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DodoBorne is a comedy storytelling podcast where four friends dive into the world of Daggerheart, a brand-new tabletop roleplaying game by Darrington Press. Join Kapi, Crank, and Pistachio as they navigate a rich world of mystery, magic, and malfeasance! New episodes on alternating Tuesdays!
Hey, everybody. Welcome to this, an episode of DodoBorne! It's me, the GM, Isaac Allan Burns. Oh, we're feeling good. We're feeling great. Dodo Born is an actual play, Daggerheart podcast, where the 4 of us are gonna play the game created by Darrington Press, called Daggerheart.
Isaac Allen Burns:Sitting across from me right now, I've got Annie Hawthorne.
Annie Hawthorne:Yo.
Isaac Allen Burns:And across from Annie, I've got Rowan Collins.
Rowan Collins:Wait. Aren't you across from Annie?
Isaac Allen Burns:And across from Rowan, I've got Joe Diamatti.
Joe Diametti:I have no idea where I am at this table.
Isaac Allen Burns:I try to keep them on their toes. They never know where's we're going next.
Rowan Collins:I am on my butt.
Isaac Allen Burns:I play 2 truths and one lie whenever I introduce these people. It has been one full week since we last saw Althea. And I gotta say, one more week since we last saw it, and it looks better every single time I see it. Althea is just a beautiful place with the shimmering seas that surround this island continent to its tall mountains, some of which are snow capped to suggest that they're so very tall. Not tall enough to be impassable, mind you, but tall enough to be majestic and awe inspiring.
Joe Diametti:It feels like it's gonna come up later.
Isaac Allen Burns:Maybe. Who knows? I gotta keep you on your toes. Mhmm. You see, our 3 heroes here are members of the adventuring guild of Bracken Road.
Isaac Allen Burns:Brackenroad is a small farming town just outside the border of Just Thane and Voldane. They currently live on the Voldane side. And on the other side of those tall mountains that stand so majestically and inspiring just outside the town is just that, just on the other side of it. It is 1 week until the Apple Festival. That's right, the most important event in Bracken Road.
Isaac Allen Burns:And, Kapi, this year, much like every year, the missions have kind of slowed down. Missions have kind of been boring for the whole week. Like you really really peaked last week with those eelgaters, but it's been been really boring ever since. And Kapi, you know why. You know why that is.
Isaac Allen Burns:And it's because because the Apple Festival is coming about, there's a certain group that's getting a lot more invested in the town in order to keep up appearances. And you know who that group is, Kapi. That group is the Peacekeepers. Now, you know, I could sit here and tell you what the peacekeepers is, but actually, I'm gonna do something different. We're gonna learn who the peacekeepers are together through a flashback.
Isaac Allen Burns:Pistachio, you were once in school. Mhmm. Let's go back in time 6 years ago to a classroom. Pistachio was sitting in a classroom, and, Kapi, you never went to school, and Crank, you weren't around then. So Joe and Annie, you just get you can just be like 2 other students in this scene.
Isaac Allen Burns:So just kinda, you know, play into it when you feel necessary. Pistachio, you are 6 years younger than your real self, and you're sitting in a classroom. And up at the front is your history teacher, mister Toulouse. He stands in front of all of you, in front of a blackboard, and is looking out at everyone and says, well, that concludes our section on the war with Jastain, the war of Jastain rebellion. So as we all remember, that will be on the quiz.
Isaac Allen Burns:Now moving forward, I wanna talk about some of the effects of that war. Now who can tell me what happened to a majority of the army once the war was ended? Anyone tell me.
Rowan Collins:Oh, oh, oh.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yes. You in the back.
Annie Hawthorne:They died.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, well, that maybe that many soldiers did die in the war with Chastain rebellion. That is true. One of the bloodiest wars on record. Not quite though. I'm looking for different answers.
Isaac Allen Burns:Anyone else have an answer?
Joe Diametti:They got put in a power of the different towns?
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay. That's closer. That's good. Good. Good one.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yes. That was that's very close. Now who could tell me the name of that power? Anybody?
Rowan Collins:The peacekeeper?
Isaac Allen Burns:What was that? Speak up a little, pistachio.
Rowan Collins:Oh, the peacekeepers?
Isaac Allen Burns:Very good, pistachio. Yes. He writes on the board peacekeepers and says, once the war ended, and there was really no need for a strong army to be defending, from multiple fronts, from having to be all over, rather than simply keeping them in bases and training them as, you know, many of the conscripts wanted to stay in the army, they instead decided to set up a domestic prevention. Right? A domestic protection force.
Isaac Allen Burns:The peacekeepers, which we do have some here in Bracken Road, I'm sure you've seen them, Lieutenant Cantor and his men. Their main purpose is to protect the town from threats and to make sure that, everyone is feeling safe, feeling good, and making sure everyone, feels a sense of national pride in Vol Day. Right?
Rowan Collins:They also take a small portion of whatever we make and say that it's called taxes.
Isaac Allen Burns:You see that he gets a little uncomfortable and says, well, not directly. Yes. Do you have a question back there?
Joe Diametti:Yeah. My my I heard my dad say that they were a bunch of freeloaders that don't really have any business being in the town. Is that true, mister Toulouse? Well
Rowan Collins:Oh, my dad says that too.
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay. Well, settle down, children. Settle down. There are a lot of opinions about the peacekeepers. There are the you know, this is, you know, this is perhaps a little too complicated of a topic to get too deep into with the younger ones, but it just you know, I'm all about learning.
Isaac Allen Burns:Many people think that perhaps they, are a little too forceful of a hand in the various towns.
Rowan Collins:My mom says they don't have a forceful enough hand.
Isaac Allen Burns:Well and that's the other side of the topic.
