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You’re tired.
Not just physically; though yeah, that too.
You’re tired in your bones. In your soul.
Trying to be a steady husband, an intentional dad, a man of God… but deep down, you feel like you’re falling short. Like you’re carrying more than you know how to hold.
Dad Tired is a podcast for men who are ready to stop pretending and start healing.
Not with self-help tips or religious platitudes, but by anchoring their lives in something (and Someone) stronger.
Hosted by Jerrad Lopes, a husband, dad of four, and fellow struggler, this show is a weekly invitation to find rest for your soul, clarity for your calling, and the courage to lead your family well.
Through honest stories, biblical truth, and deep conversations you’ll be reminded:
You’re not alone. You’re not too far gone. And the man you want to be is only found in Jesus.
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about coming home.
We're looking at the wilderness again. This is part four of this six week little series here. It's Monday when I'm recording for you, and I always say that, uh, you need to be nice to your pastors on Monday. I, um, I preached three times yesterday, which is a lot for me. Three is woo, my max and I preached on Gethsemane.
I'm in Mark's gospel where Jesus is in Gethsemane. It's a heavy text. Jesus looking at the disciples and saying. I'm sorrowful even unto death. Like what a weighty place in the scriptures and big, heavy, um, themes to carry. And so this morning I, I woke up after preaching that and just feeling like empty.
It's like all week long. I prayed and fought and prayed and fought and studied and, and then you spill it all out with this like fusion of adrenaline. And then you lay down on a Sunday and you wake up Monday and you feel it. You just feel totally empty. And I call that pastor's fatigue. And so I'm feeling that today and I was kind of wrestling with that this morning.
And it's fascinating how we can go from. All of this adrenaline and all this passion and conviction on Sunday to discouraged week and empty Monday. And maybe some of you guys, maybe you work in sales or you're working on big projects and you push, push, push, push, push, and you have all this excitement and adrenaline, and then when the project's done or the the task is complete, you wake up feeling just kind of pointless and.
Man, I'm just feeling that today. And when I feel those kind of lulls in my soul, those kind of swings in my soul. Oftentimes I'll think about Elijah and Elijah's wilderness, and so Elijah, of course, on Mount Carmel calls down fire and 450 prophets of Baal come to their end, and he's the man of the hour.
He's God's man. He knows God's power. He knows conviction. He's a prophet. When Jezebel hears of it, you remember she says essentially like, may the Gods do the same to me if I don't have your head tomorrow. And Elijah runs. And so we see Elijah have this moment of great power and conviction and, and authority, and then just, you know, hours later, he's lying under a broom tree in the wilderness.
And one Kings 19, four tells us that he prayed, um. He said, it says this, 19 four says he went alone into the wilderness traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and he prayed that he might die. I have had enough Lord, he said, take my life from, I'm no better than my ancestors who have already died.
So calling down fire on a mountain in one moment, the next moment he's laying down under a single broom tree, which doesn't give a ton of shade. It's kind of like. The image is that it's, it's super desolate and he's laying down and he says, Lord, I've had enough, take my life. I'm no better than my ancestors.
And that is super relatable. Okay? Super, super relatable. And so sometimes you find yourself in the wilderness and in the wilderness of your soul and you're wrestling through and frustration for me this morning, I got up, had a coffee. Read my Bible plan. It's so important that you're on a Bible plan, man.
Get on a Bible plan. As I'm reading the Psalms in my Bible plan for the day, I come to David saying, um, bless the Lord and forget not all his benefits. And as I'm listening to David command me to bless God, I'm kind of picking myself up from my wilderness fatigue. And so anyway, Elijah is laying down. He says, God, take my life.
I wanna die. One commenter, commentator Paul House says essentially he's quitting on ministry. He's, he's kind of quit in his heart. I'm done with being the prophet, right? I'm done with being a great man of power. And as he's quitting on ministry, he says, Lord, just take my life. I'm done. And what we see right away is that, um, Elijah's frail like us, and this is what leads James to say, right, like Elijah.
