Mystery Maniacs

🎙️ Episode:  https://share.transistor.fm/s/ced64fbd
📓 Show Notes: https://midsomermaniacs.transistor.fm/206

Mystery Maniacs Episode! In Podcast 206, Alternative Universe Poirot and Kool-Aid Hastings burgle the house of a blackmailer only to learn about Japp’s longing for the sea. I want to kick him down the stairs!


Show Notes

Thanks again for listening!
 
Mark & Sarah

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Upcoming Schedule
  • July 1 - Poirot S02E03 - “The Lost Mine”
  • July 3 - July Newsletter

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Creators & Guests

Host
Mark Bell
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs
Host
Sarah Smith-Robbins
Co-host of Mystery Maniacs

What is Mystery Maniacs?

Mystery Maniacs Podcast is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to British Mystery Television. Formerly, Midsomer Maniacs podcast.

Sarah:

I got lipstick all over my knitting.

Sarah:

It's stuck in my mustache.

Sarah:

Hey, Maniacs.

Mark:

Hey, Mystery Maniacs. Mystery Maniacs is a comedy recap podcast dedicated to mystery TV. Each week, we dig into an episode of a show, including the murders, the mayhem, the loonies, and everything else we love.

Sarah:

This week, we're talking about Poirot season 2 episode 2, the veiled lady.

Mark:

Oh, and we know who that lady is.

Sarah:

Yeah. Well, yeah. Because she takes it off eventually. Oh, I say.

Mark:

I say.

Sarah:

Hastings. Oh, god.

Mark:

Hastings is full on cartoon in this episode.

Sarah:

Pretty lady. I chase a bad guy for you. I jump out a window.

Mark:

I'm the Kool Aid man.

Sarah:

We'll get there.

Mark:

Okay. So this is a spoiler podcast. We're gonna give away the ending to a show that was originally aired almost 40 years ago. And, if you let your kids, pretend to be workmen from foreign lands and go into other people's houses, they should be able to listen to the podcast.

Sarah:

Not many people do that, though. I don't think. No.

Mark:

I don't think so either.

Sarah:

If you let them go outside without waxing their mustache first Oh. They can handle this episode.

Mark:

I'm back from the comic book show celebrating National Typewriter Day, which is today, by the way.

Sarah:

Oh, the day we're recording?

Mark:

Yes. And a listener sent me a whole thing about that.

Sarah:

We're recording a day late, by the way Yes. Because our Internet was down almost all day yesterday.

Mark:

So we had to avoid the crazy children. Is the Internet backup? Is the Internet backup?

Sarah:

All I did was hide from them all day long.

Mark:

I read, like, 10 comics, like, graphic novels, which was wonderful, But every 5 minutes, I had,

Sarah:

Can I reset the router? There's there's no point. It's down. Anyhow.

Mark:

Couple of news items. First of all, there's gonna be a new Netflix show of an Agatha Christie series of the 7 dials mystery. Secret society and, oh, it's super good. Mhmm. They're gonna secret society and, oh, it's super good.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

They're gonna have a lot of fun with it.

Sarah:

Do we know when it's gonna be released?

Mark:

Next year.

Sarah:

Oh.

Mark:

And then and then another thing coming next year

Sarah:

I really can I just say, I really, really hate it when I see a trailer

Mark:

for something seen a trailer yet?

Sarah:

I know. But when I see a trailer for something that and I'm like, all this looks so good. And at the end of it, it's like releasing sometime in the future.

Mark:

In the next decade. Like,

Sarah:

you jerks. Why are you getting me excited about it now?

Mark:

Because that's the way promotion works.

Sarah:

I teach marketing classes, and it still bugs me. Okay? Okay.

Mark:

I do it every week. I tell people to remind I remind people to watch the episode that we're covering as a secret sneaky way to promote the show.

Sarah:

I know, but it's not a year between when you say that and when we do the podcast.

Mark:

Be a number of hours today. Yeah. And then second of all, more related to what we're talking about today, David Suchet has a new documentary coming out soon. I know it's done filming, which is the grand tour based on Agatha Christie's grand tour.

Sarah:

Oh, that'll be awesome.

Mark:

So it's a travel show.

Sarah:

It's Agatha Christie's he did was so good.

Mark:

Yep. We lost a great one this week. Donald Sutherland passed 88, and we had no idea that he was in a version of ordeal by innocence. Oh, baby. We need to see this.

Sarah:

I know, but we can't see it. No. We can't find it anywhere.

Mark:

Unavailable anywhere. So this was 1984. I'm surprised I didn't see this in this theater. And Donald Sutherland plays this strange Arthur Calgary, who is actually the main character of the story. I think the Marple version of this inserts Marple into it.

Mark:

But just just the list of people, Donald Sutherland, Faye Dunaway, Christopher Plummer, Sarah Miles, Ian McShane, Diana Quick, Annette Crosby, Brian Glover. Like, who is not in this movie Wow. Is is a question. And apparently, Michael Mulhoney is in this movie too. Apparently, it has a hot jazz score.

Mark:

Oh. Lug plays, Brian Glover, who plays Lug in

Sarah:

in Campion. Campion.

Mark:

He's in a tiny part of this movie, but he is in no less than 6 shots of the trailer. He plays Jacko's executioner. That's the only part he plays, but, boy, he is all over the trailer.

Sarah:

So this is the story the Marple version of it is the they it takes place on an island where her former maid is about to get married, and Julian Rhine Tutt shows up, and he's like an eel expert or something.

Mark:

Character in this version. Oh, perfect. Oh, Ian McShane is so slippery. Just the trailer, you're like,

Sarah:

wow. Does he play Jacko?

Mark:

No. He doesn't. Oh, okay. He plays one of the remember, there's, like, 10 children and they all but they're not related to each other.

Sarah:

Right. They're all adopted. Yes. Yeah.

Mark:

In addition on the Reddit, we've had a couple of people mention that we should be eating meals. Thank you, but no.

Sarah:

Mark doesn't eat anything that comes out of the water.

