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Online Prayer Resolution Course by Mike Banker in 2024.
Tonight, we're gonna talk about indicators of unhealthy self esteem. So how do you know if somebody has an unhealthy self esteem? How do you know that they don't see themselves the way God does? Well, you look at their behaviors. That's usually how you know.
Mike Banker:We can see from these different behaviors listed here that they reveal that their self esteem isn't quite right, something's wrong. We are supposed to love ourself and love our neighbor, but none of these behaviors that we're gonna describe are loving. But the thing about these behaviors is they don't know that they're even doing them. It's not like they say, oh, I have poor self esteem so I'm going to control everybody. All they really know is they feel comfortable when they're in control.
Mike Banker:They feel uncomfortable when they're not. So these are not conscious responses to low self esteem. They happen subconsciously. So everyone needs a sense of belonging, a sense of worth, and a sense of competence. And if they're lacking any of these things, they will have an unhealthy view of themselves.
Mike Banker:And from experience with working with people then, the following behaviors and attitudes may indicate low self esteem. They only know they feel comfortable when they behave this way and very uncomfortable if they don't. The first one is controlling. A person who's very controlling, they need to be in control. They need to control others, and they'll use anything in order to be in control.
Mike Banker:They may use anger or tears or manipulation, bullying, just anything that works. For example, this daughter wants to go to college a, but the mother wants her to go to college b. So the mother refuses to eat for 4 days. And when it doesn't work, the mother threatens to kill herself and blames the daughter for her own choices not to eat and to try to kill herself. Mother is clearly manipulating her daughter into getting it her way.
Mike Banker:Mom doesn't feel secure unless she controls the decision. Kind of the thinking behind this is as long as I am in control, then others will not find out how inadequate I am. So they feel inadequate and they hide behind control. That's what's going on here. So do you know anybody like this?
Mike Banker:It has to be always in control. Probably there's a self esteem issue behind them. They don't see themselves the way that God does. Another biggie is someone who's always critical and shaming others. They're critical of themselves.
Mike Banker:They're critical of others. They compare themselves with others. They make the other person look worse so that the comparison makes them look better. So here's an example. This husband criticizes everything his wife does.
Mike Banker:She doesn't wash the dishes properly. She doesn't cook or clean well. She can't even buy the right cucumbers. The stems are too long. So he is literally criticizing every single thing she does so he feels superior to her in every way.
Mike Banker:If he had a good self esteem, if he saw himself the way God does, it wouldn't be necessary to treat his wife like this. By perceiving his wife as bad, or lacking, or weak, it allows himself to perceive himself as good, or sufficient, or strong. He has to be superior, otherwise he doesn't feel comfortable. Another example, this mother constantly compares her daughter to another child in front of her daughter's face and praises the other child and shames her each time. The mother is trying to motivate the child to better perform, And the child does work harder, but the child also feels rejected by the mom and hides herself.
Mike Banker:After working hard and still not getting mom's praise, she tries to poison herself. Being critical and shaming, it's not some innocent thing without any cost. It can be very costly if this young daughter kills herself in response. Although the mother justifies her criticism, she still wronged her daughter and she still damaged the relationship. So this behavior is not loving.
Mike Banker:It leads to destruction and death. Another example, this wife, she asked her husband to describe his previous girlfriends in detail and he did. The wife asked, so what kind of clothes did they wear? And how did they do their hair? And what color was their hair?
Mike Banker:And, what was their makeup like? And were they a good kisser? So the wife asked all these questions of her husband, and he answered her. After this, his wife felt that she had the wrong color hair and the wrong clothes, and she was too short, and and she kissed poorly. And and so from this point on, then every single time her husband was around another woman, she went into a a jealous rage.
Mike Banker:The relationship was damaged due to her poor self esteem. The husband never should have answered those questions. That was the loving thing to do. Do you know somebody like this that they're just critical all the time of everybody and they make themselves look good in the process? Another one is someone who's consuming.
Mike Banker:Know this person because when you've been with them you're exhausted afterwards. They've just consumed you emotionally and maybe even physically. They just can't do anything for themselves. You have to do everything for them. Even though they're capable of doing things for themselves, you have to do everything for them.
Mike Banker:So they're very dependent on others, and they're very lacking. They need a part of another person. This kind of person, you feel very consumed when you're around them, but they're capable of doing so much more than they actually do. And so you feel very consumed. Know anybody like that?
Mike Banker:Another person's very judgmental. They judge themselves. They judge others. They have a standard. This kind of person, you never feel like you're good enough around them.
Mike Banker:Whenever you start to arrive at their standard, they simply move the standard. You can't reach their standard. It can't be allowed because it's not about you. It's about them. As long as you're not good enough, then they feel better about themselves.
Mike Banker:Someone who's just very judgmental, everybody else falls short because the standard. And if they get close to it they just simply move the standard. Another behavior that indicates unhealthy self esteem is depression. People can have a down day, but we're talking about somebody who's just down. They see themselves as a failure.
Mike Banker:They talk like a victim. They're so hopeless and so helpless. They withdraw. They're not able to get started. They put themselves down, and they have pity parties constantly.
Mike Banker:And all these things are related to low self esteem. Some awful things can happen in life. And there is a time for mourning but nowhere does the Bible call us victims. We may be victimized but we don't remain victims. The Bible calls us overcomers.
Mike Banker:And so they remain depressed. There's something wrong with their self esteem. Another example, this person's disrespectful. If they had a good self esteem, they would be respectful. But this person's disrespectful.
Mike Banker:In their heart, they say, I'm not okay. Therefore, you can't be okay either. I must be okay if I'm gonna survive, so I have to make you not okay. That makes me okay. When you're around this disrespectful kind of person, you feel belittled or worthless or insecure.
