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De Fuckerby's trail points to the outer planets -- but before the crew can chase it, the Inquisition comes calling. Interrogator Landon settles onto the nicest couch the Debt Collector has ever seen, puts on Silent Hill music, and politely asks the party to justify every catastrophe since Episode 1. Meanwhile, Zedek buys five thousand dog soldiers with signed books, and Pi Brain keeps seeing a ghost in a nightgown that nobody else can.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: WH40K Wrath & Glory
Creators and Guests
Host
Guest
Guest
Guest
What is WarHams - Narrative Declaration?
WarHams! The TTRPG live play show set in the grim dark world of Warhammer 40,000. Follow us @NarrativeDeclaration on all social media!
Three, two, one, go!
Excellent. Sexy.
Okay, Chad, are you all ready for another exciting episode of War Homs?
It's so good to see everyone today.
Hello, everyone. Hope everyone's having a good time.
I'm going to make sure these buttons work, and the buttons didn't work.
It's all fucked.
It's literally broken.
God damn it.
All right, no Warhammer stream today.
Come on, Zorn, let's go to a better setting called Battle Tech.
Wow.
We've been...
There we go, I got the buttons to work.
That we've been addicted to playing a certain game.
So with that, hi, everybody.
Hope everyone's having a fantastic time.
Welcome to episode 23.
Hope everyone's nice and safe in their own homes.
Thurston, I hope you have a very interesting story for us today.
That sounds like a threat.
Okay.
Is it?
Fine.
I see what this is.
It's on the line.
You can't fuck it up this time.
No, we love you, Thurston.
By the way, just making sure.
Someone in chat was reporting that I was a little crackly.
Am I okay?
You sound good.
You're okay for me?
Good.
Making sure.
Continue.
You say that, and then he disappears.
There he goes.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
Oh, fuck it.
Continue.
We are out of the world.
Hello.
Hello.
Yeah.
Hello.
Hello.
We're all here.
We're all here.
Yeah.
The difficult technicals.
This is going to be a rough episode.
It's going to be great.
Fuck, man.
It's going to be the best episode yet.
I lost my audio codec for a second, and I had to reconnect.
Oh, no.
Jesus.
It was like, hey, sorry.
Your endpoint didn't work.
So try again.
It's like, all right.
Good.
Zoran's gremlins are responding to all of us, I guess, today.
Oh, my God.
Activated gremlin noises.
Technogoblins.
There's only one technogoblin.
That's true.
That's Pi.
I love him very much.
And he's here.
He does it.
He do.
He do.
So, uh, Zoran.
I gave you the reins.
I'm waiting on you.
I'm waiting on you.
I want to introduce you to Zoran.
Yeah.
We're doing it.
We're doing it.
We're doing it.
No, we usually sometimes
do a quick start.
Alright, alright, I'm breaking out the pills.
Alright, fine.
Apparently we're assuming after 23 episodes
you know who we all are and we're starting.
Jesus Christ.
We've done it multiple times.
And if you want to understand the pill game,
you can check out Warham's Fantasy.
God damn it.
You never miss a plug.
I told you, it's going to be a rough episode.
It's like we all
came off vacation for some reason
but we haven't taken a break.
We haven't.
Warham's Fantasy is a vacation from this.
That's right.
Wow.
We never should have plugged here.
You're in that game.
We love you, Hulky.
I know you love me.
I can't pet the dog, but I have a dog at home.
When you finally have a day off,
we need to have Hulky show up as some kind of scarecrow
that gets disintegrated or something.
Hulky will show up in that campaign as Carl Franz.
I'm going to shove you.
Please begin the game.
Alright, alright.
Welcome everyone to session 23 of Warham's.
Before we begin, I would like to thank our
dear servitors looking after the tater of tots.
Draconic Ballad,
Aevict the Gamer, JG Wentworth,
Austin Bonnard, and
El Berresidente.
You had to say JG Wentworth.
Berresidente.
I did, I did.
It's there, it's there.
It happened, hooray.
We have servitors.
Alright, beautiful.
Where are we starting this session?
Okay, folks.
Well, where we are starting is exactly
where we left off last session
in a tale of two forts
with red versus blue,
krut versus terrellians,
players versus players,
and
Captain Zedek and
Piebrain,
heavily mauled and beaten up
by a
krut narlok,
and then
Loren the Psyker
triumphantly flying down the tunnel
to score the point that,
capture that point to win the match.
And we begin
with both sides
coming to a peaceful accord.
The terrellians of the krut
shaking hands,
a few high fives,
or however many digits
the respective species have,
before departing as professionals,
leaving our four players
on the bridge of the two forts.
Pie having been dragged up
after his leg was severely mangled
by the narlok.
And we start with our group
all together,
all at once.
He was mangled.
Well, you know,
that was really nice
that they were enemies
and now they are friends.
It was a very pleasant phenomenon.
I agree.
It's good to be friends again.
I know.
We're such good friends.
I agree.
Give me a high five, Reeb.
Is Reeb like in a body cast?
Reeb is standing there.
He has a data slate in hand
and he is writing
a laundry list
of things.
He's writing down
he is writing down
expenditures for damaging his coat.
He's writing down
expenditures for damaging his armor.
He's writing down expenditures
for attacking a member
of the Ordo Xenos.
This was sanctioned combat.
He can't claim that.
He is just standing there
silently watching the two of them
making note that the plan
was to try and work with these guys
to get information.
And Pie took it as impetus
to blast him
with his son.
Reeb, I know you're upset,
but you know,
it was all in the thrill of the game.
And I set my pistol to tickle
so I wouldn't hurt,
I wouldn't actually kill you.
I wasn't trying to kill you.
Why would you be upset?
You won.
Thurston, can I,
what weapon check would I roll
to throw my pen
like a throwing knife
at Zedek's forehead?
Ballistic skills.
Please don't kill Zedek.
Yeah.
I get a four.
What's your defense?
Uh, my defense is,
she just got minimized
because I'm on two,
one screen now.
My defense is two.
Thurston?
Ahem.
Bonk.
He takes out another pen
and continues writing.
It, it, it splooshes
off of your forehead, Captain Zedek,
and into the water below.
You hear a distant growl
of Gnarlox.
Yeah, it's like,
I can't see you down there.
I'm gonna call you Daisy.
Hmm.
Daisy is a stupid name.
You should call him
Mechano-chicken.
It's not even mechanical.
It's a living thing.
Well, not yet,
but we can fix that.
Uh, we're not making expenditures
to purchase a Kroot Gnarlox.
Oh, what the?
Who's that we're gonna pay for?
You know how much stuff
we don't pay for already?
It was a worthy for-
Reba.
Okay.
Then both of you can go down
and collect it.
Okay.
I start crawling
with my broken leg.
Round two.
It's just the scraping
of like metal.
And as you start to,
to go, uh,
in your,
in your pride,
you hear this kind of
cawing from behind you
on the other side
of the ritual.
You have done well.
And emerging
is, uh,
the, the leader,
uh, of the Kroot,
who approaches towards you,
wearing this,
this grayish-black cloak,
clutching some kind of strange
Xenos weapon,
uh, and advancing with a,
with a bit of a limp,
given some of the, uh,
the rigors of combat
that just occurred.
This avian face coming,
looking at you through a cowl
of, of brown,
with streaks across it,
some sort of war marking.
Ah.
Good.
Mm-hmm.
I, uh,
thank you,
but I think you are talking to him.
They're talking,
they're talking to,
to Reap, I...
That's what I figured,
but I didn't know.
Reap is continuing to write,
but he will turn towards the Kroot.
Well,
Shaper,
I believe this is our first time properly meeting
outside of
the little battle we just had.
He's saying,
still not looking at the Kroot just yet,
still writing down.
Mm-hmm.
How did you find the battle to go?
I believe the fight went well.
There are corpses to be eaten
back in our fort.
And, like, behind,
you can hear the sounds of, like,
crunching and tearing of meat and bone.
But I have eaten enough.
My fellows need it more.
He takes a step forward,
kind of coming to the edge of the bridge
opposite you.
Butch,
I believe you wish to talk to me now
that you have completed mission.
And he,
sort of,
while clutching the rifle in one hand,
takes, like,
this claw-like,
talonous hand out and
slams on his chest,
I
am Shaper
Big.
Big?
Big.
Uh,
could you spell that for me,
GM?
B-I-G.
Good.
Big.
He do be kinda big, though.
He do be big, though.
He writes that down.
Well, I'm Shaper Big.
I suppose we do have some questions for you.
Lorne?
Yes?
Let's talk with a friend here for a moment.
Zedek,
Pie,
I believe you have words to discuss with your fellow,
don't you?
We do.
Hey, can you fix my leg?
He was going to look at Pie,
keeping his straight face.
No.
Why not?
Go on.
Limp off.
Zedek will sling Pie over his shoulders.
Come on.
This is not fair.
Why wouldn't you want to fix my leg?
We're on the same team now.
Pie, do not dig a deeper grave than we are digging right now.
But this is combat ineffective.
We'll get you some wheels.
We'll get some,
some rollerblades.
Wheels are for cataphrons,
not for skitari.
Very expensive.
Zedek and Pie will start to walk away,
but Zedek will look back at Karim and be like,
Ray,
we are sorry,
but please,
with the,
the Shaper,
be careful.
He is,
he is for the big.
Hey.
What?
You had to make that reference didn't you?
I had to.
I'm sorry.
You saw the Grand Canyon and he leapt for it.
Uh.
Very rude of Reeb not to fix my leg.
The two of you walk off leaving Lorne and Reeb with Shaper big.
What is it you wish to know?
We are currently looking for an individual.
Uh,
you may know his name.
It's rather unique.
Another human by the name of,
uh,
Slyburgo de Fuckaby.
In question,
similar to myself.
De Fuckerman.
Yes.
You see,
we are looking for him and we were looking for any information you could provide on him.
Seeing as how we assisted you with this battle and ensured that it went well and not many
on your side died,
but certainly a few on theirs did.
We were hoping you could furnish us with any and all information that you could about
Slyburgo de Fuckerman.
You see,
he is,
um,
how can I put this?
A wanted man for many things.
And a fucker.
A fucker.
Precisely.
Uh,
the,
the,
the Shaper,
like,
turns to Lorne and nods sagely at your addition.
Yes.
Very fucker.
Yes.
This,
this one,
this one used many words,
but would not pay the meat tithe.
Nobody's for us when he came.
No,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
椽
?
C
There,
looked like that, but bigger
and points to your flamer
rib.
Is this individual wearing
any sort of armor
similar to, he will put his
coat, he'll pull his coat open a little bit to show the light
power armor he has.
Yes, like
that. Yes, very much
like that.
Did she look like she was wearing a bowl
on her head as he sort of mimes having
a bowl haircut?
Hmm, yes.
I think
it was hard to
remember specifics.
She was always
firing fire.
Hmm.
Very good. Reble write down
potential sister of battle.
But
they came, they wanted
ship to ply stars.
Took one of
the surface shuttles.
They were interested in two
things.
And they were?
They wanted much fuel.
Enough to last
months in system.
And then they also went to
outer system. They wanted
to investigate far
planets from here.
Yes.
Did anything seem
odd about Mr. DeFuckerby
other than his demands?
Did he happen to have a
sort of, I don't know.
I don't know how well you can see these things,
but did he have any sort of aura
about him? Anything unusual
for a human?
Hmm.
Was strange.
After he needed
shuttle.
Hmm, don't know, but
all the colors went
to white.
Hmm.
Great panic here.
All teams had to re-evaluate.
All teams had to re-reinsert cards to claim
territory again.
Mass confusion.
That is when he left.
Lorn.
Does that sound familiar to anything you might know as a
psycher?
Can I do a check to see if I might recognize what that may be?
You can give me a psychic mastery test.
Lorn.
Excellent.
I will do so.
I got a seven.
That does not.
That does not.
sound like
that could be something but that would be
like either a mental change or
some kind of like reality altering
psychic power on a massive
scale it seems very
unlikely like a
baseline human psyker could
achieve those kind of results
not anything any simple
use of psychic powers could do
but once he
has something that he can do other
worldly things far beyond his own
power
that seems to be the consensus given everything
we've seen in his wake so far
I'd say Shaper Big you got off relatively
lightly compared to that
that is good
me and my war band
are wary of
that one but you
you have proven yourself
noble ally
and Shaper Big
reaches out the taloned arm in some
kind of like
handshake motion towards you
Reeb
real quick can I do a
scholar check using my knowledge
of Xenos stuff I guess in
this case maybe this isn't biological but
would I know anything about
anything to suggest that he's not just
giving me a handshake
give me a scholar check
how's a five and a complicate
sound
okay okay okay
let's let's find out what
this complication is because
that seems like it could be fun
um
okay
um I am going to
go with
yeah yeah yeah
um you you you recognize
that this is just like a
a from like a greeting of
like like a handshake like this is
a sign of respect
uh from from the shaper
to you
however the complication
is that
something you've forgotten about
either on the debt collector or here on
the planet
like hits you as you're having this
thought something like
oh oh I completely forgot about this
and your eyes go a bit wide I'll leave
it up to you to decide what that is
um but but it slightly like stuns you
for a moment
uh making you not immediately raise your
hand in return greeting
um
although you know I had given you
permission not to make an
appearance to get on this an
airport
except for some reason
I can still see the
sun
in the clouds
maybe that's something that
unter 58
yes corpse preservation
is important he like
leans in and gives you a nod and a
wink
yes quite
well this has been
very useful information and I'm
going to just go over my personal list
on this side which I think I've
gone over everything I wanted to ask him
oh wait no I did not
one more thing
did they say where they were heading
at all
out system far
planets they wanted to look at
the far planets
outer ring eh
far out
at least the fourth onwards
I see
well that certainly gives us
a direction at least
my thanks
they asked us to go with but we did not
well I can't imagine
they would have been all too thrilled
about your decline
now I have question
if I may be so
bold
Regal narrow his gaze and say
go ahead Xenos
hmm what would you do
with Penguin
I assume that is
your friend
that Captain Zedek has offered
as a job
yes the one you have
taken into your service
I see
I see
the plan is as with most people
we take on board to continue
to build a stockpile of individuals
for later use should the need arise
and it may be useful to have a Xenos
on the ship in such a format
provided of course it does not get into much trouble
bondage to you now
that one is yours
your captains
go ahead
we will make sure that he either lives
or dies well
good good good
there's like some some nodding
then I leave you
to your human affairs
we must return to
and then you just hear the sound of like more crunching
and like eating in the background
things
quiet
the Shaper turns and walks away
well Shaper big
before he leaves
is the Shaper wearing a hat
he's got like a cowl over his head
he's got a hat under it right
what
what
Zoran look at the art damn it
yeah
here here's the art again
yeah it looks like it looks like a hat
I want it
that's not a hat that's a skin
that's what that sounds like
it's his hair
I don't think Loren cares if it's a skin
are you gonna just scalp Shaper big
Zoran
I didn't get a reward for winning that match for him
I need to get something sick
your reward is not dying
it's like being pulped like Reeb almost once
you probably could have gotten him to work for us if you had
Zoran don't forget I tanked for you
and
I tanked for your weak bones
and
as you pull out
as you pull out the knife
even though this is a subterranean area
even though this is a subterranean installation
something falls from the sky above
and lands in front of you
huh
it's a crate
oh no fuck this joke
next bit
all right we go back
good job you pissed him off so much he gave up
that's right that's the that's the way you gotta handle it
all right so so cutting to uh to
Captain Zetek and Pybray do have gone
to the the Fort of the Tree of the Dead
Terrellians. Zedek, you're
holding Pi over your
shoulder.
