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Let's get better together.
Hey, everybody. It's been a while since I've done one of these, but something in me has a lot to say and I'm not sure what that is. I don't plan these. I do them when I'm called to do them, not when I'm motivated, not when I feel like it, when I'm called to do it. And I think today is one of those days.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna share I don't share much personal stuff about me. I do with my clients. I'll talk in story. I'll talk in narrative. I love to use philosophy, psychology, narrative, story, archetypes, those type of things to to get inside people's walls, to break down some barriers, to get to know them.
Speaker 1:And that's how I write as well. But I'm gonna tell you some things about my life. Most of my life, I lived for everyone else. I didn't know how to show up for myself. I was taught this and then I kept repeating it.
Speaker 1:And it's a choice, but it was unconscious and it took me a while to recognize it. I think you get the symptoms of, if you've heard the dark night of the soul, I think it's a representation also of sacrificing part of our ego, which is Christianity and the crucifixion. Christ represents the self, capital s. Jesus represents the ego, lowercase s. He had to sacrifice a piece and part of himself so he could become Christ, so he could have that connection to God and self and have a balance in those things.
Speaker 1:And that's a metaphysical, metaphorical representation of that. They are powerful stories. Even if they are not true, I think the power of them makes them true. It's also the rising of the phoenix. The phoenix is always, has rebirth, comes back, sacrifices parts of themselves.
Speaker 1:And in between that sacrifice time, and this is what people, I don't think, realize is you have to go directly to your pain. If you're masking your pain, if you're using substances, people, places, things, which I did, and and I did it so much. I was so scared of my pain. I was so scared to feel the things that I blocked, the things that were in my unconscious, the things that were suppressed, repressed, all of them. And it got to a point where my life was so chaotic and patterns kept repeating and I lived in scarcity and I didn't trust myself and I betrayed myself over and over and over and over again.
Speaker 1:And And it got to the point where I mentally broke down. I physically broke down. I emotionally broke down. My life as I knew it ended. And there were some things that set that in motion, but it got to a point where I had to make a decision.
Speaker 1:If I didn't feel this pain, if I avoided it any longer, I was gonna die. And I don't know if I would have literally died, possibly so. You know what, probably so. Probably not by my hand, but by accident or things that I was doing or not taking care of myself or looking after everyone else, but never me. Always below everyone.
Speaker 1:And when those things happen, it's such a betrayal. We feel it. You feel it in your body. We try to mask it. It's so uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:But the thing is until we approach this, that will keep happening happening. You spiritually die. You metaphorically die. You emotionally die. You mentally die.
Speaker 1:And it comes to a point that pain is so great, it forces you to see it. And, man, you can call that god. You can call that your ancestors. You can call that spirits healers that come, but it's something. And and I think a lot of that's your soul and that's your connection to god.
Speaker 1:Carl Jung believed that we lived in the mind of god, and and I believe that. And I'm starting to see that more and more and more. It's a system set up if we pay attention. Not not everything has to be so logical. Not everything has to be fact oriented.
Speaker 1:Most of my talking is emotional truth, is is metaphorical, is trying to access places in you that no logic ever could. I can't write down exactly what I do with client. I don't know exactly what it is. It's an intuitive drive. It's a knowing.
Speaker 1:I was trained so much to pay attention to other people that that tool through trauma has become special to me, but I don't have to do that in my everyday life. I can turn that off, and it's such a blessing to use now, and and I enjoy helping people. I don't have to sacrifice myself to do that. I can have boundaries. There's expectations there.
Speaker 1:There's standards that we have. But before that and it was awful. I was in such pain and and it was time to change some things. So I'll go in more to that, but I'm gonna talk to to everyone out there and say that until you do it, until you stop using all these avoidance tools, until you stop using relationships, until you stop using, drugs, until you stop using people, places, and things. Nothing changes.
Speaker 1:It's just passive, hey, keep doing the same thing. Keep showing up as you are. Don't look at this pain. And I think those are often protective mechanisms that are put in place. I think shame is a protective mechanism.
Speaker 1:Also, we can carry our parent's shame. We can carry generational shame, passed down through nervous system, then through, not only nature, but nurture. And, man, you can sit here and blame your parents. You can do that all day. And I I think you do need to get angry.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying you have to get angry at your parents, but the thing is, they're not controlling us anymore. The people that hurt us are not controlling us anymore. We're the ones doing it to ourself. And and, man, that's not a disempowering statement because that says, you know what? I have the power to change this.
Speaker 1:If I can feel through this pain, then I don't have to live this way anymore. I can burn off this piece of rot, this piece of dead wood that doesn't belong to me, that never fit, and that can be people pleasing. That can be more narcissistic traits that you take everything for yourself. There's such a balance that has to be there. Everything has to be in balance.
Speaker 1:If you feel joy extremely, guess what? You're gonna feel a sorrow. That's why when someone we love or a pet or or or something that we just love deeply, you know, when they die, the the grief is how much you love them. It's that love that there's no someone said there's this love that with nowhere to go, there's no placement. And the thing is that is love, but you have to feel the pain of it.
