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Join feminist coaches Taina Brown and Becky Mollenkamp for casual (and often deep) conversations about business, current events, politics, pop culture, and more. We’re not perfect activists or allies! These are our real-time, messy feminist perspectives on the world around us.
This podcast is for you if you find yourself asking questions like:
• Why is feminism important today?
• What is intersectional feminism?
• Can capitalism be ethical?
• What does liberation mean?
• Equity vs. equality — what's the difference and why does it matter?
• What does a Trump victory mean for my life?
• What is mutual aid?
• How do we engage in collective action?
• Can I find safety in community?
• What's a feminist approach to ... ?
• What's the feminist perspective on ...?
Becky Mollenkamp (03:15.832)
Hi, Krishna, thanks for joining us. You want to tell the people who you are?
Krishna Kayastha (03:17.632)
Thanks for having me. I am Krishna. I am a painter and writer slash artist. I focus on growth and connection through the lens of self-love and I've just been writing a lot more than painting lately, which has been fabulous.
Taina Brown she/hers (03:34.708)
Yeah. A lot of morning pages is what I see on your social media. You also, I read this in your intake form. You came up with random words, like your own language for managing surprising moments. Am I explaining that correct?
Krishna Kayastha (03:38.502)
Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (03:54.376)
Yeah, yeah. So well, okay, so Tundu isn't made up. Tundu means cold in Gujarati, but I'll say like Tundu Fundu. And that's where you have like a drunken night of bar hopping in New York back in my young prime days. But yeah, when I get like really stressed out, like hibura. And if I'm just like fresh and I can't think it's like Yamuna, which
Taina Brown she/hers (04:07.024)
Okay.
Taina Brown she/hers (04:10.739)
Okay.
Krishna Kayastha (04:23.932)
Apparently it's the Twin River of the Ganges in India, and I had no idea until recently.
Taina Brown she/hers (04:28.177)
Hmm, maybe it was like embedded somewhere in your subconscious.
Krishna Kayastha (04:31.208)
Maybe, but I'm not using it in the right context at all. Yeah, it's just kind of like when I can no longer process, those are the words that kind of come out of my mouth. My husband hears them probably most than anybody. I don't think anyone else has ever heard them. I think he hears them the most.
Taina Brown she/hers (04:34.388)
Yeah, yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (04:43.593)
lot.
Taina Brown she/hers (04:49.333)
That's funny. That's very, I feel like, artist thing to do, to just like create your own language or like semantics for dealing with stuff.
Krishna Kayastha (04:57.576)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (05:04.552)
Where do we start?
Becky Mollenkamp (05:06.84)
Taina scoot over this way. There, because on the small clips, you'll be half cut off. There you are. There you go. Some behind the scenes for everyone. Well, we just did an episode not long ago about creativity. And when Taina and I were talking about our own sort of battles with hobbies and creative expression and trying to make space for that in this capitalist world that makes us always feel like we need to be quote unquote productive. And those things don't always feel quote unquote productive, even though they're
producing something. But you know, it doesn't feel like it's money generating because neither of us are doing art for money or hobbies for money, right? So I'm just curious, like when you hear people who are feeling that way, I'm sure you hear it a lot from people. I wonder what comes up for you.
Taina Brown she/hers (05:48.904)
and
Krishna Kayastha (05:51.316)
Well, it's interesting because I'm kind of like in between stages. So I was creating and business in my art in a very like capitalistic way. You know, I was doing what all the people were saying to do and it was not fun. I was not enjoying it to the point where like I packed up all my supplies for a good couple of months last year. I was like, fuck it. I want to do this. And so when people are like, oh, I'm not creative or it's like, no, you're actually you're creative every day.
Taina Brown she/hers (06:07.048)
Wow.
Krishna Kayastha (06:20.756)
Like every time you pick out your outfit or how you're gonna put the food in your plate. It's a form of creation. And so I've spent the last few months just really like, how can I be more creative in my life? Like I think I've redone my little vision board back here like five times this year. Cause I'm like, this is fun for me. Does it generate money? No. Does it make me happy as fuck? Yes. And so I have kind of just realized like there is a skillset.
Taina Brown she/hers (06:42.595)
Hmm.
Krishna Kayastha (06:49.948)
of like, you can make art as to like, what is trending and do the marketing copy and do the funnel. And if that's your jam, like if you have that strength and that hustle appeals to you by all means, but for the rest of us who are just like, no, we just want to create, we want to create what we want to create in the way we want to create it. And we want to share it in the way we create it. I think it then becomes a lesson in trust and self-experience, right? Like trusting in the process of like,
Taina Brown she/hers (07:15.624)
Hmm.
Becky Mollenkamp (07:17.621)
testing in the process.
