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Cinema PSYOPS is a weekly film review podcast where we experiment on an impressionable mind to find out why physical wounds heal, but Cinematic ones don't.
There is very little time or point in an explanation. To be
blunt, the audio came from a timeline and dimension that has collapsed
at a quantum level, rendering it null and void in terms of existence.
Operational time in the dimensional continuum where the beings that created
the audio collapsed in on itself, rendering all of their civilization,
including technology, null and void. Timelines across the entire
continuum are collapsing and changing. The destruction has a nexus
that centers on cinema. Psyops.
Ten years. Man. 1010 years.
Ten years. Man ten years. Ten years.
1010 years. Ten years.
What is the most likely way humanity will be wiped out? Maybe it's
something from space. Or us. Although the way the world
ends might be because of you. And if this is the case, you wouldn't have
any control over it. The global temperature rise underscores
a chilling reality. Our planet is trying to tell us something,
but we don't seem to be listening. A recent study has suggested that one third
of annual deaths due to heat are directly related to global warming.
On top of the initial flash of thermonuclear
light, which is 180 million degrees, which catches everything
on fire in a nine mile diameter radius.
On top of the bulldozing effect of the wind, all the buildings coming down,
and more fires igniting more fires on top of the radiation,
if they happen to have survived poisoning people to death. On top of all that,
each one of these fires creates a mega fire
that is 100 or more square miles.
Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and
changing. The destruction has a nexus that centers on cinema
psyops. A breathtaking scientific revolution is
taking place. Biotechnology has been progressing at stunning
speed, giving us the tools to eventually gain control over
biology, solving the deadliest diseases, while also
creating viruses more dangerous than nuclear bombs.
Able to devastate humanity. It's man returning
to the most primal, violent state as people
fight over the tiny resources that remain.
What if the world we live in. Is just a dream or a simulation?
Whether it's a dream or some advanced computer game you are playing right now,
now, when it ends, you would be what causes the end of the world.
Please, do us all a favor. Continue dreaming or playing this game
of life, because when you wake up or unplug, there's a chance the
rest of us will be blaked out of existence. Timelines across the
entire continuum are collapsing and changing. The destruction
has a nexus that centers on cinema. Silence.
1010 years. Ten years.
And welcome to the 479th consecutive
week of cinema psyops. I'm your host, Cort. The guy
that's not so stoked about the movie that my co host picked this
week, and that would be my co host, Matt. What's.
What's wrong with you? You okay? What? No, I just.
I'm not a fan of bachelor party. It's not. It's not
my particular style of comedy. Ugh. I don't like.
No, not really. I didn't get to see it when I was a kid.
I only ever saw it when I was grown up. And by the time I
was grown up, I found all of the actions in it relatively deplorable.
Like, there's a few things I still part about it. I know these are horrible
people, right? There's a few things that I still laugh about in
this. But you know me, if I don't like someone, I don't fucking
hide it, and I will not enjoy them on screen.
And my problem with bachelor party, for the most part, is they're deplorable slasher
kids getting away with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's, like.
It's a heel program. For sure. For sure.
Fair. Fair. But I can't get over that hurdle.
And I think it's. I think it is because I saw it when I was
an adult. So, I mean, it is what it is. But this was one of
your picks, so I'm going to be as professional about this as possible. It's going
to get the exact same treatment that every other movie will, and I will focus
in on the things that I like. Um, besides that, it's just that I will
freely admit that bachelor party is not for me. The humor just doesn't work for
me. Yeah. Gotcha. All right, then. I'm not upset. I'm not angry
about it. I'm just going to be a little bit savage of the
people in the film because they are pieces of shit. That's actually very
fair. Yeah. And also, I don't buy Tom Hanks into
the lechy role that he tries, tried to do with, like, bosom buddies,
and then they tried to, like, shoehorn him into that kind of eighties person.
Like, he's Steve Gutenberg. When Tom Hanks is not Steve Gutenberg.
Tom Hanks is the. Tom Hanks is not the heel. He's the good guy.
You know, he's not the lovable or likable heel or the lecherous,
although he's. Supposed to be this lovable heel. Yeah. And I
just don't. I don't know. It doesn't feel very sincere for me. And I just.
I can't see Tom Hanks like that. It just doesn't work. You know what I
mean? I could bet when it came out, but nowadays,
it's kind of weird. Yeah. Where his career has gone,
right? But this is. I mean, Tom Hanks started his career at Bosom buddies,
which is some of the most lecherous, disgusting shit
of a tv show that you could come up with for
multiple reasons these days. And some of the cast of
bosom buddies ends up in here. Like, the one is, like, his sister in
law. Yeah. His sister in law was on bosom buddies as well. Yeah. God rest
her soul. She passed away. Oh, that's tragic. I wish I wouldn't have known that.
Oh, man. I love her in a lot of stuff, particularly the original back to
the future. She's fucking terrific at that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. But anyway, I just. For multiple reasons, I have some
issues with it. But I found some things that I genuinely laughed at, and there
were some things that they did in this film that I legitimately loved. And at
least the worst heel of all, heels get their comeuppance
in this film. So we'll give it that. It's just, like I said, it's just
not for me. And I know I'm a downer for being this way, but,
you know, think about how much more we're gonna counter from it.
Yeah, it's fine. It's not even being a doubter. I mean, you're exact right.
There are now good people in this movie.
Maybe that's what makes it fun. It's. Maybe it's like the sunny,
always sunny in Philadelphia catch. Where, you know,
it's not a single decent person's in this. You know what
we're about to watch. That's why it's okay to laugh. Yeah. The thing
about terrible people, the thing. About it is it's always sunny in Philadelphia.
People at least get comeuppance for their actions. And I think that's my biggest issue
with bachelor party, is pretty much everybody gets to be a dick and get away
with it in this. Yeah. Everyone gets away scot free. Pretty much, yeah. Yeah.
There's no consequences for any of the actions. And there's some pretty deplorable shit in
here. And I'm not talking the eighties. I know, I know. And I'm not talking
about just getting hookers or anything like that. I'm talking about, like,
very specific things that some of these guys do. I'm just. All right,
I'm just on
the defensive about this because I feel like everybody in the fucking world is like,
oh, come on, Corey. It's bachelor party. Just chill. The fuck you don't know.
I'm sure there are plenty of people who think like you. I'm not even
saying it. Even though I enjoy it. I'm not even saying that you have to
enjoy it. I pretty much went into this thinking you probably did enjoy bachelor.
You're like, I don't know. He sometimes doesn't like animal houses jokes. So this
might not be. This might be worse because this
isn't cheeky and cute like animal houses, right?
It's. That's what it is. It's trying to do Doug Kenny level
of social satire and gross humor,
of showing deplorable characters, doing deplorable things without it
also being cheeky fun. That's. That's what it is. It's the spirit of it,
I think. Yeah. All right, let's. Let's stop fucking beating around the bush about it.
We've wasted enough time. Let's get into it, because we don't have a lot of
time. This week, all songs from the soundtrack
will be featured on the pirate radio edit for the film a bachelor party.
Obviously, up first is going to be angel in the reruns
with why do good girls like bad boys?
Yeah. Immediately following this. This will keep us quiet.
Oh, hi there. I didn't see you. You caught me cutting a new
show. I'm Bo Ransdell, and I'm one of the many creators you can
find on Legion podcast.
Isaac, what the hell? Dan? Yeah,
this is Con. Yeah, counselor Dan. You don't sound good.
Now, Dan, legally, I'm not supposed to be talking to you about this
stuff with the.
Dan. Dan. Dan. She left me. Missile had left
you. Oh, Dan. I'm sorry, bud.
Oh, no.
Well, what happened? I mean, do you want to. You want to talk about it,
bud? He was rumbling around about all the hours
I spent with the shaman, doing the poor work from
Santa show. But I know the real reason.
You tell me. Where's Matt? I don't know where Matt is.
Dan. Matt has disappeared. I'm serious.
No, no. Well, Dan. Matt just wanted to make your marriage
as good as he possibly could. He was trying to offer you guys advice.
I'm a licensed counselor. Well, I know that, but neither are you,
Daniel. No, you have an accreditation.
Right. But we live in the continental United States, both Matt and I.
And you've been of great help for us for the counseling,
especially with these recent weeks, in spite of all of the legal issues that we're
working where he is. I don't know where he is.
He's been sequestered. Look, something.
Well, if you're going to find him first, because of the crazy Google searches that
Matt has done, he's asked to come to me from an undisclosed location that we're
routing through a ton of different servers. So if you find them before the.
Us government, you're good. Well, I'll let them know when I hear from
him. Here. Okay. Dan. Dan,
I gotta go. Okay, Dan,
listen. I want you to go find Shamir. Go find the shaman.
That's right. He'll take care of you, and I'll relay the message
to Matt that you're out to get him. Okay? We'll let him know. But I
have not seen him. I have no idea where he is. Okay.
All right, well, I'll talk to you later, Dan. Okay.
Okay. I can get behind that song. The lyrical content of that song
has got me jazzed and ready to talk about this film. I think I'm good.
