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On a Forge World moon, the crew waits in line for a space elevator while shoving milkshake-bloated civilians out of the queue. At the top: a black market auction for the stolen stasis coffin, attended by an Eldar sex goblin on a hoverboard, a Ratling riding an Ogryn, and a chaos cult with more money than the captain has ever seen. The bidding war is about to get very literal.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: WH40K Wrath & Glory
Creators and Guests
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Host
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What is Wrath & Glory | Narrative Declaration?
An Ogryn, Rogue Trader, Aeldari, and an Inquisitor walk into a Warhammer 40,000 TTRPG campaign, and it’s everything you expect it to be! Listen in to Narrative Declaration’s run of WH40K: Wrath & Glory! You’ll laugh, cry, and scream “heresy!” as our party journeys through the “Litanies of the Lost” adventures.
Are you drinking on the mission?
Can you come talk about the incredible amount of wealth that you have?
I'm supposed to put something out, you're bald.
What's going on with that?
Who's ready to play another exciting episode of Wrath and Glory?
Welcome everyone to another exciting episode of Wrath and Glory!
It's so good to see everybody.
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Which we appreciate every single one of you.
And of course, all of your support because of these guys.
Because I pay everybody pretty much to come over.
Say hi, do some funnies.
Because I am your host for this evening.
I am Zoe and the Bear.
I'm playing Roos, the Ogryn Warrior.
And I am joined by the amazing people that you could help support, such as Hulky.
That is me.
I am Hulky Crow.
And tonight, as with all of these sessions, I'll be playing the Lex Mechanic of the Ordo Xenos,
Aloysius Hafsig.
And of course, we have Odo.
Hi, hello.
It's me, Odo.
I will be bringing you Kel'rana, the Elder Corsair Psyker.
And then we have Speaker.
Hi, I am Speaker D.
I will be playing Alden Rosh, the Rogue Trader,
Captain of the Conquest Class, Stargallion, the Bird of Paradise.
And our luscious Game Master, Thurston Hillman.
Experience, Bish.
Experience, Bish!
And of course, we're playing some more Wrath and Glory.
We're going through the litanies of a lost adventure and stuff like that.
We're doing, I don't even think that's a canonical order, is there?
Just whatever.
I mean, we're going through the order of the book, so we're on Adventure 3, Dark Bidding.
Yeah, we're flipping through the book.
We're going through some things.
But of course, Thurston, what adventure do you have for us today?
Well, does anyone want to recap last session?
Oh, well.
I'll recap for...
Oh, sorry.
I'm going to do a horse diary.
Oh, shit!
Shit!
Shit!
Hulky's negotiating.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'll recap for us.
No, no.
Hulky, you have this.
Otherwise, it's going to recite for Bruce's diary.
Well, hold on.
Let him get something.
No, too late.
Too late.
Too late.
Too late.
Last time, on Wrath and Glory, the party had recovered from their adventures on the wonderful shrine, which we met orcs and had a wonderful time and nothing bad happened.
But upon the Bridge of the Bird of Paradise, we were hailed to, in response to the lack of cogitators on said ship, attempt to requisition some from a nearby Forgeworld.
This, of course, proceeded to somewhat endanger the crew, as Aloysius messed around in his lab for a bit and did his funny man things, but went down to the surface of the planet to attempt to negotiate with the Fabricator General.
A Archdomina, which I have...
Hold on.
I have my notes right here.
That would be one Archdomina Vakul, if I am not mistaken, on Forgeworld Abacus.
A world of 10 billion people, mostly lifeless tundra, comprising numerous sects of the Adeptus Mechanicus.
Upon meeting with them and being subsequently dismissed, at least the majority of the party was, by the Archdomina,
the good captain was informed that a stasis crypt had gone missing, the contents of which were dubious at best, but were informed to be of lesser importance to tell the remainder of the crew.
As such, the party set out on a little bit of a detective jaunt to find out what happened to this crypt.
Finding out that there is a sort of civil war going on between the various sects of this Forgeworld.
In doing so, and encountering a wide array of corpses,
it was revealed that one Biran Amiga, the animatrix of this crypt, likely had absconded with said crypt,
and is heading to the nearby space elevator, of which, at present time, there should be only one more departure of that.
Trying to solve the mystery of, potentially, who this person was, or where they may be,
the party ended up going deeper into the Forgeworld and encountering a robing gang of, oh, under hivers, you may want to call them.
The Aftercares, I believe, was their name.
The entire time.
The entire time.
That was always their time.
Yeah, absolutely.
That was their name.
The reality was never heard.
Yeah, I'm not going to read the other name at some point and go,
fuck you, Speaker Dee.
No, no, no, no.
But in meeting with them, learned that they likely were not responsible for absconding with the stasis crypt.
Although the, and I didn't write down the name of that one, their head honcho, their equivalent ripper dog,
The big cheese, the homeboy, the homeboy, the loving pal, really wanted Bruce's arm.
But did not get that ultimate.
There were some other silly things that happened during that session, but I'm going to be real.
I think that's like, like a gas stream.
Like, I definitely don't remember the pertinent details.
I remember we got silly.
Skriner.
That was his name.
Skriner.
Skriner, of course.
Look, I remembered his gang, though.
That, that wasn't his gang.
He was just, he was just the chop shop guy.
Thurston, I'd like to spend all of my, all of my raft die.
I would like, I would like to use all of my raft die to narratively declare that it seems like I know what's going on.
Damn it.
Uh, but yeah, no, Skriner was the one who ran the, uh, the tune-up, which was the backstreet cyber surgery locale, uh, where you, uh, learned a bit about the, uh, the aftercares and their, uh, red bionic arms that they all used.
Bam.
Damn.
Yeah, that's what he said.
It was in his notes.
Yeah, yeah.
Why'd you just repeat them, man?
Like, let them speak.
Thurston, Hulky did such a great job of, uh, doing that recap.
I think you should give me a hero point.
I agree.
Odo, what do you think about this?
Um, uh, I, I think that actually Hulky's notes were so good that Zoran should get the, the hero point.
Yay!
God damn it.
See, my plan was to ask you, have you say something, and then I was going to give Zoran the hero point.
You've all now, you've all now praised each other so much.
Give me a ruin point.
You know what?
I agree.
No, give him two ruin points.
No.
Wait, hold on, Hulky.
Now, hold on.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Zoran, I'd like to narratively declare with all of my wrath by that Thurston has full ruin at the start of the session.
No.
Damn.
I tried Thurston.
Thurston, you can't say I didn't try to throw you a bone.
That's true.
That's so true.
That's very true.
Please remember that when you try to critically kill me at some point in the session.
Inevitably.
Inevitably.
Good.
When I inevitably bring upon the death that I have earned.
Oh, that recap.
I think that's where we kind of left off.
I think we were talking to that Rupert Doc and losing our minds.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We were heading off to a thing or something.
Well, at this point, you had a couple options remaining to you.
You've done the sort of forensic.
You went to talk to the Electro-Priests as well.
That was a whole segment.
Yeah.
And Bruce had the flashlight from the Guardsman's Corp.
He'd been dragging around the entire time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So with that, yeah, you, I believe your plan was to go to the space elevator next.
That is correct.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Thank God the space has one of those.
Right?
It's so useful.
We all know what happens in every movie with a space elevator.
It's true.
I mean, it's pushed off.
It's true.
I mean, at least they have a space elevator.
Could you imagine if we had to take the space stairs?
I would now want this.
Basically, the tube or elevator goes go up.
And there's like one servitor who just like for 20 years have been walking up these stairs.
Because they have to put the stairs in or else it's an OSHA violation.
And they have to do it in case the elevator breaks down.
I think, I think the worst thing about the stair, the space stairs that bring you directly to space is that one, there's a line to like begin it.
And two, probably like a queue, right?
So it's like a hundred percent.
Yeah.
So it's like just terrible.
So not only would it take you a long time if there were no people, but like, it's just one person's being admitted at a time.
That's dark.
So as we cut to the line where one person is being admitted at a time.
Oh, I'm glad we got our free pass.
All right.
You talked it into existence.
I'd like to spend a wrath die to say that there's a normal fucking entrance that we can use.
I would like to spend a wrath die to say there not to be one.
You stop right there!
It's fine.
It's fine.
Aldenrush can just bribe him, right?
Zoran, can you mark down, um, both Hulky and Speaker one wrath?
Well, hold on.
Speaker, don't worry.
You still have a hero point.
Are you seriously wanting to spend your wrath die?
To cancel each other out.
Yeah, that's what they declared.
Okay, I'm actually taking it away.
It's going away now.
There you go.
Thank you.
Do you want to spend your wrath die, swinger?
Yes.
Fuck you.
Okay.
Fuck you.
I'll spend mine too.
This is how mutually assured destruction works, asshole.
At hell's heart, I stab at thee.
From hell's ass, I shake at thee.
Yeah.
Wow.
This is the most meta PvP I've ever been on.
I agree.
I know.
It's crazy.
Yeah, this is pretty good.
It's almost like you guys are mad at me for giving some kind of tidbit about something.
You know what?
I was, I try to forget about it.
My brain likes to block out drama like that, but you know what?
You brought it back up and I don't feel bad anymore.
Thank you.
Well, you know, none of that's on recording.
So, I mean, no one knows what I'm talking about, really.
You say that, but they have access to the pre-show now.
They know about the cum man.
Oh.
Easy.
Cut this out.
Easy, don't cut this out.
Easy, cut this in.
Easy, don't cut this out.
No.
Weird Al Yank is a canonical.
No, no, no, no.
Bad.
All right, fine.
Let's, uh, can we play Wrath and Glory now?
No.
Yeah, you're in line.
Oh, yeah, we're waiting in line.
See, this is what's happening.
Yeah, we're in line.
Did you know that we're now in a convention?
We'll have you, Ronnie, for the last.
Oh, I can't put that on stream.
That's what it's happening right now.
I was reading up on some old-world dogs, and you can't believe the shit that happened on Terra in 2010.
Zoran, I, if it weren't for us getting, like, muted audio, I want to play fucking Caretaker.
Like, it's just a burning memory.
It's just the droning.
Ugh.
Well, then.
This is miserable.
There is a person in front of you in line who, like, is kind of, like, keeled over slightly, like, clutching their stomach.
Hey, what's your issue?
This fellow, a bald, larger man, turns.
I am full of milkshake.
Oh.
Hey.
Wow, cool.
Uh, well, would you consider going to the back of the line?
Uh, uh, why?
You know, they say it's, uh, better for your stomach to be standing a little further away from the space elevator.
Yeah, it's got, uh, it's got, uh, uh, 5G waves.
5 what?
Yeah, 5G.
You know, 5, 5G waves.
They're an ancient form of radiation in some more outdated forge worlds.
They'll make that milkshake tummy trouble 5,000 times worse.
That's why we optimized them out.
Unfortunately, this forge world didn't seem to get with the picture frame.
It's a good thing they found out that it actually melted your insides and made the inside of your skin itchy.
It's true.
Yeah, that's probably why your stomach hurts.
It's probably not even the milkshake.
Friend, let me ask you this.
What's the most you've ever lost on drinking a milkshake?
Oh, I, I, oh, I had my first one today, but I'm full of it.
All right.
Well, congratulations.
Oh, would you look over there?
It's a milkshake relief sand.
What?
He turns.
Push him out of the way and walk past him.
Oh, he's out of the way.
He can't get back in or she's cutting.
All right, damn.
Servitors, servitors, this one is out of line.
Put him at the back of the queue, please.
Can there be a storm of flying servitors?
The line compliance, the, like, line compliance servitors come begin dragging him away.
Like, no, no, please, no.
Bruce catches up on the, on how this is working and he goes, he's just shoving people out of the way, left or right as he walks forward.
Just go out of my way.
Excuse me.
Important business.
Bruce here.
I'm more important than you.
Please get out of the way.
I don't want to be here anymore.
Go, go.
As all these people are being fucking devoured by like.
I want it to be like, as soon as they touch the ground, there's like a, like a crawling swarm of servitors going, you're out of line.
Maybe just drag them back.
Like, they're going to like a pit that's like to the left and right of us.
Like, it's like, it's like, we're going through the like third level of hell or some shit.