And, you know, I just want to say that
that was so rude. He could have healed
my leg. Why is he so angry?
Pi, you nearly turned him
into nuclear slag. Admittedly,
I also shot him, but I didn't try to
kill him.
I thought that was the point. He was going to shoot me
with the flamethrower. It was an optimized
tactical solution.
No, we were actually going to
kill each other, and he couldn't have hit you
from up there with a flamer.
To be fair, I guess you have the excuse
of ignorance. I shot him out of malice.
Oh. Wait, wait.
Why was he not trying to kill us? It was a combat
simulation. Because
we weren't actually trying to kill each other.
It was theatrics, Pi.
Do you not know theatrics? What? No.
Oh, we don't have those.
Oh, Pi. As much as you must
teach me the ways of the Mechanicus, I must teach
you the art of theater.
It's the principal human
I think it's a principal human value
in this setting. I don't know anymore.
But I will teach you our ways.
But why would you pretend to fight
when you can just fight for real?
Because they're our friends, and we weren't
supposed to kill them.
Well, but, you know, it happens.
Sometimes it happens,
and when it happens, we have the Inquisition
breathing down our backs and possibly
killing us, too. Winston, I've
had artillery called on my position
before. What's the big deal?
What?
Why? Why did you have artillery
called upon you? Well, I mean, you know,
it was like, okay, advance here.
All right, you're good. All right, cool. Hold that position.
All right, we're gonna bombard
the planet. And then,
you know, I was there. We had to get out.
And then, you know, it happens.
So they told you to go somewhere, and then they
baited you into, essentially, a trap
to bombard you with the planet.
It sounds like they kind of tried to get rid of you.
Nah, they wouldn't do that.
I hope they wouldn't.
No, Lemuria. It's just Lemuria.
You have now walked through the
entirety of the fort, reaching the
control room at the bottom, having
gone down several stairs during this
conversation. And then you just
hear this, ah, hello, greetings,
welcome to the control room, excellent
attempt, boys.
From Pasha Terrier,
who greets you as you come down
to the control room.
Hi, Pasha.
I'm sorry things didn't go as planned, but
I guess not all of us died, so
and you didn't die, so it's
pretty good.
Yes, yes, yes.
It was quite an
impressive showing, I would say, although we
have not done the best that we were able.
Sadly, we were without our war beast for
this attempt, but next time, next time
our beast will be prepared.
There was supposed to be
a backup? I didn't know that.
Yes, yes, yes. The only problem
with our war beast was that it was shot five
times in the skull, sometimes prior to the
engagement.
These things happen. These things happen.
They do. Well, now that
the formalities are over with
the combat phase, I suppose we can
resolve and get to the business,
so to speak.
Now, while the factors of combat are all well and good
and essentially neither one of us would have
ultimately lost since we're both controlling
the refineries, I
did have a couple of questions for you, Pasha.
Of course, I am sometimes
willing to speak with losers about
these things once.
Hold on. Aren't you one of the losers?
Of course.
Yeah.
But you said that in like a kind of barbed way.
Well, yes, I don't like
associating with other losers when I can
you know, not have that happen.
You think we're losers?
Captain Zedek just stares on
and incredulely just like,
I may be stupid,
but...
Now hold on there, Buster.
I like you, Dogman,
but...
The person who beat you was on
our team and we only lost
because we were separated
and I had, you know,
people got mad at me for shooting
my friend and that's just, I don't
know why they do that. But listen!
Okay? You were beaten
by Team
Debt Collector.
Technically, we are also
part of that team, so in a way we're the win-losers.
Well, really we're the lose-winners
and they're the win-losers.
What kind of social skills do you have to influence
this fellow?
Well, I'm technically using
math to prove my point.
So clearly tech.
No.
I hate it here.
Well, Pi's Incredible Fellowship 1
is not the most persuasive thing in the world.
But I could try
leadership.
I mean, that sounds
interesting.
Let's put that a little bit.
Yeah, let's see it.
I'm going to spend two of glory on this.
Alright, we are draining the glory.
Absolutely, draining the glory.
For those watching at home.
That's going to be a grand total
of four successes
for Pi Brain!
Captain Zedek, are you assisting
at all in this?
No, I am not assisting Pi in this endeavor.
If he's going to make his grave, I'm not going
to lie in it with him.
Yes, of course, you certainly look like a
win-loser.
Then his eyes go
to your leg. Loser.
You know,
I really wish you didn't say that.
I'm going to get out
my plasma gun.
Okay, I'm going to look at it.
Absolutely.
Don't make
me, dog man.
Captain Zedek looks over at Pi and just
shoots him a glare that says
no without words.
Come on.
He's a sociopath.
Was there any doubt?
Oh, man.
Captain Zedek will look back at
Pasha.
Aside from our little
burgoining spat,
let's get back to the matter
at hand. The reason we're all
here in this installation is on the
trail of a very horrible
individual by the name of one
Slyburgo de Fuckerby, often
ending the epithet with 24th of his name.
Yes, Slyburgo de Fuckerby, the 24th of his name.
Someone from a proud lineage of your kind,
as far as I am aware of.
Allegedly so, but his lineage
has proven to be quite tainted as
our interactions with his.
Well, followers and those who he's
met in his wake have proven to be less
than desirable.
What do you know about Slyburgo?
He has passed through here before,
so we're just trying to kind of follow
where he's gone.
What social skill would you like
to give me, Captain Zedek?
I would like to make a cunning test,
since this would be acquiring goods,
services, and information outside of
traditional artificial channels.
Absolutely. Give me that
cunning, please.
Sure.
Any second.
A two! We're starting the session big.
Can I wrap that?
You absolutely can.
Absolutely can.
And a three. Yeah, that tracks.
This tracks.
Slyburgo and the fucker
spent some time with us and enjoying
some of our more amenable accommodations
whilst we prepared a shuttle for him
with which he intended to depart on.
And did he say where he was headed?
No, no, no, no, no.
Certainly we would not be able to give you
that information, given that it was given
in confidence. You must understand, we are
dog soldiers.
We are dog soldiers of the highest regard.
Ruff!
Right.
Dog soldiers of the highest regard.
I don't know your culture's customs,
so let me be straight with you.
I will pay you money to tell me
where he went.
Well, I see.
That makes a lot of sense.
How much money? Ruff!
Uh, let's see.
Captain Zedek didn't think he was actually going to
ask how much. He was just going to...
This is where he would make it.
Make an influence check to see if you have
enough.
I'm sure I do. I'm a rich man.
Road traders are rich men.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's got to be a three.
Nervous laughter.
All right. So first of all, are you happy
with that or would you like to reroll?
I'm not happy with what you just told me, so.
Excellent.
Wow.
Captain Zedek.
Please click that wrath reroll button.
Captain Zedek's wrath away in the first 30
minutes of the session.
Void!
Here we go. Five.
All right. So, uh, would you, uh, would you, uh,
would you be willing to spend too wealth to
successfully influence these, these fine people?
Ooh, that's a, that's a bit rich for my blood.
It's fair.
Hmm.
Yeah, fuck it. All right. I'll spend, I'll spend
the money.
Oh, Jesus.
I'm sure Zedek will make the money back later.
No, he won't.
It says somewhere in the book on page, I don't
know, 232 that you got to spend money to make
money. And sometimes you lose money spending
money to make money, but you'll eventually make
that money back by spending money.
Which book are you, what book are you saying
this is from?
It's clearly from Zedekit, my renowned self-help
and confidence building guide to navigating.
Wait.
And like his eyes, the pasha's eyes go wide.
Wait.
You are saying that you are the author of Zedekit's
wrath?
That is correct.
I've, I've published Zedekit in its numerous,
numerous revisions.
You see, all of my men require the book.
All of them.
I require all of your copies of the book, Worf.
That's, that will be the wealth with which you
provide me, Worf.
Because I assume a lot of Zedekit's actual wealth
is represented by printings of Zedekit.
If it's not in the cabin, it's probably in the
cargo hold.
So yes.
Sure.
I, I'd be happy to provide you copies of the
book.
Just sign them too?
Yes, my men would certainly appreciate it,
Worf.
Would you be willing to sign for all of my men,
Worf?
Of course.
I'd be happy to.
How many, how many are there?
25,618, Worf.
Take 15 wounds.
Zedek is down.
Zedek, Zedek collapsed.
That's all of your shock.
You're exhausted.
That's certainly shocking.
Does the voxel work?
Does the vox, do we still have the vox beads from
our previous, uh, previous departure into the
carillon?
No, no, because you didn't set up your weird
servitor relay bullshit this time.
Zedek will pull out a recorder from his jacket
and click the record button.
I love that you're doing this while holding
Pi.
I'm just kind of like, I'm like, my legs are
draped over his shoulders.
I'm like riding him.
Like, it's like Master Blaster.
Oh my god.
Mecha Shiva.
Mecha Shiva.
Zedek, here's a really good idea for the future.
You can have the regular printing press that produces,
you know, regular Zedek kits, and then you can have
the specialty press, the one that produces signed
copies of Zedek kit.
It's genius.
I mean, that was part of my solution.
I just assume he has a bunch of ratlings who are
making his signature.
Oh no, I wouldn't trust the ratlings with something
that important.
Zedek, I want to point something out to you.
You may have used that line before, the one where you
have to sometimes spend money to make money, and in the
course of spending money, you might lose money.
That whole bit you did there, while you were saying that,
you swear you could hear Reeb in the back of your head
saying, Zedek, that's gambling.
And his gambling is legal on the debt collector.
And because I'm a road trader, nananaboo boo.
Where's his casino?
Well, well then, what, what exactly information are you
looking for with regarding to Slab?
Slab, I'm going to fuck him up.
Well, we, first of all, where is he?
Did he say where he was going off to?
We're looking for anything that we can find to locate him.
It's critically important to the survival of, well,
everybody, I think, with everything we found out about him.
Well, of course, he's, he's requisitioning a shuttle from
the, uh, the deplorable Coutts, where I believe he was
indicating that he was planning on beginning his journey out
by Fimbria for...
Fimbria for...
Did he mention why he was going to Fimbria for?
Apparently, he said to find riches and points, Wolf.
Motherfucker, it was always about his points.
Don't worry, Pie, we'll get his points.
We'll kill him and take his points.
Yes.
Ah, ah, this, this points system seems nebulous to me.
Is this some sort of situation where if you kill him,
you claim his points, Wolf?
Oh, actually, I don't even know.
Does it work that way?
Whatever.
Captain Zedek will, like, drop Pie down and cover his
audio cogitators and just tell the Turalyon dog soldier,
look, no, the points don't actually matter.
Only he cares about them.
But I'm not going to get in the way of him and the points
if it's me at the end of a sword.
Just act like they're important.
He nods.
Of course, you must do everything you can to claim those points,
bro.
I will not question the conspicuous silence.
Yes, we must.
Well, then, I believe you must travel out.
He said he would begin near Fimbria IV.
Perhaps you could find some clues around there.
Wolf, I apologize.
We do not have additional information for you at this time,
but know that you have made a powerful ally in the Turalyon dog soldiers
of my command and that I, Pasha Terrier,
will stand ready to fight you in the moment of need.
Fight us or fight for us?
Fight with you, Wolf.
Okay, good.
I wanted to make sure.
Yeah, we are actually wondering,
you guys want to hang out with us?
There's always more room on the deck collector,
and there's plenty of things you could train against and hunt.
There's horrible things that need hunting in the lower decks.
Oh, yeah.
I can show you all the places I hunt in the lower decks.
Pai, what do you mean by that?
What do you mean?
All right.
You're going to have to stop having a stroke.
You are going to have to have some kind of social skill
if you want to convince this dog soldier, Pasha,
to give up his lucrative, lucrative job here on Fimbria II
to travel off to the debt collector for nebulous circumstances.
What skill are you wanting to use for this?
Persuasion.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Real, real quick.
Well, no, no, no.
Persuasion.
Okay.
Okay.
This is going to be a real tough.
Like, this is like you're trying to get a small army,
so this is important here.
Yes, that is correct.
All right.
Give me your persuasion.
Can I assist him with intimidation?
Not necessarily to scare him, but to showcase my power.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure, sure, sure.
But let's start with the persuasion.
Can we also spend, like, five hours?
Can we spend, like, five glory on this?
Yes.
Yeah, take it.
Believe you.
All right.
Here we go.
Let's give him that roll first.
Persuasion.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's see what happens.
Here it comes.
Here it comes.
Here it comes.
As soon as my eyes line up.
I believe in you.
It's a two to start.
Oh, that's a two.
It's okay.
Like, you're concentrating so hard.
Like I said, I have to wait for my eyes to align.
There's just six.
And we'll keep going.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Ow.
Oh, crap.
Oh.
I'll do that.
I'll do the dice first.
Okay.
Okay.
5d6.
5d6.
Those are all.
Not that good.
Well, you get nine.
Three more.
You're up to nine.
And we'll wait forever.
You do have your wrath points back.
I would love to wrath this.
So you can reroll four dice.
Sure.
The last one being the important one.
All right.
Six, here they come.
Ah!
Ten, eleven, twelve, fourteen.
Thirteen, I believe.
Yeah, thirteen, yep.
That's thirteen.
As you see,
being on this planet
is made by Boris little bit
soft. I believe
that we could perhaps
get a better situation
aboard your vessel, but I couldn't
possibly bring all of my lads onto
your ship, as there are
twenty-six thousand, as I
previously stated.
Oof. Perhaps
a contingent, perhaps a group of
five thousand of us could attend
to your vessel. Oof.
This would be perfectly fine. Do any of your
fellow men,
are they versed in
mechanics, engineering, or
just combat? Just combat.
That's fine. Oh, we're good at.
Well, that's alright.
I mean, that's fine.
For the Ormanials to send in the tech guts.
What did you just say?
Oof.
Look, we're having
some people who want to
not be combat on the ship,
so we need someone to whip them into shape,
so to speak. And who better to motivate them
than accomplished soldiers of your
pedigree?
Of course, of course.
And if they don't want to be shaped up,
I suppose you can hunt them down.
Alright then, let us be on our way.
Why did I say that? Why am I okay with this?
You know,
another thing that is pretty cool is that
soon there's going to be a giant crew
side fleet with a bunch of money
and tall people
and they could
possibly employ the rest of your friends
and pay you even bigger
money.
Alright, so
I'm going to just cut forward
back to Reeb and Lorne who are on the bridge
having talked to the Shaper Big.
