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Conversations With Thomas is a podcast where humor, heart, and a touch of sass collide. Hosted by Thomas Kevin Dolan, each episode explores raw, real topics like self-compassion, healing, and the delightful mess of being human. As the seventh of ten kids, Thomas didn’t always have a voice—now he’s sharing it with you, and trust us, you’ll want to hear this.
Expect vulnerability, laughs, and thought-provoking questions that dive into subjects most people avoid (because, let's face it, some topics just need to be tackled). With a mix of wit and wisdom, Thomas takes you on a journey where you might cry, you might laugh, and you’ll definitely feel a little more connected to yourself and the world.
New episodes drop every 2nd and 4th Monday. Tune in for a dose of honesty, heart, and just the right amount of quirky.
This podcast is recorded in Honolulu, Hawaii. I acknowledge that the land I live and
work on, known as Kakako, is part of the unceded Aina of the Kanaka Maui people,
the indigenous people of Hawaii. I'm humbled and grateful to be a guest in the
Hawaiian Kingdom. May this conversation honor the wisdom of this land and the spirit
of Aloha that lives here. Aloha, beautiful humans, and welcome back to Conversations
with Thomas. I'm your host, Thomas Kevin Dolan. My pronouns are he and him. I'm the
seventh born of Mom and Dad's 10, which basically means I've spent most of my early
years fighting for a turn to talk, or just perfecting my internal monologue. This
podcast has become my way of sharing my voice. It's a solo effort built with what
I call a trifacta of humor, earnestness, and vulnerability. Each episode like this
one is a little snapshot of my unfolding journey, offering thoughtful conversations
about things you might have wondered about, but maybe haven't found anyone actually
talking about, and that actually brings me real joy. Today's quirky yet soul
conversation is this, thanking our mistakes. Yes,
you heard that right. We're not just learning from our mistakes. We're not just
forgiving them. We're actually sending them a thank you card, maybe even with
glitter, because if you're going to heal, you might as well sparkle. The seed for
today's episode actually comes from a beautiful quote by Ralph Walter Emerson that my
husband actually read to me a little while ago. I'm going to add some inclusiveness
to Mr. Emerson's quote and say it this way, "Every person in their lifetime needs
to thank their faults." At first this might sound a little absurd. Thank my faults.
Thank the time I said you too, to the movie theater employee when they told me to
enjoy the show. Okay, that one's minor, but I think you get the point.
Mistakes often feel like tiny emotional paper cuts. Some are shallow,
some are deep. But if we zoom out, we start to see them for what they really are,
unexpected teachers, Painfully effective growth accelerators, and sometimes,
especially in my case, comedy gold. Because if life were to be a game show,
let me be more specific. If my life was a game show, it would be entitled "Oops,
that was character development." Mistakes are such brilliant if slightly chaotic
teachers. Do they ever arrive politely? Do they ever send a calendar invite?
They crash into your life, wearing sequins, screaming "surprise !" And then you expect
to grow because of it. Let me throw in what I call the "sciencey part."
Psychologist Carol Dewick, who developed the concept a growth mindset. Found that when
we view mistakes as opportunities for learning rather than as fixed failures,
we actually strengthen the neural pathways related to resilience. In other words,
mess up, light up your brain. Our mistakes create this idea of neuroplasticity.
It's the brain's ability to recognize itself. Research published in Frontiers in Human
Neuroscience even show that people who made more errors during a learning task learn
better than those who got everything right immediately. That's vindication for anyone
like me who failed their driving test the first time, the second time, or the fifth
time. I'll tell you a quick story. When I first started coaching nearly 20 years
ago. I was so desperate to be the perfect coach. I thought I had to answer the
question. I thought I had to have an answer to every question that was posed to
me. And of course, spoiler alert, I did not. In one session, a client asked me a
powerful question about forgiveness. And I panicked. Instead of taking a breath,
I word vomited a pinterest quote about "Letting go like leaves in the autumn wind."
So Thomas at that time, she looked at me, completely deadpan, and said,
"Yeah, that's cute. But what the hell do I do?" It was mortifying,
and also one of the best things that ever happened to me professionally. That
mistake taught me to trust the client's process more than my need to sound wise.
It taught me to listen deeper, to be with someone rather than fix them. In short,
it made me a better coach.
Why? Why thinking our faults matters? When we think our faults,
we actually get to reclaim the energy. We've actually wasted on shame and self
-blame. The brilliant Dr. Tim O 'Brien, a psychologist and poet,
a pastor as well, reminds us, "You do not heal in shame. You heal in self
-compassion." When we thank our mistakes, we aren't excusing them.