There's literally like a corpse starch grinder.
The penalty for leaving the queue is death.
Yeah.
You become food if you leave the line.
Space elevator efficiency is fucking important, y'all.
It's true.
Yeah.
So I, I do that towards the front of the line.
Hey, Thurston.
Yes.
Can I get on the elevator?
You need to get through the line first.
Do you have any kind of patient speaker?
God.
You're like a World of Warcraft player.
As soon as you fucking like zone in to like a rage, you're like, go.
Like a millisecond that you're shiny is not in your inventory.
You lose your goddamn mind.
I know.
Should we, should we unboon now?
Should we, should we unboon?
Do we need to unboon now?
I don't play World of Warcraft.
I've only played hit MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV free up to Heavensward expansion.
And I don't take the stairs.
Isn't it free up to Stormblood now?
It's Stormblood now, right?
Oh yeah, but you can play your favorite expansion for free.
Stormblood sucks.
I'm not going to advertise Stormblood.
I refuse.
But he gave us thick boy.
I don't care how, I don't care how fat his ass is, right?
Stormblood still sucks.
That's the official statement of everyone.
It gave us that one song that overplayed itself over and over and over with every pause.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
Stormblood, stormblood.
This goes on forever.
It's everyone.
It's the first you're like, oh, I'm feeling like I'm powerful in it for the 50th.
And you're like, shut the fuck up, please.
There is some nerd at their computer or listening device right now being like, just play the fucking Warhammer.
But I love all these references you're making.
But play the Warhammer.
I want to see how many people are.
Hey, type one if you're getting mad at us in screen chat.
One, I want to know if you're playing Fallen Fantasy XIV right now and you're like, these motherfuckers.
Two, I want to know if you're playing World of Warcraft right now and you're like, these motherfuckers.
Three, if you're like, only thing I want to hear is this adventure and nothing else.
And you're like, these motherfuckers.
That's all I want to know.
Type one if you love the stream.
Type two if you love the stream.
Type three if you love the stream.
Type zero for an opry.
You know, I remember.
Oh, no, go ahead, speaker.
Oh, I was just, I was going to point out.
I was just, I remember, like, about a half hour ago in the pre-stream, like, before we even did the pre-stream.
I'm saying.
Thurston very excitedly telling us, guys, I think that maybe we could finish this adventure in two sessions.
It's now a half hour into the game.
And I don't think we've made, we've made maybe two in-character actions.
This is awesome.
I'm making our way to the elevator.
You know, you know, speaker, before you rudely interrupted me, I was going to ask Roos to make a skill check.
God, do you want this game to proceed?
I'm so sorry, guys.
Speaker!
I'm sorry.
I'm really toxic.
I'm trying to get over it.
I just can't handle it.
I'm really sorry.
I just can't stop it.
Please laboriously describe every step as Roos' sex.
What skill check would you like me to do, Thurston?
Let's go to athletics.
Which involves rolling the D6.
Now, the history of the D6 die goes back to, like, the Mesopotamian era.
And, like, there's even cavemen who usually would carve.
I'm going to load up a lottra real quick.
A lottra?
Anyway, what would you like me to do, Thurston?
Difficulty for athletics check.
Absolutely.
Here we go.
Difficulty 4 coming right at you.
I believe.
I only got a 2.
I'm going to wrath die.
I'm rolling terrible.
I rolled all 2s, by the way.
Oh, no.
You did.
All 2s except for, like, a 4 and a 5.
Like, if I was playing Terminators, I'd be pretty good right now.
That's right.
Rewrolling.
Because, you know.
Okay.
That works out.
I critted on my wrath die, so that worked out.
So, I did succeed in the total of 4.
Okay.
Okay.
So.
And it'll give us the glory.
Yeah.
You're going to proceed through a line of, Speaker, can you roll me 1d6?
Oh, I'd love to.
Yes, absolutely.
Thank you.
Thank you.
That's a 4.
Perfect.
Speaker, I would really appreciate it if you could tell me the next 4 NPCs who Roos has to push his way through to reach the front of the line.
Absolutely.
So, the first NPC is a perfect clone of Horus Lupercal that was created by Fabius Bile in his laboratories.
It is equipped with Cataphracti Terminator armor, as well as a replica of Worldbreaker and the talent of Horus.
It has been in line since, actually, before the Horus Heresy, so it's actually not a problem for any of us.
The next NPC in line is a perfect clone of Horus Lupercal that was created by Fabius Bile, equipped with very much of the same accoutrement.
This one is similarly predating in the Horus Heresy.
The third one is Fabius Bile, and the fourth one is a perfect clone of Fabius Bile, created by Fabius Bile.
Perfect.
I'll push them off.
We can take it.
Roos.
Yeah, yeah.
Roos, with your difficulty for athletics check, you push off two perfect clones of Horus Lupercal.
I don't know why that counts.
This is not a funny joke, but it's really funny.
That was the wrong time to take a sip.
Are we at the elevator yet?
Oh, you're at the administrator of the door.
Okay.
All right.
There.
What?
Why do you sound like that?
Let's see how this one goes.
Why are you acting like this?
Continue.
So, there is a punk-telicious Lex mechanic who is in crimson robes that have been seemingly torn down into strips from decades, perhaps, of intense work.
They look up as Roos, you know, leading the line, reaches the door to the space cell.
They look up as Roos, you know, leading the line, reaches the door to the space cell.
They look up into your eyes.
Hello.
It's that Moe and Homer Simpson, like, image of Moe staring up at Homer looking down.
You know, I'd like to go in the elevator, please.
Me and my companions, any kind of motions to the group.
Why?
To turn to the group.
It won't be going up again.
I'm sorry, I was a bit distracted by the two perfect clones of Horus and Upikao that you closed off the leg.
Currently, like, being crowned by the Corpse Grinder.
World Breaker is stuck.
And that behind us, is that a Chaos Space Marine?
Like, two Chaos Space Marines on this-
Where are we, Captain?
How do you know what any of those things are?
Those are redacted records.
Even I don't know that.
Wait, if they were from before the Horus Heresy.
Well, at first, they were little amoebas, or embryos, rather.
And then they grew over time, I think.
Nice big streamer, but what are we going up, though?
Like those little capsules that you put in the water that turns into a, like, dinosaur sponge?
That's how these clones of Horus and Upikao came down.
Excuse me!
We are here on an attempt to get straight away to-
Excuse me?
Excuse me, sir?
Please, please, please don't, don't, don't yell over the person front of the line.
I'm dealing with the person at the front of the line.
Roos, as Alden would explain, Roos repeats back, Alden's saying.
We were speaking post-haste on, uh, uh, to go to the top, and, uh, uh-
We have an urgent meeting.
Yeah, we have an urgent meeting with, um, uh-
The aftercares.
Uh, the aftercares.
And an auction.
And an auction.
And, uh, uh, the aftercares, hmm.
Uh-oh.
Are we under-
And we're under authority by the-
By the person who runs the planet.
What?
Yeah.
Roos, push him into the corpse grinder.
Okay.
Please give me a difficulty one athletics check.
Absolutely.
I give you a four.
I- I pick him up, and I put him to the side, and I find all the serviteurs going,
You're out of compliance, and I-
Come down.
Ah, shh.
The way to the space elevator is open.
All threats and obstacles have been removed.
Roos punches through the window and presses the open door button.
And he goes, like, got the door open, sir.
Thank you very much, Roos.
I'm glad that we can all support each other through this trying time,
where we've encountered so much adversity.
Now, let us forget and never speak of this ever again,
and I will get into the elevator.
Okay, as you enter the elevator, you can tell that it is crammed with hundreds of people
with very little standing room.
Uh, how important are these people?
Um, oh gosh, that's a good question.
Um, let's see here.
What- what skill do you have here, Alden, that would be-
Um, are you kidding me?
What, what, what, what, what?
Nothing, nothing, nothing at all.
What, what, what, what?
No, no, no, no, no, no, everything's perfect, it's beautiful.
Uh, why don't we give you an iron roll cunning?
Would that make you-
Yeah, I was gonna say a difficulty-
Difficulty three cunning is what I'm looking for here.
You got it.
Uh, that's going to be seven successes and wrath critical that will add one to our glory pool.
Uh, this is the greatest-
Like, this is the equivalent of unwashed masses for a Forge World.
These- these people- these people are on the space elevator for the most menial of tasks.
Hmm.
All right, then.
Um, I'm just going to have Roos sort of push his way through, uh, and whatever happens, happens.
Roos, push your way through.
Whatever happens, happens.
Oh, okay, so, uh, he's like, uh, he's like, uh, he just starts shoving people out of the way.
Hey, hey, what are you doing?
He clashes his head.
Oh, my God, wait.
Oh, my God, Emperor, that man had a head!
Sorry.
For some reason, it was random piano music they played.
He didn't also throw me off.
Yeah, so he's- his head's crushed, and Rust is just continuing to go.
You know?
He's just moving along.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
The Oakwood's uncontrollable!
We must flee.
This titan of flesh, we are too enclosed.
I don't want to die.
I just wanted to ride the space elevator.
The one guy who's just an elevator enthusiast.
He doesn't even have anywhere to be.
All right, Roos, you bet-
You managed to push- push the group forward.
I'm- I'm putting people, like, on top of other people.
Like, I'm making room for us, and I'm making sure our seats are clear.
Like, if someone objects, I'm just like, nope, up you go.
You go over here now.
Yes, Roos, go and stack the paws.
There's, like, a bench, and there's, like, this old, like, you know, woman in her hundreds
sitting on it, who, like, looks up at you, like, squinty-eyed.
Oh, hello, dear.
Sorry, handicap is an over-nobility.
Goodbye.
What?
Goodbye.
Okay.
And then, yeah.
I could have sworn we weren't this heinous a few days ago.
We gotta do what we gotta do, Captain.
Because if we have to wait another instant for this space elevator, then who knows what
will happen.
Okay.
As you've been pushing piles away, Roos, you find that there is a sturdy door.
It's kind of one of those, like, ship industrial-grade doors with one of, like, the spinning hatches
on it, but it looks like it's got, like, the slightest bit of rust on it.
Uh-huh.
But it's closed.
Roos points to the door.
You won't make a deal with that, Shaw.
Well, yes, I would like the door to be open, yes.
All right, Shaw.
I would like to try to open the door.
Athletics three, please.
Okay.
This is the Roos, um, this is the Roos does athletics check session.
Yeah.
For some reason, it keeps seeing the edit card up, uh, it kept, for some reason, it kept
glitching out.
Don't worry about it.
Uh, he's a keep to sin.
So, I'm going to be what?
I'm sorry.
Uh, three.
Okay, yeah.
He's a scene of the four.
Cool.
Uh, you manage to, to open the hatch.
As you do, it opens to an expansive, almost cyclopean space filled with cargo containers
and gear.
The, the air seems to rush into this place, which is mechanically cooled.
It appears as though, and Aloysius, you'd recognize this, um, the, this was just a kind
of, um, I guess the equivalent of like a foyer for the actual elevator itself.
Um, but for at least until now, people have never actually got into the proper space where
they're supposed to be.
So all of these people this entire time have just been waiting, thinking they're on the
elevator and the actual elevator is like, it's like the next room over.
Well, well, like they're all funneled into the foyer kind of room, which is still part
of the actual elevator system.
It's just, um, they're packed in like sardines.
Uh, when in fact there was another room right behind that was just slightly rusted and no
one ever tried to, or successfully open.
Um, can it be like filled with like luxury servitors going, finally, someone has gotten through
the wisdom door.
We can finally serve people with hors d'oeuvres and alcohol.
And there's like plus seats and everything for the ride.
And they, they would say that, but the servitors have all like been, um, neglected, like from
service because no one could get in here.
So they're all just completely like skusk corpses that are in these awful poses with
like the, the food plates all dried up.
Yes.
It could be that.
Awesome.
There could be no luxury.
You see this chamber.
Bruce enters the end.
So I'll bow the way through everybody.
They got chairs.
Oh, they have chairs in there.
Yes, sir.
Never seen one of those before.
I haven't seen, that's, that's ancient Terran technology.
We have chairs on the ship.
No, they don't.
Those are relaxiums.
Relaxiums.
I want the chair STC now.