And then,
clearly after the conversations that have just happened,
Captain Zedek comes out
with pie on his
shoulders.
Hello, we're back.
We did a thing.
Hi, Reeb! Fix my leg!
Can Lorne and
Reeb give me awareness
tests, please? I make a psychic
mastery.
Lorne got a five.
Reeb, get a six.
So like, as
Zedek says this, we did a thing.
You hear the sound of marching
coming from the fort.
As
hundreds of Torelli and Tox
soldiers begin to walk out behind
Captain Zedek.
Thousands even.
Well, hundreds from here. They're scattered
around the planet, you know.
True.
He has a straight line
across his mouth right now.
We got friends!
Did we need them?
Yes.
But what?
Gun.
Gun good.
Remember, we were to acquire
resources for the crusade.
And they are resources, because they can
fight and kill.
Yes, but what did you pay them with?
Zedekit.
I hated it.
Twenty-five thousand signed copies.
Reeb, I'm going to need you to
augment my hand.
I'll tell you what, Captain. We don't have the resources
for that, but I'll treat your carpal tunnel.
This is acceptable.
You may stay on the ship.
So how many crew
did you guys get?
None, because we're not hiring them.
Why not?
Because we're here for information, Pi.
Yeah, but the crusade.
It's a big reason why we're here.
Oh, also the conspiracy.
Yeah, people like that book.
We have millions of copies in storage.
But the conspiracy
is going to be solved with information,
which we're acquiring from people,
not Turalyon dog soldiers.
Well, correct.
Turalyon dog soldiers can solve the conspiracy
after we get the information.
No, they can't. That's not how that works.
Well, no. Once we get the information,
we solve it by attacking the conspiracy.
It's not how solving a conspiracy works.
What?
No, you find the information, and then you
confront whoever's behind
the conspiracy, and then
maybe you kill them.
Exactly. That's the second part.
You don't attack...
You can't attack a metaphysical concept, Pi.
Even I know that.
You can't do it!
I bet you will. I bet you will, Pi.
Oh, Columbia!
Shut up.
How are all of you doing?
Great and tiny goblin.
As Tobias comes out from the, uh, the...
the Kurt Fort.
I thought I'd come and see how things were going.
Things are going, Tobias.
Times are pretty great, yeah.
That's, uh, that's a lot of Turalyon components.
What are you doing with them?
Oh, we have just achieved them.
What?
Mm, yes.
He's hired them.
What?
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Poitier Terrio.
Is this true?
Uh, y-y-yes, yes.
I believe it's, uh,
it means some of my...
my men, uh, move...
move on, you see.
Oh!
Oh, wee-wee!
Cheating at the plasma gun, pointing it at the child.
Okay.
Wait, no time!
Don't you move a muscle, tiny man!
Pi, we don't need to shoot him.
He's gonna shoot him! That's what he's gonna do, he always...
I mean, he's probably gonna give him a severance notice,
whether that's a piece of paper or the end of a gun, I don't know.
Listen, if I were him, I would shoot them, and I'm not him, but I'm me.
But you're not him, because he's the one who oversees the installation.
That's right, and he's gonna do the smart thing.
I'm going to take the plasma gun...
Take the plasma gun out of Pi's hands, please.
What's Lorne doing, like, during all of this?
Lorne will come over to Pi Brain.
Alright, let's wait a moment, Pi.
And Lorne will kind of take his hand, kind of push the gun down.
Let's hear what he has to say first.
But I'm great with kids.
Piers, Piers, do you have any objection to this?
Oh!
Oh, I am so glad that you asked my opinion!
You see, these components belong in the installation.
Taking them would be a grave offense.
I am not sure if I like that.
Are they owned by the installation, or are they part of the installation by they volunteered to be here?
Well, nobody volunteers to be here.
They are paid to do their component job.
And they are quitting their job, because they are going to be paid as well.
I have had a lot of people quit their jobs on my ship, and they take their business elsewhere.
Sometimes on a planet, sometimes at the airlock.
It really depends on the person.
Alright, then.
But, if you require some level of recompense or a favor owed, I am happy to oblige, as we are...
Well, hiring some of your workers.
I would require replacement components.
We may be able to solve that.
But we'll pin you in for an IOU, since we do have others to recruit.
Oh, for the love of...
Vedek, don't forget.
We need these forces for the Crusade.
If we're just dropping off more men, then we're not gaining anything.
Exactly, which is why I'm not going to give him our men.
Hmm. What do you have in mind?
Hmm.
I have an idea.
Yes.
Do you make it a habit to speak your plans out loud?
Only sometimes.
I'm afraid he was looking at Tobias, who is presumably listening to everything that Zedek has been saying just now.
Tobias just has a little smile on his face.
Presumably.
The childlike, like, robed figure just smiling at you.
Arms tucked in the folds of the robe.
Tobias, I have a genuine question here.
No.
No.
Yes?
No.
Who runs this facility, specifically?
What do you mean?
The one, not necessarily the family, but who is the overseer.
Who is the one who is fully in charge of the station.
Are you the overseer of the station, or are you a component?
No, I am only the third oldest here.
Hmm.
Who is the eldest?
I believe they are on the other side of the planet.
That would be Elma.
I see.
Captain, before we go purloining someone else's materials, perhaps we should pay a visit to the person who owns the installation, hmm?
There is no ownership here.
We mainly maintain the installation.
On whose behalf?
On behalf of the planet of Fimpria Majoris.
Hmm.
Now, if you do this, you may take these components, but I will remember that.
What if I were to offer you something that you could not get anywhere else?
Like what?
Like a Zeticle pullout, yet another innocuous item from his coat pocket, like a small data slate.
Uh...
2000 first edition runs of Zetiquette, including page gilding and signature?
It also comes with a small Zetik standee.
Thurston, I would like to roll to Sy.
You don't have to roll for that.
Tobias's head cocks lightly.
Who the fuck do you think I am?
Somebody who knows how to appreciate a good book.
I would like to roll Persuasion.
I hate you so much.
I hate myself, I have to cry.
I really like how you thought, oh yeah, we'll hire the dog soldiers.
There will be no repercussions for this action.
Well, well, well, but this isn't the consequences of my own actions.
If it wasn't for the consequences of my thick ass.
That's true.
Somebody wants to be shot with tickle mode again.
This is the player saying it, not Reeb.
I'm on to you, player of Reeb.
Fire away on the Persuasion check.
Alright, I'm gonna get a one and a complication.
You better figure this out.
A five and a complication.
Jesus Christ.
That's pretty good.
Okay.
Okay.
Excellent.
He calls him an idiot.
He calls him an idiot.
Okay.
Okay.
So I'm figuring out, I'm figuring out the complication real.
All right.
Here we go.
This is the, this is the complication.
Captain Zedek, you, you, this is, uh,
Commodum Nocet by Shimoloa.
Thank you, patron.
Uh, the complication is the PC succeeds regardless of their action, but is also knocked prone
by the force of their conviction.
So I want you to give a rousing speech that, that convinces poor Tobias to give up his
components, but it's so passionate you fall on your ass.
Well, you see, you see, Tobias, Zedek, it has helped countless Imperials out known space
here.
It has changed the lives of so many for the better to teach them to live like the most
accomplished and important person slash road trader that there has ever been in this local
millennia.
Me, Captain Zedek, DF Masca Dolce.
In fact, I have spread the Creed of Zedek and thus the Imperial truth to countless worlds
across the Imperium and beyond, because I am so dedicated to making people cage their
lives.
Occasionally, Xenos who think like us, mostly the ones who don't want to kill us, that they
can be the best they can and truly nobody else can be like them because somebody else
can do the hard work for them.
I am all about that.
I'm about self-help.
And you know what?
I know you understand that too.
That book teaches you how to manage your components so they do never actually want to be hired
by other people.
How to inspire confidence, security, and fear in those who work under you.
To achieve new heights you have not previously realized.
In fact, all of my workers know it because I really do not know how to do my job sometimes,
but I play it off like I do because that's the kind of man and road trader I am.
I am Captain DF motherfucking Masca Dolce and I approve this book.
So please, you want this.
I know you want this.
So take these fucking signed copies because they're worth more than probably crowns.
I also want to say that clearly that entire speech is just the back copy on the book.
Yeah.
Are you reading?
I'd like to make a distinction that only certain editions have a back copy that is
twice the length of the front cover.
Very good.
That makes them valuable.
They're also quick points.
And with that you slip.
And fall on the side of the bridge.
Now do you see what I mean?
Am I finally getting through?
You're on top of me.
I'll just take the books and get the fuck off my planet.
Sounds good.
Excellent.
I'm glad he said it for a move.
His back signed from pie.
All the Turalyans are like golf clapping.
This is pretty good, boss.
Awesome.
Uh huh.
Okay, Tobias.
Well, it was a lot of fun.
I hope next time we come your planet is less of a shithole.
Okay.
Goodbye.
Please leave.
Okay.
We're leaving.
Better bury me.
I'm underground.
There's no ground here.
You can't be under it.
Ah!
Tasha.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Tasha Terry.
Sorry.
Tasha Terry comes up.
I shall begin preparing my men for embarkation.
We don't have any shuttles that we own, but we can utilize some of them to ferry men back
and forth up to your vessel.
Will you have lodgings and accommodations prepared for us?
Of course there are.
You'll proceed along the concourse marked on the ship by the yellow line.
You'll take that to our resource officer.
He will give you what you need and find your accommodations for you
If they are not to your liking, I am sorry
But we will improve them over the next month
All right, I shall prepare the men
And allow you to head back to your vessel to make the necessary preparations
Wonderful doing business, and welcome to the debt collector
That's an interesting name for a vessel
I look forward to collecting debts and making money
Yes, you are a man
You are a dog soldier who has read Zetik, and I appreciate you
There is a salute, and the dog soldiers walk off
Zetik will salute back and turn back to the party
That went well, I think
Pai, what do you think, just slung over Zetik's shoulder still?
I think it went pretty good
I mean, you know, sometimes word fighting is better than physical fighting
Also, I just realized, for a ship called the Debt Collector
We really don't collect a lot of debts, we mostly just owe money
We mostly incur the debts, yes
Yeah, yeah
There was that one time we collected that planet's debt
It was very violent, but it was very fun
Oh, we should do that again
We will, I'm sure we will
And then we never did it again, Captain
Now we're just owing debts to everyone
Yeah, well, we didn't have a renegade planet full of very bad people
For very bad things that we didn't have to completely exterminate
That's right, we do still need to shoot a conspiracy
Captain, perhaps you should start worrying
About collecting debts rather than making them for yourself
It's a very easy thing to do
This was a very balanced transaction, Reeb
I lost some copies of Zetiket, sold some copies of Zetiket
And gained 5,000 dog soldiers
So I call it a win
Captain, can we afford food?
There are menials on the ship
And there are court starch production plants
We can afford to feed them
Captain
Can we afford to maintain medical upkeep?
Can we do anything?
Or did you just blow it all on dog soldiers?
No, we didn't really lose anything in that transaction
And yes, we can afford the upkeep
I intend to fix that when we get back to the ship
I think you'll find my solution desirable
And worse to worse, we can just get a bigger ship
No, we can't
We can't do that
We cannot do that, Pi
This is our ship and we cannot make it bigger
Why can't we?
It's very expensive
Well, I mean, how much?
Much money
If we pool our money
I don't make enough to get a ship this big
Not yet
Do you make enough to get this kind of ship?
I am mostly paid in, uh
Well, I'm not really paid
Lorne, how much are you paid?
I don't get paid
This is like the modern equivalent of people talking about owning a house
It's like four friends, three of them are like, I can't afford anything
And the fourth is like, I inherited mine
Yeah
Yeah, it is like that, isn't it?
Oh, man
Too real
Too fucking real
Why don't we, uh
This conversation carries on
You got avocado toast, Zedek
How else do you expect me to maintain my complexion?
This conversation carries on until you get back to the shuttle
Reaching the silo where the Arvis later awaits you
And you have communications back to the debt collector
As you can head back into orbit
Good
I assume you are letting the, uh, the servitor do the auto-piloting for you
And all of you are kind of sitting in the shuttle it takes off
And you hear the, the crackle of Vox connection to the debt collector
Should you wish to send a message
Of course
Uh, is this thing on? Hello?
Captain!
Oh, handsome!
Captain, it's good, it's good to hear you're fine, sir!
Captain, it's good to hear you're fine, sir!
It's good to hear yours too, better than the horrible people who we've had the displeasure of meeting
But we'll never meet again because we're banned
But point being, uh, we are coming back to the ship
Everything went fine
Uh, we've secured some material refineries and mining resources for the crusade
And we've gained some more crew
Oh
Oh, I see
That's, that's, that's great, Captain
Captain?
Yes, isn't it?
I do expect them to be treated with respect
Mostly because I fear them
And I don't want, I don't actually want the menials to be eaten
Are they, are they combatants, Captain?
No, they are, well, yes, they are combatants
But they're not enemy combatants
They're, they're working with us under contract
I don't, I, get this, I literally paid them in Zetiket
Do you, can you believe that?
Are you kidding me?
They actually took it as payment, it's great
Wow
You kept them in Zetiket?
I kept saying you dreamed of that plan working one day
And look at you, now it's working
Oh, my little Zetik's growing up
Oh, you can call me that anymore
I'm a grown-ass man
That's fair, that's my apologies
But, well, anyways, Captain
I just want to say that, um
We really need some combatants right now
Is there something going on on the ship?
Well, I don't know exactly what's happening
But, there are some problems in the Lower Decks right now
Define problems, Ransom
Some, some of the crew down there have taken some unscheduled holidays
Again?
Several days worth of unscheduled holidays, sir
Ah, so it's that kind of holiday
It's the, uh, holiday on Catachan, as it were
Well, sir, I believe the
The various tribes down there have just reached a point of unruliness
Where we can't contain them anymore
Who's winning?
None of them
They just keep beating themselves into nothingness
As they are always wont to do, of course
Well, I was thinking if we could hire some mercenaries
We could have them clear the Lower Decks
We can, actually
We have five thousand
Training exercise?
Then we'd get some more corpse starch
Which we're desperately low on
That, that is true
We haven't had a lot of people horribly die since we've left
Which is kind of strange, all things considered
But, with that being said
We do have five thousand dog soldiers about to board the ship
Five, five, five, five thousand, sir?
Yes, five thousand
And we have another twenty thousand down on the planet
But they're not coming with us
They're just in the wings
That's, that's a, that's a quarter of our crew
Sir, sir, we will, we'll definitely need more corpse starch
If we're bringing on that many souls
You are, you are absolutely correct
And that is why we are investing in better food production
I've already reached out in several channels to
Create some new food production measures on the debt collector
Of course, the upper staff is taken care of
Though the menials and anybody lower than the commanding
Officers will need some other form of food
But, I know
Ninety-nine percent of the crew
We have, we have contracted several food providers
Beyond the Rattlings to set up shop, so to speak
In the main concourse
And be affordable, too
This, of course, will come at cost to our finances
But I'm sure we can recoup the losses and write it off
Captain
Yes
Can we please invest in food?
