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The Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe Podcast Collection is the one-stop shop for the Torah inspiration shared by Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe in one simple feed. The Jewish Inspiration Podcast, Parsha Review Podcast, Thinking Talmudist Podcast, Living Jewishly Podcast and Unboxing Judaism Podcast all in one convenient place. Enjoy!
00:03 - Intro (Announcement)
You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of Torch in Houston, Texas. This is the Thinking Talmudist Podcast.
00:12 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
All right, welcome back everybody. Welcome back to the Thinking Talmudist. Today we're going to continue with a very special piece of Gemara from the seventh chapter in the Talmud of Bava Mitzia, on page 84a. In the Talmud of Bava Mitzia, on page 84a. We mentioned last week. We started talking about Reb Yochanan and Rish Lakish. Today we're going to talk about their incredible relationship, really an incredible relationship of these two people. Yom HaChadah, the Gemara, says that one day Reb Yochanan was swimming in the Jordan River.
00:47
I don't know if you've ever been to the Jordan River, but it's actually a very incredible thing. The Jordan River, just for a second, feeds water into the Sea of Galilee and then continues into the Dead Sea. It's amazing because the Sea of Galilee has very sweet water, delicious water, and, as you know, the Dead Sea. You don't drink that water because it's extremely, extremely salty and if you drink it you might end up dead, right, so it's not a good option. So the obvious question is if the water of the Dead Sea is being fed by the Sea of Galilee, it should be sweet, just like the Sea of Galilee water, but it isn't. It should be sweet just like the Sea of Galilee water, but it isn't. Sages tell us something really beautiful, and that is the Sea of Galilee is sweet because it's a giver. The Dead Sea is bitter because it's only a taker. The Sea of Galilee gives. It keeps on giving its water. It gets from the Jordan River and then it continues to give it further to the Dead Sea. But the Dead Sea stops right there, it doesn't give anymore. A giver is always sweet. A giver always has a wonderful countenance and a love for life, someone who's only a taker. It's bitter. It's just a side note, a very interesting thing to Okay.
02:32
So he was swimming, reb Yochanan was swimming in the Jordan River, chazi Rishlokish Rishlokish, who was a highway robber, he was a thief. He sees Rish Lakish, he saw him, v'shvur liyardana abasrei and he decides he's going to jump into the Jordan after Rish Lakish, after Rabbi Yochanan Amar lei. Rabbi Yochanan saw the display of vitality and said to him he says your energy, your strength, you know where you should really put that strength, not into robbing people. You should use that energy, that enthusiasm, to the study of Torah Omar Lehi. Rish Lakish said back to him that enthusiasm to the study of Torah Omar Leirish Lakish said back to him. Shufu L'Nashi says Rabbi Yochanan, your beauty. You know what you should use your beauty for? For women. Because, remember we mentioned last week Rabbi Yochanan was really, really beautiful. He was a really handsome person. And here Rish Lakish says back to him you should use your beauty for women. You're giving me advice, I'll give you some advice. Amalai, rebbe Yochanan said to him. He says, if you repent? Rebbe Yochanan says to Rish Lakish if you repent from your ways, I will give you my sister, and not only that, she's more beautiful than I am.
04:12
What happened? Rish Lakish then wanted to return back to the shore and get his clothes. He was unable to muster the strength to do so. He became weak. He couldn't get back. Rabbi Yochanan afterwards taught him the Torah, he taught him the Mishnah and he made him into a great man.
04:47
A couple of very interesting points before we continue this story. First is what happened. He had tremendous energy. He ran after I don't even know why he's going after Rabbi Yochanan. Like what are you? The guy is swimming in the Jordan River. Like, what are you going to get from him?
05:04
Usually, people don't carry their riches with them when they're swimming. Usually, you're in your most compromised state when you're in the pool, when you're in the river, when you're in the ocean, wherever you are, when you're in water, you don't typically take your Apple Watch. Maybe your Apple Watch is waterproof, but if you want to rob somebody, that's not the ideal place. So what is Rish Lakish thinking? Jumping after a Biokhanan? That's number one. Number two is why did he suddenly not have strength anymore? Why did he suddenly? What happened that now he had no more strength to go back to the shore? He's like he came in with an energetic jump, dives right into the Jordan River and then he doesn't. He's weak, he can't get back to the shore. So important things here to see. Number one is that we'll start from the second one first, and that is it says.
06:11
The Talmud says that the Torah makes you weak. The Torah makes you weak. It's very interesting that it says that someone who's weak and not feeling well, someone who's not well, someone who is ill, go study Torah, because that's the healer of everything. But we also see almost contradictory that someone who studies Torah becomes weak. It's known why. What does Torah do to a person? The Torah completely consumes a person.
06:52
Torah is not another subject in the five subject notebook. Oh, you open up, you have math, you have science, you have history. Oh, you also have Torah. No, torah is a transformative medication. It says it's a sam hachaim, it's a medication for life. You want life, then that's what the Torah is.
07:16
The Torah gives you life, but there's two different lives that one can be focused in. The person can be focused in a spiritual life or in a physical life and, as our sages teach us, they don't work well together. You got to pick one or the other. If you're going to invest in the spiritual life, it's going to weaken your physical life. If you're going to invest in your physical life, it's going to weaken your spiritual life. It's a sliding scale. One goes up, the other goes down. You cannot.