Mike Banker:If they had a good self esteem, if they saw themselves the way that God did, then they wouldn't, treat others disrespectfully like this. Another person's behavior is they're angry all the time. Their response to every frustration in life is anger. This happens, they're angry. That happens, they're angry.
Mike Banker:You ask them what they want for breakfast and they say eggs and they're angry. You make them the egg they want, they're still angry. They're angry because their worth as a person has never been validated. And so they're angry at the whole world. Nobody has ever said, I am so thankful that you're in this world.
Mike Banker:My life would be less if you didn't exist. So they're angry at everything and everyone. Another one is a need for constant affirmation and approval. They do something and they can't say, oh, I did a good thing. I did a good job.
Mike Banker:They can't affirm themselves. They can't acknowledge when they've done something well or they've done something good. They're constantly seeking approval from other people. It's kind of a game. They're trying to figure out what it is you need and give it to you so that you'll praise them.
Mike Banker:They don't have their own opinions. They don't have their own ideas. So what do you think? Oh, no. I don't have any thoughts.
Mike Banker:What do you think? They always defer to someone else. They never have an opinion. They never have an idea. They always adopt the other person's ideas and opinions instead.
Mike Banker:Their thinking is, if I can just do or think or feel and be what you want me to be or do, then you'll approve of me. Then I'll be okay. Here's an example then. This woman was invited by her teacher to their home and she asked the teacher, would you like something to drink? And he politely refused.
Mike Banker:She asked again. He refused again. She asked a third time, and she refused a third time. Now in that culture, you ask 3 times that's the polite thing to do then after that you stop asking. But she continued to ask 3 more times until the teacher finally agreed to drink something.
Mike Banker:She was very uncomfortable unless she could do something so that she kept repeating this process again and again in many different situations, always trying to please her teacher in order to receive his praise. And so these people just can't take no for an answer because they really have to do something for you so that you will praise them. And so it's a constant need for affirmation and approval. She should be able to affirm herself. She shouldn't be so dependent on affirmation from others.
Mike Banker:If she had a good sense of self esteem, she wouldn't be so dependent on others. Another person always has to be right. I must win. There's no differences of opinion. There's only right and wrong.
Mike Banker:Winning and being right are the same. If I am to win, then you must lose because we cannot both be right. We cannot both be winners. Winning and being right are tied to my worth. As long as I win, as long as I am right, then I am worthy.
Mike Banker:This person is right even when they're wrong. They have to be Because it's not about right and wrong, it's about their sense of worth being tied to being right and wrong. So they don't esteem themselves properly. They don't see themselves the way god does. And so this is what they do to try to feel worthy, to try to feel valuable.
Mike Banker:Again, they don't consciously do these things, but these behaviors are harmful. They do harm other people by by their behaviors. Another person is performance oriented. They're always struggling for acceptance and approval. Their work and their worth are tied together.
Mike Banker:Their value is based on how well they succeed. This is a problem with missionaries. God doesn't love me, but someday he will when I do. So some missionaries, instead of acting out of love, they're acting to be loved by God. And so this is a performance orientation.
Mike Banker:If you esteemed yourself the way god does, if you saw yourself the way god does, then you would know that you don't have to perform in order to be accepted and approved by him. So this woman, she's on a diet and she loses weight. I'm I'm thin, so I'm valuable. And then she gains weight. I'm fat, so I'm not valuable.
Mike Banker:See, this is a performance based system, and her value is tied to her weight. Well, I'm fat, and I'm valuable. My fatness has nothing to do with my value as a person. I should be thinner because it's better for my health. I should lose weight because it's better for my health.
Mike Banker:But my value is not based on on fat or thin. This is wrong thinking. One Chinese Olympic swimmer, she swam her race and she finished, and and she finished in 4th. And the newscaster, Chinese newscaster, said, oh, we heard that you were really tired and, so you didn't swim well today. She's, no.
Mike Banker:I I slept well last night. I I I I swam hard, but I just didn't win. Well, then we heard that you're saving your energy for tomorrow's race. And she's, no. I didn't save my energy.
Mike Banker:I sound the best I can. I and then the newscaster said, so did you know that you tied for 3rd place? And she said, wow. That's pretty good. So, see, this Olympic swimmer, her value as a person wasn't tied to her performance.
Mike Banker:She was a top notch athlete, and she trained hard and she worked hard. But when she didn't win the race, she didn't melt into a puddle. She didn't try to kill herself or harm herself some way or look down on herself. She had a very healthy image of performance. So this performance oriented person only feels valuable when they perform well.
Mike Banker:They hate themselves sometimes when they don't perform well. So this is not they're tying their value to their performance. Another behavior that shows poor self esteem or unhealthy self esteem is a person who just makes poor decisions. They don't make sound judgments. They don't make wise judgments.
Mike Banker:Oftentimes, they don't even think they're capable of making good decisions and they're filled with confusion. But see, this person is made in God's image. Even though they haven't made good decisions doesn't mean they can't. They have this capability within them, but there's something that prevents them from knowing that. And so you have to deal with that lie that's behind this behavior.
Mike Banker:Another one, lack of confidence. So this person, they don't ever speak out. They don't think that they have anything worth saying or worth hearing. So they don't share with anyone. They can't do it.
Mike Banker:Oftentimes, they also have a victim mentality that goes with this lack of confidence. K. Another one, can't take risks. I'm not gonna try downhill skiing because I might fail. I might not be able to do it.
Mike Banker:I might fall. And if I fall, I'm a failure. I am a failure. It's not that I failed. My behavior isn't what failed.
Mike Banker:It's I am a failure. So they equate failing at something. They equate it as being I am a failure. They equate it with themselves. They tie it to their sense of self esteem.
Mike Banker:And so this person just never takes risks. They can't. Because if they fail, then I am a failure. Braggart, they have to make themselves look good. So they draw attention to themselves.
