting, wishing.

And I think we need to change that perspective for people.

I think we need to tell them your life has begun, baby girl, whether you like it or not.

And you get to make what you want of it.

Right.

So start doing what you want to do.

If that is finding a romantic partner, go find one.

They're easy to find.

I asked you this the other day too, and I think it's applicable to a lot of Christian

women when you are in college as a Christian woman, especially if you go to a Christian

college.

It is all about marriage.

And I know we've talked about this before, but marriage is pushed, pushed, pushed.

And you'll have people asking you if you've gotten your MRS degree yet.

Yes, I have been asked that.

And then I'm going to say Christian women in particular, and this is not every single

Christian woman, but I think that this is a problem that we face as a group, is that

you're almost encouraged not to really worry that much about what major you have in college

because you're probably not going to work that much anyway.

You're just going to get married and be a stay at home mom.

And you really don't have to worry about your career that much.

Just get a job that'll hold you over until you find a man.

Until you start your real life.

So was that something that you felt dealt with?

Absolutely.

Yeah, I was asked, did you get that MRS degree yet?

What's the point of you going to that college anyways?

Direct quote.

No hate, no shame, trying to be gentle.

It's going really well.

But yeah, if you didn't know this, I have a degree in art.

They really hadn't caught on to that.

And part of it was just, I was told just get a degree.

Just get a degree and then you can get whatever job you want, blah blah blah.

But I think so many women, especially Christian women, don't anticipate using that degree

at all because the idea of marriage is so pushed.

And I definitely experienced that.

And shocker, I'm not married right now.

So it's going really well for me.

Well, even our mom, again, just pretty boy crazy.

So sorry mom.

That could be another level of the TikTok that we post.

We're going to compile all the times we say sorry mom.

And then when we have to say so sorry mom, that's a different one.

That's a whole different level.

I'm so sorry.

But she started college and this was a different generation, so different time.

But she started college assuming that she wouldn't finish.

And so she just picked a major.

Whatever I can't remember exactly how she chose it.

There's a funny story behind it.

For me, it was just I had the most credits in art.

And I was like, I need to get my butt out of the school.

How can I get it out?

How can I get out as soon as I possibly can?

We were also spending the most money anyone could spend on college.

I'm really hoping this podcast makes us just good jillionaires because I'll pay off my

student loans.

I'm pretty sure that we picked the most popular topic to make money on.

Christian feminism.

People love that.

Yeah, they really do.

Some people love that.

And who does?

Our bestie Beth.

Actually, so this is totally a side topic, but we've talked about Beth Alison Barr seven

billion times at this point.

I know, she is our bestie.

And she wrote a book called The Making of Biblical Womanhood.

And it's all about how the concept of the modern Christian ideal woman, the tame traditional

housewife, etc, etc, came about historically and how it really was not ever biblical or

ever happening even in Jesus's time, how we created it.

So just phenomenal book.

I posted a quote today on our Instagram permit.

Yeah, you did.

But she is coming out with another book.

She just announced it.

It's not out until March.

So that's a bit of a bummer.

Can we preorder it?

We can preorder it, but it won't come to us till March.

Piss, piss, piss.

But if you are interested, it's called Becoming the Pastor's Wife, How Marriage Replaced Ordination

as the Woman's Path to Ministry.

And once that comes out, I'm gonna do 12 whole episodes on that book, I swear.

I think it really plays into the singleness aspect here.

Because in The Making of Biblical Womanhood, she talks about how back in the medieval type

era, because that's her specialty, single women were considered closer to God in a way.

They were more likely to be taken seriously in the churches.

They were more likely to be given responsibilities by the churches, to be able to teach and preach.

Because they hadn't done the deed.

Yeah.

And that really, that's what it boils down to.

Which is not, I'm not holding this up as a shining example or anything.

It's still stupid.

But it's so interesting that we've moved from singleness was a woman's greatest calling

or most ability to serve God.

And we've moved to now, like she says, becoming a pastor's wife, where for a woman, the closest

you can get to serving God in so many Christian circles is marriage.

How isolating does that feel to someone who's not married, who doesn't have children?

How do you feel like you can be close to God?

You feel like something's wrong with you.

You look at your churches and it's almost strange.

If you were to walk in and just scan the room, it's almost strange to see someone sitting

by themselves.

And not because, oh, churches are such wonderful, friendly places and people just all love to

sit together.

That's not it.

They're not all wonderful, friendly places.

Trust us.

It's that people have paired off and they're dating and or married and the single people

have left.

Yup.

Because they didn't find a welcome home there.

I haven't.

For example, I know that we've talked about this before, but Alys and I attended this

church for a blip the same amount of time, really.

