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Happy New Year y'all! Stephen is joined by new co-host Beth Winter to discuss the benefits, the barriers, and the practicals behind mentoring activities they've found to help connect with their mentees in a new series. This week's topic is physical activities.
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You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:We are starting a series all about mentoring activities you should implement, the benefits, the barriers, and the practicals. Today's episode is all about physical activities for mentors. We hope today's episode gives you or your organization value. And if so, we'd love to hear about it. Leave us a review, rate the podcast, Share the episode with someone you think would benefit from today's content.
Speaker 2:Thanks for listening. Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. It is 2021. You made it through the dumpster fire that was 2020. We're so glad you're still with us.
Speaker 2:I'm here with a special guest for today's episode, Beth Winter, also the newest host of the You Can Mentor podcast. Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 3:So glad to be here, Steven.
Speaker 2:She wasn't even trained. This isn't even on her job description. She's not being paid for this.
Speaker 3:I am putting it on my LinkedIn bio.
Speaker 2:That that you can. You can do that. You can mentor.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 2:And, hopefully, I mean, whatever connections come from that, please just, you know, report it or let us know.
Speaker 3:I'll let you know what you're doing right.
Speaker 2:Beth's brother has a podcast, so that's why I just assumed that she would wanna be a part of my podcast. So death by tomorrow, that's
Speaker 3:Dead by tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Dead by tomorrow. Yeah. That's super light content there.
Speaker 3:He's really emo.
Speaker 2:Well, hey, guys. We're starting a new series with Beth. We're gonna talk about mentoring activities. So maybe you're like me, and you're in a mentor relationship, and you run out of ideas. You're like, what the heck are we gonna do?
Speaker 2:Run out of ideas. You're like, what the heck are we gonna do? And then, also, it's a new year, so 2021. What are we going to accomplish? What are my goals?
Speaker 2:What's the plan? And so we thought it'd be great to start the year talking about mentoring activities, and we're gonna create episodes in buckets for you to give you recommendations of things that you can do. And I'm gonna give you a a a preview of what those are. We're going to provide you with the benefits, the barriers, and the practicals to different mentoring activities, and here are the buckets. Physical activities, spiritual activities, emotional activities, relational activities, academic activities Like and emotional did I already say emotional?
Speaker 3:You said that one. But it should be in there twice, honestly.
Speaker 2:Yes. We we focus on mental health. So emotional activities will probably be 2 episodes. Let's be honest. We'll we'll do it like like, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit.
Speaker 2:We'll just make it into 3 episodes. Why not? So we're excited about this series, and we hope it's helpful for you. But today, we are talking about physical activities for mentor relationships. So the reason I had Beth come in is she is passionate about play.
Speaker 2:She's passionate about people's brains. And, I mean, honestly, when people think about sports and, like, boys that play sports, they don't necessarily think about brains. It's usually like those kids are the ones that don't have brains. Is that rude? Should I I don't know.
Speaker 2:That was always my perception.
Speaker 3:It's it's okay, Steven. Okay. It's okay.
Speaker 2:But there are so many benefits and barriers to physical activities for kids from hard places. And so let's start unpacking those. Beth, I said you're a brain person, so let's just, right out the gate, just show people how smart you are. What are the benefits of physical activities and mentor relationships?
Speaker 3:I just think to explain to an adult why it's important for them to play with a kid, you have to have, like, some knowledge behind it. So playing with kids is, like, the number one way that you can build trust with them, kids, especially from hard places. There is just that that walled offness, just this need to protect themselves. And so if a kid does not trust you, they are not gonna play with you. And so it's a huge nonverbal for them to say, like, I trust this person enough to play catch with you or to play tag to let my guard down.
Speaker 3:I don't have to be worrying about, are you an okay person for me to be around? I can just be a kid for a minute. And so that's something that's communicated in play. And then also, I think you just want me to talk about oxytocin. I do.
Speaker 3:I do.
Speaker 2:Please. Oxytocin. Sounds like that's such a cool word.