Mark:

We had the individual who booked the Hoover building send us an email and said they were a fan of the podcast.

Sarah:

So the Hoover building was the pie factory

Mark:

Yep. In the dream.

Sarah:

In the dream, episode ago. I just shoot myself. Yeah. And the person who emailed us used to manage it.

Mark:

And he booked it for their show.

Sarah:

And booked it for that show, which is just incredible.

Mark:

And is a fan of the show, which is fantastic. And we also wanna reach out to on Reddit. Fan of the show understand

Sarah:

us because she's doped up on painkillers after a surgery.

Mark:

She had abdominal surgery. ErmaCat. Get better. Absolutely. Okay.

Sarah:

Maybe we should talk gibberish and freak her out. She'd be like, is it the medicine or is it the podcast? I don't

Mark:

know. I think we're on pain medication with the things we talk about.

Sarah:

Oh, we got some stuff.

Mark:

Oh, boy. We got some interesting things in this episode. Originally, air dated 7th January 1990. So it is 34 years old. Absolutely.

Mark:

Directed by Edward Bennett and written by Clive Exton. So they did the first four series of Poirot, and then they left, I guess, in a huff.

Sarah:

Oh, drama.

Mark:

And they did Rosemary and Thyne after this.

Sarah:

Oh.

Mark:

So that that was what they did right after. The short

Sarah:

story good too.

Mark:

Yep. The short story was released first in March of 1925, which means that the a short story is almost a 100 years old.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

Okay. We start in the muse. Do you ever wish to go shopping in a place like this now?

Sarah:

This is the Burlington Arcade.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

It's not just any shopping place, Mark.

Mark:

It's in Piccadilly. I've been to this arcade.

Sarah:

I have also been there. I remember walking through because it was pouring down rain outside, and it was a shortcut. And I remember just thinking, I can't afford anything in here, and I I probably won't in my entire life. But it's interesting to walk through here.

Mark:

It's beautiful. The architecture is stunning.

Sarah:

And I saw one of the Beatles.

Mark:

Oh, you did? Mhmm. What Beetle did you see?

Sarah:

That's what the guards are called. They're called the Beatles

Mark:

Oh, okay.

Sarah:

With a d. B e e d l.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

Because the guy who built it actually hired a regiment from the military to be the guards.

Mark:

Oh, that's fantastic.

Sarah:

And they're still there. Oh. They're called Beatles, and they wear a uniform, and they keep the peace in that very fancy place.

Mark:

When I was in Piccadilly, the first time I was in the

Sarah:

Which Beatle did you did you think I saw one of the musicians, the Beatles?

Mark:

From McCartney? Let's see. You you talked about

Sarah:

I just never mentioned that the stars are. I just never mentioned I saw

Mark:

I mentioned. I do that all the time. By the way, I'm the president of France.

Sarah:

Did I tell you that? A woman once picked me up. Not not for a date. Like, physically picked me up.

Mark:

She picked me up. So we start in the muse, and we get a great musical cue here. We get a dun dun dun.

Sarah:

Dun. Wait a minute though. Speaking of Beatles with a t. Okay. So Burlington Arcade, very fancy place.

Sarah:

Always has been a fancy place, by the way. Yes. Meant to be a place for wealthy people to shop away from the hoi polloi

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Of the dirty streets in the Victorian era.

Mark:

It's covered. It's inside. It's like a shopping mall.

Sarah:

Yes. There is an underground system that goes from one end to the other where they had small children who would take your packages and take them to your carriage.

Mark:

Oh my. So

Sarah:

you didn't have to carry your stuff.

Mark:

That's fantastic.

Sarah:

They've got rules there so that nobody gets boisterous. Yes. There's no yelling. No. There's no singing.

Sarah:

There's no panhandling. There's no strollers or bicycles. You're not allowed to whistle.

Mark:

Not allowed to whistle?

Sarah:

No. No. You wanna guess why? I don't know. Because it was a signal that pickpockets used to use.

Sarah:

Oh. So there to this day, there is no whistling allowed in Burlington Arcade except for 2 people who are allowed to whistle there.

Mark:

Who?

Sarah:

1 is sir Paul McCartney.

Mark:

Oh. A beat a beetle. We've we've brought it around.

Sarah:

Yes. The other one is a kid named Jaden.

Mark:

Okay. He's allowed to

Sarah:

He got good grades. So they said he could whistle there.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

But the most interesting story I found about this place, and I know we're on a tangent before we even get started, but this is really interesting, was that in the Victorian era so all of the shops that you see, the shopkeepers often lived above them.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

Right? So there's, like, 2 floors above the stores, and one of them was a millinery. Right? Hat maker

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

Named Madame Parsons.

Mark:

Madame Parsons.

Sarah:

She had 3 units, 27, 28, and 29. Wow. This was no small millinery.

Mark:

My hat's for you, not for you.

Sarah:

No hats for you. No hats for you. But in reality, it was a brothel that she was running upstairs.

Mark:

Oh, wow.

Sarah:

Very, very classy brothel.

Mark:

I would imagine.

Sarah:

But the most amazing thing about Madame Parsons

Mark:

Mhmm.

Sarah:

Was that she was a he. Oh. And nobody knew it until she died. Wow. She lived her entire life as a woman and being her true to herself.

Mark:

Yeah. And

Sarah:

And nobody knew it. Not even the people who worked closest with her

Mark:

That's fantastic.

Sarah:

Until she died.

Mark:

What a life story. I wonder if there's a book about her.

Sarah:

If there isn't, there ought to be because she sounds amazing.

Mark:

She does. Absolutely amazing.

Sarah:

Because it was high class even then, and they they tolerated her running a brothel there. She must have been very high class.

Mark:

Yeah. And no one knew.

Sarah:

Yeah. And nobody knew. Anyhow, so we're in the Burlington arcade. The world's worst thief who is sweaty and totally suspicious looking, pulls a gun out.

Mark:

Steals the deals.

Sarah:

Why is he that cabinet locked?