Speaker 1:There's another great quote that says, man, our life is based on how well we grieve. However you frame it, you can have different perspective, but I have to see reality. I I cannot mask reality anymore. Life is suffering. It is suffering.
Speaker 1:There is not a choice in that. It is pain. But the difference is how quickly can you feel that pain? How quickly can you move through your suffering? Because those are the people that stand back up.
Speaker 1:Those are the people that stop beating themselves up, that stop blaming everything on themselves, that stop saying it's their fault. And until we can tell this to ourselves, man, we're imprisoned. That self is imprisoned. You don't even know where it is. It is calling to you.
Speaker 1:It is in pain, and eventually, that voice gets so small. It only happens in subtle moments where you're in so much pain and so much destruction that it says, hey. I'm still here. Will you come to me now? Will you help me with this?
Speaker 1:Will you protect me? Will you feel this pain? And Carl Jung also labeled that shadow. People think shadow is always this dark figure and the things that are awful in us. Now that shadow can also be a child.
Speaker 1:It can be that child that has so much pain and suffering that they blocked that it shows up everywhere in your life. And, man, the people that have followed me and they connect with my work, you know this feeling. You know what I'm saying here. And if it stirs something up in you, good. We have to go to these places.
Speaker 1:And when you go to these places, there's gonna be many, many different protective mechanisms. You're not gonna be able to control everything. There has to be such courage and a surrender. And, you know, what I help with my life coaching practice I mean, I'd really it's self coaching. I'm not a therapist.
Speaker 1:I'm I'm not this, I'm gonna beat you up coach. I'm a self coach. We go to these places and I'm gonna be familiar for you. I'm gonna go with you, not because I know the answers, not because I have the direction, but because you need someone there. You need someone you trust, someone that you let in, And that's the work that I do.
Speaker 1:But talking in general, if you don't have anyone, if you can't have access to those things and do those things, build the courage. Say no more. Be willing to feel uncertain. Be willing to surrender, be willing to learn, be willing to to take down these these guardians. Often we'll use story, when I'm talking to people or trying to work through things.
Speaker 1:And let's say that they feel that pain and that pain, but when they try to go to it, there's this block. There's gatekeepers. There's people, places, situations, guardians that will not let that in and they will not let that peace out. They will not let that kid out. They will not what what whatever aspect got imprisoned out.
Speaker 1:So guess what? Guess what you gotta do? You have to call out these protective mechanisms. You have to get them to trust you. You have to get them to know that you're ready to experience these things down.
Speaker 1:And I'm not saying you tear the whole dam down. Man, that would be overwhelming. But we've gotta let some water out. We've gotta start feeling through this stuck sensation, these stuck emotions, and these stuck hurt from the past. You didn't have a choice of blocking these things if this happened when you were young.
Speaker 1:It was not your choice. Your mind and however it was created has such protection for your life. It knew it could you could not handle those sensations at that time. It would have physically killed you as a baby not being held, passes away. You have to have some type of protection, some small amount of love that keeps you going.
Speaker 1:That's that voice that calls back. That's your soul. That's that that's that part of you that came here that said, man, we came here for a reason. Are are you gonna live that out? Or are you gonna are you gonna just keep being a bystander?
Speaker 1:Are you gonna keep watching everyone else? Until that time, man, it's going to be the same. Your fate, that fate has stuck. And and with all these things, the protectors, guess what you got to do? You got to sit with them.
Speaker 1:You gotta get to know them. One example I like to use is and and I've adopted abused dogs, and they've been the best dogs. But guess what? When I met them, they didn't trust me and rightfully so. They have been hurt.
Speaker 1:They have been they have been abused. They have been trusting and that was taken advantage of. They have been traumatized. They have been hurt in that way. But you know what I would do?
Speaker 1:I wouldn't try to pet them. I wouldn't try to approach them all the time. I wouldn't try to invade their space, but every single day, I made sure they were fed fresh water, they had a bed, they had toys, they stayed inside, they had comfort and I would sit in the room with them. I would sit in the room with them. One of the dogs I had was, Chloe, my little Shih Tzu and man, I miss her so much.
Speaker 1:She was such a blessing to me and and really actually helped me feel through a lot of these things. And I remember she would sleep at the end of the bed in the corner, and she wouldn't come up to me. And then and then as I got to know her and she started to trust me and sink in, you know, one time I I fell asleep and I woke up and and she was at my feet. And then one time I woke up and she was at my hip. And then one time I woke up and she was on my chest.
Speaker 1:Until I woke up, she was on my shoulder. And that's not because I'm special or I've done anything. She needed a familiar. She needed someone to show her that, hey, you know, not everyone does these things. Not everyone leaves you.
Speaker 1:Not everyone drops you off. Not everyone is gonna forsake you in that way. And, man, that's what you gotta do with these protectors. You gotta let them know, hey, I I know you're protecting this, but I got it now. And that takes time.
Speaker 1:So if if your protector is shame, guess what? When you feel shame, you call it out. You say, oh, I see you. I understand why why the shame is coming up. I understand what you're doing.
