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Welcome to Flip the Script with Vic, your weekly pep talk to expand and shift your perspective. I’m your host, Victoria Nielsen. Together, we’ll unwind all the things you thought you knew, and awaken to what’s truly possible when you flip the script on your reality and take control of your own life.
Speaker A [00:00:00]:
Hi, my loves. Welcome to another episode of flip the script with Vic. It's Victoria. Today we're going to be talking about a realization that I have had, in hindsight, in regards to my pregnancy journey. So, you know, I am going to be talking about my miscarriage. So trigger warning there. Also, if you're like, oh, my God, please stop talking about your miscarriage. It's all that you talk about.
Speaker A [00:00:24]:
There is a bigger lesson here, and it's not even so much about the. The pregnancy, but about me holding my own self back and using what ifs and what could be's in the future from fully living my present. And so that's what we're going to go into today. So hopefully, you guys are ready to dive right in. I honestly have always believed that miscarriages are a beautiful opportunity for spiritual awakening, for deeper enlightenment, and for self discovery. And, you know, that's really what happened after my first miscarriage. That was the catalyst for all of this, for me deciding to discover my dharma, my life's purpose, and really, you know, question everything that I thought I knew. And so my miscarriages have been beautiful markers in my life and beautiful upgrades.
Speaker A [00:01:23]:
And, you know, I know that's not the case for everyone, but I do hope after listening to this episode, you see that there is a silver lining, perhaps, because I do believe every single person, if you are willing to journey through your miscarriage and you are willing to look at yourself, look at the hard feelings and realize, you know, give yourself time to have those realizations and really self reflect, you can come out the other side such a more empowered person. And, you know, that's what's happened again the second time. And I know that it has happened much faster because of all of the internal work that I have done, but also because this miscarriage, for me, isn't about the baby. And I know that probably doesn't make any sense, but I know that the baby is coming, and I know that she will be here exactly when she's meant to be. So I have no anxiety or fear around getting pregnant again. Like, I know that's going to happen. So I'm able to take all of those emotions out of the equation and instead look at this miscarriage as what it truly is, which was a gift of allowing myself to see the ways that I was holding my own self back and the ways that I was using this pregnancy and my pregnancy journey as an excuse. So for a really long time, gosh, since, like, last summer, even I have been talking about this pregnancy and then, and then basing my decisions off of if I'll be pregnant, when I'll be pregnant, what if I'm pregnant and living so far in the future that I was so stuck in my head around, okay, if I am pregnant, how many months pregnant will I be? Will I be able to host a retreat? Will I have the energy to do this? Will I even be able to travel to a foreign country instead of just saying yes to the things that I actually wanted to do and realizing that if I was pregnant that I would then just deal with it then and I would figure it out then, and I would have much more energetic capacity, but also, like, the ability to make the best decision for myself in the moment rather than trying to plan so far ahead that I'm not grounded in any type of reality.
Speaker A [00:03:47]:
And so the retreat that I'm actually on this week as this podcast is releasing is one that almost didn't happen because I was so in my head of, well, what if I'm pregnant? I don't want to sign the contract because if I am super pregnant, then I'm not going to be able to go and this and that. And I even went so far as to plan, like, oh, well, okay, I have other friends in the industry that hold retreats. Like, maybe they could take over the contract for me. I mean, it was ridiculous. I knew I wanted to do this. The simple answer was just yes. And I spent so much energy and so much time thinking of all of these other scenarios that hadn't even come to pass yet. And look, the retreat is happening.
Speaker A [00:04:31]:
I'm not pregnant. And I wasted so much energy worrying about that. And, you know, I love this quote from Harry Potter. I think it's haggard that says it. What's coming will come, and we'll meet it when it does. And I think that's what this miscarriage has really shown me, is that I need to live that truth a little bit more, and I need to stop planning so far ahead because things can change in an instant. We're in the middle of eclipse season. Things can change like that.
Speaker A [00:05:02]:
And we have to have the ability as humans to be flexible. That's why we do a lot of this energetic work, or why I do, anyway, is so that my, my nervous system is flexible enough to be able to make pivots and changes on the fly when needed. And then you're making those changes from a far more grounded place because you're actually present with your current reality. And so, because I was thinking so far in the future, I was saying no to a lot of stuff that I actually really wanted to do. I want to host another retreat this year. I would like to travel again internationally with my husband. I would like to go visit friends, have a glass of wine, maybe have a weed gummy after the kids go to bed. It's like, I still want to do all of these things, and I am not ready to be settled into another round of giving my body and my time over to another little human.
