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Join couple-preneur Ruth and Brian Steinmetz as they share their expertise in real estate, design and social activism. As co-founders of “Steinmetz”, a real estate brokerage and interior design firm serving mainly Chittenden County, Vermont, they explore the intersection of wellness and the art of conscious dwelling through what they call dwellness. They’ll cover topics like equity- in all its forms, environmental and social justice, conscious consumption, mental and community health and so much more. Each week, they discover more about dwellness through unfiltered and nuanced conversations with change-makers, dreamweavers, and many more awesome and inspiring people.
Change your life, your home and your community by discovering what dwellness means to you.
Welcome to the Dwellness Podcast. I'm Ruth Steinmetz and I'm Brian Steinmetz. Join us on our journey to discover the connections between physical and mental well being and our dwellings.
The Reverend Mark Hughes with us today, a military veteran, all around good guy. Uh, the Reverend of the New Alpha Missionary Baptist Church. That's a lot of words. And where, uh, where is this located? Currently, they're worshiping at the Richard Kemp Center, which is, uh, you know, a whole other conversation.
Yeah, we'll get into that momentarily. We have a very special quote from him today, as a matter of fact, Mark, we'll let you go ahead and, and tell us yourself. It comes from mama Hughes. It comes from mama. Mama say something. You better look out. You know, she said what she said, Ruth and Brian, she would say, and you know, you know, it was, um, situation appropriate.
So just imagine being in a situation to where, you know, You know, you look at your mom and you say, well, I did enough, or, you know, I, you know, I, I did my part or, you know, words to that effect, or, you know, kind of like you come home from school and you got a C on your report card and you're like, I passed.
Right. So her quote was, it's not good enough for you to do. Okay. It's not good enough for you to just make it. She said, I expect the overflow of your life to pour out into the lives of the people around you. So I'll never, I'll never forget that. We, um, we sent her home in 2020, 20, 2005, but that's, that's like one of the big things that, you know, that I always think about with, uh, with her is that she always had those.
I call them Virginia isms, right? You're like, Oh man, because sometimes, and she'd even, I'll give you another one. She'd even sometimes. She got me like that because you can tell when you get me because I don't speak for like over two seconds or three seconds. Right? So there's no comeback. Right? Exactly. So I'd say so she'd look at me and go, how now?
Brown cow. You know, as if to say, where are you going from here? You know, she had all those Virginia isms. How now, brown cow? Oh, that's a good one. The overflow of your life. I expect to pour into other people. That reminds me of two things. First of all, my cup runneth over. Yeah, of course. Yeah. From the Bible.
Can you. Help me out with that, Reverend. Nope. I'm not gonna help you at all. I'm gonna let you struggle with that. Now I cussed to, is that from Psalm 23? ? Is it, oh, Psalm 23. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We could, we can say that. Nailed it. Yeah, that's, that's all. Let's go. Uh, so Psalm 23, my cup run over. That's one thing reminds me of, I try not to, I try not to quote the Bible.
I, no matter where I go, I, when people start getting me to try to do that, I'm, I'm like, yeah, what do you think? It says . I'm like, yeah, let's just go with that . Why? Why is that? I think it's pretentious. Oh, yeah, because you have people up with the Bible, you know, but anyway, my cup runneth over. I'm on it. I love it.
I love it. Yeah, that's what that reminds me of. First of all, and secondly, reminds me of this. Uh, kind of self help thing where, uh, you have to fill your own cup before you can pour it into somebody else's. So you have to take care of yourself so you can then take care of others. That's very true, especially like as a parent, I think, um, when you're tired and unfed and grumpy and stuff, your, your level of care is much lower than if you're taking care of yourself.
If you're well, if you slept well and you're well fed and you've got. You know, you've got a good attitude on life. That's a big deal. I think that's a real big deal. And sometimes I think about it and I know I promised y'all I wasn't gonna beat you up with scripture, but I know one of the things that I'm always reminded of is, is, you know, where, um, there's this, you know, this, the great commandment, you know, where, uh, it is said, you know, that we're to, you know, I'm just paraphrasing, just love God with everything that we have.
But then it says. to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. You know, and I think about that sometimes with the, you know, the cup running over or with the overflow type thing. Mm-Hmm. is, is how am I loving myself? You know? Yeah. It's like if I'm, if, if I'm gonna love you, like I'm loving myself. If I'm loving myself, pretty crappy, that's about all you gonna get outta me.
Mm-Hmm. , right. But if you know, if I'm really loving myself real good, I'm gonna love you up every time I see you, right? Yeah, you're like come over here. Let me love you up girl Yeah,
it's it's the grace we give ourselves too Because it's hard to give anybody grace if you're so hard on yourself if you're hating on yourself. Yeah, it's it's really hard to love And be gracious to others and speaking of which, yeah, can I just say this? I know where I know this is a video podcast, so people already know and I'm, but I'm the consummate state of the obvious.
