E4: Meet Don Strickland - My Road

My guest today is Don Strickland. He grew up in small towns and big cities in Texas, and spent the last 40 years in Austin raising a family and growing his career in computer technology for companies such as Schlumberger and Apple. A few years ago, Don made a decision on how to travel one of the hardest and most meaningful roads, a human faces.

 

He invited all who braved it to travel and learn and grow with him. I invite you to lean in and enjoy this journey with Don at the wheel.

Portrait by John Langford
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Don’s Blog: My Road (2005 – 2020)
Donisms: Favorite sayings of Don remembered by his friends and family.

Don’s Music References:

About Walt Wilkins

On Spotify and Apple Music

The album Plenty on Spotify and Apple Music

Between Midnight and Day on Spotify and Apple Music

Songs About Texas Music Video and Tribute to Don by Walt Wilkins

 

About Darden Smith

On Spotify and Apple Music

Blessings on Spotify and Apple Music, by Darden Smith

 

Wonderful Tonight on Spotify and Apple Music by Eric Clapton

 

Don Strickland Memorial Playlist on Spotify– these were Don’s favorite musical artists with a few additions from friends and family.

Don’s Book References and Complete Show Notes:
How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life by Scott Adams
Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit
Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell
Books by Yuval Noah Harari
Mortality by Christopher Hitchens
Foundation Series by Isaac Asimov
The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday
Stillness is the Key by Ryan Holiday
The Bible
Orwell’s Roses by Rebecca Solnit
Recollections of my Non-Existence by Rebecca Solnit
Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities by Rebecca Solnit
Anticancer: A New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber

Don's Obituary by Jan Chapman

Our treasured Don Strickland – husband, father, brother, uncle, cousin, grandad, mentor, and friend – slipped out of a failing body and into the next adventure on Thursday, October 27, 2022. The love of his life, Jo Ann, was by his side, as she was for over 41 years. Don made a brilliant and inspiring 4-year effort to live life to the fullest while coping with the gradually disabling effects of glioblastoma.

“Please don’t let this event define your lives in negative ways,” Don wrote 3 years ago. Nothing would please him more than knowing everyone was moving forward now with joy.

Don was born on May 27, 1955 in Waco, TX to Walton and Jane Strickland. He grew up in small towns all over Texas - the son of a Baptist preacher. Don enjoyed a close relationship with both of his parents as well as with his siblings – older twin brothers Walt and Willie, and younger sister, Suanne.

He met Jo Ann in 1980 at South Main Baptist Church in Houston. They were engaged after three months and married seven months later. Their early years together were fraught with miscarriages and infertility, but they ended up wildly blessed with three amazing children – Ben, Conner, and Abbi.

Don was a mentor/helper/teacher in his personal and professional life. He worked for 23 years at Schlumberger and 20 years at Apple, where he - quite passionately - specialized in helping people simplify & master their interactions with computers. He loved what he did, including helping friends and family by introducing them to email and the internet before anyone had heard of it, and supporting them with his technical expertise the rest of his life.

There was never a stranger in Don’s orbit. He enjoyed meaningful conversations and wouldn’t hesitate to engage anyone he met in one of those deep-thought exchanges. He liked authentic contact, deep dives into all subjects, and shared connections with people of all ages and identifications. He liked to day trade, write, hike, play disc golf, laugh, talk to his children, listen to great music, eat Jo Ann’s biscuits, and share meals with friends. He was also an avid bicyclist, riding up to 100 miles at a time until his body wouldn’t allow it, which is when he discovered the recumbent bicycle that enabled him to continue to pedal to his heart’s content. His frequent rides on the recumbent bike often included his brother, brother-in-law, or Jo Ann – all of whom will be forever grateful for the introduction to recumbent biking and the hours pedaling alongside Don.

Family was Don’s greatest joy. He was not at all hesitant in his expression of love, admiration, and pride when it came to his wife and kids. He supported every adventure, twist and turn in those humans’ lives – an “I’m always here for you” love that will be forever deeply missed.