Speaker A [00:05:59]:
And how unfair is that to that little human to go into this and then be like, oh, well, fuck, I still have so much I want to do. That's going to cause resentment, right? And that's going to cause a lot of constriction. And so that's actually what I. What I did feel when I got pregnant was this constriction of, oh, no, I want this. But now is not the ideal time for this. Like, the boys are having some behavior issues, like, rocky is teething and not sleeping through the night. I have so much that I still want to do in my business, and I fully believe that our kids give us more and not less. So I fully believe that it would have been possible to do all of these things while pregnant, while bringing a third child into the world.
Speaker A [00:06:48]:
I do believe that. But I believe also that for me, in this moment, that it was not going to come from the most flowy, high vibe, embodied place. It was going to be a lot of force from me to push these things forward while also growing a baby and keeping them alive and all of the things that come with a newborn. And so I again believe that this miscarriage, like my first, was a blessing from the universe in the sense that the universe knew that this is what needed to happen, so that I could look at myself and see the ways that I was holding my own self back and the ways that I was using this as an excuse. And, you know, I would offer to you, can you correlate this to something else in your life? So maybe you're not on a pregnancy journey, but maybe there's this thing that you keep putting on a pedestal and saying, oh, I will only go do x if y happens, or you're waiting for that promotion at your job to finally quit, or you're waiting for that big bonus to finally put a down payment on a piece of land in Bali to build the villa of your dreams. I don't know, whatever it is, why are you. Why are you waiting? Okay, that would be my question to you, is, why are you waiting? So that it can feel better so that it can feel more aligned. If that's true, that's very different than just waiting for something arbitrary to happen so that you feel, quote unquote, safe.
Speaker A [00:08:35]:
That thing outside of you is not going to allow you to feel safe. You have to cultivate that safety within the body, and you have to be willing to go for that thing no matter what the outside circumstances. And I think that's what this really showed me was that as much as I thought I wanted that third kid and that that was the big dream I came to realize. It is a dream, but it is not the dream that I am fully ready to step into right now. And that's okay. And it's okay to have these feelings as a mom. You know, I think many women most likely have had feelings like this on their pregnancy journey, and they just don't talk about it. They don't talk about the resentment, potentially, that they feel, the constriction that they feel the loneliness, perhaps, or the, you know, the feelings of overwhelm that this baby is bringing.
Speaker A [00:09:36]:
And of course, you have the baby. And like I said, they give us so much that I do believe that you can shift out of this energy. But can you take a hard look at yourself and see where in your life you are getting in your own way, essentially, and you are letting the I will do this if then creep in, you know, or where you're living too, too much in your head. If you are calculating that far forward, that you're calculating, like, months in advance and saying, like, it's like a fucking math equation where you're like, if this, then that. If x and y and this comes to pass and blah, blah, blah, like, you are living so far in the future, it's no wonder you have anxiety. It's no wonder you feel uneasy. It's no wonder you don't feel stable because you're not actually living the life that's right before you because many of those things that you're thinking about may not even come to pass. And then you have used how much energy strategizing something that doesn't even come to fruition.
Speaker A [00:10:42]:
And yes, we need to use our heads as we think through, you know, things, but we spend so much time in our heads, way too much time in our heads and not in our hearts and not in our bodies. And our bodies and our hearts are always talking to us. And when we lead from that place, we are never going to be let down because it is what's true for us in the moment, you know? And so if you get anything out of this, I really just encourage you to stop and perhaps take inventory of the areas of your life that you're making excuses. And are they really like valid, true excuses or are they just keeping you from taking that big leap or doing that big thing? Because you are going to cause yourself a lot of heartache and a lot of resentment if you really want to do these things anyway. And I can't even tell you the power of going after the thing that you want. This is a really silly example, but it's really true for me and I'm kind of amazed at it. So I yesterday went and got laser hair removal for the first time and I have been wanting that since college. I remember asking my dad as a graduation gift saying, can you get me laser hair removal? And I don't remember why he said no or whatever, but ever since then, it's something that I've thought about and I've talked myself out of it because other people were like, oh, it doesn't, it doesn't last forever.
Speaker A [00:12:13]:
Oh, you'll have to get it redone this that. The other, I was on a literal high yesterday coming home from the office. I was so excited for myself to do this thing that I had been wanting to do that seems so silly, so arbitrary. And I honestly found myself trying to like defend myself when I was talking to another mom friend and she was like, whoa, whoa, Victoria, like, who gives a fuck why you wanted to do it, like you wanted to do it and that's good enough. And so I encourage any of you listening, if there is something inside of you that you want to do, do not wait another second. Do not let these old stories stop you. Do not let these other dreams that perhaps, you know, feel like they're very present if they're not really something that can be achieved in this moment, can you put your energy towards the thing that is, because this is the other thing, right? We can plant seeds for our future and it is okay if we plant the seeds and then move our energy somewhere else for a little while and then come back to it. Okay, it's important to acknowledge that you want this thing.
Speaker A [00:13:26]:
But then if it's not coming to fruition right away or you're having to do all of this mental math to make it fit in your current life, maybe now is not the right time. And, you know, I'm one of those people that like, has to experience something to realize like, oh, nevermind, that's actually not what I wanted. And I think sometimes that has to happen for people, that you have to get the thing that you thought you wanted, and then you have to realize that, like, oh, shit, that's actually not what I wanted. It reminds me of that. That Netflix movie with Lindsay Lohan, Irish Wish. It's a cute rom.com, but basically, she wishes for something and then realizes it's not actually what she wants. And so I encourage you to take inventory of your wishes and your desires and really check in with yourself to see if they are still true in this moment. If they are the thing that is really lighting you up, or if there is something else that's pushing you along.
Speaker A [00:14:26]:
I will say the getting pregnant, it felt like it had to happen now because in my head, I was like, oh, my God, I don't want to be up all night and changing diapers and all of this in a few years. I don't want to have to start over. Okay? But that's a story that's been told to me from other people for a really long time that, like, the reason you should have kids so close together is so that you're just getting it over with. Okay? That's not a story that's true for me anymore. I actually would rather be in a place where I'm fully present and okay with this thing moving forward. Like, the baby deserves that. I deserve that. I'll never forget my mom always telling me that they were.
Speaker A [00:15:09]:
Her and my dad were 28 when they had me. And she was like, I was so settled. I was ready for you because I had done all of the things that I wanted to do in my life, and that's how I felt after Sebastian. I was also. Well, I was 28 when I first got pregnant and then miscarried, and then I was 20. No, I was 30 when I had Sebastian. But anyway, regardless, the point is that I was ready. I had done all the things that I wanted to do, and I felt ready, and I thought I was ready for this third baby, and I'm not.
Speaker A [00:15:41]:
There are still so many things that I want to do. I have had two beautiful boys in the span of, like, four years. Well, three. They're two and a half years apart. So I have dedicated my life for the last four years to these little humans, and I will continue to dedicate my life to them forevermore. But I'm finally getting back a bit of independence. Rocky's in school now, like, and that's only since January. So what is this rush that I'm putting on myself to push out another child right now? Because society says it's easier because society says that I shouldn't want to be an older mom, that it's going to be harder when I'm 35 plus I turn 35 in May, it's going to be harder on my body.
Speaker A [00:16:28]:
All of these things, they don't have to be true for me if I don't want them to be. Those are stories that other people have said, but I get to create my own reality. So what if I'm an older mom? So what if it takes a little bit more of a toll on my body? That's okay. If I am at a place where I am at peace with that, with being fully ready to give my body, mind, spirit, soul time to this new child, then why the fuck not? And so, again, that can correlate to anything in your life. It doesn't have to be a pregnancy journey, but anything that you are ready to step into or perhaps ready to step away from. Like, are you following old stories and things that other people have told you about how that experience is going to be? Or do you truly believe that's the case? Because that's a big difference. And I think so many of us blindly follow these stories that we've been told. And it's not our fault, right? They were projected upon us.
Speaker A [00:17:31]:
They've been ingrained into us. We do believe them to be true. But when we stop and ask ourselves if they are, I think many of us will find that they're actually not and that we don't necessarily believe them. But you've got to take the time to stop and see and take that inventory and see again if you're living in the future or if it feels good in your body in the present moment. So I think that's what I wanted to share most today. I would love to hear your perspective on this and how it makes you feel. So please leave me a comment on instagram. Etoriamargonealson I am loving having these conversations with you every week and loving that I can be so honest and truthful with what's rising within me.
Speaker A [00:18:21]:
So I would love to know what's rising within you. And I just thank you so much for being part of this community and for allowing me to activate my voice and my truth in such a beautiful way. Thanks so much for being here with me, guys. Be good to one another. I'll see you next week. I love.