Y'all look good. Y'all some good looking
people. I was, I was kind of like, Going through my bag and I was talking on the phone, Brian, when you first came up behind me, when I first started, I haven't seen you in forever. I saw you been like in 10
different places. But I look back and I saw you and I was just like, you know, it's good to see you, my friend. You look really good. Thank you. Yeah. I will take that. We've been loving Uh, just, you know, taking care of better care of ourselves. We got a baby on the way. We got two others that we have to take care of.
We got a community that we have to look after as part of our job description. Whenever anybody says baby, everybody ought to just go, everybody, everybody ought to be like this. I don't even care if you know him, man. You say baby. It's like that's the buzzword, right? Baby! Everybody just break off into the baby step.
Yes! So excited. We should make up a new dance called the baby, right? Yeah, that's just in the fetal position on the floor.
Next time I come back, I'm telling you, next time I come back, I'm going to do the baby. I'll be like, do the twist. It's going to be some steps. Like 50s, 60s. Cause you know, the babies, when you ask the baby to dance, they're just like the wobble.
That's a dance. I'm dancing for it. Oh, my God, I'll come back with the, I'll come back with the dance. I promise. Well, I'm coming back soon too, because I like this. I like, it's fun, right? You are very welcome. Yeah, yeah, it's so much fun. And we've grown so much and that's getting to the end of this season.
You're actually like one of our, if not our last guest, I don't think he's our last guest. I think we have like two left. Do we? Do we? Will, help us out. We got three left, he says. He's got the, he's got the fingers up. He feels like, yeah. Uh, yeah, so we got, we got three more to book. Yeah. I can help you with that.
would actually be amazing. Yeah, we can, we can get to, I, I, I actually got a couple ideas. Oh. Yeah. Well, we'll have to talk afterwards. Some of my people are way more important than me. I mean, it's like. It's like, oh. Nice. Cool people, not like me.
I mean, I can't even believe I'm on this program. I looked at what you guys are doing. I'm like, what are you thinking? Hurry up and get over there before they change their minds. I mean, if it's not Jesus, there's nobody cooler than you. Oh my God. Thank you. You were cool people. You're going to make me cry.
I know. And we go away. Well, not too way back. It's only recently. It's pretty way back. It's pretty way back. We were in the pandemic response together. I know your mama. Ooh, you know my mama. Everybody knows her mama.
When, when your mom's a local celebrity, I mean, everybody, oh, okay. I can see it now. Yeah. I think I knew her before, before I knew she was a celebrity though. We're not going to say her name. Yeah. Carilbo. She was a guest on this show. She was a guest. Yeah. Yeah. She was number one, I think. No, number two.
Number two. Yeah. Guest number two. Yeah. We should probably come back and sing a duet for y'all or something like a Christmas. We've been playing with the idea of putting out a Christmas album, actually. Really? Probably in a couple years. That would be fun. We gotta get through some babies first. Oh, holy night.
I gotta, I gotta discover a bass line for that. Brightly shining. The stars are brightly shining. Long lay the world in sin and never a pining. How's it called? Pining? Is it pining? Pining, yes. To you. Yeah, I can, I can come and break that down. Plus, I like these mics, too. I mean, I'll... They're so good. I'll break it down.
Break it down. Alright, let's focus here, though. Okay. All right. We got some questions to get through. Yeah. First of which, but we love, we love your mama's quote. Yeah, this is so fun so far. So let's keep going. We just have a road to go down. So we got to make sure that we don't go off roading too much there, Mark.
I intentionally did not listen to any of these programs because I wanted to come like completely like naked to the world. I like it. Great. Well, we do have a couple of questions to ask you. The first of which is, um, we ask everybody this.
We are the Dwell in this podcast, as you know. And so we ask everybody that comes on. The first thing we want to know is, um, besides what's your favorite quote is, uh, uh, how do you find your dwellness? Yeah. However you define it. Yeah. Yeah. I like, I like the word. I mean, I, I love the word and I just have, I want to come back.
At y'all to find out where you got it, but I'm not going to this one. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't take credit for that Okay, I just was like, yeah, that's good. Let's go. You know, you know what I'm feeling though Let me tell you what I'm feeling with it. Mm hmm. Yeah is um, one of the things Because, you know, I'm the executive director over at the Vermont Racial Justice Alliance and we do a lot of work in outreach and education.
We do a lot of policy work, uh, platforms and initiatives, uh, community engagement support, cultural empowerment. It's all data driven work and it, you know, I could, we could have a whole...
Yeah, but one of the, one of the things where, where we've really been like vibing and intersecting is at the intersection of wellness, culture, and youth in our communities. Okay. Uh, and so we've been, been doing a lot of work talking about wellness, mental health is, has been huge, um, prevention, a lot of prevention stuff.
I'll be at a prevention conference all day tomorrow. I'm going to take the whole staff with me. Um, we know that we're in the middle of a, a, um, a mental health crisis, um, is so incredibly important that we are well. And the thing is, is that with, with so many challenges, and I'm, now I'm talking about black folks with, with, with all, uh, because systemic racism is a thing, you know, I don't know whether y'all heard about it or not, but it's a thing, it's, it's going down.