Are they nice chairs or are they like plastic chairs, like lawn chairs?
Oh, that's, that's a tough one.
Um, because they would be cheap and shitty by our standards, but that's ancient Terran
technology by everybody else's standards.
That's D-A-O-T right there.
Dark age of taking it easy.
This is where just to like completely break down everything.
I'm just like, you know what, you know what, um, Zorn, um, can I phone a friend?
Uh, this is where I, this is where I bring in Erndil to tell us about the chair STC for
the next 40 minutes.
No.
Goes down into the eighth layer of hell or whatever layer we're on now.
No.
All right.
Um, but there are nice chairs, um, as Roos has pointed out, they're luxurious, though.
Um, it appears some kind of rodent infestation may have consumed some of the, the, uh, fine
padding on some of the chairs.
I never expected you to be the most observant one in the party, Roos.
I hardly ever see your eyes.
Oh, she made a thing, sir.
You do.
What else do you see?
My giant friend.
He looks off like this kind of like, as if he's looking to the distance and you can kind
of imagine the black and white footage start to play, and he looks back down and he's like,
things I wish I couldn't see, sir.
Ah, the bitter scars of memories best left buried.
You know, I can perform surgery to help you not think about those things.
Don't touch me, sir.
Okay.
And then Aloysius will walk into the room, both with a nice rotten, rat, rotten in chairs.
I sit on the chair, and that's where I'll remain for the rest of the session.
I like that you're just assuming.
I just like that Oda's like, oh, we're not moving from this elevator for the next, like,
two and a half hours or whatever.
We're stuck here.
This is my life now.
I am going to take a big seat in this Imperial Lazy Boy.
I'm going to kick my feet up.
Are we Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Parking this?
Is that what's happening here?
The epic pose on the Lazy Boy?
Correct.
Excellent.
Good.
Ten out of ten.
What are you doing?
What are you doing, Karana?
I'm sitting in the Lazy Boy.
No, that is a vintage proto-schism Imperial Relaxium.
Those are priceless.
What are you doing?
We don't have the STCs for those anymore.
They don't even exist anymore.
Those are the shitty chairs that Alden has on his ship.
That's dark tech technology.
Get off.
Each and every one of those chairs costs more than you.
Oh, come on.
Aloysius is a luxury for you to afford.
No.
No.
I'm serious.
I've calculated how much worth a human life is.
And these chairs, in my private study, alone are worth many, many more the throne value of an average human life.
Oh, Captain, my Captain, my silly, silly boy.
I am not human anymore.
Hey, I'm still in your bit there, the great Nico on YouTube chat.
They're now called Lazy Thrones.
Lazy Thrones.
Oh, my God.
I'm giving you credit on that bit.
Don't worry.
Check the ammo counter on my hotshot volley gun.
It's empty.
It's not enough.
You're out of ammo.
It's not enough.
I'm still out of ammo from the fucking iPhone world.
Wait, check your pockets for your ship.
Hold on.
We'll do six.
It's missing.
Not again.
Oh, my God.
Hey, guys, didn't we have a game to be playing?
We're playing it.
You're on an elevator.
I said the elevator is going up after I bashed the head out of that operator or that receptionist.
It's beginning its launch procedure.
Call.
Here's a nice.
Here's a nice.
Nice choice.
I don't care.
I don't care.
How about, let's play a game.
I think this is an excellent game.
I love games, Captain.
Yes.
Yes, you'll love this one.
Let's all sit in silence until the elevator has completed its journey.
Okay.
Can I play Roblox so my head's up?
Shut up!
What do we get, Sai, if we win?
First of all, can I make a psychic mastery test?
Uh, yes.
What are you doing?
Please push.
Um, literally anything.
Unbound.
Unbound.
Go.
Do you want to, do you want to cyclically project yourself out of here and just, like,
go transcendent to project yourself out of this space so you're no longer here?
Uh, I'll, I'll, I'll use Scryer's gaze so I don't have to mentally be here.
Here we go.
Okay.
Sweet.
Roll it for me.
Damn.
Okay.
Six successes.
I'm out of here.
Yeah.
Woo.
Kel Rana's on.
Yeah, Kel Rana's just, like, tripping balls on the couch.
Whoa.
Uh, she's ruining it.
Thurston, can I spend the, uh, wrath die for when, uh, Kel Rana returns her senses to her
body?
Um, the rest of the party are lying dead on the ground.
Was that my, was that the backlash for not complicating?
No, no, it's my wrath die.
Can I do that?
Is that allowed?
I was just waiting for you to also be like, Thurston, can I, can I spend this wrath die
to move the plaw to armor a single time?
God damn it!
I will agree that his narrative declaration on the conditions that it gave me.
Sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Is this, is this my new life?
Like, is it like every time Speaker makes some narrative declaration?
Like, oh, he's just fucking waiting in the wind.
Like, well, actually, you see.
Wait.
I'm sounding like, imagine.
Okay, I'm imagining, okay.
Imagine, imagine for a moment me sitting behind my, my, my battle station, my glorious, shitty
little battle station with tented fingers looking pensively over my keyboard and my, uh,
fucking pop filter at my face, waiting, waiting for some snide comment or some inanity to chime
in.
Did you ever think you were really in control?
I'm the only one that's still in control.
And I turned my hotshot folly gun to my mouth.
Dehumanize yourself and face the bloodshed.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I've watched sea beams glitter in the dark near the dead housing gate.
As, as, as the, as the warp is taking us, uh, I assume the elevator is now going up and
people have meandered into the room.
There's all these random, there's all these dead, I assume lights are on, right?
Yeah.
There's just, there's honestly a lot of people are, um, are meandering, but like in a, in
a way that spreads them out, like this space is way bigger than it needs to be for all
these people.
So there is just, honestly, there's just so much space here that these people, like you're
seeing, like people are able to spread out almost like there's a city block between some
groups of people in this vast space.
Yeah.
Um, Kelrani, you're still tripping balls on the, on the couch, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm, I'm, I'm psychically projecting myself into space.
Just like, oh, yeah, just into space to see, uh, how much longer we have to be in the
elevator.
Somewhere more comfortable, like the labyrinth of Zeech or perhaps the balance is going
out.
Well, the elevator is slowly activating.
It's, it's a process.
Um, as that's going on, however, you do, um, realize, uh, you, you feel some presence
in here, some like hostility, um, coming to your senses in, in the area.
At the same time, um, the captain, you, Captain Rush, you noticed that there is a group that
is, I don't know, I want to say, um, couple, maybe a hundred meters away.
Um, kind of just shouting at another group of people, uh, looks to be like a bunch of
scribes who are being bullied by four individuals.
Each of them are notable because of their, uh, red metal bionic arms.
Otherwise, they look like street scum.
Hmm, what are they discussing?
Uh, you just hear some, like, distant shouts of love.
Why no, this is our place.
We want to sit here.
You should go somewhere else.
Yeah, this is our place it is.
They sound like true intellectuals.
I can't wait to meet their acquaintance.
They aren't, they don't appear to be the aftercares, do they?
Uh, well, based on what you heard about the, uh, the arms that they possess, they very well
could be.
Oh, good gracious.
All right, hold on.
These might be the people that we're looking for.
Would you help me to try to make them more persuasive to conversation, sir?
Dude, you killed, like, two Primarchs earlier today.
They should fear me, sir.
I have a, I have straight five on my sheet.
That's, that doesn't make any sense.
I have two, I have two attacks, and, you know, if I go with other people like me, I get, like,
the bulwark thing, so I get, like, a better to my saving throw.
Well, as a rogue traitor captain, I've not really been statted on Table 12, except for
that one time, and it didn't really matter, because that was a very particular rogue traitor.
Yeah, you're legends now.
Yeah, certainly they're legends.
Legends, everyone.
Now, Horus Lupercal has a strength of eight.
Oh, point of clarification, were the ones that got thrown into the grinder, were they
Horus Lupercal or Horus Ascended?
I just need to know.
Oh, Horus Lupercal.
They were Horus Heresy.
Yeah, okay, so yeah, strength seven, okay, cool, thanks.
Though they did have Worldbreaker, which, doesn't that double the strength?
Anyway.
I can make them more persuasive to conversation, sir, if you need.
Then, oh god, I don't care anymore.
Let's just go and talk to them, and see if we can get this damn stasis crypt, and get
off of this planet, I'm pretty certain that the fumes that have been coming from the lower
levels of this forge world have been driving us more insane than we were with those dreadful
grots, Alden says as he wipes his nosebleed.
Hey, speaker, get a Kleenex for yourself, too.
Thanks, man, I appreciate it.
I got you.
I will, with Roos in tow, most likely, with my Heldar passed out on a lawn chair, and desperately
envious of them for this, I will approach this group of red-handed individuals with my
hotshot volley gun out, but I will simply approach them.
Salutations, gentlemen.
What do you want?
Am I to understand that you are representatives of the aftercares?
Yeah, we're aftercares in this spot right now.
How tender and loving.
But might I offer you a different approach?
Rather simple query.
Is it true that you are going to be masterminding an auction for a stasis crypt?
They all look at each other and get very quiet.
Well?
What about it?
What if we is?
Well, I happen to be a rather wealthy buyer, and I might be willing to take it off your hands
immediately if you can prove to me that you actually have it.
Don't have it here, it's auctions happening on Odo.
Point of order, Odo is the moon as we established in the last session.
I remember.
Odo!
Quark!
Experience these!
Yes, yes.
And that is where we are headed to presently.
Might I ask which of you individuals are the highest ranking amongst you?
They look at each other.
One of them steps forward.
Hi!
That's me!
Excellent.
Do you have a name?
Gimbal Tony.
Of course.
That's your name.
Well, Gimbal Tony, I am Olden Rosh, captain of the rogue traitor vessel, the Bird of Paradise,
which is a conquest Stargallion, in case you were curious, and I am more than likely to
be the successful bidder of your stasis crypt.
Is it possible that you could introduce me to them that is holding the auction once we reach
Odo?
Yeah, but I want your jacket.
You can get my jacket once you pry it off of my dead corpse, you Philistine.
No, you can have no such thing.
You're not really a good negotiator.
You know what?
You look like a bucket of shit, and you've got a hole in your head.
Bruce comes in.
No, no, I opened fire with a hot shot.
No, shut up!
I opened fire with a hot shot bodyguard.
Salvo!
Whoa, whoa!
That's how it's going to go!
Okay.
It's been that kind of question.
Give me a sec here, buddy.
Oh, yeah, yeah, go for it.
Yeah, no problem.
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm just going to drag this little icon.
It's pretty small.
I'm going to put it.
I'm just going to put it.
I don't know.
You have a generic Starfinder map to throw us.
You know, I think I do.
Give me one sec.
If you can do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got you.
I got you.
I don't think I'm in mind and all that stuff, but it's like, you know.
No, no, no, no.
I got you.
I got you.
This isn't really going to be super representative.
You know, I'm just going to activate this map.
You know, it's pretty cool.
Yeah, we can do it like that bottom section or something.
Oh, I remember this map.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do.
I'm going to put these tokens here that are the representatives, but they don't have art because there's not a lot of combat mapping going on here.
I'm going to grab Alden Roche and then Aloysius, and then I'm going to put Roos over here.
And then Kelrana's, I don't know, tripping balls on this relaxium here.
Look, I'm not.
Okay, look, look, I'm trying.
I'm trying my best with placement here.
Okay.
And at this point, I believe, based off what I, my understanding of the situation is that our good friend, the captain, has decided to initiate combat and will be taking the first action.
I believe that is true.
Excellent.
Speaker, would you like to take the first action?
I would love to take the first action.
Excellent.
Beautiful.
So I'm going to walk over to here, target this man, open fire.
I'm going to fully empty my hot shut folly gun.
Yeah.
I believe I'm, and I'm just going to, I'm just going to kill everyone that I possibly can right now.
Okay.
Yeah.
You want to, you want to give me a ballistic skill check against the target?
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm going to aim.
I assume I'm in short range.
Um, yeah, you are, you are in short, short range.
Okay.
Okay.
Narratively, I'm a, I'm a bit concerned about aiming.
This doesn't seem like an aiming type situation.
This seemed a bit more off the cuff, but you know, I'm going to trust your narrative instincts here and let you aim for this.