Yeah. That's a cool band. Yeah. I hate to interrupt that. It actually is kicking
ass, though. But let's fucking do it. Let's just get into it. Our bachelor party,
the first 20. Well, we see Tom Hanks, and he's a bus driver, and he
picks up some catholic school kids. And then they have a wild bus ride
home where there's gambling and playboys. And as
he removes the statue of Mary, there's a little hula dancer.
Topless. No, lessenhouse. Yes. And, uh, so then after
he does, he goes to get his best friend who is a photographer.
Professional photographer, who's taking pictures of this little kid whose mom
has giant cans. I mean, is that a medical term,
Matthew? Yeah, yeah. Medically speaking, she has giant cans.
She has what the doctors refer to as gazungas.
She has what medical professionals refer to as
Major yabba. Yeah. So this is basically a tit and fart jokes,
guys. Yeah, yeah. I mean, sit in for it, because that's.
This is what it's about. Yeah. The seven forbidden words of George Carlin are
in this film. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's having a great time,
so he then kind of, you know, makes the mom more
the focal point of all the pictures and.
Yeah, gets her shirt really almost
all the way undone. And then Tom Hanks gets involved where they're all taking pictures
of just her tits and, you know. All right. I mean, listen, she was
all about it, so. Yeah, no hard. No file here. I just didn't
find any of this funny. Like, I almost was I almost was, like,
feeling like I was going to have a munchies moment on this at this point.
Really? Yeah. Oh, God. A munchies moment this early? That's fucking
awesome. Yeah, I was extremely high. It was very
late at night, and I was really tired when I was watching this. So that
may have a lot of. You were not in the right fry made for this.
That's not the right frame of mind you'll be in. High is fine,
but the rest of it, not a great idea. I figured it would be,
like, a USA, up all night frame of mind that I needed to be in
for this bachelor party movie, and it actually ended up backfiring on
me because I'm just a grumpy old man, not a horny teenager who can't sleep.
Yeah. Yes. I just.
You went from a horny teenager who just wants to see Rudd to shear to
wanting to tell Rud to shear to get off your lawn. More or less,
yeah. Stop trying to hock brawls here. Didn't you see my no solicitation sticker on
my door? How dare you, madam, and put on
a sweater. It's October.
So then he goes, gets his mechanic friend,
who's just insane and kind of an idiot.
And then they get their little friend, Gary, who sells concert
tickets. They get him, who you can tell is a total slime ball.
Then their dumb friend is a waiter. They go to his restaurant, and they
all get together and they all sit down, and that leads to our
first clip. All right. Okay. Now we're all here. So what's the big announcement?
Okay, gentlemen, I am.
I'm not gonna beat around a bush. Honestly. We've known each other since,
what? Since we were in grade school, for crying out loud. So I'm just gonna
give this to you right from the hip. I mean, it's gonna come straight from
the old. The old shoulder. I mean, no fancy
stuff. Come on, Rick. All right. Okay. All right, all right, all right, all right.
This is it. I'm getting married.
Yeah, right. Yeah.
That was not a joke, guys.
A week from this Saturday, I turn in
my amateur standing and I go pro.
I don't believe it. Come on. Fuck me.
Well, thanks for telling us. Yeah. You could have complained
about grand when you went there and getting married.
Our buddy is getting married. This is the happiest moment of his
life, and you guys are giving him a hard time.
You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. Come on,
guys. Look, Rick, I'd rather be dead. But, look, if this
is what you want, good luck, man. You're all the best. Happen to
me, man. You know, since you're gonna do.
You really are gonna do this? Oh, yeah. The least we can do is make
sure you go out in style. Yeah. Let's have a bachelor party with chicks and
guns and fire trucks and hookers and drugs and booze.
Yeah. Yeah. All the things that make life worth living for.
All right, all right. Okay. Okay, guys. Okay.
I want you to know that this marriage is
not in any way gonna jeopardize my relationship with my pal
family. We are still gonna go bowling every Tuesday night,
right? We're still gonna play cards every Friday night, and we're still
gonna wear each other's underwear every Sunday night. Nothing is gonna change.
I mean that. I love you guys, and I always will.
Hey, a toast. To Rick and Debbie.
To us. To girls
with big tits. Good point.
I will say, the whole time I'm watching this, I'm like, Cort is hating all
this. So then we cut
to a clothes store where everyone's dancing. It's the most eighties thing ever.
Yeah, and, like, the dressing room doors are all cut in half.
Cause some lady's brother really did a shitty job. So you see, like,
either people's asses or titties. That happens. Thank you,
movie, I guess. Yeah, whatever. Well, we meet
Debbie, and that's our next clip. I believe you. I am
supposed to be your friend, and you don't even tell me? Bobby, what is going
on? I just heard from O'Neal. Oh,
God, I'm so excited. It's happening.
Debbie's married, Greg. Really? Really. Oh, my God.
Oh, my gosh. You're actually married.
Wait a minute. Does Cole know about this? Really? You went with him for two
years. No, and he won't leave me alone.
And your parents can't be too thrilled about this, either. Either? No.
As far as they're concerned, the only good rick is a dead
Rick. But I made my decision, and we're
gonna do it. I don't believe it misses Rick
Gasco. You're getting married? Seems like
only yesterday I showed you how to give a blowjob.
I'll give you a different kind of
high. No, I'm nothing.
Not like the rest of the boys.
I'm from Decatur,
Illinois, and I am
SWat debonair.
I've got this boss, curly dark black hair.
And I like hanging around with you,
baby because you
never say me I want you
to oh, shit.
Well, hey, the meal of this entry looks like it's just
about ready. So it's time for spice yes,
it's spice time. And the lucky spice is
paprika. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Pack me the happiest spice in the.
It's a veritable un for dinner here, so swedish meatballs.
Ooh, there we are too. Ah. Vino.
A little vino would be keno.
I want some wine now.
Oh, what meal would be complete
without a little dead meat? Yes. America's favorite food.
Dead animal flesh. All the burners
are occupied at this time. I guess we just have to improvise
here. Hi,
babe. Hi.
What are you doing? We're just welding up a little dinner, that's all.
It's you. Hi. Hi. How are you?
It's good to see you. Me too. I'm just gonna
graze here for a while. Okay. Gosh, you're a slob.
Yeah, but I'm a fabulous cook.
And what are we having? Well, it's either swiss steak,
meatloaf, I don't know. Definitely charred flesh of some sort. Why don't we name it
after we eat, huh? Good idea,
mister Chef? Yeah? Your vegetables are on fire.
Oh, hey. Okay. It's okay. It's all right. It's broccoli flambe.
It's supposed to do that. Just a little tricky with it, that's all.
Guess I put in a little too much nuclear waste, huh?
You winnie me something Drake. You betcha. Bobby and Phoebe
are gonna throw me a shower. It's gonna be so much fun.
Not as much fun as the bachelor party the guys are gonna
throw for me. I hope you like potato salad. It's chunky
style. My favorite. You can have a bachelor. Sure,
you bet. Hey, it's a traditional event, and I am
a traditional kind of guy.
How about this, huh? Does this look great or what? Looks awful.
Well, looks can be deceiving.
Not in this case. However. Nope, nope, nope. This is definitely
the food the prison riots are made of. Are we gonna have
girls at our party? Uh, well,
no. It's a stag party. And that means that
does stay home. I'm not talking about does.
I'm talking about hookers. Oh,
those. What do you mean? I mean,
like, from what I hear, it's a tradition. And you're a traditional
guy. Come here. Come here,
little Dixon. I'm gonna tell you something. I'm gonna set you straight about something.
Women mean nothing to me. And that is why I am so in love with
you. Do you understand what I'm saying?
I need you to promise me.
Okay. Okay. I promise. You got it?
You know, I, uh. I know a way that we conceal
this bargain? Yeah. Mm hmm.
Oh, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I know. I got
a surprise for you, and I think you're really gonna like it.
Oh, come on, honey. Wait. Hey, come on. We'll take turns.
It's all right.
Okay, Ricky, wanna hold out your arm?
Well, you wouldn't hurt your own brother, wouldn't you? Stand. I don't hurt brother.
Hey, hey. No, no. Hey. No, no, no. I changed my mind.
I don't need a blood test. I'm not even gonna get married. The wedding is
off. Chief fair there. Chicken, chicken, chicken.
Ow. You're always
sneaky, Stan. You're always very, very sneaky.
Ooh. Oh, gosh. Sneaky brother. Hey, you ready for this big party?
Now, I understand the guys have some fascinating
women lined up for you. A bevy,
keep your voice down. I got the wife in the other room. Uh,
Stan. Stan, is this supposed to be like this,
huh? No, that's incorrect.
Oh. I can't
understand why you're getting married. Do you have any idea what you're giving up?
Huh? Do you have any idea? An inkling? Everything.
Everything. Wild parties, running around like a maniac. Different women
every night. Nakedness. Gone. I miss that so much,
Richie. Stan, you're beginning to depress me.
Oh, well, maybe you'll feel just a.
Little better after this. Easy. Easy.
And hold. Oh, well, now, that's a fair trade.