Joe Diametti:Mister Toulouse? Yes? What do you think about the peacekeepers?
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, well, what I think is it really important, children? I'm just trying to spread the facts.
Rowan Collins:Do you think they're sexy in uniforms? That's what I heard my mom say.
Isaac Allen Burns:Well,
Joe Diametti:that's what I heard my dad say.
Rowan Collins:Oh, see? I guess their uniforms must be very sexy.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, dude.
Annie Hawthorne:What does sexy mean?
Rowan Collins:Sexy means attractive in a way that makes you wanna diddle with
Isaac Allen Burns:them. Alright. Alright. Okay, everybody. Settle down.
Isaac Allen Burns:We cut back in time. We cut forward. And, sure enough, the 3 of you have just finished a mission. It's a bit of a boring mission. And this comes to mind because as you're entering back into the town, you know, this is a town that has a small wooden fence surrounding it.
Isaac Allen Burns:Right? A wall, if you will. I'm using air quotes, a wall. And you see that today there is a pair of peacekeepers outside of the gates. They don't often stand there, but when they're actually working, you can always find a pair of them standing outside the gates.
Isaac Allen Burns:They nod to you as you enter in. And as you head back to the city, let's set the scene together for a second. So first and foremost, Crank, or rather Annie, where does your trio typically go after a mission? When you finished for the day, you've done all your hard work, you're looking to settle down, relax, where do you all often go?
Annie Hawthorne:I think that Crank tries to get everyone to go to the library, but nobody will ever go to the library. So I think we just go to wherever people drink in this town.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, very good. You yeah. You go to the younger, hipper drinking hole in the town, which is the Aphid Tavern. It's on the western side of town. It is a little more trendy.
Isaac Allen Burns:It's a little more modern, you know. It's kinda got that open that open concept where you can, like, see the girders, and there's bricks and all.
Joe Diametti:Oh, exposed brick? Exposed brick. Yeah. Diseconomy? Yeah.
Joe Diametti:Wow.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, yeah. Y'all, the Afid Afid tavern, real modern. You know, the young people love Afid tavern. And, Cabbie, it's been pretty boring, I would say. It's been a boring mission.
Isaac Allen Burns:In fact, what was the mission y'all just completed that you finished up for the day now?
Joe Diametti:I think it was sold to us that we were going to be dealing with some filth that was causing trouble. Oh. And when we got there, we found out it was clearing a dump of trash and manure for an elderly person.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, no. Yeah. The the definition of filth was, used to their advantage on this one. In fact, as you come in, y'all are kinda stinky.
Annie Hawthorne:Y'all
Isaac Allen Burns:are kinda stinky. And finally, Pistachio, to finally to set the final scene here, did the mission go well, or did it go poorly?
Rowan Collins:I think for Pistachio, it went well because they met made a lot of new friends. And by that, I meant they talked to a lot of rats that helped them clean. But if you ask the elderly person who is apparently terrified of rats, maybe not so
Joe Diametti:much. I did think it was weird when I turned around and you were just kinda, like, orchestrating them to carry a bag altogether, like, ants.
Rowan Collins:Well, not like ants. We're like a team that works together. Right? They, like, they wanna work together. They're all friends.
Rowan Collins:They're family.
Annie Hawthorne:They're
Joe Diametti:ants are friends?
Rowan Collins:The ants are also friends.
Annie Hawthorne:Are the
Joe Diametti:ants friends like we're friends?
Rowan Collins:No. Nobody could be friends like we're friends, Kathy.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I need a drink.
Rowan Collins:Oh, I would love a drink.
Isaac Allen Burns:As you enter in, sure enough, your table is, of course, open, and you see that behind the bar is a bartender polishing a glass that that lets you know who the bartender is if they're polishing the glass. This one's no different. The bartender here is this young fawn with kinda yellow tinged fur, named Miles. And as you step in, he nods to to to the 3 of you, points at a table in the corner. It's your table.
Isaac Allen Burns:You always go there. And he looks over and all he says, just the usual today?
Rowan Collins:Well, yes, Miles. I will love the usual. You know, please put the ice in the milk so that it, like, kinda floats to the top. I don't like it when it's all the way stuck on the bottom because then it's kinda frost to the glass a little bit. I like it when there's a little bit of space.
Rowan Collins:You know how I like it.
Isaac Allen Burns:I know how you like it, mister Tachio.
Joe Diametti:Yes, Miles. The usual. And by usual, we mean a glass of milk, a tin can of oil, and just a beer. The reason we come here, he says as he looks at both of Crank and pistachio.
Annie Hawthorne:Do you happen to have the premium machine oil today?
Isaac Allen Burns:You know, after you asked me the last time, I did go and get some just for you, Frank. So, you know, I I
Annie Hawthorne:like I appreciate that. I'll bring you pastries tomorrow.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, pay oh, you did say that you do grab pastries. Yeah. I'll take some I'll get on the pastry train. I'll get on that. Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns:Alright. One milk with half ice and one beer and a premium can of oil coming right up. Y'all just take a seat. I'll be right there.
Rowan Collins:Do you have the deli straws today?
Isaac Allen Burns:I have one that I kept to the side just for you. I treat my customers right.
Rowan Collins:Miles, you're my favorite.
Isaac Allen Burns:Miles disappears behind the kitchen, and soon, the 3 of you are sitting at your favorite table with your favorite drinks. So 3 of you are sitting there. Who's got their back to the door?
Joe Diametti:I do, probably.
Isaac Allen Burns:Awesome. Kevin, because you have your back to the door, that means you can see the bar. And sitting at the bar is 2 peacekeepers. You can tell they're peacekeepers because of their uniforms. They have this red jacket.
Isaac Allen Burns:It's a nice red jacket folded really nicely. It has gold tinged edges and lapels. Not actual gold. That would be really expensive, but just like gold colored. Right?
