Hot... Not In A Good Way

There will come a time for many of us when the notion of "feeling hot" will morph into something different, better, worse, weird... In this episode, Jen and Jillian chat about something that most humans with ovaries (and society at large) don't: your first hot flash. Have a listen and share your thoughts with us at [e-mail].

What is Juicy Bits?

We created Juicy Bits because we wanted to continue the conversations that we start out on the trail and on the chair lift. Hosted by our CEO Jen Gurecki and Ambassador Jillian Raymond, they talk candidly about everything from dude soup, to sex, to politics, to equity in the outdoors. We occasionally (read: frequently) drop F-bombs, interview some of the most interesting people in the outdoors and beyond, and say things that many of us think but don’t feel comfortable saying out loud. If you are easily offended or looking for something that is G Rated, this is not the podcast for you. But if you love truth-telling and irreverence, get ready to laugh, cry, and maybe pee your pants a little bit. 

0:10
burnin Ring of Fire

0:40
Hello and welcome. I'm Julian Raman, the CO creator of juicy bits and a coalition snow ambassador.

0:45
And I'm Jen Gurecki, your co host and the CEO of coalition snow. For those

0:50
of you who are new, get ready to laugh, cry, and maybe pee your pants a little

0:55
juicy bits is about taking the conversations that we start on the chairlift and at the trailhead, and bringing them to you to explore alternative narratives that challenge the status quo about what it means to be a modern woman in the outdoors.

1:09
Grab your helmet because sometimes it's a bumpy ride. FYI, friends this podcast is for mature audiences. So you've been warned. Let's get to work and use the patriarchy insomnia

1:23
never being able to remember anything

1:30
heavy cramping, and heavy bleeding during your period.

1:38
Lots of crying at all sorts of times which might have to do with the world but also crying

1:48
inner rage, outer rage at things like a you know, stepping on a pine needle

2:01
a feeling of internal fire. Like literally like your insides are on fire. And there's nothing you can do to cool your body down.

2:14
Yeah, sweating, sweating during the day when you're cold sweating in the night to the point of waking up in a small pool.

2:24
Thinking that what is going on with your body must have to do with spirits possessing you only explanation

2:37
really, I wish that could explain all the other horrible experiences that we are currently in and that we have to look forward to. In this next stage of our life. Why do we get this Jen and men just get to buy like a yellow Corvette and fucking move on?

2:59
I don't know because the world is unfair as we know, but also maybe I feel like maybe going through menopause. And clearly perimenopause, which is what you and I are currently going through. Maybe there is like lessons to be learned about life that will make us more resilient in that is something that men don't get me maybe there's some gifts in having to endure these things, but I don't know only time will tell.

3:35
I'm getting like the gold award for fucking bullshit on that one. Bad shit. Okay, that was like the hippies shit that has ever come out of your mouth. You must be in a high like estrogen. progestogen, like happy place right now. Because, yes, forget nothing. It's fucking hippies. But the point of being like, Oh, this will be my great teacher of resilience and life. I don't know. I'm looking to survive this and I don't want to suffer in silence. But I really have a hard time when I'm like, Okay, so now I'm looking at my long list of self care. I already do Mike my wine and chocolate intake slash that's maybe has to change. Slash now I have to watch all the things that are communicating with my brain and my gut health and all this. It just seems like more fucking work to keep myself in any sort of stable place. And I already feel like I'm working really fucking hard all day, every day. So yes,

4:37
so I mean, I will tell you, you know, I've been meditating a lot. So I think that that's what you're probably picking up on is like, my, I am like, accepting. I'm accepting a lot of things. I'm moving on. But um, I don't know. I do think that. I do think that it is it like it's going to be really hard to have to figure this next part of our life. And it's one of those things like, I didn't think about menopause until I had my first hot flash, which I had in May at the age of 43 when I was on holiday in Mexico, and I woke up in the middle of the night, sweating, thinking that maybe I had food poisoning, but then the human being next to me, was not ill. And we had eaten the exact same thing. So I said, Oh, in my mind, I'm like, Well, it can't be that. And then the sweating turned into this fire this, I felt like my insides were on fire. And I started yelling, their spirits, their spirits inside of me, like that was the only thing I could think of into in the morning of what was going on. And I turn the fan on and light underneath, and I was just laying out the band and I was suffering. And then when I woke up in the morning, I thought to myself, Oh, that was a hot flash dummy. And I and I spent the morning just Googling all of this right? And what what what struck me about that experience was I would consider myself to be someone who's in tune with my body and in tune with, with all the things that happen to women's bodies. And yet, I was completely unprepared for this. And that really surprised, like, how is it that we don't have these public open conversations around menopause? It was like, it felt like I was having my period again, for the first time. All over it when you're like, Oh, this is happening. But I think the difference is everyone talks to you that your periods gonna come. No one talks to you. That perimenopause is coming that menopause is coming. No one, no one talks about it, probably because no one wants to talk about women getting older. But man, that was a that was a moment. And now now that that happened to me. And I'm talking more to people. It's happening to so many women want to talk about this?