A cotton ball for all my blood. Ok,
Ricky. All finished. Oh, good. Hey,
I'm really looking forward to this bachelor party. Ooh. I know where you are.
Hey, whatever you do, you don't say nothing to me.
Tina. Okay? Sure. You know she'll kill me. Yeah. Who don't you say
nothing to? Tina. Tina. Okay.
Hey, don't screw me up here, okay? I told her I'm going on a plasma
convention. Oh, wow. That's brilliant. So,
hi. Hi, Tina. Rick.
Mister Goldsmith, this is my brother in law. He's getting married.
Congratulations. Nurse takeover.
I am so happy for you. That's great.
I'm glad. Thanks. Listen, I gotta run. I gotta
make sure the guys have got the hookers. Hookers? He didn't
say hookers. Did I say hookers? I didn't mean hookers. Yes, you said hookers.
I didn't say hookers. I'm walking Ricky out. You had to
open your mouth. You had a sister. You heard a say hookers. Ooh.
Doc. I'll pay my bill, doc. Don't hurt me, please. I'll kill you.
I'll pray the doctor, please. Doctor. I like your
legs. I'll rip out your catch. I will. I'll break you in
half. Shut up, man. Get out of here.
Hey. All right. Okay. Oh, listen, I'm gonna
see you Saturday night for the Miss
Phillips. You're next. So. Yeah, his brother's trying
to hide the fact that he's getting ready to cheat on his wife.
Yeah. By the way, that's the end of that 20 minutes. How you
doing, buddy? Everything all right? I would beat every
one of these people to death when I meet them. Except for Sophie, far his
fiance. Although she's clearly slumming it to piss off daddy. Because she's
got issues. Possibly, yeah. But Debbie seems to maybe be
the only good one here. I thought it was funny when Tina tried
to. She went to grab Tom. Hates face after she was given a guy
a rectum check. Yeah, checking his prostate or whatever.
Yeah, rectum. Damn near killed him. We can move
on. I'm fine. All right, you know what? And you're causing
a lot of issues here. Just remember, you made me watch last house on the
left. Just remember that. Yeah, only like
two clips in, man. Okay, we can go. All right. All right. Our next 20
starts, we cut to Debbie and Rick playing
Debbie's uppity asshole parents in tennis.
And Rick keeps launching the ball off the court.
This all leads to our next clip.
My tennis is a little rusty, but polo. There's a
game, eh? Unrelenting,
constant challenge to the sense this is a beautiful,
manly experience. Rick, I want to cut through
the b's. I'd like that.
Good. I think you're an asshole.
No, no, let me correct that. An immature asshole.
Which is fine, except that you're marrying my
daughter and I'm afraid that my grandchildren are going to be little assholes.
Mister Thompson, I'll have. Let me finish. Debbie is
an adult. She can do what she wants. But if you want your marriage
to last, you're gonna have to change some things about yourself.
Now, if I may make some suggestions. Oh, feel free.
Good. First, you're a slob, you dress
like a bum. Second, you're unmotivated.
You have no self esteem, no thought about the future.
You're inconsistent. Consider it. You're insensitive. You're insincere.
I'm having the same katie refer your shower that we had at our
Christmas party last year. Oh, that'd be great. They're wonderful.
Well, if I were you, I'd worry less about the shower and more about Rick's
bachelor party. Why would
I want to do that? I trust Rick. Oh, of course you do.
And I trusted my ex, Kevin, too.
Cousin, I can only speak to you. From experience, but what do you
think happens during these bachelor parties? Think they sit around and drink
tea and play scrabble? Eileen, I trust Rick. He promised.
Oh, Daddy, please don't be naive. Men are pigs.
Girls, why don't we go inside and have some lunch,
huh? Boys, come on inside
and have lunch. In a second. And you're
irresponsible. A show up. You're vulgar.
You're inappropriate. You're unrefined.
You're obnoxious. Well, Mister Thompson,
that's really quite a list. And you're right. You're absolutely right.
And I think if I really apply myself,
I could be a totally changed person by the time we finish lunch.
Rick, we don't have a dog. Oh, that's too
bad. That's a waste of some good fat. Oh, are you gonna eat your potato
there, darling? You want this? You betcha.
Yeah, me and Debbie are gonna have kids right away. I think I'd like to
adopt this 17 year old korean girl I had my eye on for a while.
I figure, well, I'd beat around a bush, you know, but, I mean, this pup
is fertile, and I know I'm perfectly capable. So you don't have to worry.
You'll have some american grandkids in no time at all. No, thank you.
I tell you, misses T, this is really some spread. This is some pretty good
chow. Usually I just have like, a jam sandwich for lunch.
You know what a jam sandwich is? Take two pieces of bread,
jam them together.
Hello, everybody. Am I late? Not at all. We're just
finishing lunch. How are you? Are you cold? Fine. Just fine, Eileen.
Cold. You're looking very well,
misses Thompson. Cole. Always a pleasure,
Debbie. And, uh,
Bond. James Bond.
So, Cole, how's your game coming along? Better and
better, sir. Good. I'll take you on.
We tried some doubles this morning, but it didn't work out too well.
Mother, what is Cole doing here?
Well, you know your father enjoys his company. Oh, he must,
if he took time off from his Hitler youth rally.
Ah, good shot. Thank you. Thank you,
sir. Oh,
I know you're as unhappy as I am about Debbie's marriage to
Rick. Yes, I am, sir.
Son, I don't want you to give up on her. I tried to change her
mind. It's not her mind you have to change. It's mister shit for
brains in there. Well, how can I
do that? If it were up to me, I'd reason if
that failed. I try more persuasive action.
More, uh, persuasive action.
Good. Keep me informed.
Well, goodbye, darling. Goodbye, mom. Thanks for everything. It was
great. Mm hmm. And, uh, nice seeing
you again. Oh, you too. Misses t. Let's do this every day. How about tomorrow?
I'll bring some weenies. Well, I have a club. What time's it
over? Uh, Rick, let's talk.
Honey, the boys have something important to discuss.
Let's leave them alone for a minute, huh? If this is about the facts of
life, believe me, I got it covered. Rick, I want Debbie.
You do, huh? Yes, I do. You dump her and I'll give you cash.
Well, uh, what's Debbie's blue book value right now? Right now.
$5,000. No. 7500. Uh uh.
Not interested. All right, all right, all right.
10,000. Plus a ge toaster
oven, a litten microwave, a cuisinart call.
Read my lips now. I am marrying
Debbie. Michelin tires. Brand new. A set
of Sears best metric tools.
What's going on here? Well, the way I see it, this big lug is in
love and he's got a lot of major appliances laying around.
Debbie, Cole is just trying to save you from making a mistake.
A big mistake.
Hey, thanks, dad. Listen, we gotta go.
Debbie, he's gonna hurt you. He'll never
be true to you the way I would.
And we're all gonna keep that in mind. Cole Whittier, ladies and gentlemen. Let's hear
it for him. A funny, funny, funny guy. As well as being a wonderfully
talented human being. Take care, babe. We love you.
Hey, Rick. You and I, we're not through yet.
Hey. Hey. What?
I can't sleep. Oh,
I got something for that.
You stop fooling around. I need to talk.
What's the matter? I don't know.
I just feel scared. Oh,
baby. What about?
Hmm?
The wedding. My parents. Your parents.
Our friends. My job. The future.
Our relationship. The caterers. My gown.
Your tuxedo. The honeymoon.
Our apartment. My shower. Your bachelor
party. Well, how about the middle east?
You alright with that? Oh,
honey, everything's gonna be all right. After I have
my nervous breakdown. All right? Come on.
Come on.
Hey. You are so tense.
Come on.
I feel so good. That's a coincidence.
It's supposed to. Close your eyes.
Drift off. Just so happens
that I'm a great guy.
And very soon you're
gonna be misses great guy. All right.
Okay. So there you go. And he's trying to.
She's freaked out. She's got a cousin who got her heart broken, so she's
on a hate old men trip. Her parents hate Rick, and she's right to worry
because his friends are trying to get every hooker in the world to
come to this bachelor party. So, you know,
it's not good. Yeah. And his brother can't wait to cheat on
his wife. All of his friends are basically trying to convince him,
not single men for life. Yeah. And his brother hates
marriage, so. Yeah, it's. Nothing looks good for these two. And they lie there awake
together. Then after, they're now both thinking about this next step
in their lives. So now it's party night. The guys drop Debbie
off at her bridal shower at her mom's house, and the guys drive
off. We see Gary, he hires two ladies of
the night, and then the bad guy follows
him and actually changes the address to Debbie's
mom's address. Well, the guys get to the hotel, and that is our next
clip. Oh, dagger poet.
Before we move on, I have a little surprise.
I have flown in someone dear to all of us. A man
who has traveled over 3000 miles. Come on, Rick, let's go.
Come on. Wait, wait. A man whom none of us have
seen since he left town. Come on,
let's go. A man whom we affectionately call Peckerhead.
Oh, my God. Our dad is here. Ricky. Let's go. It's your childhood
chum in mine, Brad Mullen. Brad. Brad.
Pecker hands. Where is he?