He ran a good race – living well past the 12-18 month prognosis he was given in 2018. He used the time well – connecting with friends and family all over the country for those long and meaningful conversations he so enjoyed, devouring books, and getting out of bed every day but the very last two with a resolve to take in everything he could.

Don leaves these dear ones to grieve: his wife, Jo Ann; children Ben Rhodeland and his wife Amelia, Conner Strickland, Abbi Hearne, her husband Callen and their daughter Hyder; mother Jane Strickland, brothers Walt and Willie, sister Suanne, and a multitude of favorite cousins, nieces, nephews, in-laws, and friends.

Included among important family members who left ahead of Don are his dad, Walton Strickland, his dearest mother-in-law Emily Hugg Holmberg, and his father-in-law Art Holmberg.

Don had a blog for many years on Wordpress – titled, My Road. The banner across the top of the site includes this quote from his beloved former pastor, Browning Ware: “On every road, there is a wilderness. Through every wilderness there is a road.” 

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What is Little Big Voices Podcast?

Most people I meet have a story/voice that compels me - sometimes for a few minutes - sometimes for a lifetime. I'm drawn to the little/big voices who wish to speak - wish to be heard - wish to matter. These stories help me understand myself and my place in the world. Maybe they will light your path and keep you company on your journey as well.

- Mark.

Mark:
Hi everybody, this is Mark Caddell, and you're listening to Little Big Voices from Austin, Texas.

My guest today is Don Strickland. He grew up in small towns and big cities in Texas, and spent the last 40 years in Austin raising a family and growing his career in computer technology for companies such as Schlumberger and Apple. A few years ago, Don made a decision on how to travel one of the hardest and most meaningful roads, a human faces.

He invited all who braved it to travel and learn and grow with him. I invite you to lean in and enjoy this journey with Don at the wheel.

Welcome Don. I’ve been looking forward to this – maybe for years. How did life get started for you?

Don:
I am a middle child with two older brothers, three years older, that honestly, I don't really remember a world that didn't include them. That's where life starts for me - is the four children and mom and dad. I remember a dog that we had named Puff. We lived in a big city. All of my early memories are things in that big city, Fort Worth.

And then my dad accepted call to his first church in northeast Texas at Spring Hill near DeKalb, and Spring Hill is still there, and the church is still there. That's where I learned to swim in a watering hole. That's where I went barefoot to school because it was such a small school. They didn't have a post office.

Mark:
Are you glad you spent your life in Texas?

Don:
The short answer is absolutely, and at times I'm ashamed to be a Texan. I don't care to argue with anybody about my faith versus their ideas of their faith. I am more interested in learning from any of the characters or humans that we know that lived before us, and even ones that maybe didn't actually live, and they're just part of a myth. Even myths are great things to learn from. This is core to me. It's, part of who I am and I am happy about who I am. And, in a few days I'll have a granddaughter. (tears)

She's the daughter of my daughter. The first time I saw my own child, everything changed about children, and I'm guessing that that's gonna happen also with my granddaughter.

Mark:
What do you wish for your granddaughter?

I hope she falls in love with life. I hope she falls in love with learning. I'm crying with a joy, just because that idea is something that's just beyond my imagination, you know?

Mark:
I know.

Don:
And in my lifetime, we walked on the moon and some people didn't believe it.

Mark:
Do you remember where you were? When you saw that?

Don:
Yes. I was watching it on a black and white TV in Mom and Dad's house in southeast Texas in a little town called Barbers Hill.

Mark:
How do you feel about watching that black and white tv and there's a very good chance your granddaughter will go into space.

Don:
Yeah.

Mark:
How does it strike you that your life is spanning that kind of history?