07:51
What people try to do and this is what America has tried to infuse into our culture is that you can also be poor and drive a Bentley. Wow, make payments. I can't afford it, but I'm going to. You know. They give you a way that even the poor person can buy a house that he can't afford, which is a big problem. Right, that's why we had the mortgages, the mortgage crisis in 2008. They attributed it to getting people into homes they were not able to afford. They played with the rates and they played with the afford, they played with the rates and they played with the payments and they played with this and that, and then you had all of these homes that were being foreclosed on. It was really. It was a disaster. This is the challenge is that we're trying to get the best of both worlds.
08:42
The Torah says the study of Torah doesn't come with riches. There were very few who were extremely wealthy and also had Torah Very few. You see, in the Talmud, the Talmud relates some of these individuals, individuals. It wasn't a common thing. Yet when someone is invested in the study of Torah, it weakens their physical pursuits, it weakens their physical abilities, and I think that this is what the Talmud here is hinting to us someone who studies Torah, they become invested in. What did he do? He didn't even study Torah, he just accepted upon himself. I'm heading in this direction. This is the direction I want to head in. Already he was weakened. That's the way Torah works. Torah overtakes the external desires, the external pursuits, the external desires, the external pursuits, the external distractions that constantly battle for a person. You know, it's a very interesting thing.
09:54
If you want to fall asleep at night, you're having trouble, insomnia. You can't fall asleep. Study some Torah. You'll fall asleep in a minute. Right, because the Yetzirah will do anything for you not to study Torah. You'll fall asleep in a minute. Right, because the Yetzirah will do anything for you not to study Torah. Try it. It's proven to work. You have insomnia. Instead of selling pills, instead of giving you treatments, instead of giving you, just open up a Talmud, start learning Halacha, start learning the Parsha, start learning a Mishnah. I'm telling you, in no time you'll be asleep. It's even more effective if you read it in Hebrew. That's right, and you try to do it in Hebrew, definitely, definitely. This is the challenge of our spiritual pursuits. It's never going to be easy. It's never going to be easy Because, if it's so valuable, the Yetzirah is going to be easy. It's never going to be easy Because, if it's so valuable, the Yetzirah is going to fight you.
10:47
My grandfather says the minute you open up the cover of the Talmud, you start daydreaming. Suddenly, you know there's a verse. There's a verse we say. It's in Psalms. King David wrote a beautiful psalm that we say daily, psalm number 20. And at the end he says it says as follows some with chariots and some with horses, but we, in the name of Hashem, our God, we call out.
11:23
So many commentaries ask what's going on over here? What's King David talking about? They said Hasidic masters say that this is King David talking about how we travel the world. How do people travel the world? Some with chariots, some with horses. But do you know how we travel the world? Some with chariots, some with horses. But do you know how we travel the world? In the name of Hashem, our God, we call out. We start learning Torah. We start learning Torah and suddenly we're traveling. We're in Paris, right, we're at the Great Wall in China. Suddenly our imagination goes all over the place. Why? The Yetzirah doesn't want you to focus. They're counter forces. The force of Torah is always countered with the force of materialism, the force of distraction, the force. It's always going like that, back and forth.
12:27
And this is what happened when he accepted upon himself the yoke of Torah in the water still in the Jordan, with Rebbe Yochanan. Reish Lakish says yes, I'm willing to do it for your sister, even if it wasn't the right reason, wasn't the right motive. Already he was weakened physically because the yoke of Torah is upon a person. This is an astonishing thing to know. The other part, which is why did he pursue him?
13:00
You know, we always say I've heard people say this throughout my lifetime it was, I happened to be there, it was such a coincidence, I was such, you know, it was so random. No such thing, there's no random, there's no coincidence. There's no such thing. You know they say that the word mikre, which is mem kuf resh, he is two words combined it's rak mehashem, only from God. Mikre means happenstance, it means coincidence in Hebrew, but if you take that word, it's rak mehashem, only from God. There's no such thing as random. There's no such thing as random. There's no such thing as oh, I was at an event and I happened to meet someone. I ended up falling in love and that was my wife. It was no random event. God put you there to be there at that place, at that time. You get that job from a random person you met at a random event. Someone told you where did you meet that person? Oh, it was in the elevator and they happened to mention there was some event, some party, some this that I went there, I ended up getting my job, I got my career, I met my wife and this and that All these things.
14:15
There's no coincidence, it's all the hand of Hashem that places us exactly where we need to be, and he needed to be right there at the shore near the Jordan River and jump into the water. He saw somebody there. Maybe he thought that Reb Yochanan was drowning. Maybe he thought Reb Yochanan who knows he was there God wanted him to wake up. God wanted him to be there. How many people were? Coincidence had it that they had an off day on September 11th and they weren't in the office. The office was out that day.
14:53
There were many, many stories, many, many stories of lives that were saved. Obviously, it's unfortunate for those that weren't, and that's Hashem's decree. We'll never understand that, but if we look into our lives, we can see so much of the hand of Hashem. Hashem is like the puppet master pulling things around. We're looking at the show and we see that they're raising their hand and putting it down, and they're doing this and they're doing that. What we don't see is the puppet master who's behind the screen pulling all of the strings, and that's the almighty.