Mike Banker:They're loud. They're boisterous. And so they want people to notice them. If they had a good self esteem, they wouldn't need to do that. But because they have an unhelp self esteem, they brag in order to get attention.
Mike Banker:I don't know if you know the Christian form of bragging, but Christians sometimes with their salvation story, for example, they tell it the first time, then they tell it the second time, and it's worse than the first time. They were so bad before they became believers, and they tell it 3rd time, and it was even worse than the first two times. You know? And people say, oh, you've come so far. It's a kind of Christian bragging that can exist also that you, wow, you were the worst of all sinners, and now look at you now.
Mike Banker:And so this is a Christian kinda bragging. Now We should share our salvation story, but we shouldn't embellish it in order to get more attention. There's an example here on the page that every semester this dad bragged about his daughter that she was the top student again. But then one semester, she wasn't number 1, and her dad said he was embarrassed to tell his colleagues. And the daughter felt hurt because her father was disappointed.
Mike Banker:So she hides herself now. She doesn't share with anyone anymore so that her parents can't put her on display anymore. If you have a good self esteem, there's no need to brag. Never says I'm sorry. So this person doesn't take responsibility for their behavior.
Mike Banker:When they hurt someone else, it's always someone else's fault. They never admit to making an error or making a mistake or doing something wrong or saying something hurtful because if they do, it shows weakness, and they don't tolerate weakness. If they can't take responsibility for both the good things they do and the bad things they do, then they have a self esteem problem. If they can't say I'm sorry, then they don't see themselves the way that god does. Perfectionist.
Mike Banker:A perfectionist is very uncomfortable unless it's perfect. So what that means is they're uncomfortable most of the time. They're intolerant of any flaws of any kind, and they don't accept themselves unless they look perfect or perform perfectly. And they may even feel justified abusing others or even themselves out of self hatred. It's okay to try to do something well.
Mike Banker:It's not okay to hate yourself when it's not perfect. You shouldn't tie perfection to your worthiness. And when you do, you don't see yourself the way god does. Another one, an overachiever. They must prove their value or prove their competence by doing something truly remarkable, something extraordinary.
Mike Banker:So this overachiever often sets goals that are unreasonable. Why? Because they're trying to prove their value or their competence. So for example, this 10 year old boy, his teacher stood him up in front of the whole class and shamed him. The teacher said that whatever you do as a student don't become like this boy.
Mike Banker:So after she did that, the teacher did that, this boy vowed to prove the teacher wrong by doing something impossible. And now his business has failed 5 times because he can't set reasonable goals because he's got to prove something to that teacher. An underachiever is another possibility. It's not listed here, but it's also possible. Bully.
Mike Banker:A bully? He gets a sense of power and respect from bullying others. He can't be ignored anymore, and so he feels valuable or capable and respected. So this young boy couldn't go to school. His parents couldn't afford it.
Mike Banker:So he collected recycle and people often made fun of him. He joined a gang, and he learned to extort money from people who were late paying off their debts. He was very successful. He owns 4 houses and 5 cars, and no one dares to look down on him now. So if he had a sense of self esteem, he wouldn't need to be a bully.
Mike Banker:He wouldn't be a bully in order to, be higher highly valued or respected. Sexual deviant. This person who's a sexual deviant, he doesn't value himself and he doesn't value others. He coerces other people into degrading behaviors and into using violence. He puts down god's greatest creation, mankind.
Mike Banker:And then there's a list of others here too. All the eating disorders, you know, anorexia or bulimia, also underachiever, coward, rebel, someone who's also always fearful or paranoid, abusers, sex offenders, incompetent leaders or teachers. Other people also just simply emotionally shut down. They don't allow themselves to feel. They don't allow themselves to express feeling.
Mike Banker:Some of them just simply isolate themselves in the world. All of these things indicate that they either don't love themselves or they don't love others. And so all of these things say that they don't see themselves the way that God does. Common attitudes from all these behaviors, I am unlovable. I am unacceptable.
Mike Banker:I am worthless. I owe for my existence. Therefore, I have to earn my place in this world. I can't do anything right. I'm a failure.
Mike Banker:I am helpless. I am a victim. Some of the lies behind these these behaviors. Where does self esteem come from? So before we do that, I want you to rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10.
Mike Banker:What is your value? So on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is valuable and 0 is not valuable. What is what's your value? So just think of a number. Where did that number come from?
Mike Banker:Where do we get our self esteem from? Well, there's 3 places that people can get self esteem from. 1 is the outer world. This is our experiences in life up until now. This includes all the people around us.
Mike Banker:There's the inner world. That's our own personal assessment. That's our all the physical, emotional, and spiritual equipment God gave us. We can look at those things, and we can use those things to inform us about our self esteem. And then there's a third source of self esteem and that's the spiritual world.
Mike Banker:Unfortunately, it's not just God in that spiritual world, but there's Satan there too. So we can listen to God and what God says about our worth. We can listen to how God esteems us. We can also listen to what Satan says about our worth. So these are the 3 different things that can inform us as to our esteem.
Mike Banker:When you made that number in your head, I'm sure that you were considering the outer world as part of it. What other people say about you, or have said about you, or experiences in your life that, almost certainly informed you of your self esteem. Maybe you considered your own voice, your own assessment, your own inventory of your physical, emotional, and spiritual equipment. A lot of people don't include that. So whatever number that they came up for their self esteem, it's not correct because they haven't included this inner assessment inner world assessment.
Mike Banker:And then that third piece, if you grew up in an atheist country, you didn't consider at all what God said. Now interestingly, even though you didn't think of what God said, you might have still believed some voice in your head about that Satan said. So these three things inform us about our worth. These three things are sources of self esteem. And I'm not saying that the outer world should not be a source or the inner world should not be a source, But I am saying that you should certainly consider what God says about your worth, not just the outer world, not just the inner world.