Was a man with a nature like ours. Elijah was a man like us, yet he prayed that, that there would be no rain, and for three and a half years there was no rain. And he prayed again, and Heavens gave their rain and the Earth produces fruit. James is trying to say that like, look at the power in Elijah's life, but remember his moment of real depression and weakness and frailty.
Elijah was a man like us, an empty man like us at times. And so we see him laying under this broom tree, and he says, take my life. The first thing that I wanna say is, man, when you feel, and this was for me today, so I'm talking to myself today. Okay? When you feel empty and when you feel fatigued, and when you feel gassed, the first thing you need to do is do not take yourself too seriously.
Okay? So him saying, take my life. I'm no better than my ancestors. Like the, the pride of that statement is huge. But also there's this tendency to like get yourself into a funk and then to take yourself so seriously. So if you're there friends, if you're like me on this Monday, feeling a little bit gas, a little bit frustrated, remember Elijah and laugh at yourself.
Okay. Elijah's saying, take my life, but just a few chapters, he's gonna be back at ministry and. He's gonna have Elisha as his servant. Now he's got a minty and he's gonna pass his mantle off. Like one day he's gonna be swept up in a chariot of fire. He is not even gonna die a natural death. Like God's still got plans for him, but he's, he feels done.
And so he takes himself so seriously. It's laughable in hindsight, um, but in the moment it can feel big. And so the first thing I wanna say is like, if you're in the wilderness right now, don't take yourself too seriously. Don't make big decisions. Don't sell your house. Don't apply for new jobs. Don't decide you're quitting on your marriage like you're you.
You're gonna have highs and lows of life, big emotions, adrenaline and fatigue. Just like Elijah, chill, laugh at yourself. The first thing you need to do is laugh at yourself. Number one, everybody in the room don't take yourself too seriously. Now, what happens when Elijah pray this prayer? He says, I'm done, Lord, and take my life.
I. What happens is really fascinating. God sends an angel and the angel brings Elijah bread drink. So God doesn't send an angel to rebuke Elijah. He doesn't look, which I would do, right? Like you've just called down fire. How are you crying under a broom tree Now. Like, get up, dude. Like pick yourself up on your bootstraps and make something of yourself, man.
That's what I would say. But God does it. He sends an angel with a meal. Man, the kindness of God for us, even in our kind of pity parties. How kind, how merciful, how benevolent, how gracious is our God who sends an angel, not to rebuke him, but to feed him and. That's helpful just to remember that God's posture towards me is not laughing and mocking God's posture towards me is the posture of a father who loves me.
And so he lifts my head when I'm struggling today. He doesn't mock me. And so the second thing I wanna say is this, like there is a time and a place to acknowledge that you're exhausted and that you're frustrated and to care for your physical body. So notice that the angel brings bread. It's like, it's like God's saying, Elijah, you're hungry and you're tired.
I, I have one daughter in particular who gets so hangry, like, so hangry, and she's got like the, the kind of blood sugar issues. And so sometimes she'll throw herself on the ground and she's like, ah, like life is awful. And I'll just like quietly go get a little bag of animal crackers. Start stuffing them in her mouth and then it's over.
And I'm not mad at her because she's, her blood sugar's low and she's got, I just know what's going on. And so it's like God, in his infinite wisdom and grace sometimes just knows what's going on and he may say to yourself like, it's okay to care for your physical needs. You need to care for your physical needs.
You cannot live all four hours of sleep. You need to sleep. And our wives are so good here. My wife is a saint because some days she will look at me and say, Caleb, you've been running, you're caring for people. You're praying. You're preaching. Today. We are gonna have lunch, and you are gonna lay down.
She'll say, like you, you're doing too much. You are doing too much. And it takes a humility to allow our spouse to kind of shepherd us at times. We're obviously the leaders of our home. We all believe that, right? But, but your spouse is your help bait. And, and sometimes we're kind of each other's first line of defense.
And so my wife sometimes, like this angel will come to me and say like, we're going to eat and sleep and, and humble yourself and say, all right, yeah. Need to care for my body. I would even say this, um, sometimes I've, in my counseling with people who are really dealing with depression. Anxiety or frustration or just wilderness.