Bradley?
Guys. Guys. Guys.
Guys. For the last time,
I'm telling you to get off of there.
Off. Oh, good.
Guys. Holy shit.
Hi, Brad. Hi.
Rick. Rick.
Jake.
Rudy. Diagnosis?
Medically speaking? Yeah. Whacked out of his brains and
great. This is beautiful. Love it. I love
it. Brad, how you been? Oh, I couldn't be better.
This is the best. This is great. I love this. This is the
best. I'm having the best time. I love you guys. I love everything.
House. Your wife, I hate her. I hate her guts.
Okay. The bitch.
I've got this. You want to share this? Oh, gee,
no. Two on a quaalu. That's bad luck. Thanks. Oh, precious. Okay.
Hey, let's go, guys. Come on. Brad, listen. Hey. You and your
wife got problems, Brad? No. No. Cause I love you guys.
I love my friends. I love everybody. I just want to party.
Just where do you guys think you are? The Library of Congress?
Detroit? Beyond the sun? Any of those right?
This is the Parkview Hotel. I am the hotel manager.
This is a respectable establishment. We don't go for any funny business
yet. So I see well, thank you. It's been
very nice talking to you. You're a hell of a guy, and I think you're
doing a hell of a job. Okay. All right.
It's okay. What was wrong with that? That's a nice clip. At least it was
short.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not enjoying your pain.
Oh, well, when. When the abused gets to get back at the abuser,
it's often more sadistic, so. It really
is. Ah, no one feels bad for you.
Some people do. Don't know. Well, maybe they do, but they're all sadistic bastards,
too. They agree with me.
All right, so now we're at the shower, and the ladies are all showing up.
Uh, then they discuss how they already went ahead and found pornos
the guys were gonna watch and cut out all the sex scenes. Uh,
and that ends then. That 20 minutes before. Are we going to the next?
That actually made me laugh because that's funny. That's a good
practical fucking joke. Yeah. And that's something that, like,
pretty much what the ladies do for the most part, other than, like,
not trusting and deciding to go spy on. But the reason that she decides to
go spy is because of what Cole pools and, you know,
does that whole, like, send the hooker to a different place?
Yep. Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. Granted, he's trying
to get Tom Hanks's character in Dutch because he
wants this to break up, because he wants Debbie for himself. Because apparently
she's not a person who can make a choice about who she is going to
be with. She is just proper. She's an object to be exchanged
from a pre approved male to another pre approved male. Yes, because she's
not a person with a soul. She's a thing. Yeah. To these guys,
including her own father, which is pretty fucking disgusting.
But if I feel like if the
hookers hadn't been sent there, Debbie would have stayed and had a wonderful
bachelorette, like, party. Bridal shower. Bridal shower. Yeah,
whatever. Like. Yeah. That's a little more classy version of saying bachelorette party,
isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be classy here. Yeah. Bachelorette party is what
she ends up actually happening when. When they end up going to see the male
strippers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So stupid yells. Yeah.
Also wanted to point out that the character of Cole,
that actor, has the 100%
most punchable face I have encountered in a long time in
this show. He played Kent in real genius as
well. Yeah. And it's real funny. Cause I saw bachelor
party first. So when I saw him as Kent, I'm like, he's a 180 different
kind of character because he's, you know, this one, he's Mister buff,
square jawed, you know, up, west side type person.
In Kent, he's just a giant nerd, but still
an asshole. Well, there's the same kind of elitist asshole. It's just
that Kent is an intelligent man. So rather
than focusing on the exterior version of exclusion,
he just uses what he feels is his superior intellect
to do exclusion. But they're the exact same person. It's just one is smart and
one is not. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the other guy
could be smart, but, like, in business and shit, where Kent's, like, a genius.
Come on. The other ones, he's a fucking nepotism, baby,
for sure. He's not smart. He doesn't know what he's doing. And he got whatever
job he's getting way. He's getting way too much money at whatever fucking hedge fund
because his dad knows a guy who owns a hedge fund. That's it,
probably. I mean, I'll take that too. Yeah. Yeah. And he
100% like that. He. He plays characters to a team
that just deserve a severe ass beating. Oh, yeah.
All right, I'm good. We can move on. All right. You okay?
Everything going good? The court that gets angry
at people at bars without drinking himself is really
getting activated by bachelor party.
So. Okay, well, Rick's depressed friend terrifies him
about marriage that goes on this marriage ramp. Well, then they decide
to watch the porno. But of course, no sex is in there.
Tatutina showing up to the bridal shower, and the two
hookers show up as well. And the hookers decide to put on a show.
They have a vibrator that they have to plug in. It whips.
I don't care. That was a funny scene with all the women screaming
at them, doing it. I gotta tell you, when I said I would do this,
there were a couple of. There was a handful of things that happened that made
me kawfaw, like, actually laugh out loud. Lose my
shit. This sequence was one of them. When the one lady walks in brandishing
a Hitachi wand, which is not just a vibrator, it's the
vibrator. Yep. Exactly. And then the other
one is just plug in. Yeah.
They point one out. Right? Debbie points it out. That shit was
actually legitimately funny. And it's because of the situation
of it where these ladies are there to put on a show and they assume
they're in the right location, and they're. Just like, that kind of
party. Right, right. And they don't. They don't care. They just get to work.
Work. And I love the fact that these, like, rich, hoity toity,
putting on airs, you know, high class, highfalutin pieces of shit,
all are so polite and so afraid of offending the
two women putting on the show that they don't try to tell them to stop
or yell at them to stop for the entirety of the joke, because that's what
makes it super fucking hilarious. They're just offended and screaming.
Right. That shit is actually fucking funny. I have to admit that.
Yes. Yeah. That was so good. We can move on.
We can move on. Yeah, I'm good. Oh, that's so good. Anyway, well, we're back
at the bachelor party, and all the guys are bored. And then Gary gets there,
and the guys want to kill him because there are no ladies. So Gary leaves
to try to figure out what happened. Well, the bad guy shows back up,
and that is our next clip. Rick, I want to talk to
you. Hey, it's Cole.
Did any of you guys order an. Asshole from room service? Hey, look, I don't
want any trouble, all right? Oh, well, come on. Just a little.
Rick, I want to make you another deal. Oh, be still,
my heart. If you just step over to the window, there's something I want to
show you. Out the window. Oh, this is going to be a surprise. I'm a
nut for surprises.
You see that out there? That, Rick, is my most prized possession.
It's my new porsche. Wow.
Hey, guy, can you see that? Oh, that's beautiful.
What a cardinal. Hey, Rudy, isn't that
a beautiful car? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. That's a beautiful car, Rick. Hey, guys, excuse me.
I gotta go shake the weasel. It's a great car.
Oh, the best. God, I love that car. Oh, I am
very, very happy for the two of you.
Chips. Now, listen, Rick, I'm willing to trade you my new porsche
for Debbie and even swap. Oh,
Cole. A car for Debbie. I mean it, Rick.
The car is yours. All you have to do is dump Debbie. Oh. Oh,
Cole. Oh, this is perplexing. What an intriguing offer you've made.
Guys, what should I do? Should I take the car, or should I take
Debbie? Debbie. Debbie. The car. Come on. Debbie. Depends on what
you're. Debbie. Debbie. Take Debbie.
Take Debbie. Take the cardinal.
I don't know. Maybe. What a decision I have to make
here. I would hate to be in your shoes, pal.
Low mileage. It handles like a dream. Well, so does Debbie.
I just got that car two months ago. It's got everything. It's got shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
Something amiss? Well, my car is gone. Maybe it had something
to do. You know, if I don't get my car back, you're dead,
mister.
Gone just a few seconds and I miss him already. No good.
All right, so, yeah, they take his car.
Then we see the ladies go to Chippendale's to get back at
the guys. Anyway, the bartender there is a friend
of Rick's who is actually going to come to the bachelor party and calls them
Rick, says that they're going to head down there. The depressed friend stays
behind Debbie's. Then dad shows
up for a convention at the same hotel that the guys are
at. We cut back to Chippendale's,
and Tina is having a very good time dancing
with the dudes. Then the guys
get a man, who they call Nick the dick, to play a practical joke,
who, apparently, he has a large member, and they
put it in a hot dog bun and they deliver it. And Debbie's
mom goes to grab the hot dog, which is not a hot dog, and she
can't let go of it as she keeps pulling at it. Everyone's trying
to get her to. To stop pulling at it. She, for some
reason, cannot stop pulling at it. That's the only funny part
of this whole thing, is everyone's like, mom, please let it go. And she keeps
pulling at it. Okay, stop it.
The practical joke is sexual assault. Yes. Pretty much.
Yeah. It's all through different types of eighties movies. Like, you cannot watch
ski school now, the same way that you used to watch ski school in the
eighties, for sure. Oh, no. I mean, think of revenge of the nerds
as a straight up rape by the. By the leader. Right?
Sex by deception cameras in a sorority.
Right? Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's gonna be very
difficult to try and talk about those films. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. I can't even bring myself to watch revenge
of the nerds anymore. Think about it. I'm glad that that won't
end up on one of your top ten lists for us to watch. Thank you.
