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Join certified trauma professional Dr. Amy Hoyt and licensed therapist Leina Hoyt, MFT at https://www.mendingtrauma.com as they teach you how to recover from trauma and cPTSD. Trauma shows up in our everyday reactions and sensations and recovering requires a multi-prong approach that considers the mind, body and spirit. Dr. Amy and Leina will teach you the most emerging research and skills to empower you to overcome your past traumas. They address nervous system health, somatic therapy, trauma, cPTSD, EMDR, Neurofeedback, IFS (Internal Family Systems therapy), and many other modes of recovering from trauma. As mental health experts, sisters and trauma survivors, they teach you the tools that actually helped them recover, are backed by research and have helped thousands of their clients. Each episode is packed with clinically effective methods as well as scientific findings to guide you through your own trauma healing journey. Whether discussing cPTSD, PTSD, medical trauma, somatic therapy, nervous system regulation, EMDR or neurofeedback, Amy and Leina will help you recover from trauma so that you can reconnect to yourself and others.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (02:11)
Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode. We are excited to be with you today. This week we're going to be talking about transitions and how when we've had trauma, these transitions can be a little difficult. So we're going to give you some tips about getting through transitions and learning to regulate through transitions.
Leina (02:34)
Yes. And I love Amy, how you said that when we've had trauma, transitions become more difficult because especially if you've had some childhood trauma, change could be very dangerous in our childhood. And as children, we have no power, no control. We're at the mercy of others. And so change could be really dangerous.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (02:46)
Yeah.
Absolutely. Let's talk about why transitions are so hard if we've had trauma.
Leina (03:05)
I think that one of the things that happens after trauma is that our brain tries to anticipate and control. And that's a very natural response after trauma. But what it leads to is a tremendous amount of rigid thinking. And along with rigid thinking, have very concrete expectations.
And then when those expectations aren't met, it's really easy to become dysregulated.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (03:42)
That is a great explanation. So this survival mechanism that helped us in childhood where we needed more structure, we needed,
less flexibility because our brain needed that for to feel safe is now making it difficult for us to transition from one time to another or one task to another depending on how it shows up for each of us
Leina (04:09)
Correct. And we can see it in our exchanges with a lot of different people. So at work, you might see it with a coworker. If you're working as a team, you might see it with a boss. If you're a boss, you might see it with the people who work under you. And what tends to happen is that people tend to get very activated and sometimes it turns into rage.
And they go on the offensive instead of calmly dealing with whatever the outcome is that doesn't meet their expectations. And hardly anyone knows about this. Everyone's just going along trying to do the best they can, but it can be very exhausting to have this challenge and to work and live with people who have this challenge.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (05:03)
Absolutely. I am one of these people who, especially before I did a lot of my work, I found change and transitions extremely difficult. And the rigidity of my thinking was really crippling in a lot of ways. I think one of the hardest parts
is that it seemed to sneak up out of nowhere. And so then all of a sudden I'm agitated, upset, you know, just felt really out of control, but I didn't, I felt like I didn't have any clues beforehand.
Leina (05:46)
Right, yes. Well cause it's so subconscious.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (05:48)
And so, yes, exactly. if, know, before you really do that deep work on trauma, you know, because I had been in talk therapy forever, I didn't understand the clues that my nervous system gave me before I would get to that point of being completely dysregulated.
Leina (06:10)
Yes, yeah, well, because the other thing that happens with trauma is we disconnect from our bodies. So we're not tuned into the shifts or the changes in our body.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (06:15)
Exactly.
That's right. Yes. So I know we talked about why transitions are hard. Let's talk about the transitions that are really common this time of year. And of course, transitions can occur anytime. But when we are thinking about doing this episode, are thinking about families, you know, winding down from summer, getting ready to go back to school, that that can be
challenging. I mean, I don't know about other parents out there, but I always look forward to summer and the lack of schedule because it's so fun. And then about a month in, I look forward to school starting again and the creation and reestablishment of a schedule. So if you're anything like me,
Leina (07:08)
Yep.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (07:13)
So I think it's totally normal to need a break and it's also normal to want to transition back to a schedule. But what comes with that is some stress. So for us, it's gearing up for we know, you know, we're going to have all the extracurriculars, we're going to have the financial challenge of, you know, school supplies and new clothes or shoes or whatever is needed for that particular child. And
Leina (07:20)
Absolutely.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (07:44)
Transitions can be really challenging because we are anticipating these things getting a little more difficult, even if we're looking forward to the reestablishment of a schedule.