You're making that up. I Everybody I see says that. Oh, yeah. Like for real. I shouldn't even joke about that, but... Well, you can joke with me. I mean, come on. We know each other, though. Thankfully. Yeah. But it's a very serious topic. Yeah, don't make it come across this table. But for real, um, just getting back to the whole idea of wellness, wellness, wellness, wellness.
You know, we're... You know, we're rolling out some programming, um, you know, affinity spaces, Brian, we're, we're doing, we're doing, you know, movie nights for the kids, we're, there's after school programming that's happening right now, and all I'm doing is I'm connecting all of the dots, because it's a lot of stuff that we're pulling together.
You know, just just to just to make sure that we're okay. And and when you say Dwellness that just resonates with me in a big kind of way when you say dwellness because it also because I know Your business will not all your business For example, I didn't know we was having a baby until 10 minutes ago.
So I definitely don't know all your business but But for real though, the, the dwelling piece is, you know, your broker, um, you're, you know, you're, you're an interior designer in, in it. So I've looked, I have looked at the website and I, and I think that I've, after we talked, I just looked at the website today.
I didn't look at the, but, um, You know, dwelling, it makes sense. And I was thinking about, because we rent. We're proud CHT, uh, customers, and we're really, really proud of affordable housing and the miracles that it's turned. But everybody dwells. Everybody dwells somewhere. Whether, whether you're renting, whether you're buying.
Um, and I just think of, you know, I'm, I just think of, you know, to, to dwell, like to be someplace and to be well at the same time is kind of like being in a place of comfort, you know, being in a place that is a kind of a. A consistent or a, a go to, or a kind of like what, what is there? Everybody has a place where they feel most comfortable, where they feel most well, where they, where they hang out, if you know what I mean, like the default settings, the quiescent state, right?
It's like, and I think that, you know, with, you know, we can, I think all of us in our minds immediately we go to our homes and maybe some of us go to. Um, a place in our homes, but, um, if I did, I would go to our, our back porch, you know, where my wife and I are at the end of the day. It's like, honey, how's your day?
You know, and we're, we're just settling down. But, but I, I think also though, when I get up, sometimes I get up in the morning early, very, very early, probably, probably this morning I got up at 5 a. m. So that's about it's about medium. Usually it's between 4 30 and 55 30. I get up. Um, there is a quiet. So there's a space in my not not in my house, but in my heart.
You know, when I get up early in the morning and I'm just alone with God. It's just me. And my even my wife is out of the picture, you know, and it's just me. In the world. There's nobody else around, you know, and I'm, and I'm, uh, you know, I come down the stairs and it's so beautiful when I think about it in my mind because, you know, I, I'm, I turn VPR on.
I, you know, it's like a, it's like a, it's like a, um, Uh, a regiment or, uh, you know, a ritual, a ritual, a regiment. And I, you know, I put the water on the stove. I grind the coffee. I wash the dishes. I stretch. I exercise. I pray. I watch the news. I read my Bible. And finally I get to a point to where I check my email.
Don't judge me because I didn't say I brush my teeth. Okay. Don't don't judge me. Don't judge me. Don't judge me. Okay. But, but I think my dwellness. Is my, my, you know, my dwellness is there in that space, that space between maybe five and six in the morning, you know, in my house and just at that quiet time where it's just me and me alone, me and just, just nobody else, you know, that's the time, you know, where I'm, I am just at peace with the world.
I hear you. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I go through something similar. I think it's kind of a dad thing, honestly. But like, the older I get, the earlier I want to get up, you know? It's like, I like having at least a half an hour of silence where there's nobody else up and I can just like kind of do my own thing, tinker around the house, read my Bible, stuff like that.
And it's a good, it's a really great way to fill up your cup. I love it before you have to start pouring it out onto other people. Yeah. I love it. Hopefully you have enough time to where it overflows. And if it doesn't just keep filling it up. Yeah. And that's why I like, you know, that one day a week where you get to just fully rest, you know, and really fill up that cup, but it's amazing to have, or it's, it's a privilege and it's a wonderful thing to be able to have that space every single day where it's just you yourself and.
And you, your spiritual self, your physical self all in one. Yeah. Yeah. I, I was, you know, I was thinking about, you know, where, how people connect, how many people connect. And, um, I don't hear a lot of people talking a lot about spirituality. I hear a lot of people talking about there's their, um. Emotional stability and more than ever, which is good.
It's an awesome thing. Well, I think it has to do with the mental health crisis you're talking about. But so few people connected to mental health with spirituality. Yeah, I agree. And I think that there's, it can't be more clear that there's a connection there. I mean, you know, we, we, we think about our, our social, our emotional, our financial, our.
Um, you know, our spiritual, you know, just our whole self when we just bring our whole self anywhere, you know, they gotta be connected. I mean, otherwise, what are we just walking around with like multiple personalities or just, I don't, I mean, I know the thing, the thing, the thing I'm getting at is, is that it all connects everything about us is connected.
And just, you know, if I'm, if I'm. You know, if I'm struggling with, um, you know, like a dental issue, yeah, you can feel it in your toes. That could, that could affect me, you know, my physical wellbeing, which could affect my emotional wellbeing, which could destabilize my spiritual wellbeing. You know, if, you know, the question is, is how we, you know, how, how do we respond?
