Stuff Christians Should Think About

This episode contains the insights of Dr. Rev. Ebenezer Oke from Akura, Nigerian. He is still a very close friend of mine that grew from my teaching trips to Nigeria from 2005-2010. Not all, but much of this content is from Ebenezer's 2-part essay he posted on Facebook.  It is about the absence of having real friends, what a real friend is like, and how to become a good friend. It is about how isolation from a few good friends begins to feel like poverty in the human experience. 

What is Stuff Christians Should Think About?

This show is a series of subjects had come to my mind overtime that I have thought of often and deeply. I'll be sharing through these episodes my study and my own personal thoughts of how a Christian processes Current Events, Facts, Biblical Teachings, Theories or even just Simple Subjects regarding Christianity and life's challenges.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Hello, everyone. This is Ron Porter, your Christian podcaster, and I welcome you to today's episode entitled the poverty and lack of genuine friends. 80% of what contained in this podcast is from doctor Reverend Ebenezer Oki. I've inserted a few sections of my own contributions and parts where where I will mention that these are my additional thoughts. But this journey of life essay is from Doctor.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Reverend Ebenezer Oki from the Life Development Center in Akura, Ondo State in Nigeria. Prior to me delivering his message on the poverty of friends, it is best if I clarify what many would classify as friends. Historically, one might resonate with Robin Dunbar's categorization of the level of friends or relationships. Robin Dunbar is a British anthropologist best known for developing the Dunbar's number, which is the idea that humans can maintain about 150 meaningful social relationships. Please take note of the data I'm about to provide to you of the many so called friends in Dunbar's theory.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Within what is referred to as the Dunbar theory, researchers describe five layers of closeness. First layer is just one to two people, would be classified as an intimate, that could be a parent. Those are family members you are close to. The second layer is five other people, which would be considered very close friends. The third layer would be 15 people, which would be classified as good friends.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

The fourth layer is 50 people, which are classified as close acquaintances. People you know well enough to invite to a party or call for help. And the fifth layer is a 150 people. Should include a broader social network, neighbors, co workers, casual contacts. Today's podcast will be focusing on the second level of up to five very close friends.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Yet we will explore whether or not five might be too many to be included within the context of the teaching of this podcast. Here's what he taught. While he sent this post from within the context of communities and the political scene in Nigeria, the implications of his thoughts and message I'm sure would resonate with anyone within a family or with any tribe or country. Begins with the proverb. Proverbs 17 verse 17.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity. The phrase a friend loves at all times emphasizes that genuine friendship is not conditional. A real friend remains supportive in prosperity and adversity Unlike fair weather friends who disappear when difficulties arise. True friendship is constant. Proverbs 18 verse 24 says there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

And in John 15 verses 13 through 14, Ebenezer highlights these verses. And this one says, greater love has no one than this to lay down one's life for one's friends. So his introduction of the journey of life's friendships begins here. The poverty of lacking genuine friends is one of the most devastating forms of poverty in the human experience. It is deeper than lack of material, more crippling than financial insufficiency, and more isolating than physical hunger.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Material poverty can often be alleviated by opportunity, intervention, or hard work. But the absence of true friends create an inner emptiness that money, titles, or achievements cannot fill. There are realities in life that money can't purchase or produce. Wealth can buy comfort, convenience, influence, and even temporary admiration. But it cannot buy loyalty, sincerity, or sacrificial companionship.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Genuine friends are gifts forged by intentionality, shared values, mutual respect, and consistent commitment over time. What is the value of genuine friends? A genuine friend is a stabilizing force. Scripture affirms this truth as our aforementioned verse that says a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity. The constancy or consistency described here is what separates true friendship from mere association.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

A real friend is not simply someone who walks into your life during moments of success. They are the ones who walk in when others walk out. Quality friendships do not happen by chance. They must be cultivated. Like a garden, they require patience, commitment, and honest communication.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Friendship forged on the principles of trust and mutual growth become lifelong anchors, especially in a world where betrayal, jealousy and self interest are increasingly common. I'd like to add right here of my own thoughts. Doctor. Ebenezer's point here is powerful. Every person needs a friend that they can truly trust.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Someone safe to confide in when life feels heavy or when they're wrestling with sin. A true friend guards that trust. They don't betray it or pass along what was shared in confidence unless you're given them permission. And let's be honest, friends don't disguise gossip as spirituality. Passing along private struggles under the banner of a prayer chain isn't care, it's betrayal.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Real friendship protects, it doesn't expose. Then back to Doctor. Ebenezer speaking on the costliness of true friendship. Ebenezer writes, genuine friendships are expensive, not in currency but in character. To maintain healthy friendships without joining unhealthy alliances, secret societies or soul binding loyalty groups requires discipline and integrity.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

It will cost personal convenience, time, ego, pride, and sometimes comfort. But the investment is worth every sacrifice. And I might add, we've all experienced this. There are friends who will go the extra mile, meeting with you, praying with you, even showing up with something you need. And then there are those who settle for a quick text on their phone.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