Krishna Kayastha (07:19.044)
this will return something in some way and it may not be how you expect it and then self-trust and just like loving what comes out whether it's social media ready or not.
Becky Mollenkamp (07:31.566)
I love that. Like, love the... Well, that's part of what we talked about too, Taina. And that episode was the process. And can you get to the place of enjoying the process versus the outcome, the result, whether that is just the perfectionism issue of the thing you're creating, needing to be perfect, or the result as in, will this make me money? So I love that. And how do you balance all of that with the fact that we do exist inside of capitalism and there are bills to pay? Because I wonder, it's especially hard, I would think, for somebody who's primary
Taina Brown she/hers (07:56.721)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (08:01.526)
work is creativity. we just said capitalism corrupts that and yet like you're doing it as work. So like, yeah, how do you deal with that?
Taina Brown she/hers (08:08.423)
But you can't escape it, yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (08:11.528)
Well, okay, so like I'm very privileged in the sense that I have a partner who makes decent money, right? And so it took a long time for me to get out of scarcity mindset. It also took me a long time to shed like girl boss mentality. And so it was just like, I'm a girl, we can have everything, we can do everything, we can own multi-million dollar businesses and raise our children and...
keep our houses and da, da, da. And I was just like, I need to do this, I need to do this. And there was never a question of like, why? Like why exactly? You know, and so I think it took a lot of grounding, a lot of journaling of like, okay, what is our situation? How are we making money? Are we able to pay our bills and live? And the fact of the matter was like, yes, we were. I had a social media marketing consulting business for a long time.
And I just quote unquote fired my last client last year. And that's how I was making my money in terms of like paying my bills and stuff so that I could figure out how I wanted to create in a way that felt good. And I think sometimes there's this pressure of like, it's all or nothing. And do you believe in yourself and, you know, bet on yourself? And it's like, dude, it's like.
Taina Brown she/hers (09:15.718)
Hmm.
Krishna Kayastha (09:33.468)
If you can tolerate something and it's paying your bills, then use your free time, create the discipline to figure it out for kind of combusting everything up and then sucking the joy out of your hobby, really, right? Is like turning something you love into a way to live. It's a big step. And I think like a lot of us were misled, misguided in the like, hustle your hot monetize your hobbies like.
Taina Brown she/hers (09:39.067)
Hmm
Taina Brown she/hers (09:48.421)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (10:02.82)
Hmm.
Krishna Kayastha (10:03.242)
you find joy in something, make money off of it. And it's just like, it's different. It's different because you could go viral or get popular for something that you created offhand and you never want to create again. And then at some point it's just like, well, I might as just go get a corporate job. Like if I have to create art I'm not really into, then I might as well just go work for someone else and go do something else I'm not really into and get a steady paycheck.
Taina Brown she/hers (10:28.166)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (10:28.971)
I used to work at, I used to work in publishing and I mean, it's a creative industry, creating magazines and writing and all of that. And I remember that feeling of like forced creativity where it's you clock in at nine and at five o'clock we leave and in between those times be creative, right? And stay focused and 100 % of the time being creative. And it's like, that's not how creativity works. And when you start doing it to yourself, where you start to think,
Krishna Kayastha (10:29.136)
No.
Becky Mollenkamp (10:54.934)
Okay, now I must be creative. I'm sitting at my desk. It's time to get creative and make the thing. Like it really does ruin it.
Krishna Kayastha (11:01.732)
Right. Well, OK, so double edged sword, right? I think sitting at your desk and having like the discipline to show up to a blank page, a canvas, whatever it may be. That's the first step, because if you're always waiting for the big idea, you may not sit down to actually paint. Right. Whereas if you're willing to fuck around and find out, as I so lovingly call it, play.
Taina Brown she/hers (11:19.791)
Hmm.
Krishna Kayastha (11:27.494)
try new things, be okay with the fact that this might be garbage and no one's gonna see it. Then showing up for the bigger projects, the bigger passions becomes easier. But if you don't, I had this challenge, so that's why I'm saying you, but I should say I. I had the challenge of just like, it needed to be perfect. It was do or die, it was black or white. And I was like, if it wasn't gonna be great, I wasn't even gonna try. And so I would spend days, weeks, thinking.
Taina Brown she/hers (11:38.5)
Hmm.
Krishna Kayastha (11:55.738)
about painting something to the point where I would lose the energy behind it. And so doing the morning pages has really taught me the discipline of showing up. And I love the artist way. I've hosted a few free groups. I'm thinking about hosting another one in the fall. But showing up and just writing those three pages every morning is a great practice in just showing up for yourself. And it's so low risk. No one sees them. No one has to know what you write.