Why, thank you, Thurston.
That's very, very good of you.
You are.
Let's see what happens.
Okay.
All right.
That's six successes.
Okay.
So, so for every success beyond the first, you're going to hit an additional, uh, one of the gangers.
That's how mob rules work.
I'm treating them as a mob.
That is the rule that we are using, the mob rule.
So, uh, if you could roll damage, please.
Absolutely.
Well, that's not very good.
Well, uh, let's, let's just see here.
They don't have much resilience, uh, and they have AP.
So that will execute all, uh, four of them as they all die terrible deaths to your volley gun.
I had a line set up and everything too.
I was going to like come in all threatening and stuff and like after case, huh?
You better listen to the boss or I'm going to put you in hospice, you know, and like kind of do that.
It's just like, I was, I was holding on to the floor.
I have that shit fucking locked and ready.
Then speaker lost is cool.
God.
Man, I had a line.
I thought it was going to be cool.
Well, you can lose it against the next ones we kill.
No, it doesn't matter.
I guess, I guess not.
Just kicking a soda can real sad like.
It's like, oh, it's okay.
It's fine.
It wasn't really anything important.
Yeah, but one longer.
You know, it's okay.
I had a one longer.
It's okay.
You know, I'm a fucking next one, I guess.
Oh, I'm so sorry, everyone.
I just, I really needed to do that after today.
I really needed to kill them all.
All right.
Here's my, here's my pitch for the next plan.
Fuck the auction.
Kill them all.
How do we feel about this plan?
Aloysus actively scavenging their bodies for more components.
Oh yeah, that's awesome.
I'd rather do that than bid on anything.
Fuck yes.
All right.
That's great.
Roost, do you have any concerns?
You can, you can use a line if you've been steaming on any sort of line.
A lovely line.
A line.
It has been determined so.
It is not a yes or no answer, sir.
I think the orb is vouching for violence.
Yes.
All right.
Kelrada.
I look at Kelrada drooling on the, on the chair.
Yeah, Captain.
Oh my God.
You're alive.
Yeah.
What a shame.
Well, we are going to be killing them all.
Do you agree with this?
Why would we do that?
Uh, well, you know, because I've sort of already begun the process.
Oh.
Oh, you shot them all dead.
All right.
That's right.
I did.
And I don't feel even a little bit bad about it.
Usually I feel bad when I kill a man.
This time, no, no, I don't feel bad at all, actually.
I think there might be something wrong with me.
Uh, were I a junior officer, I would be concerned with my fitness to command.
But, uh, today, today, I'm not concerned with that at all, in fact.
We're not in space, and quite frankly, I'm tired of, I, I, when I close my eyes, I see
red, Kelrada, and that simply can't, that can't stand.
I need to stop seeing red.
I need to see it when my eyes are open and not when they are closed, and that will keep
me, yeah, what?
Hey, I'm going to put a hand on his shoulder.
Everything's going to be all right.
Why don't, all right, let's put it in your back pocket, you know.
Plan A.
So we're going to go to the auction, and we're going to get the stasis crypt, like we said
we would.
Plan B.
Kill them all.
Sound good?
Oh, I just don't care anymore.
Roos.
All right, Captain.
Roos.
Yes, sir.
I'm going to ask you to do something.
Yes, sir.
Mostly because I'm just too tired to right now.
A good officer knows when to recuse themselves from command duty.
Therefore, for the moment only, until we return to the ship, take off my hat.
I shall make you acting captain.
Oh, uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
That's right.
Until such a time in which I determine it no longer necessary, such as perhaps if we
were to speak to someone, or do something other than violence.
Do you believe you can handle this responsibility?
Yes, sir.
I can be captain.
Very good.
You shall be acting captain for the next...
And I look at my chronometer.
Forty minutes.
Okay, sir.
I won't let you down.
Most excellent.
Look at Kelrona.
Kelrona.
Uh-huh.
Do you have any spirits or liquor?
Uh, if I did, Captain, I would have already drinking it by now.
All right.
Aloysius, did any of those men have any spirits or liquor?
Aloysius covered in gore.
Uh, I wasn't looking for it.
Let me check.
Aloysius goes back into their bodies.
Um...
Thirsten, what can I do to requisition liquor from corpses?
A Medicaid check.
Difficulty five.
All right.
They're mules.
This is a really long elevator ride.
It's going to be the name of this episode.
Ooh.
That's a five success.
I didn't realize those were icons.
Silly me.
That's five.
Uh, yeah.
Um, so much like there's corpse starch, there's also corpse pooch.
So you make some corpse hooch.
That has got to taste terrible.
It does, but it gets the job done.
Captain, come on.
Let's have a drink.
Yes, I think I very much need that right now.
And I will sit down and I will have corpse hooch with my, uh, uh, uh, explorator companion.
Very good choice of words.
Not friend, not crewmate.
Just, yeah, yeah, that.
If you guys relax and take a little, uh, I mean, they're the hooch.
No, Roos is now taking his arms like behind his back.
He's straightened up all this other stuff.
And he looks over and goes,
Lesser Captain Alden Roos and, uh, and Acting Inquisitor Mechanicus Person Aloysius,
are you drinking on the mission?
Yes.
Yes.
As acting, Captain, me and my men must be in top shape for the mission coming up ahead.
I will be confiscating those, those liquids from you.
Aloysius, we may need to stage a mutiny.
I think so.
Captain, I'm so happy this change of heart.
Oh, shit, you're right.
Bruce will come over.
In requisition the drains.
Can I attempt to persuade Bruce otherwise?
Absolutely.
Bruce, I'm sorry, Acting Captain Bruce of the Bird of Paradise.
You got this, guys.
All right, thanks, man.
See you later.
Anyway, bye, Thurston.
Acting Captain Bruce, I implore you to reconsider.
This is merely a morale booster for our engagement ahead.
Can I perhaps offer you a form of refreshment?
Refreshment?
I have only the finest wares on my person.
Tell me, Roos, do you participate in a little bit of rolled delights?
Rolled delights?
You mean all sweet cakes?
If you can smoke a sweet cake, then yes.
Although I suppose you could smoke anything with enough effort.
Since the game master's gone, roll me persuasion.
What's the difficulty?
The difficulty for Roos is going to be a three.
Okay, cool.
Let's try it.
Oh, that is how many?
Five successes.
Roos takes your basically cigar.
I forget what you call them, 40K.
They're low stogies.
I think they're all like low something.
Yeah, yeah.
Like low sticks or whatever just for normal cigarettes.
Yeah, but it's like a cigar, so it's something else.
Your low stogie gets it all lit up.
But do you have anywhere that produces fire on Aloysius' body?
Yeah, I imagine he can just use the arc pistol.
It's in his arm on like a low enough, like a lighter.
Yeah, Roos kind of like in a, he's in his captain stance, one arm behind his back.
He has the stogie in his left hand.
He kind of leans it to you, looking away expectantly.
Of course, acting captain, and Aloysius will flick out his hand and produce a very small arcs current and light the stogie.
You light it up, he goes, oh, I guess I can let it slide.
Have a good day, gentlemen.
Thank you, acting captain.
And he leaves you alone.
He goes up to Kelrada.
And he goes, I think I'm a pretty good captain.
I think you're pretty good.
I think you're pretty good, yeah.
I think you're pretty good, too.
A voice comes right from behind Roos.
Roos licks.
There's a fellow who looks about how I feel standing behind you.
Sorry, podcast listeners, figure that out.
Podcast listeners, I think you just got a more vivid description of this character than anyone else.
Roos turns to him going.
I think you're doing a great job as a captain from the short time I've seen of it.
Oh, thank you, sir.
I am Captain Roos.
It's not what's your name.
Uh, my name's Loxon.
Pleasure to meet you, not Loxon.
How can I do you all?
Well, I was wondering, uh, that, that, that person, um, he used to be the captain?
Not anymore.
I'm sure.
Yeah.
He killed some people.
He sure did.
Um, what was, uh, what was happening there?
Oh, well, they got real violent long.
I mean, they were holding puppies hostage, you see?
And, uh, as far as I can tell, they should get superior to a lot.
And there was a school bus full of orphaned children.
We had to stop them for blowing it up, okay?
And, uh, we just had to make sure that they, that justice was served, you know, before any
bad stuff happened.
Hmm.
Oh, you see, you know, you know, lying's a bad thing.
Oh, man, I wasn't alive.
I mean, I bet mine's half shit, but I wasn't alive.
Both puppies?
Everything.
Thurston, can I make a psychic mastery test to, uh, uh, project the illusion of a puppy
next to, uh, Aldenrush?
You know what?
We're just making up abilities now.
Sure, go ahead.
Difficulty five.
Oh, we'll play magician now?
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
I love it, too.
You know, psychic mastery is more of a feeling than actual powers.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly, exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The psychic mastery is all in your head, actually.
Yeah.
The real psychic mastery was the friends we made along the way.
Oh, I'm a kid, yes.
I lost an item.
Dude, I wish you unbound and summoned a demon like, that's the puppy, Rote.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
See, this is wrong.
This is wrong.
You clicked the complications.
See, you did psychic mastery, but I, I clearly meant that you were, you were using your psychic
powers to generate something.
Oh, of course.
So, um, I'm going to have to pull up the other table.
Oh, oh, the other table.
Yeah, now it's your turn to inflate.
Yeah, good luck.
Yeah, so I'm going to, I'm going to get your pens ready.
I'm just going to go get some water, okay?
Could you, uh, roll me, uh, 2d6, please?
I got you, I got you.
Could you be the first number?
Let me know.
I need a D2.
It's a, uh, uh, two, a three and a two.
A three and a two.
Excellent.
Excellent.
Um, this will be also how speaker feels, uh, sinister chorus, a sinister chorus or low laughter
swirls around those in the vicinity.
Uh, all sentient creatures give me a willpower, uh, three test or hindered for one round.
It won't matter.
So you don't have to do it.
But, but, the important thing, Odo, as you create this, like, puppy from the immaterium,
this, this little boy, I get a point of room.
Excellent.
I, I thought you were going to say that the puppy is the one doing the sinister laughter,
and that would-
No!
Oh, oh, would you look at that?
Look at that tiny little puppy.
Zoldan says between drinking of, of, uh, rot, scoocher, whatever the fuck this drink is called.
It's corch hoops, you ass!
Yeah, whatever.
Wait, fuck, that's not what it's called.
I'm-
I'm-
I'm-
I'm kicked off my ass on Corpse Booze.
Who is this little creature?
It's so innocent and happy.
It's, it's a little puppy.
Oh, it's a little puppy.
You see, sir, all in accordance.