15:30
Sometimes we think we say something and then we think back. Why in the world would I say that? It's such a nasty thing to say. Why would I say that sometimes, and we have to learn to apologize when we make mistakes, but sometimes Hashem puts words into our mouth that the other person needs to hear and sometimes it could be a wake up call for us that we have to be more careful. Either way, there's a lot to talk about in this topic, but here Rish Lakish was placed exactly where he needed to be to get the inspiration from Rebbe Yochanan to accept upon himself the yoke of heaven, To then be weak and then go and study Torah with Rebbe Yochanan. And what did he learn? What was he focused on? Scripture and Mishnah. Mishnah includes in that Talmud Scripture and Mishnah, if anybody wantsmud Scripture and Mishnah, if anybody wants to learn.
16:26
People always ask me I'm interested in learning. Don't take it from a fire hose and don't rush anything. Thank you so much. Don't rush anything. Open up the Torah. The Torah speaks for itself. The Torah doesn't, by the way.
16:42
People ask me what do you do to persuade someone speaks for itself. The Torah doesn't I, by the way, people ask me what? What do you do to persuade someone to learn more, to connect more, to like? What's your sales pitch? I'm like me sales pitch. I have no sales pitch. I'm not trying to.
16:56
Hashem has a sales pitch. It's in His Torah, in every word of the Torah, where Hashem Torah, where Hashem in His own Torah gives us all the reasons why it's the greatest life to live. Torah itself it sells itself and Hashem says exactly what the Torah is. It's exactly the Torah itself. If you look in the book of Exodus and in the portion of Yisro when the Jewish people are receiving the Torah at Mount Sinai, see how Hashem Himself defines the Torah. It's the most amazing gift in the world. I don't know, I'm not a salesman. It's like almost someone trying to sell a car. I'm sold on the car. Just give me a good price. That's what we want, right? I'm sold on the car. You don't have to sell me more. Just work out the finances. That it works All right.
17:56
The narrative now continues. The Talmud now continues. Yom HaChadah, one day, many years later. Now, who is Rish Lakish? Now he's a great scholar. Already he became a very, very prominent individual. Yom HaChadah, one day, many years later Hava Mifligi, beimidrosh, beimidrosh.
18:16
They were disputing a point in the study hall. They were studying, they were learning something. The Mishnah states as follows HaSayif, hasakin, hapigyon, the sword and the knife and the hunting gear, ver, and the military spear and the hand sickle and the harvesting sickle. From what point are they capable of becoming Tame? At what point are they? A vessel that can now become Tame, can become defiled in the realm of holiness, can become defiled in the realm of holiness. So is it from the time of the completion of their production. And at what point is the completion of their production?
19:08
Rabbi Yochanan says when you fuse together the metals in the furnace. So today, the way they do it, they solder it together. They have this. You see them doing it with fencing, I don't know what they call it, what they weld it together. So when it's welded together, that's when it becomes a vessel that's able. It becomes a vessel that's able to be a. It's an actual vessel. At that time, that's when it becomes something. Till then it was just scrap metal. Now it became something. Rish Lakish says no, that's not when it becomes a vessel. It actually becomes a vessel when it becomes polished in water, after it's welded together. Now you clean it, now it's a vessel. When it becomes polished in water, after it's welded together now you clean it, now it's a vessel, says Rish Lakish. So what does Rabbi Yochanan say listen to this.
20:06
Rabbi Yochanan says to his brother in law, rish Lakish he says a thief knows the tools of thievery. He says he says a thief knows the tools of thievery. He says. He says you know, you know what makes a vessel, because these are your tools. Replied to him and how have you benefited me? He says I taught you about vessels. How did you benefit me? I taught you something. What did you teach me?
20:43
This is where Shlokesh answers back, and of course Rabbi Yochanan didn't mean it in a nasty way. He meant it in you have to go to a craftsman to learn about the craft. Right, if you want to learn take you know about engines who do you go to? You go to a mechanic. A mechanic will tell you everything about an engine. Right, you don't go to a librarian to ask about engines. You go to someone who. That's what they deal with. You go to a librarian to ask where to find the book. You know which book has the best review. You have to go to the craftsman. See, he wasn't saying it in a nasty way, but apparently Rish Lakish took it as a nasty way.
21:34
So what is Rav Yochanan's answer back? He says I benefited you in that I brought you under the wings of the Divine Presence. I brought you under the wings of the Divine Presence. I ask you, my dear friends, what is the greatest gift that anyone can benefit from you? Put them on the path, right, they say. More important than giving someone fish is teaching them how to fish More important than giving someone a piece of advice for one specific issue. Put them on the path so that they can continue to flourish and grow.
22:25
You know what's the job of parenting, what's the job of parenting? The job of parent and, by the way, for teachers, the job of parent and, by the way, for teachers. The job of parenting is to give your children the tools to succeed in life and face their own challenges, so that they shouldn't be calling you back every 10 minutes oh dad, what do I do? Oh, dad, you know that's very unhealthy A child. What's that? Right, you have to give your child the tools they need so that they can go face the world, they can face challenges and learn how to solve problems themselves. That's, by the way, the job of educators. A job of an educator is not to keep your student dependent on you.