I have spent mornings writing like, don't want to fucking write in this thing. This is so stupid. I just want to go back to sleep. I have written that over and over and over again until something comes up and I'm like, yeah, I guess I could write about this. And now it's gotten to the point where like I can plan out my days and I'm out content or I'm like, I want to, there was this idea that I was mulling on and I had stopped at some point and something has come up now. Once I'll have like brackets and highlights in my morning pages and so much of my work in my day gets done in those first 20 minutes of my day. But this has been like,
Taina Brown she/hers (12:31.686)
you
Taina Brown she/hers (12:55.109)
Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (12:56.156)
A 10 year practice in the making, right? Like I had to practice to show up. I have fallen off. don't, I probably have like a 90 % rate of successfully showing up to my pages this year. You know? Right, exactly, after 10 years, because some weeks are shit.
Becky Mollenkamp (13:09.294)
Mm.
Taina Brown she/hers (13:10.477)
after 10 years.
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (13:16.396)
Yeah, and that's problem I found with artists ways. Sometimes people think they have to do it perfectly. And then it's like the first time they miss a morning, then they're like, well, I've already messed this up. Forget it. I won't do it. I just want to point out. Yeah, exactly. Let me just quickly say a little toot in our own horn here, Taina, but we're going to be hosting an artist way book club after Taina finishes up emerging strategy inside of the coaches circle. So that'll be happening this summer. I've done it before as well. Like you have Krishna and.
Taina Brown she/hers (13:25.537)
Yeah, yeah, it's that all or nothing. Yeah, yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (13:28.062)
Yes.
Becky Mollenkamp (13:43.904)
I'm horrible about doing it myself unless I'm doing it in a group. I just, lack that self motivation often to do things. I'm much better, more externally motivated. So I've done it in the past and it is like, it's interesting to watch the progression of how your morning pages change over time. But anyway, I just wanted to say if anyone's interested, you can join the coaches circle because that is part of what we'll be doing inside of there. But Titan, I feel like I've been asking all the questions I want to make sure you have.
Krishna Kayastha (13:47.688)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (13:57.061)
No, it's all good. I've just been listening and absorbing. So, Christian, I have a question because I feel like this is something that I think about a lot, especially when we talk, like we talk a few times a month.
Krishna Kayastha (14:07.976)
I love that.
Taina Brown she/hers (14:27.093)
And what role do you see creativity happening, right? Like that creative process, what role do you think it plays in the journey to liberation? And so where do you see overlap there? Because I think sometimes we get stuck in these ideas about what something is supposed to look like and it creates these silos.
Krishna Kayastha (14:55.461)
Right.
Taina Brown she/hers (14:56.996)
act kind of like as boundaries around what's allowed and what's not allowed. But, this is, this is some of, we've talked about this, not at length, but it's come up in like one-on-one conversations and you as like a wife and a mom and an artist, you know, like how do you see that playing out?
Krishna Kayastha (15:01.588)
Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (15:18.588)
I think the number one benefit of creating, especially in current times, is if you are creating, you are not consuming.
Taina Brown she/hers (15:28.247)
Damn, I think we could just, just, what else is there to say?
Krishna Kayastha (15:30.388)
you
Becky Mollenkamp (15:32.494)
That's really, really good. That's really good.
Krishna Kayastha (15:34.1)
Yeah, because I I love it. Yeah, absolutely. Like, you know, I was talking to my friends about this. when all this stuff happened with the TikTok ban, I like I was like, no more TikTok. And I stopped using it. I loved TikTok. Like I was on there all the time. And I have no shame around my phone usage. Like, I don't care. I'm on my phone. All my favorite people are on my phone. All of my best people live in a different state. So, yeah, I'm on my phone a lot.
Becky Mollenkamp (15:37.944)
Pull quote coming soon.
Taina Brown she/hers (15:39.672)
Yeah
Krishna Kayastha (16:03.508)
But I had like stopped going on TikTok and I had stopped reading fan fiction books and I had stopped doing all these things in the name of productivity and I sucked all the joy. I sucked all the non-productive joy out of my life and I burnt out. I burnt out in two months and I was like, what's happening? I like, I'm doing all the things. And I was like, I'm not having fun.
Taina Brown she/hers (16:20.9)
Wow.
Krishna Kayastha (16:28.532)
And so I realized like, if I am consuming, I'm not creating, but then the flip of this is like, what I'm consuming energizes me. So as soon as I start seeing shit that I know is going to bring me down, bring down my energy, my mood, stress me out, I pop out, I opt out. I close it, I go to another app, I text back a friend, whatever it may be. Or I'm like, oh, you know what? Before I get back to this, let me go do that thing real quick.
you know, sleeping and feeding yourself. The amount of my friends that I have that don't eat breakfast or don't have lunch until 2, 2.30.
Becky Mollenkamp (16:57.421)
we can.