7:12
Well, that's why I'm glad we're talking about it. And not that I have. I don't have a lot of answers right now. Other than I think, not feeling alone in this, and then to your point of not being completely caught off guard. So I can remember growing up and I felt like my mother who's no longer on this earth, so I can't really talk to her about her experience. But as a child, I feel like I remember her going through menopause for like a really, really long time. And there would be things around my claustrophobia. And again, her sweating and kind of having these like, rage like moments that didn't really seem to make sense. But all we heard, I'm going through its menopause and menopause. And she would kind of just like exit and disappear. And what I what I've heard from other girlfriends, both, you know, I'm on my phone, I think I'm 42 I'm 42 You're 43

8:00
You already ran 44 Now 44 Officially 34 Yeah, um,

8:05
and were depending on kind of your generation or your relationship with your, your siblings, your mother's, there's a little bit of this, like, nobody wants to talk about it. Nobody wants to hear about it. I even have heard people have experience from their MDS being like, well, it's just, it's menopause. Like, what did you expect? And so I think to your point of like, you're, you're in tune with your body, you're educated about it, but we don't know what to expect, what is an actual, that hotflush feel like, right? Or what does it feel like to then be managing it if they're happening six or eight times a day, um, how they're interrupting your relationships, your friend relationships, your work relationships, and we've taken so much time leading up to this, to care about our professional life, or work life, family life. And now it's like that that pendulum kind of shifts and where the focus needs to be on us. But I don't know that we're given the I don't feel like the red carpets being rolled out for me of like, now take all the time in the self care to make sure you can get through this in kind of a loving way. And I don't want to suffer in silence. So bringing it here, and I'd be really fascinated to see what feedback we get from listeners around their experiences. And really, their their community and their circles of women that they talk to this about and what comes up for them.

9:18
Yeah, and it's it's I agree, I don't have any answers for anything. I feel like I'm asking more questions than anything. And one of the things that I've I've been finding is really difficult to navigate this is that so the insomnia so I'm probably five nights a week. I probably not sleeping last night, I was up from about 230 to five in the morning, and then I will myself up at 630 Like this is pretty consistent four to five nights a week. So the insomnia is this insomnia because I'm going through perimenopause, or is it because the world is still so fucked up? And I'm incredibly stressed out about all my small businesses because you know, global shipping issues and labor shortages, a on supply chain issues like so there's there's that right like we've never I've never had a November in the past decade where I still didn't have my skis and snowboards delivered ever right? So why am I not sleeping? I don't know, what about every day just feeling and not every day, 24 hours a day, but just feeling like just edgy and like shits not right. I thought, you know, Mercury's been in retrograde and all the planets, every planet was in retrograde for four months, right? And it just got like, Mercury just came out of retrograde at the end of October. And so is it? Is it? That is it? Once again. The world is so fucked up, or is it perimenopause, like, so there's the like, so it's it's trying to figure out how do you manage your emotional health and your physical health, when there could be so many different reasons. And for me, I don't go I don't go to the doctor. I mean, I get a breast exam, like a mammogram every year, and I go to the gynecologist once a year, right. That's all that I do. So also trying to figure out well, like, how do you navigate this without going toward pharmaceuticals? I don't? I don't know. I just feel Oh, also, the other thing we didn't mention in the beginning 100% Can't wear my pants anymore. So you know, I had to buy new pants because there's no way in hell, I'm going to die. So weight gain. And again, why am I like, what is that about? Like, that could be a million different things. So it's this super weird time in life, trying to figure out what is causing all of this, but then knowing well, you know, because of the hot flash. Yeah, it's probably a lot of it is menopause. And I can't, I can't You can't fix these things. You just have to learn how to live with them in a better way.