Mark:

I don't know. Stop thief or I'll say stop again.

Sarah:

Yeah. Stop that guy. But they do stop him.

Mark:

Yes. They do.

Sarah:

But not before he hands off the real jewels to a confederate Yes. Which is very sneaky.

Mark:

And we'll get to that. Get to who that is.

Sarah:

Why why would you okay. You pick a store in the middle of the arcade?

Mark:

In the middle of the day.

Sarah:

I would choose one at the very end.

Mark:

Right at the end of the day.

Sarah:

Where you can get in and out quick.

Mark:

When it wasn't busy.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah.

Mark:

Well, we should have a discussion of why we aren't thieves.

Sarah:

Which is what Poirot is doing in a second.

Mark:

Poirot. So I know we have

Sarah:

talked hear the name of Poirot.

Mark:

I know we have

Sarah:

Actually, most of them have probably never heard of you.

Mark:

So many. Again, Hastings is a cartoon

Sarah:

in this episode. He's a great cartoon.

Mark:

So we've talked about this before, and I think I have an understanding of this now. So there are these pools in parks. It's a pond. It's a pond, but it's only ankle deep water. And that is what they run those schooners in.

Sarah:

They're model yachts. Yes. Mhmm.

Mark:

It's not like an actual pond that's deep.

Sarah:

No. It's it's a concrete pond.

Mark:

Yes. Because and I know we've talked about this before. You set your little boat afloat. What if it gets stuck in the middle?

Sarah:

At this time, you had to wait out and get it. Yeah. Nowadays

Mark:

Well, they're all RC now.

Sarah:

According to the model yacht club websites that I read, they have primarily We are such nerds. But they also have, in the very fancy places, little tugboats. They'll send a little tugboat out, and it has a little floating buoy line behind it. And it will circle around your model yacht and lasso it and pull it out of the duckweed and free it. Wow.

Sarah:

And then it releases its little buoy line and tugs away.

Mark:

And people say that my hobbies

Sarah:

were strange. I just wanna know, like, at the end, Hastings has a gigantic one. It looks like it would be too too tall to even go in the water. Like, it's gonna bottom out in the bottom of the pool. I think it's about knee deep, not ankle deep.

Sarah:

It's

Mark:

deeper than that.

Sarah:

Knee deep, anyway.

Mark:

Because the boys are doing it the right way.

Sarah:

Which is why they're all in there with their pants rolled up to their knees.

Mark:

Absolutely. Poirot is sad because he He has

Sarah:

no cases.

Mark:

He has no cases.

Sarah:

How many stories start with Poirot's ennui because there is no case?

Mark:

Yes. And then Jap gives him, like, the worst well, actually, because, like, he suddenly had peace diamonds, and we didn't know what happened. He gave them to a confederate. Yeah. End of story.

Sarah:

Obviously, he passed them off.

Mark:

But It doesn't really take a lot of gray, gray cells to come up with the answer to this problem.

Sarah:

Which is why Poirot is not intrigued. Yes. It it's unexpected, though. It was very quick. Yes.

Sarah:

And so you don't expect that to happen.

Mark:

It speaks of boldness. That's what he says in French.

Sarah:

Yeah. Thank you for translating that because the subtitles didn't.

Mark:

No. They just said foreign language. Without finesse, it speaks of boldness. What if I was a criminal? So this is this is the whole fun part of this episode.

Mark:

What if Poirot was a criminal?

Sarah:

He wouldn't be a very good one, apparently.

Mark:

No. He wouldn't.

Sarah:

Well, let's just let's just admit it. As brilliant as he is, he would want credit. So he would never keep his mouth shut. He'd pull off a big heist, and then he would want credit.

Mark:

So they go back to Poirot's place, and Poirot pretends to read a headline about him as a a master criminal.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

His master criminal name is mister Big. Mister Big reveals everything. I think this is the beginnings of Christy working out the big 4.

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

Because the big 4 is a play on all this master criminal stuff.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

And I think that, like, that she's getting those ideas in her head at this point in time.

Sarah:

So you know how on Star Trek and other shows, there's, like, the flipped universe where good is evil and evil is good? If there was an alternate universe, Poirot and Hastings, where they were bad guys Yes. Mustache. Or a big fluffy mustache. Oh,

Mark:

okay.

Sarah:

A no. No.

Mark:

A goatee with the mustache.

Sarah:

Or a big fluffy mustache. A big A big unrestrained mustache.

Mark:

Like

Sarah:

And Hastings would be brilliant because it's opposite world.

Mark:

Incredibly gay. I see. Girls. Ew.

Sarah:

I kinda want that now. I went opposite Poirot. It's anti Poirot.

Mark:

And they would like, he would be the the blackmailer.

Sarah:

Oh, yeah. They would be the master He

Mark:

would totally wanna do crime that was all about money and not about violence in any way.

Sarah:

Yeah. And his secretary, miss Lime.

Mark:

Yes. I can't see running, like, a pornography ring or or

Sarah:

That's not the opposite of him. Brothel. No. No. That's 2 opposite.

Sarah:

That's that's different. It's not opposite.

Mark:

But Hastings, evil Hastings is definitely running a brothel.

Sarah:

Oh, yeah. For sure. So they go to the hotel to meet with the veiled lady who wouldn't leave her name. That's not new.

Mark:

So that hotel is not actually a hotel. It's Senate House at University of London. This episode is full of gorgeous locations

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

Full of people. Like like, where were we when they had so much money to throw around? Like, in 1990, I didn't have a lot of money. I was like, why couldn't they throw some to me?

Sarah:

Did you have your own 19 thirties wardrobe that you could show up in? No. Well, see, these prop people probably do? Probably did. So So she's wearing a veil that is so much more than a veil.

Mark:

It's it's

Sarah:

She has a scarf wrapped around her face. Like, a veil is like a piece of lace or like a an a netting.

Mark:

And it it hides in some way your face. A veil does?

Sarah:

Yeah. It it they range. Right? Like, if you were in mourning

Mark:

It doesn't hide her face at all.