Taina Brown she/hers (17:05.11)
Becky Mollenkamp (17:07.918)
tightness, holding her head in shame. I do breakfast, I just don't usually eat lunch. we're both guilty.
Krishna Kayastha (17:07.991)
Thank
Taina Brown she/hers (17:12.546)
I haven't eaten anything today so far.
Krishna Kayastha (17:14.77)
That's why I'm saying like I used to be the same way. I thought lunch was such a pain in the ass. I'm like, it's in the middle of the day. Like you're ruining my vibes. The act of stopping to feed yourself is revolutionary. And I think when people realize like rest and taking care of yourself at that granular level, like the base level is resistance because you feel better. You have more energy.
Taina Brown she/hers (17:27.446)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (17:37.783)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (17:42.286)
If anyone needs motivation to get off social media, I just finished an amazing book. I'm late to the game, but it's called careless people by Sarah Wynn Williams, who is a Facebook whistleblower, meta, whatever she was face. It had just changed, I think, to meta or maybe meta after she left. But anyway, it like you. I knew Zuck was awful, but just realizing like the level of evil that is created inside of this machine.
Taina Brown she/hers (17:47.903)
.
Becky Mollenkamp (18:09.516)
because of capitalism. mean, what capitalism does to people who maybe, I don't know that they started with good intentions or not, but even if we assume positive intent that they did start with positive intentions, it's just wild to see what capitalism can do to people. And I think we see it in ourselves in that more granular level, but it's really motivating to not, to like leave meta products and really just reevaluate social media and your role in using it. And then, you know, thinking again at that more individual level, what are the ways that capitalism is corrupt?
Taina Brown she/hers (18:32.687)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (18:38.094)
affecting me and keeping me from, you know, being my full expression of myself. And that's where like that creativity feels really important.
Taina Brown she/hers (18:44.635)
Yeah. You know, so again, Christian and I, we talk often offline and actually online because we live in different states. one of the things we talk about is fanfic. And so because we both are into fanfiction. Just.
Krishna Kayastha (18:56.18)
I'm
Becky Mollenkamp (19:02.318)
Okay, I wanna put guardrails here, cause you two could spend the remainder of our time talking about fanfic and playing up the non fanfic folks. We give them a lot. So just, I'm just gonna put some guardrail.
Taina Brown she/hers (19:12.863)
Just trust, trust where I'm going. Trust where I'm going with this. but it's interesting because like, since we do talk a lot about fanfic, we both are into the same fandom. And so like I would, I was sending Krishna TikToks through Instagram or yeah, through Instagram. And so then after a while you were like, I got to get back on TikTok because I missed this, right?
Krishna Kayastha (19:39.678)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (19:40.674)
But I think what's interesting about that is like, it's the context there, right? Like a lot of how you and I are engaging on TikTok is through the fanfic community, which is inherently anti-capitalist, right? Like you cannot buy fanfic or you shouldn't because it's illegal, right? Like fanfic is something that is very community-based and is the people who write it, like it's a gift to the community. And so what-
Krishna Kayastha (19:58.462)
We shouldn't break.
Taina Brown she/hers (20:09.493)
there's this inherently creative anti-capitalist, like just kind of foundation for it. And so how do you, as a creative person who was off social media for a long time and now you're back to engage with the fan-fake world, like how do you manage that boundary? Like to make sure, I know you said like, if you start to see things that are kind of like pulling you in a different direction, you'll just like turn it off, but like,
Even if you're just engaging with the things that you like, I feel like this is especially true of TikTok. Hours can go by before you realize how much time you've spent on TikTok. So how do you manage a healthy level of engagement, a healthy level of engagement that still feels creative, that still kind of nurtures that creative energy without going off on the deep end?
Krishna Kayastha (21:04.423)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (21:07.31)
The yin and yang of the consume versus create.
Taina Brown she/hers (21:10.185)
Yeah, yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (21:10.612)
Right, no, I love this question. So I created a journal called The Habit Tracker because I was having trouble sustaining habits. I was like, it was do or die, just like it is with my art. Everything in my life was like do or die, right? Like do it well or don't do it at all. And you see all those stats of like, if you do something for 30 days or 90 days, it's now a habit. That's not true. Okay, I can do something for 90 days on day 91, I'm done.
Taina Brown she/hers (21:32.383)
You
Krishna Kayastha (21:35.892)
Like it just, was not true for me. And so I created a habit tracker and it was like, okay, three to five habits over a seven day period. Cause every week is different. And I also cycle sync. Okay. So was like, what is the habit? What are the factors around this habit? What is supporting this and what is not supporting this? And I would, I would take data. I would take data on myself. I did this for years. I've, I feel like I've been in like this self.
Taina Brown she/hers (22:00.304)
Hmm.