Don:
Indescribably exciting. It'll be hard for her to answer the question, “When did I start education?” When I started, it was kind of imaginary to go to other parts of the world. And then by the time I was in school, my Mother's twin sister lived most of her life and raised her family across the Pacific, and we got to see them every five years or so.

I'm saying this as though I'm saying it to my granddaughter, but, but now as she's about to be born, her parents will take her all over the world. That'll be normal for her. I haven't been to any other country other than Canada. And one other. Nobody would call me a world traveler and my youngest child is already a world traveler and her daughter - there's a good chance that she'll get to go to the moon or Mars or maybe just to a space station in space.

That's imaginary stuff for me, but it's so close that my oldest son has actually applied to do that. That's not imaginary. There are people that are preparing themselves to leave this planet, not just going around the planet, but going possibly to live in space for, you know, years, I guess. That's amazing.

That's science fiction in my world, and yet it's now real. So, I hope that my granddaughter falls in love with all of those ideas and more of them than not will become real. That's wonderful.

Mark:
What would you like your granddaughter to know about your parents?

Don:
Hmm. My Dad had one job. He moved to different locations to do that job, but he was a pastor. He got through his education. He listened to all the teachers. He honored all the teachers, and he learned to be a pastor. My mom was literally called a teacher when she got her first job.

Mark:
Do you think you value education and teachers because of your Mom?

Don:
Yes. They taught me to honor the people that were teaching me. And I valued teachers because I love learning things. And to be clear, I definitely had some bad teachers, you know, so unfortunately, you have to learn to protect yourself because humans are sometimes dangerous, even good humans. That's the challenge - is to navigate the space between protecting yourself and learning.

Mark:
Do you wanna talk about Garym or no?

Don:
Sure.

Mark:
Tell me a little about Garym and how Garym has impacted or influenced or sharpened this view of life - this desire to learn?

Don:
That's a great question. First of all, it's important to understand, Garym has an odd spelling, G A R Y m, Garym is a tumor that was discovered in my brain almost in the middle of my head. It was too large to ignore and required immediate medical intervention. That was three and a half years ago. The experts that helped me respond to Garym told me that I, if I did certain things, that I would live possibly a year and a half. Maybe less. So, I did the things they advised and here we are three and a half years later.

Mark:
Tell the audience how Garym got the name.

Don:
Oh yeah. So, sitting at a table with my family, we've just eaten the first meal that I got to eat after coming out of the hospital - recovering from surgery to remove as much of Garym from my brain that was safe. First, I'm super thankful that I had the good fortune of having a really amazing surgeon that could see the images of Garym and let that guide his hands to remove almost all of Garym. He said maybe 95%. So, I've had that surgery and I'm back at home and I'm getting to enjoy the first meal back home. And, that meal was mostly made by my kids. So, we've enjoyed that meal, it's a wonderful thing, and I'm just celebrating the fact that I'm still here and surviving that whole ordeal, and I decide we need to name this tumor because there's gonna be a lot of conversation about the tumor, and I don't want to say tumor. I said, “Let's pick a name”. And we went around the table and there was various kind of predictable names, like “Toomie” and you know humorous names. I think they were mostly sarcastic initial responses, but one individual just said, “Gary” and I looked across the table at her and I pretty quickly said, “Gary, it is” however, we're gonna put a silent m at the end to distinguish the tumor from other people named Garym. I quickly realized, oh, this is, this is gonna be fun to tell people why I call it Garym.

Mark:
Your family cracks me up.

Don:
We are driven by our love for each other. We're all creative people. They’re multiple musicians, they're artists, they're scientists. We even have somebody that's practiced standup comedy.

Mark:
How has Garymm altered or changed or enhanced or given jet fuel to your philosophy of life?