23:09
When we went to yeshiva, it was very interesting how the study in yeshiva works. How does the study in yeshiva work? All right, I'm not talking about the early days, where you're just teaching them to read. You're teaching them to learn, you're giving them the basics of ideas, of knowledge, a foundation, a foundation of general wisdom. You're trying to, at least at an older age. I remember when I was in, I would say well, like university years, college years.
23:41
So every morning my rabbi would have an outline not an outline but a source sheet that he would give, and it would be, for example, learn the first 12 lines of the Talmud. And then, obviously, you'd look at the first commentaries of Rashi and Tosafot, which is right there on the page, and then you would say, okay, look at this source and look at that source, and look at this source and look at that source, look at this source, look at that source. You have three hours to do that and after those three hours sometimes four hours you would have a lecture from the rabbi every day on those 12 lines and all of the commentaries and what he wanted you to understand from it. What he wanted you to mean is there's a dilemma here. There's a dilemma, there's a problem that we're trying to address. These are the questions, these are the answers, this is the solution and this is the way you need to look at it. And it would be a robust argument Every day between the students and the rabbi Learning how to learn, learning how to understand, not to just read it.
24:52
Well, this is what he says. This is what he says no, no, no. What's he trying to get out of here? To learn to understand? And it was invaluable to be able to be in the presence of someone who has such incredible clarity, who has such depth of understanding and guiding you every single day. Well, it just looks two-dimensional, it's black letters on white paper. That's what it looks like. It's just yeah, no, it becomes suddenly three-dimension and even four-dimension. It becomes suddenly such an incredible wow, I didn't see that in there. I didn't see all that. Why I didn't see that in there? I didn't see all that.
25:38
I think sometimes there are cultures, there are movements that just want people to stay ignorant, don't know how to make a living, don't know how to fix cars, don't know how to do things. It's okay that someone things. It's okay, someone will do it for you. And there's a lack of self-sufficiency in the way people live their lives. A person, yeah, it's very nice to eat at a restaurant, but you don't know how to cook anything. And then you have COVID, where restaurants are closed. Heaven forbid, it should never, ever be such a thing again. But it's a serious problem. What do I do? I don't know where to start. A person needs to train themselves to be self-sufficient.
26:35
I want to share with you that my grandfather never let us hold his tefillin for him. We'd walk home from shul with my grandfather every day. His tefillin, his talis, he would hold it in his hand. My grandfather was in his 90s. He wouldn't let us hold it for him. Not only that, he would walk up the stairs and down the stairs. He wouldn't hold on to the railing. He didn't want to become dependent on something Self-sufficiency. I'd come to his house. He was adjusting the leafs of the table to make it bigger or smaller depending on how many people were by him for Shabbos. He wouldn't let anybody help him. He wants to be self-sufficient and that's why, till the very end, he had no pity on himself, did it, did it himself, didn't let anybody do it for him Anything. Why? Because once you become dependent, you almost don't know how to go back to be independent.
27:37
Once you become dependent it's not just, by the way, this, this world today, where you have so many people on all of these, uh, these program, government programs, what do they call it? More than welfare, they call it um, there's a name for it that they, uh, that they give entitlements, entitlements, that it's. People don't feel good about themselves when they don't give Entitlements, entitlements, people don't feel good about themselves when they don't earn something. Not that we shouldn't help the destitute. We should help them. We're obligated to. The Torah teaches us to do that.
28:09
But if you take away the joy of accomplishment, you've killed a society when someone doesn't wake up with an ambition to go get a job, to go, and do you know what? You start off filling up the bags in the supermarket. That's fine. And then you work your way up to a cashier and you work your way up to a floor manager and a store manager. You work your way up. You wake up with a purpose we're taking away by these. And again, I'm for entitlement programs. Now, I don't want to call it entitlement programs, but welfare, to make sure that the welfare of every single person, the destitute, the poor, the underprivileged, that they have, every single person, the destitute, the poor, the underprivileged that they have, but to not create a culture where people are dependent on society, dependent on others. We want our children to grow to be self-sufficient so that they can go, get a job and they can earn a living and they can succeed without constantly getting a handout. That's what we want our children to be and this is some of the things that we can learn here from our Talmud. The Talmud now continues on the bottom of page 84a in tractate Bav Mitzia Chol ashtayteh, rebbe Yochanan.
29:34
Rebbe Yochanan became disheartened because Rish Lakish. Rish Lakish's response, he took it to heart. He didn't mean to hurt him, he didn't mean to insult him. He got very sad that he had hurt Rish Lakish. Cholash Rish Lakish. Rish Lakish became seriously ill. Why? It says it was divine retribution for having pained Rabbi Yochanan. To pain a sage, to cause pain to someone who's so righteous, especially someone who taught you so much Torah, taught Rishlakish all of the Torah that he knows caused him terrible pain. He became seriously ill.
30:17
Asayi achse, rabbi Yochanan's sister, who was Rish Lakish's wife, came before Rabbi Yochanan, kabach Yo. She cried and pleaded with him to pray for Rish Lakish's recovery. Amrele, she said to him asayi, b'shvil, b'nei, act for the sake of my children, prevent their father from dying. Don't do it for his merit, don't do it for my merit, do it for his children, that his children not be orphans. Amar L'Rei. Rebbe Yochanan replied to her with a verse Ozva y'so mecha ani echyeh, leave your orphans, I will sustain them, so he said. So she said do it for me that I not become a widow, he said to her and let your widows trust in me, which is Hashem, referring to the widows. Rabbi Shimon ben Lokesh passed away.