Krishna Kayastha (22:03.764)
created Academy of me for the past three years, or I'm just like really learning to love who I am as I am. And in that the level of self awareness I have of like, when I do X, Y, Z, I feel good. I can show it for my friends. I can show it for my husband. It can be present for my kids. When I don't do X, Y, and Z, I feel like shit. And I have guilt and shame and you know,
Taina Brown she/hers (22:29.844)
Hmm.
Krishna Kayastha (22:33.19)
And so having that awareness, I've now created like my non-negotiables. So during the day, I have my non-negotiables of things that absolutely must get done before I open up my TikTok app. Right? And again, every week is different. So I have to sit with myself and I journal. So on Sundays, it's like, okay, what's the week coming up? What does this look like? I'm luteal. I'm going to need a little bit more TikTok time. Absolutely. my little girl's on one this week.
Taina Brown she/hers (22:47.094)
Hmm.
Krishna Kayastha (23:02.632)
Okay, I'm probably gonna escape a bit so I don't pop off on her. That and then also just like being very present with my people. So when I am, know, when me and my husband are having lunch or when the kids are home, I'm not on my phone. And so that really changes, because before I would scroll no matter who, I was just like, I'm just scrolling, they're playing, it's fine. But I'm just like, no, I'm just gonna put it away. do household things, prep, we're eating more at home than ever, because I'm like.
Taina Brown she/hers (23:03.616)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (23:24.861)
Mm-hmm.
Krishna Kayastha (23:29.884)
Okay, the kids are home. I'm going to prep food. I'm going to cut this or whatever, just to make the week easier. And then my phone goes gray scale at 10 PM. And nothing fun is on social media and black and white. Like there's nothing worth assuming in black and white on social media. I'm just like, I'm not, I'm going to go read my book. And so those are kind of the measures I've put in place for myself, but it was really like a sense of who am I and what is best in support of me.
Taina Brown she/hers (23:44.286)
You
Taina Brown she/hers (23:49.843)
Yeah, yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (23:59.932)
Yeah, I think even that process that you've undertaken is part of creativity, right? Because there's this sense of curiosity that's like, that's the cornerstone of that process. And I think curiosity is like foundational to creativity. Like, how can you create if you're not curious about the possibility about, you know, what it could potentially look like? And that's one of the things I love about you is that you're just like,
very creative, but then you have this almost scientific way of understanding or trying to understand things. I think for a lot of people, those two things seem diametrically opposed to each other, but they're really not. They're really not.
Krishna Kayastha (24:52.276)
Yeah. I think it's just, good to know yourself, right? When you have like a strong sense of self, you won't buy into the bullshit you're seeing online, right? Like you'll know when something has been created just to trigger a cortisol reaction out of you. Like there's a difference between staying in the know and keeping up to date with everything that's going on and being a good citizen of humanity.
Taina Brown she/hers (25:11.859)
Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (25:20.508)
and being stressed the fuck out, doom scrolling, because you're just consuming stuff thinking that this is helping.
Taina Brown she/hers (25:27.912)
Yeah. Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (25:29.112)
Can you, you mentioned your habit journal. Is this something you bought or that you made for yourself? I do, I use a spreadsheet for mine and I'm curious how you do it.
Krishna Kayastha (25:37.614)
No, I designed a journal and it's available on my website and I created the art for the cover. So if you go to www.staranademysoul.com, you can pick yourself up a coffee, but it has like a little Habitracket like graphic and I have it so can like doodle and color it in and make it fun. And then it just has like simple data of like, what time did you go to sleep? Did you eat? Just kind of tracking like the baseline. I think sometimes we underestimate the baseline of like hydration, food and rest.
Becky Mollenkamp (25:47.726)
Okay, we'll be on the show notes.
Krishna Kayastha (26:06.748)
and how much that impacts how we reach our goals.
Becky Mollenkamp (26:10.7)
And I've personally found that like, cause I use this spreadsheet and I made it pretty in my brain, you know, branding, use emojis and things to dress it up. But I have found that since I've been doing that this year, it really like this gamifying of things. There's that same dopamine hit like that we're trying to avoid in other places. Like I think if we get strategic with how we use that to motivate ourselves, I find it really helpful as I get to click things off and I see my percentage increase of like how many, percentage of my habits I'm doing.
Krishna Kayastha (26:15.442)
Love it.
Krishna Kayastha (26:23.604)
Hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (26:25.186)
No.
Krishna Kayastha (26:26.056)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (26:38.506)
or also just that reminder of the places where, because there are certain habits I just don't do. I want to develop them. I'm not doing them, but I'm not taking them off either because I want to see like there's this reminder and not in a horrible way, but just like this incentive of, okay, once I master these other things, here's this place I want to go. But I just think that gamifying and using dopamine to your own advantage instead of letting others control your dopamine hit, find ways to do it for yourself.