I was there, you and Nathan and the kids were there and all the people really flocked to

you guys because you're a young family and that's what they want.

They want the young blood.

That was scary.

And they invited you to lunches and dinners and they made an effort to remember your name.

And I had been going there the same amount of time.

You were sitting next to me.

It's not like you were alone on the other side of the room in a corner.

Not only did people not bother to know my name, they confused me with you.

I had several people come up to me and be like, oh, where's your husband?

I'm like, that's literally not me.

I know that we look alike, but that's my sister.

We do look alike.

And it's like, I didn't even know you existed.

That's how it feels.

And that's just time after time how it feels to be a single person in church is just invisible

or a problem.

I mean, yes, we do look a lot alike, but it's not like we had been there a week.

We had been there months and at that point we don't look that much alike.

We're not twins over here.

No, I'm two inches taller.

And she looks a significant amount older.

So watch your mouth.

I'm gorgeous.

Gorgeous and elderly.

I know.

I feel elderly.

That's why I spend a hundred dollars on skincare.

Well, it's good skincare, if that's helpful.

And because you're single, you have the freedom to do that because you don't have as many

bills.

You don't have to feed a boy.

They're expensive to feed.

They're really annoying.

They eat a lot of stuff.

So Christian people are so about pushing marriage and pairing you up.

However, people are meeting these days on apps and on whatever.

That's not how you're supposed to do it.

I feel like that's what comes from Christians is-

You can go on Christian Mingle.

And that's your only option.

I think there's like a up something app that's more geared towards Christian people.

I forget what it's called, like Upwards or something.

But the people on there are not any better.

I was in a Bible study a few years ago and it was me and a bunch of divorces.

You've referenced this many times.

If they're listening, they know who they are.

And one of the girls was on that Up Whatever app.

And she's like, honestly, the people that I'm finding on there are not any better.

They're more inappropriate and there's more scammers on there.

There are a lot of scammers on those.

They're known for it.

Because you're praying on the people who want to pray.

I think it's because the assumption at least is these people are desperate to get married.

As opposed to maybe-

Or they're just desperate.

Or maybe another app that's not geared toward Christians would be more like dates, hookups,

whatever it is.

So they're not necessarily looking for long term marriage.

I think we could do a whole other episode on that, the dating culture of the Christian

community and how personally I believe it's super toxic.

Well I think particularly for someone like either of us, where we have very strong feminist

opinions, stereotypically, I think, I think, I've not been on the Christian dating apps,

okay?

But-

Neither have I.

But stereotypically, and you've said you tend to avoid profiles that talk about their faith

because of this, because they tend to be more misogynistic.

They want, and they will be very vocal about wanting that trad wife type woman.

And I don't know if you all have noticed this, but neither of us is that.

I like that we look at the computer like, hey guys, did you know?

They can see us, I swear.

Someday, someday we'll film this so that you can see our faces.

But very expressive.

That's why I need the skincare.

Brie, you'll see how elderly she looks.

I do have several gray hair.

But talk about avoiding those profiles and why that's been.

I do.

I avoid, when I do decide to jump back on the dating apps about every month or so, not

every month, every other month, you scroll through the profiles and there's like prompts

on get to know this person, and every time I see someone who mentions I'm at church every

Sunday and football and dinner, and it's just every time those people that I talk to are

the worst.

And more often than not, they're very inappropriate too.

And I don't necessarily have a reason of why that is, but just from experience, it's not

good.

To choke there briefly.

It's not good.

It's not good for me.

It's hard.

And like again, I feel like I'm just on these apps because of this societal pressure or

that's why I'm not very good at them, maybe, because I don't have a lot of motivation to

stay on there.

I think that one of the main things that people need to hear from this, and you can correct

me if I'm wrong, but-

I will.

Okay.

Is that not just you, but single people in general are not on a perpetual hunt for a

partner.

Some of them might be, but not all of them are.

And you, as Brianna, as a single person, are content and that's okay.

I'm a really great time.

I'm good company sometimes, but I think we should be really encouraging the people in

our lives, especially the women, to find their contentment in God.

So rather than the first question you ask me after not seeing me for a while being like,

have you found anyone yet?

Are you dating?

Are you in want of a husband?

Maybe ask me something different.

Maybe ask me- and I am trying to be very gentle and kind because I appreciate that people

care about me and want to see me happy.

But maybe my happiness doesn't lie just in another person.

Maybe ask me, how's my relationship with God going?

Or have you had any luck in church lately?

It just feels really isolating.

I hope that through this podcast we're able to make someone feel a little less alone,

a little more heard, a little more understood.