Speaker 3:Well, oxytocin is a hormone in your brain that is released whenever you are playing, whenever it only happens when you're bonding, when you feel safe. It's in a relationship where you feel loved. And so this happens between parents and their kids or, like, husbands and wives. It happens between mentors and their mentees whenever they're playing or whenever there's a special, like, a moment of extreme encouragement or something like that. And so for our kids, kids from hard places, oxytocin is disrupted because of trauma.
Speaker 3:And so the amount of oxytocin that's produced in their brain, it's not gonna be the same as maybe a healthy, stable environment for a kid coming out of that background. So play is a good it's a big part in how God is restoring the brain for a kid who has come out of a hard situation, and play does that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, like, positive physical experiences are what we're made for. And a kid who's had traumatic experiences probably had negative physical experiences Mhmm. That prevent the brain science stuff from actually promoting his health and well-being. I know.
Speaker 2:I just sounded really smart.
Speaker 3:The brain science stuff. Yeah. Your oxytocin levels, that impacts how well you're able to empathize with other people, how well you're able to bond with another person. And so even just for under mentoring, our slogan of relationships change lives to for that to happen, for a relationship to take place, there has to be an overcoming of this depletion of oxytocin in the brain and play is how a really easy way that we can do that.
Speaker 2:It's awesome. So physical activities serve as opportunities for mentors to bond with their mentee, to build trust, and one of the the key ingredients for those seeking to build a strong mentor relationship. And so playing wins. And, I mean, I have mentors who come in, and the first thing I ask them to do is go play freeze tag. And they're a little thrown off by that because their approach of what they believe mentoring is about is, like, dropping knowledge and wisdom and and not increasing a kid's oxytocin levels, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:It's not their first approach, and so I love that.
Speaker 3:Yeah. We even it's a rule that we're not allowed to take away recess at our after school program because it's so important that kids get that chance to bond with their coaches, with the mentors that come that I'm like, there another time another time we need to have a disciplined conversation, but not recess. It's so important.
Speaker 2:And that's the funny thing, like, that's usually one of the first thing that's taken from a child when and it's actually what they need.
Speaker 3:Yes. And a lot of people a lot of adults don't understand why would you not let me take away recess that, but it's so important. It's one of the greatest times we can build relationships with our kids.
Speaker 2:Come on. Okay. Let me let me read this. 11 of 14 studies found 1 or more positive associations between physical education and indicators of cognitive skills and attitudes, academic behavior, and or academic achievement. That is from the CDC.
Speaker 2:And I know right now, the CDC is is going through some stuff with Fauci and all this stuff, but let me just say that we can agree with these studies. No matter where your political affiliation lies, I'm sorry I'm sorry to bring all that stuff in this into this conversation. So so what what else? What are the benefits of physical activities in mentor relationships other than oxytocin? I know you, yeah, you're really big on that.
Speaker 2:But anything else?
Speaker 3:Physical activity stimulates development in the brain of a child in other ways, like cognitive development, language skills, motor skills, both fine and motor fine and, wow. I don't remember what the big one is. That's a problem.
Speaker 2:I only think of, like, fine and coarse. Like, I'm thinking about salt. So
Speaker 3:Whatever the Fine and coarse motor skills. Your large limbs. Gross. That's what it is. Gross motor skills.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So all of those things. And you would you wouldn't maybe walk into, like, a situation your kid is playing, and you're not thinking, oh, him pretending to be at the grocery store and checking out items on a conveyor belt is not a great use of his time. Let's do something more productive. But even just in that, you can you can see how that is helping him develop language.
Speaker 3:He could be developing cognitive skills of counting up money. He's engaging creative play, imagination. And so there's, like, a lot of elements even in that small little game that a kid may be playing.