Puppies are the greatest of men.
it's so true i love puppies captain i thought i thought you didn't like puppies i thought you
liked deadly toxic i'd kill a robots and dreadful zenos i do i love toxic robots and deadly toxic
zenos oh but puppy is a fine tool captain oh it's licking me oh i think it likes me i think it does
captain you know what oh i think you're going to have to take it back to the ship what's your
what's your favorite captain i'm going to name it commodore manchester and he will be my greatest
in my darkest moment it comes to me this will motion to the emotional break that over there
accounted for we saved
it makes my non-existent tear ducts weep with joy
oh yeah we're fine all right good scene
i need a moment one sec
now you already had your mama get back here
wait you should get that alcohol on your desk
no i do it's it's looking at me real campo azul selecto
uh all right so this this person just like looks at you roost the puppy comment then looks back at the
the puppy crew who are currently uh i don't know losing themselves and whatever's going on
uh then looks back at you oh well you weren't lying about the puppy
natural how can i help you
i was wondering if uh i could stay with uh with you lot for protection
what you mean uh protection from what sir
well that man over there killed four people i want to be with the wind inside
are you not running away from anything sir
well i'm just worried if the lights go out we're gonna have to pick sides
like the light goes out i'm killing he's like i don't think i trust this guy
uh like the issue is that roost can't quite articulate how to suddenly ask how rana
do you ever do weapons on you
what me yeah oh well i got i got um yeah yeah yeah i got i got i got this this this you know
this coat which helps my my fist you know i got this this metal bionic finger that hurts if i punch
someone with it right angle let me see your jacket oh okay he hands you his flat coat he put bruce
puts it on but it doesn't fit because he wants to have a rose trader coat too
he just puts it on his shoulder and it's all overall you can stay now jacket's mine
oh thanks thanks a lot i uh was just kind of worried oh bruce what's your name
uh locks and i uh thought i said that already but yeah i'm locked i have a short-term memory
don't make fun of me you're making fun of me uh no why would i kill people who make fun of me
oh yeah uh uh uh uh okay i look at the color of his mechanical arm
uh it's just like silver bionics okay uh yeah yeah he does not appear to have the red
hey you can sit over there away from the other boat okay thanks um but but but but but but when
things go down with the lights go out you're gonna protect me right oh no promises oh okay but i won't
go after you thanks means a lot okay um is that an alien
no she's just ugly oh looks over the camera i'm sorry uh you know happens you ever seen the
be a stretcher before no yeah it's pretty rough
yeah
okay i love you so much
that would be you
don't you just leave like
that would be your visit
i can't even mute
doing a bit on the other side of the room
you just left man
i'm sorry that ogren negotiation roleplay is the most exciting thing in the world look man i
fucking get it you know there's only so much that i could say i'm not going to make it all grand or
anything you didn't have to fucking leave
i didn't fucking go anywhere
before you fucking left
i didn't fucking go anywhere
my headset is stretchy you forget that yeah you probably didn't even know that
basically yeah he strikes him just to go chill like nearby or whatever um how far is his elevator
thanks um well we've completed the first of eight phases of the elevator
cool how many more pages we got
we're about to enter the second phase of the elevator oh come on oh do you think a jump from
the side could kill me probably if you're lucky
i think at this point we're just waiting like we're just keeping an eye on things make sure no
one messes with us we're just waiting yeah for sure for sure so as you as you continue to sort
of wait um this this fellow who's come up um locks in um like eventually kind of gets up and like
stretches around and comes over to aloysius and albin rosh uh hi there hello there my friend and deputy you are the man
you're you're the man now dog oh he certainly is the man i've seen it i've seen it listen
you're from a future world trapped in prehistoric time searching for your past what do you do
you're uh very drunk aren't you what will you do is the question answer the question this is the man
of hiles i'm talking to you this is excellent this is good yes yes it's true what do you do you uh
uh you you put an ogren in charge well just for 40 minutes
then i'm back in charge baby
and i well it's i've uh been 35 25 moments till my shift begins oh my god am i prepared am i do i seem
to you uh i mean i'm not going to lie captain it's a little visible right now let me tell you something
when i was born i wanted to become a night pilot and they said no because you aren't you would don't
come from the right family i couldn't be a night pilot that's horrible they didn't let me drive a big
robots instead i drove a big ship and let me tell you something a ship is bigger than the robots and
i guess i want to pull something out you're bald oh i know what's going on with that are you
are you insane well no but i am with the inquisition oh you are what branch of the inquisition are you from
we don't tell people what branch we're from i'm drunk i'm not gonna remember
yeah i uh persuasion yeah sure
difficulty five difficulty five excellent excellent excellent
hey motherfucker that's five successes
yeah i don't think you're gonna remember it uh oros hereticus
it's all hereticus those are the ones that hate demons
sure buddy what do they do tell me now please i'm very sad
i'm uh here about an auction do you know anything about that oh yes i have a stasis
script that we're going to be grabbing oh well where'd you learn about that well you see it's all
because of all the deadly neurotoxins let me tell you something yep you're on the inquisition right
that's right he's from the inquisition
oh
didn't know that do you know i'm from the inquisition
oh yeah when you think about it we're all from the inquisition so you're officially deputizing me as a man
um um no listen you need to understand i'm usually in far more control of the situation
it all started when we met these two grots named worthy and chosen
ah yes the worthy and chosen whatever happened to those scamps they exploded in violent gore as to all
who opposed the emperor's first that's good that it happened no truthfully i'm usually incredibly
professional but you see if you had to go through what i had to go through today i don't care if you
were the inquisition or you're with the custodians or you're with the the gastra militarum you would
you would it's dire it's real dire let me tell you something i've fought jukari raiders and i've seen
i've seen the best men and women i've ever known ripped from their stations and brought kicking and
screaming to their torture base let me tell you something at this point these things have gone wrong
now this stasis crypt of ours is something that i'm understanding is rather important and oh you're
in the inquisition and you're asking about it and you're from the order heretic is that makes me think
that it's really bad actually what's in that do you want it do you want me to give it to you well i
shouldn't because someone else wants me to give it to them but if you make a convincing case i will
consider it because i am a servant of the golden throne on terror let me tell you something of the
golden throne on terror it's great
um well do you like his dog inquisitor do you like his little puppy it's so nice
where did the dog come from the dogs lands i don't know where the dogs come from where do dogs
come from i've never thought i suppose eggs savlar usually captain savlar savlar this dog is i is from
an egg from savlar if i had to guess right well uh what's your favorite who wanted uh the casket well
i suppose if i tell you they hired me and i think they're an upright sort but do you who would you not
want it to be because i don't want you to be mad at me um uh you know i uh i wouldn't be mad at you
um i would not at you maybe if it was um an imperial citizen i'd be uh disappointed now why is that because
what's inside of it because quite frankly i really want to know and i'm going to grab the damn thing
anyway i'm going to find out then i have devoted myself to the golden throne on terror i have a book
about it i actually gave it to someone recently and we obtained a thigh bearing on behalf of the
inquisition actually we were working for them captain god is it is this gentleman this upright individual
it's an inquisitor i mean surely we have to tell the truth right i mean did that who they we're not
naming names here we're all we're all friends we're all copacetic here truly they didn't tell you to
not say anything did they actually they did tell me not to say anything oh that's not good what what
did they say it could be that bad they said not to tell anyone because it was a really big deal and i
didn't understand enough of the situation at the time i'm curious this is coming over going on
is this random stranger you know disrupting your good booze tom gentlemen no no no no he's fine he's
he's he's bald he's a he's a friend from snitch school i saw him in college once answered for a
time we have a dog club they have a dog now he does have a dog what can stop me captain what did come on
we're friends what you well i'm your companion i'm not really your friend i want you can tell me i i'll i'll not
tell her so i won't tell i want to be your friend aloysius but you're so into summer it's so much
aggression i'm not troll and i feel can i tell you please i'm being honest with you please promise me
you won't be mad i i won't be mad it's okay i think at times you are one of the smartest people i've ever
met you have such insight but you lack discipline and and don't be mad because it's because you have lots
of good qualities that i admire but you you get so up and you'll say and you go and you find this
cool idea and you're like this is such a great idea and you follow it and you do it and i'm amazed that
you survive doing these things but it's like you need to know how to have discipline right now i'm a
hypocrite really i'm really just a piece of because no you're not you're not a piece of no you're just
just a moment of weakness and i i i appreciate you saying that so much as they're having a drunken ramble
no hold on i promise there's an illness hold on take the uh now revealed inquisitor which he
he doesn't know yet uh he'll take them away from the group and be like you start to have their drunken
they see a lot of weird things and all the time it's one they made me captain because you see when they
drink they just make up all sorts of things really but but but i think you deserve to be captain
i know that's why they made me captain
yeah because because because you got a good head on your shoulders absolutely
you saved all those puppies uh-huh if there's more than one puppy that's incredible
and shester has his own little crew we killed i'm pretty sure we killed war master horace earlier i think
i was there i was there the day bruce killed the war master
that's a shirt that's a shirt that's a shirt yeah i want now just like an illustration of instead of the emperor it's
they're fighting off against and not one of them two
like if i wanted to be a shitty photoshop of bruce's head of the emperor and someone just
fucking crops out and fucking copy paces two horses by each other
sorry odo you were trying to uh get involved in whatever the
fuck this is to speak up please um no i was just gonna i i was just going to apologize for the fact
that the the two people who are best suited to speak with this inquisitor are presently incapacitated
leaving it's true only the ogren and the eldar to speak with a member of the ordo hereticus
yeah i promise i promise you i think this is going really well so far i i think so too this is the
most functional part of the session i i won't i won't lie things along because it's great as this
is and thank you so much for being a fucking riot uh just so we can move on uh bruce is basically just
uh keeping the hurt the the inquisitor guy away a little bit like hey leave my guys alone
alone because bruce is like i know what drunk looks like he's like hey i don't think you
messing with him like stealing stuff from them that's what he's thinking he's like just yeah
just just stay over your side sir there won't be any problems you know and uh he's just kind of like
he's like oh no just you just you just stay over there please you know he's trying to prevent this
guy from talking to his friends well uh i was just talking you know uh as a as a member of the
inquisition i thought uh your companions might have a good information for me oh they never talk
any good since when they when they drink a lot of the funny liquid oh just give them some time let
them figure things out and then they'll be able to tell you things straight what could i talk to you
no not right now i'm captain right now no responsibility
i'm really busy right now
i wanna i wanna god damn it i wanna i wanna say something that just come out so
fucking bad but you set it up earlier and i have to do it because he needs to like turn to kill
ronna oh could i could i talk to your ugly friend
no no she's too sensitive about her i'm genius don't talk to her
yeah if you say it again i'm gonna cry yeah i was a tree hey is oh i hate trees the green and alive
and not augmented in the least i hate them this one is beautiful this goes on for an elevator ride
no shut up captain you don't know anything about machines i do
let's take your drink away some some tv shows some tv shows have the bottle episode we have the
elevator episode correct and i will die for the elevator
uh literally or metaphorically uh we'll find out yeah
i'm a piece of shit too but it's okay you are but you can change no but you can change too
you said you wanted to be a night captain in space it's always nights you are captain
the elevator is continuing on yes
gracious we can change we can change but wait okay i need you to trust me on this one all right
i trust that the elevator has gone up it's definitely gone up it's definitely gone up
it's going up we're in we're in phase five now yeah next scene please
we have reached the point where zoran is next seating good good excellent oh what's wrong zoran is it
hard to be the straight man it's almost over we're almost over the ride don't worry hard to wear the
hat i promise we have some people who are the straight men who are like very obvious about it uh if
but if you watch nearly every episode ever so often you'll hear me do a subtle like oh and this
just to be kind of kind of push it a little long of course of course
yeah bro i've been subliminal i've been the street man the entire time oh no film there
i'd like to spend a wrath real quick oh yeah please please yes oh god another
there's uh i i i wow okay good excellent yes there's all right i'm gonna tell you all i'm gonna tell you
well i have two bits inside of my hand okay and i spend my wrath to cause the elevator to get
stuck you you know you know you know you know zorn um my friend is or come with me into the side
rooms aren't here uh-huh oh no they're disgusting this is the producer's room okay
hey hey um you're looking real pretty today um yeah i know it's damn it's it's it must be hard to
like leave life like yourself i had a thought you know you know we've uh there's some shenanigans
that's good today if you if you hadn't noticed okay okay but i i you know i don't want to i don't
want to i don't want to ruin the flow of the speaker speaker's throwing some curveballs today if you
hadn't missed i think he's a bit loopy yeah but you know i don't i don't want to be that kind of gm
cast you get me right yeah a little tap tap kick how about we start a pool how about we like chat help
us out like a bad idea actually oh no you know good talk good talk bye okay let's get out of the
produce hey guys how's it go we're back we just did a little talk all right we're at the end of the
elevator ride so with my wrath uh it looks unspent sorry about that uh sorry there's a glitch in the
system so we can't really do that right now it sounds to me like you've elected to take
the red pill the blue pill was staying on the elevator oh sorry i learned how to be um i i learned
i learned i played a lot of a monopoly and i really like uh the railroad card so i'm gonna
scream oh yeah of course of course oh man that chukuk sound is the same thing that the elevator makes
when it comes to a final stop yeah having reached the station above all right what if there was this
the floor below the station all right oh okay okay do you want to spend a rat point for that
hulky oh yeah you already spent a rat point at the start of the session didn't i oh good
all right all right all right um there is a a crackling voice on on the box great eggs the
elevator wait wait you have a gas to you right um i've got like a water bubble it's got like an opening
all right put that up to your mouth as you make the announcer voice hello hello there you go now do it
hello everyone hello everyone the elevator has reached its final destination
please proceed to form a line to be processed on the receiving station you motherfucker
all right all right all right all right all right crew we gotta assemble and complete this mission
that's true we didn't need to do that and listen do you wanna i think the bald guys should join the crew
no no he should he picks up his voice comes in elena alloes and says we're getting the
out of here yeah we gotta get out of this elevator i think there are people
burn starts going up to the line and he takes it takes albert and loisis and just starts using them
to like beat people away there are 18 there are there are approximately 18 people in front of you and
And they're all clones of Horace
Loopercast.