Isaac Allen Burns:Underneath, they've got a white shirt that has been ironed and pressed together. And the thing you notice, first of all, Kathy, you don't recognize these people. They look a lot younger than the others, and you've noticed that they keep looking over at your table. They're trying to be really discreet about it, but you see every so often one of them just kind of looks over and then kind of looks back.
Joe Diametti:Hey. Hey. Everyone be cool. Mhmm. Don't make it obvious that you see those guys over at the bar?
Joe Diametti:The peacekeepers?
Annie Hawthorne:I just turn around completely.
Rowan Collins:Pistachio whoops there.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh god.
Joe Diametti:Hi. I can
Isaac Allen Burns:see if they notice. They notice.
Rowan Collins:We wave. Hi.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh. You see that they look at each other and then
Rowan Collins:they look
Isaac Allen Burns:at you?
Joe Diametti:Hello. I I wave at them and openly say, hi. Yes. You too. If you wanna buy us a drink, I like the beer.
Joe Diametti:This one likes milk, and this one likes, and I can't make this clear, premium oil. So I suggest you either buy us the drinks or turn around.
Isaac Allen Burns:They look at each other, and you can tell that they're, like, a little nervous, and they walk over to your table. You see hang on one second. I don't wanna make them dwarves because I've used a lot of dwarves, but I'm trying to find
Rowan Collins:Can they also be firebolgs?
Isaac Allen Burns:You know what? Sure. Why not? You see furbolgs? They're 2 furbolgs.
Isaac Allen Burns:Young furbolgs. About your age, Kathy. One of them has sort of, like, skin that's more blue than yours, and she's got blonde hair that's tied back in a really tight bun. The other one is a young dude, kind of darker, like closer to blacker, and he's got these green eyes that are really green. And they walk over, the one of them, the one with green eyes walks up and says, hey.
Isaac Allen Burns:Sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you guys. How we I'm really sorry. We can't afford expensive drinks. I'm really sorry.
Joe Diametti:Wait. You are you what are what are these coats? Are you not peacekeepers?
Isaac Allen Burns:Well, we so we we're new recruits. We joined we actually got here 2 days ago. We're still trying to learn the place, and we heard that you're the adventurers. You're in the adventuring guild, and we're kinda wondering if you you kinda help us out on kinda figuring out where things are. Do do you have, like, a quick second?
Isaac Allen Burns:Can we can we just ask you a couple questions?
Annie Hawthorne:I'm just gonna, like, hold my giant hand out and say, I'm Craig. What's your name?
Isaac Allen Burns:Hi, Craig. The one with green eyes shakes her hand and says, my name is, Stefano.
Annie Hawthorne:Stefano. I don't think that's a food.
Rowan Collins:No. That's not a food. At least I don't think it is a food. Hi. I'm pistachio.
Rowan Collins:I've been here my whole life.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, hi. Stefano, nice to meet you. That is a food.
Rowan Collins:That is a food. For food? Yes. But I can't eat that food. Craig likes giving food to people.
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah. I look at the other one. What's your name?
Isaac Allen Burns:She looks at you and says, my name is Nepany.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, I don't think that's a food either. I don't
Isaac Allen Burns:think that's a food either. I wasn't named after
Annie Hawthorne:a food. Your favorite food?
Isaac Allen Burns:Well, it's so okay. There's this place Hi.
Joe Diametti:And the Hi. Nepany. Hi. How are you? I'm I'm Kapi.
Joe Diametti:I'm kind of the leader at the Adventurers Guild. I would love to answer your questions.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, okay. She looks at Stefano, who looks at you and says, there was a report of do you know what an asset borrower is?
Rowan Collins:Do you know what an asset borrower
Joe Diametti:is? Well, Stephanie, I am actually quite familiar with asset borrowers.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, okay. Can you give me some information? Like, what are they? Do they what do they do?
Annie Hawthorne:Well, they borrow. Okay. Well, yeah. And they also have acid.
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay.
Rowan Collins:And they're big.
Isaac Allen Burns:They're big? Like, how big? Are you, like, a horse big or a building big?
Rowan Collins:I squint at crank, like, 4 cranks big.
Joe Diametti:Oh, what?
Isaac Allen Burns:That's really big.
Annie Hawthorne:That was really big.
Rowan Collins:But, like, stacked on top of each other like a cube. Oh.
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay.
Rowan Collins:Like like, 2 cranks wide and 2 cranks tall. Four cranks.
Isaac Allen Burns:That's really big. Yeah. They said it was gonna be big, but that's bigger than I was thinking.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. They're pretty big.
Isaac Allen Burns:Have you have you seen them around these parts before? They said it was sort of a rare occurrence that it hasn't really come around here before.
Rowan Collins:I haven't.
Isaac Allen Burns:Mm-mm. So okay. Do you also I have another question. Do you know where the northern northern logging camp is? Because we've looked around and we can't find is it outside the city?
Isaac Allen Burns:It's
Annie Hawthorne:to the north.
Isaac Allen Burns:Well, yeah. Well, that's where we looked, but we didn't know if we needed to leave the city. They told us to, like, patrol the city, and so we didn't know if we needed to go north or not.
Annie Hawthorne:Well, see, if you go to the center of town and then you go north and then you keep going north, then then you'll get to the north.
Isaac Allen Burns:So it's outside the city?
Rowan Collins:It is outside the city. Yes. You just
Joe Diametti:Frank, you gotta be nice. These these peacekeepers, you know, they they get them very young, very uneducated.
Annie Hawthorne:Am I not being nice? I
Isaac Allen Burns:I'm trying
Annie Hawthorne:to give them directions.