Yeah. If you know what I mean, how do we respond to that? And moreover, how do we get out in front of it? We gotta, we gotta be proactive. We got, especially now in this age, at this time, in our lives, at this place in history, because this is an unprecedented time. Things are coming at us. You know, we look at things that are happening in the middle, in the Middle East and so forth.
But I'm telling you, um, as I see it, and I just turned 60. This year, what I can say is, is I've seen a couple things and don't take it the wrong way, but this is, this is truly an unprecedented time that we're living in, you know, when we started looking around the world, um, and more than ever, you know, not unlike the crossroads between the dispensation of, of the law and the dispensation of grace, where it was important for us to, to, um, First and foremost, looking to our hearts now more than ever, we got to protect our minds, and I'm not saying that our hearts are not important, but what I'm saying is, is that there there is a the way that we think about things is so incredibly important in terms of how we respond to what's coming our way, and you can't get it in your heart until you get it in your head.
Yeah. So today, I think more than ever when I'm, when I'm thinking about, and this is kind of like my new aha, this is my new, Oh my God, who would have thunk it? But I really believe today that we as, as, you know, As we're, as we're called to walk and to do justice, to love mercy, to walk humbly. Um, as we're, as we're here as watchmen on the wall today, um, as we're here, uh, as interceptors, uh, to, to be a hope and a light.
Um, one of the things that's incredibly important that I believe right now is that we protect. Our minds and what, and part of what that means is, is we've, we've got a mind, how we're thinking about things and we don't today, it's, it's so important that I don't fall in. I don't fall into that. As you said, the quiescent state, that status quo, I don't fall into that, that, that, um, Thank you.
That old way of thinking about things, we must develop new ways of thinking, I guess is what I'm trying to get at. So, I think a lot of the reasons why I've perhaps faltered or maybe have not lived up to be my very best self, precluding me from, um, embracing an overflow in my life to be able to have something for somebody else.
Is, is the way that I was thinking. Um, I think a lot of times You talk about like a scarcity mindset kind of thing? Yeah, I think that's almost a perfect example. Yeah. But I, I think it's also a, a protective mindset in some way or a reflexive mindset or a responsive Mindset. Reactive. Reactive mindset.
Instead of like proactive. Yeah. Getting out there and like making things happen. Yeah. So that your cup can overflow. Exactly. A lot of times you'll see people, a lot of times we will, we will be flinching. Uh, we will, we will be ducking, we will be running, we will be suspicious of everyone and everything around us, we will be critical, we will be judgmental, um, and, and I think away with that.
We got to get, now I'm, I'm at a life, I'm at a point, a time in my life where I'm just, I want to, I, I am striving to think the best about everything and everyone that I experience. I am, um, you get the benefit of the doubt. Not because of who you are, but because of, because of who God is in my life or because, because of the transformation that he's, that he's, that he's accomplishing in me.
Um, when I go outside, if, if, if somebody is running to my car, I need to be able to look at that thing in a different kind of way. Um, for those who know me, especially those who've known me for years and years, you know, I've been known as Snap. You know, I'm out, you know, back old school, man. I would, I would snap on somebody in a minute.
I can tell you what the business is. I have no idea what that's like. I've never done anything. But I want to be, but I want to be different. Don't you? Yes. Don't you want to be different? Don't you want to, don't you want to be able to be a blessing to yourself and to your, to your husband and to your family and to the people around you, concentric circles to allow the overflow of your life to pour into the lives of people around you.
Don't you want to be better? The best you, you possibly can be. Yeah. That's what I want to do. Absolutely. Especially now because I, when I, What I believe more than anything is, is that we, you know, there's a, we need some hope. Folks around, I mean, the world right now needs, needs hope more than ever. I mean, we're in the middle of a pretty major existential crisis on multiple fronts.
So, like, hope goes a really long way. Preach, preach out.
So, a lot of, uh, there's a few things that came up to my mind. Like, when you said we need to not be caught up in In the way that we're thinking and think of new things in new ways and be proactive. Maybe think about, you know, this is an unprecedented period in time. Yeah, mainly because Well, one of the main reasons is that we are so inundated with information all the time, and it is like, I just feel for my kids because they grew up in this, like we grew up, you know, the TV starts at 4 p.
m., you know, you, you, you play all day. You don't have to consume information all the time. Whereas for them, it's always there. They're always surrounded by technology. They're always influenced by other people. And there's all these filters making them distort even how they see themselves as human beings.
And you, you almost have to kind of arm yourself before you consume the information because the information is so liable to distort reality, deceive you. Make you go in like a rabbit hole. That is just one channel of thinking that doesn't really challenge itself or give you any sort of like, uh, opposing opinion.
So It's you have to be proactive. You have to be intentional as you're living through life because there's just so much coming at you that it's hard. It's hard to just be and it's hard to feel safe because you don't know what what you're going to consume. That's going to lead you down, uh, an extremist path or down a hateful path, a vengeful path or a misinformed path.
