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You know that sinking feeling when you wake up with a hangover and think: “I’m never doing this again”? We’ve all been there. But what happens when you follow through? Sonia Kahlon and Kathleen Killen can tell you, because they did it! They went from sisters-in-law, to Sisters in Sobriety.
In this podcast, Sonia and Kathleen invite you into their world, as they navigate the ups and downs of sobriety, explore stories of personal growth and share their journey of wellness and recovery.
Get ready for some real, honest conversations about sobriety, addiction, and everything in between. Episodes will cover topics such as: reaching emotional sobriety, how to make the decision to get sober, adopting a more mindful lifestyle, socializing without alcohol, and much more.
Whether you’re sober-curious, seeking inspiration and self-care through sobriety, or embracing the alcohol-free lifestyle already… Tune in for a weekly dose of vulnerability, mutual support and much needed comic relief. Together, let’s celebrate the transformative power of sisterhood in substance recovery!
Kathleen Killen is a registered psychotherapist (qualifying) and certified coach based in Ontario, Canada. Her practice is centered on relational therapy and she specializes in couples and working with individuals who are navigating their personal relationships.
Having been through many life transitions herself, Kathleen has made it her mission to help others find the support and communication they need in their closest relationships. To find out more about Kathleen’s work, check out her website.
Sonia Kahlon is a recovery coach and former addict. She grappled with high-functioning alcohol use disorder throughout her life, before getting sober in 2016.
Over the last five years, she has appeared on successful sobriety platforms, such as the Story Exchange, the Sobriety Diaries podcast and the Sober Curator, to tell her story of empowerment and addiction recovery, discuss health and midlife sobriety, and share how she is thriving without alcohol.
Your sobriety success story starts today, with Kathleen and Sonia. Just press play!
[00:00:00] Hi all and welcome to another Q& A episode where I will answer [00:01:00] questions from the listeners. We got some great questions about sobriety and reconciling your past drunken behavior and this is something I feel pretty strongly about. I really think there is no place for shame, guilt, or judgment. These are not helpful emotions and only serve to cause you pain and prevent you from moving forward.
[00:01:24] They keep you stuck and the goal should be healing and forward progress and we'll go through a few questions about apologizing, rebuilding trust, and most of all treating yourself with kindness during this process. So here is a great question from Sue in Massachusetts. What are the words I can use to apologize for a past mistake made under the influence, which still respects my current sobriety journey.
[00:01:54] So when apologizing for past mistakes under the influence, it's [00:02:00] important to express sincerity, accountability, and acknowledge the impact of your actions without making excuses. And you can use phrases that both honor your journey towards sobriety and show respect for the feelings of those you hurt. So consider using statements like,
[00:02:21] I am truly sorry for the pain I caused. My journey towards sobriety has taught me the importance of accountability and I am committed to making amends in a meaningful way. Or, I want to sincerely apologize for the hurt my actions have caused. Although I can't change the past, my path to recovery has made me realize the value of integrity and responsibility.
[00:02:48] I am dedicated to proving through my actions that I have changed, or my behavior during my addiction hurt you, and for that I am truly sorry. I'm learning every [00:03:00] day how to be better in my sobriety. Please know that I am here to listen and heal the wounds I've caused. So, here we're using words like sorry, accountability, committed, dedicated, change,
[00:03:14] And those words are like a key to unlocking a more positive future. Saying you're sorry is the first step. It's like opening the door to acknowledge Yeah, I messed up and I understand and see the ripple effects of my actions. And then there's accountability, which is basically saying, yeah, that was on me and not in a way that shrugs it off, but owns up to it.
[00:03:38] And being committed and dedicated is like promising to yourself and others that you're going to stick to the game plan of being better, even when it gets tough So it's about being focused on your goals, whether that's mending relationships, staying sober or just being a better version of yourself every day.
[00:03:57] And change is doing. The [00:04:00] work to show you're making it right. And so not just talking the talk, but walking the walk. And this is a big one. It's what the whole journey is about. Embracing change isn't just about saying things will be different. It's about showing it in how you talk, how you act, and even how you think.