I remember my friend got married and I was one of her bridesmaids and all of the other

bridesmaids that I was standing up with, she was announcing us and being like, oh, and

this person's been married to this person and this person's married with this person.

She said, Embry is just rocking out her best single life and she had no judgment, nothing

about it.

She was happy and proud of me for being single.

And that was so- because I was so anxious about it when she was saying that.

I was like, bleh!

Yeah, I felt anxious when you started saying that.

I know.

But no judgment.

No, like, oh, she should be with someone.

No, she's living her best single life.

I'm picturing that same scenario happening at the countless other weddings we've been

in and at.

And I imagine if that happened at those other weddings, them saying something like, and

she's single, boys!

She's on the market!

And that's something that I would do to myself and I have done to myself just to break the

tension of it.

But that's the issue is that there is tension.

Why is there tension to begin with?

Because single is a dirty word in the Christian community.

And there's always this deep breath when people mention being single.

I think one of the hard things to- and I'll probably talk about this a little bit more

in the episode where we talk about being married in the church.

But again, because we have this podcast, there's this perception that strong women are intimidating

to men.

Now I know that's not true of every man and I hope it's not true of most.

I don't know.

I've been told that before.

Well, you're just really intimidating.

Like, it's a bad thing.

I've been told I'm too much.

Yeah.

You're not too much.

You're not intimidating.

You are who you are.

And if someone can't deal with that, then they are not worth having in your life.

Oh, I love that.

Sing it to the people.

A bad marriage is not better than being single.

I have seen so many instances of this.

A bad marriage is not better than being single and finding contentment in yourself and God.

Because God cares about you as an individual more than your marriage.

Right.

Really let that sink in, ladies and germs.

God made you special.

Stop it.

We can't.

People are going to start calling us Bob and Larry.

What are the girls in Veggie Tales?

You want to be Bob or Larry?

I want to be Bob.

Okay, you can be Bob.

And you can be Barbara Manatee.

All right, I'll be a manatee.

That feels reasonable to me.

I've always said that about you.

Okay, guys, so next week we are talking about the woman at the well.

We're talking about the woman at the well.

We already recorded that, you idiot.

We didn't record that already.

But that'll be coming out next week.

I think we've kind of...

Next week is supposed to be a mini episode, but here's the deal, guys.

We've given up.

We're recording as long as we feel like.

I will do my best to not post episodes that are over an hour by that much because I don't

think you want to listen to us for that long.

We're all goldfish out here just floating.

So I'll do my best with that.

But other than that, we're just recording till we're done talking.

That's how it's going to go.

And in this case, I feel like I've said enough.

All right, so every week we are asking you guys to share this with someone in a specific

country.

I have it.

All right, what's the specific country?

Does anybody know the Australian breakdancer?

And can you share this podcast with them?

Or does anybody know anybody in Australia in general?

Have you seen the Australian breakdancer?

Actually, yes, Nathan showed it to me last night.

It was hilarious.

Did you know she got zero points?

Did you know they are no longer having breakdancing in the Olympics at all ever again because

of that?

That's probably pretty depressing, but it's also kind of funny.

She was an Olympian.

She made a statement.

I could be an Olympian.

Turns out she made a statement that was like most Olympians train their entire lives to

be where I was.

She was like, I trained for 36 minutes and now I'm the most famous breakdancer in the

world.

Oh my gosh.

Why in the crap?

She is my spirit animal.

How insane do you have to be just to be like, I'm going to the freaking Olympics.

I don't care.

I'm going to do my thing in front of billions of people.

I love her.

I just want to know how she-

I think her name's Rachel.

How did she get there?

Who approved this?

I feel like, you know, my friend Stacey, shout out.

Hey Stacey.

I feel like she would do that.

Oh, a hundred percent.

And that is my spirit animal.

Stacey?

Yeah, it's just a good time.

All right.

So in conclusion, share with the Australian breakdancer slash anybody in Australia you

happen to know, or share it with anyone that you think might be interested in these kinds

of topics.

I would love to hear if you're single, not because I'm trying to date you.

Just your experiences.

If you've had any you want to share or us to share with the pod or you just want to

talk, you can find us on TikTok or Instagram or Facebook, I think.

Yeah.

If you search the hashtag we are more on any of those, you should be able to find us.

You can DM us.

I'll probably send you a fun GIF.

Oh, good.

That's not intimidating at all.

Or maybe I'll share all the TikToks I can possibly think of with you.

They don't want that.

Don't do that.

I'll be your pen pal.

Okay.

Goodbye.

Before Bree says more scary things.

I can do whatever I want.

Goodbye.

Love you.

I will always love you.

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