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A podcast on shared humanity; discussing personal and professional perspectives. From serious to silly to sublime, coming from kindness and curiosity, it is all about connections.
Hi. I hope you are well. This podcast is a place for people to share personal and professional perspectives, talk openly, and ask questions. From serious to silly to sublime, it's all about communication and connection. Always coming from a place of kindness and curiosity, we talk about shared humanity, discuss ideas, and highlight people creating a better world.
Melissa Shere Beek:We've got to keep learning, keep growing, keep being. I'm Melissa Beek, and this is Beek on being. Today's episode is Beek on being a single parent. Single parenting, raising a child or children on your own, by choice or not, is a huge responsibility. Financial, emotional, logistical, and more, parenting can be the most rewarding and the most exhausting endeavor on the planet.
Melissa Shere Beek:Today, we have two Jessica's Jessica Katz and Jessica Shere to talk about all the factors that go into what it means to be a single parent and how they navigated through it all and make it look so easy.
Jessica Shere:I don't know about that.
Jessica Katz:Yes! My thoughts
Melissa Shere Beek:are I'm so happy to have you both here. I'm really thrilled. Thank you. And I know it's serious topic, but it can be a fun, educational, wonderful topic, but it's an important so I appreciate that you're both here today.
Jessica Shere:Thanks for having us.
Melissa Shere Beek:tell our listeners a little bit about you and your experience as a single parent. Okay.
Jessica Shere:My name is Jessica. I got divorced a while ago. I have three kids with my ex husband, and what else? I have a 19 year old currently, I have a 17 year old currently, and I have a 13 year old currently.
Melissa Shere Beek:You got them everywhere.
Jessica Shere:All over.
Jessica Katz:Okay.
Jessica Shere:Love
Melissa Shere Beek:it. Jessica K.
Jessica Katz:Jessica Kay, most common name the year that I was born, number one. My name is Jessica. I am a single parent by choice, I think is what they call me. I have a son who's three and a half, and I'm expecting another one in a couple of months. Yay.
Jessica Shere:Before you continue, just to Jessica, I give you I I think it's phenomenal what you do.
Jessica Katz:Thank you. I I A little psychotic.
Jessica Shere:It's not though. You do what works for you and I give you such a reward for that. I think it's awesome that you do it. Thank you. I do.
Jessica Shere:I give you a lot of credit for it.
Melissa Shere Beek:I think it's incredible.
Jessica Katz:Thanks, guys.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah.
Jessica Shere:I do. You're mature enough to make a decision that works for you, and that's important. Some people probably wouldn't make that decision, and I respect you so much more for it.
Jessica Katz:I do.
Jessica Shere:Thank you. You. I really do.
Melissa Shere Beek:I think it's cool. I think it's amazing.
Jessica Shere:I think it's great.
Melissa Shere Beek:So, what's your experience as single parents? Because you both come from it from different directions.
Jessica Shere:Mine's more complicated. I guess the best so to me, it's just it keeps changing. It it kind of just keeps evolving as a single parent. I think you start off, and you're in it, and you're kind of so preoccupied by what your kids are doing. For me, years go past, and then you realize things as a parent then, and then you learn and you continue to go.
Jessica Shere:I think it's always evolving. I don't think it's like one thing.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right. Each experience is teaching something Yeah. The
Jessica Shere:And I think honestly sometimes you look back and you're like, ugh, I wish, you know, I had someone to do that with. Or, you know, sometimes you look in and you're like, thank God I don't have someone deal with this with. So it's there's ebbs and flows throughout it all, I Okay.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. I mean, for me, I always knew that I wanted to have kids, And this was not obviously what I planned for my life, but I think I got to a point at an age where it was still doable, and I felt that the stars were aligned in a very lucky and privileged way that I could do this if I wanted to. And so I did. And as I'm sure we'll get into, you know, there are pros and cons. Right?
Jessica Katz:I think the older and the more mature that you get, and the more confident that you get, and I've been at my job for almost twenty years, and I think, you know, I'm a functioning adult, and and I have a lot of friends who have kids that are 10. Right? So I've been living and I'm very close with them. I'm very close with their kids. So I had a little bit of an idea of what to expect.
Jessica Katz:And sometimes it's easy not to have to consult people with decision making Yeah. And it's something that I don't take for granted, especially when you're somebody who's decisive and has opinions.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right.
Jessica Katz:But, yeah, there are some times when it would certainly be helpful to have another Extra hand. Yes. Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. But not having But who's okay. Right.
Jessica Katz:You know? As opposed to a nanny, or a grandparent Right. Or an uncle, or whatever.
Jessica Shere:Right. Or to bounce ideas off of. Sure. Right. You don't want to go to your like, I don't always want to go to my sisters and my parents.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. Right. I I don't, you know? You need someone to kind of bounce off with someone, Yeah. But
Jessica Katz:I didn't I never had I had two little brothers growing up. I never had sisters, so I think I became accustomed to my friends being my sisters, and sometimes it's helpful to have that little bit of distance I think, and Yeah. You know, I joke my my nanny calls my college best friend group chat the committee. So anytime I have a
Jessica Shere:go at
Melissa Shere Beek:you I think that's brilliant.
Jessica Katz:Anytime I have a parenting question, I ask the committee. And listen, you're like, you know your friends. Right. And sometimes you ask specific questions to specific people knowing
Jessica Shere:that Right.
Melissa Shere Beek:Because you know how they're Totally. Gonna
Jessica Katz:Totally. So I'm very lucky that I have I'm surrounded by a lot of resources Yeah. On that front. You know, I'm sure you agree that if we ask our mothers, they will say, you know, like my mom claims that we all potty trained ourselves and that nobody had to be sleep trained and everything was easy. Perfection.
Jessica Shere:Right. Yeah. Right. So everything was easy.
Melissa Shere Beek:Remind them that when they get short with us. Just so you Yeah.
Jessica Shere:That's true.
Jessica Katz:So but no, I'm all in all, I'm very lucky and for the most part listen, I think even in the best marriages, it's difficult. And I actually, like, love all my friends' spouses. They're my friends also. And I think even just keeping a marriage afloat while raising kids is very challenging. So, you know, in the best case scenario.
Jessica Katz:So I think whether you're single or not, it's parenting is very challenging. Very.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. You have a ton of responsibility, and you're in probably the same situation as I am where, God forbid, something happens. The onus is on you and I. Like, that's it. Like, you you just always, I feel like, have to be on.
Jessica Shere:You just gotta be Yes. Correct. You know what I mean? You don't have which is not a negative, but you just don't have that person to bounce off of, which could be great. Right.
Jessica Shere:You know? But it's just a ton of responsibility because everything's in your hands. Yeah. And that's that's that's taxing after a while.
Melissa Shere Beek:Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. I mean, yeah, there are benefits. You don't have to negotiate with partner on parenting styles and things like that, but also, like you said, responsibility is all yours. Mhmm.
Melissa Shere Beek:That's it.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. And there's like, a friend of mine was just saying today that like, her son has a doctor's appointment tomorrow that's really important, and she's upset she can't go, but her husband's gonna take him. So like, I wouldn't feel comfortable sending my son to an important doctor's appointment with someone other than me, you know.
Melissa Shere Beek:That's the
Jessica Shere:same way
Jessica Katz:I The buck stops
Jessica Shere:Right.
Jessica Katz:With us effectively.
Jessica Shere:Right. Yeah. Yeah. And it's a lot sometimes. Yeah.
Jessica Shere:Because you never know, you know. You go through hoping everything's you want the best and everything's gonna be the best, but you just don't know sometimes how things
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Turn It's definitely taught me to be more flexible
Melissa Shere Beek:So roll that the was one of my questions coming up. Flexibility was one of them, but before we get to flexibility, was curious because I know all households are totally diverse now. There's so many different, but is there a stigma that's still associated with being a single parent, you think?
Jessica Shere:There's a yeah and no. I think some people get it. Uh-huh. And some people just don't. Right.
Jessica Shere:Like, I'm not poor me for anything. Right. But being a single parent, regardless of how many kids you have, I I I don't know if there was like a stigma with it, but I just I don't It's not a stigma, but I'll put it this way.
Melissa Shere Beek:Okay.
Jessica Shere:I was never asked to go out with friends after I Really? Got Like, no couple ever asked me to join them or do anything with them. And if there was, you know, parties with couples, I may not be included.
Jessica Katz:Mhmm.
Jessica Shere:Right. I think, so it's not like necessarily a stigma, but there's definitely some thought that goes with that when people include you and people don't.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. I think
Jessica Katz:in your case, it's different because Probably. It was an unanticipated situation. Right. You know, probably ten or fifteen years ago before I did this, I knew of a couple women who had done it. And I'm gonna be totally honest, I found it to be kind of sad.
Jessica Katz:And I remember thinking to myself, I will do this if I have to, but it would be sad for me.
Jessica Shere:I find it so liberating.
Jessica Katz:But now
Melissa Shere Beek:that I'm in it, I don't was gonna say, do you feel that
Jessica Katz:way No. I feel I don't give it a second thought, and I honestly often forget that my life is different in that Right. Like it's so second nature at this point.
Melissa Shere Beek:Do you think it's personality too? Because you are such an independent woman, such a go getter, so like, you know, definitive in the way
Jessica Katz:I that you want don't really know that a woman who isn't those things would do would voluntarily do something like True.
Melissa Shere Beek:True. True.
Jessica Katz:I don't
Jessica Shere:know if I would. To me, you've always had your life You like what Melissa said, you've always been a go getter and had a good head on your shoulders and stuff like that. I don't it's questionable whether I I could do it. That's understandable.
Jessica Katz:I mean, I have friends who ask me about it, and sometimes I'm like, oh. I think I think to myself like, I don't know if that would be good for them. But I think you really have to want it.
Jessica Shere:I think you have to say a strong person. You have to
Jessica Katz:You you really have to want it. You really have to want kids. Mhmm. You really have to be willing to make a lot of sacrifice. And I think it's not for everyone.
Jessica Katz:As I said, like, I'm so lucky. Like, all of my best friends live within fifteen minutes of me. My brother lives five minutes away from me. My parents live five minutes away from me max. So I have Mhmm.