Speaker 2:Yes. The the imaginative play, which we we talked 5 minutes ago about unstructured activities where kids are allowed to dream up what what they're gonna do or think creatively that that play is like a foundational activity where that's that's promoted Promoted to I don't know. Let's shoot basketballs, but you have to balance on one leg. Yeah. Or you have to throw it, like, off the backboard and make a scream or, like, just random things that doesn't seem like it would be necessarily, like, productive or helpful, and yet you're engaging parts of the mind that are dormant Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Without imagination and creativity. Mhmm. Something else I was gonna say is just if you're playing I mean I mean, kids are always doing something.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Would you agree with that?
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:But they're not necessarily always doing something productive.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:And so physical activity, I would say, if a kid's doing something, it's better than them doing nothing. Mhmm. Would you agree with that?
Speaker 3:Yes. 100%. And if he's doing it outside, that's, like, double points.
Speaker 2:Double points. Yeah. Vitamin d Yes. Coming from the sun onto your body.
Speaker 3:Also releases oxytocin. Just gotta say that one more time.
Speaker 2:Beth. Well and, I mean, the the one thing I thought of was the phone. Like, how many kids are spending their lives
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:Looking at screens, and how does that affect their development and their social awareness? I mean, physical activity helps you understand if you're if you're a young kid and you kick somebody while you're playing and they start crying, you're like, oh, I hurt him, and it's because I did this, and you're learning how to control your body. But if you're just watching videos of violence and playing Fortnite, you're not connecting physically to what's happening in I think it's different. Like, kicking someone and them crying is different than shooting someone in a video game.
Speaker 3:Right. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And and I I feel like the opportunity a mentor has is to create more opportunities for those physical connections.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It forces more responsibility and awareness whenever you're seeing it in real time happen to somebody else in front of you.
Speaker 2:You're a lot smarter than me. So that this was something I I found both higher screen time and lower physical activity rates were linked with higher odds of psychological distress, including emotional symptoms, conduct issues, and peer relationship problems. And so if a mentor is choosing to cast a vision for physical activity, which I think that's the point is that if a mentor is engaging a child in physical activities, they are more likely to do it on their own. Mhmm. Just like if I do a quiet time with my mentee, he's more likely to do it on his own.
Speaker 2:Like, it's just basic discipleship. Yeah. If I do it with you, you're more likely to do it. Mhmm. And so if if we're promoting things that decrease psychological issues, emotional, and relational problems, like, we're we're doing a good job.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Definitely. Well and I think, again, casting vision to mentors to adults is important of understanding the the value of play because I think we lose a little bit of that as adults. Play doesn't feel like a good use of our time all of the time. But for kids, it it is not just about joy, which is hugely important, but it is teaching them a coping skill.
Speaker 3:It's helping their physical development, their mental development, all of these things that we're talking about. And so it's not just having fun. It also is a learning experience.
Speaker 2:That's really good. Okay. Let's transition to talking about barriers to physical activity because we talk about the benefits, but, really, what's keeping kids from hard places from experiencing valuable physical activity opportunities, which which I think that's a that's an interesting way to look at it, that a mentor is an intervention for physical activities for a kid that helps them develop. Mhmm. And so what barriers are there to physical activities for the mentees?
Speaker 2:And the the main thing I think of is environment. Mhmm. I think a a lot of the kids that are in our program have grown up in a concrete jungle Mhmm. Like, have grown up in the inner city, have grown up in an apartment with I mean, if you're from a lower socioeconomic status, you have low like, less space
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:To live. But then you're also more likely to live in a harder part of town where you could have, I mean, adverse experiences to whether it's violence, drugs, or just unsafe environments. I mean, how many apartment complexes put up a playground that no one plays at? Mhmm. Because the as a parent, you're like, I'm not gonna let my kid Yeah.
Speaker 2:Go out there and and play. And, I mean, a lot of our kids, they'll even say that being at our after school program is so much so life giving because they can just run around Mhmm. During this time that they usually would just be sitting in the home.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. And I even think of like, I've had moms tell me, like, thank you for letting my kid come to this after school program and run around because this is the time that he gets to do that. Because if he just goes home after school, I'm not there yet, and it's not safe for him to go outside. And so that's huge.