There's so much deception going on. So yeah. That's, yeah, I read it on the internet. It's gotta be true. Yeah. . Well, why wouldn't it be ? Why would they even write it if it weren't, not only did I read it on the internet that night, I got to the end of the internet. Yeah, right. That's our whole thing. You know, one of the, one of the things, as you were speaking , one of the things as you were speaking, I was thinking about that is, is a, you know, there are, you know, there, there's a, there's quite a few things that we're wrestling with that we've never rest wrestled with before.
Yeah. In. I think what I used to do is, is I would just right now, I would just start naming them. Which, which I don't want to do right now. I could name them. Yeah. But isn't it more important to get out in front of it and just say, but don't worry. It's going to be okay.
Understand, understand that, you know, it's the same. It's just about the same power, you know, that we exist, that we're going to get on the other side of this, that, you know, we weren't created and brought here for this moment just to perish. You know, there's, you know, there is, there is a future and a hope for us and for our children and for this world.
And it doesn't mean that it's going to is that it won't, that it will be without. Adversity. It doesn't mean that it, that it's going to, that we're going to be unchallenged. It doesn't mean that things are not going to be hard, but what it does mean is, is that in, in the end we win. And that's huge to think about it.
I mean, you know, the, the list just goes on and on and on of all of the, all of the challenges, um, that, that we're wrestling with, you know, and to include. Thank you. Um, you know, not just, you know, domestic challenges, but, you know, international and global challenges, um, you know, we, you know, everything, you know, everything from, from AI to global warming, you know, and, and, and the list goes on and on, um, brand new war that just broke out, it's been raging for 2000 years.
Let me pause on that for a minute. Um, And just, um, because the thing is, is it also doesn't mean that, that we can't mourn just, just because we know that there's hope and just because we want to keep it moving and we want to be an encouragement it, you know, we, it doesn't mean that we shouldn't stop and experience the pain with our brothers and with our sisters, because there's a lot of pain right now from, I mean, um, In general, but for that specifically, and, um, you know, I, I, um, as I think about that, I think I, I think we would all be remiss if, if we didn't just pause for a moment, you know, and, and just really, um, just reflect on the pain and suffering and, and the, um, the loss.
And, you know, it's just gut wrenching. It is. See, I don't want to get stuck on that, but, um But we do, we should, I think we should at least slow it down for a minute and acknowledge it and call it for what it is. It's a horrible, horrible, horrible thing. It's a horrible thing. And, um, you know, my heart, my heart, my prayers, my thoughts, um, and I'll continue to pray.
For that situation over there for those who are immediately impacted those who will be impacted in the concentric circles that likely exist around that that will, um, I think, um, that have the potential of even, uh, ramifications here, right? Right here today. And that's global. I feel so much better, though, when, when, um, when I'm when I'm able to do something, uh, Um, when I'm able to help somebody, when I'm able to pray for somebody, when I'm able to be present for somebody, and I think that's, I think that's probably one of the things I've been thinking about more than anything is, is how do I just show up right now in light of what we're talking about?
And you know, with, um, with the Israeli Palestinian, um, challenge, I refuse to call it a war. I don't think it's a war. I think, I think it's, you know, it is what it is. It's, it's terrorism. Um, not, you know, I think calling it a war really, it gives, um, too much credibility to, uh, the um, to the instigator, uh, as far as, uh, you know, the, uh, you know, and this is not a, you know, a critique on, uh, Netanyahu or anything like that, but I, I honestly, I think it was probably a strategic mistake for him to say he was at war because, Um, the Hamas is not a, they're not a, um, a nation state, uh, which means they're not subject to the Geneva Convention or rules of war.
Don't forget I'm a retiree, an army retiree. Um, and nor, nor have they conducted themselves, uh, as such, uh, and we. You know, it was a mistake that the United States made because we called it a global war on terror is what we called the response to 9 11, which was kind of nonsense. But, you know, I think, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's a difficult thing because you, you call it a war.
Um, but in that means is the expectation is is you, you've got adversary adversaries that are engaging by the same rules. And that's just not, it's not true. That's not what's happening right now. And to me, it causes me to, to seriously think, um, about the, the obligations, um, that the, um, that the nation state has, uh, to that particular effort, because, um, You know, they, they, they're, they're held to much, so much of a higher standard.
Um, it's kind of like, you know, fighting with one hand behind your back, but it's not a war though. That's certainly, you know, I think the U S felt that a lot in Vietnam. Yeah. Yeah. Especially like, uh, they would go outside, the Viet Cong would use Cambodia as like a safe ground. We weren't allowed to invade there or allow for that matter.
So they would just. Duck over and jump across the border in retreat, and we wouldn't be able to pursue them. Stuff like that. So I think that the Geneva Convention has been used against us as a nation, uh, during wartime. More than once. Yeah, or But it's definitely, you know, I'm glad it exists. I just wish that Yeah.
Everybody had to follow it. Yeah. I, I think maybe it could be that the, it's not so much that it's been used against us, it's just that it was just, just been not, it has been deemed irrelevant or, or just hasn't been, um, um, applicable to I see the situation adversarial adversaries rather. Yeah. Um, so I think that that's what it is.