Jessica Katz:A whole world around me. I have a steady job that I've had for a long time. I'm financially stable enough to make it work. So I mean, are all unusual things to have all in the same
Melissa Shere Beek:So I was going to ask you about that too. I was going to ask you about we always hear it takes a village. It
Jessica Shere:does. Mhmm.
Melissa Shere Beek:So did you knowing that you were stepping into this choice, did you curate your village beforehand?
Jessica Katz:I don't know that I curated it so much that I wouldn't have I would have not done it had I did have all these things in place. There's just no way. Yeah. There's no way.
Melissa Shere Beek:You can't. And how do you curate your village? Like, because yours wasn't by choice.
Jessica Shere:I mean, thank God I had my sisters and my mom. I mean, that was my village. Right? You really I didn't want to go out of that. Right.
Jessica Shere:But I was hoping my sisters would be by my side and my mom would be my side and support me. If I didn't have that, it would be a totally different situation.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right.
Jessica Shere:Completely.
Melissa Shere Beek:But you, I see that you have that with your friends, though. Like I know, and you probably do this with your son when he gets older, but you have parents who are the same after school activity. Yes. So there's always someone who can pick up or take.
Jessica Shere:Gotta, you don't have to have it, but it certainly helps to
Melissa Shere Beek:have it. But it's outside of like the ones that you had already established.
Jessica Shere:Yes. Okay. Yes. Okay.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. And how does your parenting experience compare to how you thought it would be when you were younger?
Jessica Shere:I didn't think about how it would be when I was younger, but I, every day was a teaching day for me. I mean, it's still to this day. It's still teachable moments every time something happens. Right. Right.
Jessica Shere:I mean, you don't know what I mean, I don't in the beginning, you don't know what you're doing as a parent, I think. Right. And then slowly as you get into it, you learn.
Melissa Shere Beek:And each kid is different. Very.
Jessica Shere:It's really just
Melissa Shere Beek:Just warning, whatever you did with the first
Jessica Katz:one may or may not work with the second I'm frightened as to what's coming for me, but You'll be great.
Jessica Shere:You'll be great.
Jessica Katz:I think it's gonna be fabulous, but this
Jessica Shere:And they'll bounce off each other.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. Oh, yeah. They'll be partners in crime, but also, the second one is much more savvy I think, they watch
Jessica Katz:Which is frightening.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. They watch what you do with the first one and they go, noted. Yes.
Jessica Katz:And then the third one,
Melissa Shere Beek:forget it.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. That one just does whatever. Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:What's the biggest misconception you have about solo parenting that
Jessica Shere:you can I think people think it's just easy? I think people think you got team to rally around you, and it's not that difficult, but there's so many factors of everyday life that go into it. And I just it's easy if you want to do it.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right.
Jessica Shere:You know, if you want to do it and you want to raise your kids and you want to do that, it's difficult. It's difficult. I think people think it's easier than what it is.
Jessica Katz:I don't I actually get the opposite impression. You do. Yeah. I think people or at least the way people say it to me like, oh my gosh, can't believe you're doing this. It must be so crazy.
Jessica Katz:And it is, but again, like,
Jessica Shere:I think it's so common. It's more
Jessica Katz:common now. Right? I mean, between people who are divorced Right. Widowed, and all of these factors, or if, you know, even if there is a partner in the picture, but they're not there that much, like, I also, I hate to say it, but like the mother typically carries below Right. And so I don't know.
Jessica Katz:It's all I know. Right? Right. I used to say when I lived in New York, I went to college in New York. I stayed in New York, and I used to say like living in New York was all I ever knew.
Jessica Katz:So thought it was normal to live in a tiny apartment and have no personal space and like drag your Bed Bath and Beyond bags in your packages Right. On the city bus, lugging everything around like a bag lady.
Melissa Shere Beek:Jessica, I think the other Jessica misses that. Do too.
Jessica Katz:So so I thought that was normal.
Jessica Shere:And then
Jessica Katz:I moved to Miami. I went from like a studio apartment and moved into a two bedroom and I'm like And public transportation?
Jessica Shere:Car and it's I like
Jessica Katz:felt like, you know, the queen of Sheba by the time I moved here. So it's like, you know, it's a similar thing. I think it's just sort of muscle memory, and I knew it would be difficult because I really like, I'm so lucky that I'm close with my friends, and I spoke to them a lot about their own parenting experiences. So I did listen, like, pardon my French, but it's a mind fuck.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. You know,
Jessica Katz:every day.
Jessica Shere:It is.
Jessica Katz:And of course, you know, there's so many things that come up that you didn't even know existed. Yeah.
Jessica Shere:That's the other thing. There's so much that comes
Jessica Katz:up unexpected. And everything these days is like so over analyzed, and so you have to also try and make a judgment call as to how much you wanna make decisions yourself versus rely on
Melissa Shere Beek:The committee.
Jessica Katz:The committee or even a professional Right. Not that I'm the type that doubts a professional opinion, but sometimes you're like, the kid's three, this is getting out of control.
Jessica Shere:Right. Those are the decisions that I find are are difficult sometimes because the onus is on you. Yeah. You go, you you go through that thinking process a little bit more, I think, just to make sure you think you're doing the right thing.
Jessica Katz:Sometimes you wish like somebody would just make the decision for you.
Jessica Shere:Right. That's what I yeah.
Jessica Katz:Or make you feel like you're for sure making the right decision. Right.
Jessica Shere:But in the end, it's us making the decision. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:So But I think it's what you said before, like having a partner to bounce off of. When you said, I just wanted to speak it out to somebody that just said, Okay, yes, this is it or that's not it. Yeah. So, how do you think being a single parent impacts your kids?
Jessica Shere:Oh. When they were younger, I don't think I saw it as much. Mhmm. I think. I think now that they're older, okay, they've never said anything to be, but when, but I always was a little bit worried.
Jessica Shere:Like, when they go to someone's house and they see the family eating dinner, and they see them, like, I wonder what my son says or what he thinks or what he does or if he's sad or, you know, you always try and protect them as much as you can, but sometimes they don't express it, but you wanna know how they feel in certain situations. Right. Okay.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Mine is still little, so remains to be seen. But, you know, people ask me how I'm gonna speak to him about it one day, and the truth is I have no freaking idea.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right.
Jessica Katz:But I always wondered if he was conscious of it. Like, you know, obviously, we talk about other people's dads and that kind of thing. And and like nonchalantly, the other day, like literally less than a couple weeks ago, he said something only and speaks in Spanish for now. And he said something that like, I don't have a dad. I have a mom, and I have Fafa who's his nanny.
Melissa Shere Beek:Uh-huh.
Jessica Katz:And I thought that was like interesting because he just said it so Casual. Way. Yeah. I was in a way, was relieved
Melissa Shere Beek:Uh-huh.
Jessica Katz:That he was conscious of it, and he didn't seem upset by it.
Melissa Shere Beek:Well, like you said, that's all he knows.
Jessica Katz:Right. And like, selfishly, like he's you know, you see all this stuff about like moms and their sons, and like what a special bond it is. And then I think about what a nightmare of a person I was as a teenager.
Melissa Shere Beek:Your mom says you're perfect.
Jessica Katz:No. She I guarantee you, does not say that. And don't even ask my dad. But there is like such a special bond that we have, and, you know, I work full time, but I still spend so much time with him, and I don't feel that he feels that I'm absent, and like he just we have something different than what he has with other people in his life. And it's like that I feel that.
Jessica Katz:I know that that's true.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right. Do you think it makes them more independent, more self sufficient, more organized? I don't know. Yet to be determined.
Jessica Shere:Yet to be determined, but, yeah, I I'm still in the hope it doesn't make them sad.
Melissa Shere Beek:Got it.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. I'm still there even though they're older.
Jessica Katz:Mhmm.
Jessica Shere:I still, you know, it runs through my head, I hope they don't see this and they're sad that they're missing out on this
Melissa Shere Beek:or Or less than kind of a thing.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot. Let's see what happens, you know? You don't know all the time.
Jessica Katz:That would probably be my primary concern also. Although in some ways in my case, I feel like
Jessica Shere:Actually, I'm lying. I'm sorry. I think when they were younger, I'm thinking I about this as we're going think when they were younger, it was probably more difficult for me then because
Jessica Katz:What was the shock also?
Jessica Shere:Well, it was a shock and it was also they're little and they can't really decipher everything, and I just felt sad. And I felt bad for them. As they're older, they're used Like to grief. I think they're older. They can express it differently.
Jessica Shere:They know I've got them just like your kids know you've got them. So I think it's more when they're younger and they see these families together and the parents coming out for the sport games and things
Melissa Shere Beek:I like it's like a sadness like a grief for the loss of what you figured in the future the vision was.
Jessica Shere:I will tell you though, I feel, in the eight years that this happened, I definitely see way more single parenting going on, going to these games. Yeah. Sometimes people are married and the other parent just doesn't even go.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right.
Jessica Shere:So, it feels, I feel a little better.
Jessica Katz:Just almost worse, frankly. Yeah.
Jessica Shere:Right. Right. But it's, you see a lot of like, it's, I don't know, you just, it's more, I don't want to say normal because it's always been normal, but it's more accepting and you always see
Melissa Shere Beek:what's Right, I think there's a lot more diverse households
Jessica Shere:Right, I do too.
Melissa Shere Beek:But I want to go back to something that Jessica K said about like navigating difficult things. How do you navigate difficult questions? I mean, yours is still little yet, but how do you anticipate that, and how do you deal with it?
Jessica Katz:I think I would just be honest with him probably, and Yeah. Just I have no interest in him having like any kind of relationship with the donor or anything like that. Not that that's even possible, but with all this 23 and me
Melissa Shere Beek:and Yeah.
Jessica Katz:I suppose as an adult, if he wants to pursue that, he can. Like for me, a friend of mine just did this, and I remember she was agonizing over finding like a sperm donor. And I was like, it's not their dad, you Like It's
Melissa Shere Beek:a donor.
Jessica Katz:It's literally a science. Right. Like it's so I've always just thought about it that way. I really don't know. I think I almost and maybe I'm seeing the glass to half full, but I think because of my situation and because my friends knew that I was thinking about this long before I did it, I almost feel like everyone in my life not overcompensates, but like he has so many parents in
Melissa Shere Beek:my Yeah. Essentially.