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna try to stop this. I'm just gonna call it out. And, eventually, you know what shame does? It says, you know what? I I think you can have a little more access here.
Speaker 1:I think I'm gonna let you in. I think I'm gonna let you another step further. And then you get past protectors and past protectors and past protectors. And then eventually, we we get to the bottom and to the lowest of places and dark places in the psyche. And when we go down those stairs and when we approach that forsaken, forgotten peace, I don't know what you'll find.
Speaker 1:You know, for me, it was an imprisoned self. Never got to create a sense of self. Never built that unconditional love of myself. And it was a sunken, depleted, empty, hollow abyss. It was terrifying, the feeling of that stuck piece, of that left piece that I've forgotten that I kept ignoring and I didn't show up for.
Speaker 1:And guess what you gotta do there? You have to build a relationship with that peace. You have to feel the pain of that with them. They cannot do it alone. And as you move through this and and you do these things, that peace starts to get stronger.
Speaker 1:You're not abandoned anymore. You're showing up for yourself. Man, and I've heard hundreds of times when people start to do this, I'll ask, what what sensation are you feeling? And we get them more connected to their body and that's a process too. But when when they start to notice that, you know what, there's a it feels kind of like a burning.
Speaker 1:There's there's something, but it doesn't feel bad. It feels like coming out of my, Xiphore process or my heart in that area. And what that is is unconditional love. If you're not taught unconditional love, no one can give you unconditional love. Unconditional love is for self.
Speaker 1:It's only for you, and it has to be taught. And and if it's not reflected to us or mirrored to us, it it never builds or we never get that gift. So the sad thing about that is that you don't you never developed a self. The incredible, beautiful thing about that and why these people are so powerful and so authentic is they get to create a self for themselves. And it makes me emotional because, man, when you get there and you start to do these things, I can't explain to you the feeling.
Speaker 1:I can't explain to you the relief that you'll feel, the boundaries that you'll start setting, the things that you notice that you do everything for everyone else, but never expect anything for yourself. You realize that was just a mask to protect this emptiness, the shame, this hollow space that that needed to be protected and loved. And often that that shadow aspect can be, again, a child. And and when I had that picture of that child encapsulated, it started to shift, and it's still shifting. It's still shifting.
Speaker 1:You know, that that child in me may not be exactly where they need to be, but it's with me. I notice it when it needs me to be there. I access it, tell it's not alone. I'll feel this with you. I'm not going anywhere.
Speaker 1:And and when we do this, man, we start to build trust in ourself. And when we trust ourself, we follow through on our promises. And and that is what when I say discipline is self love in motion, that's what it is. I bet a lot of you can be disciplined for everyone else. I bet you can work for somebody else and work 90 hours a week, and then you try to do something for yourself and you collapse.
Speaker 1:Why is that? Because there's no sense of self. There's nothing there. It's empty. It wasn't able to develop.
Speaker 1:And and when you notice these things, and you're willing to learn, and you're you're you're willing to be open, you're willing to to not guard yourself so much anymore, to have some vulnerability about yourself, and you're smart with it and you find people that you can trust and you build that relationship. You know, self esteem is a direct relationships, the relationships you have. It's it's all mirroring. And when you start to believe this, you find people that mirror that back to you. Another Carl Jung thing you know, if you followed me a long time, I try to access many different types of psychology.
Speaker 1:But Carl Jung, I always go back to him because that works best for me. The story, the archetypes, the things that I see in the synchronicities, those places that, I see God in, those places that I feel God in, whatever that is. That's what I go back to. And and I think when when we when we access these places and we do these things, that's when we start to trust ourselves. That's when we start to connect and that fire starts to build.
Speaker 1:And again, I cannot explain that feeling. It is a feeling opposite of betrayal. It's the feeling opposite of pain and emptiness. It starts to become full. You start to become alive because you've been living a half life, and you know this somewhere.
Speaker 1:You can't explain it logically. You can't really explain it to people, and I'm doing the best I can here. But but when this happens, you start to fill up, that unconditional love starts to develop and you start to become you and you get to build, a sense of self based on you, not on anyone else, not on your parents, not on not on the beliefs that you were brought up in, not on your siblings, not on not on your friends, not on the world, but from your connection to God. And and that capital s self, I believe, is our connection to God. And we have to build this bridge to that lower case self, the ego.
Speaker 1:You are not stuck. You are just like this. There are certain things in our temperament that are us and biological, but many things you can interchange. They are false pieces. Like, I talked about earlier some people pleasing.
Speaker 1:That's not you. That's a mask. No one is made to do that. No one is made to sacrifice themselves in that way. You are not a soldier.
Speaker 1:You are not to bow down before these people. You are not to just have honor and serve everyone else. That's not what you came here for and you know that. So when you're ready and and when it's time for you to access that pain, this is when these things will happen. I feel like I need to do more of these.
Speaker 1:I've got some things I need to do and I'm gonna stop now. But if this connects to you, please reach out to me. If it doesn't, reach out to me too. Ask to me to explain more. Ask me to give more information.
Speaker 1:I'd love to hear from you all, and we'll talk soon.