I'm, I mean, I, I, um. You know, again, I think the main point here is, is just back, back over to, um, what has happened over there, you know, it was, it's completely, you know, shocking and, uh, really, you know, incredibly disturbing. Um, but let's, let's continue to just pray for those, those guys and, and, and lift them up.
And, and I think, I think our prayers, uh, should be, um, my prayers are certainly they go. Um, you know, to the, you know, to the Israelis, to the Palestinians, to the region, um, to the world, because there's, there's so many different ways that this thing can go sideways. Um, that, um, we don't, um, and, and I think, um, I don't know with me, I, you know, I'm not suggesting that our, our prayers are necessarily going to keep that from happening.
Um, because I do believe in, you know, I do believe we're dealing with a sovereign, a sovereign God, you know, he's gonna do what he wants to do at the end of the day. Um, and I, but still, you know, I still believe that, you know, when it's all said and done, um, that we win, that somehow or another. Um, we're going to be okay and I think that's, that should be, that should be our focus really is, is let's support each other through this thing.
Let's lift each other up and while we're going through it, instead of, you know, falling into that fetal position we was talking about earlier, the baby dance that just jumping out there and be like, yo, who needs some help? Right. How can I help? And that overflow that we've been talking about the whole time is, is how do I help you?
In his. And I'm telling you, it's, it's hard sometimes, you know, because, you know, Oh, I'm so busy. And I'm talking about me, um, you know, cause I'm, you know, cause I am, I'm really, I'm honestly doing three jobs and I'm not doing any of them very well, quite frankly, um, because I'm doing so much right now. So y'all pray for me, but, um, but, um, but I'm really, I am busy.
Uh, and then sometimes I just. I am. Sometimes I'm slow to respond. You know what I mean? Cause you know what I'm talking about? You call me this joker, right? You don't call me back like one of these weeks, but we got you in man. But it's hard. It's hard though. You know, and like I said, I'm not doing any of it very well.
And that's what I mean by that is, is, you know, even when I show up, it's like I'm a day late, I'm a dollar short. You know, and people are so gracious and pleasant and patient with me, and I thank you for that. But, but it's hard to be present in the lives of other people. It is so hard to be present. And, but it, but it's what we're, that's what I'm, that's what I feel that I am called to do.
And that's what I struggle with so, the most is, is I just want to be present. And other people, I hope somebody hears this and that they're just blessed that they, I want to be able to speak truth and wisdom into the life of people. I preached last week and, um, just, you know, the message is, is, was what do you think?
And, and it, it, it, the scripture that it came from, it would just challenged, you know, like, how do you think, um, what are the things that you're usually thinking about, you know, how does your mind roam in any given situation? When you're engaging with other people, what are your perceptions? Where do you, what's your default?
What do you normally default to and how you process interactions with other people? And is that good? Is it positive? Is it uplifting? You know, and, and that's where I want to be, you know, I want to be there, but it's so difficult because we just get bogged down, you know, it's so much, but what I'm finding, and this is life lesson is, is I do so much better.
When I'm operating, when I'm, when I'm being a blessing to, when I'm, when I am working in conjunction with or operating on behalf of or speaking wisdom into the lives of the people around me, I forget about the mess I'm in. I've usually, I forget about my own junk and, and I will be. So intently involved in just being a blessing to somebody else and, you know, and just appreciating the joy that comes from that and, and just, um, and, and just really, um, enjoying other people and.
And also, you know, just going down that roller coaster with other people. Whoa, whoa, I didn't see that coming. We, you know, just, and no, really. And, and, and other with other people and in their lives. And, and we need that. Sometimes I just need somebody to get in the doggone roller coaster with me. Yeah, you know, I mean, come on, take a ride with me because I'm, because I'm by myself a lot.
I mean, I'm married. Yes, she loves me. Yes, we are. We come home. But she's, she's, you know, she's doing three things. None of them very well as well. We're just all different directions. And sometimes I just need somebody to call me and say, Hey, are you okay? What can I do? And then if I say it that they would just say, I got you and then just jump in and take the ride.
And I think that's yeah. That's what I, that's what I want to be able to do increasingly more in, you know, the lives of my friends like y'all, you know. You call me and you'd be like, yo, come and get this baby time in order to be able to do those things. That's, that's kind of the cup when you're tapped out and you're working 20 hours a day.
Where can you find time to help somebody else? You know, unless your job is to help other people, but you know, it's also a mindset. I'm thinking of what you just said, where, where is your default? Because if you're a fee. Feeling constantly that I'm stretched so thin, I don't have anything more to give, so that if anyone comes to you as a touch point, you're just like, what else, you know, I can't give you anything.
I mean, you can at least give me your ear and your heart in that moment. That's so true. In that moment and just make that person feel seen and heard. Yeah, you don't have to give. Anymore, but there's this expectation that maybe we put ourselves in that trap of like, I gotta, I gotta be the mother Teresa all the time, right?
In all ways. You know, you can't, but sometimes, sometimes you just, sometimes just being that default of like, I, I am a human being. And I have, even, even though I'm a hot mess sometimes that I feel like I'm a hot mess, just this person interacting with me at this time is precious. And whatever I can give at this moment is.