Jessica Katz:So he like, he's so close with all my Yeah. And and I, as a kid, was close with my friend's parents also, and so I don't know. I just Okay. I think to your point, the the only thing that would worry me is for him to feel sadness over it, and I'm sure there will be moments of that, but I feel like he's pretty well
Melissa Shere Beek:Adjacent. Taken care of.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Yeah. At the village.
Jessica Shere:Like he may he doesn't necessarily have missed that part.
Jessica Katz:Right. You know what I think in your case, he in my case, he never knew it. Right. Right. So it's a little different.
Melissa Shere Beek:So how do you navigate the difficult questions?
Jessica Shere:So I gotta be honest, I wish I got more difficult questions. Really? They don't really, like, they express it, but they won't ever really like express it in a way where I have to answer questions. I think they get it, I think they understand what's going on, and I think they just continue from there on out.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right. Do you think they discuss it among themselves?
Jessica Shere:Good question. Is a good question. Don't know. I'm sure there's been comments back and forth, but I don't know. I, yeah, I I I'm anticipating maybe when they get older,
Jessica Katz:a little
Jessica Shere:bit older, the questions may start coming more.
Jessica Katz:Also, I think maybe when they get into their own
Jessica Shere:relationship Yes. Maybe That that's another thing I'm concerned about.
Jessica Katz:Right. What?
Jessica Shere:Relationships. Theirs, yeah. I want them to know that, you know, they can do it solo or they can have a healthy happy partner with them. I mean,
Melissa Shere Beek:don't you think they see that in all of your friendships and in all of your relationships that you guys have? That they have so many examples of different kinds of households and
Jessica Katz:I think it's more in her case like, when your kids are in relationships and they're navigating Mhmm. I suppose difficult dynamics if they come up like, hopefully that would be something that you could talk about.
Jessica Shere:Right. That's why I hope it does come up. Right. Yeah. Because anything's possible out there, you know.
Jessica Shere:Just because my situation ended up like this or you you're making a decision for yourself, it works out. Yes. Like it definitely will work out. You just need to probably keep the communication line open for quite some time.
Melissa Shere Beek:Oh, think that's Yeah. Yeah. True to
Jessica Shere:I don't get questions. I kinda wish I did. I mean, they know what happened, they know what's going on, they're old enough, obviously. Right. So, I think from me communicating at a level for each child at the appropriate age throughout this time, they got it.
Jessica Shere:They got it.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. So, how do you guys prioritize time for yourselves or self care, or you just don't have time?
Jessica Shere:It's probably more difficult for you between work and the kids, to be honest.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Saw that question and I was like, so embarrassed because I was like, I just don't.
Jessica Shere:You can't.
Melissa Shere Beek:You can't.
Jessica Katz:I mean,
Melissa Shere Beek:your situation is very
Jessica Shere:difficult too.
Jessica Katz:It's, you know, I think listen, like, do I get a manicure every few weeks? Yeah. But I think it's harder for me to like go out to dinner and like if I was going out to dinner and leaving my son with my husband, it would be a lot different than like leaving him with his nanny. Right. Which she's our family at this point.
Jessica Katz:She was literally my nanny from when I was little. So but there's just something different about it. So like you feel a sense of guilt every
Melissa Shere Beek:second Okay. That's what I was just gonna ask. There's
Jessica Katz:no dealing with them. That you otherwise would. But I think that's also a factor of his age. And I think once kids get past a certain age Yeah. And they're a little bit more independent
Jessica Shere:It's much easier.
Jessica Katz:They're not so demanding of your time. So I just
Melissa Shere Beek:I also think married or not, there's always mom guilt.
Jessica Shere:I was also to your defense, when you go out and and sometimes people have that husband, the husband doesn't watch the kids. Correct. You know what I'm saying? Often. Like, you don't want that either.
Jessica Shere:Right.
Jessica Katz:So
Jessica Shere:I I get that.
Jessica Katz:And like, I'm involved with some charity things that I often have to do stuff on nights and weekends, and work things the same, and I get frustrated by it, but then I keep telling myself like, people just do this. Right. You you have to do it. People just do it.
Melissa Shere Beek:It's I also think you're setting a remarkable example for your child, like to show them. I do too.
Jessica Shere:More so for her, I'm sorry. Yeah. I just it's I'm not putting you in a box because I think it's very common, but yeah, I really It's to be
Melissa Shere Beek:a working mom is what I'm saying. Think it's an incredible example. Especially when they're young.
Jessica Shere:It's a lot. It's a lot for her. It's a lot. I have to tell you like It just is a lot. I just I get it.
Jessica Shere:When they get older, it gets easier, but it's demanding.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. But going to work is actually like Amazing?
Jessica Shere:Yeah. Yeah. I I wish I probably had a job when my kids were little. I miss that.
Jessica Katz:It's really like, it sounds absurd, and possibly pathetic, but like that's my me time.
Jessica Shere:No. I get it.
Melissa Shere Beek:I think it's awesome.
Jessica Katz:Five months Even my zero drive to work, I'm like, to listen to music by myself for twenty five minutes, and just turn it off is like such a luxury. And I I like I'm lucky that I like my job, and I work for a company that's very supportive.
Jessica Shere:I'm having you come back
Melissa Shere Beek:to talk about it all because I'm fascinated with what you're So you have to promise to come back another time to do a whole episode on that.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. So I am lucky that I have a lot of flexibility if I need to take him to a doctor's appointment or go to something at the school. Like, I can do all those things. So again, like adding to the list of things that work in my favor for this situation, I would say.
Melissa Shere Beek:Is it hard to ask for help when
Jessica Shere:you need it? Yeah. Why? There's a bunch of reasons. One, you don't want to ask anyone to help you because you want to seem like you can do it.
Jessica Shere:But also, to me personally, it's just easier for me to do it. It just is, you know, to have to get someone and explain it and you do it yourself, you know what you're doing and it's done how you want it done. Whatever it may be. Yeah. I find.
Jessica Katz:I think it's really hard to ask for help. And I think that anytime I do, I feel like I'm imposing even though the person who I ask probably would be Be thrilled.
Jessica Shere:If they
Jessica Katz:heard me
Melissa Shere Beek:say that. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:Right. But even like with my mom, I just my mom's not one of those people who's like going to pick up my son at school every day, or like have him over for a whole weekend. And like, I respect that. Knew that about her before I have kid before I had kids. She had three kids of her own.
Jessica Katz:Right. Like, she's been through it before, and I want her to enjoy being a grandmother. Right. And I know people that make a lot of demands of their parents for childcare, and I don't think that that's really fair either.
Jessica Shere:Right.
Jessica Katz:So I try and be I try not to abuse that. Right. And of course, my friends are amazing and they always say like, I can come pick him up, send him to my house. They're probably thrilled
Melissa Shere Beek:to yeah, but they're probably thrilled to do it.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. You know, I'm like, oh, they have a pool with no fence. Oh
Jessica Shere:my no.
Melissa Shere Beek:Then you wear it. Yeah. Forget something.
Jessica Katz:Because again, when they're older, I think that these kinds of things are easier. So everyone's willing to help, and I know if I called any of them in a second, they would. But it's I'm still in a little bit of a precarious No.
Jessica Shere:I was the same way for a really long time. Like even if you ask my eight year old to come swimming at your house, I'll be there.
Melissa Shere Beek:Oh, I was the same way, and it's not, it's I don't know if it's control or not control, but I feel like it sits better in your heart that you know you're on top of it, and you're getting rid of those variables that'll play in your mind that will
Jessica Shere:Yeah. Yeah, and you're not sitting somewhere else like constantly thinking about it. Because that would make, that would kill me.
Jessica Katz:Asking is tough because I think people say I'm here if you need me. Like, you know, I feel like now that I'm pregnant, I'm getting fed like all this nonsense on Instagram relating to that. So, you know, they'll say when you're pregnant or when you're immediately postpartum and like, you know, there's all this content about how the husband doesn't like just offer to help. They just like doesn't offer a specific task. Right?
Jessica Katz:So saying I'm gonna be here versus texting someone and saying, like I try to be mindful that my neighbor across the street just had a baby. So I'll text her and be like, can I order you dinner tonight? Or I'm going to Publix. Can I get Oh, you that's nice? To be specific.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right. Not to say I'm here when you need me, but actually doing the action. Right. I'm in Publix. What can I pick up for you?
Jessica Shere:Right.
Melissa Shere Beek:Got it.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. So they don't have to think frankly about what it is they need. You toe
Jessica Shere:around that a little bit. Do you? Well, you don't want to impose. Like Jessica said, you don't you don't want to impose.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right.
Jessica Katz:And I'm also a control freak and Right. I do this at work all the time too. I'm like, yeah, I could somebody else how to help me do it, but it'll be faster
Melissa Shere Beek:If I just do it myself.
Jessica Katz:I just do it myself. It's just
Jessica Shere:much easier. Yeah. It's like if I asked you to come babysit when they were little and to explain this, this, and this. Right. I get it.
Jessica Shere:I love you dearly, but it's just easier.
Melissa Shere Beek:It's easier to do yourself. Yeah. No, I get it. Oh, it's the It's vice versa, like you were very young when I had kids, but it was easier for me to do it than to say, can you come over? Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:But then you go, it's
Jessica Shere:the same cycle every day though, kind of.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. Dare I ask about dating?
Jessica Katz:I aspire to it one day.
Jessica Shere:Go You'll find someone without a doubt. It was difficult. It was difficult, sorry, more so when they're younger.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Yeah.
Jessica Shere:You want to make sure it's a good date, you want to leave your kids if it's a crappy day because then you feel bad for leaving your children. Right. And you don't have that much time, so you hope that person understands, Right. You And if they don't,
Melissa Shere Beek:that's then And not the person. You gotta
Jessica Shere:they have to understand because you're at beck and call whenever your kids need you.
Melissa Shere Beek:Well, that's the Yeah.
Jessica Shere:You know, if I was working, which I, looking back I wish I did, it's a little different because you have a place to be and you're responsible at work, where as if you're not and you're out and about, everything comes your way, you know, constantly.
Jessica Katz:Yes. I actually think it's a lot easier to go to work Right.
Jessica Shere:But you're taxed when you come home because you're tired, you know?