Yes, please invest in food
Can we please invest in an accountant?
That's a very good idea
Rabe Van Horn, how would you like to be my accountant?
Uh, can I roll a scholar to see if I'd be any good at that?
Absolutely
Okay, I'm gonna take the two glory that's in the pool
This is an important test
Oh, damn
You're pulling double duty
Yeah
Well, that four kind of sucks, so I'm gonna re-roll it
Do it
Okay, do that wrath point
That's a six
Can I wrath it again?
Nope
You, you, you could, like, do passable accounting, for sure
Passable is acceptable on the deck collector
Passable is, uh, that's considered to be specialist on this crew
And in most of the Imperium and Administratum
The Arvis pulls in and docks
The valk's kind of clicking out as you have, like, conned through the atmospheric envelope of the ship
of the ship and landed in the docking
bay.
Very well then, Captain, I suppose I will be your
accountant from here forward, among other
things on this ship.
Thank you. I appreciate you taking up that
offer. I wouldn't trust anybody else to do it.
I'm going to ask you
one very important thing. Okay. Because I
know how you handle Gamu's notices.
If I find out that
you're ignoring my notices, I
will have you know there will be hell to pay.
Unlike with Gamu, who's content to sit
in her little container down there.
There will be repercussions for ignoring your
accountant. I would also
pay for ignoring you because you'll keep
me from dying, and that's more important
to me than the expenditures on
the ship. So, I have
thought of a contingency.
Oh my god.
And Zedek will reach over
to the nearest comms unit once they disembark from the
Arvis. Yeah.
Attention!
Attention crew members! Please
send the taxman
not the shooty kind, especially
not the shooty kind, that is the full name
to the main
loading bay. Thank you.
Terrific.
Hang it up.
I've taken the liberty
of giving you a staff because
I'm very bad at my finances, so I've asked
several people to
start learning the book smarts
from the various books that I have. It's part
of my father's collection.
And see what we can do about it.
Captain, you've had an accounting team on this ship,
the whole time? No.
I have not. I have just told them to start
learning how to be accountants.
Oh, for goodness sake. Alright.
Very well. Zedek queued up in his
research tab. Oh, shit!
And then Reeb will immediately start running
towards the medbay.
Again.
Oh, Zedek, run
back, too, because I, my leg, my leg.
My leg?
My leg!
I can't run
with you on my shoulders. You're like,
a million pounds.
Well, okay, then we need to talk about
upgrades. I can assist
you. From the
shadows emerges the
immense bulk of
Gamu-4224
mechadendrites moving
around as she comes out.
Ah,
my brain, it appears you are
broken. I can
fix you.
I don't think that
will be necessary.
Black Priest Gamu-4224.
Pie, why don't you get up and tell her that to her face?
Yeah! Zedek will set him down his legs.
Like, imagine that he's holding him.
It's very hard, because Zedek only has a strength of two.
Fucking dick.
But, he's like,
spinning his legs like a duck being held aloft.
As soon as he gets set down, what happens?
Pie immediately
leg damage, reverse disabled.
I mean,
you could give me a...
Oh, gosh.
Yeah, I'm trying to stand up on one leg and balance.
Hop, hop, hop.
Yeah,
give me an athletics test,
sure. Sure.
Six successes.
You're hopping on one leg
defiantly. He doesn't. That's my boy.
He doesn't.
Sweat Tim. Thank you, Erindil.
I'm glad you came. Ah, yes, I am sure
the one-legged master of
Lemuria would inspire dread
in his foes.
Well, Gamu, the fact I do
not inspire dread in you,
is a deficiency of your mental
engrams.
But don't worry,
I will correct it
one day.
Oh, perhaps it will take two days
because you'll have to walk slowly.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Once you realize you need another
leg, you will come and see me.
Don't worry, I have the unit
all prepared. She pulls a
box out from the, like,
the filing cabinet that
is her base, uh, and, like,
opens it and there's pneumatic hiss and, like,
venting steam comes out.
And you see this pristine
new augmentic leg
with the rune and sigil
of Maiden Grya along the
side of it, acid-etched.
Look at it! It's so
beautiful!
Hmm. Well,
I admit it is fine.
Except for that terrible
sigil at the top.
When you come crawling
to me to install
Ha, ha, ha, crawling to me
to install it, I'll be
waiting. She closes the
case and, like, moves off.
Out of
character, Thurston, please don't make me
freehand a very tiny Grya symbol on
Pi's leg. Very good.
Very good.
Okay!
It is time for me to create
my own leg!
Lorne will come up to
Pi. Yeah, Pi, I'll
help you.
And Lorne will offer a shoulder for Pi
to go on. You go take care of your crew,
if need be.
I probably should check on the
not-killy taxman. That is totally their name.
Thank you,
Lorne. You are the person I wanted
to shoot the least.
Of course.
Where is your workshop,
Piper? Well, we got to
go to Reeb and see if he can fix
it, and if he cannot, then I will...
Reeb did say no.
Well, he said no, but...
Pass certain parts of the debt
collector to get to your workshop, correct?
Ah, well, you know, there
is a workshop that I have, yes.
It is located
on the most optimal subsection.
It is the one that is very
high up. It's on the top floor
because I like to be tall.
Oh, I see. It's usually the ones
near, like, some burning furnace.
Right? Yes, it is
nearby the giant
chasm. Oh.
You really got to change your office space.
Well, the giant chasm is a
defensive measure.
Oh, you're walking as this is going on.
When you get on one of the
escalators that, like, clear
horizontal escalators like they have in airports
that just, like, has staff
only, as you see hundreds
of menials, like, trudging
along beside while you're enjoying
this escalator that's
zooming you past everyone.
I'm saying, so
we're walking over and I assume
I look over to Piebrain
and we're just stopping
where we are currently.
And I go, are you shy
for what you did, Piebrain?
Why would I be sorry? It was
the heat of the moment.
It was GG.
Do you understand what
a companion is,
Piebrain? Yes!
They define it for me.
A companion is
a...
Well, it is someone that helps
you and is
around with you.
Like, no, liking optional.
A companion is someone
nearby you that helps you do
things for a long
time. Did you help your friend,
Piebrain, help your companion?
Yes.
Define to me how you did.
Well, we fought
for the lizards to
help make, um, a
good thing happen and not a bad thing.
That doesn't
sound like a guy, Piebrain.
I...
Hey, hold on a second!
Now, I
am very glad that Reeb is
okay, but it was
combat. You would have killed
me with the molten beam, no doubt.
I wouldn't,
Piebrain, because you're a companion.
Armed.
And the things you learn in the heat
of battle, then, who require
friends to help you out?
And the things I feel
that we can help you learn
all of your
machinery that drives you
is to how to better work
with your friends.
I'll ask again.
And I look down at the chasm of the
burning furnace below us
as I'm carrying Piebrain.
And you come around
the area to this section that
is very clearly, like, covered
in wall-like
wall plaques that
have corkboard and, like,
conspiracy webs and purity
seals all over them.
And the glow of the furnaces is
just coming from, like, and
illuminating the area.
Mm-hmm.
I consider you a friend, Piebrain.
Yeah!
And I am very disappointed.
Excellent.
Nice!
Stop.
Gonna have to work together for Piebrain.
I know.
We are working.
We are on the good team.
You have to understand everyone's
going to be very suspicious of you
with those actions.
I'm going to give you a chance.
I'm going to help sit him down where
he's at and kind of scoot over, like,
a box of, you know, scraps of stuff
or whatever they can use to get his
legs, you know, with his excellent
tech checks.
Mm-hmm.
I, I will believe you.
Hopefully, Reeb can believe more into
you, given after the actions you just did.
But I hope that your superior, superior
forge world findings will allow you to
learn exactly how to work better with
us, Piebrain, and how to enhance companionship.
But I work well with you guys all the time.
It was just the one time when I shot him in the head.
We can't have a repeat of that.
Well, I'm not going to shoot him in the head
for no reason.
He set me on fire on the bridge, and you
didn't have a conversation with him about that.
Give me a will, uh, check, please.
Willpower check.
Who?
Pie.
Ah!
Do-do-do-do!
Alrighty then.
Here we go.
That was way too many dice.
It should only be
four.
Um.
But damn, you're-
Yeah, my willpower is not set.
Intense willpower.
No, I think that's from, uh, when it was
bumped up with, uh, Glory at one point.
Um, if we're going by the first four, then it would be two, four.
It'd be six successes.
You feel like the warp has corrupted your role.
Fair enough.
Complication.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
All right.
Um, at this point, as you say this, we're going to use, uh, Solar Aura's Optic Sensor
Error.
You start, like, as- as you- as you talk about the bridge, there's, like, a short end, and
behind- behind Lauren, as you're- you're having this- this moment, you see a figure standing
there.
Um.
Um.
Like, staring at you, and it appears to be, like, a- a- a wizened old man who's- who's
just- just looking at you, uh, and, like, wears what can only be described as, like, some
kind of bed, like- like, night- nightwear.
He has an Augmatic and a, like, thick necklace, but this old man is looking at you and pointing
at you.
And you're- you're just, like, having- having, like, these- these visions that are, like,
appearing behind Lauren as you're talking, and then they kind of startle you as they
come into focus.
Ah!
Who is the old man with the robo-arm?
You see, this is why we have a problem, Firebrain.
You keep seeing things that aren't there, impulsing on things.
We have to work on it.
Wait, what am I seeing that is not there?
I don't know.
There's- there's nothing, Firebrain.
Yeah.
Go ahead and fix yourself, and hopefully take this time to learn what you have, uh, of what
you've done.
See?
Use your logic circuit.
I always am using my logic circuits!
As if you- if it happens again, you're gonna have to call Gamu.
Yeah, what are you gonna do to Gam- what's Gamu gonna do?
Hopefully fix you.
Lauren will leave, closing the door, heading back and heading up the bridge, wherever.
And- and as- as Lauren leaves, you are left alone with the old man in the nightgown staring
at you, Firebrain.
And, uh, who are you?
And the old man just raises up a single finger to his closed lips.
Ah, you.
Um, no, I point at his necklace.
And, uh, with that, we cut back to the bridge with, uh, with Captain- Captain Zedek.
I'm sorry, Thurston, we- I have a really good chat comment.
Stan Lee cameo.
Oh no.
I think you're sorry.
I think you're sorry.
I'm sorry, Thurston.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
we have to get it out of the way
captain zedek you have you have arrived on the bridge lieutenant ransom
stands to attention as do the crews you enter captain we're underway and we're getting ready
to accept our new combatants on board however we'll have to make way to leave orbit shortly
after we take them on board
and is this a problem well we've received a summon sir planetary governor zlensk has
requested us well demanded us to return back to fimbria majoris
there is a there is a crusade
top priority mission he needs us to accomplish
what does he need us to do
it
it
the seal of the primarch sir
okay i guess we'll have to go back to the shitty planet with the shitty governor
correct but it seems important okay we'll go back to fimbria majoris i guess
and ransom yes sir with risk with respect to the
onboarding process just just treat them nice and make it seem like it's not a shit show
i was thinking we could just have them kill most of the tribes down there
clean up some real estate i mean i guess they can if you cannot kill all of them that would
also be fine i don't want to have that blood on my hands i mean we need the corpse search sir and
it's got to come from somewhere look just talk to talk to the new uh accounting team and have
them budget something so we can get some more food stuff to do and then we can go back to the
actually talk to them yes but reach out uh there's a problem what do you mean there's a yet
another problem ransom the accounting team sir they haven't reported in why they reported in
ransom i don't know sir they've apparently disappeared of course they have of course
they also disappeared like the rest of the working staff on the ship okay well they're
going into the corpse starch factory so that's fine
we'll assume they're dead too very good sir find a find another team who is competent enough to
at least read and do basic math and then have them learn accounting and make them learn accounting
if they want to live well well sir there's there's there's another option which is well
sir the child we are not teaching him to be an accountant i would spare him of worse
fate than death than to be an accountant understood sir
uh we cut back to to reed in the medical bay having rushed back in
oh thank goodness i did unplug that good good
ah he's going to lightly and there's like the the sounds of just your machinery like the
kind of like chimes and pneumatic hisses making it very calm and
linear ah good good good he's going to slap the side of the uh the medical station that
the tech priest is interred into good good good i thought i'd forgot about that but no
i'm not incompetent i didn't forget i'm just too competent and i forgot about it that's the
real problem anyway yes you would never forget about anything now would you reeb van horn
oh
reeb is going to
who look up for a moment and turn towards the source of the noise.
Stepping out from a side room
enters a figure you recognize,
a figure bedecked in metal armor
with an overcoat, a hooded overcoat,
made of fine leathers.
In one hand, he carries a spiked mace,
and in the other, an immense shield dangling with xeno-skulls.
You recognize the interrogator subordinate
of your Inquisitor,
Interrogator Landon.
Agents Rip Van Horn,
it has been some time.
Well, hello, Landon.
It has been some time, hasn't it?
I guess it has.
I have come to check in on you
and your companions.
Inquisitor Harlan is very interested
in what has transpired with you.
Interested how, Landon?
Some of the recent events.
There are some
interesting discrepancies
we wish to discuss with you.
Could you
assemble your team for me?
Indeed.
Give me just a moment.
That is good.
I will be waiting in the cargo room for you.
Bay 12, please.
I have prepared it.
Very good.
I'll be there shortly.
Oh, black tea, yes?
Yes, please.
And I shall be enjoying
some of the music as well.
Please bring a vox player.
Sounds good.
Same as before?
I have.
I have procured new media to listen to.
And with that,
Interrogator Landon steps out of the room.
Heavy footfalls booming.
As I said, all of them.
I have words I wish to exchange with you
and your companions.
And then clangs off.
And with that, let's take our break, shall we?
Dun, dun, dun.
Break time, break time.
Break time, break time.
Break time, break time.
Take a break and see you in 10 minutes.
Break time, break time.
Break time.
Break time, 10 minutes, guys.
Yu-Gi-Oh cards, go.
Trap hole, very funny.
Very funny card.
Fallen hole die.
Red-eyed black dragon because he's the underdog.
Right leg of the forbidden one.
Oh, fuck you.
Volcanic tomb fire.