Krishna Kayastha (27:02.676)
No, I love that and it's true. I have habits that are goals and It's lit. It's like, okay. Well, this isn't the priority right now, but this is something I want to work on and then when it becomes time It's like okay. What is standing in the way of this habit? What is preventing me from and then sometimes the habit isn't aligned? You realize it is something that you co-opted from somewhere somewhere else because you thought it was gonna give your life or your identity value But it's not aligned and not that way
Taina Brown she/hers (27:21.33)
Hmm
Becky Mollenkamp (27:30.35)
So true. Yeah, so true. I think the tracking of it is what helps me start to see because then you have to sort of makes you confront yourself and say, OK, let's get honest here. What's keeping me from doing this? Right. And is it things I can change? Or like you said, is this maybe was this never the right goal or my
Krishna Kayastha (27:32.201)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (27:32.561)
Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (27:47.26)
Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (27:48.404)
Because I think I'll be 38 this year and I really thought like I would have life figured out. Like I know who I am and I'd have all the answers, right? Like it seemed like all the adults did when we were younger and I was like, okay, cool. Grow up, have all the answers. No. Yeah, but they didn't tell us that, right? They told us, right? Like where I was, I'll tell you, I'm like, baby, I don't know, but we'll figure it out together. I was like, I don't know what's happening. I'm just, I was like, this is my first time mommy. This is your first time being a daughter. This is my first time being a mommy.
Taina Brown she/hers (28:02.437)
They didn't know shit.
Becky Mollenkamp (28:04.632)
They still don't know shit if they're around my-
Taina Brown she/hers (28:06.257)
Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (28:18.462)
We'll figure this out. There's no way my parents would have said that to me. But I think in terms of like our careers and our hobbies and our joys, there has to be like a sense of curiosity in play. Like it cannot be like, this is it. This is who I am. There's so much life left to live. And I think if you meet yourself with curiosity of like, what's interesting today.
be a little happier, probably.
Becky Mollenkamp (28:43.85)
Is that the key to creativity for you? Curiosity? I mean, I feel like they go hand in hand, but I'm curious if that's what it... How do you define creativity?
Taina Brown she/hers (28:43.974)
Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (28:48.86)
Absolutely. Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (28:54.215)
that's existing.
Creativity is existing. I love creating my spaces. I love creating my, I don't even like cooking, but I've started to enjoy cooking. I use chopping as a mindfulness practice. You'd be more chill with, it's kind of wild, right? So it's like chopping vegetables. I'm like, okay, like just focus on chopping the vegetables right now. Don't think about how you'd rather be scrolling or sitting on the couch or what's gonna happen in that fanfic next. We're just chopping these veggies right now.
Taina Brown she/hers (29:09.052)
Mmm.
Krishna Kayastha (29:27.444)
But it just helps me be more present and more grounded. And I realized as recently as like last week of like, my mind spends a lot of time torturing my body, thinking about the past and anticipating the future. And I burn a lot of energy and creative energy in my mind. And so pulling into my mindfulness practice, pulling into what's going on around me.
just feels so much better and results in so many more things. I've been thinking about a podcast since last year. I launched it last Friday, like on a whim. I was like, I'm ready. Thank you. It's called Ink Flots and Fragments and you can find me on Substack and Spotify for right now. They're short little five to 10 minute episodes. I love it. It's creative, it's And it's, you know.
Becky Mollenkamp (30:05.358)
Congrats! What is it? Tell everyone!
Taina Brown she/hers (30:14.816)
.
Becky Mollenkamp (30:22.604)
When you hear people say, I'm not creative, I have been this person, so I'm talking about me, but I know lots of people who feel that way. They'll say like, I'm not creative. And I know you said, yeah, you are like you're making dinner or whatever you're getting dressed. But where do you think people get that like wrong sort of idea of what creativity means?
Krishna Kayastha (30:41.588)
capitalism. Right? Like, yeah, it means that you're you making money, that you're making money or you're broke. You're a starving artist, right? Like it's one or the other. You either are selling paintings on Zospies and you're amazing and everyone knows your name and da da, or you're a starving artist and you're shirking your responsibilities, can't pay your bills, you know, maybe have a drug habit. I don't know.
Becky Mollenkamp (30:44.162)
And what does it tell us it means?
Taina Brown she/hers (30:50.85)
Mm.
Taina Brown she/hers (31:09.903)
N-
Krishna Kayastha (31:10.768)
Do it for the plot, right? But I think it is the fact that we hear about the greats and the masters. And I think what's so baffling and just low key irritating about that is all of them died broke. All of them died broke and unrecognized, ridiculed, criticized, just, and now everyone's like, my God, they're so amazing. And it's like.