Jessica Katz:Yes and no, but then like you almost don't have time to agonize over certain things. And when I see some of my friends who don't work, like it's a lot more difficult I think.
Jessica Shere:I agree. I agree looking back now.
Melissa Shere Beek:I wish And I think a lot lot of
Jessica Katz:stay at home moms are down on themselves about it, and I'm like, you are doing God's work because let me tell you.
Jessica Shere:Well, it gets your I'm not cut out for that. Like you you concentrate on something else and you don't have to worry about that. You quit. Yes, exactly. It's nice.
Melissa Shere Beek:And like what you said, it I think it depends on the person. There are some people who are cut out to be stay Totally. Home And there are some people who should never be stay home moms. I should not. And so I think it should just
Jessica Shere:At least you know that. Some
Melissa Shere Beek:mothers should know themselves better.
Jessica Katz:I'm just gonna leave it at that.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right? But no, it just I think it depends on the person. Yeah. You
Jessica Shere:know? And how many kids you have too.
Jessica Katz:Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. So, how do you all see flexibility in parenthood?
Jessica Shere:I'm feeling it a little now, more so. I mean, I gotta tell you last year when my son went to college and my daughter was in eleventh grade of high school, there was a big shift for me, a huge shift for me. Yeah. You kinda you get to a place and you're like, alright, I got this. You you can't you're not there yet, but you're kinda like, I got this, And you I guys have did this.
Jessica Shere:Uh-huh. It's been so many years. Like, I got my kid to college.
Melissa Shere Beek:It's fucking amazing.
Jessica Shere:You know, got your kid. Like, it's it's baby steps, but Huge accomplishments. You're pretty impressed with what you do, and I don't mean to be like a woo woo woo.
Jessica Katz:No, do
Jessica Shere:it. No, but it you look back and you're like, how the hell did I get through that?
Melissa Shere Beek:Because you're fucking amazing.
Jessica Katz:It's everyday is you just get through the day.
Jessica Shere:You gotta do it. Mean, what else you're going to do? You've these children that look up to you and want you to be there for them and you've to do it. I'm okay.
Melissa Shere Beek:You're okay? Tissues. You
Jessica Shere:don't want to do
Melissa Shere Beek:that. Okay.
Jessica Shere:Thank you. Yeah, but I finally got like that. Like I feel like, you know, everything was pigpenish. Back in
Melissa Shere Beek:a sit
Jessica Katz:back and like maybe take a breath.
Jessica Shere:Yeah, I could. I was like, alright, you know? Like I'm in a spot where they're growing and they're doing well, and and I felt like I got into the next category.
Jessica Katz:I'm glad that you were able to like
Melissa Shere Beek:Thank you.
Jessica Shere:Pause and you. You'll be there too.
Jessica Katz:Be I'm just excited to send my kid to the movies, frankly.
Jessica Shere:You're like, I got two hours
Melissa Shere Beek:of Maybe steps. So you'll get there too.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. I was definitely an inflexible person, and you just don't have a choice, you know. You don't. You have to pick your battles. You know, like I say, when I send them to my mom's house, she can do whatever the hell she wants.
Jessica Katz:I don't care. Like, she raised three kids, it's gonna be fine.
Jessica Shere:Right.
Jessica Katz:You know, my nanny brings him candy every day when she picks him up from school. Does it make me crazy? Yes. Is it worth getting in a fight with her over? No.
Jessica Katz:No. Just out of sight, out of mind. Right. Everyone's fine.
Melissa Shere Beek:He's healthy. He goes to
Jessica Katz:dentist, his teeth are fine.
Jessica Shere:Right. That's it. So
Jessica Katz:it's just you definitely learn to chill out a little bit.
Melissa Shere Beek:Okay. Yeah. So going along with I the chill out to. Thief how do you imagine that your home life is different as a solo parent compared to other home lives? Chaotic.
Melissa Shere Beek:Chaotic?
Jessica Katz:It's a zoo.
Jessica Shere:It's yeah. It's the it's just chaotic. It's organized I don't know it would
Jessica Katz:be if I was married, but it's definitely a zoo.
Jessica Shere:Even if you were married, it's organized chaos. Yeah. To be honest. That's what I'm
Jessica Katz:saying. Don't know that it's particularly Yeah.
Jessica Shere:It's organized think
Melissa Shere Beek:parenthood is continual juggling.
Jessica Katz:Yes. Yeah. Regardless of your situation.
Melissa Shere Beek:Does technology help or hurt?
Jessica Shere:I'm getting in trouble for saying this.
Melissa Shere Beek:What? What?
Jessica Shere:I it helps for me, even though it's not a great thing, but it helped for me because it gave me free time to do other things. Duh. Oh, okay. You're a human. I know, but I don't want people to go, oh
Jessica Katz:my god.
Jessica Shere:I mean, listen, I it was great. Was great for me because then you can focus on another kid or you can do something else. Like, it gave you little breaks. Right. When they're more so when they're little.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. And even now, there's
Melissa Shere Beek:Okay. But, so you don't have this yet because your children aren't old enough to have cell phones, but you does think that that help you? Like, as far as getting in touch with them or
Jessica Shere:Oh, Life three 60. Love that. Is that where you
Jessica Katz:can like track them or Yeah.
Jessica Shere:Just for peace of mind. Yeah. Right. Like, you know, they tell me where they're going, that's fine, but when they leave, I just wanna know that they got to the next place okay. Right.
Jessica Shere:Things like that.
Melissa Shere Beek:Do you make them text you and say, okay, I got this next place, so we're going here.
Jessica Shere:I love you. I know your kids did that to you, but my kids are not doing
Jessica Katz:it to me. Goals. Like, she's been telling me this for years.
Melissa Shere Beek:I was like, set a precedent when they're younger. Like, make sure if they have the responsibility I still text my mom,
Jessica Katz:by the way. Okay.
Melissa Shere Beek:So, yeah. So do you. So that's
Jessica Shere:Yeah, probably.
Jessica Katz:Don't know that my kids will be doing that for me, but I will always do it with my Okay.
Melissa Shere Beek:Also, I did not have three sixty or cell phones. Right. Like when I was raising kids, it was a little different. So I was like, when you get there, you have the responsibility of a car,
Jessica Shere:then you have the
Melissa Shere Beek:responsibility of calling me and telling me you're at the place you said you're at. Mhmm. And if you change, you gotta let me know.
Jessica Shere:Right.
Melissa Shere Beek:So I know where to find you in case
Jessica Shere:Now you just track them.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. Now you just track them. Okay.
Jessica Katz:So I guess Yeah. Technology I do track my mom and she's pissed about it. Someone
Jessica Shere:tracks our mom.
Jessica Katz:Don't give that up out. No. That's private information because if she knows,
Melissa Shere Beek:we're Sorry. All Edit
Jessica Katz:that out. Yeah. I don't edit, but don't listen
Melissa Shere Beek:to the podcast. And just so you know, ma, it's none of us.
Jessica Shere:So Right. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:Be worried about your grandchildren.
Jessica Shere:She knows, but it's okay. I asked my dad
Jessica Katz:if could track him. He was like, absolutely not.
Melissa Shere Beek:That's funny.
Jessica Shere:That's so funny. I love that. I would love to track him. Really? I'll track her.
Jessica Katz:No. I totally track my it's more like if I'm gonna call her, I check to see if she's at a place where Well, I know she can't can't answer answer the the and she didn't
Jessica Shere:answer so much.
Melissa Shere Beek:Because why?
Jessica Shere:Because she's mad at me?
Melissa Shere Beek:No, because it's cards.
Jessica Katz:Oh, it's cards.
Jessica Shere:Oh, she's playing cards.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah, you can't call in a cards day.
Jessica Shere:No, but usually like when I call twice or three times, she'll be like, what's
Melissa Shere Beek:No. There's probably they're all probably giving her looks at the card table.
Jessica Shere:No. I think
Jessica Katz:she would she probably left her phone somewhere or something like that.
Jessica Shere:Oh, god help us all. Or she's mad.
Melissa Shere Beek:I think that that's always a possibility.
Jessica Shere:I mean, not mad mad, but you never know.
Melissa Shere Beek:We're gonna send her to your house, if that's the case.
Jessica Katz:We'll desensitize her real Yeah. Fast. Don't
Jessica Shere:That's it. That's it. All the but looking at Jessica, my opinion, her age, and the way she you are definitely a lot more structured.
Jessica Katz:Well, that's I'm a lot older probably than you were when your kids
Jessica Shere:were younger. Yeah, but I I I wish, not that I was more structured, but I wish that I had more insight into it. Okay, but
Melissa Shere Beek:does that come with age like Jessica said?
Jessica Shere:Yeah, probably it does because anyone that came in said I probably wouldn't listen to anyways, and it's different for every single person.
Melissa Shere Beek:It's also different when you have kids in your twenties. Right. Don't have an established field that you're working in. Right. You don't have financial independence.
Jessica Katz:Right.
Melissa Shere Beek:You don't have enough life experience. I mean, it's different nowadays. Kids are waiting to have it until their thirties to have start having families because they want that foundation.
Jessica Shere:They want to work and travel and do all
Jessica Katz:of that.
Jessica Shere:But they
Jessica Katz:want to have this huge amount of being like, I know everything is gonna work out. Right. Basically, somehow it'll work out.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. I also think in a way I would like to think that I feel like the pressure in my generation growing up and maybe even the kids a little younger than me. I think parents put so much pressure on their selves and their kids to like
Melissa Shere Beek:A 100%.
Jessica Katz:Tick all these boxes and go to so and so school and do so and so extracurricular activities. I actually think that there's less of that now in a way. Again, maybe I'm
Jessica Shere:not with college. Really? I feel like Terrible.
Jessica Katz:People were so obsessed with that and
Jessica Shere:They still are.
Jessica Katz:I don't know. Really? Very much There's so many different career paths that kids can get into now. Before it was like doctor, lawyer, whatever. I mean, when my
Jessica Shere:Doctor, lawyer, teacher.
Jessica Katz:My doctor used to like Yeah. Laugh at my art history degree. I mean, who's laughing now? I got a job and I kept it. But
Melissa Shere Beek:And I'm fascinated. I'm telling you, you have to come back and talk about it.