Horace and Boris.
No, I said there are 18
people.
What shit do I need to do to hit a motherfucker
with a current motherfucker?
Let's do an athletics
difficulty.
Let's go four.
Can I contest this?
I got a six
and I critted, so.
Bruce is just like, nope, nope,
nope, nope, nope, push,
nope, nope, nope.
I'm very oily.
What?
What?
Can he really beat them aside with me if I'm very
oily? Can he even
maintain his grip
on me? Yes.
Okay. I can maintain
my grip on you if you're oily. Don't worry.
I like that we've been
passing around.
We've been passing around like a fucking
conch. Who is miserable
this episode?
It's me a little wily.
So Rose basically helps you get them to the front and exit the elevator.
Yes.
Leave the elevator.
All right.
You have reached
Delta
Sig
Novum,
the Imperial
shipyard
that
that is at the top of this space
elevator.
you come out.
There are
there are
Skitari moving about
here.
Um,
but you are on a station.
How,
how will you act?
Bruce still holding
his companions,
his luggage in tow,
goes over to one of the,
um,
he tries to fight,
like,
he tries to look around and he looks at
Kelrana and says,
Kelrana,
could you help me find an
info station?
Yeah,
yeah,
I'll tell you what my,
uh,
um,
ugly eyes see.
Yes,
please.
Are you just,
are you just looking around,
Kelrana?
Yeah,
I'm gonna look around.
Okay.
Um,
there,
as you get off,
you look around and you can see that there
immediately nearby is a
Voidsman bar with a neon sign
that reads
The Gritty Swarf.
Uh,
there's a bar called The Gritty Swarf.
Good places,
it ain't.
And Bruce begins to make his way there.
And,
uh,
bringing his friends in tow.
Oh no.
Alden and Aloysus were already pre-gaming.
Aloysus,
if you know the song,
sing along.
And what you've got is what we need
and all we do is dirty deeds.
It's a bar.
It's a bar.
It's a bar.
It's a bar.
A bar.
A bar.
A bar.
A bar.
A bar.
A bar.
Watch out.
Cause we're a space bow.
He's got a bitchy little ship.
So you better watch your lip.
Ha!
Ha!
Give me a space bow.
I'd like to spend a wrap point now.
I'd like to say that after the drunken snooper,
Aloysus and Alden are now best friends forever.
Yes.
Can you also give me a difficulty three persuasion check
to turn the bar into your shanty choir?
Yes,
absolutely.
Yeah,
I figured.
Oh,
can I assist?
Oh,
100% you can assist.
I did call.
Oh,
excellent.
Excellent.
Zurn was the O just for the complication.
Yeah.
So,
okay,
good.
Just make it sure.
Just make it sure.
Do you want to roll that complication for me?
Let's see what we get there.
Spear.
Yes,
yes,
absolutely.
Sorry.
I was just receiving some urgent communique that I had missed
previously.
Yes,
absolutely.
Let's roll.
Oh,
the machine spirit.
Some technology in the scene malfunctions.
This could be something you own,
something you've been interacting with,
something in the environment,
like say a stray servo skull or a cherub or a spaced elevator.
Could interrupt whatever you're doing.
I want to kind of equate this to let's go with a Disney musical that
unfolds in this bar with Alton and Aloysius to sing,
right?
And it reaches the ultimate,
you know,
apex of the song where everything relies on and everyone comes
together.
And there's one cherub that just like adds its voice to the finality of
the song.
And it's like,
and just ruins the mood.
Like everyone kind of tunes off.
They're all very happy and they were all glad to be part of your
production.
Aloysius and Alden,
but like the,
the,
the,
the vibes are soured after that.
The cherub just made everyone feel bad.
In fact,
it's a very sobering experience.
Oh,
oh,
oh,
was I supposed to,
I mean,
um,
Oh,
Oh my,
I am now back to normal now.
Oh dear.
So am I by the throne in the Omnisai.
I am also unrelentingly sober.
I cannot believe it that I am now completely sober on account of the
cherub.
I can't believe it.
Why?
Why are you Matt Barry now?
This is Alden Rush's like default settings.
Him getting drunk made him forget to put on the other voice.
Oh,
it's the suzy boot.
Oh,
I played a dark elder.
I should have been a Matt Barry.
Oh,
yes.
Next campaign,
baby.
That's what we get.
All right.
Well,
I don't know what happened the past six hours or so.
Roos,
can I have my hat back?
Does that mean I'm no longer captain,
sir?
Well,
I did tell you it was only for 45 minutes and it's been,
I look at the timer.
How long have we been on the space elevator?
That song number that we didn't go through lasted three and a half hours.
It seems like we've been in that elevator for about six days.
feel free to take me down to wrap night.
Martin,
man,
you've been asking to go down for like 500 times.
It would have been.
I'll take that one.
I'll take that one.
Roos puts everyone down and takes off the hat and puts it back on Alden backwards because
he doesn't know the hat's work.
Oh goodness gracious.
Well,
thank you very much,
Roos.
I'm sure you did an admirable job.
Where is the bald man?
Oh,
he's,
he's vulnerable to me,
guessing,
sir.
He's probably been following us since you kind of spilt some of the beans about our
mission.
Oh yes,
I did speak a little bit about that and I did keep myself rather coy about who gave
it to us.
Oh,
aren't we also in the middle of a bar where the auction is supposed to be taking
place?
The auction,
as far as you know,
is not taking place at this bar.
You literally came here to gather information.
Kelrana was like,
this will be a great place to gather information.
And instead you've been doing a musical number for the past three and a half hours.
Well,
that's almost as important.
That's fair.
Not to,
not to worry.
I can pick up the slack because I have a fellowship score of one,
so I can wheel and deal here.
Also,
also,
uh,
jurors in the chat gets,
uh,
gets a wrap,
uh,
dice for indicating the auction was five,
five days ago.
It was on.
Mission failed.
We're done.
Yay.
I'm free.
You know,
when,
uh,
when all,
when all this show like finally like breaks the fuck apart this year,
and,
and I got to go putting stuff on a resume and everything,
they're going to be like,
what's this gap on your resume?
And I'd be like,
well,
it's a long story.
But if there's one episode of what I did in that period,
you have to listen to,
I know what episode it is.
I,
I don't know if this top's worthy and chosen,
but I think we're getting there.
I,
I think worthy and chosen is the best narrative declaration there's ever been.
I,
I,
that's my personal opinion.
Right.
Well,
I,
I suppose,
uh,
Kevrona,
why don't you take the lead and gather some information while I,
uh,
uh,
vomboot into this bucket.
Yeah.
No,
that's a great idea.
I'm great at talking to people.
Yes.
You,
you're always so personable and friendly and you're always,
I figure might as well,
you know,
you're,
you've always been,
uh,
uh,
good at,
uh,
something.
I'm sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm really good at talking to Monk,
uh,
people.
What's that?
What's that?
What was that?
What was that thing that you were just saying?
People,
people.
Right.
That's what I thought you were saying.
Very good.
Well,
I'm by all means,
give it a shot.
See how well you do.
I mean,
it's not like this day can get any worse.
All right.
Oh,
Kevrona is going to crack her knuckles.
I'm,
I'm going to start looking for information.
I'm going to start looking for anybody with those red augmatic arms.
I'm going to be looking for,
I don't know,
big glowing neon signs that says there,
the game objective is here.
All right.
All right.
The difficulty for this fellowship test is two.
Fellowship.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
So just my straight fellowship.
Yeah.
Okay.
What's your one?
Good.
One in six chance.
And you caught.
Oh,
yeah.
We have glory.
We'd like to spend like five glory to guarantee.
Um,
but you can't,
um,
well,
you can spend the glory.
Yes.
You just can't wrath it.
Yeah.
I can't wrath that.
Nope.
Nope.
You can't glory it.
You can glory it.
Yep.
How much glory are you guys?
Okay.
With me spending here?
I don't give a fuck anymore.
Well,
you need to let it burn.
Oh,
I'm going to spend for glory for,
for the glory.
Okay.
For the difficulty to test that I have,
uh,
in part.
Yeah.
Very good.
You needed it.
That's two successes.
Do you want to roll the complication for me?
Machine spirit.
That is great to hear on a forge world.
That sheriff comes back like,
oh,
he makes us drunk again.
Yes.
I got the throne.
We can be drunk.
There's a sheriff coming by actually crying,
you know,
Oh God.
And it's super loud and piercing.
I hate that.
Why is it in a bar of all places?
You know,
I didn't think they let babies into bars often.
That baby's the owner.
Now when the baby's you.
So you,
you manage through,
I don't know,
your wit and charm,
Kelrana.
My incredible wit and charm.
When talking to the rest of the species.
Yeah.
Um,
and it's probably really more about,
um,
the captain's musical number.
That's still got people running on a high,
but we'll give this one to you.
This is,
this is your W.
This is your W.
Um,
so you,
you are able to,
to uncover that the remaining aftercares have already made their way to the moon of it.
Um,
and they had chartered from a captain who is here,
right?
a,
umber skinned mercenary named Captain Adesina.
Uh,
and Adesina pilots a,
uh,
an harvest lighter between here and the,
the lunar surface of Odo.
Oh,
okay.
So they've already chartered.
They're going to Odo.
They've already gotten there.
The captain's already back.
They've,
they did that.
That was done there.
That's why the captain's here.
He already ferried them and is now just sitting in the bar,
chilling after doing this,
this mission to drop them off.
All right.
We have been in the bar for three days,
so I guess it makes sense that he came back.
Ours.
You were in the elevator for six days.
All right.
In that case,
I will approach the captain and just,
hi.
Why hello there.
So,
you were a charter in the aftercares between this is not my accent.
You were a charter in the aftercares between here and the surface of the moon.
So what if I was?
I have an interest in knowing where they got off to,
where on the moon they're all heading off to.
You have any idea?
Any indication?
What do you offer me?
Hmm.
What are you looking for?
Money?
Wealth.
Oh,
not to worry.
Hey,
captain.
What?
Can you come talk about the incredible amount of wealth that you have?
Now,
why on earth did I delegate this task to you if I was going to have to clean up afterwards?
I would like at this point for us to rewind the clock to last episode.
Speaker,
could you open up your character sheet and read the wealth score?
Oh,
yes,
absolutely.
That should be a wealth zero.
Excellent.
Thank you.
How do you have a wealth score of zero?
I don't know,
but I do.
I genuinely.
You probably forgot to put it on there.
Oh,
he totally did.
He totally did.
He totally did.
That's why this is my punishment for,
for,
for not entering your proper wealth score because now nobody knows it's lost to the
admiral's face.
All right,
motherfucker.
We're going to find out my wealth score right now.
Okay.
Okay.
He's got to bring up the character creator real quick.
Yeah.
Hold on.
Let me just really quickly.
And how do I determine wealth?
Let's say this is a tie.
Now you have to get to the rogue trader starting thing.
Yeah,
rogue trader.
See what they start out with.
Starring architect,
archetype architectures.
That's a tier two influence plus two.
So let's see.
That doesn't tell me what my wealth is.
Okay.
Let's go to the very back of the book now and let's go to the top of use.
Okay,
great.
Wealth.
WD.
Yeah,
there is no,
oh yeah,
38.
Okay,
great.
Page 38 should be the one to tell me what my wealth is.
All righty then.
Corruption,
conviction,
influence,
wealth.
Wealth is equal to my tier and can be modified by abilities.
So I have wealth one.
All right.
Excellent.
Or rather wealth two,
because I'm a tier two.
All right.
You come over to,
to this,
to this man having been brought by your companion.
I'm looking forward to it.
I'm looking forward to it.
I'm looking forward to it.
It's a,
it seems like this man has been ferrying the aftercase to the surface of the moon.
And he might have an idea where they go on.
And he wants,
what,
money?