Becky Mollenkamp (31:33.326)
No.
Becky Mollenkamp (31:37.351)
and or depressed with an ear cut off or by alcoholism or right yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (31:39.974)
Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (31:41.236)
Right. They were having like existential crises for their times, right? They were seeing the state of the working class or the, you know, whatever was going on. Like they are what artists are today of like connected with community and just like, shit, like this is what the people are going through. Like this is what we're feeling. This is what we're needing. Not, also not being able to pay their bills or borrowing from their brother. I don't know what was going on with them, but you have this degree and you know, it's been.
Commercialize like you can find Van Gogh paintings on all sorts of shit
Taina Brown she/hers (32:14.723)
Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (32:15.796)
And so you see it everywhere. And so like, I think it messes with your brain as like, what is creativity? What is being an artist? What does success mean? And how you define that. And then of course the people around you, like if your circle is ingrained into that nonsense, because that's all they know, it's harder to break out.
Taina Brown she/hers (32:33.745)
Yeah, yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (32:35.086)
I think where I went wrong was thinking it meant you had to be good or great, right? And so if what I'm creating isn't measuring up, isn't something that I think others would lavish praise on or whatever, then I can't call myself creative. And I hate that because now with a child trying to teach them, the only way we get there, progress creates not perfection, but improvement, right? And that the only way we get better is
Krishna Kayastha (32:39.016)
Yeah. Yeah.
Taina Brown she/hers (32:39.035)
Okay.
Krishna Kayastha (32:55.528)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (33:04.813)
through repetition and by doing it and allowing ourselves that space. But like, you know, I see my child doing it already and I know I used to do it I'm still guilty sometimes of like shutting myself down if I'm not great right away. And that is like, I know that is a product of this system that we live in, but it's so frustrating to myself.
Krishna Kayastha (33:16.626)
Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (33:23.538)
Yeah, because we glorify the young, right? We glorify the people who just get it and not the work that gets into it. But there's so many people who found their success or found their calling in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. And I think when it comes to creativity, if you create freely of just what it is that you want to have without...
the need for someone to validate it, that's, I think that's where you want to aim. You know, I think something that really also helped me shift is like, I think it was like a year ago or maybe two where I learned like not everyone has to like you. And I had no idea because I thought if people didn't like me, I was doing something wrong.
Taina Brown she/hers (33:57.849)
Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (34:14.364)
And was like, and then I was like, well, if everyone doesn't have to like me, that means I don't have to like everyone. And that was so freeing. was like, like you can just like not be for me. And so then when it came to art, I was like, I actually hate this. But this person's doing well or it's sold or whatever it may be. And then they really like, it really just helps solidify. Like you just have to find your people. It might not be good for a certain group, but another group may just absolutely love it.
Taina Brown she/hers (34:28.989)
Yeah
Taina Brown she/hers (34:46.008)
Yeah, yeah. What I know you touched on it a little bit about like the artists, part of the artists role is to like, or at least that's where I went in my brain when we were talking about like how the greats died penniless, but now everyone is, you know, they're the greats, right? But also how they were, they're comparable to what we see in artists today where they're just kind of like.
almost like the canary in the coal mine, right? And there's a quote, think, by other Tony Morrison or someone else. I was going to say some Black woman, but that sounds really irreverent. But one of the Black great writers or artists has a quote. I forgot which one it was, but where she says that the artist's role is to like...
Krishna Kayastha (35:36.937)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (35:43.126)
indicate what's happening to just kind of like be a mirror back to society, but how do you balance the heaviness of that with like also maintaining like a sense of like hope and like staying rooted in possibility? Like where's the line for with that?
Krishna Kayastha (36:05.704)
I think, and this is something that I've been having a lot of thoughts around because I paint, feel like some heavy stuff, at least for me it feels heavy. And it's the balance of the joy and the fun and the curiosity. So I may write something that's silly or I may carve out time to hang out with friends or read my fan fiction, right? Or bake cookies, right? There's other ways to create joy.
to fill your cup so that way you can show up to the canvas to bring light to the pain in the world. And when you are operating under like a capitalistic mindset, it's like, no, you must sit at the canvas for 40 hours a week and just be in pain and channel it and produce and produce and produce so you can sell, sell, sell. And part of like my deconstruction and like healing was like, some of my paintings aren't for sale.
So like I painted a piece on Palestine. painted it a while ago and I've been sitting on it because I've been scared and I'm just like nervous that I'll probably release next month. But it was like, like I'm not trying to make money off of this. Like this isn't something like, like I want to bring attention to this and connect it in all the ways that I feel that it's connected to all the other.