12:12
Well, I so you know, we're a podcast, I love podcasts. There's one that I mean, I'm not like endorsing anything or like you know, we're not endorsing, but one that I've found helpful to listen to talks a lot about the connection between stress and perimenopause and how like stress and I'm going to butcher this because I'm a Doctor of Education, not a doctor of women's health. But what really landed on me and it kind of speaks to what you're saying is the the stress receptors in interrupt our brains ability. Oh, no, I'm totally gonna fuck it up. Okay, it has something to do with the adrenal glands. And if you're, you're super stressed, and your adrenal glands kind of step in, and it stops the production of certain hormones, right. So to your point of like, we kind of have to figure out what's causing this and what we do. It's like if we can reduce stress or meditating, right, the sense of self care, then that can help. But we're not only dealing with the stresses of our own life, we're like dealing with the stresses of the world. And so that like landing on the shoulder where you're like, I mean, there are things that have kept me up at in my role and education kept me up at night. And this is, you know, going back 15 years, you know, a suffering student or a really challenging conversation at work, you know, systemic inequities, and that will keep you up when your brain is just turning what I'm finding right now that fucking blows, right is waking up and being like, wide awake, but there's nothing up there churning. It's almost like a, an alert rain fog in the middle of the night. And I'm like, this is not this is. So this. To me. That's like my first real experience with this sense of insomnia to the point where I'm like, do I get up and read a book? Is this my new time to like, practice Asana, and I'm like, No, it's the fucking middle of the night, I want to go to bed I want to be sleeping. And so I do think there's, there's challenge in like, to your point, figuring out where it all comes from, but then also not having to, to just like grin and bear it and suffer like I want. I want some solutions. I don't want to necessarily be symptom free. But I'm definitely open to the conversations and learning and talking about it. I feel like there was so much celebration around like first getting my period as a young woman, the only time I ever felt really full of information around what all of that meant was when I was trying to go on natural birth control. And understanding my cycle guide wasn't taught about that I taught myself about it. Then there was tons of celebration around, you know, having mica and being a mother and breastfeeding and then after my like six week postpartum visit, it was like by now we take care of your annual pap smear and your breast exam again, and I'm like, hello. There's all this crazy stuff that my body's continuing to go through. And so one of the things you asked him, you know, where we're part of this conversation for me and wanting to bring it to the podcast came From was just seeing a really, really thoughtful but simple article that put it in why we talked so much about, you know, a woman's body and her cycle beginning in her period. And I think a lot of this has to do with still looking at women as just child bearers and that's like our role. So bringing that, that cycle into your life, you're now able to, you know, procreate. And then at the end of life, it's to your point of we don't want to see women getting older. And that is fucking unacceptable. And nor do I think it has to just be like, no one wants to hear about it. It's just menopause. Like, get over it.

15:37
Yeah, yeah, no one want no one. Let's hear about it. It's, it's, it's interesting. After I had that, that hot flash. When I came back from this trip, it was right, right when we were getting ready to launch the crowdfunding campaign for operator light. And for any of our listeners who aren't familiar with opera light, it's a CBD intimacy oil. It's a new brand, a new product that coalition launched this summer. And it is an intimacy oil that is designed to make sex better. It helps you orgasm faster, more intensely. It helps your body produce its own natural wet wetness, like it just get it just gets everything going down there. Well, in my conversations with women about what our prey can do. I started hearing from a lot of other women who are my age and a little bit older, about one of the symptoms of menopause is that you completely dry up and I knew that like I knew that definitely when you go through menopause, your your sexual drive changes. You know, your ability to get wet, like sex can become really paint painful. I knew that that was a thing. But all these women started to come out of the woodwork and talk to me about that and how operator light could specifically help them with that one part of you know, struggling through menopause. I feel relieved that that is not a symptom I'm experiencing. Sex Life is still good. Mm hmm. Just in case anybody's wondering.

17:22
Just in case everybody everybody anybody wondering

17:25
does also in case anybody wants to get on the list like things are good. I might be super irritable and have increased my pant size two times and not sleeping. But I'm like a fucking a gaming it over here so hard. I can I still you know, the sex is still really good. I still get really wet. So you're welcome, kid. But yeah.