Sarah:

Okay. But it does. Like, if you were looking at her from a distance, you could not see her face. Maybe. Yeah.

Sarah:

Right? If you're up close, a veil doesn't hide anything.

Mark:

You wouldn't immediately go, oh, it's Frances Barber.

Sarah:

But you would say, that woman's got a scarf wrapped around her face. Yeah. Did you see the lady with the scarf wrapped around her face? Like, it doesn't make her incognito.

Mark:

And it also is like, I need to meet you in a place that's private. So let's go to this incredibly public place, and I'll wear a face mask.

Sarah:

Yeah. What? So I thought veils were out by this time, by the 19 thirties.

Mark:

Mhmm.

Sarah:

Except as, like, a small hat accessory, like, a little bit of netting on the side of your hat. Yeah. But there's this Life Magazine story from 30 7 that talks about how veils are coming back.

Mark:

Oh, okay. Remember, it's written in 24. So

Sarah:

And you were to wear 1 during the day, not like hers. Okay? Yeah. Not like hers. I'm talking about a piece of fairly transparent lacy netting stuff that came off your hat and covered part of your face, not not even your whole face.

Sarah:

It added a sense of allure and coquettishness. Yes. Right? I can see that. Unless you wore it at night.

Sarah:

Oh oh. Wear it at night, and you may as well be madam person because you are a street walker if you wear it at night. Oh. The same hat at night opposite of the

Mark:

I'll be careful not to do that.

Sarah:

Don't even think about it. There's a movie where Bette Davis has a a veil on that goes all the way under her chin. Right? And in it, in the scene where she's wearing it, she talks, smokes, and kisses somebody and never lifts it up. I don't I think you could smoke through it if it was fairly open.

Sarah:

Yeah. But kissing No. Is through a net. Like

Mark:

I say.

Sarah:

You're not gonna French kiss.

Mark:

My word.

Sarah:

Like, you're my fucking my netting.

Sarah:

I got lipstick all over my netting.

Sarah:

It's stuck in my mustache.

Mark:

Well, we know who it is. It's Frances Barber.

Sarah:

No. It's Lady Millicent, Castle Vahn, Lord of Killarney's daughter, engaged to the Duke of South Shore.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

I see. I see. Thank you. You know, Gerdie does a really good job of pretending to be posh.

Mark:

She does a great job of pretending to be posh. But the thing I love is Hastings is supposed to be knowledgeable of society.

Sarah:

Yes.

Mark:

In even in the twenties, he would have seen a picture of this

Sarah:

woman. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe. Right? She's unmarried.

Mark:

Maybe not.

Sarah:

Wealthy. She would have had her season. Yes. But photographs in newspapers weren't all that good either. They were kind of, like, if you took a picture of a group of people, you can't really make out their faces, you know?

Sarah:

So I don't know. It's not like the reaction you get when you see her up close. No. My word. That's what he she takes her veil off, and he says my word.

Mark:

Yes. What a Rotter. So this is Frances Barber who has been in everything and, like, Annette Badlands. I've been following her career since I was a mere child. She's in a movie called the missionary.

Mark:

Have you ever seen the missionary? No. We should watch it. It's, Michael Palin plays a missionary, who realizes quite soon after moving to the missionary that it's full of prostitutes who are eager to please him, and he tries to bring them to the lord.

Sarah:

Isn't that a scene out of the Monty Python's holy grail?

Mark:

I think that is all connected.

Sarah:

Well, she's also in 2 episodes of Midsummer

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

And is Pearl's mom in Whistable Pearl.

Mark:

She was also in Zed in 2 knots, which could be not be more different than these things.

Sarah:

Yes. So she know Lady Millicent says that Lavington has an indiscreet letter she wrote to a boy she loved when she was 16.

Mark:

Who's going up the Orinoco, to which Hastings is like, oh.

Sarah:

Someday, I'll go up the Orinoco and come back with a stinky specimen of reptile and give it to Poirot as a gift. Yep. She says she said some stupid things that could be misinterpreted.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

What do you think she said in her letter?

Mark:

I want you to motorboat my boobies. Do you have a like you take your motorboat and put it up my Orono coke.

Sarah:

Do you have a miniature yacht or a full size yacht?

Mark:

I hope you don't have a tugboat.

Sarah:

I think the implication is that maybe they had had sex, and she as an aristocrat getting married to another aristocrat, she should be a virgin. Yes. And so if you misread it, you know but the thing is is the whole the whole idea of saying, well, we're of special blood. We have to marry other people of special blood to maintain the line is that the child has to be mine if there is 1. Oh.

Sarah:

But she was 16 when she wrote it. If she's still pregnant, like, it's it's long overdue. You know what I mean? Well, and I don't know why it would have mattered that much. If it wound up in the newspaper, that would be different.

Sarah:

But if it just goes to another person

Mark:

It's a weird thing. Like

Sarah:

Like, if you're gonna marry him, surely, you can explain I was stupid. I was 16.

Mark:

You could totally you can totally it wasn't me this.

Sarah:

I didn't write it.

Mark:

I didn't write it. I know the handwriting sort of looks like mine, but it's not mine.

Sarah:

No. That's a stupid bubble writing with all 16 year old girls.

Mark:

I've never seen that before in my entire life. Wasn't me?

Sarah:

Nope. That you just deny it?

Mark:

Yeah. Why would you just not deny it?

Sarah:

Why would you believe this guy?

Mark:

Yeah. There there's not even an envelope in the letter.

Sarah:

He's a black mailer. Yeah. Yeah. How did he get it?

Mark:

I don't know. But he asked he's asking for 20 k, which is a lot of money.

Sarah:

It's half a $1,000,000 now. Yeah. But the boy she sent it to died. Where does how does Lavington get like, does he just go rifling through bodies pockets that die on the Orinoco?

Mark:

I guess. How does he get that letter?

Sarah:

I don't know.

Mark:

Hastings, you are too easily stunned by the girls. He's too easily stunned by the door as he runs through it.