31:23
The Gemara here says that Rabbi Yochanan was unwilling to forgive Rabbi Shimon ben Lokesh this perceived offense because of its fundamentally destructive nature. If a student is disdained, is disdainful of his rabbi, then he has removed himself from that rabbi's care and guidance. Indeed, he has thereby brought upon his own end. As the Midrash says, the Jewish people without their elders is like a bird without wings. Thus, in a sense, the existence of the nation was endangered by the act of contempt, and that was unforgivable. So Rish Lakish here kicking at his own rabbi, kicking his rabbi to the curb, so to speak, and what have you done for me lately was sort of a total lack of respect.
32:14
I want to share with you that my grandfather ran a very big yeshiva many institutions. He had a day school, a yeshiva school, a grade school and he had a high school. And he had a past high school yeshiva gdola it's called in Israel, which is past high school, yeshiva gdolah it's called in Israel, which is past high school. It's almost like the college age until guys would get married and he had a kolel and you know kolel was for married men and the way it works in Israel is that for religious institutions like yeshiva synagogue, the government gives you land, the government gives you land, the government gives you land and you have to build the building upon it. So there was a dispute between several of the different organizations that my grandfather was at the helm of about a specific piece of property. One of them wanted it and the other one got it and there was a little bit of a you know a dispute about it and one of my grandfather's students and it was all students of my grandfather who were heads of these they were appointed by my grandfather to run these institutions and he was upset at my grandfather that my grandfather didn't give it to his institution and he took my grandfather to court.
33:40
And imagine you're taking your rabbi, who is a leading Torah scholar of the generation. Not only forget if he was a leading personality, you're taking your rabbi. He went then to Rabbi Yashiv to ask Rabbi Yashiv for advice. Rabbi Yashiv was the leading halachic deciser of the generation and Rabbi Yashiv gave it to him over his head. He says you're taking your rabbi to court. Your rabbi gives a decree. It's a done deal, finished. You don't question your rabbi and you definitely do not take him to court. Right? There's a certain level of awe that is required by a student to their rabbi. You take your rabbi.
34:29
It happens to be that this individual did not end up well at all, did not end up well at all, and this was the beginning, I believe, of his descent from leadership, because you don't do such a thing. This is not the way we act. This just isn't the right way.
34:51
I feel that today, perhaps in our culture, particularly because everyone has a voice which is great, everyone should have a voice but people get caught up. For example, in social media, you can write whatever you want and you're behind the screen. So people learn to speak in a way that's disrespectful, that's unbecoming, that they would never say face-to-face, that they would never say face to face, that they would never say in person. So they would never say something so disrespectful to you to your face. But because it's behind the screen, they allow themselves. It's behind the keyboard, it's just typing words and if you look at what goes on online, there's's slander, there is defamation, there's destruction of character, both of the person they're going after and the person who releases this. So they hide behind anonymous sources. They hide behind. This is all You're dealing with people's lives.
35:50
But what I find is so, so shocking sometimes is the way people talk to and this is I'm nota rabbi of a congregation, so I thank God this doesn't apply to me, but I'm a member in several congregations. But I see the way members sometimes speak to their rabbis. I've been to congregations where people are fighting with the rabbis, like the rabbi is the janitor and I'm telling him what to do. He's the rabbi, he's the spiritual leader. How do people have the gall and the disrespect to someone who's supposed to be their? You know they say what's a rabbi's title? In legal terms, it's like a doctor of divinity. Yeah, it's supposed to be divinity. It's supposed to be divine. It's supposed to be something which is we look up to, not that you have to idolize or worship, but what's the purpose of a rabbi? Oh, you do your job. The way, the disrespect that people have.
36:53
Now rabbis have to be deserving of it as well. They can't be demanding of it and say, oh, I'm the rabbi, so therefore bow down to me, I'm the rabbi. Therefore, whatever I say goes, you know, no matter what. No, there has to be, there's levels in this, but there should be a level of respect. I think that the only reason a person should leave a congregation is if they don't have proper respect for the rabbi. If it's not someone that you respect, so go someplace where you do respect the rabbi. But to fight and argue, oh, I'm a member of the board and therefore, so you have to deal with kid gloves with the rabbi, because he's dealing with a totally different aspect of the community. I can tell you, even though I'm not a congregational rabbi, a lot of things come to me and it's people's private matters, whether it's marriage, their children, their livelihood, many things that are really, really serious, and the rabbi has to take all of that into consideration. When things happen in the community and he can't share, that he can't disclose that.
38:04
Sometimes people will look as an outsider like why is the rabbi doing that? That's unfair. You don't know the whole back story. So if you don't trust the judgment, don't hire such a rabbi. You've got to be careful. Look at what happened to Rish Lakish because of his disrespect for Rabbi Yochanan. It's not the Rabbi Yochanan. I'll tell you an amazing story. I shared this story in the past. This happened to Rabbi Chaim Moser Gergensky. Rabbi Chaim Moser Gergensky was the absolute, preeminent leader of the Torah community, of the Jewish community in Europe. Everybody revered and regarded Reb Chaim Ozer as the leading authority.