Isaac Allen Burns:Do we have a pro he looks at you. Do we have a problem, dude? I'm so I didn't I didn't think we did anything to you. Did you do something
Annie Hawthorne:to me? When he doesn't have his his, Apple Fritter. Just ignore him.
Isaac Allen Burns:It is true.
Rowan Collins:Well, the Apple Fritter store is closed right now. So cap, he can't get his
Isaac Allen Burns:Apple Fritter. The bakery is closed today?
Rowan Collins:Yes. Well, just now because they're cleaning for the Apple Festival. Oh. He's sad he's not gonna see Scarlet.
Joe Diametti:No. What I'm sad about is that everybody has a choice to either join an adventuring guild, a noble cause, some would say, or the soulless with benefits package red coat peacekeepers.
Rowan Collins:On the plus side, it does look very good on you. I can see That is a good color. Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns:Thank you.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. You both look very trim in your outfits.
Isaac Allen Burns:Listen, I didn't wanna be thank you. I appreciate that.
Rowan Collins:You're welcome.
Isaac Allen Burns:My my dad was in the military, so I wanted to follow in his steps. And I he looks at you, Kathy says, and I didn't wanna be just a discount mercenary.
Joe Diametti:Kathy rolls his eyes so hard.
Rowan Collins:I don't I'm not a discount mercenary.
Annie Hawthorne:I'm actually retired from the military. So
Isaac Allen Burns:You fought in the war?
Annie Hawthorne:You're military? Yeah. I mean, kinda what I was built for.
Isaac Allen Burns:He looks at you for a second and you see some suspicion come on his eyes, and he says, I feel like I heard that a lot of clanks fought for Justine. Did you fight for Justine?
Rowan Collins:That's an irrelevant question.
Isaac Allen Burns:Really sorry to bother all of you. We'll just get out of your way.
Joe Diametti:What business do you have out at the logging camp?
Isaac Allen Burns:Well, so, apparently, there is an acid borrower causing problems in the northern logging camp. So the foreman sent something in for us to take care of. We know she kinda leans in and says, we we kind of gathered that this is a job that all of you typically do. So I don't I just got here. I don't know all the specifics, but I just really wanna start off on a good foot.
Isaac Allen Burns:So I'm sorry. And I hope that we can, you know, maybe work together sometime. Maybe we can help each other out. Out.
Rowan Collins:Well, I look at Kathy or and go, maybe we could show the where the launch is and maybe, you know Yeah.
Annie Hawthorne:And our super error sounds more exciting than picking up trash.
Isaac Allen Burns:You know, we're
Joe Diametti:Fine.
Isaac Allen Burns:We're really not supposed to get civilians involved. But since you are adventures We're
Annie Hawthorne:We're not civilians? Yeah.
Joe Diametti:We're not civilians.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. No. You have a chance to be
Annie Hawthorne:a civilian.
Joe Diametti:You're an adventure, mister Patio.
Rowan Collins:Right. I'm no longer a harbor.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, you work, you work with the Apples? You have Apples?
Rowan Collins:Oh, no. I I were my family owns the Dutch farm.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, that's the troops.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. Yeah. You've been here looking up that you know the troops.
Isaac Allen Burns:Well, we met, we met Hazel.
Rowan Collins:Oh, you've met my sister? Yeah. You've met twin sister. Don't we look the same?
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, like fraternal twins. Right?
Rowan Collins:No. We're identical twins.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh.
Rowan Collins:Yeah. We look exactly the same. If you looked us right next to each other, you could totally tell, like, we were the same shared the same womb.
Joe Diametti:Stephanie, you're in luck. I have a couple questions. First off, what is what is what is what is this relationship here between you and Nathaniel? What's your name? Nathaniel.
Joe Diametti:Name's
Isaac Allen Burns:Nathaniel. He says, annoyed. And she says, well, we were transferred here the same, and so we're on patrol together.
Rowan Collins:Are you asking if they're dating?
Joe Diametti:I just like to know who I have to work with, Pistachio. And he says that as he is just only addressing Nefani. Oh my god. So, Nefani, here's what we're gonna do. Lucky for you, you have the most skilled adventure, maybe for Miles, you have a robot that I literally saw murdering eelgater in cold blood.
Isaac Allen Burns:And You have eelgaters around these parts?
Rowan Collins:Yeah.
Annie Hawthorne:They're in the river. They eat turnips.
Rowan Collins:They are, in fact, cold blooded. So Kapi is not just being, you know, descriptive, but also factual.
Joe Diametti:And we even have a pistachio.
Rowan Collins:Bee. That's b.
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay. We really just needed directions to the logging factory.
Rowan Collins:Oh, I
Annie Hawthorne:told you it's north.
Isaac Allen Burns:That's not okay.
Joe Diametti:I'm a little worried if you can't follow the directions north.
Rowan Collins:Well, we could go for you.
Isaac Allen Burns:Do I have a way
Joe Diametti:to, like, see other intentions? Like
Isaac Allen Burns:Yeah. Do a we're gonna call this an instinct check. So go ahead and roll 2 d 12 and add your instinct modifier.
Joe Diametti:Alright. My instinct is a plus 0. Crit, baby.
Rowan Collins:Yo. That's so nice.
Isaac Allen Burns:No way.
Rowan Collins:Double twos.
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay. Yeah. What are you specifically looking for, would you say, Kapi, out of these 2?
Joe Diametti:I guess I'm I'm trying to figure out what the bit is, you know? Like, are they like, do they want help, or are they asking for instructions, or is there malicious intent, or
Isaac Allen Burns:So you get as you're reading the situation, Kathy, you see something. What you see in Stefano is someone trying to prove something, which I hate that. You can recognize really easily. You can recognize really easily. This guy definitely has, like, a chip on his shoulder.