Sarah:

She says

Mark:

By the way, a man has been done to death in Holland. Never mind. We'll get to later.

Sarah:

By a fish fin. Yep. Choked it. He's put the blackmail letter in a Chinese puzzle box. Yes.

Sarah:

Which is very exotic at this point.

Mark:

Extremely exotic.

Sarah:

Though, easy to open with a push of a button. Literally. Literal button.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

I don't know how Hastings doesn't accidentally open it. Just holding it. I think this would smash it with a hammer or just push this button that looks like a button.

Mark:

That's how it pushed me.

Sarah:

Yeah. It lights up. When I I'm really intrigued by the scene. So okay. In my experience in blackmail stories, the blackmailer is usually anonymous.

Sarah:

Yes. Right? It's somebody you don't know who's saying that they're gonna blackmail you unless you leave money in a place for them. It's so brazen that Lavington is like, it's me. I'm blackmailing you.

Sarah:

Come to my home. I don't care. It's me. Oh, Poirot wants to see me? Fine.

Sarah:

I'll go to his office. Yeah. That's so weird. And it's so and it is brazen is the only word I can think of it for it. And this when Hastings and Poirot are waiting for him to show up, it's like they're waiting for a giant snake to show up.

Mark:

You know? Like This is Like a criminal. Is super worried.

Sarah:

Well, she's gonna leave, and they're like, fine. And then and then she's like, oh, but I could stay. Like, what? Is she gonna fight him? Like, what is she gonna do?

Mark:

Well, it's kind of salacious, and she likes that.

Sarah:

But they don't she doesn't need to be around a blazing criminal like this. Brazen criminal, not blazing. He's not on fire. No. That's different.

Sarah:

But it's just so ballsy It is. To say I will come to the home of this world famous detective to negotiate, like, face to face.

Mark:

With with the understanding this isn't actually Lavington doing.

Sarah:

Right.

Mark:

Lavington's smart enough to keep stay completely out of this.

Sarah:

He's dead.

Mark:

Yes. Well, he is dead.

Sarah:

He has nothing to do with this. He's not part of the the real Lavington isn't even part of me.

Mark:

The Earth's Lavington.

Sarah:

I take that back. Lavington does have the letter. He actually had the letter. So he

Mark:

He's a blackmail.

Sarah:

Yeah. He's a bad person. Anyway, it's it's just so unusual that Poirot would be face to face with someone who he knows is a criminal. Yeah. Absolutely knows is a criminal and lets him, like, just leave.

Mark:

He doesn't have JAP there waiting.

Sarah:

Right. But so let let's just pretend everybody is who they say they are. Right? Nelson can't just go to the police. No.

Sarah:

Because even though she knows where he lives and knows what his name is, if she does, then the letter comes out.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Right? So he's got her over a barrel.

Mark:

The only solution to blackmail is to tell the person that you're worried about finding out the information the information.

Sarah:

She would just have to tell the duke. There's That's a stupid letter. Yep. I didn't mean it. I was dumb.

Sarah:

Please ignore it. All the powers the black man was gone. Any class Yeah. He would ignore it. Yep.

Sarah:

I love that Lavington says of Hastings, you have an excitable office boy.

Mark:

Excitable office. Again, linking to my whole

Sarah:

in the alternative universe. He's so arrogant.

Mark:

See, he he's he does a great job of being arrogant. Totally low balls him 5 k.

Sarah:

Yeah. She he says she can't she could barely raise 5 k. Like

Mark:

And then he's like, well, I'm off to Paris.

Sarah:

Wink wink. For 2 days, I will be in Paris and not at my home, which is in the phone book. Wink wink. He has to be really obstinate and really slimy because they know that's how you get Poirot. Yeah.

Sarah:

That's how you motivate him to want to find the letter.

Mark:

Because in all the other things that we've mentioned, why are people involving Poirot Poirot in this? They need Poirot because they can't find the box. Mhmm. And they know he's smart and that they he'll find the box.

Sarah:

If only he'd gone to the house, found the box, got the letter out of the box, put the box back where he found it. Just showed up with the letter.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Oh, I put it back. Wait. You wanna know why should I tell you where it is? Here's the letter. That's what you wanted.

Sarah:

No. When Poirot gets the phone book down well, first of all, Hastings goes chasing after him without saying a word. Just goes.

Mark:

Just takes off.

Sarah:

Gonna jump on the back bumper of the cab? I guess. Hey. Poirot's like, we know

Mark:

needs the

Sarah:

cool people

Mark:

to watch him.

Sarah:

Yes. He could've followed him discreetly. Yes. Poirot gets the phone book out, and he takes it from a stack of 2 books. And the other book is behind him on the filing cabinet when he's looking up the phone number.

Sarah:

And I saw the book and I'm like, what is that blue book?

Mark:

It says Swan Inc on it?

Sarah:

Yes. It says Swan Inc. Like, is that a book of ink? What what's Swan Inc? So, of course, I went down the rabbit hole of looking at 19 thirties phone books in the UK and found that they are covered in ads including even on the spine of the book.

Sarah:

And that is an ad for Swan Inc. Oh. That's what it is. That's why it says that. They're really beautiful on the outside.

Sarah:

That's fantastic. It's not fair.

Mark:

Yeah. This new technology, the telephone book.

Sarah:

Who would think about looking up an address in a phone book? Poirot.

Mark:

Someone with a brain.

Sarah:

It's what it's for.

Mark:

Should I press this button? No. No. No.

Sarah:

You're going to his house. Dun dun dun. While he's in Paris. Dun dun dun. You're gonna burgle it.

Mark:

You're gonna burgle it. So it's almost like Poirot puts his fingers together and it's like, excellent. But it okay. It's obvious. This isn't his entire idea.

Mark:

His entire idea is I am going to pretend to be Chinese by removing my entire costume and just going as David Touche.

Sarah:

No. Oh. Swiss. Swiss. But he also has to scrub the wax out of his mustache.