Jessica Katz:Know, but I'm saying I just think that the directions that you can take in life are so much more broad than they used to be.
Melissa Shere Beek:Oh, yeah.
Jessica Katz:And there's like Yes. It's so not black and white anymore.
Melissa Shere Beek:And I
Jessica Katz:think college blessing and a curse. Right?
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. Because I
Jessica Shere:think And colleges don't definitely go. Correct. You
Melissa Shere Beek:know? But also a lot of the jobs that existed then didn't even exist when my children were going to school because they hadn't been invented yet or hadn't been formulated or discovered. So I feel like that's always evolving and changing as well.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. So I don't know. I'd like listen. It's easy for me to say now that I'm all chill about this. I'm sure like ten years from now, I'm gonna be having 40 anxiety You're goddess.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. No, you won't be. You won't But like, I don't know.
Jessica Katz:Does it really matter? I think it more matters that you're paying attention to your specific kid, and what
Jessica Shere:it is
Jessica Katz:that works for them. And like, sure, if they can go to a top school because they can handle
Jessica Shere:And it it's sound it. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:And it's good for them, then great. But like
Melissa Shere Beek:I think we've discussed this before. My husband always says, I know you've heard this before. It does it's not where you start, it's where you end up.
Jessica Shere:I totally agree. I
Jessica Katz:think it's more like the values and instilling a sense of ambition, whatever that looks
Jessica Shere:like. Right.
Jessica Katz:Then, I don't know. I just hate this concept of like the keeping up with the Joneses and ticking the boxes.
Jessica Shere:I I don't think an exorbitant I think it's an exorbitant amount of money.
Jessica Katz:Well, yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:I think it's stressful.
Jessica Shere:I don't think college means as much as it did when we were I agree.
Jessica Katz:I'd like to agree with my limited to no experience.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. Yeah. The one thing though I will say that's important to me being a single parent is I hope my kids are okay. Not okay, like, are they healthy, happy, that. I feel kind of bad.
Jessica Shere:I know it was the right thing, but part of me feels bad for what happened to them. And so I always, like, hope that I hope that they see that what Jessica and I are doing will, like, set, you know, we're there for them, we're there to help them, we're there to be there. I hope they see that. You know what? I hope I hope they see the dedication, the love, the respect, the care that we have.
Jessica Shere:And
Jessica Katz:I think as long as they feel a sense of stability I think Whatever that looks like, because as you said, even people with two parents, like it's not necessarily
Jessica Shere:No, and it could be a horrible those kids could hear them yelling and Okay.
Melissa Shere Beek:You both just answered the same question. Question. Because you said it from an objective, I'm gonna say it from a subjective, I think children are happy and healthy in a happy and healthy household. Right. Whether that's one parent, whether that's two parents, whether it's multiple generations.
Melissa Shere Beek:I see that your children love and respect you, and they have never been happier and healthier because they're in a home that is filled with love.
Jessica Shere:Right. That's
Melissa Shere Beek:what And support and unconditional It's not if
Jessica Shere:there's two people or one people.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right. Exactly. It's nothing to do with it.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Yeah. Naively, I I don't think Yeah. That affects in that way. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:I think it's just setting a good example and being surrounded Yeah.
Jessica Shere:By love. Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:Know that they're loved unconditionally.
Jessica Shere:Right. I I hope they do.
Melissa Shere Beek:Oh, definitely.
Jessica Shere:I'm sure they do.
Jessica Katz:And that they're surrounded by people who can advise them and help guide Right. Them in the right
Melissa Shere Beek:strength do you think you developed as a single parent that you're proud
Jessica Katz:of? Survival.
Jessica Shere:That's a good one.
Melissa Shere Beek:That's a great one. Survival.
Jessica Shere:Repeat the question again to me.
Melissa Shere Beek:What strength do you think that you've developed that you're proud of as a single parent?
Jessica Shere:Moldability, I guess.
Melissa Shere Beek:Okay. Yeah. Adaptability, flexibility,
Jessica Shere:Yeah. Moldability, Yeah.
Jessica Katz:I do think it also gives you a sense of confidence to your point. Like, once in a while you have to sit back and be like, I've got this. Like, it's not perfect.
Jessica Shere:Right. That's the It's a
Jessica Katz:new, but like, we're all alive, the kids are all right. Right. Like, is happy. Right. It's a stable situation, and like Yeah.
Jessica Katz:That's as good as it gets frankly.
Jessica Shere:Right. You gotta sit back and look. They're doing well in school. They have friends. They're happy.
Jessica Shere:Like, you do look at that and appreciate.
Melissa Shere Beek:Imagine that you have like a more deeper meaningful connection with your children. You have more quality time together.
Jessica Katz:Oh, yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:Think Is that you feel that's true?
Jessica Shere:Yeah. I mean, we're all like together. And you love it. Yeah. Yeah.
Jessica Shere:I do. I do. It it yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:So how have your children benefited from having a single parent household?
Jessica Shere:I don't know yet.
Melissa Shere Beek:Okay.
Jessica Shere:I don't yet. I guess they benefited hopefully from the love and the care and, you know, suggestions and the pushing a little, and you know, things like that.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. I think in a way like, and I alluded to this before, like I think we overcompensate with our love because of it, and I think they feel that. I mean, again, I only have one kid. I think it's different when you have more than one, but I just feel like I know him so so so well. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:You do. You know, and and he probably feels that way about he notices everything.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. They you know their nuances, but they know your nuances. Yeah. Big time. Could read you in Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:A
Jessica Katz:it's I mean, we really right now, it's just the two of us, we have each other.
Jessica Shere:That's the best. That's so It's so nice.
Jessica Katz:And once I it took a long time to get pregnant this time, but once I was pregnant, I was like I really it sounds so cheesy, but I was like, I really felt like I needed to absorb every moment with him when it was just the two of us. So now I really feel like I'm being like trying to be more present with him and like really just enjoying. And he's like in a fun stage now too because he's Cute age. Yeah. It's a cute age and he talks a lot and he's affectionate and Aw.
Jessica Katz:Every day he's coming up with new things.
Melissa Shere Beek:He's so really young. He's so really good. He looked
Jessica Katz:fun. And he said everything new,
Melissa Shere Beek:and there's no editing, and they're the best friend.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. So it's I'm I do feel like I'm able to enjoy this phase, and I'm really trying to like soak it in until the next one
Melissa Shere Beek:all I love
Jessica Shere:hell breaks. Oh, no. It's gonna be gets better.
Melissa Shere Beek:Love only grows. That mean, that's all I can say is love only grows.
Jessica Katz:I mean, as you know, with like babies, the first year is like kind of a blur.
Melissa Shere Beek:But the dynamic between your children is gonna be
Jessica Shere:That's what I said, like once It's an amazing thing. Once the baby gets a little older Yeah. They'll they'll do things together Yeah. And it will help you. Yeah.
Jessica Shere:Like it will give them time to chill and play with each other.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Mean, when I decided to have my first, I always knew that I wanted two. Right. Because I just felt like, first of all, like, I love my siblings and they're such a huge huge part of my life, and I felt it was really important for him to have a sibling. Like me.
Jessica Katz:Right. You guys understand better than want
Melissa Shere Beek:We get
Jessica Katz:it. I mean, it's just it's crucial.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. I think it's great. Think it's How has this journey made you stronger?
Jessica Shere:Oh, it made me a different person, for sure. For sure. I mean, it made me stronger, but it also made me think a lot more too at the It same made me stronger, but there were other things too. Yeah. It's yeah.
Jessica Shere:I don't know the next word.
Jessica Katz:It makes you stronger. You don't have a choice.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. Again, you don't. Yeah. You don't. You've got these little people looking up to you, and you gotta make do and you gotta make them happy.
Jessica Katz:You don't even have time to think about it, I find.
Jessica Shere:Right. So that's when I find, like, first six years to me, you just go go go go go go. Right. You just go, and you don't even know what's going on. Right.
Jessica Shere:And then it starts to like, they get a little bit older, and then you can start to figure out things like there. Right. And then, I guess, you know, it doesn't ever end but you get to a point where you're like,
Melissa Shere Beek:think each stage probably brings a different level of independence with him.
Jessica Shere:Yes. When they when they start driving or when they go off or, you know, even when they go to school for a full day, it's a huge change. Yeah. You know, it's it's all of that.
Jessica Katz:I know like my friends are sending their kids to sleep away camp now, I'm like, oh my god. My god.
Jessica Shere:No. You're gonna wanna do it.
Jessica Katz:No. Hell yes, I'm gonna do it.
Jessica Shere:You're gonna wanna do it. Trust me. I only have one in summer camp now. I'm like,
Melissa Shere Beek:oh, god.
Jessica Katz:I know. It's just such a foreign concept. I mean, once in a while, I'm like alone in my house for a little while, and even that just feels so thrilling at this point.
Jessica Shere:That's what I used
Jessica Katz:to The bar is low, guys.
Jessica Shere:I I I get that though. I get that. Yeah. What's They the used to make fun because they used to hide out in the bathroom all the time.
Jessica Katz:I get it.
Jessica Shere:But they go knock knock knock.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. This morning, he almost came in and I closed the
Jessica Shere:door. I mean,
Jessica Katz:luckily unlocked it. I was like, just give me five minutes to put on a bra. And you're like, please.
Melissa Shere Beek:What's the most rewarding part of your day?
Jessica Shere:At night. Like, when you're done, and you're just going to bed or watching TV, and you're like, okay.
Jessica Katz:We made it to the finish We
Jessica Shere:made this day. We got the next day, but we made it through this day, and everyone's okay. Yeah. I like like walking
Jessica Katz:out that door. Like, even if I go to sit at the table and eat a bowl of cereal by myself, I'm like Right.
Melissa Shere Beek:A good day. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:Although come that moment coming home from work when he's like so excited to see me is is fun. Like when I I when he was first born, I lived in an apartment, and when I would come home from work, like his nanny would wait with him like by the entrance to the building, and he would get so excited, and it was like the best thing
Jessica Shere:ever. Oh,
Melissa Shere Beek:I love that.
Jessica Shere:That's the other thing that I lost. I don't know if you lost it, but trust. You lose a lot of trust. So it's important to have a nanny or someone like that that Yeah. You can fully trust
Jessica Katz:and I mean, she's a complete insane person.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. But that's good.