Isaac Allen Burns:He's trying to, like, prove himself.
Joe Diametti:Mhmm.
Isaac Allen Burns:You can see that Nepany is just trying to get the job done. And what you can clearly see is, Stefano did not wanna talk to y'all, and is unhappy about the idea of y'all coming. And Nepany started out just by asking directions, and just trying to navigate how complicated it's gonna be if y'all come along to help out take out this asset borrower. If they're gonna get in trouble for it, or if y'all get hurt, what's gonna happen? She's basically trying to piece together like, how complicated this would be, but understands if something is 4 crank tall, then it, yeah, it might be tough to take on by themselves.
Isaac Allen Burns:Perfect.
Joe Diametti:Then I would like Kapi, what do we think, guys? Do we, like, sit Nathaniel out? Can you tell him to sit this one out? I think he's kind of bothering us. Not very cool.
Rowan Collins:Is it because you wanna put the boobs on Nessie?
Annie Hawthorne:I'm confused. I thought you liked Scarlet, and now you like this person?
Joe Diametti:What do you mean? I don't like Scarlet. What do you that's
Isaac Allen Burns:I think
Rowan Collins:you can't keep your heart from singing.
Joe Diametti:Oh, pistachio. Crank. I guess when it comes to the matters of love, things can be complicated. Right? You know, maybe me and Scarlet had a history, but we're on different paths right now.
Joe Diametti:So, you know, who am I to turn away a long haired furball that needs our help, if anything?
Rowan Collins:Who looks good in uniform? Who They like, their eyebrows go up and down as they stare at you.
Joe Diametti:Alright, pistachio. Be cool.
Rowan Collins:Oh, right. Right. Right. Nathaniel, could I get you a milk?
Isaac Allen Burns:I'm lactose intolerant.
Joe Diametti:Of course, you are.
Rowan Collins:Can I get you a cider?
Isaac Allen Burns:I'm not supposed to drink on the job. Oh my god.
Joe Diametti:Alright. Can we get you to go sit at the bar and wait for us to get back? That way, if your lieutenant listen. If your lieutenant needs you guys and needs to make sure there's one of you in the town, I don't wanna rob him of that. I know how I don't wanna rob you of the chance to lick anyone's boots, really, is what
Rowan Collins:You lick boots?
Annie Hawthorne:Sounds unsanitary.
Rowan Collins:It is disgusting. Roll
Joe Diametti:a,
Isaac Allen Burns:roll a presence check to attempt to persuade this person. The DC for this was, like, an an 11, and then you said lick their boots, so now it's a 14.
Joe Diametti:Okay. My presence is a plus 1.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, okay. That's pretty good.
Joe Diametti:That is a 14 with hope.
Isaac Allen Burns:No. I don't know.
Rowan Collins:Okay. Oh.
Isaac Allen Burns:So, Kapi, Joe, you you Oh, wait. No.
Joe Diametti:I lied. It's a 15.
Isaac Allen Burns:A 15?
Joe Diametti:Because I forgot about my plus 1. It's a 15 with hope.
Isaac Allen Burns:A 15 with hope. That beats the DC. And I get a
Joe Diametti:hope from that.
Isaac Allen Burns:You get a hope from that. That's true. And so this is a success with hope, which means that it's a pretty good result. You see that he, Stefano, he's got his arms crossed, kinda looks you up and down. And you see because of that critical you rolled earlier, I'll say that can continue.
Isaac Allen Burns:You gotta have a read on this guy. This guy cuts you a look, looks you up and down, and the thought goes through his mind. Well, if they go on ahead and this asset borrower is too much for them, I could come in and save them. So he nods and says, alright. If you're sure, I'll hang out here in case the lieutenant comes around.
Isaac Allen Burns:And he sort of looks at Nefanie who says, Stefania, are you sure that's good? Stefania said, no. Yeah. This is great. He goes to sit at the bar and does that thing where you, like, put your elbows on the bar, and you're looking out at it.
Rowan Collins:Miles could hook you up with some kind of good food. Everything is good here. They, like, have the best, apple chips if you want them. You can put it on my tab.
Isaac Allen Burns:He, gets very interested when you say that and says, I'll make sure to do that. Yeah.
Rowan Collins:Miles, please make sure he doesn't bake for me.
Isaac Allen Burns:See, Miles, who's been watching this this whole time, which is like a little bit of an awkward smile on his face, nods at you and says, hey, I I do what I can for my best customers. You got it.
Rowan Collins:Thank you Miles. Appreciate you.
Isaac Allen Burns:And as the 4 of you leave, you see that there is a young boy running up to the 4 of you. He's got, like, a little cap and little overalls, suspend like, a little jean overalls, like a white shirt. Classic like Dickensian child. And as he runs up to the 4 of you, he yells, parcel, parcel for you, crank. He holds out a letter and says, parcel for you.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, I never get mail.
Isaac Allen Burns:Mail for you from Roseanne, the librarian.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, it's from it's from my mom. Oh.
Isaac Allen Burns:That's right. One parcel to the tall robot who wears a hat.
Annie Hawthorne:Alright. Take it. I open it up immediately.
Isaac Allen Burns:Open it up immediately, and it's a little note that reads, dear Crank, MA is a heart. I have very exciting news for you, exclamation point, smiley face. A package just came in for you. Come to the library whenever you get a chance today. And it says, love, Roseanne.
Isaac Allen Burns:And then in parentheses, it says, mom. You see the little kid is holding out his hand to you, palm up.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, right. I fish out a silver piece, I guess. I don't know.
Isaac Allen Burns:He, he takes it and looks at it and says, all these mises. And then he kicks a rock and then runs off. He has other parcels to do.
Annie Hawthorne:Well, I'm on a pension. I don't have all the money in the world.