Mike Banker:And also you should stop listening to what Satan says. So this outer world, this is the front line of where self esteem first starts. So you're born. You're born into this world and you come into this world acceptable and lovable and valid and competent. And you come into this world with the ability to give and receive love.
Mike Banker:As a baby, you come into this world with your swinging your arms and kicking your feet and and smiling and and making sounds. And, you're ready to embrace the whole world and to be embraced by it. But when the world doesn't embrace you or your parents don't embrace you, there's confusion. The child is confused. And so their definition of love, their definition of acceptance gets messed up.
Mike Banker:So, for example, what is real love? Well, they think that real love is the way they've been treated. Our definitions, they come from our experience. They don't come from a dictionary. They think the way my mother treated me, that's what love is.
Mike Banker:Or the way my father treated me, that's what love is. But if my parents did not embrace me, did not welcome me into this world, then that's not what love is. But yet, that's what we think it is. So their definition of love is messed up. Their definition of love is a lie.
Mike Banker:The other thing that happens when that child isn't welcomed into the world, isn't embraced by their parents, is a child says, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? No child ever says, what's wrong with my parents? They always say, what's wrong with me? There must be something wrong with me.
Mike Banker:I need to change. They didn't embrace me. They didn't welcome me. There must be something wrong with me. So they believe a lie that there's something wrong with me.
Mike Banker:We get this idea of who we are as a person from those earliest relationships. You know, about the age 4 or 5 is when we first form this idea of ourselves. And what goes into that decision about ourselves are how we're treated by the people around us, how were we were trained by them, how we saw those that are close to us relate to others, how our parents related to other people, how our parents viewed us. All of these things affect how we see ourselves and how we see the outer world. None of us have perfect parents.
Mike Banker:None of us. We all have experienced conditional love or conditional acceptance at times. We have parents that are not perfect. So how does a child know that they're acceptable and lovable and valuable and competent? Well, we know it by our parents words and actions.
Mike Banker:If, however, they're never satisfied give them enough face with others, or by our behavior or performance, we might think that we don't belong. We aren't valuable or we're not capable of living our life. So what happens is we become programmed by our parents for low self esteem. We were born into the world and we saw ourselves the way God did. But because of our parents words and actions, we become programmed to stop seeing ourselves the way God does.
Mike Banker:We become programmed for low self esteem. And when this happens, that makes it very hard for us to accept the truth that we are loved and accepted by God and that we are competent of living our life and that we are valuable. Very difficult to believe that if our parents don't welcome us into the world, embrace us, and affirm us. This outer world, though, isn't just our parents and their behavior. It's also others who may have acted as parents to us.
Mike Banker:Like in China, the first five years, the grandparents often raise the child. And so those grandparents are effectively parents to that child. And so how those grandparents treat the child have a huge effect on how they see the world, the outer world, and also how they see themselves. And there can be other relatives. There can be teachers or siblings or close family members or close friends or spouses.
Mike Banker:All the people that we come in contact with, they are part of this outer world, and they also inform us as to our self esteem. So maybe a teacher says, well, you would make a great doctor. If the student takes those words to heart, they have tremendous power and they develop a sense of worthiness, a sense of self esteem from from those teachers words. So what happens if the parents don't say anything or they don't do anything? The child assumes the worst.
Mike Banker:If I was lovable, if I was acceptable, you would have said something. But you said nothing, so I must be unacceptable. I must not be lovable. They don't assume the best. They assume the worst.
Mike Banker:So as parents, we have to be careful to they were made a god's image, and they had a good self esteem when they're born. And we have to be certain, sure as parents to build that up and not tear it down. So this outer world is something that does inform us about our value, informs us about our competence, informs us about our sense of belonging. In addition to the outer world, there's an inner world that also informs us about our self esteem. What do I mean by the inner world?
Mike Banker:What's in this inner world? Well, the inner world are all our choices and judgments and decisions, also our beliefs, our attitudes, our actions, our words, our responses. This is all part of our inner world. And nobody is responsible for those things except you. You are totally responsible for your inner world.
Mike Banker:Nobody else is responsible for that. God holds you ultimately responsible for your inner world. God also holds me responsible for the things that he gave me that are part of that inner world. I have my senses and my nerves and my brain, my capacity to learn, my ability to register and to respond to the world around me. I have all these abilities and talents and gifts that God has given me.
Mike Banker:I also have handicaps, and I might have physical deformities. So God does not hold me responsible for what he didn't give me. For example, a man who can't walk and is in a wheelchair, God does not hold him responsible to walk. But this man does have a mind and he has hands that can work. And so he is responsible to use them.
Mike Banker:And he doesn't want your pity, he wants your respect and your dignity, just like everyone else. So don't pity him for what he can't do. Respect him and treat him with dignity for what he can do. So I am able to live my life within the boundaries that God has set for me. And that's what God holds me responsible for.
Mike Banker:Now, in this inner realm, this is where we make our choices. For example, we perceive that mom does not give unconditional love, and so we make the judgment that mom does not love and accept us. So our response of being angry or hurt or feeling rejected, etcetera, our response is legitimate. But we should not carry out that judgment in anger, and we shouldn't continue to carry it until it becomes bitterness. So Ephesians 4 26, be angry, but do not sin and do not let the sun go down on your anger.
Mike Banker:This describes it quite well. So this little girl, this little Chinese girl, her mother really did not treat her well, Really treated her very badly. Put a lot of pressure and a lot of criticism and all related to school. But this little girl, she created a chart and she rated her mom on 4 different things on her chart. And she would tell her mom at the end of the day, mom, you didn't do very well today.
Mike Banker:No gold stars for you. You didn't do this, and you did do that, and you should but you shouldn't have. And so this little girl was able to set herself outside of the situation and and judge her mom's behavior, this young girl, 8 year old girl. And so she recognized that some of the things her mom did were just wrong. And so I think that little girl is gonna be okay.