Mark:

The the interaction between Poirot and the housekeeper

Sarah:

Miss Godbert.

Mark:

Is a highlight of this episode. He's on a bike. He's he's on a bike.

Sarah:

Did you think Poirot could ride a bicycle?

Mark:

Where does he get a bike?

Sarah:

He borrows one from the kid next door.

Mark:

Maybe the cultural has a bike.

Sarah:

I think he probably learned how to ride a bike as a constable when he was young.

Mark:

Make sense.

Sarah:

I think he pulls it off very successfully. I think he looks like a workman, but I don't think there are a lot of other undercover roles that he could pull off. No. This one he manages.

Mark:

He does he does okay. He's got the hat and everything.

Sarah:

And without the wax in his mustache, he's okay.

Mark:

He does have a nice crevatte though still.

Sarah:

Even though

Mark:

he's a workman.

Sarah:

He's not it's a neckerchief.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

When you're that class, it's a neckerchief, not a cravat. It's not silky. He cannot change his accent. No. So So

Mark:

he pretends to be Swiss. You're not Chinese.

Sarah:

He can't do anything where he has no mustache. Like, he's not going in drag. No. Like, you cannot pull that off.

Mark:

No. You can't pull that off.

Sarah:

Hastings could.

Mark:

Hastings.

Sarah:

He probably has nice legs.

Mark:

Yes. He'd be a

Sarah:

handsome woman. Yes. Speaking of modified thoughts. Handsome.

Mark:

Yes. That's that's one thing we haven't talked about. The fact that that the guy who plays Hastings is easily almost 18 inches taller than Poirot. Mhmm.

Sarah:

And so is Jap.

Mark:

And so is Jap. And yet you like, they must put David Suchet on a box constantly.

Sarah:

You just don't notice.

Mark:

Like, in Hollywood now, they're called Scully boxes because Scully had to

Sarah:

In x files? In x files and Anderson.

Mark:

Stand on them all the time because David Otherwise,

Sarah:

it would be

Mark:

her huge.

Sarah:

It'd be her face and his nipples all

Mark:

the time basic.

Sarah:

In every shot. Lavington has a nice house.

Mark:

He does, and that house is still there and still looks incredibly gorgeous. It's 14 Saint George Road in Twicken.

Sarah:

But I don't wanna live there if missus Godber lives there. No. Because she's horrible.

Mark:

She is both horrible and fantastic at the same time.

Sarah:

You're not here to sell onions, are you?

Mark:

What does that even mean? You spend every minute going, what does that even mean?

Sarah:

She thinks he's French. Yes. So he must sell onions

Mark:

I think.

Sarah:

And probably stinky cheese. Door to door. He sells onions and stinky cheese. But you know what? Since they started doing that tennis down the road, they're just riffraff everywhere.

Mark:

They're all wanting directions to cafes.

Sarah:

Like, I just don't think of Wimbledon as being fuller riffraff. I think it, of it as being for very posh people.

Mark:

Well, she mentions Fred Murray here or Fred Perry. Sorry. And he really takes the sport of tennis and makes it popularizes it amongst all sorts of people. Like, we know that tennis started as an incredible like, it was for the era like, for the royalty. Yes.

Mark:

The tennis courts were for royalty. And this is

Sarah:

Like, only only royalty could afford to use a flat piece of land for anything other than agriculture. Let's be honest. Yes. Never mind. Run around on it with a ball.

Mark:

And this is the beginning. He's the beginning starting in 1934 really of the dominance of British tennis, and he came from nothing right he was born in stockport which is like a slum outside of Manchester. It's a total working class neighborhood and

Sarah:

Becomes the tennis icon.

Mark:

World tennis icon at this point in 2 years, 3 years. Okay. In 3 years, 1933 to 1936.

Sarah:

So between the wars, 2.

Mark:

He he wins the following. 1934, he wins Australian Open. 35, he wins the French Open. He wins Wimbledon in 34, 35, and 36. He wins the US Open in 33, 34, and 36.

Mark:

Like, he is the greatest professional tennis player of this time.

Sarah:

He must have spent all the time between those matches just getting to the next one.

Mark:

It it would have taken forever.

Sarah:

You go from England to Australia, it would take you 3 months.

Mark:

Not only that. In 34, 33, and 32, he wins doubles grand slam titles. In 32, 35, 36, and 32, he wins mixed doubles championships.

Sarah:

Well, missus Godbert doesn't have any respect for him.

Mark:

He wins the Gaithers Cup in 33, 34, 35, and 36.

Sarah:

He dominated tennis in the thirties. That's what you're saying.

Mark:

Do you know what he did next? He became an international table tennis superstar. Hush. I kid you not.

Sarah:

Tired of running around so much.

Mark:

Apparently, he did, but he dominated the table tennis.

Sarah:

It's like onto a new sport. And then after table tennis, bowling.

Mark:

It just like.

Sarah:

And now he's a master of that little paddle with the ball and the elastic. He just shrinks his sport one one game at a time.

Mark:

He's certainly like, he was one of the very first British, I came from nothing. Now I'm in a huge international superstar in this sport that was originally for air stockers.

Sarah:

It's awesome. Yeah. It must have been so inspiring to so many people.

Mark:

Yeah. Absolutely.

Sarah:

You know what's not inspiring is the way Poirot and Hastings tried to, quote, sneak up to a house.

Mark:

So you have no idea what they're doing. Let's I have in my notes the burglars burgle.

Sarah:

Let's drive our car up. Yeah. Park it 2 houses down. Two houses. And then run across the street under 2 street lights and in through the front gate.

Sarah:

No one will see us. It's Because we're bent over a little bit. That makes you invisible. Did you know that? Yeah.

Sarah:

If you just bend over a little bit.

Mark:

And the cop is right there.

Sarah:

Every 17 minutes, Poirot has cased the joint.

Mark:

We're looking for a box. So I felt that this scene was a little extended of them searching the house.

Sarah:

I love when Hastings searches the toilet cistern.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

But it should have been Poirot. Hastings should have been lifting him up so he could reach up there and see.