I'm praying for you. How are you? A question like that can't really be answered in a text message. Why is it done this way? Well, because in our modern reality, with two minute text lets them check the box they had to do or felt to do and move on.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

But true care requires more serious conversations should happen face to face or if distance makes that impossible, at least by phone, FaceTime or Zoom. Real friendship takes time, doesn't use shortcuts. Back to Ebenezer. A true friend demands sincerity, not pretense. Consistency, not convenience.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Truth, not flattery. Because of this many people avoid the work of real friendship and settle instead for superficial networks. But superficial networks fail when the storms of life intensify. The social landscape of today in Nigeria in the global context has made the poverty of genuine friendships even more visible. Social media has created millions of connections but very few true companions.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Many people succeed publicly, yet suffer privately because they walk alone emotionally. Economic pressures also shape social relationships. In a society where many struggle to survive, friendships can easily slip into transaction. People become valued for what they can give, not for who they are. This creates a social environment where betrayal is common.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Loyalty is rare and envy erodes trust. Why you must pursue quality relationships? In the journey of life, the quality of your friends will influence the quality of your destiny. Scripture teaches two are better than one. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

That's from Ecclesiastes four nine through 10. No one rises alone. Even Jesus Christ, perfect and all powerful, surrounded himself with 12 disciples and cultivated deep relationships with three of them, Peter, James, and John. Here's another truth worth remembering. None of us can build deep, intimate relationships with too many people.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Even Jesus himself chose to confide in just three of his disciples more than the others. And that's a powerful benchmark. So don't feel guilty if you can't be everything to everyone you meet. If Jesus had three intimate companions, then having three people in your own life that you can truly call friends, those you care for deeply and who genuinely care for you is more than enough. Focus on those few because real friendship is about depth not numbers.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Why? Life is too demanding, unpredictable, spiritually intense to be walked in isolation. Relationships determine direction. Direction shapes destiny. Make good friends.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Make fewer enemies. In Romans 12 verse 18, it says, as much as it depends on you strive to live at peace with all people. This principle does not mean you should entertain toxic relationships. It means you should avoid unnecessary battles and reduce avoidable conflict. The fewer enemies in your life become attractive, the freer your journey becomes.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

This wisdom is reflected in Deleeuferro Temis timely warning in his book Don't Die in Their War. He exposes how political and social conflicts, often created by power hungry elites, drag innocent people into battles that are not theirs. In the same way, many individuals become casualties of conflicts they never initiated. Choosing genuine friendships help you avoid being trapped in the war of others. Here are some practical ways to stay out of the war of relationships with your own friends within politics.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

First, don't fight for politicians. Their battles are about power, not justice. It's okay to demand systematic change. Citizens must push for reforms rather than defend corrupt structures. Also think critically.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

That's an awareness that is the first step toward liberation. And then choose truth over tribalism. Reject divisions that politician exploit to maintain control. The poverty of lacking genuine friends is a silent crisis that affects everything from emotional stability to spiritual growth. It's a form of poverty that no amount of financial wealth can cure.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Therefore seek authentic friendships, not convenient alliances. Invest in relationships rooted in character, not self interest. Avoid unnecessary enemies. Value those who stand with you in adversity. Become the kind of friend you also desire to have.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

In a world filled with noise, betrayal and uncertainty, genuine friends remain priceless. They are the strength you lean on, the mirrors that tell you the truth and the companions who help you navigate the difficult sessions of life. To lack such people is a deep poverty. To have them is a profound blessing. Then these are an introduction section on relationships shape our identity.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

The journey of friendship becomes even more significant when we consider how profoundly relationships shape identity, character, and destiny. The absence of genuine friends creates vulnerabilities that often remain hidden until crisis reveal them. In this second section, we're exploring deeper dimensions of this reality and offer practical guidance for building life giving friendships in today's complex world. Then there's the hidden dangers of walking alone. Life is not designed to be lived in isolation.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Every season requires support structures. People who strengthen your faith, challenge your thinking, and anchor your emotions. When these structures are missing, individuals experience a subtle form of emotional and psychological poverty. Isolation breeds confusion. It magnifies fear.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

It deepens insecurities. When a person has no reliable sounding board, they become vulnerable to poor decisions, manipulative influences, and unhealthy relationships. Remember the scripture warned whoever isolates himself seeks his own desires, he breaks out against all sound judgment. That one is from Proverbs 18 verse one. Walking alone may feel safe in the short term, but long term isolation invites chaos, weakness and vulnerability.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Friendship is as a protective covering. True friends provide covering spiritually, emotionally, and socially. They see danger when you miss it. And I might add they specifically point out the specifics of the danger for you. Now let's get back to Ebenezer's fourth practical pathway.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

A friend who loves you will tell you the truth. Even when it's uncomfortable, such voices prevent you from entering traps dressed as opportunities. They also defend your character in your absence. A genuine friend does not participate in gossip or slander. They stand against falsehood because they value loyalty.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