No, that will never end up on a top ten list.
Do that. Debbie's cousin, however, sees the guys as they're,
like, running out. So then Gary goes
to a new pimp, and that is our next pimp. Hey, bro.
What it be? You're a pimp? You look like Gandhi.
I'm telling you. I am, Joe. I want women. I got women.
They sit on your face. Anything you want. Great.
Great. I want some. How much big hassle now,
bro. Soon they go to customers. I got a bachelor party
at the Parkview Hotel. That would be out of sight, dude.
Customers in same hotel let you have them at cut
rate price for 45 minutes.
$200. Great. So 45
minutes. No problem. Room 1002. Not 1
minute longer or milt will come for you. Milk this being
milt. Pretty heavy. Hey,
dude. Girls, back in 45 minutes,
our milt cuts your balls off. Fair enough.
Sick. I just bet my balls and shook on it.
Did you have enough seeing Peter's face, Bobby was less shocked. Of course she's
even seeing something of that size.
Sure. Hey, yo, Brad. I was raped 16 times earlier this
evening. Hey, big Brad. Harry's coming up with a chicken.
A little water? Where's the young man?
What are you doing? I'm killing myself.
Oh.
You know, Brad, marriage is a dicey thing at best.
And sometimes people say things that they don't mean. But, I mean,
you and sue, you're mature people. Eventually you work this stuff out. You gotta lighten
up. Oh, Brad. I don't care anymore.
Lazy. I'm no good friend. I'm just gonna end it all
right here.
Oh. Oh, God.
Are you all right? Yeah.
Pain is such a rush.
Oh, this is good. Is there anything I can do for you?
Oh, no.
This is pain.
Fabulous. There could be some major damage
here.
Okay. All right. So the mechanic,
he gets back and he tells the guy to go check
out his car. And it is all tricked out. This is
legitimately a gut buster. When I saw this car
and what they did to it and how much they fucked up his fucking Ferrari
or Porsche, whatever the fuck it was. Porsche? Yeah. His Porsche.
Yeah. The way that they fucked up his Porsche made me fucking laugh. And I
started giggling like a fucking kid because of,
like, just. Cause he's always been Kent to me. And, you know, seeing him here
as Cole and having a prank that's, like, real genius pulled on him and having
him do the same reaction, only, you know, obviously a dumber,
fucking privileged piece of shit,
made me fucking good stuff. Like, a lot. I did really enjoy that.
And having those two things happen relatively close to
each other. The joke that I enjoyed with the
ladies having. Cutting the film. And the other thing that actually legit made
me laugh. I can't. Oh, the bachelorette party getting. Or the.
Excuse me. The bridesmaids bridal shower. Bridal shower.
The bridal shower, quote unquote getting turned into a bachelorette party by having
two hookers go at it with each other on whips. Yeah.
That made me laugh, too. And having those two things close together, those three
things, like all relatively close together, had me enjoy it enough to keep watching.
And it was just one of those things where I was like, okay, so this
is just not a comedy for me. And I'm less
upset about some of the actions, but these guys still frustrate me and make me
angry. Yes. Course they do. But, I mean, the Porsche prank is
fucking ballsy. It's. It's. Yeah, it's. It's great. By the
way, I believe that's the end of that 20 minutes as well. Yeah, that's a
good 20 minutes break. So I. Yeah, we already get the discussion for it,
so I'll. I'll try and punch it in, or I'll just let it be.
Because who gives a fuck? And why should I edit it anyway? Yeah, I mean,
fuck them. You mean the. I get it.
I don't know. It's you. You're the one who's getting all surly about this
movie right now. Yeah. If you mean fuck them as in the guys in this
movie, then sure. Let's just remember
I had to watch spit on your grave. Okay, let's just remember
the two movies that you brought up I watched when I was twelve and affected
me less than this film. That's really weird, though. I'm gonna
tell you. It's really weird. I know. Really weird. It's because I
expect people to be awful and rotten and then be punished
for their sins. Okay, well, it doesn't happen in
all the movies you've shown me. I know. We can move on,
asshole. All right. I don't know, man.
It's like we come to the end of the ten year run, and I'm just
turning more and more back into the why I was at the beginning of the
first year. Yeah, right. You were supposed to grow,
find out things about yourself. I have. And you know what I found out?
Maybe I was right the whole time. Right the first time.
Oh, God. Well, all right. The hookers and Gary get to the party.
And Rick is very nervous about this because, you know, he promised no
women. We cut back to the ladies. And that is our
next clip. I had a wiener right in my hand.
I told you, Lynette. Men are our pigs. Saw those
swine just standing there. God, what a gross thing to do.
You know, I have to admit, even for Rick, that was beyond the valley of
good taste. Yeah, well, Rick and his pals probably. Need even
whores by now. I can't wait to see what those. Guys are up to me,
either. Well, if I find out Stanley's been screwing around,
I'll kill him. Kill? I won't do anything that drastic.
I just won't get married. Good. Talking some sense.
Well, let's get ready, you guys. Come on. Right. Let's get going
with this. Mom. Strange way right in
my palm.
Hi. Can I help you? We're the band. Band? O'Neill sent us.
Oh, O'Neill. Great. Everybody's busy in the bedrooms
right now, but come on in. Make yourself at home. Oh,
that's nice hair. I'm trying to make sure no one smokes around together.
Because if not, maybe introductions are in order.
Why do good girls like bad boys?
Why do good girls like bad boys?
It must be the thrill she gets when he lights a cigarette.
Or the way his muscles play. Every time he combs his head,
it goes like a noise.
That voice,
like that. Boy,
that was incredible. And also wonderful moving
experience. I thank you, bottom of my heart.
Next. Yeah, there's somebody. Ricky.
Ricky. Go, babe. Get in there, my brother. My dearest family member.
Go in there. She's incredible. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. I will, I will, I will. But the party's young riddle just starting up.
I will, I will. I want to ask you a question first. Listen, you're my
older brother. Let me ask you some advice. You are a married man, right?
I am about to be a married man. What can I expect from this marriage
thing, huh? What is the honest scoop? The honest scoop is
the first month from the beginning. It's terrific. It's great.
The second month, you know, things calm down a little bit.
Third month, looking through your old phone numbers, old girlfriends.
But by the fourth month, fourth month,
you just. You're numb, you know, just.
It's incredible. So by the fifth month, hopefully,
football season starts. Football? You got ball games, right? You're betting ball games.
You got Monday night power. I am so glad
we had this chat. Really. Thanks. You really answered my question.
Hi. We were just walking by and we heard the music. Can we come in?
Sure. Come on in. Join the party,
babes.
So, what can I get for $25? An elevator ride around the
block? A pogo pump or a pogo swirl or a pump
with an underground hammer. Wait a minute. Whatever happened to
handjob? All right, there was a couple of things in the party that
actually made me laugh. But the thing that really
actually worked is what made me laugh at the end, where the guy asks,
what happened to a hand job? As he walks away. And she was kind of
describing that. She was just trying to use terms that, like code
words. Like code words to make it vague just in case he's a cop,
because look at him. He's a fucking cop. He's definitely a cop. Yeah, that's why
she didn't quote him any prices. She just listed the menu of what was available.
What happened to a hand job? What is he, in fucking middle
school? Come on. Yeah, right. I mean, Jesus Christ, if you gotta go,
at least go full speaker one. Don't get me wrong. If a
hand job is the only thing that's on the table, I'm happy to
have it. I'm not gonna be ungrateful for it. That's definitely not
the only thing that was on the table. Right, but given the Mendez that was
there, are you just looking for the economy of
it, man? I mean, then you're just being insulting to your sex worker.
It's weird. Time to start getting stingy, that's all I'm saying.
Right. He's already. I know. I get it. He's already dropped $200 to get girls
that never even fucking showed up. Right? Yeah, but, I mean, you know,
he probably has. I'm just saying it's a weird time to start
budgeting. If you are already engaging
in negotiations with a prostitute, it is not the time
to be complaining about the charges.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's. This is not the time. You're right.
I wanted to smack that mustache off that motherfucker's face. Right.
Jesus Christ, man. What are you doing? Told you. These people make me
angry. They really do. They really. They are grinding your gears,
sir. I hate people who have a good time, Matt. Yeah,
right. So, okay, so Gary sees
a very tall woman, and they go right to the bedroom. As she carries
him in there, the party's in full swing, and Rick finds his
depressed friend again, and are.
What the hell are you doing? I'm slashing my wrists.
With an electric razor. Okay, I know. I couldn't find any razor blades.
Well, at least your wrist will be smooth and kissable. Do this
thing. What is the matter with you? Will you go out there and have
some fun and have a few laughs, please?
Have fun first, and then have a few laughs. Just forget about the
marriage. Just for a couple hours, all right? This is a party, remember?
Go out there and party.
That's good. That's good.
Gary has the big stallion, Rick. I really
think I'm in love. We're talking marriage,
kids, the whole thing.
I'm very happy for you. Name your first ex kids after
me. Okay.
Okay. And she comes in and she pees standing
up. Yeah. Fuck this joke. Yeah. So Gary freaks out,
and he starts getting into the shower.