Don:
My family kinda laughs at this, but I love telling stories. I love answering any question anybody asks me? Jet fuel. That's a great reference. The first actual straight up answer is focus, and it's a little bit ironic because having a thing removed from your brain can be very distracting. The surgery I went through, I was awake for the surgery. To be clear, they put me under, then they opened up my head. Then, they carefully brought me back close enough that they could talk to me and ask me questions and determine that I'm still working. I can still answer questions. I remember this. I remember parts of those, you know, some of those questions. I remember being asked, “Don, do you know what a giraffe is?” And I said, “Sure”, and I described a giraffe.

When you've been told by amazing doctors that there's something in your head that has to be removed or you're gonna be dead in three months - it’s pretty high motivation to get it removed as much as I could. As I recovered, there's the idea that you're about to die. And that will focus you. Most people don't get that kind of a warning. Somebody fighting a war might suddenly die – or a friend shortly after my tumor was discovered, died on a freeway. We would say that instantly, but I'm realizing that many of the things we say about death, are just concepts that we make up to talk about it. Things like dying in your sleep or died peacefully in his sleep, eh, probably not, maybe sometimes, but I'm guessing often death is not as sudden or clear or,,, most of the things we say about death are probably just stuff we've made up because we don't know.

Mark:
One thing I noticed soon after Garym was you were talking about reading a lot more. I'd like to talk a little bit about what you're reading and especially books you'd like to tell your granddaughter about.

Don:
Hmm. In my life before Garym, I rarely read for fun because my whole life reading has been really hard and, in my career, I have to do lots of reading because my career is about a changing world that's just changing at a pace that just hard to comprehend.

So, I haven't read a bunch of books, and I've always known that that was a deficiency. Really tried to become a reader multiple times, but it just doesn't work for me. There were maybe five or six books that I could name before Garym that I had truly read. I wasn't proud of that, but it was just true.

One of my sons is a ferocious reader. He agreed to read to me because he knew that I missed that in my life. After Garym, I can't read enough.

One is called How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win. That's by Scott Adams. It is a spectacular book.

I really enjoyed several books by a woman named Rebecca Solnit. One of the favorite titles was called Men Explain Things to Me. I love a book that I read called Talking to Strangers. It's really about the challenge of talking to each other and doing that gracefully instead of telling each other what to do or you're doing it wrong.

I've read a series of books by an author, Noah Yuval Harari. He grew up in a different country across the Atlantic ocean and is a super smart guy, and his books are about the long-term progress and lack of progress of humanity. Let's get to the list.

Mark:
Mortality?

Don:
Mortality. Oh, yes. An outstanding book. Thanks for bringing that one up. That might be the first book that my son read to me.

He's a great writer. He was writing that book about having cancer while he was dying of cancer. The very first thing in that book that stuck out for me and gave me language to deal with Garym is that in this century we talk about cancer in two different ways. There are people that are dying with cancer because we know they're gonna die.

That's what's gonna end their life. And then there are other people that we talk about living with cancer or some variation of that. Because we've learned to treat their cancer and eliminate it. I had a perspective on that because this isn't my first experience with cancer and the previous cancer that I went through many years ago I knew wasn't gonna kill me.

Mark:
You got some other books?

Don:
Yeah.

Mark:
I'm enjoying hearing about these books.

Don:
I am reading a series of books by a famous science fiction writer named Isaac Asimov. Garym, by the way, affects my ability to say names, so I'm sorry to all the writers that I struggle to say their names. Foundation Series is a fascinating story. That's one that's just really inspiring.

An entirely different author named Ryan Holiday, who actually lives in Austin, Texas. I read a book from him called, The Daily Stoic, and the important book is Stillness is the Key. I immediately related to it. Some people would think it's mystic. It's similar to things I learned from the Bible. I think it's just a different take on the same idea of being still.

Let's see. Orwell’s Roses by Rebecca Solnit is a huge inspiration to me. She is an author that has very prolific and very smart. Also, another book by her, Recollections of my Non-Existence. One of the things that she's famous for might be an idea that's confusing to my granddaughter; feminism.