Mark:

I'm glad he brings his to to burgle the the house.

Sarah:

He needs glasses. He has to see. Yes. He needs his glasses.

Mark:

So the housekeeper is always been there.

Sarah:

She knew

Mark:

she lied. Lied to the his

Sarah:

eyes. He's got sneaky eyes. She knew that he wasn't telling the truth, but she let him get him on get on with everything and saw things and do whatever he wanted to.

Mark:

So Poirot pretended to do the work Mhmm. With the weird noises.

Sarah:

Yes.

Mark:

They have their whole day of weirdness. Yeah. Poirot goes home, fixes his mustache, because when he goes to Bergl again

Sarah:

He must have felt naked

Mark:

all day. Mustache is fixed. Picks up his Pearson ads, gets Kool Aid Hastings. Oh, you. And then

Sarah:

I watched this whole episode just waiting for the scene when Hastings jumps through the windows.

Mark:

Then he goes back to the house. The housekeeper goes outside, gets the cop immediately. Yeah.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

It like, so if we are to believe that Lavington is a a blackmailer

Sarah:

Mhmm.

Mark:

She is totally aware of what he does because why would you have someone in your payroll that wasn't?

Sarah:

Well, I think she pretends to not know and to be uninvolved and unaware.

Mark:

And she pretends all that.

Sarah:

And I'm sure he doesn't loop her in on things. But if the man you work for is shady, but you need the job, you know it.

Mark:

Shady too. Yeah. But she has no problem going to get the cops. She she is completely satisfied in knowing that these guys should not be here. Yeah.

Mark:

Meanwhile, they searched the entire house, which would take hours. Hours. The the woodpile would take a half hour.

Sarah:

At least. Never mind that it's not just stuck in a log. It's like in a log that is custom fit back together again.

Mark:

On the bottom of the pile.

Sarah:

Lavington must have had incredible woodworking skills to split that log invisibly and then whittle out a space just the right size for the box, put it back together again. When I was watching this, I was absolutely sure they were gonna find that box on a mantle.

Mark:

Why I know why

Sarah:

you said that. Before, and I thought that's where they found it.

Mark:

No. I've been particularly careful not to call him a master blackmailer because that is the name of the Sherlock Holmes Jeremy Brett episode, which is essentially this story, which is an Arthur Conan Doyle story called the adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton. So the master blackmailer episode in which Sherlock Holmes is approached by a woman who has a letter stolen from her that has indelicate phrases in it and is being blackmailed by a man who owns a house. I think it may even be in in Wimbledon? Wimbledon.

Mark:

So Sherlock Holmes pretends to be a workman, goes to the house to case the joint

Sarah:

Wow.

Mark:

Then breaks in later on.

Sarah:

It's the same story.

Mark:

It's the same story. The ending is slightly different.

Sarah:

Is the is in that version, is the letter on the mantle?

Mark:

Yes. Because Poirot's, Poirot. Sherlock Holmes, somehow the house gets on fire and Sherlock Holmes watches where the man's eyes go.

Sarah:

Oh, because he wants to save it.

Mark:

He wants to save the letter, and that's how he finds out where the letter is.

Sarah:

Ah, gosh.

Mark:

It's But it's the same story.

Sarah:

No wonder I thought that.

Mark:

I I found a couple of Agatha Christie forums that were like, same story. But it doesn't have

Sarah:

Hastings. Hastings. Burst doesn't jump out a window in that one and say, oh, yes.

Mark:

It's so fantastic when the look of Poirot was like, oh.

Sarah:

Because Poirot is like, I can explain. It's I'm gonna talk myself out of this.

Mark:

It's I'm a famous person.

Sarah:

Once you know what's going on. Meanwhile, Hastings is like, run for your life. And jumps out the window. I'm Swiss Chinese. I don't think Lavington's gonna press any charges.

Sarah:

No. He's dead. If he hadn't though, he wouldn't have been able to go and see Jap and say Poirot's been arrested. You

Mark:

need to get

Sarah:

him out.

Mark:

Goes to Jap and says Poirot's been arrested.

Sarah:

Meanwhile

Mark:

And Jap spends the next 12 hours enjoying his life.

Sarah:

Rubbing his hands together.

Mark:

Because first, he goes well, first, the constable's going through

Sarah:

Looking at who's in the cells.

Mark:

In the cells, and we have a mom, mom, I got a part.

Sarah:

Oh, we got a couple.

Mark:

Yeah. We got a couple, but one is the lady of the evening.

Sarah:

Yes. She's fantastic.

Mark:

She is. Mom, mom, I got a part.

Sarah:

But I I love that they have Jap, like, stand outside the police station looking like king of the universe. Yeah. It's like just stops to pause for a second. Like, I should savor this.

Mark:

Enjoying it.

Sarah:

I love my life.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

On with my day.

Mark:

He's a vicious looking character. They've been wanting to get our hands on him.

Sarah:

He's mad dog. They call him mad dog. The crazy Belgian.

Mark:

So that's that would be the name of the alternative universe

Sarah:

Mad dog.

Mark:

Mad dog.

Sarah:

Monsieur mad dog. What would That's. I was just about to say, would that would it be in French? Or something?

Mark:

Maybe. It would because mad means crazy there. Like,

Sarah:

Somebody will tell us

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

What mad dog would be in French. They go through his stuff.

Mark:

It's like so, like, David Suchet does such a good job acting in this entire episode.

Sarah:

Yes. He's just sitting there on that hard bench that they call a bed in the cells.

Mark:

Oh, Hastings, you're so well rested.

Sarah:

But they return his things to him Yes. Including a mustache comb. Yes. And the constable says, well, you didn't mention he was one of your unnaturals.

Mark:

One of your unnaturals.

Sarah:

The sweater that Poirot is wearing is beautiful. Yes. As a knitter, I can tell you that is a hand knit sweater. There is no question. That black sweater with the buttons on the front.

Sarah:

Yep. It's so beautiful. I want that sweater.