Speaker 2:And so that that's another barrier is that a lot of kids don't have a someone leading them in physical activities. Mhmm. And the barrier may be a financial barrier. Most of it's just a relational barrier. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But, I mean, we hear all the time, kids being involved in a sport as a child is a privilege. Being able to pay to be on a sports team, have the time and availability to take them to games, and to really commit like, that's a huge commitment for a parent, and not all parents have the financial or the time capacity to take that on.
Speaker 3:Well, that doesn't make me think about, like, so many of our kids, they don't know how to throw a football or kick a soccer ball or make a basketball goal. And by the time somebody like, they show up at our program, we see that, and they don't wanna play games. Like, they don't wanna join in during our recess time because they feel shame that they can't hang, like, with the other boys. And so I think even there's an element of a mentor stepping in and teaching a kid how to throw a football is giving that kid an invitation into a friendship with his peers because all of a sudden, he does have the ability to to play with the other kids Yeah. Simply as that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Like, a mentor is a bridge Yeah. To a kid feeling accepted and, like, he has what it takes. Totally. And I I don't think our expectation at all is for mentors to make a way for kids to be a part of a a sport team.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm sure some mentors are doing that, but I think even at a base level, a mentor can promote physical activity in the life of a child to help him engage and grow in a lot of different ways. Like, a a mentor is not gonna be able to address every barrier in a kid's life. Just Right. Just like that's that's a false expectation for any mentor to have that all of the barriers to physical activity could be overcome by a mentor.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so, I mean, if you're a mentor and you're like, well, my kid lives in an apartment. I gotta buy him a house. Like, stop. Just Mm-mm. Just go shoot a basketball with him and and know that you're addressing some very foundational cognitive issues that a kid may face in that experience.
Speaker 2:I I would wanna share a a study of a disadvantaged neighborhood in Cincinnati, and they did a study because they were show they they were showing signs that they were lacking behind in a number of indicators indicators of child well-being. And the the study indicated that the caregivers of kids in this neighborhood identified violence, the cost of extracurricular activities, and lack of organized activities as barriers to their child's physical activity, and that the overwhelming majority of caregivers expressed interest in a program to make local play playgrounds safer. And so, I mean, I think I I think just in general, what we're getting at when we talk about barriers to physical activity is that there there are societal issues that are preventing a child from developing a healthy sense of well-being for them for them to be healthy. And and physical activity is not something on my list of things that I think about that a kid doesn't have if he's in poverty. So I think that's that's helpful for us to to consider.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Definitely.
Speaker 2:I read another study that was talking about the difference between socioeconomic statuses of children and whether kids from a higher socioeconomic status had more physical activity or lower, as well as screen time, how much they're watching TV, how much they're on their phones. And the study showed that kids from a lower socioeconomic status are on screens more, so they're more likely to have less less rooms in their house. And so in their bedrooms, there are going to be TVs because everybody has a TV, and they're they're on their phones more, but then also have less opportunities for physical activity Yeah. And just because of all all of the barriers. And so it kinda just gives you a picture of the odds are stacked against you in a lot more different ways than just financially if you're a child growing up in with with within a family of a lower socioeconomic status.
Speaker 2:And and I I think that that's just interesting.
Speaker 3:I think that's something that's just good for mentors to think about is there may be at first if you pick your kid up and you're gonna take him to go do some sort of physical activity, there might be a little bit of pushback from him, but I don't think it's necessarily that he doesn't want that, but it may just be so outside of his regular world that kids are naturally gonna be a little adverse to something that's new. But I think it will become something that a kid actually craves. Like, in our program at For Honor, we don't really use TVs much. We don't do anything with phones, iPads. We do have computers for a literacy program, but that's it.
Speaker 3:And our kids never ask for more screen time. They ask for more outside time. Like, they ask for more play where they get to run around and things. And so I think mentors will be pleasantly surprised at how willing and, how much kids desire to do physical activity.