Oh.
because i like that the tiny guys get bigger and it was either trap polar regeki break because
regeki break is insanely funny and that's why vex deck is a skull servant deck if you look very
closely i think there was a it was a uh the youtube guest i can't remember his name but he
did that entire skit where it's just like random yugo cards just random bullshit coming out of
them and i'm sitting here going i wonder if it exists and a lot of them are pretty fucking accurate
yeah
all right well your choices were no frog the jam but frog the jam stinky no
we are back welcome back everybody to warhams we took ourselves
thirst and i think we're getting bullied i believe uh we are going to cut ahead to reeb
you have summoned the group together yes he he summoned everyone
you have summoned the group together yes he he summoned everyone
to a ready chamber just outside
of the cargo
bay 12 okay they will
also see him carrying the tea tray
absolutely
so yeah so so the three of
you uh pie limping pie
brain uh captain
zedek and lauren
are are all uh
like sitting in this ready
room watching as
reeb approaches with a full tea tray
it's got it's got little cakes on it
it's got little legs the funny little
corpse sandwiches but they're cut very
small like you could hold them with your thumb and your
pinky or your thumb and your index finger
not your pinky that'd be weird
how nice what's the what's the occasion
i thought you wanted to
kill us like 15 minutes ago
no right now i need you to
all be very cordial because
the gentleman in this room could
very easily
by the way he outranks me so please
do me a favor and show a bit of deference
if you don't mind pie
what
are you are you gonna start criticizing
me too no
i'm going to show you a great deal
of respect at this moment because if
you don't show this fellow respect we
will all be off this ship
very quickly
well that is a very
compelling point and i i
don't got any beef with the inquisition
they are
pretty cool very good
we will uh
activate the door and it will
open up revealing cargo bay 12 what are
we looking at thurston
you are looking
at a set of cargo
escalators and in which
stands illuminated by
lumens interrogator
landon who is still
bedecked in full
battle regalia
around you can see that there
is a setup
of a
small wooden table on a small wooden table what appears to be a musical recording device and a single couch has been brought in here a couch that is of higher quality than anything you have seen on the debt collector before its spaciousness easily allows for all four of you to sit on it
oh landon not that couch please
i like this couch it is a comfortable couch for talking
yes
welcome
come
sit on my couch
wait landon
landon
i fell if it isn't
lawn
barns
we meet again
landon you son of a bitch
are they making you push pencils again
and i swole
lauren and we both clapped hands
like it's a predator
like predator thing
ah you rat bastard
how have you been
it's been a while since we were in the
shit out on the eastern
estadia
we got a few
epic
i don't think this
ネタ
...
you
might not have understood
the words
and it was the return of god
how much more
which was also on fire at the time, as I recall.
I did set it on fire for intimidation factor,
but it didn't work out.
But boy, I'm glad to see you.
How have you been, home skeleton?
I sit on the couch.
I am very good, but I come here with some strong opinions.
I need to discuss the things that have been going on.
There has been a lot of chicanery
that has been reported through the Crusades
to inquisitor Harlan,
and she requires certain updates on this situation.
We'll set his trade down and begin pouring tea.
Landon first, then the-
By the way, how is Pi, like, is Pi hopping,
or is, like, Pi with Captain Zedek again?
Pi has had to hop to this place
from the other end of the ship after being deposited
and jump the chasm by himself
while ignoring the ghost old man.
Right.
Reeve is at least lightly shocked that Landon knows Lorne,
but then again, who Landon knows is not his business,
so he's just like,
I don't know, that's another thing to keep in mind, I guess.
Captain Zedek.
Captain Zedek throughout that entire ordeal
was, again, just looking at this strange display
of, yet again, Lorne knowing something,
or something new about Lorne that he had no idea
nor ever expected of him,
thinking about making a comment,
and then just kind of walks over
and sits on the couch, wordlessly.
Not a man of many words, Captain.
Well, not in this circumstance.
I just, I didn't expect Lorne to have been
some kind of war hero.
He never really talks about that kind of thing.
And Lorne has seen much,
but your lack of words does not surprise me,
given the brevity of your documentation to the Crusade.
Of all of your Crusade,
you, as the ambassador,
are the most substandard of follow-up reports
to catch a Van Nord.
Reeb's going to furrow his brow and look at Zedek.
Yeah, that kind of tracks.
You should really...
Actually, no, I'm not going to dig myself
into a deeper hole with this one.
Yeah, we've kind of been lost
with a lot of things that have been on the ship.
Things tend to keep going awry
with bad things and bad people.
Then how do you have time to write this?
And he reaches into his cloak
and tosses a book that skids across the ground,
stopping right in front of all of you.
It reads...
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Love and Death.
God, I hate it.
Captain Zedek romance novel.
Oh, it's out?
In truth?
For the record, folks,
because you can't see this
because of how this is formatted on the thing,
the handout given to us just now is
Prescribed Heretical Text.
Yes, that is the title of the handout.
So I didn't write that.
I kind of, kind of was a dick on this one.
And there was a ghostwriter.
I also, interestingly enough,
do not remember asking anybody to write this.
So your guess is as good as mine,
Interrogator Landon.
Ghostwriter, your name's right on it.
Where did you find that?
Yeah, I know.
I didn't publish it.
They fucking...
Your signature is on the first page.
There's ratlings who copy my signature.
I see this will be a difficult interrogation.
We'll get to the novel later,
but let's cover more pressing matters at hand.
You are correct.
It is time we start with your crusade antics
from the beginning.
And I'm Tybrain.
Ah, yes.
Zizkitari.
No.
Explorator.
No.
I am a explorator from the forge world of Lemuria.
I was promoted to aid with the crusade
and to become a part of the officio ambassadorem.
I have been giving multiple reports, actually,
and I hope that they have been found of subsequent
and, of course, a necessary detail.
I have...
I have also begun to uncover what I believe to be
some sort of conspiracy amidst a rival member
of the officio ambassadorem.
And I'm very glad you are here so we can discuss it.
We'll be getting to that.
Oh, yeah.
Can Reeb guide him to the couch?
Yeah, I'm just hopping as I'm telling you.
Yeah.
So all four of you are now sitting on the couch
opposite Landon.
Everyone has teacups.
There are five teacups.
If you'll excuse me,
I always enjoy some music to accompany these interrogations.
I prefer the ancient styles of the audio-ists of old Terra.
I shall begin with the music of Aikaira Yamaokia
entitled Quiet Hill,
and we shall go from here.
Now, as he, like, plays the music,
now we shall begin with the situation
on Fathom 4.
Who would like to start what happened on that world?
Captain Zedek will raise his hand.
Ah, good, you do talk.
I do.
So with Fathom 4, we initially went down there
to requisition some supplies and manpower for the Crusade,
and we were given an optional task of procuring some gourmets,
mons, to provide culinary services to Katja van Noord.
And it turns out that among the population of the planet
and it being largely incompetent,
there was also a contingent of imperial ambassadors as well
that had ingratiated themselves among the native population
and began steering them in rather untoward directions,
indulging in redolence, excess,
heretical worship of a non-venerated individual,
and also they murdered somebody else,
but I think we're working on fixing her.
So we slew them, in the name of the Emperor, of course,
and recruited what remained of the loyal population,
well, at least some of them, anyway,
and acquired manpower and resources for the Crusade.
I see.
Do any of the rest of you have anything to add?
I see.
Do any of the rest of you have anything to add?
I see.
Do any of the rest of you have anything to add to this situation?
Mm-hmm. Yes, I do.
Oh, please, by all means, elucidate me.
Okay.
So, as we were getting there
and doing all of the things that he said, right,
we discovered that, yeah, sure,
many of the ruling class of that planet were crazy people
who were bad and we got rid of them,
but what really happened is once we dealt with that,
a man by the name of Slyburgo
de Fokkerby, designated in my reports primarily
as Target Primaris Extermination Protocol,
Slyburgo de Fokkerby, et cetera, et cetera,
well, he used some kind of strange psychic power
that we have suspicion might have been enhanced
by some kind of xenotechnological devices
that allowed him to make the population
of Fathom Fork a berserk,
and in a bloodthirsty, cannibalistic rage, many of them,
attempted to kill us,
causing catastrophic damage across the planet.
We later achieved records that indicated
that it was indeed Slyburgo de Fokkerby
who is responsible for this.
Yes, that would match.
So there are some interesting points to follow up on.
Unless, Reeb, or my old friend Lon,
you have anything to add to the situation
with the rattling population.
Ah, they got it.
Well, I believe that is a remarkably good answer.
Well, I believe that is a remarkably good answer.
Well, I believe that is a remarkably good answer.
That is a wide coverage of information from people.
I'm actually surprised you all took notes that deep on that,
but thank you anyway.
Saved me from having to do it.
Very good.
Now I have immediately two things to follow up on.
Well, no, three things, I believe.
The first of which is the status
of the tech priest Lady Reeb.
She has been in this vessel for some number of months now.
Is that correct?
That is correct.
That is correct.
How long do you intend to keep her in stasis?
Until the, well, until her medical condition stabilizes.
At the moment, it does not appear,
I must inform you, Landon,
the condition in which we found her in was,
well, deceased for several hours.
Yes. It's not days.
The medical procedures you utilized to revitalize her
would be viewed as unnatural.
The medical procedures you utilized to revitalize her would be viewed as unnatural.
The medical procedures you utilized to revitalize her would be viewed as unnatural.
The medical procedures you utilized to revitalize her would be viewed as unnatural.
Yes, I suppose they would, Landon.
Yes, I suppose they would, Landon.
I will be keeping an eye on that one.
Is that what she told you to tell me?
Because she loved to use that word
whenever I did anything back home.
She wished me to use that exact term with you, yes.
Now then, carrying on,
there is the Lord of Science
who you managed to extricate from the planet's surface.
who you managed to extricate from the planet's surface.
who you managed to extricate from the planet's surface.
Yes, correct.
It appears that afterwards,
you put her in the custody of Catcher Van Nod.
Is that correct?
Correct.
Have you since had any follow-up contact
with the one known as the Divine Lord of Science?
I have put in a petition to do so,
but heard nothing back.
I see.
And you have had no reports of her continuing her medical experiments?
And you have had no reports of her continuing her medical experiments?
And you have had no reports of her continuing her medical experiments?
And you have had no reports of her continuing her medical experiments?
Not to my knowledge, no.
Very good.
Then this is filling up my report docket on this first mission of yours.
Then this is filling up my report docket on this first mission of yours.
Then this is filling up my report docket on this first mission of yours.
Very good, very good.
Captain Zarek, would you like to give me some kind of social skill,
given your succinct summary,
in an attempt to influence the interrogator?
Absolutely.
Some kind of social skill.
I'll say leadership, I suppose.
or persuasion like your choice
I mean either one I have an equal amount
of skill on them so I think it's fine
let's do
a persuasion then
I feel like that one will roll worse
it's a five
okay
interesting
interesting all right this sums up
my report on
the rattling planet now we will get
to you Mr. Piebrain
your situation of the one
Slayerburg of the Fakirby however
there is
another story I
wish to hear I believe
your next events
took you to the world of Skargaris
is that correct
regrettably yes
I think so
what do you remember of that place
I'll take the reins on
this one if you don't mind
sure
we were sent to the world of Skargaris
a world that previously provided
mineral
well minerals
the planet I believe was a mining world
in addition to general production
at that site as well
there was a Adeptus Mechanicus site there
and they were utilizing
rather old technology
at the time I believe
we were there to inquire as to their status
and whether or not they could provide
well resources to the crusade
and after we went there
we determined that they were
they were apparently sending
individuals who were inquiring
as to tithes
to the abandoned Adeptus Mechanicus location
on the moon of Skargaris
in that facility
there were a number of defensive measures
that were active that actively destroyed
any of the
well pursuers
officio administratum etc
yes
in doing so
we determined that
they had been
doing this
and we managed to disable
the defense system
that was on
that facility
in addition to discovering
a space marine
which was in stasis
on board that
that station
and what did you find sir
well
in so doing
we determined
there was a great deal
of lost technology
old
dark age
equivalent
very old technology
we made sure to
keep a track of that
so we could submit that
as well
further resources for the crusade as necessary
but the space marine in question
informed us that
a pitched battle had raged
over Skargaris
as well as over the moon
and that the vectors
were in fact malign forces
ones not aligned with the Imperium
and so we used
the resources of the crusade
to regain control
of Skargaris
yes have you
seen the
since followed up
on the planet
we have not
and do any of you
have anything
to add to that
I recall
that we transferred
that space marine
to Karchev and Nord
is that correct
yes
we gave him
a replacement limb
after it was
removed entirely
from his body
right
and then after we killed
all of the very funny
goblins that ran the planet
I was under the impression
that it was now
under the jurisdiction
of the larger
corporation
of the crusade forces
we received many points
for this
Landon's masked face
nods and behind the iron face
you see the sort of organic
twitching of eyes
as they move side to side
and look over all of you
yes
and Lon
huh
I heard you did something
totally badass
during the space fight there
is that true
oh yeah
I turned a giant warhead
shell around
and threw it back
yeah it was pretty cool
I can attest
that is very metal
my friend
not quite the flaming bear
but pretty metal
totally radical dude
very good
now
it may
behoove you to know
that the space marine
is since
joined the
the retinue
of
the inquisition
becoming a
servant of the staff
that are now
investigating
the inquisition
and researching
the lunar station
of
Todius
can I do a
scholar check
what the hell is
Todius
yeah give me a
scholar check
yeah okay
I do not have
any bonuses
applying to that
just give me
a 10
uh
Todius
like
with a 10
there's nothing
in the system
called
Todius
you'd know
this
okay but what
does that name
ring any bells
at all
no none
like like
absolutely no bells
but he is
Landon is just
using casually
yeah good
what is
Todius
ah
that is true
you have not
followed up
Scargeras has been
renamed to
Todius
in lieu of the
new government
ah
now I understand
what is the
new government
what is the
new government
I believe
they now call
themselves
the highest
toads
yeah that
sounds pretty
dumb
okay
those individuals
who we found
in the lower
decks
pie
oh that means
okay I take it
back it's very
smart actually
does Lorne like
have it like a
little tear in his
eye
that's right
I forgot
once I told
always a
toad
Lorne like
shows his
lower toads
tattoo
I'm so
proud of my
god
yeah
pie shows
his now blood
stained
like lower
toad sticker
very good
all right
then after
that
some stuff
happened and
then you went
to a prison
is that
correct
wait you're
forgetting about
shady rock
I said
some stuff
happened and
then you went
to a prison
correct
I said
yeah some
things did
happen and
then we did
wind up in a
prison yes
so who wishes
to tell me
about the
prison
well I
arrived
actually when I
arrived they
basically chained
me up to
up from the
head to the
toe
got really
pissed off
about it
and I
found
basically like
a million
molten beans
everywhere
and a
spiral pattern
and then
and then it
was like a
bunch of
red things
and I felt
like I was
like destroying
a bunch of
people ripping
them in half
and then I
was locked
away
but then I
went on like
a weird
rampage
it was very
odd
he was in
prison for
like four
hours and
then got
super buff
oh yeah
I got
totally ripped
that is some
of that
Fenrisian
DNA in you
I hear that
just happens
with your
people sometimes
no I don't
believe that at
all
does anyone
else have a
more distinct
description of
the prison
yeah I
don't
yes
okay
so we get
there and
the judge
there is like
he sounds
very dumb
and so we
talked to the
dumb guy
and we're
trying to
find a
real Hector
who was a
survivor of
shady rock
that Cybergon
stole and
honestly
it's his fault
for everything
honestly
and so
right after
we dealt with
that we
went down
to go get
him because
that judge
man told us
to do that
and then he
closed all
the doors
got paranoid
started yelling
about his
family jewels
and he
pumped poison
sleeping gas
into the
chamber to
knock everyone
out I was
barely able to
escape the
magnet trap
and we
posed a
daring jail
break after
being able to
release everyone
and causing a
prison riot
retrieving real
Hector and
finding out what
the hell is
going on
including fighting
a man who
referred to
himself as
the big
bitch
we then
were able
to get to
the top
levels
only to be
attacked by
dark
Eldar
they stole
the judge
and seemed
to have been
looking for
something
and then we
killed them
and the rest
of them ran
away and
then we
secured the
city
hi may I
from
okay
yes what
he said is
correct
the
Dracari did
engage the
station after a
period
taking on
the entirety
of the
arbitrator
force station
there
they were
certainly a
threat however
I believe
there was
something
interesting
regarding the
arbitrator
I would
make a
separate note
of this
Landon if
you don't
mind
of course
you may
proceed
what is it
you would
like to
state
this is an
accusation
however
in addition
to
Slybergo
de
Fuckerby's
strange
powers
of which
I do not
believe
possible
by any
normal
man
there were
some
questionable
things the
judge
informed us
of
namely
an object
which he
owned
which we
never got
a look
at he
referred to
it as
a family
jewel
and
apparently
had been
passed down
in his
family
for some
time
or he
had come
into
possession
of it
we were
unable to
determine
what from
him before
he was
captured
but from
what he
described
it provided
him with
an exceptional
amount of
well good
fortune
and well
there is no
fortune other
than what
the emperor
provides to
you
so it
would be
very curious
that this
object was
re-obtained
by Slybergo
de Fuckerby
indeed so
it is likely
that the
object in
question is
of either
malign or
xenos origin
which is
necessitating
our pursuit
of Mr.