Hey, you know one thing? He never misgenders
her. Yeah. Okay. At the end of the movie, he says she
give Gary a little bit of credit. Yeah. Even still.
Okay. I mean, I know it's a bad joke. I'm just saying they never misgender
her. It's very nice. Okay. I get it. And what
is essentially happening here is this was deception.
And that is definitely something to be upset about, that you were deceived,
especially if you are not sexually attracted, and this was not
your thing. I get it that. That part of it is fine.
I don't have an issue with that. But, like, the reveal of the joke and
them just going to do that just because. Hey, hey, isn't this so fucking funny
that this happened to this person? It's essentially a rape joke
and a trans panic joke all wrapped up in one, which is why I say,
fuck this joke. That's. That's it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. But no, it's the eighties.
Welcome to the eighties. Right. I'm just saying, fuck this joke. No,
I understand that. We can move on.
I understand. I see where you're going. I see you,
and I will, you know, I hear you, and I want you to know that
you've been heard. Somehow, you saying that to me feels like
you are patronizing me and makes me more angry. What?
You're getting crazy. You're getting crazy over there.
We can move on. All right. So, depressed friend,
he finds all the drugs and just starts doing them. Taking pills
and shit. This made me laugh.
I don't know why, and I felt bad for it. You like seeing
people hit rock bottom? I think, Cort, that's why I always. Hung out with
you. Yeah, exactly. I have. I always find a new bottom to my
rock bottom. It's great. So anyway,
the brother and the dumb friend, they go and get a donkey.
The bad guy's back, and he's sneaking around. The best friend notices
Rick just sitting there. And that is our next palamine.
I'm concerned. Hey, what about. This is your party.
Your bachelor party. You haven't had sex with anyone yet. Nah,
this is not true. I had a bunch of sex tonight. I'm just very fast.
You haven't been able to see me. Foom. There. I just. Foom. Foom. I had
it twice. Come on. I got something you can't resist. You do.
You remember Tracy? Tracy, I am
a mortal. Man. O'Neal, of course I remember Tracy. Wow. You remember how crazy
she was? Was about you? Crazy was crazy.
Why did you come out? Yeah, of course she was. Well, I called her up
and I told that you were about to be put on the unavailable list.
Oh, you did? Yep. She decided to come over and
give you a little something. Well, I.
Right in there, pal. Oh, in the bedroom? Yeah. Tracy's in the bedroom.
You got it. Tracy is in the bedroom. Evan awaits.
Oh, O'Neill.
Oh, well, now, O'Neill, this is a gift.
I bet. How can I.
How can I turn this down? You can't.
I guess I can. Oh,
Tracy.
Oh, hell. All right. Okay. All right. I will. All right.
Okay. All right. If I'm not back and a half an hour, call the paramedics.
All right. That's the old Rick.
Hello?
Oh, he'd. My chair.
Rick, take me. Please.
Rick, you promised me.
You promised me you wouldn't make love to anybody else.
Don't go back on your word, Rick. Be true.
Be strong. Go work, go down.
What? Nuts? Look at my tits. You're perfect.
Rick, take me, please.
Nice to have you,
Alika. Well, hey.
Hey. She can walk. I don't know my business, you know.
Hey, O'Neal, I just lied. I'm sorry, man. Nothing happened in there,
all right? I know how much is meant to you, but I couldn't do it.
Nothing happened. Okay? I love Debbie. I made a promise to. Went on crazy
about her. All right? Hey, I understand.
To tell you the truth, I'm envious. I wish I
had someone who was in my every thought. Somebody I could spend
all my time with, somebody I could really respect.
Hey, look at that. Cans on that. Bingo. So the
ex girlfriend that was trying to seduce him or offering
him it. Was even an ex girlfriend they'd never dated. They just all knew her.
She had a crush on him, but he never knew it. Number one, it's a
thank you movie. Yeah. He never knew it. Sort of.
Or he did know it and never acted on it. Yeah, it's something,
but. Right. But this is her basically deciding that this
is my last chance to be with this person that I've always had
a crush on, which is really fucked up.
Yeah. Yeah. All that great. And Rick, being a
good guy, does nothing about it. Well, it's the hell out of there. Because he
made a promise. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's. He's. He's a monogamous man with his woman. That's all
he wants. Can we talk about how fucking traumatizing it is to see Monique Gabriela's
wonderful breasts with multiple other people's face just
superimposed above them. I love the brother's head where he's like,
look at my tits. God damn. That was just fucking awful.
That was just. But I mean, you know, it got back to
normal and then you're just like, this is. Yeah. Monique Gabriela is
an eighties kind of icon for this sort
of film. She got involved with Jim Wynorsky and, you know,
Mister Papatopoulos himself, you know, is known for making a
certain type of film, basically women with big boobs showing off their boobs.
Yeah, they were an item for a little while and they did several movies together
and stuff like that. And you'll see her pop up doing basically this where
she does like a quick nude scene or will be a character in a film
directed by Jim Mornorsky. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Right. But anyway, this was pretty much,
I think, maybe one of her first roles, if not her absolute first role.
And she is absolutely lovely and holy shit.
Yeah, that is definitely a thank you movie. And it brightened
my mood, but immediately made me feel like a scumbag for being like,
yeah, I can forgive this film, all this other shit. No,
well, you don't have to forgive it, but it's all right.
Will this remain on my collection now
that I haven't? Probably. Will I only ever be fast forwarding
to this sequence with Monique Gabliela? Absolutely. And pausing.
Yeah. Will I fast forward through all the heads popping up? That traumatizes
me. Absolutely. Of course. Yeah. Yes.
Well, the bad guy then gets a hotel right
across the street from Rick's party. He has a crossbow and he's shooting arrows.
It was kind of funny. Where they see one arrow, Tom Hanks goes, what's that?
Beats me. What is that? The second arrow. I am still perplexed.
I don't know why that always tickles my fancy. So they see the bad guy
from across and, oh, one of the arrow.
When the first arrow hits, the pimp comes looking for his ladies because it's been
past 45 minutes and he gets scared. So he says he's going to go get
milked. Well, Debbie and the ladies are now all
done up as hookers. They get to the hotel. Well, so does Milt. And Milt
sees them and thinks they're the hookers he's looking for. It takes them to the
other party that's in the hotel. Um, we see it's a bunch of japanese
businessmen who they're being delivered to. And then they chase them
around the room. The guys use that other lady from before who's
in the bedroom for Rick to get inside of
the bad guy's room. And they bum rush them through the door. And then
they hang him out the window naked. And that is our next clip.
No. No.
Oh, hey, you guys, you can't do this.
I'm sure we can't. We're just gonna put you in a safe place to laugh.
To the party. Oh, no. No. Please. Please stop.
No. Stop. Hey. Hey. Hey. You guys can't do
this. Hey. Hey. Come on. Hey. No.
Goddess. Now, you stay out of
trouble down there, young man. Take care. I hope you die,
you bastard. Bye bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye bye. Hey, you bastards.
I'm gonna live. I'm gonna live.
Well, here we are.
This is gonna be some night, huh? Huh? Are you ready for this? Are you
ready for this? Come here.
Come here.
Look, why don't you make yourself comfortable, all right?
You know, there's a terrific moon out tonight.
Okay, we're here. Now, how do we get this donkey inside?
I don't know. What do you mean,
you don't know? I thought you had it all figured out. You had a plan.
Oh, maybe I did. I don't know. Oh, I forgot.
I'd like to get you on an. Operating table just once.
I got it. We got what? What?
Look, you're gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be fine. Don't worry about it.
How about some air? Air? You've been taking some air. That'd be nice, wouldn't it?
Are you sure you're okay? Yes. Are you? Fine. Really?
I mean, coming over at the west, they seem like nice guys.
Well, thanks for your help, and we appreciate it. Anytime,
al. Good night.
God. Son, what are you doing here? What happened? The party's upstairs,
sir. And they made me get naked and then. Why?
They made me get naked, and then they hung me out from the window.
And then I was so scary, and I fell. All right, you get hold of
yourself. What room are they in? There are the tests. What's up for, sir?
I'm going up there, and I'll take care of this. Now, you go and get
yourself some clothes. You look awful. I think that for what he
was trying to do, which is essentially just straight up killing this motherfucker,
you know? Yeah, like, that's. That's a. Like when the guy said, I hope
you die, you bastard. Like, he was shooting an arrow recklessly at the party
and could have hit anybody there, but was attempting murder.
And this is what they do. I think he gets off light. Yeah, that was
a murder that he attempted. Yeah. And he did get off light. Yeah.
I mean, I'm perfectly fine with how they humiliated him. And honestly,
I think they should have beat that motherfucker within an inch of his life and
then held him there until the cops came. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love. I hear there's an excellent mood out tonight.
And you see his ass is right against the window. And the way
that everyone screams at each other because he's
screaming, the other couple screaming, that's like Proctor laugh.
That's like Proctor naked in police academy movies level. You know
what I mean? Like, it's just made me laugh, though.