17:51
I mean, that would just be so nice to have, we could kind of have the menu of the things because I actually don't feel i i Don't necessarily going back to our recent episode, if you listen to it about what kind of bitch we are, right? Sometimes some of that, like, you know, that hormonal balance imbalance. However, you know, your body sort of regulates yourself, it's just like something we've been dealing with all you know, since adolescence, right? And so sometimes it can be really facilitative sometimes it can just be like, you know, I have that look where it's like, no, you kind of want to walk backwards out out of the room, in case you know, you see what you see and just know that it's not time to tread lightly. And that's fair. But if we could kind of just have that list of the things that we could manage easier than others because to me the sleep thing is like very unacceptable. I'm not I'm not looking forward to any sense of hotflush I haven't had one yet. I'm feeling like I'm over preparing myself like it's gonna be like climbing Shasta in a half a day as opposed to like a day which already kicks my ass. So I'm really you know, thank you to all the women in my life who literally scared the shit out of me to experience that you know, because I don't even Yeah, I just I just think it's such a just such a mindfuck and I've helped dealt with the brain fog because that's very real during pregnancy and during nursing because there's so much just being sucked out of your brain to to care for the other human that you're keeping alive. And that is sometimes it just kind of embrace it because you're just like there's not much I can do and what a concept you know for how I would argue probably both of us Jen on a given day how verbally, like verbally articulate we need to be I'm not being super articulate right now but just cognitively invested in the work to just have this literally like mini lobotomy happen. You're like, Okay, I just gotta roll with it.

19:39
Just yeah, like I know, I cannot tell you that thing. Like that happens. It happens almost every day. Yeah, I I mean, if I wish, I wish it I wish that your menopause symptoms could be kind of ala carte because I'll tell you I will take gaining weight and sleepless nights over low sex strive and not getting wet like that, that's probably my biggest. Because I am I'm starting to figure out how to deal better with not sleeping like I will get up and I'll do things and I just didn't like switching my schedule around a little bit and just also just getting more comfortable being tired, but I'm like, sex is a big part of my life like to say that, that would be a big mental, I'd have to really work on overcoming that if, if if Yeah, my sex life was affected that that is going to be very that's gonna be really that's gonna be a hard I'd be a hard pill to swallow for me. Like I'm pretty worried about that. The rest of it. I'm like, whatever. I feel like I can probably handle it. But that that's gonna be hard.

20:48
Oh, imagine this imagine the hot flash coming during sec. Oh my god, this scenario is could just be horrible. Well, let's think about this information is power. Knowledge is power. And so if we're putting it out there right now that we are non experts in this, we're more just like hashing this out. We're like, girlfriends in our 40s being like, Fuck, this is all on the horizon. It's definitely been I know there's dabbles on my end that I'm like, Alright, Raymond, just get your shit together. And just, you know, don't what I say don't ignore it. But what can you do so I feel like I prayed to like there's a gift right there. If we have listeners that are like, low sex drive, sex hurts, it's I'm not getting wet the same. That's a piece. I think you touch on meditation. Often I don't meditate enough. As a as often as I should. Thankfully, my asana practice is really strong. But it's like the reducing of the stress. So here we are, we're non experts. But I think this is where we have the opportunity to give some gifts out there of how we're managing this. You're not alone. Talk about it. And I think the talking about it. For me, that sense of community around just challenging was I don't even think that's not that's not the right word. Not as common to talk about whether for us it was talking about vibrators, it's talking about the patriarchy talking about anything that would sometimes kind of have certain women we don't talk about that. That's the hush hush. It's like, we can't hush hush about it. We need the empathy and the compassion in the community that people understand what women are going through. And I think our bloggers deserve it too. Because that for them it helps them stay clear of the fucking dumpster fire that we might be stealing.

22:28
Yeah, get it gets hectic over here. I, I I agree with you on all those points in in. I feel like this conversation that we're having here is part of normalizing women getting older. We don't, we don't like we don't like it. When women take up space. We don't like it when women are outside of their lane. We don't like it when women get older like this. They're that's a big that's a big part of this and beyond discussing menopause, even when you think about the way that women's looks are discussed in you know, in terms of well and looking what happened, you know, after COVID like plastic surgery went up, Botox, all those things, you know, looking at yourself in a zoom screen on the computer every day how that like makes you how that makes you feel. But we do not talk about women getting older in positive ways. I think maybe like Oil of Olay has done some commercials around that. You know, we've been kind of sold a few things with it, but um, we don't like it. We don't like older women and we spend a lot of our time trying to look younger, and then I certainly you know, I the thing I do I dyed my hair I'm like 60% Gray if I have to look at gray hair I'm like I can't fucking stand this make it go away. And so I'm certainly you know, not not a brain fog, where's the word? See what happens all the time. I mean, I my vocabulary used to be just outstanding and now I cannot even remember the words that I want to use anywho I'm not perfect.