We aren't avoiding accountability. We're simply choosing to Compost our guilt and a
growth. Isn't that cool? Compost our guilt and a growth. It's the emotional
equivalent of that one friend who always brings guacamole to the party,
becomes necessary, is nourishing, and is surprisingly healing. Let me share with you
what I call a spiritual humorous moment. And Lord knows I have a lot of them.
Sometimes, I imagine the universe in my life at a giant cosmic whiteboard,
mapping out my mistakes like an over -accaffeinated kindergarten teacher. Whoa,
look at this one gang, he's about to text a wrong person. Let's see if he can
practice humility and boundary setting after this little gem. And you know what? It
works. No, not immediately, sometimes certainly not gracefully,
but over time, the dots connect for me to remember my humanity in a real humble
way, in a real humble way. Here's a couple of practices that might help you begin
to learn how to thank your mistakes, assuming you don't already know how to do
that. The first is what I call the thank you letter.
Pick a mistake, encouraging you to pick a juicy mistake. The one that makes you
cringe a little, even when you think about it today. And then you write it a
letter.
Here's one of mine as an example.
Dear pre -1988 me,
"Thank you for waiting so long to come out. Seriously. Thank you." Because of all
that time spent hiding, doubting, and pretending, I became intimately familiar with
the ache of not living fully. And that ache eventually became my compass for
authenticity. Without it, I might never have understood the sacred freedom of finally
saying, this is who I am, I am gay. Thank you for teaching me patience when the
world didn't feel ready. Thank you for showing me resilience when fear was louder
than truth. Thank you for holding my heart safe until it was strong enough to beat
openly. And hey, 1988, You may have been fashionably late to the coming -up party,
but damn, you showed up fabulous. Love, Thomas. In writing yours,
humor is encouraged. Forgiveness is completely optional. Gratitude,
oh, required. Here's the second that might help.
I call it the mistake meditation. It's actually really quite lovely.
Find a quiet spot
and when there and you're safe, go ahead and gently close your eyes.
Breathe and then go ahead and bring to mind a mistake.
And as that mistake comes to you, breathe into the discomfort. Notice any shame or
judgment connected to it.
And then silently or even aloud,
you say to this mistake, thank you for teaching me. Repeated a few times,
thank you for teaching me. Thank you for teaching me.
Notice how the energy starts to shift from self -attack to self -acceptance.
The brilliant and queer Oscar Wilde once said, "Experience is simply the name we
give our mistakes." And if that's true, I'm basically an experienced billionaire.
some closing thoughts. Mistakes are not character flaws. They are invitations.
They are proof you were brave enough to give something a whirl. And sometimes they
are the reason you end up on a path more beautiful than anything you could have
planned.
Here's a quote from novelist Paulo Coelho. When we strive to become better than we
are, everything around us becomes better too. So go ahead,
thank your mistakes, send them a Valentine. Heck, hell, throw them a party. Because
you're not broken, you're becoming.
Spiritual traditions all over the world honor the idea that brokenness is sacred.
And I'm sure you know this as well as me. In Japanese culture,
there's Kintsugi, the art of repairing broken pottery with gold.
The cracks aren't hidden, they're actually celebrated. They become part of the beauty.
And in a weird way, as Leonard Cohen writes, our mistakes are the cracks where the
light gets in. After today, I want to invite you to join me in a little rebellious
act of gratitude. And that's in thanking your mistakes, not in a fake spiritual
bypassing way, but sincerely. Because without those beautiful messy mistakes,
you wouldn't be you. You wouldn't be listening to me the way that you can listen
to me today. You wouldn't be able to watch me the way you're watching me today. If
you didn't allow those beautiful missteps to actually happen in your life, you
wouldn't know the softness you now cherish, the boundaries you know honor, the
laughter you now hold lightly. Maybe you're still stuck thinking you had to get it
all right instead of getting it real because that's what we're really doing here on
Conversations with Thomas, learning how to be at home with ourselves, with all our
messy beauty, with all our shimmering mistakes, with all our perfectly imperfect
becoming. And honestly, if you're on that path too,
I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for listening, for feeling,
for perhaps laughing a little, And maybe even thanking your own sweet stubborn
mistakes. Remember, your cracks are not your failure. They're your art.
Thanks so much for joining me for this episode of Conversations with Thomas. If
you've loved this conversation,
I'd be honored if you'd share it with a friend who needs a little soul snack
today. And if you're feeling generous, go ahead and leave a review. And A gentle
reminder, these conversations are here to inspire and support, but they're not a
replacement for professional care. If you're navigating tough mental stuff, and if you
are, I send you some healing energy, please reach out to a licensed therapist or
healthcare provider. This podcast is created with a lot of love, lived experience,
reverence, and just enough research to keep things curious. And also, it couldn't
happen without the tech magic of my wonderful husband, Adam Ma, my co -executive
producer. Until next time friend, take a breath, soften your shoulders and know
you're doing better than you think.