Mike Banker:See, that little girl is making a choice, a choice to look at her mom's behavior and make a judgment on whether it's right or wrong, whether it's hurtful to her, and so she'll be okay. When we talk about hatred or bitterness, basically, it's wishing someone dead is it is the most extreme form of that. And that's what we mean by hatred. But we're not supposed to hang on to it until it becomes hatred. Accepting the truth is done in the mind.
Mike Banker:But just having it in your head, it's really not enough. It needs to be in your heart. So believing the truth, that's done in the heart. And it's it's those beliefs in our heart that we act out of. So there's this process we go through of accepting the truth intellectually but then believing the truth in our heart.
Mike Banker:And once we believe it, then we act on it. So not all thoughts have the same power. The thoughts that we believe have more power. Now, if the message of the outer world is negative, it's very very hard for us to accept ourselves as lovable, acceptable, worthy, and competent. But we are able in this inner world to make our own personal appraisal.
Mike Banker:And once when we make that appraisal, if we cannot accept the truth about ourself, then it matters very little what parents or God or anybody else in the world believes about us. We become locked into this prison. So it's very important principle here is that we are responsible for what is in that inner world. Nobody else is responsible. And in fact, nobody else can free us unless we take responsibility.
Mike Banker:The third source of self esteem is the spiritual world. And so people are going to come to you for sessions. They're going to ask your help and your understanding. So you really need to have a clear idea of the spiritual world. A lot of people are quite confused about the spiritual world because they've come out of a cult or they've come out of a a church that was just very weak training.
Mike Banker:They may have come from a different religion and that also will affect how they see the spiritual world. So here's some just basics about the spiritual world. The universe is divided into 2 areas of influence. There's God's kingdom and there's Satan's kingdom. There's not 3 parts.
Mike Banker:There's only 2 parts. There's not 4 parts or 5 parts. There's only 2 parts. There's god's and there's Satan's. And as far as we know from scripture, Satan's influence is limited to the earth.
Mike Banker:And then living in the midst of these two influences, god and Satan, is mankind. Mankind inherited a sin nature from Adam. We do not enter life morally neutral. We enter life with a big wall between us and God that's called sin. And that wall also is between us and other relationships too.
Mike Banker:And it is, And it is sin that allows Satan to have a certain claim on us before we were saved. And even sometimes they have a claim after we were saved. At redemption, we were given a new nature which turns the tables. Okay. Before, we have a tendency to do what was wrong.
Mike Banker:We could still choose to do what's right, but our tendency was to do what's wrong. So, for example, a girl is swimming in the river and she's drowning, and a Buddhist monk sees her drowning and he jumps in the water and saves her, that monk chose to do what was right. So we can choose to do what's right even if we don't believe we can make choices that are right and good. But our tendency before we become believers, is to do what's wrong. At redemption, we're given this new nature and our tendency changes towards doing what's right.
Mike Banker:We can still do what's wrong, choose to do what's wrong, but our tendency is to do what's good and what's right. And if we live in partnership with the Holy Spirit, it's much easier for us to make right choices. This man, he dealt with a porn issue. He was very sincerely confessed and asked for forgiveness, and forgave those involved in the porn industry, and asked God to cut the tie and to cleanse him, and it was finished. Well, 2 weeks later, he came back to the session and he had gone back to porn again.
Mike Banker:And he was just so distraught and so upset with himself that he returned back to this. And and he said, oh, maybe I'm not, I'm a believer. And I wanted to laugh at him. Believers don't suffer like this when they sin. It was the conviction of God's spirit that made him suffer like this over his choice.
Mike Banker:It's proof god's presence When we're redeemed, when we trust God for salvation through Jesus, our tendency changes towards doing what is right. We can choose to do what's wrong. But when we do, there's this conviction that we come under. And so we can grow in holiness. We can live more rightly day by day.
Mike Banker:We'll never be so righteous that we don't need Jesus, But we can grow in holiness and our tendency does change when we believe. There's nowhere in the Bible that it says that we are victims or puppets. Some people have this idea that we're puppets on the strings string of Satan. That the devil made me do it. The devil did not make you do it.
Mike Banker:You are not a string on Satan. You have a will. You can make a choice. Now some are very strongly influenced by spirits, so it's difficult to make a choice. But we are not just puppets on the strings of Satan.
Mike Banker:So this pastor, he was blessing this couple after they were married, and then he pronounced a Buddhist Sutra over the couple. And then the pastor apologized. Oh, I'm sorry. Satan made me do it. Do you agree that he was powerless from speaking Buddhist Sutras over this Christian couple that you just married?
Mike Banker:No. Satan did not make you do it. It was your choice. You are not a puppet on a string. God does not call us victims or puppets.
Mike Banker:We are not powerless over what we do. You weren't a puppet on a string of Satan before and a puppet on the string of God now. We talk about God has a plan for your life. Well, Satan has the plan too. Which one are you going to follow?
Mike Banker:We have choice. We can make choices. And we are responsible for the choices we make. So the devil didn't make me do it. He presented me a lie and because I believed the lie, I did it.
Mike Banker:We always have some sort of responsibility in what we what we do. Why am I making such a big deal out of of this? Well, you rarely see somebody become completely healed unless they take responsibility for their part, for their wrongs, for their wrong responses. So you have to forgive the wrongdoer but you may also need to confess your wrongs. We may be victims at times where we don't remain victims.
Mike Banker:We were victimized but we've overcome that because we are made in god's image. We don't have to remain a victim. Jesus has provided everything we need not just to go to heaven but to be transformed. We shouldn't discount what Jesus did. It's blasphemy to think that he only got us a ticket to heaven.
Mike Banker:The second part of the spiritual world is Satan. So there's God and Satan and humankind is the prize. We are the prize that God and Satan are fighting over. Satan's gonna do everything he can to win. And he doesn't care if it's fair or not.