38:42
Just so that you understand what a sensitive, what a delicious person he was, there was once a couple that came. There was a man who came to Reb Chaim Ozer's house and he sees Reb Chaim Ozer is dancing with a man holding one hand, a child holding another hand and the wife is holding the other hands and the other hands of the husband of the man and the and the child and they're dancing around in a circle. This person is totally confused. What's going on here? Reb Chaim Mezer is dancing with a family, like what's happening here. So the assistant of the rabbi says let me tell you what happened.
39:19
Yesterday this couple came to Reb Chaim Mezer and he said and they said they want to get divorced. Can he do the divorce get process? So he said, sure, no problem, I can do it, but do you have any children? They said, yeah, where's your child? The child's in school. He's with his teacher. He says, okay, come back tomorrow with the child and we'll arrange the divorce.
39:45
They come back the next day with the child and he sits the father down, he sits the mother down, then he calls over the child and says come here. He sits him on his lap and he says what's your name? Talks to him gently, lovingly. He says to him do you know who this is? He says, yeah, this is my father. Do you love your father? Yes, I love my father very much. He says who's this? This is my mother. Do you love your mother? Yes, very much. He says well're not going to have a father and mother anymore. The kid starts crying. He's like what do you mean? What do you mean? That's terrible, it's devastating. I'm not going to have a father and mother anymore. He starts crying and then the mother starts crying and then the father starts crying and they say you know what, we're going to keep the family together and we're going to figure out how to make the marriage work.
40:38
Reb Chaim Meuser was considerate of this child because we know what happens. We know what happens after a divorce. There's the fight of the this and you didn't get it and you didn't this, and it was your day. It wasn't your day, it was your weekend, it wasn't your weekend. It's like it's endless. It's a struggle that never stops. Who loses out? The children lose out. The children are impacted by it.
41:05
I always encourage couples to work it out. It's easier to work it out than to just run away. I'm telling you it's much more worth the time, the effort, because it's so much more beautiful, it's so much more wholesome. Hopefully, now are there times that the pill is to just end the marriage. Yes, which is why the Torah says about divorce before it talks about marriage, because sometimes that's the medication to the illness. If there is a rot in the relationship that cannot be fixed, there's a cure for it. What's the cure? It's divorce, but it is definitely best if possible. And sometimes the divorce is just a result of laziness. They don't want to invest.
41:49
I sat last week with a group of parents and I asked them in the beginning of this of the class. I said by a show of hands, who has ever gone to a parenting class? Not one parent in the entire room went to a parenting class. What that is? It means we're raising our children on wishes on. And how many went to marriage class? Same number, zero.
42:20
How do you expect it to work? You're going to ask ChatGBT how to fix your marriage, how to mend the relationship, how to that doesn't work. It's dangerous. If it's something which is valuable, you wouldn't become a real estate broker without going to real estate broker school and asking people for advice and having a mentor. Why is it any different with parenting? Why is it any different with? Because everybody thinks I know how to be a good parent. How? Because I know. What do you mean? You know, listen to classes about it.
42:56
There is so much material out there. There's so much incredible research about things that work and things that don't work, things that are healthy, things that are unhealthy In raising children and in marriage, but for some reason it's some like pride thing. I know what's best for my children. You probably do, but you may be misguided on how it's. It's so important to, just if it's something which is important enough for us to do. It's important for us to know how to do and to do it properly. So, just as a thing of encouragement to all of those out there parents and those who are married, who are blessed to be married and those who are blessed to have children it's worthwhile investing in. And we have, by the way, a whole shelf here on parenting, a whole shelf here in the magnificent Don Leavitt Family Library here at the Torch Center, a whole shelf dedicated to each of them. I guarantee you that any one of those books will address most of the issues that come up in a relationship and most of the issues that come up in child rearing. And, by the way, those parents it was a special class for teens and preteens. That means their children are already at least 10 years old. Some of them have children in their 20s already and never a class on parenting.
44:23
To me it's astonishing. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger. It makes you stronger that you want to know more. I want to be the best parent in the world. I want to be the best husband in the world. So how do I become that? Not by luck, not by my intelligence. There's a world of brilliance out there when it comes to marriage and relationships and raising children. I'll just recommend, if you can pass me, my grandfather's book there, the green one. Yeah, perfect.
44:53
My grandfather wrote a book. He gave a series of lectures on parenting and it was later adapted into a book which my grandfather reviewed the Hebrew of it and then later was made into an English book published by Feldheim. It's called Planting and Building Raising a Jewish Child. It's a very thin book. If you look, this is. It's tiny, almost in the library. It's not big enough to make any, you know, to make any waves. It's a little that really contains a lot. It's all the foundations. It's all the fundamental principles. It's not going to give you every single scenario, but it'll give you the foundations that are necessary to understand what parenting really is.
45:41
What's the responsibility of a parent, which most people don't even know. What's my responsibility as a parent, which most people don't even know? What's my responsibility as a parent? I own my children. I don't own my children. It's the first thing. Your child is a lease. God gave you a lease. It's like, imagine you lease a car. You lease a car and you bring it back with dings and dents, right, you have to pay for it. If we return our children to the Almighty at the end of their lives and they come back with all the dings and scratches, why didn't you raise your child in a way that they learned how to properly live life? It's a responsibility as parents. This is our responsibility. So that was the first story about Reb Chaim Moser.