Sometimes the first thing they want to do is jump to these ideas of spiritual warfare. Now, I believe in spiritual warfare. I think the enemy can be really, really frustrating a hundred percent. I pray prayers, again, of armor, of God, prayers every day. I believe in spiritual warfare, but sometimes what people wanna do is they wanna go straight to, Hey, I'm in this season and everything's demonic, and maybe so, maybe there is some demonic stuff happening.
But sometimes the best way to address this kind of season from a clearly pastoral and pragmatic perspective is to start with the physical. And so if I'm going, Hey, I am feeling really kind of crazy and I feel frustrated and stressed and I can't sleep, and I, I I, sometimes the simple thing to do, rather than going straight to this is all demonic warfare, is to start with like, okay, um, let's, let's take, make sure you're sleeping.
Let's look at your diet. Are you vitamin deficient? Um, you can actually a approach it from the physiological, the natural first. And sometimes, um, that's helpful because the enemy, we've talked about this before, but the enemy doesn't wait until you're healthy to attack you. He usually attacks you when you're sick, when you're tired.
And so sometimes you can pray those kind of prayers, Lord, um, cover me. I plead the blood of Jesus, put on the armor of God. But it's helpful to like. Are you vitamin D deficient? And, um, so I'm, I'm a holistic kind of man, man. I see my doctor and I talk to my doctor about how I'm feeling and my doctor's got me on vitamins vitamin B every day and helping me in other ways.
And like, you need to take care of your natural body if you're, especially if you're in the wilderness. Particularly if you're in the wilderness, you need to take care of your natural body. Um, as men, it's super important that we take care of ourselves spiritually, take care of our souls, our hearts. Our minds and we take care of our physical body.
It's really, really important. So God feeds Elijah rather than rebuking him. I would think that Elijah had a good, strong rebuke coming, but instead he gets fed. Praise God. And the other thing I would say here is that like you do have to in humility, let people minister to you and let God love you. It's easy in the wilderness to get.
We call it navel gazing, to start looking at yourself and start critiquing yourself and being really frustrated with, I should have done this. I could have done that. I thought I was better than this. It's, it's wise to lean back and sometimes and let God love you and just receive his ministry and just, God, I know that I failed.
I know that I'm not perfect. I know that I acted in a way that was unwise. I know I'm struggling, but I just, today I choose to remember that you love me. I was reading again this morning, David, in the psalm saying, uh, praise the Lord and forget not all his benefits. And so in my feeling gassed and frustrated and tired, I'm going like, Lord, today I'm gonna remember your benefits, forgiveness, and mercy and intimacy, and that you love me, that I'm a son.
And so, three, let God love you. One. Don't take God, don't take yourself too seriously. Two, take care of your physical body. Three, let God love you. Four. I wanna say this, after this Elijah is taken, remember he goes into the cave and he's, he's got the earthquake and he thinks God's in the earthquake, but he's not in the earthquake.
And then he thinks God's in, uh, the wind, but God's not in the wind. And, and then the fire and God's not in the fire. And these are all kind of ways in which we would think about God showing up, particularly in like. Near Eastern, Eastern culture, the idea that that deity comes with thundering power. And so Elisha's looking for the drama, for the dramatic, looking for God to move and the big things.
And then finally, God just whispers. And in the, in the whisper and the small voice, remember he hears and he, he kind of trembles. Um, and so I wanna say this. God, God loves us in the little things and it's, it's easy to, in your frustration, go, God, I want you to show up man. Shake this place. Like raise the, like Dad, do something big.
Do something dramatic, like, I need you to do something dramatic. And, and sometimes he will, and that's always awesome. Super cool. Other times, and maybe most of the time it's a soft whisper. The soft whispers that have changed my life are just, Caleb, I'm for you. Okay? I'm like, Elijah, laying in the wilderness going, I wanna quit ministry.