Rowan Collins:Do you want a bag of nuts?
Isaac Allen Burns:He turns around and runs back and says, you say a bag of nuts?
Rowan Collins:Yeah.
Isaac Allen Burns:I'll take a bag of nuts.
Rowan Collins:Alright. I write down the group family farm address and go, I'll give this to my mom. I can't touch them because I would explode in rashes, but you get one bag of nuts on me.
Isaac Allen Burns:He takes it and looks at it and says, this ain't a bag of nuts.
Rowan Collins:No. That's not a dress to where you get a bag of nuts.
Isaac Allen Burns:Are you asking me to deliver a parcel?
Rowan Collins:No. What's your name?
Isaac Allen Burns:Morning? Yeah. No one's asked what my name is before. My name's Postmate.
Rowan Collins:Postmate?
Isaac Allen Burns:That's right.
Rowan Collins:Like like
Isaac Allen Burns:b o s m a, Postmate. Postmate. That's right. I'm starting a business where I'll deliver things to the people who need them. I'll deliver parcels.
Isaac Allen Burns:I'll deliver food. I'll just sign the contract with the bakery in town to deliver food to people once they open after all day cleaning they doing.
Rowan Collins:Oh, that's fantastic.
Isaac Allen Burns:That's right.
Rowan Collins:But I feel like he's still your gig, Craig. Mhmm.
Annie Hawthorne:I also like to deliver people food.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, you deliver food too? Are you telling me that you had a corner of the market that you monopolized, and now I'm stepping into your market?
Annie Hawthorne:Well, technically, I don't charge to deliver food, so there's no market What? To speak of.
Isaac Allen Burns:You're trying to murder the market right now. I can't compete with free. How are we supposed to improve the free hand of the market with bad competition like this? There's a word for this that I'm a come up with and get real famous for talking about later once I figure out how money works.
Joe Diametti:Scram, kid.
Isaac Allen Burns:That's not my name. My name's Postmate.
Rowan Collins:Thank you, Postmate.
Isaac Allen Burns:You're welcome. I'll eat points at Ukraine and says, I'll never forget you. We're gone. We're gonna fight to the bitter end, and then only one of us is gonna stand on top of the delivery service mountain. And it's gonna be me.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, okay.
Isaac Allen Burns:He runs off.
Joe Diametti:Frank, do you have a new arch nemesis?
Rowan Collins:I I
Annie Hawthorne:don't know. Is that what that was?
Joe Diametti:I think that's what that was.
Annie Hawthorne:I just give people food because people like food.
Joe Diametti:Mhmm. Well, so what what what's the note say?
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, there's a package at the library for me.
Isaac Allen Burns:You see, Nephanie, looks at the 3 of you and says, if you need to take care of that, I can just go wait, on the northern gate for you to come by. I need to kinda patrol the town anyway, so I figured I'd give it one last look and then we can, you know, meet there.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, let's let's pick a pit stop by the library and get that package.
Isaac Allen Burns:Okay. Yeah. I'll meet you at the northern gate. And she walks off.
Annie Hawthorne:Yeah. You know, I never did under, hear what her favorite food is. Mhmm. Yeah. How how do I know what to get her for her birthday?
Rowan Collins:Wait. Are you giving people things because it's their birthday?
Annie Hawthorne:Well, birthdays you give people things. I mean, I give people things anytime, but birthdays seem like a good
Rowan Collins:Yeah. I mean, yeah. But I was just concerned that you thought every day was somebody's birthday.
Annie Hawthorne:Well, every day is somebody's birthday.
Rowan Collins:But, like, not the same person's birthday. Like, it's a special day.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, no.
Rowan Collins:Like like, mine is always, like it's, like, 3 weeks away.
Annie Hawthorne:Do you think that I should only give people things on their birthday?
Rowan Collins:Oh, no. Absolutely not. I love the fact that you give gifts all the time. It's like bringing the little ray of sunshine into everybody's life.
Annie Hawthorne:Well, that's good. I'm glad it seemed that way.
Joe Diametti:We need to get you guys meaner. Craig, I wouldn't worry. I don't think Nephenny is gonna be still be around on her birthday.
Annie Hawthorne:We don't even know when her birthday is.
Rowan Collins:Hey, Nathaniel. When's Stephanie's birthday?
Isaac Allen Burns:You walk back inside the bar, and you see, Nathaniel is there. He's got, like, a big plate of nachos, and he turns around and shrugs. I don't know.
Rowan Collins:Archie will have her partner. Oh, okay. Okay. And you don't know everything about her yet?
Isaac Allen Burns:Why would I?
Rowan Collins:Because you're her partner. You work with her.
Isaac Allen Burns:Coworkers.
Rowan Collins:But you feel like
Isaac Allen Burns:Do you think just everyone who works together is just best friends?
Rowan Collins:I mean, that's how it worked for me.
Joe Diametti:Pistachio.
Rowan Collins:Oh, Tommy, boss. How big.
Isaac Allen Burns:He, Stefano looks at you for a second, Kapi, and just raises an eyebrow.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. I ray he Kapi raises his eyebrow eyebrow back. The problem is that in real life, this is a guy I'd have a problem with.
Isaac Allen Burns:Yep. Yep. So I I Kapi takes It's a where kid.
Joe Diametti:Kapi takes pistachio over the shoulder and is, like, listen. Are you under the impression no. He actually gets down to pistachio's level. Okay. Listen.
Joe Diametti:Listen, kiddo. Yes. I'm worried that you're getting a little attached to Crank and I.
Rowan Collins:Well, yeah. Of course. I You're my best friends
Annie Hawthorne:Oh.
Rowan Collins:And you're my boss.