46:29
The second story about Reb Chaim Moser is that, again being the leading rabbi in Europe, there was a big dispute in the I think it was the early 1900s when the printing presses and all of that were starting to print out books of Talmud. Presses and all of that were starting to print out books of Talmud. So what happened was is that there was a dispute between two print houses who had the rights to printing the Talmud, and it was a dispute, and they came to the court of Reb Chaim Haizer and he gave the rights to one of the printers. Based on the case, based on the evidence, based on whatever was presented, the other print house put out rumors about Reb Chaim Ozer that he was bribed by the other side and that he was playing favoritism because the owner of the other side was a widow and he was just playing favoritism, because the owner of the other side was a widow and he was just playing favorites and whatever. They accused him of false accusations and they later came to ask forgiveness from Reb Chaim Meuser because what they did was really not nice and it wasn't true either. But they came to ask forgiveness from Reb Chaim Meuser and Reb Chaim Meuser said, like Reb Yochanan, he said I cannot forgive.
47:53
What a ruthless leader. What do you mean? You can't forgive. He says my status is not me, my personal, you didn't offend me, but I represent the Jewish people. But I represent the Jewish people. I represent the Jewish people.
48:09
A king cannot forgo his honor. Why not? Because it's not his honor, it's his constituents honor. He represents a nation, he represents a people. When you're the leading figure of the Jewish people, it's not your honor to forgive.
48:29
Something I never understand when family members, you know someone was drunk driving and they killed somebody and the family says oh, you know, we forgive you. It's not yours to forgive. Maybe for your personal pain you can forgive. The person is dead. You forgive To me. I never understood that. I don't understand that Now, again, for your pain that you experienced. That's one thing. But on behalf of someone else, you can't forgive on behalf of someone else. You know, if Bruce here insults our precious fellow student, our precious right, what are you going to say? I forgive you for him? No, that doesn't work. That doesn't work. That doesn't work. You can't forgive on behalf of somebody else. That's the Rabbi Yochanan. Not that he didn't want to, he couldn't. Okay, so he passed away, but Rabbi Yochanan grieved after him.
49:43
Considered, rabbi Yochanan grieved after the passing of Rish Lakish. Tremendously Right. He regretted causing Rish Lakish's death since there was no other. There was no other student like Rish Lakish that he has ever had. Amr Rabboni, the rabbi, said man lezol liyas fil idayte, who shall go up to bring comfort to his mind of Rabbi Yochanan? Rabbi Yochanan was so broken that his student passed away. Nezol Reb Elazer ben Pidas. Reb Elazer ben Pidas should go to Mechad edin Shmaitze, for his scholarship is brilliant. Ozil Yosef Kamei.
50:30
Rebbe Lazar Ben-Pedas went and sat before Rabbi Yochanan. Call Milsa Dehave, amar Rabbi Yochanan, to everything that Rabbi Yochanan would say Amar. Later, rebbe Lazar Ben-Pedas would tell them Tanya de Misaelach, we learned a b'ryisah that supports you, amar, rabbi Yochanan, meaning he was backing everything that Rabbi Yochanan said he says yeah, there's a Talmud that backs you up on that. He said another thing, he brought another Talmud that backs him up on this, to which Rabbi Yochanan said Rabbi Yochanan eventually said to him Amar at kvar l'kisha, he says you are supposed to be like bar l'kish, resh l'kish, bar l'kisha with resh l'kish, my previous student who passed away, ki Hava Aminah Milsa.
51:15
Whenever I would say something, hava Makshilon, esin Ve'arba Kushisa, he would pose 24 questions to what I was saying. He wouldn't just nod in approval and say, oh, there's something to back it up. He would ask 24 questions and refuting what I would say and I would give 24 solutions. And, as a result of the give and take of the back and forth of the 24 questions that he would ask and my response is 24 answers to his questions, what would happen? The subject became clearer, however.
51:59
You constantly say, yeah, there's a b'risah that supports what you're saying. What's the use of what you're telling me? What's the challenge? You're just backing? Let me say oh, yeah, there's a bride that supports what you're saying. What's the use of what you're telling me? What's the challenge? You're just backing? You're saying, yeah, good job, it's like he's being so, he's being so. He's being not complimentary, he's just being patronizing. What are you patronizing me Saying, yeah, good job, good job.
52:27
No, you want someone who's going to give you an opposite perspective. We mentioned this previously that if you want an advisor, if you're a politician and you need an advisor, don't find who thinks like you. Find someone who thinks like you're a position, and that's why they have many advisors to a king, to a president, to a good leader. He gets advisors that think opposite him, so that the give and take brings out the best results. Atul Oya'dana Deshapir Kamina.
53:02
Do not. I already know that I have said. Well, he says to the student he. He says you're coming to me, this is Reb Elazer. He's saying to Reb Elazer ben Padas. He says what are you giving me acknowledgement that what I said is true? You think I don't know that what I'm saying is backed up. Of course, what I'm saying is backed up. Sorry, I skipped. He says he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says, he says right. He's asking where are you, reish Lakish, my brother-in-law, where are you, my student? Where are you? I need you. And he would scream until his sanity wore away from him. He was so sad about the loss of his student. The rabbis prayed for mercy on him and Rabbi Yochanan eventually passed away. V'noch nafshei. He couldn't hold himself together that he lost his student, reish Lakish.
54:17
Now the commentaries here say why did the rabbis pray for his death and not his recovery? The rabbis said look at him. He's suffering so severely. Just, Hashem, do something with him, because this is out of control. They should have just prayed, you know, hashem, heal him. They didn't. Why? Because it would have been to no avail.
54:38
The bond between Rabbi Yochanan and Rish Lakish was so strong that it was central to Rabbi Yochanan's very existence. Thus its severance was a mortal blow. Even had Rebbe Yochanan recovered, he would just have continued to pine after Rish Lakish and would very soon have lost his mind again. The rabbis thus had no choice but to pray for his passing again. The rabbis thus had no choice but to pray for his passing. So, if you remember, we mentioned previously about Rebbe Lazar, the son of Reb Shimon. We're going to go back to that next week, god willing.
55:15
But I think there's something here that's very, very important for us to notice. Here is that there's a communal responsibility here. You see, the rabbis were very concerned with Rebbe Yochanan. They're very concerned Rabbi Yochanan's dealing with a challenge. They didn't say it's not our problem, let him solve it himself, it's his problem. They came, they tried to figure out what to do here. It's a difficult dilemma. What do we do? They prayed for him.
55:43
I think that we it is a very beautiful tradition in Judaism we don't think only about ourselves and we don't pray only about ourselves. If you look in the entire Siddur, in the entire prayer book, you'll find that everything is always in a plural. It's always in a plural. Why we don't say Hashem, heal me, rif'einu, heal all of us, baruch aleinu. We're always praying in the plural. Of course that includes me, but I'm not only thinking about myself. New, we're always praying in the plural. Of course that includes me, but I'm not only thinking about myself. We have to feel a sense of responsibility, not only for ourselves, not only for our family, but for the entire nation and for the entire world. We pray for the world as well. It's interesting we're about to head into the holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and Sukkot.
56:53
You know what happened on Sukkot. It's very interesting. Every day of the holiday of Sukkot, there were offerings that were brought in the temple. A total of 70 offerings were brought. Why 70? They brought one offering for each nation. The jewish people in the temple brought an offering for all the 70 nations you're talking about. Do you know the persians? You know how much they hate us? What are we bringing an offering for them? You know the? Do you know how much they hate us? What are we bringing an offering for them? Do you know the French? Do you know how much they hate us? We're bringing an offering for them. You think about it? Yes, and it's, by the way, something we mentioned.
57:39
I have to bring this up because if you were not here on Monday night, you missed a gem, a gem from the Orchah Tzaddikim. The Orchah Tzaddikim brings something which is so absolutely mind-boggling. Listen to this amazing Page 716,. This is in the Gate of Truth in the Orchah Tzaddikim Ways of the Righteous Atah, and now She'ericha goes B'avidu Se'erab miyoseh of the righteous.
58:07
And now, now that the exile that we are in has been prolonged because of our many sins, we should separate ourselves from the vanities of this world and to hold on to truth, which is the signet of God. The signature of God is truth, and they should make themselves holy and distinguish themselves from the nations of the world. And distinguish themselves from the nations of the world and not to cheat, not to Jews and not to non-Jews and not to anybody in the world, and not to trick anybody and not to be dishonest in any way. Why? Because the Torah says Because the verse states that the Jewish people will not the remnant of Israel, will not do wrong and they will not speak falsely and the language of deceit will not be found in their mouths. It says and I will sow her will not be found in their mouths. Ve'od k'siv v'zra'ati ol'i ha'ba'aretz. It says and I will sow her Israel, referring to Israel for me in the land. Klum adam zorei, as'o elo l'hachnis kam akurim.
59:41
Does a person plant something for no reason? No, you plant because you want something to grow. What does God say? I planted the Jewish people so that they grow. Listen to this now. He says she yitosfu, yitosfu, aleihem gerim.
01:00:07
He says you know why Hashem planted the Jewish people all around the world? You know why the Jewish people are dispersed in all four corners of the world so that there'd be more converts, that when people around us look at the way we live our lives, they say, ah, I want to join, ah, that's what I want, I want to be like them. And if they don't, if they don't want to join us, maybe we're not doing our job. Why does God plant us all around the world? This is what he brings over here from a verse he says. He says he brings over here from a verse he says Hashem exiled the Jews among the nations so that converts should be added to their numbers.
01:01:01
It's an amazing responsibility that we have. Yeah, it's true, we don't encourage conversion because we're not looking just for numbers. We're looking for sincerity, we're looking for someone who really wants an authentic relationship with God. But we don't go out, we don't proselytize. Why not? Because let our actions speak for themselves, let our behavior speak for themselves. That in itself has the power to influence people to say that's what I want to be part of, I want to be a part of God's chosen nation. That's our responsibility. Imagine that God put us out there in the world so that we bring more people closer to his shekhinah to his presence. My dear friends, it's been an absolute honor and a privilege to learn with you today. I wish you only a most beautiful Shabbos. Thank you and Shabbat Shalom everybody.
01:01:57 - Intro (Announcement)
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