It's great. And that's the default mindset and heart set. Heart set. Heart set. I like that. Can we use that? Yeah, let's use it. I like that. That's the default heart set I have. And you know, in my former life as a social worker, it would be draining to feel like people are always tapping into you. Um, I've since come to develop like a different heart set around it that even though I'll always feel spread too thin.
Yeah, that's kind of my MO. I've accepted that. I'm not trying to change that. I mean, I think if more than anything, what I like, what I like to do is just Explain it. You know, especially to my, I mean, mostly to my friends, the people that are closest to me is to say, look, man, I'm, I'm literally doing three things at the same time and I'm not doing any of them very well.
I love you. Please be patient with me. It's not, I'm not, I'm not blowing you off. I'm not disrespecting your time or anything like that. I love you. And I'm going to, I'm going to do the very best I can. I just, you know, I just think, and this is maybe where I digress and maybe where I, Differ in opinion with some people is is I'm just gonna say it fast.
It's worth it. Yeah, it's worth it What I'm doing right now in my life. I told you I'm 60 I have way more years behind me than I have in front of me Um, most men in my most men in my family die by the time they're 65 years old I don't have a funeral planned in five years. Okay, I might be around for another 20 years.
That's not my point My point is is that I'm busy and I'm doing good stuff And I'm doing it for people and I'm, as I'm, as I lift up people at the end of the day, I am bringing glory to the Most High God in the work that I do. And anybody who knows me well enough knows, they know that what I do, it's all about people and God.
That's it. I'm, I've, I've never, you know, I, I don't take what I do personal in that way. So, when I When I get up in the morning at five o'clock and when I run all day long for 18 hours, you know, I feel like that I'm in, I'm invested in the lives, into the lives of the people around me. And I'm, I also feel like that I'm bringing glory to my creator.
And, and I think that in my situation, I would not trade that for the world. I will, I will not slow down. I will not stop. Yes. Every now and then I will take a break because my wife says we're going to, uh, you know, the resort and stow and pack your bags and shut up. So she does that like once a month or once every other month.
Um, but I'm just saying, I don't really feel like, um, I'm as off the rails as I might seem because there is such joy that goes into what I'm doing. And when I wake up in the morning, I wake up with joy and what I do when I, when I, what I do throughout the day, I do it with joy and, and also, um, my intention is always for those who are around me and, and, and also for him whom I serve.
So it's not even about finding time because time is not lost. We got to make time. And I think no matter what it is that we do. Um, if we want to make time, even if we're doing three things and not any of them very well evidenced by my being here today, um, we can make time and I mean, God made time stop and he also made a reverse about 42 minutes.
But all I'm saying is, is that, um, you know, it's, I don't, I don't ascribe to that thing that, um, oh, You're, you're working too hard and you got to take care of yourself. So shame on you because you're not taking care of yourself and you're falling apart. Um, I feel great. I'm 60. Like I said, I can probably outrun anybody in this building.
Um, I am lying. I think, I think that taking care of yourself is in that first hour of the morning. Maybe that's it. Oh, you got me. He got me. He always gets me. Speaking of time, though, we do have three more questions that we you. Cause cause we know. Yeah. Yeah. I can go. It's got to go. I'll see you later. Bye.
No, we have. We have. We wrap up with each show with three questions that we ask every guest, the first of which I can ask one. You can, you can, if you want to.
What's a domestic task that you do? Well, Reverend wash dishes, wash dishes. I am a great dishwasher. No hesitation on that either. You knew right away. It's a part of my regimen in the morning. Remember when I get up in the morning, here's the, here's the thing. My wife should not have to wash dishes. That is all so like it is she, if she decides to cook at night and some, and she may or she may not, and, and that's cool too, because that's not her job.
She does. She does it because she loves it. And if she chooses to do it, then I'll take it. But please don't wash them dishes. Right? That's the least I can do. Number two is in the morning. It helps me to wash some dishes. You get to do some dishes in the morning, you know what I mean? Yeah, you know, I do dishes in the morning every now and again.
I love washing dishes in the morning. Uh, and, uh, And listening to VPR at the same time. Oh, yeah. I gotta say, like, you do have a, you do have a sense of accomplishment, like, cleaning out the sink so that it's nice for the rest of the day. The counters. Yeah. The stove. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. You got a nice clean kitchen all day.
Yeah. Yeah. I feel you. Fresh start. Yeah. Oh, the second one. Second question. You're familiar with Star Trek, right? I'm not familiar with Star Trek. Have you been living under a rock for the last 15 years? Ferengi! Ferengi! Yes! The Ferengi! No, go ahead. Go ahead. So let's imagine you're a Starfleet officer, and you're about to be sent on a mission for an indeterminate period of time, and you can only take three personal items.
Now mind you, you have, you're a Starfleet officer, so you got your quarters, you got your uniform, you have your communicator. Mm-Hmm. You, your food's taken care of with a replicator. So . Nice. . I love this woman . Although some mom, my mom said you, she wanted Yes. Y tricky. My mom said she wanted her her Kenyan tea, so we can excuse that.