Jessica Shere:That's good though.
Jessica Katz:And she lives with me and we're all on top of each other and again, it's just Perfect. We all wanna kill each other all the time. Yeah. But that's
Jessica Shere:a family.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yes. That's what the family is.
Jessica Katz:But she loves him and he loves her. She's equally as ratchet as he is. I mean, they're totally nuts, but like it works. Can I
Jessica Shere:ask you a question? You don't have to answer it. Yeah. Would you be open to dating? Yeah, totally.
Jessica Katz:Okay. I always was. Like even after Ellie was born, I thought I would date, but then I spent two years trying to get pregnant. And when you're doing that, you're just like You so don't much want medication, and you feel like shit, and you look awful, and it's just you're not in that mindset. But you
Melissa Shere Beek:say that, but you look so beautiful. I mean, beautiful I glowing
Jessica Shere:saw your tits and I was not expecting all this.
Melissa Shere Beek:When you said you were like pregnant and like at the end of it, and I'm I wasn't expecting. You walked in and you were like a breath of fresh air. Were just like I'm
Jessica Katz:coming here
Melissa Shere Beek:every day. Glowing. It's beautiful.
Jessica Shere:You're very put together. Like, you know what you're doing, and that I admire. I don't know
Jessica Katz:that looking put together and knowing what you're doing are
Jessica Shere:necessary Well, I did not look put together. I looked not put together, and I had no idea what I was doing. Yeah. Like at least you look like you look like you got it.
Jessica Katz:Well, knew I was coming on a podcast
Melissa Shere Beek:because I
Jessica Katz:a dress and I slapped some lipstick on. No.
Melissa Shere Beek:No. You got it. Yeah. You do. You've got it.
Melissa Shere Beek:We've seen enough parents to know. You've got it.
Jessica Shere:Like you you you knew what you were getting into, and you were willing and wanting to do it.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yes. And and and The ownership of it.
Jessica Shere:It's amazing.
Melissa Shere Beek:It's amazing.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. That that I did. I definitely had an idea of what I was getting myself into. I mean, I think at the very very beginning when you were giving your introductions, you said it's like the most exhausting and rewarding Yeah. Thing.
Jessica Katz:And these are things that people tell you, but until you live them, you know Yeah. You don't know what that And it's true. Like you feel a love that you have never felt before Right. In your life, and then you feel an exhaustion and like a mental It's a mental.
Jessica Shere:It's very mental.
Jessica Katz:And like an emotional exhaustion that you've never felt before. Yeah. But so it's just it's like ups and downs like it's. Yeah. But it's glorious, but you really have to want it
Jessica Shere:in any Yeah, the emotional part was hard for me. Very hard for me.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. Well, I always say to you, I mean, you haven't heard it, but I always say to her, you're always, I think, you're always happiest, your least happiest child. So, whatever the level of their emotional state is, is where you're at at that moment. Yeah. And you can't rise until they are
Jessica Shere:at You can. Like, kid's not, you know, okay or doing well. Not okay or doing well. Right. You know?
Melissa Shere Beek:And and And you worry about it even when they are doing well. Yes. Yeah.
Jessica Shere:It's constant worry. For me, it's constant. Not worry in a bad way, but even now Yeah. Now there
Jessica Katz:are real people.
Jessica Shere:What's Sydney doing? Where's Baylen? Where's Meyer? Right. What are they doing?
Jessica Shere:Where are they at? Like it's just it it's constant.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think the baby phase has its challenges Yes. Because of the uncertainty of it all. But I think, you know, everyone always says bigger kids bigger problems, and like I just had breakfast with three of my best girlfriends, and you know, it's like once they become real people, like there's a lot of emotional there's a lot.
Jessica Katz:There's drama at the school. There you
Jessica Shere:know, there's It's very drama drama performance the
Melissa Shere Beek:in and of itself alone is a is a process.
Jessica Katz:Like someone was just telling me that for their daughter's birthday that they went with like a group of three girls, and and they were saying that the dynamic is difficult. And I was like, my mom always told me growing up that a group of three is bad news.
Jessica Shere:No. You have to be even number. Yeah. Have to be even
Melissa Shere Beek:number because they're is difference?
Jessica Katz:I got that Exactly. You know, so those are things that I'm not dealing with yet.
Jessica Shere:No. They say when they're little, it's more physically demanding. When Correct. They're older, it's more emotionally damning. Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:Demanding. I
Jessica Shere:find I found it more difficult when they were younger. Yeah. I think just because you're in this protective mode in a way that Yeah. You know, you just they're little, they don't have a lot of direction, and you just constantly wanna make sure.
Jessica Katz:Well, you're like, what the hell is going on?
Melissa Shere Beek:It's more hands on.
Jessica Shere:It's more hands on, and it's more, yeah. Like when they drive and they start to get independence, it's different.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. It's like an anxiety, but it's not like a
Jessica Shere:Right, right.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Like physical my son is only three, but he's very big and heavy and he
Jessica Shere:Oh, I had one
Jessica Katz:of those. Thinks that he's a little poodle, but he's like a German shepherd. And he just like luckily, he never wants to be carried, so that works. Oh, you lucky girl. But he's like a big kid.
Jessica Katz:He's like
Jessica Shere:independent like
Jessica Katz:you. He doesn't realize like his physical strength, which is a lot how my youngest brother was growing up. They're like total wusses, but they're huge.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. I tell the story?
Melissa Shere Beek:Jessica's youngest was a big boy. Huge. He was a lover. Just just loved his friends and he would see them and they would come to preschool and he would just be
Jessica Shere:like, and
Melissa Shere Beek:he'd go running towards them to give them a big hug and a kiss hello, but then he'd flatten them.
Jessica Katz:Yes. Because it was just like was literally happened yesterday.
Jessica Shere:Full of because they're like, his what's up?
Jessica Katz:Look at me.
Melissa Shere Beek:But he was a big boy and and he would just embrace them so much. And I thought it was she's like, I got a call from school. And I thought it was the best phone call she could have ever gotten. It's It's because he's so filled with love, but they don't recognize Yeah.
Jessica Katz:His love language is like body checking
Melissa Shere Beek:and stress.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Sure. Yes.
Jessica Shere:That's right.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. It's great.
Jessica Shere:It is.
Jessica Katz:Do you have a favorite family tradition?
Jessica Shere:Like, within my own
Melissa Shere Beek:little crew? Yeah. With your little crew?
Jessica Shere:I don't think so.
Melissa Shere Beek:Or have you established one or no?
Jessica Shere:No. But I would have to think about that one.
Jessica Katz:Okay. I don't know. He's very into like routines that he invents.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah.
Jessica Katz:So it's like, you know, every night we have to, you know, have a certain sequence of events. I kind of like love that he's militant about it because I'm like that too.
Jessica Shere:And I'm not, and I wish I was a little bit more.
Jessica Katz:I mean, I can't be anymore, but now he's my boss.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right. And then you'll
Jessica Shere:have another one be. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:The next one
Melissa Shere Beek:will So boss you
Jessica Katz:that's cute. Like, but then he's, you know, once in a while as a special treat, like he'll ask me to make cinnamon rolls. Oh. Okay. Let's be real.
Jessica Katz:They're literally the Pillsbury cinnamon rolls that you stick in the oven.
Jessica Shere:Sounds good. We're doing some
Jessica Katz:of the extent of my kitchen capability, but it's like a special thing for him.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. Love that.
Jessica Katz:So he's always like, you know, every morning he wants to go to Starbucks and get a cake pop. Oh. Yeah. That's like a whole negotiation too. Like, the other I night know.
Jessica Katz:I have a great idea. Let's go to the ice cream shop. It's a great idea. Sure. Great idea.
Jessica Katz:No. We're
Jessica Shere:not. Oh, it's closed. Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:Things are closed. They're already in bed.
Jessica Katz:Things are closed a lot. They're already in bed. The t yeah. The TV's not working. It's something we have to do every couple of weeks once Oh things are getting
Melissa Shere Beek:god.
Jessica Katz:That's very true.
Melissa Shere Beek:That's so funny.
Jessica Shere:They're careful. They're younger and it's not dark out and they're like, but it's not sleep time. And I'm like, it is.
Jessica Katz:I will say blackout shades were a priority, so I was Oh, that terrifies me that he's gonna because once he gets wind of that, it's game over.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. You're screwed
Jessica Katz:a little That's why luckily
Melissa Shere Beek:It's gonna be the second one who's gonna tell the first one
Jessica Katz:about All of my friends' second kids are complete psychos.
Jessica Shere:I'm terrified. Yeah. The the mine's the middle one, but yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:They're
Jessica Katz:not they're they're fun. Yeah. But they're the ones you really have to keep an eye on. Yeah. They're like the climbers of the Yes.
Jessica Katz:Most chubbish
Jessica Shere:Yeah. But you gotta keep them straight. Yeah. Very straight.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. Okay. I did not know that until I had my second one because my sisters are so much more younger than I am, so I was like a mom to them. When I had the second one, the first one, follow the rules, whatever it was, it's great, whatever. And they're only two years apart.
Melissa Shere Beek:Had the second one, and one day I hear over the baby monitor because I go to the kitchen to get like apple juice or whatever it is, and the first one says to the second one, Oh, mama says we're not allowed to do that. And the second one, a year and a half or two years old says, well, if you don't tell her, how's she gonna know? Yeah.
Jessica Shere:Knew her
Melissa Shere Beek:passed out in the kitchen. Was like, what the fuck? So, that second one is gonna teach your first one everything they need to know.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Like, my son is very energetic, but he's a rule follower.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah, but he'll he'll listen. Exactly.
Jessica Shere:That's her.
Melissa Shere Beek:That's me.
Jessica Katz:I'm the
Melissa Shere Beek:first one. Me too. That's me too. Else. There's nobody else to You off don't know any differently.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. You've been dragged around by adults your whole entire life, you go with the program.
Jessica Katz:Yeah, we're like the
Melissa Shere Beek:boring You don't world know all the that there's any other program to to go by. Right.
Jessica Shere:That's it.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. So
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. Okay, go for that third one.