de Fuckerby
I see
and so
from this
you have now
engaged in
vendetta
against this
person
vendetta is a
strong word
we are merely
doing what is
asked of a
standard inquisitor
even an acolyte
such as myself
can see that
what do you
think of
de Fuckerby
de Fuckerby
de Fuckerby
would you
describe it
as
vendetta
de Fuckerby
and I
that's all
he says
terrific
Lorne is a
very emotional
man but
I assure you
there is more
than us
just being
otherwise
like
inconvenienced
by this guy
he's been
doing some
really bad
things
and there's
been so many
threads leading
back to him
for instance
when we were
in this
system we
went on a
ship and
it had
been completely
destabilized
you are getting
ahead of the
story
okay fine
but let me
bring us back
to the prison
planet
where there
was this
chamber
that was
filled with
a hallucinatory
cathedral
that was
led by
someone
from
shady rock
one of the
places that
we knew
de Fuckerby
had gone
to
and there
was a
strange
sort of
aura
around it
that no
one
questioned
and it
was very
clearly
part of
a great
conspiracy
and I
hope you're
really really
concerned about
it
give me a
willpower
test
pie
sure
thing
uh
okay
let's
go
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
you believe
I'm going to
re-roll with
a graph
okay
I'm gonna
re-roll
two dice
ah
well three
will have to
suffice
three on
four dice
that's not
too bad
uh
for the
rest of
you
everything
pie
said
uh
sorry
to
reeb
and uh
captain
zedek
everything
pie
said
just came
out as
like
gibberish
like
binaric
gibberish
lauren
you
heard and
understood
everything
that pie
said
but
zedek
and reeb
you just
heard
like
modem
sounds
all right
all right
what
you dipped
into binary
no I didn't
I was speaking
completely normal
gothic
let me repeat
there was a
giant
again
no I
what I mean
I mean
I understood
him
lauren
you understand
everything
lauren
please translate
what he's saying
so that
Landon may
understand
oh
absolutely
absolutely
so it all
basically started
out when
it's
and that's
it
I see
what
Landon's
eyes just
sort of
like
dart over
all of you
so then
after the
situation
in the
wait repeat
what I just
said to you
metal man
sir
I
I think we
can move on
wait no
what did I say
there was
some events
that happened
on shady
rock
let's move
ahead
wait no
that's shitty
this reminds
me of the
billboard
bye
bye
bye
I reached
behind the
couch to
find the
giant
poster board
that I had
that one
time
where'd you
get that
I made
it
put it
back
no I
made it
put it
back right
now
fine but
I'll take it
out when it
becomes more
relevant to
that story
please do
interrogator
Landon I
as much as I
don't want to
agree with
our dial-up
companion here
there is
some discrepancy
over shady
rock that I
think is being
overlooked
chiefly the
fact that no
one can seem
to remember
it almost as
if our
memories of
the entire
incident were
white clean
but it has
some integral
bearing upon
everything that
has happened
since
why are you
so if
of course
pardon my
uh
pardon my
intrusion or
rather a
deference to
your authority
but why are
we just
glazing over
that
Zoran
mark me
down a
rune point
okay
you're
marked
so then
after the
prison
what happened
he knows
what he just
did so
you're going
to just
move on
gentlemen
let's tell him
what happened
after shady
after uh
after the
space station
prison planet
shall we
just ignore
are you in
on it
you you
feel this
complete pie
there is
something that
just pushes
you now
to move on
from shady
rock
i know that
all you want
to do is
not talk
about shady
rock so
let's not
talk about
it what
are we
talking about
just imagine
we're all
looking at
pie ring
don't just
basically going
like what
happened after
shady rock
yeah what
happened after
shady rock
it'd be a good
idea to move
on what
happened so
gm real quick
because it was a
little bit of a
gap what did
we do after
shady what
did we do
after uh
the space
station uh
you you
returned back
and then that
was when you
were assigned
to the
fimbria system
right and
then we went
okay so that
was the uh
fissure assassin
oram people
and the weird
conspiracy to
kill the
planetary governor
right yeah
captain i
believe you
can regale
our good
friend landon
here with the
tales of
fimbria 4
oh fuck
yeah i sure
can
so big enough
that just really
got me
landon your
tea is getting
cold i would
take some
well it's
hot
so after
like it's the
most awkward
drinking by the
way because of
his like metal
like it's just
like and of
course because
it's like actual
black tea like
there's just
these black
streaks that go
down the mouth
of the mask
wow that is
fucking terrifying
correct
so at
did we
yeah just after
the whole uh
xenos invasion
that was that
was a real
fucking trip
well wasn't
it uh
we arrived on
fimbria majoris
uh
to respond
to planetary
governor zolensk's
uh
calls for aid
as to
investigate a
cult that was
growing on the
planet the cult
of the emperor's
reign
emperor's
yeah
liquid
and it turns
out the emperor's
tears i believe
yes that that
was the one
that's what i was
getting to
perhaps that
was a mistake
yeah but
we're moving on
we have
he shall continue
he needs to make
up his word
quotients that
is not smart
carry on
so after
investigating it
we were led
to a
water or
filtration
processing station
for the hive
and it turns
out they were
planning to
use that
distributing
distributing
station
captain zedek
is struggling
today he does
not do too
well with big
words right now
uh to poison
the populace
through this
water pumping
station and
we stopped
them because
we were
attacked by a
group of
death cult
assassins and
that was not
fun but you
know what we
kind of
mulched them
and they are
dead and we
saved the day
and what i
assume followed
was a purge
of any members
of this cult
upon
majoris
from there we
continued following
our lead on
slibergo to
fuckerby
uh to
it was
fimbria to
the mining
colony
you are
skipping
something
captain
of course i'm
skipping something
there's a lot of
things i forget
what am i
skipping
oh right
oh yes
the fun times
fun times
and derelict
ships
i was hoping
to have
drank that
memory away
you see i
have just
finished that
report and
he blend
and pulls
out a data
slate
you finished
the write-up
reeb is very
detailed it was
what i've read
once i entered
system
i aspire to
many of the
great old
dramatherges
i prefer the
pictodramatherge
gungai ito
and in his
words he
slaps the
data pad down
on the table
that ship
was made
for you
what do you
mean the
ship was
no that
ship was not
designed for
any of us
unless it was a
trap in which
case it was
explicitly designed
for us
i mean
certainly
he
that ship
seemed to
be
perfectly
placed to
challenge your
skills
it does seem
a bit
uncanny that
we would have
to navigate
the nightmare
of the
carillon
yes
just kind of
there
reeb how much
did you tell him
about the
carillon
i told him
everything
cool
you need to
understand i
have to tell
them everything
as is the
it's what i
do
is that
i was
looking a little
bit incredulous
at this point
i'm an inquisitor
zedek
do you think
i'm just going
to hide things
from my
co-workers
zedek searching
his knowledge
banks for any
remembrance of
inquisitors just
hiding things
from other
people
from other
inquisitors not
from people
from other
inquisitors
memory banks
yes my
flesh my
fleshy memory
banks i call
an adult
brain
someday we'll
approve them
no we won't
yeah so that
ship was
awful
uh i i'm
glad it was
destroyed
yon
you are the
most psychically
attuned of
this group
obviously
ah shit
what did you
find on that
ship
a lot of
bad stuff
man
a lot of
bad juju
i'll lay it
down for you
first we
came in that
ship
bunch of
dead babies
a lot of
dead babies
with wings
on them
been lacking
one bit
then there
was a whole
bunch of
just
taken
over
individuals
all along
that ship
and we also
and uh
i think you
put in a
report that
we found
dead
elder
correct
yes yes
that
and then
there was a
ginormous
chaos
spawn
the absolute
void
and then
there was a
recording
i think we
sent that
off too
right
correct
i made a
copy
yes yes
recording of
fucking
with the
previous
occupant
of that
ship
yes i
believe it
was
when
slabbergo
defakaby
left the
the prison
complex
he charted
the carillon
to bring
him to
this system
yeah
but after
they arrived
in system
he departed
but left a
suggestion of
some kind
for the
captain to
initiate
warp
translation
without
the
gala
field
yes
correct
very damning
evidence you find
here
and stuff
keeps piling up
against this
individual
correct
i would say so
landon
may i ask a
question of you
if you don't mind
me interrogating
the interrogator
for a moment
of course
we are all
friends here
surely this
information would
be suitable
enough
for us to
continue our
pursuit of
defakaby
yes
you'll
misunderstand
my presence
here
friend
oh
this evidence
should be enough
to have a
whole sub-sector
fleet chasing
this man
down
and yet the
only ones
who are doing
it right
now
are you
on your
own
so why
is that
well
landon
i'm going to
be completely
honest with you
we have tried
bringing these
items to the
attention of
the crusade
fleet
now i'm going to
be honest
with whoever
our leaders
of that crusade
are they have
not given us
extra resources
to go after
them
fact is we
have captain
zedek's ship
here the debt
collector and
whatever forces
we can scrape
together to go
after him
we've done
what we can
with the
resources we're
afforded
simple fact is
we've been put
off many
times to
find more
and more
evidence which
we find
routinely in
the wake of
this man
and yet we
are the only
ones after him
at the moment
does that not
sound strange
to you
little bit
so what
reason
would
the crusade
and i the
imperium have
for not
chasing this
man down
for what he
has done
what you have
reported
what you have
evidence of
that is a good
question landon
however i find
that finding him
would be more
important than
why we're not
being helped
might i ask
another question
this is from
inquisitor
harlem
and he's
a little bit
of a
little bit
of a
little bit
of a
little bit
of a
little bit
of a
little bit
of a
little bit
and he
well he
does he
doesn't open
his mouth
because he
has a mask
on but
words come
out i need
all of you
to give me
a willpower
test right
now
can i be
excused i
have a
doctor's
note give
you a one
i'll get a
glory i will
reroll with
rap because
it's important
wait no you
you don't need
no no
you've got
i saw your
role i thought
it was my
role okay i
got a five
i'm going
good uh
fine i've
got one
wrath left
i'll wait on
that okay
uh
so
no it's
five
zedek are
you uh
are you
gonna reroll
lauren's gonna
get it too
yeah lauren's
gonna reroll
cool
yeah okay
three days
wow
so it's
only me
that's
two more
glory
it is
only me
that fails
so
yeah you
hear again
the
and then
the rest
of you
here
what is
your association
with inquisitor
lord
melchior
oh
lord
melchior
yes
i know
him
he is
in
captain
captain
he's here
i saw him
in my room
earlier
oh
oh
oh
oh
I
don't
know
what
he's
doing
he's
in
trouble
he's
in trouble
he's
in trouble
he's
in trouble
and what's
the
problem
problem
is
there's
there's
an issue
with the
septic
system
sir
again
uh
it's
real bad
sir
I
don't
wanna
go
down
the
poop
swamp
again
captain
it's
it's
back
it's
backing
up
it's
it's
the
same
generator
you
you
and
your
companions
experience
explored
a couple
months
back
don't
like
that
don't
like
that
at
all
okay
uh
we'll
we'll
get on
that as
soon as
we're done
being
interrogated
and
can we
make
them
do
it
there
I
I
think
they're
going
to
die
if
they
do
that
there's
5,000
of
them
yeah
they
can
figure
that
out
but
it's
going
on
well
well
uh
uh
the
uh
the
poop
pipe
to
the
crap
swamp
is
backed
up
again
and
it's
starting
to
stink
out
the
ship
so
we're
gonna
have
to
go
fix
that
again
we
have
a
really
incompetent
tech
priest
on
board
wait
I'm
not
even
going
to
dignify
that
response
because
she's
the
only
one
keeping
this
together
oh
damn
it
Landon
I'll
keep it
blunt
with
you
these
are
one
of
the
many
is
that
this
is
one
of
the
side
stories
that
I
did
not
capture
in
my
my
overview
of
your
exploits
thus
far
we
believed
it
to
be
unnecessary
wouldn't
you
agree
do
you
think
I
need
to
give
you
the
constant
ummings
and
errings
of
how
we
traverse
a
sewage
system
if
it
is
an
important
situation
I
can
come
with
you
if
you
require
the
extra
assistance
yeah
captain
do
we
need
to
do
something
about
it
or
do
you
have
it
handled
we're
going
to
have
to
do
something
about
it
I
feel
oh
damn
it
how
long
is
this
interrogation
going
to
take
because
we
could
just
finish
it
and
then
go
down
I'm
sure
we
won't
lose
too
many
people
I
think
to
lose
too
many
people
do
people
die
when
this
happens
on
your
ship
routinely
it
happened
the
last
time
because
again
something
happened
down
there
which
happens
that
we'll
just
kind
of
stare
off
like
a
thousand
like
uh
flashbacks
like
fortunate
suns
play
as we
focus
on
your
eyes
it's
like
that
that
image
of
lisa
simpson
kind
of
staring
down
with
a
half
grin
but
definitely
thousand
yards
staring
just
like
remembering
what
happened
and
trying
to
suppress
it
people
died
but
we
did
it
we
took
care
of
it
well
hmm
i
think
i
think
i
wish
to
see
what
is
going
on
in
your
your
sewage
system
wait
but
what's
about
melchior
i
know
what
he
is
what
yeah
didn't
we
return
him
no
i
saw
him
in
my
room
earlier
i
almost
didn't
recognize
him
because
we
found
him
on
shady
rock
so
long
ago
you're
just
getting
a big
headache
from
this
like
you're
understanding
the
words
but
it is
pounding
at
your
skull
like
he was
standing
there
and
when
lauren
was
telling
me
that
it's
not
good
to
shoot
creep
long
story
we'll
get
to
it
later
it's
i
was
a
big
problem
and
then
he
was
just
there
and
everyone
acted
like
insane
but
he
was
there
i
can
tell
you
i
can
you
can
look
into
my
cogitator
and
find
the
records
and
he
i
looked
at
him
i
said
what
are
you
doing
here
and
he
said
shhh
everyone
told me
to meet
up
here
and
i
had
to
walk
back
here
hi
can
you
stop
saying
gibberish
i'm
not
saying
gibberish
why
are
you
always
bullying
me
it
sounds
like
you're
saying
gibberish
lauren
barnes
my
friend
did
you
did
you
see
did
you
see
this
no
lying
to
the
inquisition
is a
grave
offense
i
did
not
lie
to
you
i
don't
care
what
you
do
i
can
prove
it
i
am
a
tech
priest