I'm willing to offer you one,
count them,
one luxury relaxo,
relaxatorium chair from my private studies,
which should be worth many more than even a coterie of your finest soldiers.
It should be worth more than the entirety of the aftercares put together.
I'm willing to offer this to you.
Should you parry,
should you,
uh,
ferry us rather.
Don't parry me.
Hmm.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Um,
is the ogre with you?
That is correct.
Yep.
And bring him over.
Roos,
you are being summoned.
Roos is like,
puts down like a drink.
He takes a,
oh,
try to,
he comes over.
Hello,
my friend.
I don't know you.
You are.
You are.
Your friend,
pal.
Oh,
all right.
My buddy,
then.
Hey,
your buddy,
friend.
How about my guy?
Hey,
you're a guy.
Chum.
All right,
chum.
I hate your time,
guy.
Hmm.
All right,
Roos.
I hate your Roos.
Flyer.
Oh,
that's your name.
You are Roos.
You are Roos.
You are Roos.
You are Roos.
You are Roos.
You are Roos.
All right,
good bitch,
too.
He comes up.
He comes up
and just silent.
Fans by everybody.
You are,
you are a member
of this man's ship.
Yes.
You can attest
to his word
to,
to the state
of his life.
He has many,
much monies.
He also lets me
eat all the cabbages
and corn I want.
Ah,
corn.
Truly,
you live a luxurious life.
Oh,
yeah.
You want some?
And he brings out
like a corn cup.
It is completely
rotted at this point.
Yeah.
No,
but thank you.
But thank you.
Oh,
more for me.
He eats it.
Yeah,
I could not force his
grrrr.
But I have an important
question based off
what your captain
has stated.
A bargain
is to be struck.
And if his bargain
is to be struck,
I must know something.
How comfortable
is the chair?
I didn't,
I didn't sit on it.
So,
he looks to Kelrado.
That,
that wasn't our chair.
That was the elevator's chair.
Yes.
He's,
he's referring to the chair
that's on,
uh,
uh,
Alden's ship.
Like,
because Alden has offered
him a chair from the ship.
It's,
it's like putting your ass
on a cloud.
It's beautiful.
It's,
it's wonderful.
Uh,
even as so,
even somebody as ugly as me
feels like a million bucks
in that chair.
It's even got a
massage feature.
Yeah.
Now you're making things up.
It doesn't have that.
What do you mean,
sir?
It usually shakes
when I sit on it.
No,
no,
you're,
it doesn't.
It's a very nice chair.
Cut,
cut to what actually happened.
Cut to what actually happened.
Ruse sits on the chair
while a crew member
is on it.
And the crew member
is struggling
underneath him
to get out.
Let me out,
let me out.
There's a massage feature.
Ah!
Oh,
my back feature
about Vela.
All right.
Uh,
is that other one
the
tech fellow?
Is he with you,
Captain?
Yes,
he is.
They are,
they are my entourage.
Bring him over.
I wish to question him
as well.
Alois says,
speak to the man,
please.
Who am I speaking to
and why?
This man is the one
that will drive us,
fly us,
ferry us
to Odo.
Ah,
yes.
Uh,
what,
what can I do you for,
chum?
Hello.
My name is Captain
Adesna,
and I have a question
of grave importance.
You may speak it freely.
It is my understanding
there is a
great chair
on board
your captain's vessel.
That would be
a correct observation.
Did he tell you
about which one
you'd be getting?
Presumably as a bribe?
Yes.
But what I wish to know
is,
as someone of the
tech variety,
how difficult
is it to maintain?
You,
my
Hirsut
new friend,
have asked
the right questions.
And Aloysius
will put his hand
around his shoulder
and just walk
with the captain
and have him
muse a bit for him.
Now,
you see,
lesser captain,
I don't mean to
disimply you're not
a captain of the same
caliber as mine,
but he
respecting stations.
It's all about
the kayfabe,
you understand.
Now,
me,
as a man who
prefers the
final things
in his
most majestic
galaxy,
these relaxiums
appear this.
Second to none.
in fact,
I am a
connoisseur
of sorts of
relaxiums
from even the
dark age
of technology.
In fact,
I've been restoring
a few myself,
but none
quite have the
same
ease of
upkeep as
good,
dear
captain
Alden's
fine
even for
relaxiums.
These puppies
truly
need no
extra upkeep.
The finest
artisans
in imperial
space
and the
most talented
minds
in forgeworld
with creches
buried deep
below the crust
have labored
and toiled
to make
a device
designed for
the discerning
shipwright,
one where
the most
esteemed
pilot can
kick his
feet up
after a
long day
of
dogfighting,
ferrying
less than
worthy
passengers
or simply
gallivanting
about
at his
leisure
and reflect
upon the
bounty
of exploratory
delights
that are
available to
him.
This chair
which you
are promised
is not
something that
any of
these
lesser
mechanici
would dare
promise.
offer to
you,
so I
implore you,
my dear
friend.
The captain
has not even
offered me
such a delight
and I'm on
his crew
for throne's
sake.
Have a
low stogie.
Might as well
celebrate the
occasion,
why not?
And Aloysus
will take
one of his
low stogies
out and
light it
and hand it
to his
new friend.
He has an
infinite
supply of
these.
Functionally,
yes.
You know,
it sounds
like great
chair.
Captain,
it sounds
like you
have a
fine chair
that I
will be
willing to
offer you
passage in
exchange for.
He puffs
the low stogie.
Well,
that's just
great.
Yes,
very good.
Your crew
is very
passionate,
very,
very pride.
Yes,
I've never
seen them
so prideful
to be
part of
my crew,
but it
fills me
with a
certain
determination
and joy.
All right.
Then,
you wish to
go to the
mining habitat?
Yes.
That is
very much
correct.
All right.
I can take
you there.
Say in the
next hour.
All right.
I shall go
prepare.
You wait
here.
Very well,
I shall.
Fine chair.
He walks
off.
All right,
that guy was
really weird.
I know,
he was a little
strange,
but I mean,
are you actually
going to give him
a chair?
I just
got
and
Loisus makes
a gun
pistol
cock motion.
I've
I've made
an agreement.
I've made
an agreement.
I am a man
of my word,
a man of
honor.
Why do I
get deja vu
from this?
Well,
you've murdered
some people.
We have
people for
this exact
situation of
going into
one place,
going to talk
to a guy,
we wait an
hour.
I feel like
we've done
this before
with Razzler.
Is that true?
I'm very,
I'm feeling it.
Like,
all of a sudden,
I'm like,
this seems like
exactly the same
shit we've done
before on this
map.
This map
was up too.
I'm sitting
like,
wait a fucking
minute.
Now I'm,
now I'm
suspicious.
Now I'm
scared.
I don't,
I don't think
so,
because this map
was for a test
session that I
made up in
two seconds,
so.
My God,
he's just
that good.
he's injured
all the time.
Yeah.
I got a weird
thing at
Deja Vu.
Anyway,
I guess,
basically,
we're just
going to wait
for him to,
we're going to
be all like,
yeah,
hell yeah,
and then we
get ready.
Hell yeah,
and you get
ready.
Okay,
so.
Yeah.
And you get
ready.
So,
with that,
eventually the
captain comes
back.
He takes you
into his
harvest lighter,
which,
for the
record,
is nowhere,
nowhere near
as austere
or grand
as the
harvest lighter
you've left
on the surface
of the
forge room.
In fact,
it's cramped.
It's got a lot
of personal
belongings in
it.
Very
cramped
quarters,
actually.
but,
and even
like,
roost especially
has a hard
time here.
I don't have
to roll a
fear test.
Oh yeah,
that's right,
you're getting
into a cramped
space,
aren't you?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Roll it.
Let me see.
I just make sure
he's the right
thing.
Cosprophobic.
True.
They love
being direct.
Whenever you're
in a case,
I must make
a fear test,
default DN2.
Especially when
you roll a
combination
closed space,
you're going to
spend one row
in the force
to repeat
the fear test.
Just so you
know.
What do I
roll for fear?
Difficulty 2.
It's not a
it's not a
chaos-y
harvest lighter.
What do I
roll for fear?
That's what I'm
asking.
Oh,
I believe
it's a
resolve test,
right?
Let me
double check.
I have it,
yep.
Okay.
I have only
a resolve of
one.
Good luck,
everybody.
Well,
roll a six.
I rolled a
one.
I'm freaking
out.
That would
not be good
because that's
also,
yeah,
that's not
good at all.
I'm freaking
out,
man.
Yeah,
you like
come in
and like
they're just
like,
this is just
like a
tight,
compact
area.
You do
not want
to go
inside.
Everyone
else is
walking in
no problem.
The fact
that it's
not the
captain's
harvest and
this one
has more
like more
equipment and
other things
that are
taking up
space just
makes it
feel all
the worse.
worse.
I'm going
in there,
Camry.
Roos,
you must
calm down
immediately.
No,
sir,
I'm going
in the
murder box.
It's not a
murder box.
It's simply
a,
Roos,
you must
calm down.
I'm
going in,
sir.
Roos,
pet
Commodore
Manchester.
and I
will furnish
my puppy.
Is that
dog still
existing?
Is it
real?
It's been
days.
Is it
real?
I don't
think it's
real.
Thurston,
I spend
a wrath
point.
Make the
dog real.
I think
you're at
a wrath
point.
No,
I won.
Thurston,
spend a
wrath
point.
Okay,
look,
look,
look,
I'm going
to pass
the ball
here to
the person
who's
most important
to ask
this.
Kelrana,
since you
created this
thing,
have you
been sustaining
it the whole
time?
No.
I'm not
taking the
fucking
damage for
this.
No,
no,
no,
no,
no.
You can
sustain it
for free.
Oh,
yeah.
Oh,
it's other
things that I
take for
over 10
minutes or
whatever,
whatever the
rule is.
She does
take damage.
Yeah,
you take
shock.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
But I
mean,
like,
assuming it's
a minor
thing,
like,
you would
be sustaining
it if you
could,
right?
You know
what,
thirst and I
would be
sustaining it
if I could.
I feel like
at this point
I'm going to
have to sustain
it for the
rest of our
lives.
Now it's
kind of like
in this
situation where
where Kelrana's
sustaining it
because she
knows if
Commodore
Manchester
ever disappears.
that might
might be the
captain's only
link to
sanity now.
Oh,
no.
Right?
Yeah,
no,
right?
Absolutely.
Yeah,
clearly,
clearly.
So,
so,
you know,
I,
you know,
I don't want
to say that
suddenly,
you know,
casting additional
powers might be
more difficult
than the
concentration
you have to
put in on
keeping
Commodore
Manchester
around.
I'm just
I'm just
playing by the
rules,
you know,
I'm someone
who likes
the rules.
Can I spend
a wrath point?
I'm going to
make Commodore
Manchester.
I'm just
going to make
him real,
you know,
I'm OK.
I think that,
you know,
maybe maybe
after the elevator
and sustaining
this power for
this long,
Kelrana has
realized that
this,
sucks
and she
doesn't want
to do it
anymore.
So,
briefly,
briefly,
as everybody
was drunkenly
getting out of
the elevator,
Kelrana,
she stopped
and she goes,
hold on,
give me a second
and I'm going
to go find
a real puppy
just like
scouring the
streets.
I'm going to
find a real
puppy.
I am going
to grab
that puppy
even if it
belongs to
someone
and I am
going to
bring it
back to
the captain.
She really
does like
us,
folks.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
I didn't
realize we
were going
to go to
crushing
people's
heads and
puppy
kidnapping
this episode,
but here
we are.
are there
puppies here
at the top
of the
space
elevator?
Actually,
I spent a
wrath.
There are
puppies here
at the top
of the
space.
OK.
I'm going
to I'm
going to
need,
you know
what,
a difficulty
to cunning
check.
Cunning.
Stop making
me roll
on fellowship.
you're the
one who
wants to
acquire a
puppy.
I acquire
a puppy
with with
with with
Medicaid.
I don't
know.
That would
be a very
different puppy.
That is not
a success.
OK.
You have
two options.
You can ask
the party to
spend glory on
your efforts
to secure
a puppy.
Alternatively,
you can take
the devil's
bargain.
the devil's
bargain.
I see.
Yeah.