Yeah, I get it, I get it. You know, police academy's movies don't
hit for me like they used to. I bet you they wouldn't. I bet.
No, I bet not. No. Yeah, yeah, no,
probably not. I should just keep my warm, fuzzy memories of watching those as a
kid, huh? Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to see any more of that,
okay? We can move on. That's not going to do you any good. That's not
going to help you in your life. Let's ruin
more of courts. Childhood. Yay. Oh, by the way, that was
the end of the 20 minutes. We can move on, it's fine. All right,
well, we're going into the final 20. The party is now packed
and the donkey shows up. And that is our next clip.
How you doing, everybody? And we brought back a friend.
Gentlemen, ladies, for your viewing pleasure,
meet Max, the magical sexual mule.
Wow. Geez. A donkey that doesn't
want to be recognized? Something interesting is gonna
happen here. And here's Max's partner.
More ways than one. A gal who doesn't believe happiness ends with primates.
The lovely Miss Desiree. Let's give her a hat.
My God, what are you people doing in here?
Uh oh. It's Mister laughs.
Rick, I knew you were a vile,
disgusting degenerate, but bestiality?
This goes beyond my wildest dreams.
Yeah, well, I like to stretch myself on occasion.
Will you through, mister? When Debbie hears about this, I can assure you
she will never see you again. You're absolutely right,
Mister Thompson. You should go give Debbie a call right now. There's a phone in
the back bedroom.
You through, mister?
What? Thanks, pal. Debbie finds out about this, I am
dead. She's never gonna speak to me again. Will you relax? I have everything
under control. Hired help,
ladies, follow me.
Sorry for the interruption, folks. We now return you to the arts.
I think his fiance kinda has a right to want to end
the wedding for him. Willingly taking participation in a
donkey show. Is he participating or just viewing?
Viewing someone sexually abusing an animal? Is still viewing
someone sexually abusing an animal. Was it her species?
Erotica? Yeah, that is the term that they try to use in clerks.
Clark's. Yeah, yeah. Because of this movie.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know. It's just, it's still
fucking sexually abusing an animal. And you are just paying to watch it.
Yeah. This interspecies erotica. They are abusing
that animal. Yes. We can move on. Thanks.
Yeah, there's more dancing. And the donkey gets into
the drugs, and the donkey freaks out. It dies.
So they put it in an elevator. The manager getting calls,
he goes to the elevator to go up there and check it out, and he
finds the donkey. The ladies get all the dudes.
The ladies, with all the japanese businessmen, get the,
get them all put away. And they're like, yep, there you go.
They get them into a room, they shut the door, and the cousin goes,
you guys go, I'll hold the door. So they run out while the cousin opens
up the door, just throws herself at the dudes. Because she's like, let's get this
going. Yeah. For some reason, she's decided she's going
to make money the fun way. Yeah, yeah. Or just have fun.
Fun her own fun way. Yeah. But she's going into this knowing at the end
that these men are expecting to pay for it, so. Yeah, that's true.
So, hey, there you go. But, you know,
however you want to do it, I guess, right? I ain't arguing. She wanted to
go in there. She's going to get it. She's going to get it happening for.
Right. I mean, she made a decision that she's very comfortable
with and great for her, and I hope those men treat her like gentlemen.
Yeah, me too. Me too. So the women are running to the elevator.
They find the donkey. They go to stairs, but Debbie sees where
Rick's room is. So. So she goes in the party, and his brother
and best friend, they see her dressed as a hooker,
and he sends. And this leads to our final clip.
Guess who's here. Another surprise guest. Who?
Does the name Debbie mean anything to you? What?
Mine? Debbie. Now, what was the costume?
I don't know. Hey, listen, do me a favor. Go up
to her like you don't know her and send her into the back bedroom,
all right? I. You got it.
Hi, baby. You're new here.
I don't believe the groom has had you yet? No, nothing?
No, not yet. Where is the
groom? In the bedroom.
Hey, it's dark in here. Don't turn on the light,
sugar. I'll lead you around.
Oh, well. Seeing eye hooker. This is a nice service.
Hey, you don't look half bad. Let's see how
you are in the sack. Yeah.
Damn you,
Debbie. You're a hooker. I don't believe it. I can't trust
you. Come on. I knew it was you.
Hey, you're lying. It was a joke.
Debbie, wait.
Just hold on. Wait. Hold on.
Please, just give me a chance to explain. Debbie,
Debbie, Debbie, just gimme. I didn't do anything.
Hardly. The marriage is off.
Now you can screw around with your friends for the rest of your life.
I don't want that. I want you. And I want somebody who
understands the. Meaning of the word commitment. I understand commitment. Commitment. I love
you. I don't believe you. Oh, you don't? Oh,
fine. Good. Hey. Hey, people. Attention,
please. Hey, shut up.
Have I had sex with anyone in this room tonight?
No.
You sure about this?
Fine. Good. Resume party.
Do you understand? Now, this isn't your ordinary party crowd
here. I mean, there are professionals in here, but I didn't want them.
You. Who? You? You. The only one I've ever wanted.
You understand?
So what do we do about it?
Let's get naked. Okay,
Daddy. All my years as a photographer,
I've never had. Never seen such a natural. The camera loves him.
Daddy, what are you doing here?
He says he's having a wonderful time and is thinking of
changing his name to Spike. It's only
not all day long. I've been getting calls all night. God only knows what they're
doing in there. All right, open up. You're under arrest.
One, two, three. All right, boys, break it in.
Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. Got the key.
Their solution is to tie up this gentleman, which is essentially
kidnapping, because they are detaining him against his will.
Then dress him up in bondage gear and take photos
of him against his will to blackmail him and humiliate him.
Yes, major heal program all heals.
And then lying to his own daughter about what they are actually doing just
so that she will marry the guy because he professes to love her.
Well, she loves him. Right? But had she known what they were actually doing
to her father, one would assume that since he had knowledge
of this, that she would not marry him. Well, if she has daddy issues that.
Doesn'T like her dad, fair, maybe she would. Okay, we can move on.
So it's a mad dash to get out now that the cops are here.
The bad guy sees everyone running. Debbie and Rick get separated,
and she is taken by the bad guy. Gary gets handcuffed to the
lady who he was with earlier. Stan's wife Tina
sees him and beats the shit out of him. And some cops so
see, his brother gotta come up and get the shit kicked out
of him. And so did cops. You should really like this scene.
Watching cops get beat up is great. Yeah, yeah. So Rick
sees Debbie getting taken into a truck, follows in his
bus with a bunch of other partygoers who are just, like, wanting to help Rick
out. They get to a multiplex theater. It's like
36, like, theaters. And they all go running and trying
to find them. Rick. And Rick finds them in this 3d
movie. They're having an epic fight, and the people
wear, the gossips think it's part of it movie. They're like, wow, the effects are
so cool. This girl goes, I've seen better that she gets hit in the face.
And she goes, wow. I have to give the movie credit.
Having the two actors sync up the fight to the thing that was on
screen and having it done basically twice. Having them dress just
close enough to make it work. And then even having Tawny Kataine's
character acting out the sequences, that the female stands off to the side
during the fight in the movie was all like, cool. And I
didn't even mind the cornball ness of the joke because it was like a sort
of Zucker brothers style joke. Whenever the lady said that she's seen better effects,
and then after she gets punched in the face, she's like, wow. Like, this was
at least fun. And I'm like, oh, man, at least you gave me something like
this. I wish there was more humorous like this in the film. Yeah, right.
Yeah. Well, after that, Rick wins the fight.
His depressed friend is now depressed cause he thinks he killed the donkey.
So then he goes and he drives the bus through
the movie theater. The crowd goes fanatic. We cut to
the wedding, goes off without a hitch. They run to the bus for their
honeymoon. But unfortunately,
it's being driven by the depressed friend who's kind of crazy now.
And they take off. Roll credits. Cinema psyops
1010 years ten years.
Okay. Yeah. Like I said, it's a movie that exists. It's a
lot of comedy that does not hit for me. It definitely misses quite
a bit in a lot of spots. The parts that I discussed, I did
really enjoy. And I think that even if I were watching this with
another person, I would be like, why are you laughing at some of these things,
you know? No, I'm glad you didn't watch it with me. Right. Cause you probably
would have been losing your shit and I would have just been like, annoyed with
you. Yeah. It's like trying
to watch something, I don't know, like trying
to watch like Anchorman with somebody that absolutely loves it and I like
certain parts of it. Yeah, the. The funniest part of the whole film
is with the two hookers show up to the bridal shower. Yeah,
that's. Yeah. And, and the car, the reveal of the car is
absolutely fucking hilarious. For sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good stuff, too. Yeah. All of it's so good. Yeah.
That those two parts, the, the 3d.
Fight sequence and then the audience, like, thinking that it's
actually part of it was actually pretty funny, too. Oh, yeah. I did enjoy
that because, you know, just cuz it was just a
nice breath of fresh air. The Monique Gabriella
scene where they do this thing where there's this girl that's always had a crush
on him and is like looking for her last chance. That was
actually kind of a pretty plausible eighties thing. Like, you could have had that
in a drama. He would have made the decision to sleep with her and then
it turns out, well, maybe he was in love with this girl the entire time
and he's gonna go run off with her instead, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's another direction that you could go with
that as well. That's a pretty standard plot and an excuse just to have a
beautiful woman get naked. And thank you, movie for that. Again.