Speaker 2:That's really good, Beth. And and so if you're a mentor and you show up to a mentor interaction and your kid wants to play Fortnite and not talk to you or not play, don't take that as, like, license to just smack the phone out of his hand while at the same time recognize that as you're building relationship, you are creating more motivation for him to get off of his phone as you do more physical activities, as you play together, and as as you build relationship. And so don't don't see it as, well, I just gotta get him to stop doing that. It's more of how can I increase his motivation to do more physical activities even if his bent or disposition is to the phone? And I'm sure every parent understands that at a base level of, like, kids love video games.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And it always it it can feel like we're fighting against the phone and all that stuff. And and I don't know all of the answers for how to get kids off of their phones or not interested as much in that as as far as other things. But I think for kids from hard places, it's more of there's nothing to replace that, like, for them to do. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And so the the opportunities to do something else are far less for kids from hard places, and so their willingness to be on their phone, to play video games, I think, is a lot higher.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Especially if, for some of our kids, I know, like, when they go home, there may not be a parent who's able to spend time with them, and so it's so easy to just plug in and connect with people online, play video games online, entertain yourself. That's just that's how it is. So just meeting kids where they're at, recognizing where they're coming from, not viewing I think sometimes we view video game like, prolonged use of video games as, like, almost advice in people. But I think just knowing where your kid is coming from and understanding the family, the the culture there is important.
Speaker 2:It's really good. Okay. Let's talk practicals to finish the episode. And so what are some practical physical activities that mentors can can implement this year? 2021, physical activities for mentors.
Speaker 2:What are your goals? I mean, we've been talking about play a lot. And so if you're mentoring a kid in high school, it's probably not gonna be freeze tag. Mhmm. But if you're mentoring a kindergartner, I guarantee it's going to be freeze tag.
Speaker 3:100%.
Speaker 2:And so recognize based off of the age of your child what what play looks like. If if you're mentoring a high school student, it's probably going to be a sport playing catch, basketball, or even just going on a walk. I've seen a lot of our mentors during COVID go on walks or ride bikes together, and it's just an instant connection. And and this isn't just a masculine thing because I think women enjoy activities as well. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Like, activities lead to connection. And so if you're doing something physical, which I would say walking is something physical. I love going on walks with my baby and my mentee Mhmm. And just doing something. We went out to the arboretum here in Dallas and looked at plants Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And and just walked around and talked and talked about why he got fired from his job. And that was a great conversation Yeah. But I don't think that conversation would have happened Mhmm. If we weren't doing an activity together. What else?
Speaker 3:I just something you said about the arboretum made me think just giving your mentee exposure to maybe a side of the city that you live in that maybe they don't have access to on a regular day and just exploring that with them, like walking around the city that they're from, that they live in, and helping them see more of the world outside of their apartment complex. That's something that is fun. It helps them feel more established in their own community, like, in their little slice of the world, but it's also physical, like walking around and exploring.
Speaker 2:Exploring. Yeah. That's great. Something we haven't really talked about, but I I do think physical activity relates, like working out, exercising. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like, kids kids love that stuff. The my kids love sweating more than adults. I I I don't have a scientific, like, paper on on the evidence of that, but I can just
Speaker 3:do that.
Speaker 2:I'll I'll do it. I'll do it with our boys in our program. But just boys boys love to be challenged, and I and I think physical activity is a great way to challenge boys in working out. And so if you're a mentor like me that's trying to dunk, when you're 31 and you weigh, or, I mean, I'm I would say I'm mildly obese. I think working out is is just generally good for my own health.
Speaker 2:And so looking to do some push ups and, ab workouts, I mean, it doesn't have to be going to a gym. Yeah. Like, you can just do push ups. I know during COVID, our our mentors were doing a push up challenge on Marco Polo with their mentees where they were just trying to see how many push ups they can do. All of the boys did more push ups than the mentors, and I think it was because the mentor was challenging them.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And so every kid wants wants to I guess there's just a A drive. You wanna win. You wanna be celebrated. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so if a mentor did 20 push ups, the kid would be like, well, I'd I I could do 40. Yeah. And I think that that's really a powerful picture of what encouragement for physical activities can promote in a child. Mhmm. It's like they can they they are motivated to do more and to to try.