Mike Banker:What do we know about Satan from scripture? Scripture says that Satan is the prince of this world. It also says he's the evil one. This first term, prince of this world, it means he has temporary power or authority in this world that God has given him until the king returns. The second term, the evil one, tells us what he does with that power, tells us about his basic nature.
Mike Banker:He's given power and authority and he uses it for evil. As a Christian, we are in a war with Satan. But the only power Satan has over us as Christians is what we give him as we open the door through unrighteousness. This very important principle is Satan has no power over us except when we let him in through our unrighteousness. Some other things we know about Satan, Satan is called a liar.
Mike Banker:He's called a deceiver. He's called an accuser. He's called a blinder of our minds. So these are 4 different roles that Satan acts in. So if he's a liar then what are his weapons?
Mike Banker:Lies. If he's a deceiver, what does that mean? It means he doesn't directly he's not direct. He presents us a lie and if we accept it, we are deceived. It's not a direct attack when he's acting in the role of a deceiver.
Mike Banker:He just simply presents us a lie and if we accept it, then we're deceived. He's also called the accuser. Satan always accuses. He never forgives. We accuse, but we forgive.
Mike Banker:So we are not like Satan unless we accuse but don't forgive. So he's called the accuser. Even after God forgives us, Satan will still accuse us. If God has forgiven you for something and somebody's accusing you it's not God, it's Satan. So in all of these roles of Satan, he uses feelings of inferiority or inadequacy and self belittling to defeat us and to prevent us from realizing our full potential.
Mike Banker:Some of his weapons are lies, bad labels, mistruths, wrong assumptions, feelings of guilt and fear, confusion, and inability to see truth. And in all of these areas, Satan uses self hate. Satan wants you to hate yourself. You are made in God's image and Satan wants you to hate yourself. He's a deceiver.
Mike Banker:He does not put a feeling or a sense of inferiority into us. He uses the wrongdoings of other people who have hurt us. He uses those moments to present us a lie. We have low self esteem because we believe that lie that he presented us. So here's an example.
Mike Banker:This father, he was beating him with the metal rod and the father's face was red and the and the veins were popping out and his eyes were bulging out. And he's beating him and beating him. And the son was begging him to stop. And the mother tried to stop the father and he pushed her off and started beating her too. At that moment, that little boy heard a voice say nobody loves you.
Mike Banker:Not even your father. So Satan uses moments of other sin as an opportunity to present a lie. And if we accept that lie then we are deceived. We believe a lie instead of believing truth. Satan can't possess God's people not in the full sense of the word.
Mike Banker:He can influence them very strongly and he can make them very miserable and effective but he can't totally possess one of God's people. They're not completely powerless. So Satan does not make us weak. We make ourselves weak by believing his lie. But he cannot take one step into our life that we don't allow him to make as his son or his daughter.
Mike Banker:The devil didn't make us do it. We did it by believing the lie. Now what's interesting to me is in all the years I've been doing PR, I've only had a few believers that were angry at Satan. I've had 100 that were angry at God. They'd live their life as if Satan doesn't exist.
Mike Banker:That every evil in the world is because of God. And they blame him and they're angry at him. But scripture very clearly tells us that Satan exists and that he's God's enemy. So a lot of believers blame God and they don't even really consider that Satan exists or that he's powerless. That he they don't recognize that he is called the prince of this world.
Mike Banker:So Satan has power, but only on you as one of God's children. If you let him in, he has power on you. Some of the lies common lies is god's love for me. It's arbitrary. Or I don't have the right for things in life, or life is a burden that needs to be coped with.
Mike Banker:If there are no difficulties in my life, then God has withdrawn his love from me. God does love and care about and even has blessings for others, but it doesn't apply to me. Alright. So the third part of the spiritual world then is God himself. And so while Satan and his kingdom are one part of the universe, God and his kingdom are the other.
Mike Banker:Scripture says that Satan is the prince of this world, but it also says that Christ came to destroy the works of the devil. So through the death and resurrection of Christ, we can have forgiveness, adoption into God's family, and out of the kingdom of darkness, and victory over Satan, god has provided through Christ everything we need to live a victorious life. If we're going to live life in victory, we need to be able to stand up against the wiles of the devil. So we need to follow God's plan, not Satan's plan. Let's talk about God and his work.
Mike Banker:Now, there's many people who are gonna come to you that don't have a clear understanding of god's word. So we need to know clearly. Many Christians actually treat god's word as if it's the 4th member of the godhead. So there's the god the father, god the son, god the holy spirit, and God the word. They put it on equal footing with the trinity.
Mike Banker:But that's a distortion. That's a distortion. Some Christians even put the holy spirit, they make it subservient to the word that the only role of the holy spirit is to help us to understand scripture. And so they elevate the word and they put the Holy Spirit under the word. And this is also a distortion.
Mike Banker:The word is not equal to the trinity. Another thing the word is not is the word is not a charm. Okay. It's a very important point here is this bible is the power in the words on the page in this bible. It is not.
Mike Banker:The power is not in the words printed on the page. This is a Buddhist idea or a Hindu idea. This is not a Christian idea. The power is not in the words that are on the page, printed on the page. The power is in the one who spoke the words, not in the words on the page.
Mike Banker:So this is a key point. So what this means then, if the power is the one that spoke the words, not the power is not in the printed words on the page, then that means reciting these words again and again and again will not give them more power because the power is not in the words on the page. The power is the one who spoke the words that are on that page. It's the meaning of the message and the message to himself that is the focus in Christianity, not the words printed on a page. A verse is not like a mantra.
Mike Banker:You can't recite it again and again and again and expect it to gain power. It's not how it works. That is a Hindu idea or a Buddhist idea that is not a Christian idea. So here's an example. This pastor told this woman whose son was sick to write this Bible verse on the wall 1,000 times, and then your son will be healed.