[00:04:16] so these words turn, I'm sorry for a fleeting moment into a series of actions that say, I'm here to make things better, and I'm not going anywhere. And this approach doesn't just help patch things up, it turns your apologies into a roadmap for real change, making the journey of recovery something you and your loved ones can navigate together, step by step.
[00:04:40] Here was another question we got from Emma in Oklahoma. Can you share stories of how others have rebuilt trust in relationships after they quit drinking? So, so many people have successfully rebuilt trust in their relationships after quitting drinking by demonstrating consistent behavior, [00:05:00] by demonstrating consistent behavior changes over time.
[00:05:03] And here are a few stories of some of my clients. So Alex's journey to rebuilding trust. after years of hiding her drinking, Alex made the decision to quit and was determined to mend the strained relationship with their partner. Alex regretted so many things, driving drunk with their children, embarrassing her husband and kids at sporting events, but she knew the shame over these actions would only make the situation worse and hinder her communication with her partner.
[00:05:35] Initially, he was skeptical to accept that Alex wasn't going to hide her drinking again, given her past broken promises, but Alex committed to open communication, attended it. individual in couples therapy. She actively participated in recovery meetings and over time by consistently showing up and being transparent about her feelings and her struggles.
[00:05:59] [00:06:00] Alex slowly rebuilt trust. Now, Alex and her partner are celebrating small milestones together while still openly acknowledging the effort required to maintain sobriety. And Alex's partner says that her willingness to admit that staying sober is hard and that she has bad days makes him more trusting of her openness and honesty.
[00:06:23] Here is Anne's path to forgiveness. Anne's addiction had severely damaged trust within her family. After quitting, Anne knew actions would speak louder than words. She started by writing heartfelt letters of apology to each of her family members that she had hurt. She acknowledged the specific hurts and expressed a commitment to change.
[00:06:45] She also asked the family members to express their hurt as well as their hopes and And expectations for the future, she encouraged each family member to respond with whatever they were feeling. And they did, she realized what they wanted. Most was for [00:07:00] her to acknowledge that damage had been done to the relationships and also
[00:07:04] They wanted to support her in her recovery. They wanted to be part of the recovery process. And over several months by maintaining sobriety, engaging in family activities, and showing consistent reliability, Anne was able to rebuild a foundation of trust and forgiveness.here is another question from Kathy in Pennsylvania.
[00:07:30] What are some techniques for dealing with the guilt over past actions while under the influence? So like we talked about, guilt and shame are not useful emotions, but it doesn't mean we don't feel them. And dealing with those feelings is a crucial step in the recovery process. So, here are some specific techniques to manage those feelings of guilt.
[00:07:52] Where possible, if you can apologize to those you've hurt and rebuild a trusting relationship, [00:08:00] providing it won't cause them more harm.
[00:08:02] You should. This involves apologies, but also taking concrete steps to make the changes. So remembering It'sjust as much about changing future behavior as it is about addressing past actions. Self forgiveness. Recognize that addiction isn't a moral failing or a lack of willpower. It was not your choice to have a problem with alcohol.
[00:08:25] It's a struggle and your past actions were influenced by this struggle. Practice self forgiveness by writing yourself a letter. of forgiveness. Acknowledge your mistakes, but also recognize your worth and the efforts you're making towards recovery. Mindfulness and meditation. These practices can help manage feelings of guilt and prevent them from overwhelming you.
[00:08:49] Mindfulness teaches you to acknowledge these feelings without judgment and allow them to pass more naturally. Seek professional help, a therapist or a counselor, especially one [00:09:00] experienced in addiction recovery can offer more strategies tailored to your experiences and they can provide a safe space to explore feelings of guilt and work through them constructively.
[00:09:11] Engage in peer support. Sharing your feelings of guilt with others who have had similar experiences can be incredibly validating and healing. Engaging in group recovery meetings can be a huge game changer in this way, by providing you with the support and understanding you need. For example, I run Evergloom
[00:09:33] And in our meetings, we talk about feelings of guilt and shame, and we will always help you redirect your emotions and lift you up. And there are a number of peer support groups out there. So thank you for listening to another Q and A episode of Sisters in Sobriety and keep your questions coming. You can email us, the link is in the show notes or leave a comment in the reviews and we will see you next time. [00:10:00]