Leina (07:56)
Yeah, that's a great clarification. Cause I think a lot of times we contribute to our own distress when we don't realize that two seemingly opposite things can exist at the same time, which in this case might be, I'm looking forward to a reestablishment of the schedule and I'm stressed out of my mind because all my kids need new shoes.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (08:17)
Right. Yeah. And if you have a bunch of kids, you know, that adds up pretty quick. So, yes. So that, we wanted to do this episode because we recognize whether or not you have children. This is also a period of transition from, you know, more of the lazy days of summer going back into, a schedule. And that's, you
whether or not you have children. It's just kind of the rhythm of our culture.
Leina (08:51)
Yes.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (08:51)
So a transition this time of year can be hard. We know it gets especially hard when we have trauma and we've got some rigid thinking. How do we regulate during transitions? What are some skill sets that we can leave our listeners with in order to help them navigate these transitions?
Leina (09:14)
I think that's an excellent question. But before we go there, I'm thinking about some of the other transitions. Like this year, you have a kid going off to college, right? And so depending on the age of your kids and some of you may be facing empty nest syndrome or just an empty nest. And then also there can be a tremendous cost getting kids off to college.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (09:22)
Right, yes. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Leina (09:44)
There's so many different times in life where changes happen, including daily from moment to moment. And we want to be able to have a flexible nervous system, which you talk about a lot, so that we can go between this freeze or paralyzation, this activation for fight or flight, and this, the Polyvagal theory calls it
ventral vagal state, which is the state of connection, growth, awe gratitude, peace, that kind of thing. And when we don't have a flexible nervous system, we can get stuck. It's very typical. Like I think one of the things that's so striking to me is that working with people, they honestly think that they are the odd one out, the weird one. And
When I'm working with them, say, no, I work with clients like this all the time and they, everyone has a challenge similar to this. And so if you are listening, just know that this is very typical and don't be discouraged because you have a hard time with transitions.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (10:54)
Yes, I love that encouragement. And thank you for widening this discussion that it can be, you know, multiple transitions. and that no matter when they come, they can, they can be challenging.
Leina (11:08)
Right. Right. Like I have a friend back in California who lost their job almost nine months ago and they're having such a hard time finding another job because they're 53. And so, I mean, change is inevitable. We all know that, but it doesn't mean that we like it. So learning how to get through these with some nervous system regulation can be really,
Dr. Amy Hoyt (11:29)
Yes.
Leina (11:36)
empowering and it can free up some energy for you as well.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (11:41)
Yes, for sure. what are, I mean, we talk about the nervous system quite a bit. What would you say are the top two nervous system regulation tips that you can give our listeners during, you know, that they can actually implement during transition times?
Leina (12:02)
I think that one of the best ones is breathing. But in order to use that tool you have to be more aware. So as always I'm going to suggest the breathing and the tapping, the bilateral stimulation left right left right whether you're walking running swimming biking or just tapping on your arms or knees. The breathing can be the box breathing which is four seconds in four
Dr. Amy Hoyt (12:11)
Yes.
Leina (12:31)
pause, four second out, four second pause, and you do that for several rounds. You can also use the physiological or double breath sigh, which is a big inhale through your nose, a slight pause, and then an additional inhale, and then a really powerful exhale. When I'm in public and I'm trying to regulate myself, I do not do it loudly.
because that would look ridiculous. But the double breath sigh or the physiological sigh is really powerful. So I think breathing and bilateral stimulation are really helpful. The other thing that can be really helpful is if you are a parent with kids transitioning, that co -regulation becomes a vitally important concept because your kids are going to be stressed too.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (13:28)
Yes.