Another book by Rebecca is Hope in the Dark and is very inspirational to me. You know, sometimes life is super hard, and we might say we're in the dark, and she taught some hope for that. Let's see if I can quote a couple of things. I've mentioned Rebecca many times: “Change is rarely straightforward. Sometimes it's as complex as chaos theory and as slow as evolution. Even things that seem to happen suddenly arise with deep roots in the past or from long dormant seeds.” There's a moment where she says, “The answer to most either/or questions is both.” I thought that was inspirational.

One of my favorite attitudes is various versions of, “It is until it's not”, or “It is, except when it's not.” A particular example of that is there are so many things that are true except when they're not. She talks about trees and nature. It seems like she's an expert about everything. What it turns out is she is really excellent at doing research on the topic that she's talking about.

She's not somebody that's gonna make something up or just accept what somebody else said. Another great thing is, “Never to get lost. Is not to live, not to know how to get lost brings you to destruction. Somewhere in the terror incognito, in-between lies a life of discovery.” I connected with that because my life suddenly changed and I was lost shortly after that. I was completely preoccupied with survival. My life was threatened by Garym and I had to respond to that. Fortunately, I had science and doctors and my daughter-in-law gave me a book about changing my diet, and my wife and I read that book together and changed immediately. That book is called Cancer, A New Way of Life.

A friend began to read poetry to me. In fact, that's reminding me that music was so important to me. I had lived in Austin, Texas since 1982. One of my early friends introduced me to a very young singer-songwriter, Darden Smith. When Darden was getting started, I would watch his show in very small venues in Austin, and then years later I went to go see Darden in a large venue and there were so many people there and down front, the first three rows were college girls that were just crazy about, you know, “ahhhh, Darden Smith!” Here again, years later, I'm still listening to Darden Smith and I bought his latest album while I was in the hospital and listened to it over and over on my phone.

Mark:
Blessings.

Don:
Blessings. Yeah. Another example is Walt Wilkins. I don't even know what to say about Walt. His music was playing as we were setting up for this event. I listened to that same album yesterday and this morning. The album is called Plenty. I love a song on Plenty. It talks about the time between midnight and dawn, and maybe it's obvious how valuable that is to me, but also my wife and I have a connection with Walt. He borrowed money from us to make his first commercial recording. I want to mention that because it's not about me, it's about Walt. I just love supporting art. I'm so proud (tears) that I helped Walt become a thing in that way, in that small way. Music is so important.

Mark:
Let's try another visualization.

Don:
Okay.

Mark:
Imagine your granddaughter in a rocket and it's an hour before liftoff. What three songs do you send with her?

Don:
Songs about Texas by Walt Wilkins and Blessings by Darden Smith. The third, I'm gonna cheat a little bit and just say, jazz. It's such a wonderful music. I'm just gonna say jazz. You know what I realized, a fourth song Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton.

Mark:
What are the two books you hand her?

Don:
That is super hard. The first one is the Bible. Read it. Learn from it. And don't be distracted by all the questions you have. I hope you never stop wondering or asking questions about the Bible or any other idea. So that's one. I'm gonna say, Orwell’s Roses by Rebecca Solnit

Mark:
She says, “I gotta go. It's time.” And she's heading in there to get strapped in and prepare. What do you leave her with? What do you say?

Don:
Test everything.

Life is hard. Harder than you want.

Learn to learn.

Learn from mistakes. Yours and everyone else's.

Practice, what you know.

Look for patterns everywhere.

Love includes grace and forgiveness. Everyone needs grace and forgiveness.

Guidance is incomplete, including this guidance.

Balance is important.

I love you. (tears)

Mark:
Thank you for being here today, really being here. She's the lucky one, your granddaughter.

Don:
She is. I believe that too.

Mark:
Don Strickland has transitioned to his next adventure. He reminded us during the process, “Please don't let this event define your lives.” Nothing would please him more than you and I reading more books, learning, and rigorously and lovingly discussing our ideas and challenging each other to become our best selves.

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