Speaker 3:Well, in that example, it even goes back to what you're saying of if you teach them how to do it, there's more of a chance that they're gonna do that on their own when you're not there. Like, showing a kid the proper, like, form for a push up and then challenging him to beat your score, he's gonna go home and be working on his push ups because the next time he sees you, he's gonna show off. And so that's just an easy thing even in a tiny apartment room he can do and be working on on his own.
Speaker 2:It's really good. This would not be me, but maybe a practical would be turning on a song that they enjoy and dancing.
Speaker 3:You don't like to get down?
Speaker 2:I I just don't I don't think this is my lane. Like, I was not put on the earth by God to to dance in a mentor relationship. I'll dance for the Lord, Beth, but he's the only one I dance for.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:And Katie? But, I I mean, I just think that this is a fun a fun way to even just do something out of the ordinary and make a fool of yourself, but along alongside your kid, which Yeah. Is just is just fun. I know I mean, honestly, I know 3 kids in our program that are on TikTok, and I don't know why I know that, but I know that. And Oh, lord.
Speaker 2:TikTok is all about dancing and and doing doing stuff, and I'm not sure our mentors would see that that is an opportunity for them to promote. Yeah. But I do think it's a good it's a good thing to promote.
Speaker 3:Well, I would say that's just something to consider too is asking your mentee to teach you something because I don't know the TikTok dances, but I have asked plenty of kids to show me how to do a TikTok dance, and they'll do it. Or the Fortnite dances, they all know them, and they want to teach. It's like a cool moment for a mentee to be able to teach an adult something they don't know. So Yeah. That's a fun opportunity.
Speaker 2:And it's also it's also a bridge from screen time into doing something physical. Yeah. And so I think I think that that's that's valuable. We already talked about walking and talking, but I I think just in terms of what you were talking about of the experience of seeing places you haven't been Mhmm. I think you could even relate to reading books about physical experiences, like reading adventure stories, any anything that would articulate this life of adventure Yeah.
Speaker 2:That I think boys and and girls would gravitate to because it it opens up, I guess, compartments in their brain to think about what's possible. And so even reading a book that's about some form of physical activity or a physical accomplishment that someone made, I think, could be a valuable a valuable thing to do.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It's good.
Speaker 2:Well, so let's let's finish there and make a challenge. Great. Mentor, listener, all 8 of you out there, wanna challenge you in 2021 to come up with a rhythm for a physical activity to do in your mentor relationship and commit to it. Make it a practice to help your your mentee develop through physical activities, and let us know about it. We'd love we'd love to see what you commit to do.
Speaker 2:So let us know. I don't know how you would let us know. Just hashtag you can mentor or tag us in a post. Yeah. I mean, that would be amazing.
Speaker 2:We we'd love to see what you come up with, but but more than anything, know that, really god is in physical activities as we mentor kids from hard places that that he he made us with bodies. He made us with brains. He made us for adventure, and the the act of discovering and controlling and learning about our bodies in a physical way in the environment that we're in, I think, is a is a great way to help a child's sense of self, their well-being, and their understanding of why god put them on the earth. So do it. Beth, any encouragement for the mentor out there?
Speaker 3:I just have had a lot of kids. When I ask them what's your favorite thing about your mentor, they say, he plays with me. And so I just think you cannot under underestimate the importance of play for that kid. It means a lot to him.
Speaker 2:Boom. Thanks for listening to the You Can Mentor podcast. Give an encouragement to Beth Winter when you have a second. I didn't train her how to be a podcast host, and I think she did an incredible job. And if I hear encouragement, I'll let her back on podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm not. I'm just you're invited back, Beth. Thank you. Join us next week. We're gonna talk about emotional activities to do with your mentee.
Speaker 2:I know that's probably not something you wanna do. Talk about your feelings, process your pain. But mentees need need to to do those things, and emotional activities are powerful for their their health.