Thank you, movie. Very sincerely. A lot of the stuff, though,
just. Yeah. Just didn't work for me. But that's fine.
It's not for everybody, you know, that's how comedy works. It either works for you
or it doesn't. Comedy is very subjective. Yeah. And as we've already
established, I don't really have a sense of humor unless I can vampire it
off of somebody else. Yeah, that's true. And it's kind of weird.
It's almost like I'm a fucking restless psychopath. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, good times. Why don't we go ahead and take
the break here? We're gonna play the flesh tones with the song american
beat 84, which was featured in the soundtrack
of bachelor party. And when we come back, Matt's gonna have storytelling.
Did you know that it was actually gonna help you with counselor Dan's
insanity as well? That's just a happy, you know, happy side effect
here. Who knew counselor dad would hug me, trying to hug me down? Yeah.
No one. He's blaming you for the breakup of his marriage. I mean, I played
the call for you before we started recording. That came in, actually, and I'll put
it at the beginning of the show. So everybody can hear it before we.
Even get started so they'll know what we're talking about. Yeah, but that came in.
He called me. I was working on editing earlier this week, and he called
me, and he just was obviously distraught. Right. I mean,
that's for scratch. I'll tell you why. Number one, I didn't even
talk to him. That was in the office in, like, I don't know, three months.
Ever since the lawsuit started, right. I've had no contact with
her. And, you know, I mean, I don't know what his problem.
You know what? We both know what his problem is. We just can't talk about
it. Well, no, I mean, the lawsuit is almost settled. We've almost got things squared
away, and eventually all things will, let's just say,
come out. Yeah. Yeah. When that happens.
Yeah. I'm not sure where that was featured in the movie. I really don't.
I don't know. I can't glom that from just hearing it again.
Yeah, but apparently it was on the soundtrack, or at least that's what Google listed.
And we all know that Google is 100% accurate, and you never have to.
Question it, of course. Why would you question it? Well, we could probably find
out in your next story time.
Story time.
Story time. All right. I will tell a story of a bachelor
party I attended once. This better not be mine.
It's not. This is not yours. You're all right. Yeah. Things happen
at my bachelor party that we must never speak of, because the statute of limitations
from our wives will not be good. No. Yeah. No, we never
speak of those bachelor parties. Ever. Never, ever,
ever. No. It was a friend of mine, and I
was bad. I was probably about 21, I think it
was before 911. It was the summer before 911,
so I was either at this point, 21 or 22,
maybe. I don't know. But I was going to a friend's bachelor party in
St. Louis, and, you know, typical bachelor
party stuff. I flew out there to St. Louis and,
you know, we went to a baseball game, had the normal
fun. We were there for a few days, and the final day that
night is when you do. We went to a strip club. This strip
club is on the other side of this is on the Illinois side. So we
could. It was open like 24/7 it was like a 24
hours. It was like. It was open late. So we're going,
and I may have had a few libations, and I lose complete track
of time. My flight is at eight in the morning. I hate to interrupt you
here, but you have told this story before. Have I? Yeah. Where you're
covered in glitter and on the flight back, you sit next to
the nun. Oh, shit. Yeah. You have told this story before.
That's fucking awesome. Oh, damn it. Damn it.
Such a good story to go for this movie. I never thought we'd do this
movie. You would have saved
it. Shit,
I hate. Let me talk about court's bachelor party. So anyway.
Holy fuck.
No, no, you know what? That's enough. We pan it out enough.
It's fine. We're fine. Anyway, if you didn't hear that episode,
I woke up very late. I didn't wake up, actually. I'd never slept.
I was at the strip club. I looked out. I just happened finally
to look at my watch, and it was like six in the morning.
My flight was at eight, so I had to get a cab all the way
to the hotel, run real quick, get my shit,
get another cab to the airport. By the time I
got to the airport, sat down, realized I had not looked at myself.
I know I smell like a whorehouse. Just the perfume coming
off of me is terrible. And I look
to my right and I'm sitting next to a nun, sits down next to me,
and I'm like, this is. This is good news. And then she goes,
oh, I thought you may want to do something. She handed me a mirror.
I had, like, lipstick marks on me and all that glitter all over
me by lipstick marks all over my face and my neck. And I'm like,
yeah, could have done without that.
Like, I just hope this plane fucking crashes.
Yeah, I do remember you telling that tale, and I'm pretty sure our audience will
remember as well. But, nah, not a big deal. You know,
we got a few laughs out of it. Why don't we go ahead and
end this awkwardness? We're going to go ahead and play the show housekeeping. And immediately
following that, on the pirate radio edit only, we've got Darlene love
with a cover of Alley oop. If you've decided you can't get
enough of the show and would like to check out more of it, we're available
at Legion Pun. You know, those two idiots don't listen to the show, so we
can say. This freely, but, hey, be very careful with your verbiage here,
because I can't say. Did you notice how they signed that contract that we
put in there? We don't have a gag order on us. We can say whatever
the hell we want as soon as this thing goes through. Well, yeah, they kind
of. They kind of messed up there. Luckily, you know,
having the criminal lawyers of bogus fakes and fraud, we've got ourselves covered. So.
Yeah, I mean, we've. We definitely. They outsmarted them
at every turn. I thought it was kind of weird that the shaman wanted to
act as their own lawyer. Yeah, I think the shaman might take on a little
too much responsibility. Well, he was told by some kind of spirit eagle that sore
through him that if he acted as their lawyer, all things
would work out fine for him. I'm telling you, that starring eagles
straight up sucks. Yeah. Whatever it is, the legal advice from
the other side that he's getting is terrible. Yeah, I mean, holy Jesus.
Yeah, that's pretty. We're getting pretty dangerous here because our own lawyers have
basically said that we need to be careful. We will be careful. I'm not gonna
say anything more about it. I'm just gonna say, guys, I. You know, it's just
such a way that I had to come to you from an undisclosed. You know
what? It actually makes sense that our 25th episode, the silver
anniversary, as it were, is I should be in a undisclosed
location. But, yeah, our show's finally old enough to pay less in
car insurance as well. Yeah, exactly. I just don't even need to worry.
I am fully stocked with booze and fattening
foods and rawhead Rex pests. So I've got
all the staples that I need. Also, you got my cardinal package then. That's good.
I certainly did. Thank you, sir. Yeah, and even I don't necessarily
know where you are. I routed through, like, a post office box
and then somebody else. I make sure to keep myself pretty hidden from everybody.
Are you doing okay away from your family in this. This undisclosed location? I mean,
do you have enough, like, sports? Yeah. I texted
my wife from a burner phone, and she seemed actually really
relieved that I wasn't at home. That's. I don't know.
I probably need to that kind of issue before it's all said and done,
but, hey, listen, everyone seems happy.
Well, that was certainly eighties, was it not? Yeah,
right. That was very eighties. Not nearly as
eighties as what we're going to be playing on the pirate radio edit to have
us go out and just end the episode. Probably the
most eighties of any movie band to show up in a movie
ever. That's like, just used in just about everything in
the eighties, right? Yeah. Right. Well, I'm going to ask you to enjoy oingo Boingo
while you kick the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch
with their song bachelor party.
The only thing that I'm really concerned about is that the address of the
lab is going to be in all the final legal paperwork. I mean, we may
have to worry about Dan at that point, but aren't. You kind of working on
that kind of dimensional thing that maybe we
don't have an address? It's kind of classified, so I can't
answer that. But I'm just saying. Yeah, we might not have to worry about that
too much. Well, we can't really talk about the government contracts I've got going right
now. We can't talk about it? No, no. But I can state that some
of the projects that I've been working on at the start of the show,
like our war robots, are going over rather well. And so
we may actually be able to unload a whole bunch of those pretty
soon. I can say that much. Getting a little clustered in the lab.
Yeah, they've been going a little bit crazy. And unfortunately, you know, they've. They started
building themselves and, you know, they've started talking in ways that I
don't quite like. But with the. With the building of Matt Robot, I think we'll
be okay. Yeah. Yeah. Matt robot. I'm almost positive that nothing
can go wrong with that. And he will fix everything.
Check. Fuck. That's fine. Hello? Hello? Hey.
Hello. Yes. Can you hear me? Yep. All right. Awesome. Recording in progress.
All right, so, uh, you're up first with, uh,
bachelor party. Let's, uh, let's get this done. Let's do it.
All right. In 3210.
Hang on. Fucking sound plan isn't working right now.
Yeah. The most eighties of any movie band to show
up in a movie ever. That's, like, just used in
just about everything in the eighties, right? Yeah. Right. Well, I'm gonna ask you to
enjoy oingo boingo while you kick the fuck out of this week
and make it your bitch with their song bachelor party. All right,
we don't need to finish that. I think you might have heard it in the
credits or something. Who knows? Yeah. All right,
man, let's go ahead and stop this now.
Recording stopped.