I'm tired. It's Monday and I'm tired. And no one responded the way I wanted them to respond. And, uh, no one appreciates me and I'm gonna quit God, and would you just kill me now? And then the whisper comes and it's just, I'm for you. And that, that little. Gentle soft whisper shakes to my core. And so I wanna say, man, if you're in the wilderness, like, read your scriptures slow and just listen for the gentle nudge of the spirit that that is, that is so many times the mo of God to just gently nudge you for just to gently love you.
And so, Elijah, looking at the fire, the, the big earthquake, god's not in any of it. He's in the just gentle whisper. The last thing I wanna say is that God starts to give Elijah instruction. This is actually where God tells Elijah to go find Elijah, his predecessor. And so what we see is this kind of like renewed vision.
Elijah said, I quit, I wanna die. I'm done. And God said, here's a snack, take a nap. Meet me here in this cave. And. No, I'm not in the big drama. I'm not in the earthquake. Like I'm not in the fire. I'm not in just gentle whisper. Here I am Elijah, and this is what I want you to do. Pick yourself up. Go get Elisha, throw your cloak on him.
We're we're gonna, we got some things left to do. We got some ministry left and so the, the gentle voice of God restores Elijah back to purpose and back to call and to get back to the task. And so. Man, I think that's really beautiful is that in the wilderness sometimes we lose sight of vision. Like not just who am I, but what am I created for?
And then in frustration, we quit on it. We go like, I don't wanna do this anymore. Um, I think this is where dads oftentimes, like we obviously have a fatherless epidemic and our nation, there's an epidemic of fatherlessness that, that I experienced like dad. My dad left. I don't know, maybe I was two or three and it was kind of strange.
I think my sister was like nine or 10 and my brother was six or seven, and so he had kind of stayed around for a while, especially in my sister's life. And I don't know, I've heard different stories of what happened. My dad's past now heard different stories of like he was really depressed or he was struggling with, I don't know, he had a hard season of life and he left.
And I think there's this temptation guys. Hit a wilderness, hit the mud and go, my wife doesn't appreciate me and my kids don't know how good they have it, and I've done all the right things and no one really sees. And then you, you, you work up this narrative in your mind and then you, then you start saying to God like, I'm done.
I quit. And you, and you walk away and may not think that enemy gets us. How many times has the enemy gotten dads that way? And what I wanna say is like. Let, let God love you again. Maybe the, the, the, the benefit or the wisdom that Elijah had was when he laid down under the broom tree, he prayed, God, take my life.
Now his prayer sucks, right? And his prayer is, I'm quitting and I'm done. But he at least his communing with God still. In his communing with God. Rather than bringing a thunder bolt of rebuke, God just looks at weak, frail Elijah and says, have some food. And I love you, God's mercy. His kindness leads me to repentance so many times.
How kind is God? And then God again. He doesn't show up in the thunder. He doesn't show up in all the, the lightning and the fire just is still small. I love you. I'm here. Again, I, I've heard God just, you kind of whisper in my soul, not audibly, my soul just kind of filled with I'm for you. And, and that gives me the strength and the courage to get back to work.
And so just some practical thoughts here that I want you to jot down. Um, and, and maybe revisit from time to time if you get to these seasons where, like me, like you had big, a big high and now you're living in a big low, um, number one man, don't take yourself too seriously. Laugh at yourself. I like to be dramatic, man.
I'll say to my wife like, it's all coming to an end, and I'm just expressing that this is actually how I feel, but I know it's stupid. I know it's silly. And my wife will say like, it's all coming to an end and until we go get ice cream and then everything's gonna be better. And so laugh at yourself. Don't take yourself too seriously to rest and care for your body.
Okay? Caring for your body is wise. Yes. Sometimes the enemy is coming for our minds, and you, and I'm all for, by the way, like a good old fashioned fasting and praying session. Like I, I think there are times where you need to just, you know, I always use the language, like, put your forehead in the carpet and cry and pray and ask for the intervention of the spirit.