Joe Diametti:Yeah. And while that is so sweet, I really just wanna stress how dangerous that that could be to get close to people like me or the robot that's eyes turn red and kill things. I just I've been doing this for a while, and, the attachment, it just doesn't work. It doesn't work. You
Rowan Collins:know? Why?
Joe Diametti:So that's why we are going to stop by the library.
Rowan Collins:Mhmm.
Joe Diametti:Get Crank's package.
Rowan Collins:Uh-huh.
Joe Diametti:I can't wait to meet Crank's mom.
Rowan Collins:Uh-huh. You know, the whole stay attached thing. Yes.
Joe Diametti:We're going to go north to the logging cabin.
Rowan Collins:Uh-huh.
Joe Diametti:We're going to help do whatever there and subsequently help Nepany.
Rowan Collins:Uh-huh.
Joe Diametti:You guys are going to go home.
Rowan Collins:Right.
Joe Diametti:I'm going to give Nephe a tour of the adventures guild
Rowan Collins:Okay.
Joe Diametti:And she'll be gone by the morning
Rowan Collins:Okay.
Joe Diametti:Much like we'll all be gone one day.
Rowan Collins:Okay.
Joe Diametti:Okay, kiddo. Alright.
Annie Hawthorne:Craig, library? Library.
Joe Diametti:Library.
Rowan Collins:So what I got from that is to invite everybody to a sleepover.
Annie Hawthorne:I would love to go to a sleepover.
Rowan Collins:Would you like to come over? I'd love to introduce you to my mom after we meet your mom.
Annie Hawthorne:Absolutely. This sounds like great fun.
Isaac Allen Burns:That's so cute. I love that. The 3 of you make your way to the library, weaving through town as you see townsfolk around putting up decorations, doing some painting on the buildings to make them look really nice and pop. You see apples, dried apples. You see all kinds of decorations that you would expect for an Apple Festival.
Isaac Allen Burns:And eventually, you get to a building that just has, like, a string of paper apples just over the entryway. That is the library, and it is currently unlocked.
Rowan Collins:Oh, gosh. I haven't been to the library in a long time. Probably, like, a few years since I was at school. Oh.
Joe Diametti:I was forced in once.
Rowan Collins:Oh.
Joe Diametti:It's literally nothing but books.
Annie Hawthorne:I don't open the door and all.
Isaac Allen Burns:You open the door to the library.
Annie Hawthorne:Like, hi, mom. I got your letter.
Isaac Allen Burns:You see, Roseanne is up on a staircase, up on, like, one of those stairs. Right? And it is, like, putting a book a lie and sees you. And her face just brightens immediately. The other 2 of you who probably haven't been to the library before, or if you have, probably didn't notice who this was, you see this elderly fawn.
Isaac Allen Burns:We're talking, like, 200 years old. Right? Very old. Not old enough to be like, you know, decrepit, but old enough that, like, old. She's got wrinkles that suggest a life of laughter and smiles, and she's got glasses that hang on the edge of her nose.
Isaac Allen Burns:There's those glasses that don't have, like, the arms on either side. They just sort of, like, squeezed at the end of her nose, and she's got, like, that perm. She's got, like, a gray perm on her head. And she comes over wearing, like, a pink cardigan and just immediately, like, gives Crank a big hug and says, oh, Crank, it's so good to see you again. I see you brought your friends.
Annie Hawthorne:Yes. It's been 6 whole hours since I was here.
Isaac Allen Burns:Hey. No. You were just here earlier. Just after you left, it came in. But but introduce me to your friends.
Isaac Allen Burns:Who are all of you?
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, this is my very best friend in the world, pistachio.
Rowan Collins:Hi. I'm Pistachio. I'm Craig's best friend, and you must be Craig's mom.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, yes. I guess you could say that. Oh, wonderful to meet you, Pistachio.
Rowan Collins:Wonderful to meet you, Craig's mom. Can I also call you mom? I mean, I guess I have a mom. Can I call you Craig's mom?
Isaac Allen Burns:Sure. Sure. If that's what you wanna call me, that's fine.
Rowan Collins:Cool. Thanks, Seebo. This is our boss.
Isaac Allen Burns:And who's this cold drink of water?
Annie Hawthorne:This is Cathy.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, hello, handsome. Hello.
Joe Diametti:I have so many questions. Oh, about your life choices?
Isaac Allen Burns:Well, this is a library. Unfortunately, there are no books about old me. Mhmm.
Joe Diametti:That's a shame because I could read it all night.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, you're such a charmer.
Rowan Collins:Oh, Kapi's flirting with your bum.
Isaac Allen Burns:I haven't gotten this.
Annie Hawthorne:Are you gonna be my new dad?
Rowan Collins:Oh, no.
Joe Diametti:We'll see how the night goes, Crank.
Rowan Collins:Oh, oh,
Isaac Allen Burns:wait. I haven't gotten this much action in a 100 years.
Rowan Collins:We're gonna call Kathy c dad.
Joe Diametti:I think Kathy just probably likes to flirt. I think he either he I think he thinks he has to do everything by joking, intimidating, or flirting.
Isaac Allen Burns:That's incredible. Oh my gosh. Yeah. You know, Roseanne, loves it. It's just eating it up.
Isaac Allen Burns:Just thinks you're so cute. And she kind of, squeezes your arm prank and says, you wait right here. I'll go get it. And she goes into the back for a moment and then returns with a tome. This is an old tome, and she sort of has trouble lifting it, but slams it on the front desk and says, well, to be honest, you've been reading a lot of really basic books about, magic here, a couple of children's books, and, you know, a lot of books about maybe the history of magic as it relates to, what were the
Joe Diametti:names of the children's book? I was thinking about it from the the other session, and I Yeah. I wanna know the names.
Isaac Allen Burns:Let's all go in a circle and name a children's book about magic, starting with Rowan. Ready? Go.