of
lamuria
i
do
not
lie
i
do
my
duty
perhaps
we
can
continue
this
discussion
i
will
later
for
now
captain
if you
can
lead
us
to
your
sewage
situation
i
wish
to
see
what
exactly
is
brewing
in
your
undership
of
course
my
good
man
in
the
iron
mask
i
just
hope
you
have
some
sort
of
incense
below
that
faceplate
because
it
is
not
going
to
be
pleasant
lead
the
way
captain
of
course
happen
zedek
will
get
up
and
begin
leading
the
party
down
to
the
leg
oh
shit
i
forgot
about
that
yeah
and
then
you
immediately
got
called
back
i
tell
you
what
reeb
i'm
gonna
borrow
something
from
you
i
don't
really
care
what
you
do
because
i
can
handle
it
if
you
won't
but
i'm
gonna
have
spares
let's
get
a
move
on
yeah
i'm
gonna
start
hopping
and
if
we
don't
have
spares
that
don't
have
the
lemurian
logo
on
hey
can we
get an
influence
check
to see
if
we
have
spare
limbs
we
did
this
before
we
do
have
some
spare
limbs
i'm
pretty
sure
we
have
yeah
we
need
to
check
it
again
uh
don't
make
a
roll
influence
for
this
i
already
lost
too
well
i
know
you're
gonna
have
to
make
an
influence
check
fuck
hurry
up
hurry
up
wallet
rude
oh
no
zed
against
the
wallet
of
this
game
too
shit
you'll
get a
four
and a
yeah
just a
four
it's
always
a
four
which
is
enough
to
mean
you
have
you
have
synthetic
limbs
on
hand
all
right
i'm
gonna
quickly
do
that
funny
thing
that
i
do
which
is
medicaid
so
so
like
why
are
we
going
to
the
medical
lab
oh
because
you
have
to
append
a
graft
i
see
yes
his
leg
is
broken
i
was
leaving
it off
as a
punishment
for his
actions
on a
previous
situation
but now
we need
him
so i'm
going
to fix
it
it
was
not
fair
and
i
don't
we
were
gonna
have
a
talk
about
that
we
still
are
just
not
right
now
yes
for
now
i
will
forgive
your
bad
behavior
and i
will
have
to
forgive
you
shooting
with a
plasma
weapon
i
hate
pie
upside
the
head
with
my
staff
give
me
the
medicaid
oh no
it's a
three
oh should
i
re-roll
it
that
point
might be
really
useful
hey chat
should i
re-roll
this
oh
can i
press
this
button
re-roll
it
into
a
four
yeah
i don't
know
chat's
saying
no
i already
re-rolled
it
it wasn't
better
it was
a four
it was
better
see
pie's
not gonna
like
this
captain
zedek
could
assist
reeve
the
the
the
agmedic
of course
that goes
on
that
replaces
the
lovely
metal
leg
is
clearly
like
a
flesh
based
leg
now
this
is
unacceptable
deal
with
it
it's
all
we
have
right
now
oh
my
god
if
we
need
a
sparrow
go
visit
gamu
or
something
no
you
won't
i'm
you
know
what
i'm
gonna
walk
up
to
the
tag
priest
in
the
pod
she's
not
using
that
you
are
not
taking
her
legs
what
just
a
leg
we
reuse
body
parts
all
the
time
she
is
in
critical
condition
enough
as
it
is
without
you
taking
her
apart
like
a
used
car
now
that's
just
how
it
works
when
i
got
my
arm
lopped
off
the
first
time
i
had
to
borrow
my
friends
stop
cannibalizing
people
i'm
thinking
of pie
in like
a hospital
setting
with a
broken
arm
and he's
like
i need
an immediate
solution
to this
so i'm
going to
go to
the
icu
and
dismember
someone
in a
fucking
coma
and just
put it
on
no you
don't
understand
you don't
understand
that's
what
skitari
do
i don't
understand
reeb also
doesn't get
that
it's really
funny
he has a
fucking
shopping
card in
the hospital
and it's
like
as he's
grabbing
lopsided
limbs
yeah
you know
i'm just
gonna
she'll
understand
she's in
the cult
mechanic
because i'm
gonna make
a tech
check and
unscrew
this leg
oh you
better not
no no
no
you make
a tech
check
i make
a molten
beam
attack
should we
not kill
each other
the second
time
if i have
a flesh
leg in
the sewer
then it
might
disintegrate
so what
we'll get
you another
one
i put a
hand on
pie's
shoulder
and i go
and pie
brain
that is
a risk
i'm willing
to take
and we
i push
him
out
you don't
know
you don't
even care
i do
this is
what you
deal with
all the
time
reeb
in
oh this
is only
a small
fraction
of it
i see
well then
now that
we have
the leg
on your
friend
perhaps
we can
continue
on
yes
well we
move on
now
i'm going
to bring
a spare
leg
just in
case
i don't
trust the
flesh
oh i'll
let him
take it
like he
can have
as many
spares
as he
have like
five
spares
if he
already has
a flesh
leg now
why not
just replace
your flesh
leg with
the random
spare
leg if
we're
gonna
allow
it
they're
all
flesh
oh
yeah i
got a
bunch of
fake
flesh
like
alien
kind
of
like you
know
like
artificial
vat
grown
protein
legs
look
look
if you're
gonna
bitch
about
the
leg
this
time
i'll
give you
a fucking
metal
pig
leg
how's
that
sound
that
would
be
preferable
but
for now
we don't
have enough
time
we are
just going
to have
to accept
this
situation
and
my
legs
i want
to make
a narrative
declaration
yes
i want
to use
psychic
mastery
to
really
make
rip
his
fucking
leg
off
grab
the
nearest
servitor
who has
a metal
broom
and
literally
just like
tear off
his
leg
take
the
metal
like
shaft
bit
of
that
and
just
shove
it
in
the
pie's
leg
you
know
oh my
god
thirst
it
never
lets
me
use
psychic
mastery
for
any
checks
please
go
ahead
and
make
a
psychic
mastery
for
this
check
excellent
so
you
can
no
longer
complain
about
the
flesh
is
weak
it
is
i
believe
i
got
a
five
it's
not
quite
good
enough
i'm
missing
a little
bit
too
much
today
stop
it
gonna
gonna
gonna
wrath
that
lauren
he's
raffing
it
yeah
oh i
thought
you
just
did
yeah
you
just
that's
right
yeah
that's
right
you
want
to
use
two
glory
yeah
sure
you
complained
and i'm
helping
you
it's
just
holding
you
down
i'm
helping
you
cracking
of bone
what is
happening
here
there's
one more
yeah
a six
of the
desired
number
so
there's
this
moment
where
like
the
flesh
leg
pops
off
with
this
disgusting
sound
and
then
like
yeah
the
metal
broom
just
goes
flying
and
cracks
into
pie's
leg
ah
there'll
be
a
long
shortly
land
and
let's
just
get a
move
on
they'll
catch
up
they
always
do
pull
my
leg
this
takes
forever
i just
hope
you
know
that
you've
escalated
the
arms
race
i'm
gonna
keep
going
my
brain
you
cannot
keep
hamstring
us
along
like
this
just
take
the
leg
and
go
i
roll
ballistics
on
flamer
congratulations
catch
all of
them
in the
in the
line
move
on
finish
this
campaign
we're
gonna
fucking
move
on
you
you
make
your
way
back
into
the
sewer
system
um
with
with
captain
zedek
leading
the
way
uh
captain
zedek
you
come
by
the
the
same
same
sights
you
you
even
in
fact
see
like
old
blood
splatter
on
the
wall
which
pybrain
you
recognize
as
your
uh
your
survival
blood
from
when
you
were
last
here
and
made
a
made
a
weapon
skill
check
to
track
people
oh
yeah
yeah
yeah
memories
you're
walking
down
here
um
as
as
as
you
continue
on
you
you
get
the
the
box
captain
something
something
is on
the
generator
i don't
know
it's
just
not
working
right
now
you're
gonna
have
to
take
a
look
at
it
i
don't
want
to
take
a
look
at
it
ransom
captain
you
have
to
do
your
job
once
in
a
while
i
do
that's
why
you
still
have
a
job
well
good
luck
and
you
come
to
the
same
area
that
you
remember
from
before
boop
and
you
see
the
you
come
from
the
east
moving
west
finding
the
massive
sort
of
like
engine
unit
in
the
waters
and
the
bridges
that
connect
them
the
the
engine
unit
here
is
kind
of
chugging
like
the
filter
is
actually
emitting
this
like
kunk
kunk
kunk
sound
have
this
bloody
thing
again
yeah
we
really
should
get a
new
one
of
these
but
that's
gonna
pull
out
his
flamer
and
start
torching
it
that'll
fix
it
yeah
that's
the plan
is that
what we
did
last
time
yes
no we
got
attacked
and then
we
fixed
it
yeah
we
fixed
it
by
flaming
it
the
last
time
thurston
i wish
to roll
flamer
on
the
uh
give
me
a
ballistic
skill
check
great
great
uh
boom
i'll
give
you
a
seven
cool
uh
the
the
gout
of
flame
goes
and
hits
the
side
of
the
filtration
unit
burning
it
this
the
water
around
sizzles
you
black
in
the
unit
it
still
seems
to
be
emitting
a
kunk
kunk
a bit
deeper
that
time
i
don't
think
that
was
a
licensed
procedure
i'm
not
a
mechanic
am
i
it
worked
the
last
time
we
were
here
over
charges
our
pistol
and
try
and
shoot
it
to
jump
start
the
absolutely
give
me
give
me
a
ballistic
skill
shot
sure
here
you
go
it's
coming
put
on
your
3d
glasses
bitch
it's
coming
to
you
oh
god
it's
a
three
yeah
that'll
hit
that
strikes
it
i
roll
me
damage
okay
ap
minus
one
there
is
this
like
whining
sound
is
electrical
bolt
and
then
you
hear
the
sounds
of
shorting
and
then
like
turbines
moving
like
and
the
water
around
it
seems
to
rustle
until
something
emerges
out of
the
water
an
immense
immense
grub
like
figure
bursts
out
of
the
water
coiling
from
around
the
filter
as it
rises
out of
the
water
more
hams
also
featuring
the
big
sewer
grub
big
grub
grub
so
we're
in
combat
who
would
like
to
go
first
i'm
out
and
bam
that's
fair
yeah
do it
go ahead
back
club
kill
verify
my
command
destroy
him
oh okay
so
oh three days
okay
yeah
absolutely
no restrictions
fire on
target
oh
okay
you'll hit
shift
one
um
18k
very
good
very
good
uh
it
recoils
back from
the force
of the
beam
uh writhing
in the
air
uh however
at the
same time
as you do
that you
also have
realized
that um
you have
you have
touched the
powers of
the warp
um which
you know
aren't
necessarily the
best things
to be
to be mucking
uh
excellent
uh oh
spaghettios
i'm going to use
this one
this one is
is absolutely
a new one
that i'm just
gonna use
because i really
like it
it's
it's entitled
what's one more
no
you have
an overwhelming
feeling of
power
pleasure
and an emotional
sense for doing
so
and you hear
this sweet voice in the back of your head lorne
enjoy the pleasures of your power
so you
can cast
either
like you can cast another psychic power including the same one
okay
but you have to add another wrath dice to the test
easy
you have to do this
wow
all right
not a single complication i rolled a 12.
oh my gosh
that's a bluff called
great great complication thurston thank you thanks for the complication
i want to point to
i wanna
first of all
that was
shepherd of slenasht
good on you
but also
if another complication is rolled
the the other test is considered a failure and the psychic must roll a corruption test
so i was gonna try
but apparently not
so uh
roll damage again please
yeah
suck it
uh how many can i uh
uh
shift
you can shift four
yeah it looks like
awesome
so it's going to be
uh
20 plus four
so 24
oh wow
24 damage
yeah this thing
this thing just is writhing back and forth it lets out this keening screech as you come in and blast out two bolts of pure energy at it it is incredibly agitated by this
i imagine there's that dvz beam to where they're doing like a normal one and then they scream really loudly and then it's a bigger beam
oh yeah absolutely um okay
so
so
with that
um
would you would any of you like to to to interrupt at this point if you have any glory
uh i would note that i interrupt so he can blast it with the funny sun gun
um i could but then when it comes up then i would it would be harder for me to counter attack and i expect that it's going to charge somewhere on this flank and i would rather save my counter attack and have my defense up
yeah but you could kill it
um
there's a chat
um
uh i i think that you should probably interrupt because you have the flamer
i mean it's not as much damage like the flamer doesn't isn't really that exceptional in terms of damage
do you want me to
light it on fire
in the sewage
i mean might
that sounds like bait don't take the bait urndil
yeah i'd rather not i think i would
i would much prefer that someone with a big gun shoot it like you know as opposed to me my gun's really more for wiping out a lot of people at once not like big targets
um zedek you want to shoot
fuck it yeah
okay mark it down with glory and let's go
give me a little shocky shock
mm-hmm
afford a complication
yeah
poggers
yeah poggers okay
zoggers
um
zoggers
zoggers
zoggers
all right so this is when you uh you do manage to hit it uh you can't shift anything sadly
okay
but when you do hit it um you start like you feel your allergies set in um because you're like you're allergic to gross things and so your your allergies in the sewers have just started going off and you start sneezing and coughing and stuff like that
um
and that is just me sneezing and coughing and gagging at the awful smell of like flaming uh and like melted whatever this grub is this immense towering grub that's some like 20 feet tall out of the water um yeah so you can give me damage
15 ap minus 1
ooh very nice yeah
it's looking pretty messed up here
uh it's however going to go and uh seeing as you just struck it it really is gonna kill you i love this mohawk
but i can't do it
no not anymore
uh it's still interesting though absolutely
it rears its head back and lets out again this like keening like as its mouth produces this
blast of sludge
and it's starting by hitting you and we'll see how it does sludge beam
oh okay it crits you with its sludge beam oh that complicates by the way oh good oh good oh good
um a crit and a complicate i'll i'll we'll make it work um okay and actually no the the
complication will override the crit sad me but i'll still do a bunch of damage to you what's
your defense as a oh it's two you know oh okay good so i'll shift two of these that's nice yeah
yeah uh oh it'll only do 11 points of damage at ap minus two minus two as it like starts like
chewing into
your armor and like sizzling on you uh and you feel this just acrid awful smell and yeah yeah
super fun okay cool um that is it's actually no it just then like shifts up to there okay
as it like moves through the water and you hear the splooshing of it uh okay that's it's go who'd
like to go next oh potty's not gonna do it i guess i'll flame it
i'm gonna burn it with my laser flame gun of shooting fire do it fire that flamer anything
i could use one glory i'm gonna save that for some other use so i'm gonna burn burninating
the country uh it can't dodge or anything so just give me damn magio joe dimaggio says
it takes 11 points of damage okay that seems to do a bit to it and it's on fire which
is a thing
okay cool uh it doesn't seem like impeded like mobility-wise but it's taking damage
from the fire so that is a thing okay um at this point landon goes and
like looks at all of you
you've dealt with this type of thing before this abomination
yeah
i can't do that
okay okay
smaller, but yes.