Jessica Shere:I was just gonna say, you might have
Jessica Katz:a third Oh, no. You never know. I'm too old and I'm traumatized by this pregnancy.
Jessica Shere:No. No.
Melissa Shere Beek:It's gonna be so great. You'll forget about it. You'll forget
Jessica Katz:What's about the the I say? If I meet somebody and it happens
Jessica Shere:Okay.
Jessica Katz:Maybe. But I don't think I would like do IVF again and all that stuff. Hideous.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. But you never know. It's true.
Jessica Katz:I never say never.
Melissa Shere Beek:We're sitting here looking at you thinking it's so impressive. It's just so amazing.
Jessica Shere:It's on It is. It is. Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:Different perspective.
Jessica Shere:The fact to realize that and jump on it and follow through and do it Yeah. Is awesome. Is amazing.
Melissa Shere Beek:It's awesome. What's the best part about being a single parent?
Jessica Shere:That you know everything about your kids. Yeah. You just know everything. There's nothing left not said. You don't they know how you operate, you know how they operate.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. I think that's it.
Jessica Katz:I don't know. You get to celebrate the wins Yeah. Knowing that they're yours and theirs only. Yes. And you can name them yourself.
Jessica Katz:You can make decisions,
Jessica Shere:you know?
Melissa Shere Beek:That's it.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:You can make decisions. I just again, like a lot of people butt heads with their spouses about,
Melissa Shere Beek:you know, so I'm saying It's your decision.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Yeah. And I think the closeness and the everything is magnified, right? Is magnified. Well
Melissa Shere Beek:said. Well said.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. I know the second my kid's eyes go some way, I know something's Like, you just know. You know. Because you learn them inside and out, because they're with you twenty four hours a day. Exactly.
Jessica Shere:They're with you all the time.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. I think, yeah, like you said, you know all the nuances. What's the biggest takeaway about solo parenting that you want anybody out there listening to know?
Jessica Shere:It's not like a pity party. Yeah. You know what I mean? Agree. You get put in a role and and and it could be fabulous.
Jessica Shere:It's not necessarily like a sad thing.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. I think I'm looking at both of you. I think it is fabulous.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. I don't feel that it's sad. I actually before I did It's slippery. Worried that I would be sad, and most of the time I'm not.
Jessica Shere:No, it's probably very fulfilling.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. But I think the biggest takeaway is that like again, you have to want it and you really have to feel that you have a strong support system in every Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. I think so. I think so.
Jessica Shere:And to fall through because it's a journey. It's a journey with, know? To with Whether you're single or not with your kids.
Jessica Katz:And I also think like it's not sometimes I think it's really not that different than non single parenting.
Jessica Shere:Yeah, I agree.
Melissa Shere Beek:Did I leave anything out? Anything I anything anybody should know? Anything I should have asked?
Jessica Katz:No. Not that bad, guys.
Jessica Shere:Yeah, it just isn't. It isn't.
Melissa Shere Beek:I think it's amazing.
Jessica Shere:You look back and you feel like you've accomplished something. Mhmm. You definitely do.
Melissa Shere Beek:I have.
Jessica Shere:Absolutely. Yeah, but you you you feel it at a certain point, and I I didn't feel it for a long time. Just felt like you were going. Were You just You're
Melissa Shere Beek:surviving the day.
Jessica Shere:You survived the day. Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:I think in your case also, you really I mean, I don't know the details of your circumstances, but any divorce situation, you have to take take care of yourself. Right. Also, and that's a huge huge part of it, and probably balancing that and keeping your kids afloat is a Yeah. Whole other
Jessica Shere:I mean, you saw like for instance, I had to get new insurance. The insurance worked for my kids. I never checked it for myself because I was like, my kids got it, I'm good. None of my doctors now take it. So now I'm in a really crappy situation, but like, you just don't think of yourself in those houses.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. You
Jessica Shere:just, you go with what. You don't. Yeah. It's whatever the kids.
Melissa Shere Beek:I know because when I asked both of you what you do to prioritize
Jessica Katz:You saw your faces.
Melissa Shere Beek:Both of you are like,
Jessica Shere:Yeah, like what do mean prioritize?
Melissa Shere Beek:What? I was like, what do you do for yourself?
Jessica Shere:How Well, they do
Melissa Shere Beek:you prioritize self care? And you're like
Jessica Shere:I mean, as they get older, you'll see.
Jessica Katz:Right. You have
Melissa Shere Beek:more I time to thought, okay, do that's not on the top of your to do list.
Jessica Katz:Yeah, you just don't prioritize.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. Because that's
Jessica Katz:not to say it doesn't happen, but you don't prioritize. Right.
Jessica Shere:And any free time I got, I just wanted to sit and watch TV and not do anything.
Jessica Katz:And people don't understand that.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right.
Jessica Shere:And you wanna talk to anyone. Right. If I had any free time, I'm sitting there
Jessica Katz:watching Or I'm asleep.
Jessica Shere:Some show on Netflix that doesn't mean anything. Right. You
Melissa Shere Beek:wanna bed
Jessica Katz:you out.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. Yeah. Yes. That's what you do with Shop
Jessica Katz:your online. Yes. Never check out.
Jessica Shere:Right. Oh, that happens all the time. Amazon and you leave somewhere, you're like, ugh.
Jessica Katz:And then you're like, please show me all the things I need to buy for no reason.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right. Just because.
Jessica Shere:I love it.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. I love it.
Jessica Shere:But it's rewarding. It's rewarding.
Jessica Katz:It is. It is.
Melissa Shere Beek:I love that. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you both. Thank you.
Jessica Katz:You're so much. This was
Melissa Shere Beek:This was fabulous. Thank you. This was amazing. It was great conversation. I'm glad that you were here.
Melissa Shere Beek:Both of you were Yeah.
Jessica Katz:Glad you're here because we're like totally different situations.
Melissa Shere Beek:I know.
Jessica Shere:I love that. But love it's nice because I feel like I can still relate to what you're saying. Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:Are you game for one more thing? Okay, so at the end of my episodes, you already know this, I like to do a thing called Quickie Questions.
Jessica Katz:Okay.
Melissa Shere Beek:Alright. You ready? Yeah, let's do it. Okay. What's your favorite childhood memory?
Jessica Katz:Sunday is going to pick up bagels and going to the beach with my grandparents.
Jessica Shere:Oh, that's nice. That's such
Melissa Shere Beek:a good one.
Jessica Katz:The bagels haven't changed so much.
Jessica Shere:That's a
Melissa Shere Beek:good one. Like that one. Yeah. What about you?
Jessica Shere:I think just being with my sisters and stuff. Think that's just made me happy.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. Yeah. Sounds good.
Jessica Shere:That was like my favorite. Because it always was fun. So whatever That's what we were doing.
Jessica Katz:That third kid.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah, we did have a good time.
Jessica Shere:We did. Did. Totally. Was nice. Was probably the same with your brother.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. The best. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:The best.
Melissa Shere Beek:What's your proudest moment?
Jessica Shere:I'll go.
Jessica Katz:Think
Jessica Shere:Nasya, I think when I sent my first son to college, like,
Jessica Katz:know
Jessica Shere:from there on out, he's, like, not on his own, but he's on his own. And I think I was like, shit. Like, he was smart. He's a nice kid. He's respectful.
Jessica Shere:There was just a lot of good qualities that I saw, and that I saw my other kids, but I was like,
Jessica Katz:Oh, this is I very did
Jessica Shere:Like, it's not over, but like, I got them through, like
Melissa Shere Beek:You launched an incredible human being.
Jessica Shere:Thanks. It's still difficult though, but yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:That is a wonderful proud moment.
Jessica Shere:It is. It is. But one that you can continue to have over and over again. It is. It's nice.
Jessica Shere:You'll you probably feel the same way. It's just you know, when you do it, you don't you just do it. You sometimes don't even process or think about it. You just go. So, like, when you finally got a kid off, you're like, damn.
Jessica Shere:Like, and not, you know, and he was healthy and happy.
Melissa Shere Beek:You did well.
Jessica Shere:You did, and you just are like, thank God. Thank God, you know, my kids are healthy and happy and you got them through.
Jessica Katz:It's not God.
Melissa Shere Beek:Was just gonna say thank you too, you did Yeah. It's God, but also you.
Jessica Shere:Right. Yeah. No. That's why I respect Jessica so much, because I went in having a husband, and knowing I was gonna have kids with that husband, and knowing that you made a decision based solely on how you felt and what you thought you could do is just amazing, you know? It just it is.
Jessica Shere:I I it's very rewarding.
Melissa Shere Beek:It's strength, it's courage.
Jessica Shere:It's strength, But the fact that she you knew yourself so well and you knew you could do it, this isn't like a one year commitment, like Right.
Jessica Katz:This is a forever commitment. But because of my age, I was able to see that it was better to do it on my own than to do it with the wrong person.
Jessica Shere:I totally agree. I
Jessica Katz:totally And I have the luxury of like time and experience. And I dated plenty, and there were people I liked. But I was like, really is this the person that I wanna Right. Be with forever? That I wanna like share my closet space with?
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Right. Be a kid with? And like You
Jessica Shere:were smart about it. You know,
Jessica Katz:but that's not something when I was in my twenties, I wanted to like probably marry every guy that I dated because what did I know? But We all did. Yeah. And a lot of people did. And sometimes it works out great and sometimes it doesn't.
Jessica Katz:But I think Me. Yeah. You know, you kind of either grow together or grow apart. So I think that being able to make that decision at that point in my life, I was like and I do still feel optimistic that like one day I will date and like meet I think almost having kids makes it easier to date in my at my age in a way. Because I was finding that I got to an age sorry, I know this was supposed to be the
Jessica Shere:end.
Melissa Shere Beek:No. No. I love I've Did digress? This is fabulous. Digress.
Jessica Shere:Go all you want.
Jessica Katz:I think like any guy who's dating a woman in her thirties, let's say, immediately assumes that that woman wants to get married tomorrow and have kids.
Jessica Shere:Right.
Jessica Katz:And I did want those things, but no guy assumes that a woman is gonna make the distinction between the right and wrong person to
Jessica Shere:do that Right.