I'm all for that. But sometimes in wilderness, like you, you actually, you, you're vitamin D deficient and you're not sleeping. Maybe you're, you're not getting any kind of exercise and you're, you're eating like garbage to try to keep going. Like, there's some stupid easy things you can do right away. Take care of your body.
Three, let God love you. Yes. Maybe you made a mistake. Yes. Maybe you're a dramatic yes. Maybe you're immature. I don't know if you've recognized this or not yet. God loves a lot of immature Christians. He actually does not withhold his love from his children because they're immature. Sometimes he lavish it more, right?
Like I was talking about this week, this weekend, but my, um, my youngest is four, so in my house I have ages four to 19. There are eight kids currently in my house. It is a rec center, is what I say. My youngest is four. He's a really tender like. Sweet kid. I love him so much. I pick him up every day and I just tell him like, dude, I love you.
I want to eat your face. I don't want you to grow up ever. Like I just adore you. Just adore you. My older kids, I might say, when I get home, if they say, Hey dad, how was your day? I might say, man, it was a hard day. Like, I'm struggling a little bit. Um, but it's all good. I, I might show my older kids. More of my burden, but to my immature one, I primarily just love this knot outta that kid, right?
Like there is in our early seasons of life, in our immaturity, God just loves it and so it's okay. I'm saying all that to say this, it is okay in the wilderness to lay down and say, God, I, I know I'm immature. I see now that like. My responses are immature and I'm tired, and I'm frustrated, and I should be further along than this, but I'm not God.
This is where I am and it's okay to lay there and then to let God love you and just to go thank Jesus for the blood. And Lord, I celebrate that my immaturity doesn't make you love me less. Nothing I do earns or loses your love. You just love me. So three, let God love you, man. Let God love you. Four I.
Listen for God's voice in the small things, right. Read your scripture and just let God kinda gently speak. Don't, don't look for the drama and the big like. Sometimes we get into situations and we're like, God, if you don't put a million dollars in my bank account, if my business doesn't prosper tomorrow, then then, then I know you're not real or you don't like quit all that drama stuff.
God. God loves to speak in the little things, so look for God in the little things. See his presence in the little things. Hold your kids, look 'em in the face, and remember the goodness of God, right? Like I like to look my kids in the eyes and just to let my heart fill with joy. God gave you those little things, right?
And it's so good to give us these little things. Thank God for your wife. Just be thankful for the little things. See God in the little things, the still small voice. And five, allow God to renew your vision again. Sometimes you're going, I quit. I quit. I quit. I quit. Um, sleep it off. Eat some food. Wake up tomorrow and just do what you know to do.
Get back in the saddle. Do what you know to do. Allow God to renew your vision, to remind you of who you are and what you're called to. And sometimes you have a bad day, you throw a fit, or you have a bad season, right? Wilderness feels like a season. It feels like weeks of drought and um, sometimes all that matters is that you get back up and you keep moving again.
That's why I love the spiritual discipline of Bible plan, because I didn't wake up this morning going, I'm so hungry for God's word. The discipline is like, uh, what I'm gonna get back up and just do what I know to do and love him and be thankful. And so in Elijah, we really get this picture of high highs and low lows and in all of that, God's mercy and God's love and, um, his grace for us and for our immaturity.
And isn't it wonderful to think that God still used Elijah? Like Elijah lays on the ground after he just seen fire fall from Heaven. He lays on the ground and goes, God, I quit. I'm not doing this anymore. I don't want to be your man. I want to die. Yet, one day, God's still gonna sweep him up in a chariot of fire.
He is not even gonna die. He's going to, he's gonna have a supernatural ending to his life. And one day Jesus is gonna stand on the Mount of Transfiguration with his three disciples, Peter, James, and John, and Moses and Elijah. Elijah gets to see. Jesus incarnate yet in all of his glory on the Mount of Transfiguration, even though he do a spiritual fit in the wilderness, like God's got plans for you man.
He's got plans for, he's gonna use you. Lean in. Alright, love you guys. We'll get back to it next week talking wilderness stuff and I hope these themes help you to process and to lean in and to keep pressing, uh, even when you're struggling. Alright man. Bless you.