I've actually got one that I've been
dissecting, but it's got nothing of value
and it's just another rotten beast.
But, fine!
He, like, hops into water
and rushes towards it.
Actually, no. No, no, no. He
actually spends his action moving
around to here and raises up
his shield kind of defensively.
Alright, that's his go.
And then, Pi, I think?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So with my movement,
would I be able to get to, like, right here?
The church, perhaps?
Yeah, I'll say that's cool.
Very kind of you. I know
I have a peg leg, so wanted
to make sure. Alright, grand!
And the reason I'm here is that I want
to be playing defense for people.
Okay, cool.
I'm going to grip
into him with my master-crafted
Lemurian sword!
Let's get some.
Alright, that's going to be 10 successes.
I assume I hit.
Yes. Okay, sounds grand.
And that will be, uh,
unfortunately somewhat low damage, but 13
AP 3.
Okay, yeah, you
start cutting into it. Um, can you mark
me down a rune point, please?
Sure.
Zoran the Burr.
Okay,
so as you swing into it, you do,
a bunch of damage, uh, cutting, and you see
your weapon is fairly effective. Uh,
it seems to be tanking a bit of this. However,
you do take one mortal
wound as acid splashes
on you as you cut into it.
Nah!
Meh!
Okay.
Why did it have to be slugs?
Alright, that's the end of the combat round.
Who would like to go?
Doesn't your plasma gun do way more damage than that,
Piebrain? Uh, not typically.
Remember, the shot that killed you,
was, like, four dice,
all rolling sixes, to be 21.
Typically, I'm actually better
off relying on my power sword.
I see. It's more likely to hit,
and, uh, the damage it does
isn't substantially less. In fact, if anything,
it's probably a bit higher on average.
Alright,
who would like to go first this round?
I can do it.
He may possibly do crush, too.
Lord can go and shoot
Wolton Bean again.
I am unbounded.
Free Wrath die.
What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah, what's the worst?
Okay, I guess I'll go.
Alright, since I have to declare it first,
I'm going to cast Molten Beam at the start.
It says I can basically do two second powers, I guess?
It's not a penalty, right?
Yeah, so I'm going to do main crush?
That's the question.
No, you are at a penalty, it's just you can sustain
without the penalty.
You are correct, that's right.
Let's give this a shot.
We're going to do Molten Bean first,
and then we'll do crush.
And then crush?
Cool.
Alright, Molten Bean go!
Ten and one.
Ten?
Okay, so you're going to hit roll damage
and you can shift three of those.
Excellent.
It's going to be 23.
This is, this thing is looking like rough.
You score off more of it, like the beam
just searing and like spewing out all sorts of acid.
Can you mark me down a rune point?
Sure thing.
And now for the rune point.
And now for the crush.
Pybrane, take two more points of acid damage.
More acid damage.
And now crush it.
And now squeeze the juice out of it.
Oh, wow.
Okay, okay.
That's two complicates.
That will still hit, but you can give me damage, yeah.
Then we'll do all the complicates at once because,
you know, reasons.
Awesome, I'll do an additional damage die.
Sorry, hold up.
Oh yeah, you're good.
Two.
Okay, yeah.
12 total.
Cool.
It's heavily wounded.
It's not quite dead yet.
All right, can you roll me 2d6, please?
Yeah, we're going to, we're just going to do these here.
52.
52. All right.
Life drain.
Numbing cold washes out from you,
leeching the very life essence of those nearby.
Every living creature within 25 meters, everything, takes 1d6,
or sorry, 1d3 shock.
And all avians, plants, insects wither and die.
Insects.
Correct.
Grub.
Nice.
I'm going to take a shot.
Is grub an insect?
I mean, we'll see.
All of you just roll a d3.
Hey, can't you just, like, it'll just take a, like, it'll take the shot.
You all take two.
You all take two.
I'm just rolling it because it's easier than rolling it.
Okay.
Okay.
Now roll another 2d6, please, Lauren Barnes.
As, like, your blast hits it and, like, causes it to retract.
And then you get that, which is going to be plus 2d6.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, come on.
Ah.
We got this.
Of course, let's roll this.
Let's pull this, and a 3d6.
Pls.
The watching.
Oh.
Oh, wait, sorry.
Not the watching.
It's actually going to be 22.
Whispers in the dark.
All the light sources grow dim, and shadows pool thickly.
Sinister whispers echo.
Oh, wow.
Oh, wow.
All, everyone within.
Some sinister whispers and anyone around who can hear them.
So all of you.
Oh gosh, uh, everyone give me a corruption test, please.
No.
Okay.
Uh, so that is going to be your Conviction. It's difficulty 3.
Conviction. What page is that on? That's been a bit...
There it is.
Yeah, it's on there, yeah.
Uh, good.
Hell yeah.
No bonus die, right?
Um, no, no, uh, no bonuses.
I'm gonna take 2 glory! As I have the most corruption, do you actually mind if I take
2?
Fine.
Thank you.
I get 4! Oh, I get 2. Damn, I thought I was luring.
I don't know what I got yet.
Zedek also got a 4. He is pious and resolute.
He is pious and resolute.
Ah! Piebrain! 7!
And a glory.
And a glory.
Um, so you are hindered from this as, like, dark whispers reach into your mind,
Reeb Van Horn, and they say, there's a reason it's down here. He's doing more than just
not looking after his ship. There's a reason it's here.
Uh, as the, the grub itself begins to wither and die, um, but as it, as it does, uh, Reeb,
you also gain a point of corruption.
Thanks!
You're welcome.
Now you're a real inquisitor.
The, the giant spray of acid hits over everything.
Listen, I'm still at level 0, pure. I'm still fine.
Mm-hmm.
I would like to roll Gallows Humor.
Okay.
We don't need that right now.
I do. I'm exhausted.
Uh, uh, give me just one minute. Keep talking.
Sure.
Well, that was, uh, that was horrible, but we could be a bit worm for wear. But you know what?
Worm likes worm!
We'll just keep sludging along, I guess. Look, I'm, I'm really fucking these up today.
I liked worm!
Oh, worm?
Well, worm!
Why use that on me?
Uh, you're gonna get, you are going to get Fellowship, uh, fuck. Here you go. Do the
Fellowship roll.
Hm.
Yeah!
It's the Four of the Glory!
Yay!
So how many shock do we get back?
Icons plus rank.
So, five.
Yes.
Face.
Well, maybe more, but I don't know. Probably enough to bring us to max.
Well, rank three, and technically we have four icons, so it would be seven.
Yeah.
Not, so you, you, you're Gallus Humor, ever, all of you get a good chuckle, and even Landon is like,
I suppose you are somewhat useful, Zen.
So they say. So they say.
The heart of the-
The fear runs down his cheek.
Of the team as, like, the, the, the generator unit, the, the Philadelphia.
The generator unit, the, the filtration begins to activate and the water seems to clear up.
How often do you have to come down here and deal with threats like this?
This is the second time.
Ever.
The speed at which you said, ever.
I take pride in knowing that not everything is, could be my fault, knowing that things started going really fucky as soon as we all started traveling.
I see.
Hmm.
This is the first time.
Well, Zen, it seems, it seems you are doing quite well here, Reap.
You have stalwart companions, it seems.
As I'm in a corner vibrating with energy, like, yeah, I'm running!
After he's incurred a point of corruption that is telling him that Captain Zedek has such a bad run of ship it may be considered that, you know, it's intentional rather than just incompetence.
Yes, he is absolutely with him.
In the hands of good companions.
I will be in the system for a bit.
I believe this vessel is heading to Fimbria Majoris now.
Wait, why are we going to Fimbria Majoris?
The fucker is on Fimbria IV.
Pie, our presence was requested.
We have to go back.
Have you not told them, Captain?
No, we kind of got immediately summoned down here by Reap and then the whole sludge thing happened.
So, no.
Why do we have to go back?
Our good friend, Jeremiah Zelensk, has requested our presence on Fimbria Majoris.
Oh, speaking of Zelensk.
Did you happen to get the missive I wrote regarding him?
No, I did not receive the missive.
Oh, let me bring you up to speed.
If you'll come to my quarters for a bit, I will show you the document I wrote up regarding him.
Reap says with a bit of maliciousness.
Of course, but I will warn you, I did, when I came into system, hear that they had summoned you.
As it is my understanding that you are to perform a duty for one of the Primarchs.
One of the Primarchs?
Which one?
We don't know.
They apparently, well, Jeremiah Zelensk said that the missive came from on high and were being summoned for that purpose.
So, your guess is as good as mine.
If this has been confirmed, then that has certainly painted this in an interesting light.
I can tell you exactly what it is, if you like.
What is it?
Well, let's discuss this in a better area.
Let's get out of the sewer.
Yeah, it stinks.
Okay, yes!
This is very good!
Pi is very obviously ecstatic and vibrating with energy.
Yeah, um...
Oh, one sec.
Roll 20, don't fail me now.
Okay.
Um, yeah, and so you head out of the sewer system with Landon walking.
Eventually, you head out and get to somewhere a bit more cozy on the vessel.
Landon turns.
Yes, you see, what you will be doing is you will be traveling to Fimbria Majoris to take on war supplies that are desperately needed on the frontlines.
Oh, we are transporting?
That is correct.
You will be transporting several important containers of equipment personally designated by the Primarch for the Astra Militarum forces on the fourth moon of Fimbria IV.
Ah.
Very well.
What's ending the supplies?
Gratis.
What was that?
What are we...
What does it contain?
Is it just food?
Weapons?
There's kind of this, like, thoughtful pause.
Well, you see...
How can I say this?
The equipment is meant for the frontlines.
It is supplies designated by the Primarch to deal with the ongoing conflict in the frontlines.
To deal with the ongoing conflict in the system.
He is very sad that he will not be able to personally assist as they are only temporarily moving through the system.
So he has requisitioned supplies.
Will we be meeting with the Primarchs personally?
I do not believe so.
Well, they've heard of us, right?
Oh, they have most certainly heard of you, yes.
And what are the circumstances?
What do they say?
I cannot say.
I do not know what goes through the hearts of the children of gods or their minds.
Yes, I know.
But yes, it is very honorific, a good, nice, happy, good time, yes, to know that I reign a servant.
I reign a servant of the Omnissiah and of Forgeworld Lemuria have been bequested with a mission from the Primarchs themselves.
I wonder if they breathe fire like I have always been told.
I do not know.
I have never met them myself.
But I will be departing off at Vimbria Majoris.
You see, what I will be doing is some work, follow-up work with what you have started on the planet.
Particularly with regard to these cults.
Inquisitor Harlan believes they may be connected to this whole situation.
Very likely.
That is what my assumption was as well.
However, we've not had a whole lot of chance to follow up on it other than sending up missives to the Crusade fleet.
Well, assuming you survive this situation on the fourth moon of Vimbria IV, then you will be authorized to continue your investigation into this Devacopy.
Well, my plan is not to die, Landon.
So, presumably, we will continue this.
I will hope. The fighting on Vimbria IV's moon has become quite intense.
Yes, I was told that...
These supplies are direly necessary.
I understand.
Um, will you be sharing more word of a...
Oh, what was it?
The Melkior individual?
Will you be investigating them?
If so, I am the Chief of...
Chief of Security.
And my...
The Chef of Security.
No, the Chef of Security is Belba.
I did that one in secret.
You traded jobs with her?
No, I am the Chief of Security.
Landon puts his hand on your shoulder, Pi.
Like, the metal glove on your metal shoulder.
Thank you, friends.
I have all the information I needed from you.
Be safe out there.
And then he takes it off.
And walks away.
Down one of the dark corridors of the Death Collector.
Landon.
He walks into shadow.
Yes, Reap?
My quarters, if you don't mind.
I've ruined me two there.
There you go.
And then he disappears.
And that's where we're gonna end today's episode.
Woo!
Woo!
Yes!
Hey, cool.
They're the orcs.
That's right, they are.
Remember?
Remember.
Vimbria IV.
Vimbria IV.
Yeah.
No!
Orc time.
And there might be some individuals waiting for us.
We'll see.
We'll see what happened to that planet.
What is going on with us now, boys?
That's right.
The orcs!
As we begin to leave, I hope you all give our players a hearty wag, starting with Spickety,
playing as Guitar Ranger Pybrain.
Yes!
I am Spickety.
I am one of the lead writers of If the Emperor Had a Text Speech Device.
I am the voice of Vect and other things.
And you can find me on Twitter at SuperSnakeKick.
And I love you all very, very much.
Next up, Inquisitorial Acolyte, played by Erndil, Reap Van Horn.
Yes, I am Erndil, and you can see me on Twitter, writing things at Erndilio.
I do things.
I retweet stuff.
You can see it.
I don't do much else publicly.
Next.
And HulkyCrow playing Captain Zedek, our resident rogue trader, captain of the debt collector.
Yep, that's me.
I'm HulkyCrow.
You can pretty much find me at HulkyCrow on Twitter.
That's really the only social I keep up to date with.
You can also find me on Zoran's Discord server.
That's Discord.gg slash ZoranTheBear.
I'm the community manager there now.
I'm also a voice actor for TTS.
There's fun things in the works, Q&A sessions to be announced, more gaming events and casual
hangouts.
Please stop by.
I'd be happy to talk with you.
And, of course, our amazing game master, our add-on code, GM Thurston Hillman.
Thank you so much for an amazing session today.
Thank all of you and all your faces.
Also, special thanks to my partner, Jamie Eastfeld, at Jamie Eastfeld on the tweeters,
for drawing the cover of that.
Love and Death's Zetiquette erotic fanfiction, which I'm sure you all loved.
Of course.
It was delightful.
So good.
Really delightful.
I love books.
That's it.
That's it for me.
I'll see you all next week for Fantasy.
I look forward to it.
We're here every weekend now.
It's next week's Warhammer Fantasy.
That's right!
Remember, go to warhams.tv to see our schedule on the schedule menu area to see when we're
live.
See you next week.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
Mwah!
What did my copy of Zetak get at?
To be continued...