Jessica Katz:So and I you feel that. Like if you're self aware, like you feel when a guy has created a narrative Right. Around that. And then in some cases, just like knew that I liked them, but I wasn't
Melissa Shere Beek:Not in a lifetime of love. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:And as I've, you know, said before, even when you really deeply deeply love somebody, it's still difficult.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right.
Jessica Shere:I think you open yourself up for like the perfect guy to walk in and and got all of you.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah.
Jessica Shere:You know what I mean?
Melissa Shere Beek:Guess this is like how people
Jessica Katz:get divorced, so maybe I'll meet someone.
Jessica Shere:No, you definitely will. You definitely will.
Melissa Shere Beek:I think kudos to you for knowing what you want and going for it.
Jessica Katz:Everyone everything happens as it's
Melissa Shere Beek:supposed Yeah. I agree with that.
Jessica Katz:I've always believed
Jessica Shere:You may not see it at first. But eventually, do see it.
Melissa Shere Beek:I think everything works out for a reason. So, proudest moment, all of it.
Jessica Shere:Oh, yeah. She needs Jessica needs to go.
Jessica Katz:I don't know, like the other day they did those plates they make in school, and his, he had written his name on it, and I had never seen him write his name.
Jessica Shere:That's so sweet.
Jessica Katz:Jessica might go home and have a fourth. I'm like, missed that. Or a martini.
Jessica Shere:I'm like, we're friends now
Jessica Katz:because I want to see your kids.
Melissa Shere Beek:Right. That's it. You just got another part of your committee.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. He's all in. He's all
Jessica Shere:in. I would love to.
Melissa Shere Beek:What's the last thing you do before you go to bed?
Jessica Katz:Check the monitor.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah.
Jessica Shere:Yeah, probably. Now? Well, when they well, I still go around and make sure every door is locked. Yeah. Because you just Yeah.
Jessica Shere:You got to.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Oh, yeah. Set the alarm.
Jessica Shere:Right. And that's all gone. I I just fall asleep now. I don't even know when I I fall like watching the TV with someone, and I just fall asleep.
Jessica Katz:That's it.
Jessica Shere:You're out. Yeah, I'm out.
Melissa Shere Beek:You're out.
Jessica Shere:I'm
Melissa Shere Beek:out. Okay. What do you look forward to as your children grow?
Jessica Shere:Seeing what they do, like seeing how they live their life, seeing what they do, how they work, who they choose, just all of that. It's ever evolving, so you know? Yeah.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. I think just the curiosity and looking forward to like the kind of people that they become. Yeah. Yeah. Alright.
Jessica Katz:Hearing your stories, I feel like I have a
Jessica Shere:lot to look forward to. You do.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. You
Jessica Shere:definitely do. And and I didn't date really. It was very difficult. Yeah. You know, and you also don't wanna bring someone home and Yeah.
Jessica Shere:You know, you have your kids get close, and then that you break up, and then it's another thing for your kids, so
Jessica Katz:And it's just into the mindset of like, saying like, okay, I'm ready to date. I've always said, if somebody wanted to set me up at any point
Jessica Shere:I was like, I gotta find someone for you. I wanna find like the best guy for you.
Jessica Katz:My only qualification is that he has to have health insurance. Okay. Okay. I joke, and I'm like, I was sick of waiting for a nice Jewish boy with health insurance. No.
Jessica Shere:But I hope he has health insurance.
Jessica Katz:Okay. And I'm like, I have my own very good health insurance coverage, but I need somebody who has a stable employment situation
Jessica Shere:that prevents Right. You're like, hon, I'm not putting you on my insurance right away. That ain't happening.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. I'm not yeah. I'm not looking for another kid at this point in my life.
Jessica Shere:No. It gets Right. It's it's very rewarding now, and and the years go by so quickly.
Melissa Shere Beek:Wait. What does mom say? I don't wanna be a nurse or a purse? Yeah. I like Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:I don't wanna be a nurse or a purse. Yeah. You don't wanna be a nurse or a purse.
Jessica Shere:Okay.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. Yeah. I like that.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm into dating just I just know it's not time yet.
Melissa Shere Beek:Okay. I think again, like you said before, everything happens at the right
Jessica Katz:time and the right place
Melissa Shere Beek:for the right
Jessica Katz:reason. To get my second kid in school and then
Jessica Shere:Okay. You never know though, Jessica.
Jessica Katz:I'm open to it. But my point is I don't think that I'll be actively seeking it out.
Jessica Shere:Right. I hear what you're saying.
Melissa Shere Beek:I'm what if you would be a nice Jewish doctor in the delivery world That
Jessica Shere:has insurance. That has
Jessica Katz:Oh my gosh.
Melissa Shere Beek:His own insurance.
Jessica Katz:Two of the doctors at my OB practice are so hot and I'm like, please don't let them be Are
Jessica Shere:they ones to stinging? Blame
Jessica Katz:No. I I have no idea. No.
Melissa Shere Beek:That's so funny.
Jessica Shere:If they
Jessica Katz:saw me in labor, I would be mortified.
Melissa Shere Beek:No. They're at all.
Jessica Katz:That's their profession. They don't think about it way. Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:It's like
Jessica Shere:they see it all the time.
Jessica Katz:They don't care.
Melissa Shere Beek:Doctors don't think of bodies that way.
Jessica Katz:They don't.
Melissa Shere Beek:It's a whole different thing.
Jessica Katz:But like imagine having a hot guy delivering your baby. Okay. That's good.
Jessica Shere:I'd be like, yeah, baby.
Jessica Katz:I don't know what I would be doing. Oh my god.
Melissa Shere Beek:You'd be like, what's your name? Okay. That's your name now.
Jessica Katz:That's true.
Melissa Shere Beek:I know Jessica at the delivery room. She like, come on.
Jessica Shere:I have a c section though.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. It's okay. So funny.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. I did wanna name my first child Charles Barkley, and and every everybody vetoed that including my doctor. Oh, that's so funny. Wait. Do you know what you're having?
Jessica Shere:Boy. Oh, you have two little eyes.
Jessica Katz:That's so
Melissa Shere Beek:that's her favorite thing in the whole world.
Jessica Katz:She loves her bun.
Jessica Shere:Yeah. They're so I love my daughter. Of course, two boys, but oh my god. They're just the easiest best.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Oh. I thought I I didn't choose what I was having, but I was hoping Yeah. It would a
Jessica Shere:I know.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. Oh, so you're already prepared. You know what to expect.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. Hand me downs.
Jessica Shere:Oh my god. Do not buy anything for the boys. Expensive for
Jessica Katz:all All my friends have boys, so my son wears only hand me everything he wears, he knows who got it for him.
Jessica Shere:I mean, they get so dirty. Yes. I stick them in a white onesie
Jessica Katz:and that's it. I I'm hand me downs Oh, everything has to be Machine
Jessica Shere:wash. Washable. Yes.
Jessica Katz:Those are my qualifications.
Melissa Shere Beek:Machine washable.
Jessica Katz:Like, we're not doing any of that frilly,
Melissa Shere Beek:you know, Old Navy? No. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:Target, Old Navy. Short shirts.
Melissa Shere Beek:When my kids were little, it was the Gap. That was it. It was like everything that could go in
Jessica Katz:I wash was like, the Gap's a little hard
Melissa Shere Beek:to see. We're going back thirty some odd years. Yeah. But like, the gap was like the only thing around that. Like, you could Now really
Jessica Shere:it's like We have a
Jessica Katz:few j crew hand me downs. That's the real that's the black tie. J crew was The black tie situation.
Melissa Shere Beek:That's so funny.
Jessica Shere:Oh, I had so much clothes. I could have given you so many. I
Jessica Katz:have You should see. It's Yeah.
Jessica Shere:But don't even worry till they're older to get like decent clothes.
Jessica Katz:Also, he grows all the time.
Jessica Shere:Yes. There's
Jessica Katz:no point. Every shirt is like a crop top after.
Jessica Shere:And you'll hands him down. Yeah.
Jessica Katz:Yeah. For sure. Exactly.
Jessica Shere:I love it.
Melissa Shere Beek:I love Yeah.
Jessica Shere:See, it's fun when they're lit. I
Jessica Katz:miss Listen, I do have a little bit of like leopard print and bow envy for sure, but So, I have a leopard you know, time I see her, I'm like, you're gonna get it all. Yeah.
Melissa Shere Beek:You can brother dote on her. Know
Jessica Katz:has a daughter, and she's so cute and so fun to dress.
Melissa Shere Beek:Oh, you could dote on
Jessica Katz:her. Totally. And I will.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. That's good. Auntie status is good. Totally. I was
Jessica Katz:obsessed with my aunts growing up.
Melissa Shere Beek:Oh, I
Jessica Katz:love it. Ants are the best.
Melissa Shere Beek:Yeah. That's it.
Jessica Shere:It is.
Melissa Shere Beek:Well, thank you both. Thank you I'm so so appreciative that you're here. We had we had a little tumult before we all got here, but we all survived.
Jessica Katz:We made it.
Melissa Shere Beek:There were no births. All our body parts are intact, we are here.
Jessica Katz:We made it.
Melissa Shere Beek:Thank you. We did.
Jessica Shere:Thank you.
Melissa Shere Beek:So much. I appreciate it. To our listeners, thank you so much. So grateful you're here. Keep listening, keep learning, keep laughing, keep up with Beek on being.
Melissa Shere Beek:Follow beek on being on Instagram for the latest. To share thoughts, ideas, suggestions, or nominate a guest, DM us. Want exclusive content, behind the scenes stories, listener links? Subscribe. Listen to Beek on being wherever you get your podcasts.
Melissa Shere Beek:All episodes are automatically transcribed. Big shout out and a huge thank you to Steven Chen. Yay, Steven.
Jessica Katz:He's gonna be a guest next time.
Melissa Shere Beek:Oh, it. At Penthouse Studios.
Jessica Shere:I'll try to get him.
Melissa Shere Beek:Beek on being was recorded at Penthouse Studios and is a proud member of the Penthouse Podcast Network. Follow Beek on being on Instagram for the latest. To share ideas, thoughts, suggestions, or nominate a guest, DM us. Want exclusive content, behind the scenes stories, and listener links?
Melissa Shere Beek:Subscribe. Beek on being was recorded at Penthouse Studios and is a proud member of the Penthouse Podcast Network.