Mike Banker:Well, she wrote it 750 times and then her son died. So did her son die because she didn't write that verse on the board enough? That verse doesn't gain power by writing it again and again. The power of that verse is in the one that spoke it, not in the words themselves. So this is not true.
Mike Banker:This is a a Buddhist idea. It is not. It's not a biblical idea. Or I should carry a copy of the bible everywhere I go so that I'm safe. No.
Mike Banker:The Bible is not a talisman. You're not safe because you have God's word with you. Your safety relies on God himself, not on carrying a book in your pocket. Or this woman, she believed that she had to read the Bible every day in order to be safe. Is it true that if she doesn't read the Bible tomorrow, she won't be safe?
Mike Banker:Is it true? It is not true. Our security, our lives are in the hand of God himself. They don't rely on us reading our Bible every day in order to be safe. This is not what the Bible says.
Mike Banker:Should we memorize scripture? Yes. The Holy Spirit needs something to work with. But to make those verses part of us, we need to accept it, and believe it, and live it out. Not just quote it as as like some sort of talisman that protects us.
Mike Banker:We live in the most amazing time in history. Not only do we have God's word, but God's Spirit, the Holy Spirit, has written his word on our hearts like it was promised in Jeremiah 31. We have not just God's word, but we have God's spirit who abides with us. But when we memorize scripture, though, we shouldn't just memorize a verse. We should memorize a passage.
Mike Banker:Or if we memorize a passage, we should at least understand it the context of that passage. You know, the book it's part of, the chapter it's part of, and also see that passage in light of God's character and the principles of scripture. We shouldn't just memorize the verse. Satan knows scripture too. He used scripture to tempt Jesus.
Mike Banker:It's possible to misuse scripture and people that come to you for help have many will have misused scripture. And often, it's because they memorized the verse, they didn't study the context, and they didn't consider God's character. And so now what they believe is a lie that's based on a scripture verse. So we need to read the verse in its context, understand it in its context, accept its meaning in its context, believe it, and then live it out, not just quote it like it's some sort of talisman. Now when we read anything we decode the message out of our experience and from our perspective.
Mike Banker:So our attitude, our experience, our knowledge affects how we decode the message in front of our eyes. So here's a guy. So he opens up his Bible. See, God condemns, and he opens it up a few pages later. See, God condemns, and opens it up a few more pages.
Mike Banker:God Condems. God Condems. God Condems. Wow. I I thought there was more in the Bible than just condemning verses, but he only sees condemning verses.
Mike Banker:Why? He's reading the scripture through his perspective, through his experience. And so he's reading selectively. He's reading the scripture selectively. He's not seeing all that's there.
Mike Banker:He's only seeing part of it. And so our experience can dramatically affect what we see in scripture. Now when I went through my sessions, I asked my safe helper, why why haven't you ever asked me to read my bible? And she said, why would I do that? You'll just find what you want anyway.
Mike Banker:See, I was reading scripture selectively to fit what I wanted to believe. I wasn't reading all that was there. And so my understanding was distorted. And so when we read, we do we can distort it, and people will come to you for help, and they will have a distorted view of scripture. And so you need to realize that this is gonna happen.
Mike Banker:So you're in a Bible study, and one person reads a passage and they see it as condemning and negative. Another person reads the same passage and sees it as freeing and encouraging. 2 different views of the same passage. Why? Because they have different inner and outer world experiences.
Mike Banker:And so it's affected what they see in scripture. I want to say very clearly the condemning verses in Scripture do not apply to us as his children. The condemning verses in scripture do not apply to us as his children. God's wrath is not stored up for us. We are his children.
Mike Banker:Christ has paid for any, for all of it. The condemning verses don't apply to you. They don't apply to those that you're helping. Now, we believe that the Word of God is precious and that we find truth in his word and that it has power like a 2 edged sword. But we all know from experience that people can interpret it wrongly because they see it through the lens of their own experience and from their own perspective.
Mike Banker:Tell you how to start a cult. I don't want you to start a cult, but I want you to understand how it happens. K. So you open your bible and you take a verse, and then you close your bible, ignore everything else. That's how you create a cult.
Mike Banker:For example, as the lightning is from the east to the west, so is the son of God. This is a Bible verse, and it's the basis of the Eastern Lightning Cult in China. And that's what they do is that they pick and choose which verses to accept, and they ignore the rest. That's how a cult is formed. As safe helpers, we need to know our our scripture and not just bits and pieces of it, but all of it.
Mike Banker:And we need to know god's character and the broader context of all of these things we're reading. We need to be good students of god's word. We need to know it well. So likely, people will come to you that were part of a cult or the teaching of their church is heretical or some some some teaching in their church is heretical. And so you need to know your scripture.
Mike Banker:The other thing is don't play scripture wars. Don't sit there toe to toe and and argue scriptures. Usually, this is a a waste of time. You need to know it well enough that you can apply its principles and talk about the character of God without jumping verse to verse during a session. Remember, they see it with distortion so you have to eliminate the distortions mystical.
Mike Banker:God is not a magician. God does not make When we sin, there's always consequences. Sometimes, just for a few hours or days, sometimes for months or years, or even a lifetime. Consequences are part of our natural world. God can release us from the bondage of the sin and the associated feelings, but he does not magically take away the consequences.
Mike Banker:Yet, he can carry us through. He can give us strength. He can give us the grace to live victoriously under the consequences. So people will come to you and they want god to take away the consequences, but he doesn't. So for example, this this couple, they're not married, they had sex, and she became pregnant.
Mike Banker:Pregnancy is a natural consequence of their action, and they want God to take away the consequence. It's they're not married, so it's shameful. They're they don't wanna be married. And so there's all these things at play, but the consequence is she is pregnant, and they have to decide whether to keep this child or abort this child. And so it leads to these choices.