Leina (13:29)
more and more kids in America are tremendously anxious. And if the parent is as anxious, then the child doesn't have any ability to regulate with the aid of a parent who's regulating. And so the parents out there, I think it's really important to recognize that our job is to act as the prefrontal cortex for our children.
and to be the calm, regulated, rational, reasonable brain so that our kids have some, safety net. They can fall back on our ability to manage our emotions and our behavior.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (14:18)
Yes. Yes. You know, I had one of my kids come into our room late last night. I mean, really late, probably early morning, if I'm being honest. And they have already are experiencing anxiety about school starting and extracurriculars and feeling nervous
You know, so we talked about how normal it is to feel nervous and anxious about school restarting, about a more intense schedule. And then of course it came down to anxiety about if I don't do all of these things and activities and get good grades, how's that gonna affect my college applications? And so, you know, I think by
Leina (15:08)
Absolutely.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (15:13)
me being able to stay calm and listen and just validate instead of because my temptation is it's going to be fine. You know, I understand you're nervous, but it's going to be okay. And instead, I just said, I understand you're nervous. I mean, that's really understandable instead of trying to then fix it. And that because I didn't try and fix his nervousness about
Leina (15:35)
it
Dr. Amy Hoyt (15:42)
extracurriculars, that led to a deeper conversation about the ultimate nervousness.
Leina (15:50)
Ooh, I love that.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (15:52)
And so because I was able to stay regulated, it opened the door for more vulnerability on his part.
Leina (16:01)
And then you got down to maybe what the deeper.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (16:05)
Exactly. This isn't really about the extracurricular schedule. It's about not getting into a college they want to go
Leina (16:06)
anxiety was
Right. And if you go, I mean, I'm not speaking for your child, but if you go even deeper, for many of us and, for our children, it's about not being enough. And sometimes we can be so ambitious for our children in terms of college and future life that we inadvertently teach our kids that unless they perform in a certain way, a certain level.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (16:26)
That's right.
Leina (16:43)
They are not enough. And I think that's an important message to parents, not to guilt trip anybody, but to have awareness that I know lots of people who are very successful, who went to community college and then transfer. Yes, exactly. You're one of them.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (16:45)
Yes.
Yeah. I'm one of them. Yeah. Yes. I'm one of them started out at community college, didn't graduate with my high school graduating class because I was in rehab, you know, and then ended up transferring and ended up with two masters and a PhD. It's I, I always have to keep that in mind when I'm thinking about my own children. It's like, it's never over. Like it's never too late to get on the right
Leina (17:10)
Yes, yeah.
Yeah. Exactly. I love that. That's a great point. Yeah.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (17:30)
So going back to co -regulation, you know, and I'm not always a master of it. I try really, really hard, but when we are able to stay calm instead of kind of trying to fix it or trying to insert our own anxieties on top of their anxiety, like, well, yeah, if you don't do this extracurricular, it is gonna be harder to get in. is, you know, I mean
Leina (17:51)
Right.
Which is not what an anxious kid needs.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (17:59)
Right. And it's not helpful for co -regulation because I'm not, then I'm not the prefrontal cortex. I'm actually the limbic system for them. And so co -regulation with our children or our loved ones, this could be a partner, this could be a friend, a sibling, this skill to be able to validate and regulate with another person and kind of anchor ourselves in that more calm ventral state.
Leina (18:13)
Yes.
Yes.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (18:27)
is it transfers to every environment.
Leina (18:30)
and it changes interactions, it's remarkable.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (18:32)
It does. It does. It is. So those are our tips for regulating during transition. I love the being aware so that we can do breath work and then doing bilateral stimulation, whether that's going for a walk or tapping on our knees, know, opposite left, right, left, right, or music, binaural beats.
Leina (18:56)
Yes, music dancing binaural beats yeah.
Dr. Amy Hoyt (19:01)
So all of those are great tips. And as always, if you have a suggestion for us for an episode or have any questions, reach out to us. We are so glad and grateful that you're here and thank you so much for joining
Leina (19:18)
Take care.