24:27
They're thinking what's wrong? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? What's wrong? So there's nothing wrong with you so get normalizing it the other piece I feel like we're due to do the 40 and fabulous and then maybe we can also do like fantastic and the 60 and sexy you know I love I love that idea because I want I want each phase to be as awesome as it's been and I've actually embraced and enjoyed getting older though I don't you know, I'm like plucking Aaron chin hairs here and there. You know the dyeing of the hair is very real. mask has been very helpful for that. I was like driving the gals to preschool this morning and I like have like these new wrinkles. I'm not sure where they're coming from. And I don't know. They're new, and they're weird. And then. And so I think in that respect, again, it's sort of normalizing that process that happens. And not fucking giving a shit. No. Brain fog. And my vocabulary tonight is really, really impressive.

25:28
It's because we, it's because we record juicy bits after you and I have both worked like nine or 10 hour days, and you have parenting a child all day. So we I 100%. I give us a pass. But I do think it's important to say to any of our listeners who are much younger than us, and who are probably listening to this, like, Holy fuck, I don't want that to happen to me, I don't want to turn out like this. 40 is all 40 My life has substantially gotten so much better Since I turned 40. So, so it is it's not like, you get older and it's all downhill. Obviously, menopause is something that you and I are struggling with. And we're not super pumped about it. And we don't even really know what Perry metaplot perimenopause which can last for a decade. We're not really pumped about going through that. But let me tell you, I would not treat in my current self for my 34 year old self, I would not I am I have so much clarity on my life, I have a strong understanding of my purpose in what I was put on this earth to do. I feel good about who I am I feel good about the people who are in my life, I am confident in a way that in a confident and in a way that's so content, I'm so content with things I give zero fucks about things you should not give fucks about and that is incredibly helpful navigating this world. So despite the challenges of brain fog, extra weight, hot flashes, gray hair, dry. Insomnia, I'm turning 40 is fucking rad.

27:21
I echo all of that. And I love what i love you my friend. But the other piece is what you were just doing in terms of that kind of don't be afraid audience is I also think we need like mentors and friends within this. So we can like see the beauty on the other side. Like don't worry, you're gonna kind of get through this or here was a great, um, you know, I think of some of the women in my life that are really educated. They're naturopaths and they do amazing things with like hormone and diet. And it's like there are resources and avenues to navigate this we just don't have to do it alone. And then I think it comes down to not having it be the suffering and silence and the hush hush. And so yes, for our younger fabulous women when we're half naked on the chairlift or in the skin drags we're having a hot flash and it's snowing and you know 32 degrees just understand why right? Mm hmm.

28:17
Exactly. Just give have a little bit of empathy for us, give us you know, give us a bit of grace we we are your elders now.

28:31
No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding about that. But um, but But I do think like having if you work if you work with women who are older and you're there there is actually a movement that symptoms of menopause should be part of your paid time off or your your sick leave that like women specifically of that age should be able to have additional sick leave because of how menopause affects you. And so when we talk about all the different inequities in you know, we have the pink tax for women we have the gender pay gap, you know, we have and we also have women actually need more sick leave potentially than men do if all women are going through menopause and while it'll affect all of us differently it certainly does impede your ability to do your job well and so did not have that works in to the system that we need to fucking implode anyways. It was certainly difficult.

29:46
Like brain fog I gotta get that in the contract. Okay, yeah.

29:53
Get that in the contract, get some extra, get some extra days because it's coming and It's really hard to do your job well when you haven't slept all night long. And it's really hard to do your job well when you just randomly forget things and it's like it this is this is real so have have some have some empathy and and have some grace with with women in your life who might be going through this because we 100% cannot control this. And also because we're over 40 We're like we don't fucking give a fuck this is how it is. This is how it is. This is how we're rolling. So it just is what it is now.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai