Note 74: Girl, You're Not Getting a Sign. Go Build the Proof

Confidence doesn't show up before you act. It shows up after, built out of proof you collect by doing the scary thing anyway. 

In this episode, Yaya calls out the advice she will never teach her clients, fake it till you make it, and replaces it with something more honest: acting despite the fear instead of performing a feeling you don't have. She tells the real story behind Slay Society, an idea she sat on for three years, and breaks down exactly what waiting to feel ready actually costs you.

Inside this episode:

• Why "fake it till you make it" is advice Yaya refuses to teach, and what to do instead

• The real story of the three years she waited to launch Slay Society, and why timing was never the actual problem

• Why confidence is evidence you build, not a feeling you wait around for

• What waiting to feel ready is actually costing you, in business and everywhere else

• A practical way to start collecting your own proof this week

If you're reading this and can relate to being scared but still having goals that you want to reach, take the 7-day Do It Scared Challenge inside Slay Society. Every day, you'll take one small action that brings you closer to your goal; join here.

What is Notes to Her?

Notes to Her: The Daily Peptalk is your ten-minute or less boost of confidence and clarity. Hosted by Yaya, a confidence and mindset coach for women ready to stop overthinking and start showing up boldly, each short episode gives you a mindset reset, a dose of encouragement, and one actionable tip to keep your momentum going, no fluff, just real talk and daily pep.

Yaya: 00:14

Hey, girl. Hey. Welcome back to Notes to Her, the daily pep talk. I'm Yaya, your confidence and mindset coach, here to make sure you are not pretending in any way in your life. Now, if you ask almost anybody what their number one piece of confidence advice is, you're gonna hear the same words back every time.

Yaya: 00:32

Fake it till you make it. And I cringe almost every time I hear somebody say this. So if you've been following me for any amount of time, then you probably already know that is one thing that I will never ever teach my clients or tell you to do. And today I'm going to tell you exactly why this advice is wrong and what actually works instead because the difference between those two things is the difference between a woman who is still waiting to feel ready three years from now and a woman who was built real proof that she can do hard things scared. So stick with me because by the end of this note, you're going to be walking away with an actual way to start collecting proof starting this week.

Yaya: 01:21

So here's the problem I have with faking it. Faking a feeling you don't have isn't practice. It's a performance and a performance doesn't build anything real underneath it. You can act calm in a meeting and still walk out just as unsure of yourself as you walked in because pretending never actually proved anything to you. What actually works is different.

Yaya: 01:43

You don't pretend to feel something you don't, you act honestly, fear and all, out loud without hiding that you're scared. That's not faking anything. It's being real hard and true while you're terrified. And it's the only version of you that leaves with something to show for afterward. I know it because I lived it.

Yaya: 02:04

So let me share something with you that I've done recently that I was scared about doing. So in Note 72, I shared with you how I built a community for women, and I've been wanting to do this for at least the past three years now before it actually launched. Three years. It sat in my head that whole entire time, half formed because I had a demanding corporate job and timing never felt right. There was always a reason or so I told myself that it wasn't the right time to launch.

Yaya: 02:34

And then timing was cleared and you know what happened, I was still scared. So timing was just a part of my delay, but I was really letting fear stand in my way. I didn't know if any woman would show up, I didn't know if anyone cared about what I was building, or if I had put months into something that was gonna land with silence. I wanted it to work so bad that wanting it itself made the fear louder. And guess what?

Yaya: 02:58

I launched anyway. I remember being so scared to post my first announcement about the community launch, waiting to see if anybody would join. And that's not a confident feeling, but it's a woman standing in the middle of her own doubt, hoping that the thing that she build lands with somebody. I had already done the scare part, the waiting and refreshing didn't change that. The proof was already collected the moment I had published whether anyone showed up that first hour or not.

Yaya: 03:28

And that's what starting a business actually is, if we're being real about it. You have an idea, a product that you love, and zero proof that anybody will ever feel the same way. You don't get that proof first, you step out on faith, you launch a thing and the proof arrives later. Built from the people who show up, the wins, the staff, the evidence that you collect one action at a time. So I didn't feel confident at the day I launched, I actually felt terrified and I did it anyway.

Yaya: 03:54

The confidence came later, built entirely out of having done it and that is the whole mechanism that I really want you to walk away with today. Confidence isn't something that you feel your way into, it's something that you build through Proof, the same way that you build a case. Every time you do the thing scared, you collect a piece of evidence that your brain can point back to later, and that evidence stacks. Eventually you will have enough of it that the next scared thing feels a little less impossible. Not because the fear disappeared because it's still there, but because you have a file of receipts that says you have survived this before.

Yaya: 04:31

You don't need to feel ready, you just need one piece of proof and then another then another. And that's literally the entire flow. Confidence is a byproduct of the evidence you build, not a mood that you wait around for. Think of it as like a case file. A lawyer doesn't walk into court feeling certain that she'll win.

Yaya: 04:51

She walks in with a file full of evidence that she's built piece by piece. And the certainty comes from the file, not the other way around. Your confidence works the same way. Every scared thing you do actually goes into your file. The file is what you stand on, not a feeling that you're waiting to arrive.

Yaya: 05:08

So the woman who look confident to you right now, they don't skip the fear. They just have a bigger file than the one that you have built yet. That's the whole difference. And it's a difference that you can start closing today, But I want to be honest about what it's costing you every day that you don't. So let's talk about what happens when you're standing there waiting to feel ready.

Yaya: 05:31

The job posting closes, somebody else applies and gets the interview you talked yourself out of. Or maybe it's the idea that you've been sitting on for years and it shows up as somebody else's launch. Somebody who had less experience than you, but a lot more willingness to move before they felt sure. Or it could be the conversation that you needed to have, but it kept getting postponed until the situation resolves itself in a direction that you didn't choose. Waiting feels safe.

Yaya: 06:02

It isn't. Waiting just moves the risk somewhere quieter, where you don't have to look at it directly, but you're still paying the cost. You're just paying it in missed years instead of one uncomfortable moment. Every year that you wait to feel ready is a year that you didn't collect a single piece of proof that you could actually do the thing. And here's the part that's gonna sing a little bit.

Yaya: 06:27

Waiting doesn't even protect you from the fear. You feel just as scared standing still as you would moving. The only difference is that standing still gets you nothing for the fear that you're already paying. At least the woman who moves, she gets a result out of the deal, win or lose. And this waiting doesn't just live in business by the way, it shows up everywhere.

Yaya: 06:50

If you don't own a business, don't check it on me yet because this still applies to everything. It applies to the promotion that you haven't gone after because you want three more skills first. It applies to the friendship that you haven't set a boundary in because you're waiting to feel less guilty about it. It applies to the relationship you haven't ended yet because you're waiting to feel 100% certain instead of 80% sure and scared. Every area of your life has a version of this same waiting game running in the background.

Yaya: 07:22

The mechanism isn't identical everywhere, and you don't get the feeling first. You get the proof first, built from having done the thing, and the feeling falls behind it every single time. So let's talk about what you actually do with that starting this week. I want you to pick one thing that you've been waiting to feel ready for today. Not five things, just one.

Yaya: 07:45

And ask yourself honestly, what's the smallest scared action you could take on it this week? Not a whole leap, just the first piece of evidence, a baby step if you must. That can look like a lot of different things depending on where you're stuck. Maybe it's sending the pits that you've been sitting on instead of editing it for the tenth time. Maybe it's telling your manager what you actually want to do instead of hoping that she notices on her own.

Yaya: 08:11

Posting the thing that you built instead of waiting until it's perfect. None of these require you to feel ready, they only require you to move while the fear is still talking. And that is exactly why I built the Do It Scared Challenge in Slay Society. Is not a hype rally where you I tell you to feel brave and hope that it sticks. It's a structured way to practice taking action before you feel ready, in small enough pieces that you actually follow through, so you walk to the other side with real proof stacked up instead of another unfinished idea in your head for three more years.

Yaya: 08:48

So if you've been sitting on something waiting for the fear to leave you before you move, the challenge is exactly what I've built this for. So come do it scared with women who are collecting their own proof right alongside you. Doing it inside a group matters more for accountability, because when you get to watch another woman take her scared leap and survive it, it becomes part of your evidence too. You don't just build your own file, you get to witness hers and that witnessing chips away at old advice faster than acting alone ever could. Okay, so I want you to think back on that one thing that you have been waiting to feel ready on.

Yaya: 09:26

And be honest, how long have you been waiting? A few months? A few years? Maybe three like me. What would it take for you to take one scared action this week?

Yaya: 09:38

Not because you feel ready, but because you're done waiting for a feeling that was never gonna show up first. And when you picture yourself a year from now, still waiting, still feeling that same familiar, not ready yet feeling, how does that sit with you? That question usually moves people a lot faster than any pep talk could, because nobody wants to be in the same spot that they are now three years from now. So if you remember nothing else from this note, know that you do not need to feel confident to start. You just need to start and let the confidence catch up to you the way that it caught up to me.

Yaya: 10:18

A year from now you'll either have a file full of proof, or you'll still be waiting for a fame that was never going to show up first. Only one of those women get to look back and call herself brave. So if you're ready to start collecting yours, the seven day Do It Scare Challenge is inside Slay Society and that is where you get to have seven days, one small scared action at a time. The first week is free so there's nothing stopping you from starting today. The link will be in the show notes to join.

Yaya: 10:47

And remember the version of you who feels completely ready doesn't exist yet, she doesn't and it's okay with that because she gets built one scared action at a time, one piece of proof at a time, starting with whatever you do next. So stop waiting for confidence and start collecting your proof now.