Rowan Collins:1 wish, 2 ish, red wish, blue wish.
Joe Diametti:Oh my god. Nailed it.
Isaac Allen Burns:That's incredible. Okay. John I'll
Rowan Collins:be here all night.
Joe Diametti:Shit.
Isaac Allen Burns:I'm writing these down.
Joe Diametti:Wait a minute. Give a magic mouse a cookie.
Isaac Allen Burns:Annie, give me give me another one.
Annie Hawthorne:Where the Magic Things Are.
Isaac Allen Burns:Alright then. My book is gonna be The Giving Tree, but it's magic.
Joe Diametti:Like in parentheses?
Isaac Allen Burns:In parentheses, it says, but it's magic. So anyways, Roseanne looks at you after naming all those books and says, so and none of those were really, you know, magic books, but I called in a favor at the capitol, the Regulus Library, and they were able to send me a book. It it I sent it, you know, the first day you came here. So I'm sorry it's taken 3 weeks to get here, but it finally did. I will say, I I must tell you, it is it's like a 4th edition.
Isaac Allen Burns:Current I asked around, and currently, they're on the 10th edition. So this is a little older, but a lot of the foundational things in there should still be good. It's not old enough to be an artifact or a relic or valuable in any ways, but hopefully, this can help you. Hopefully, this can help.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, thank you so much, mom.
Isaac Allen Burns:This is
Annie Hawthorne:very nice of you. I'll bring you extra pastries.
Rowan Collins:Oh, oh,
Isaac Allen Burns:just you coming every morning just makes my day.
Rowan Collins:Oh, do you like how carrying all those pastries, Craig?
Annie Hawthorne:I actually have a good bit of storage in here, actually. It's several cubic feet.
Rowan Collins:Oh, okay.
Isaac Allen Burns:It But
Annie Hawthorne:thank you for offering.
Isaac Allen Burns:Hey. Do you have storage inside yourself? What where?
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, yes. And I'll just, like, open up my little chest cavity.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, yes. It's
Annie Hawthorne:hollow. And I'll take the book, and I'll put it in there, and I'll just, like, shove it. You know?
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh my.
Annie Hawthorne:And then I'll close it.
Rowan Collins:Well See? Wow.
Annie Hawthorne:Look, mom. No
Rowan Collins:hands. Oh, Craig, you're
Isaac Allen Burns:so talented. Oh, dear. Well, do enjoy. I hope it helps. Thanks for coming by.
Isaac Allen Burns:I'm so glad you got my letter. The young man who came in here, he was offering services to deliver parcels a few days ago, and so I decided I'd, you know, maybe try it out.
Annie Hawthorne:Yes. He seemed very upset when I told him I just brought people food without charging them money.
Isaac Allen Burns:Oh, yes. He has a bit of an entrepreneurial spirit, which means he's very competitive.
Rowan Collins:He's Craig's mortal enemy.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh. Supposedly. I don't really know what that means. But
Isaac Allen Burns:I remember my first mortal enemy.
Rowan Collins:What were they like?
Isaac Allen Burns:Her name was Sandra, and I buried that bitch 6 feet in the ground 75 years ago. Holy I outlived her. I sure did.
Rowan Collins:Holy crap, Seetmob. That's badass.
Isaac Allen Burns:Thank you. She smiles real wide. As, she looks all of you smiling, you see that she's about to open her mouth to say something when you hear a window shatter across the street, and you hear some shouting.
Rowan Collins:Oh, uh-uh. Uh-oh.
Annie Hawthorne:We gotta go check that out, guys. Thanks for the book, mom.
Isaac Allen Burns:Of course.
Annie Hawthorne:I'll let you know what I learned.
Isaac Allen Burns:I'll see you tomorrow.
Annie Hawthorne:See you tomorrow.
Joe Diametti:Kapi goes to run out the door, but then runs back, kisses her hand, and then runs out.
Rowan Collins:Woah. Kapi's putting the boobs on.
Isaac Allen Burns:He grabs
Joe Diametti:pistachio as
Isaac Allen Burns:What a charmer. She says as you bust open the door, and as you step out in the street, you see a kerfuffle occurring. First thing you notice, the building across from you is missing a window. It's shattered onto the ground. You see that there is a man, more specifically, a fawn wearing a vest who's got some blood on his arms and a look in his eyes that suggests he's rather inebriated right now.
Isaac Allen Burns:And you see at the entrance to the building is another fawn. A fawn is pretty nondescript, except that he looks really mad. You also see Nephenee currently trying to, like, pick up this fawn. You see that the owner is just yelling really angrily. And as this, older Fawn is sort of, like, getting up, she's kinda woozy.
Isaac Allen Burns:He looks around. He looks at Nephenee and, like, shoves her and says, you're getting a test for me out of this black community. And he takes off running into the streets. You see, Nephew kinda gets pushed back a little bit, and as you look inside, you see that there is a, couple of people kinda hurt. Looks like a fight got caused inside this building, And, Nephew, looks at the 3 of you with her eyes wide and says, you go after him.
Isaac Allen Burns:I'll take make sure everything's okay in here.
Joe Diametti:Oh. You got it. And then Kapi just takes off running down the street.
Annie Hawthorne:Oh, I I'm chasing this guy too.
Rowan Collins:Can I not help here, Nefanie? I feel like my legs don't go
Isaac Allen Burns:Nope. I feel
Annie Hawthorne:like that. Well,
Isaac Allen Burns:the the 3 of you take off running. 2 of you on purpose. 1 of you accidentally. And guys, guess what? That is where we will end this episode of Dodo Borne.
Isaac Allen Burns:Thanks for playing, and tip your waitress.
Rowan Collins:Hey.
Isaac Allen Burns:It's a podcast.