I connected to George Floyd and then what's happening at the border with the separation of families and then school shootings. Cause that's like, that's all that comes up for me anytime I think about Gaza, right? And so it was just like, I can't sit in that all the time. And so then I have like the girl in the cage. And even recently I've been doing watercolor inks on black watercolor paper and it's about hidden wounds.
Taina Brown she/hers (37:35.32)
Mm.
Krishna Kayastha (37:49.138)
And it's been so much fun to create and it's so deep, but I feel like because I'm filling my cup in other areas in my life that I can tackle the topics that I want to in my art.
Becky Mollenkamp (38:01.302)
I love the idea that some creativity, some creative expression is for others to consume. Some is for capitalism to consume, right? And some is just for you. And that reminder that we can create these sort of boundaries and these categories, these buckets of ways to have creative expression. And I think it's like almost like putting those boundaries around it allows you a little more freedom from to feel like, okay, this one is for capitalism. Okay.
Krishna Kayastha (38:10.547)
Thanks.
Krishna Kayastha (38:30.416)
Yeah.
Becky Mollenkamp (38:31.02)
Right? And like knowing that, but then when you know it's just for you, it can open up a whole new portal for yourself of what that looks like. So I love that way of thinking about it.
Krishna Kayastha (38:39.112)
Thank you. Yeah, because there's, mean, there's, there's some artists who do like digital downloads, prints, like there's so many ways to share slash sell your art. And I realized I didn't want to do it that way. Like it didn't feel good. It didn't feel fun to me. Managing print inventory sounds horrendous. I'm sorry. I don't want to do that. you know, and so was like really like, okay, what do I like doing and what can I tolerate enough to keep doing in the name of business?
Taina Brown she/hers (38:49.853)
Mm-hmm.
Taina Brown she/hers (38:56.911)
Okay.
Krishna Kayastha (39:08.348)
and finding that balance. And I also, I felt like a little shame around my privilege. I had a hard time accepting the fact that I was dependent on my husband financially. It felt like a failure on my part, I've, so I have a projector, six two, in human design and Libra sun, Cancer moon. And so I've just been learning more about my makeup according to the stars and these things.
And it's been very permission-giving in the sense of like, my role is meant for something different. Like the reason I think about things the way that I do and talk about the things the way that I do is because I'm meant for something different and really just like accepting that.
Taina Brown she/hers (39:52.61)
Hmm, that's good. Last question. What is giving you hope these days? Because we are living in dark days, indeed. And so with apparently no light at the end of the tunnel, or seemingly no light at the end of tunnel, it feels like most days. So what is the light at the end of the tunnel for you? What's the hope that you're holding onto?
Krishna Kayastha (40:17.501)
The hope that I'm holding onto is that people are turning more to community. I feel like there's been more conversations around community and mutual aid and like anti-consumerist behavior. Would I like to see a little bit more? Of course. But I think I just, love that people are like, yeah, like we need to get back to people. And that gives me a lot of hope. And then also my kids.
And not in the sense that think they're gonna save the world, but like, I need to have hope so that they don't have an existential crisis before they're 10. If that makes sense. So whenever I let them have their feelings or whenever I let them put that insane outfit together and walk outside this house, you know, I'm just like, yeah, you know, like I'm, I'm showing everyone that it's okay. It's okay to be creative. It's okay to express yourself. It's okay to test and try different things. It's okay to...
Taina Brown she/hers (40:59.457)
Yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (41:15.864)
not look cute or attractive under the misogynistic gifts all the time, you know, like, or just slowly like dismantling these ideologies. And then also in my family, I've had some really interesting conversations where it's me just telling people that they need to go to therapy throughout the whole phone conversation. And I've gotten a few of them to go. So I feel like, you know, doing my part.
Taina Brown she/hers (41:39.848)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, awesome. Well, thank you, Krishna, for sitting with us today. You can find Krishna at serenademysoul.com. That's also where you have your habit tracker journals, right? Okay, awesome. Yeah, yeah.
Krishna Kayastha (41:54.909)
Yes.
Becky Mollenkamp (41:56.782)
And that'll all be in the show notes for people so it'll be easy to find.
Krishna Kayastha (42:01.352)
Thank you.
Becky Mollenkamp (42:02.722)
Yeah, thank you for being here. This was awesome.
Krishna Kayastha (42:04.988)
It was so much fun. Thank you for having me. I love talking to you guys.
Becky Mollenkamp (42:08.704)
And don't forget to go listen to her podcast too. We'll link at the show notes as well.
Taina Brown she/hers (42:11.252)
Yes, ink blots and what? Ink blocks and fragments. On Spotify or Substack?
Krishna Kayastha (42:14.43)
fragments.
Becky Mollenkamp (42:18.818)
Thanks. That's right. Thanks, Krishna.
Krishna Kayastha (42:20.658)
Yeah. Thank you. Bye.