Mike Banker:And the choices involve shame. That's shameful in their culture to be pregnant and not married. So this plays into their decision making. Maybe the the boyfriend says, well, if you have the baby, I'm gonna leave you. And the mother says, well, what will the neighbors think?
Mike Banker:You have to abort the baby. So there's consequences to pregnancy, and there's all these other decisions that have to be made around it. And so people just want all the consequences to be taken away, and that's not what god does. There's consequences, and he will walk with you through the consequences. But he's not just gonna simply take all the consequences away.
Mike Banker:It just doesn't work that way. So God is not a magician. He will resolve those feelings. He will take away the bondage that came with that sin, but he won't take away those consequences usually. Last one is God brings resolution.
Mike Banker:God brings resolution as the father. There is a trinity in each part of the trinity has a role and when it comes to bringing resolution, God brings resolution as a father. He brings resolution according to his character. He can't violate his character in bringing resolution. He has to maintain his character.
Mike Banker:He has to stay true to his character as he brings resolution. And God resolves things according to his standard, according to his way, not our way. And the resolution doesn't come from just thinking. It comes through prayer and not just any prayer but through effective prayer. Praying in a way that God can answer.
Mike Banker:Kind of sum up this whole section that is, all scripture is inspired by God and it's used for teaching and rebuking and error correcting, etc. Truly believe this. And he is true. God is true. He's always faithful.
Mike Banker:He's always merciful and just. He never changes. And all that is included in his word is true. But when we relate to him out of our humanness, the attitude and the feelings we have towards our earthly father will be the same attitude and feelings we have towards our heavenly father unless there's some sort of resolution. And this resolution comes through resolving the hurt and emotional damage done by a less than perfect parent.
Mike Banker:If we're holding something against them, then we need to resolve that. And then we'll be able to see our heavenly father in a correct way. If we're working with somebody and we need to rebuild their self esteem, then what do we do? Well, we need to help them get rid of these lies and labels and other misinformation, And we need to clear all that out so that they're free to accept the truth. And then that truth will set them free.
Mike Banker:It's out of these truths then that they will develop self esteem. They'll start to see themselves the way god sees them. So to resolve this self esteem, we have to go through steps. Each lie or false belief, we need to go through and deal with it 1 by 1. The first step, of course, is these are the same steps as the lies steps.
Mike Banker:But the first step is we have to understand what the lie is or recognize what the lie is for the misunderstanding. And the second step then is forgive the person that gave you this lie or gave you the message that this lie is based on. And then ask for forgiveness for believing the lie. It was destructive, and it's Satan's the father of lies. So it's sin.
Mike Banker:So ask god to forgive you. Only you are responsible for the beliefs that you have in your heart. So ask God to forgive you for accepting the the lie. Next step then is step 3 is reject the lie. Take your stand.
Mike Banker:Say, I reject this lie, or I come out of agreement on this lie. Step 4, ask God to break its power. It has power. It's been around a long time. You don't have to break it all by yourself.
Mike Banker:Ask God to help you by breaking the power of this lie. And then step 5, ask for truth. Ask your father, your father who is the father of truth, ask him to give you something to replace the lie, to give you truth. Certainly, he wants you to have truth so that you can live out of the truth instead of living for the lie. And when you ask for the truth, wait for the truth.
Mike Banker:Be still before god. Be still and know he is god. Let him answer. Don't try to find the answer yourself. And then step 6, accept the truth and ask god to bind it to your heart so that you can live out of this truth now instead of the lie.
Mike Banker:Now, the truth comes from God's word but a damaged person can't always perceive the lie or truth for themselves. Even if they can do this for others, they need a safe helper to help them along the path and it takes time. It takes time to see the truth. You get the kernel of the truth and then you discuss it so you see the the full truth, you discuss it with your safe helper, and it takes time. You can't rush this process.
Mike Banker:Every specific lie needs a specific truth. A lie that comes out of another lie, it also needs its own truth. When the hurting one asks for truth, the safe helper may have verses for them or things like this. But we want to help the hurting one develop their own relationship with the heavenly father. So don't share those verses right away.
Mike Banker:Let them hear directly from their heavenly father first. It takes 20 or 30 days to make a new habit. And so review that truth during that time. Review it and affirm it, and then make a conscious choice to follow that truth. We must desire the truth, not just rationally, but with feeling.
Mike Banker:I have chosen the way of truth. I have set my heart on your laws. I desire to do your will, oh my god. Your law is written on my heart. And we can also nourish that truth through scriptures.
Mike Banker:I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. And we must reaffirm that we rejected the lie that was associated with this truth. There's other things we can do also after we receive these truths. We can begin to just accept praise or thanks or compliments with a simple thank you. This sister sang in the church, and I went up and said, wow.
Mike Banker:You sang so beautifully. And she said, no. It wasn't me. It was God. And I said, oh, it sure sounded like you.
Mike Banker:K. We can accept a compliment to say thank you, and we can also praise god and say thank you. I practiced hard or thank you. I really gave it my best effort, and god has also given me a gift. We can praise god at the same time.
Mike Banker:We can start treating ourselves and others with respect and dignity. You can affirm that you're created being and a redeemed child of god. You can focus on positive messages. The condemning ones don't apply to you as a child of god. Affirm yourself for trying even if the result is not everything you hope for.
Mike Banker:Affirm that your behavior is not who you are. You can change your behavior. Remind yourself that you're not a helpless victim. It is now your responsibility to build up your own self esteem. You're an adult now.
Mike Banker:God is not going to zap you and just change it in a moment. It would have been much easier if your parents had done their job properly, but they didn't. And now you're responsible for your your life. And so it's up to you to develop self esteem. And with god's help, you'll become more and more attuned with the truth and will begin to see the reality of your belongingness and your worthiness and your competence, your capability of living your life.