How how
important is
this puppy to
you,
Speaker D?
This is the
most important
role you've
ever made in
your entire
career.
I'm going to
roll.
I'm going to
I'm going to
I'm going to
I'm going to
spend the
last of the
glory.
Yep.
OK.
One.
One.
Can I can
I oh,
I would I
would have had
to spend
the wrath
first.
Yeah.
I forgot
the order
of operations.
It could be
funny if
Thirsten
allows it.
Could
is it
because it
is the
you know
a wrath
die.
Which I
will allow
you to
spend a
wrath
to roll
one dice.
A single
die.
But if you
fail,
there will be
consequences.
If I if I
fail,
then there are
no puppies
any more
ever.
I don't
know if I
could live
with stealing
someone's
puppy.
As a
puppy owner
myself.
Not to
worry.
Roshi is
going to a
good home.
That's a
six.
Boom,
baby.
I really
appreciate the
energy in
your voice.
Oh, no,
as you're
like, I
steal the
fuck out
of that
puppy.
That family
that had
that, fuck
them.
It's our
puppy now.
Realistically,
we probably
mulched like
half of their
lineage down
below.
Yeah.
Fuck.
We killed a lot
of people today.
We've killed so
many people.
We've probably
ended bloodlines.
Yeah, no, I'm
going to find some
kind of wet
cardboard box,
some kind of
sad, wet
puppy, cold
and alone in
an alley
somewhere, and
I'm going to
pick him up,
and I'm going
to call him
Roshi, and I'm
going to hand
him to
Alden Rush
for his
sanity.
I don't want
Roshi to be
in Warhammer.
He's such a
good boy.
This is
Boshi.
This is
Commodore
Boshi.
Commodore
Boshi.
Hold on, I
need to go get
my dog.
Wait, go,
Odo.
You made
speaker cry.
He's like,
look at my
bubbles.
Yeah, I'm
going to
Why do you
do this, Odo?
I'm going to
spend every
resource available
to me to
give Alden Rush
this dog, and
he's not even
going to
appreciate it.
He doesn't
even, nobody
appreciates
doing this
crazy.
Don't say
that, Odo Rush.
We're going to
a moon named
after you.
They named
the moon
after me.
How could
they hate
me?
Look, speaker,
don't look a
gift puppy in
the mouth.
If you don't
want Roshi in
the game, it's
okay.
I do.
I want, look,
just because I
have a puppy
named Roshi
doesn't mean
that every puppy
in Warhammer
is funny.
Though that
would be quite
funny, wouldn't
it?
It would be
quite funny.
Guys, we've
lost the
fucking plot.
I'm, has
the puppy
song
come to an
end?
I left, I
left you, I
left you fuckers
alone.
Like, the guy's
like, okay, I'm
going to get
the ship.
And then it
was like, we
must talk more
about the
puppy.
The puppy is, I
was going to use
it to inspire,
Roshi is still
freaking out, by
the way.
This is his
speech.
Does anybody
else have any
pets they want
to shove into
the game?
Yeah, it
come, seriously.
We could put
applesauce in.
She's a fucking
warp entity.
She's a creature.
Yeah, that'd be
great.
Yeah, yeah.
Bruce, Bruce,
after a lot of
backward, okay,
so, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait,
holy fuck.
So, wait, wait,
wait, so,
Bruce is, like,
going into the
back of this,
of this harvest
later, is, like,
like, panicking,
like, freaking out,
doesn't want to go
in, and Kelrana
runs off to steal
the puppy.
That's what
happens.
That's my
understanding of
this situation.
No, no, no, I
said, I said that
she had done this
earlier because she
got off the elevator
and realized that
sustaining the warp
puppy fucking sucked
and went to go get
a real puppy
retroactively.
Okay, okay, okay.
So, so at this
point, you, you
produce the puppy.
Yes.
Okay, okay.
Uh, please, please
describe, please
describe to Roos the
puppy that is
presented to him.
Okay, okay.
The, the, the, the
puppy is, um, he, he,
he looks like a, uh,
um.
Like a dog.
No, he fucking
doesn't.
Shut up.
She's like the
Eldar cats that they
have, except it's the
puppy version.
No, it looks like
one of those, uh,
fucked up little
French bulldogs.
Oh, well, that's
so cute.
Yes.
Okay.
He gets presented
to Roos.
Yep.
He's like, uh,
I had to
switch it to Alden
and then Alice
between the Roos.
If I get in there,
I'm going to
squeeze him.
No, you're not,
Roos, because if
you do, I'll
kill you.
That's what?
I'm scared to go
inside, sir.
Oh, Roos.
You must go inside
and you must avoid
squishing this
sumptuous puppy.
I'm, I'm trying to
give warning signs
here, sir, and
you're ignoring me.
No, no, no.
It's nothing like
that.
It's more that I
believe in you,
even when you don't
believe in yourself.
But if you do
mess up, I will
kill you.
And I'm going to
roll leadership to
inspire Roos.
Yeah.
That is the skill
to get the,
that is the
skill the
commissary uses
to get the
ochre in.
I can't believe
you got your
manager from
fucking Amazon.
Well, you know,
managers, I value
this puppy's life
more than any
Amazon manager has
ever valued a
life before.
What's my
difficulty number?
Somebody please
spend a rat to
make the puppy
invulnerable.
Difficulty two,
matching the fear
test for.
Very good.
Please, please,
please complicate.
No, just, just
barely.
I get two
successes.
You, you
manage to
provide the
exact right
coaxing for
Roos to enter
this cramped
harvest light.
Roos enters
inside all
squished into
his little
section.
Just try not
to move.
Oh, you're
like of a
fucking dark
tide loading
screen right
now.
You're like an
ogren in that
that screen.
Everyone else
is sitting there.
Roos just
fucking takes up
the whole space.
You know, I can
see why you
wanted a chair.
Are you talking
to me?
No, I was
talking to the
man that's
oh, for
fuck's sake.
Well, the
harvest lighter
pilot is
actually in the
fore, so
you'd have to
turn on the
comms.
Are you turning
on the
comms to say
this?
I see why
you wanted
the chair.
No, I'm
not Thurston
Hellman.
I won't.
You didn't
play your name
well.
He invoked
power on you.
That's right.
That's your
true name.
I can seal
you away,
D-bo.
Take that,
Sean.
I've been
banished to
the nether
realm.
They're the
ones that
have been
banished to
the nether
realm.
I don't
know about
you.
The
warped
puppy
reappears.
All right.
The harvest
lighter takes
off and
makes its
way towards
the surface
of the
moon known
as Odo,
thus me
ending the
second part
of this
adventure.
Oh, my God.
And our
session for
tonight.
Well, that was
session?
That's it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't think we'd
make it, guys.
I didn't think we'd
survive.
I think Thurston
has just cut out
probably an entire
segment.
No, no, no.
There's literally
that so much of
it's just like they
could go like
super investigatory
and you guys
would like we
fucking sit down.
It's like, okay,
it's like we're
waiting.
We're fucking
done.
Okay, okay.
There's this guy.
He's going to come.
He's going to have
like deep talks.
It's like, no,
they're drunk.
They don't want to
talk to you.
Oh, okay.
I was really
enjoying the
talk.
We were going to
get there.
I just needed some
information first.
But he of little
faith in Stalken
I can't believe
it.
I can't believe
it.
Well, we were
pretty obnoxious.
That is true.
We should actually
wait, no, we
can't actually do
that.
Yeah, I should
get a rune
point.
Look, I never
say I didn't say
that you shouldn't
get full rune
at the start of
the session.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Very good.
Well, thanks
everybody.
Well, thank you.
Zoran, are you
okay?
Are you okay,
buddy?
Yeah.
Oh, you sure?
See, I put a
screenshot in our
chat here.
Remember that
night we were
joking about?
Yeah.
I guess you
didn't cancel it.
I forgot about it.
Zoran!
What?
Zoran!
What?
What?
No!
No!
You're watching!
So I guess I'm
getting that night
now.
Zoran, no!
A literal child.
How much money
was that?
$750.
Okay.
Zoran!
Do you have
$750?
Yes.
Okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay.
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
Guys, guys, guys.
No, no, no, no, no.
Zoran, Zoran, Zoran,
Zoran, no, no, no.
This is becoming a
charity stream for you
now.
We're going to keep
going, everybody.
This is it.
Buckle up.
We're charity
streaming.
Alden and Aloysus
get the drunk
memes back on.
We're going for
another two hours.
We're doing this.
Get your
wallets ready,
everybody.
Zoran needs help.
Here you go.
Here's screenshot proof.
This is horrifying.
It has been shipped.
Fuck yeah.
I like how they put
the pilot
near his feet
for scale.
That's a normal
action figure size.
Yeah, like
like, don't get me
wrong.
Jamie's like really
excited to see you
go around with the
little like baby
carrier for.
I'm bringing it
out of the tank.
Yeah, I don't know
how you're going to
get it easily on a
flight, but you can
do it.
It's my carry on.
Oh, my God.
Yes, I have my
normal luggage.
That's going to be
all as a carry on.
That's going to be so
friggin cool.
Like, imagine the
story.
You'll be sitting next
to someone in the
plane with that
thing on your lap.
Exactly.
Oh, man, you're
going to Gen Con.
So like, they're
going to know like
like there is a
there is a 50%
chance they will
know your specific
brand of nerddom.
Just yep.
There was one
point where I
had like some
Warhammer books
in my computer
bag.
And thanks for
the 50k bits.
Oh, that guy was
checking the bag.
He's like, oh,
Warhammer.
Oh, hell yeah,
man.
That's cool.
It's fine.
Anyway, all
contributions to the
Warhammer baby fun is
greatly appreciated.
We need it.
We need it.
I do apologize.
I was so sunlocked
reading it.
I fucking like
disassociated from
the last bit.
I think we've all
taken a turn this
session disassociating.
Oh, shit.
I am so sorry.
Including the DM.
I feel like I'm going
to wake up tomorrow
and it's still going
to be Monday.
I just walked
away and did a
shot of tequila.
That was my
disassociation.
Are we still going
or are we done?
I got so stunned.
No, no.
We actually called
it like 30 minutes
ago.
You're good.
You're good,
monster.
That's how much
I was like,
oh, fuck.
Oh, no.
Can't wait to see
you guys all back
here Wednesday.
Remember to
support us on
patreon.com
slash narrative
declaration.
Where you too
can support the
purchasing of a
baby knight.
Quick, cue the
Sarah McLachlan.
For a standard
contribution, you
too can have a
house tyrannous
knight join the
fold of the
narrative declaration
crew and support
this baby through
its struggles.
Okay, where can
they find you?
They can find me
affording to eat
rats this month
over at twitch.tv
forward slash
hulky crow and on
all major social
medias and find
the same name.
It's an H and
a K.
It's not a C.
If you use a C,
it's probably some
weirdo I don't
actually associate
with.
Odo, where can
they find you?
You can find me
on a blue sky
at Odo
bites.
You can find me
on Tumblr at
Odo Roshi
dash rider.
You can find me
on the discord
at just Odo.
And you could
find me
apparently rocketing
through the warp
right now.
Speaker, where
can they find
you?
Blue sky next.
Thirsten, where
can they find you?
Right here, taking
the second shot of
tequila.
Night, everyone.
Thanks, everyone,
for such a
disjointed, fucking
crazy episode.
I hope everyone
had a great time.
With the best ending
I think we ever
could have had.
If you, if you
too want to
support my
child that is
coming, you
too can help
us out at
narrative declaration
or patreon.com
for slash narrative
declaration.
You can also
sub, you can be
a benefactor either
on YouTube or
Twitch.
And basically
also if you come
join me for
someone, the
wizard and
something, I
keep, I think
I keep saying
Zorn the bear is
the old name
because I changed
it.
You can always
visit me at
Zorn the wizard
either go to
Zorn the wizard
dot com or
my Twitch to
where you can
help support my
new baby boy
child now.
Like come it
over and help
it on that way.
You can ask any
question that we
like about the
shows and stuff.
So with that,
thank you all so
very much.
I hope you have
an absolutely
loving time.
We will see you
all next time.
So long.
Farewell.
And we'll see
you next time.
Goodbye, everybody.
Goodbye, everybody.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.