Nice. Nice. What would I take? So what would you take, what three things would you take? I would, I think I would take, you know, I was gonna say my computer, but you know, you got to, you, you got to ship computer, right? Mm-Hmm. computer. Yeah. Okay. So definitely the Bible. I'm waiting for it. Yeah. Um, we hear that a lot on the show, but I don't, but I don't know if that, that whole replicator thing is, is, I don't know, it's overrated.
So I'm going to make some chili before I leave. So I'm going to take some, I'm going to take some of my chili. You ever, have you ever had my chili? You're coming over to the house with some chili. I'm coming out the house with some chili. Um, yeah. , I, you know, the, the Bible's, the only thing I can think of long, I mean I cer is does this include people?
No. . It, it can include photos of people. Okay. Someone brought a dog though. You know, someone did bring a dog. Yeah. I ain't trying to bring no dog. . Other people want bring, I definitely take a picture of the wife here. Yeah. Um, a bible picture, the wife. And chili. I give up, you know, that's, that's chili. Yeah, you got your chili.
At least, at least for six months, you can, you can, you can freeze your chili. You know, I'm thinking like how, how good. You just gotta have a stash for replicating, I think. Yeah. You'll be alright. If you've got like some, you can just keep replicating it. I think I would take a picture of y'all. Oh, Draco Silva, Indy Turner, period, child.
You're killing me. We'll take the chili. I wanted to bring him, but I brought the chili. You can put our picture on the dish that holds the chili. Yeah. Yeah. You can just stick it. Oh my God. I would show. Come back and get y'all. Oh yeah. All right. Question number three, question number three is, uh, what is one thing that can instantly make your day better?
I, I have a guess, but I want to hear you straight from the horse's mouth. One thing that can instantly activity, whatever my day better one activity, one thing
it's going to sound cheesy and it's probably predictable. But, you know, I saw my wife this morning, um, you would think that I would see my wife every morning, but that's, that's none of your business. No, no, no. I mean, when, when, uh, she, she will go, she will go to, she'll, cause I'm usually at home working.
She'll get up, she'll be gone. Cause she works over at the Richard Kim center. And, um. She might be gone all day, she, and maybe it might even be happening, something happening in the evening. Y'all should come over and check it out sometime, too. Yeah, definitely, yeah. But, it's, it's so strange because when I see her, um, it just lights me up.
So it's just, you know, I don't know that you know it or not, but we married in June of 2020. So it's like right in the middle of the pandemic. We was all living on top of each other, scared. And we were like, oh no, we're gonna die of the pandemic. But, um, but we, um. But I love, love, love that woman and, um, when I see her.
When I see her, I don't, I don't really have words to describe it, but she could be gone. She'd be like, I'm going to run out to the store. She goes out of the store. She come back 45 minutes later. I'm like, Hey, she's like, are you crazy? Right? You, you out of your damn mind because she's known who she married, right?
Right. Thank you.
No, but seriously, um, that was just kind of the setup in the lab. Um, that's, that's how my day is instantly, you know, made better. I mean, and I'm talking about just where the rubber meets the road at. Like if I'm just moving around, um, um, yeah, that's my story. I'm sticking to it. I mean, I got some other stuff, but that, that right there, that's real because it just, not that the other stuff isn't real, but, but it's, it's, it's like, it's resonating with me because I just saw her, I just.
Did you just leave her to come here? I saw her. Sorry, that's a Brooklyn thing. I saw her. Yeah, I just saw her just a little while ago and, um, you know, right before I came over and um. You know, she, it's just, uh, I don't even, if people, I mean, y'all probably, I can, I see how y'all look at each other, so I, I know you know what I'm talking about.
Y'all, y'all guys, I'm telling y'all, Lord let them keep them clothes on. Well on that note, Mark, it's been really nice having you. Y'all better keep dressed up in here! That's why we dress so nice. I love you both. It's such a great time with you. I really appreciate the invite. I mean, it's like, there's no pretense.
Uh, in our conversation, there's, I just, you know, I feel at home with y'all. You guys are like family. I love you to death. Congratulations on all of your accomplishments. And thank you so much for the love that you bring to my life. Likewise. Right back at you. And happy baby! Yes! Happy baby! I'mma do the baby when I come back!
I'm working on it! Yes, you're definitely coming back for part two in season two
because this was way This is so fun, too! Yeah. This right here is so fun. I'mma do something like this. this. I think I'm going to do a thing. No, no, it's not going to be, but
it'll be, it'll be something else. It'll, it'll have another twist on it. And then I'm going to invite y'all. Yeah, we'd love that. We'd love being on the other side of this. And then y'all could make up a dance. Ooh. Yep. Yep. Thank you for having me. Thanks again. Thank you.
The Dwellness Podcast is produced by Steinmetz and recorded at Dialed Studio at Hula. Our audio and video production is handled by Syntax in Motion. Our show producer is Will Davis. Intro music is by Sam Barsh and outro by Ian Koloski. Artwork and promotions by Snicket's Public Relations. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube at Steinmetz VT.
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