They also hold you accountable. Accountability is not control, it's love in action. It is the willingness to say this path is dangerous and I care too much about you to stay silent. They strengthen you in spiritual battles. Life is not only physical, it's deeply spiritual.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

When the enemy attacks genuine friends become intercessors lifting you before God just as Aaron and her lifted Moses hands in Exodus 17 verse 12. Without such coverings a person becomes exposed to relational, moral, and spiritual dangers. Why do many struggle to build genuine friendships today? Well contemporary culture has silently reduced friendship to benefits and convenience. Several factors make real friendships increasingly rare.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

First type is transactional relationships. Many only relate based on what they can get. Once the benefit disappears, the relationship dies. This is weakened globally, the trust in one another. And then there's social media illusions.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Thousands of followers cannot replace one good true friend. The digital age has given us visibility but not intimacy. And then there's the fear of vulnerability. People struggle to open up due to past betrayals. This fear creates emotional walls that block potential friendships.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

And then there's hyper competition. In environments where survival is difficult, some see others as threats rather than partners in growth. Envy and insecurity destroy potential connections. Then there's misaligned values. Friendship cannot thrive where values conflict sharply.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Without shared principles, interactions remain shallow. Understanding these factors help us navigate friendships wisely and build relationships that last. There's the discipline of becoming friendship worthy. Many desire good friends but forget a crucial truth. To attract quality friendships, you must become the kind of person others can trust.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Genuine friendship thrives on our integrity, like people trust those who are consistent in public and private. Gratitude, ungratefulness destroys relationships faster than betrayal. Loyalty, it's like standing with those who stood with you. Empathy, understanding your friend before judging, listen before reacting. Lastly, respect.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Training others friends and our own with boundaries, values and dignity with seriousness. Friendship is just not about finding the right people. It's equally about becoming one. Friendship and destiny. Every destiny is tied to relationships.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

God often used friends as channel of divine purpose. David needed Jonathan. Moses needed Aaron. Ruth needed Naomi. Paul needed Barnabas.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

And Jesus valued his close circle within his disciples. Destiny accelerates where the rite of friendships exist. Destiny suffers when isolation prevails. The absence of genuine friends leaves a person exposed to destiny killers, Those who exploit vulnerability and crush potential. Friendship, peace, and the wisdom of fewer enemies.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Continually creating enemies drains emotional energy and disrupts progress. Striving for peace is not weakness, it is wisdom. Scripture instructs, if it is possible as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. That's from Romans 12 verse 18. A peaceful life allows you to channel your strength toward growth, purpose, and meaningful relationships.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

There's a warning in that book, don't die in their war. That teaches that many conflicts in society are manufactured, becoming entangled in unnecessary wars, destroying friendships and diverts people from their purpose. You want some practical pathways to building and sustaining genuine friendships? Here are seven ways. One, pursue alignment, not popularity.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Look for people whose values, faith, and worldview resonates with yours. Quality is better than quantity. Two, be a safe place. Confidentiality is the backbone of friendship. Never weaponize someone's vulnerability.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Third, communicate clearly. Misunderstandings destroy friendships when silence replaces dialogue. Please let me insert here that the practice of silence is just a coward's way of saying no, or revealing they really don't care about the other person. When a person remains silent when you ask them an important question, or when you seek specific advice in hope for an honest, wise answer, and you receive no reply, and that practice is repeated, it may be a sign that it might be best to seek out another friend or companion. Invest time.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Friendship grows when time is intentionally given. Busy schedules weaken bonds. Five, forgive quickly. No friendship survives without grace. People make mistakes.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Extend understanding. Sixth, celebrate others. Jealousy poisons relationships. Celebrate your friend's progress without comparing it to your own. Seven, walk away from toxicity.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Not every relationship is meant to continue. Letting go of toxic connections opens the door for healthy ones. Regarding healthy relationships shape our character and destiny. The poverty of lacking genuine friends is more destructive than many realize. It affects emotional health, spiritual strength, decision making, resilience and destiny.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

In a world increasingly shaped by self interest, superficiality and distrust, cultivating genuine friendships is both counter culture and essential. Choosing your friends with wisdom, invest in them with sincerity, guard those relationships with integrity, and refuse to walk through life alone. Because the right friendships are not luxuries. They are necessities for a meaningful, stable and purposeful life. There you have it my local and maybe global listeners.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

While Doctor. Ebenezer's context is within Nigeria, his teaching is for the globe. His teaching illuminations of scripture, his practical advice and tips are for the whole world. And I'm honored to contribute to his message. So that's it for today.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Something more to think about. Do you have too many friends or no friends at all? So think about that for a while. Think about those thoughts. Pray about those.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

Pray about any next steps that you could maybe put into practice from the tips and Ebenezer's advice in this podcast. I will attempt to make this podcast transcript available if you have a desire to print it out. So until next time, everybody. I hope everybody is doing well. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and until next time.

Ebenezer & Ron Porter:

As always, have a great day.