Mark:

And Chap gives him the essential piece of information that Lamington's been murdered.

Sarah:

Lavington. Yes. And Hastings has spent the entire night, oh, woe is me, trying to open the box.

Mark:

Poirot just comes in and opens.

Sarah:

What a dumbass.

Mark:

It might as well be like a, Rubik's cube Yeah. And Poirot

Sarah:

does it. That would be harder. 2 seconds. A lot harder. Yeah.

Sarah:

And but Poirot gets the letter out and starts reading it. And Hastings is like, you're going to read it?

Mark:

Of course he's gonna read it.

Sarah:

1st burglary and now this. Like, you like, you just jumped out the window, dude. Like, who's really breaking the entering

Mark:

here? And, again, Poirot has to explain things to Hastings like he hasn't seen the first part of the episode.

Sarah:

Because he's so dumb.

Mark:

And that long walking shot

Sarah:

in the museum. Because okay. So Lavington is dead. He he died in Holland. And Hastings is like, I say, but he was just here.

Sarah:

How did he get here so quickly? Wait a minute. And dead. It must have been someone else. And Poirot's like, excellent thinking, Hastings.

Sarah:

You're really smart. Did you see the crowd of kids in

Mark:

the in

Sarah:

the museum?

Mark:

Show up twice. Yes.

Sarah:

Those are not real kids. No. Because I don't care if they're actors or what. They all walk with their hands behind their backs.

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

Which is what Poirot is doing too, which is funny.

Mark:

But they go up the stairs when Poirot and Hastings go up the stairs, but then they're going up the stairs again when Japs trying to run past.

Sarah:

So they're just they're doing laps. Yeah. They're doing laps, apparently. But they're so well behaved.

Mark:

So this is the Natural History Museum in South Kensington. I don't think I've been to this one, but that giant sort of brontosaurus, like,

Sarah:

It's way anachronous. It's not there for another 50 years in reality.

Mark:

Yeah. It's not there. And they have a large whale there now.

Sarah:

Millicent wants to meet them there because, you know, public place and everything.

Mark:

Yep.

Sarah:

How does she tell them where to meet her?

Mark:

Maybe she calls them?

Sarah:

No. I mean, like, where in the museum she'll be waiting? I don't know. Like, she's next to a platypus. But okay.

Sarah:

Poirot, meet me next to the platypus.

Mark:

So they know at this point that she's corrupt.

Sarah:

Poirot does.

Mark:

But Jap knows too because he's there. Yeah. Why wouldn't Jap, like, talk to the museum and say, hey. We got a sting going on here. I'm gonna set some of my men by the doors, and this is what's going on because Tweedledum and Tweedledee have no idea

Sarah:

what's going on. Museum guards.

Mark:

I know, but wouldn't he tell them?

Sarah:

And maybe they didn't get the memo.

Mark:

Gas.

Sarah:

Because they try to restrain Jeff. I love the I need to have that box, but let me keep it. Oh, I'll give you something else. Let me have it. No.

Sarah:

I want it. Like, they're practically, like, playing tug of war over the box.

Mark:

Oh, no. Me.

Sarah:

Me. Me. Me.

Mark:

Because reveals that the jewels are in the box. And we find out that she's not a lady. She's a Gertie. She's Gertie. From the

Sarah:

tomfoolery gang. The best tomfoolery gang in the country. Do you know why it's called tomfoolery?

Mark:

Because it's jewelry.

Sarah:

Yeah. Isn't that obvious? Yes. Cottony rhyming slang. Yes.

Sarah:

Tomfoolery. Jewelry. Jewelry. Duh. Which is why you call the jewels Tom for short.

Sarah:

Yes. He's got all the Tom.

Mark:

Got all the Tom.

Sarah:

I love cockney rhyming sound.

Mark:

I know.

Sarah:

I don't know how anybody ever communicates

Mark:

It's ever. It's insane. You have to explain it three ways. Like, okay. So there are a number of British musicians who call headphones in the studio dangerous dance.

Sarah:

Cans.

Mark:

They're cans, so they're dangerous dance.

Sarah:

But can is already slang for headphones.

Mark:

It's not as well known as you think it is.

Sarah:

Right.

Mark:

But, like But if everything has to be explained twice.

Sarah:

Okay. If you wanna change the way your hair looks, you need a syrup.

Mark:

Which is?

Sarah:

A wig. Which is? Syrup of figs.

Mark:

Oh, okay. It's like dinosaur being 2 by 4 being building material.

Sarah:

Yes. So we call it plank. Yes. Because, you know, plank. The museum

Mark:

dinosaur. The museum was full of planks.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Mark:

Oh, planks? No. 2 by fours. No. What?

Mark:

Dinosaurs. It's fun. I love that.

Sarah:

But it's so inefficient.

Mark:

It is.

Sarah:

So use your loaf. Hastings. You should use your loaf.

Mark:

I don't know.

Sarah:

Loaf of bread. Head. Okay. Use your brain. Use your loaf.

Sarah:

It's okay. I know we've talked about cogni rhyming slang before, but I found a few this time that I had never heard before. Yeah. After the tomfoolery thing, I went to look it up because I was pretty sure that's why they was called foolery.

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

The cat that gives them away, do you know what you would call that in rhyming slang? No idea. A postman.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

Because postman pat cat. Or you might call it a ball because ball of fat cat. They leave the word out that actually rhymes with the word. Okay. So, these on my chest that I have to wear a bra for, they're a pair of bristols.

Sarah:

Why would you call a breast a Bristol?

Mark:

Bristol. Pistol. I don't know.

Sarah:

Bristol City.

Mark:

Like, there are no other cities?

Sarah:

I could call you Treacle because I love you. Treacle tart. Sweetheart. Sweet. You're my sweetheart, so I'll call you Treacle.

Mark:

You're right.

Sarah:

Maybe that's what she had in her letter.

Mark:

Maybe.

Sarah:

She said, hey, Treacle. Wanna see my bristles? And now she's gotta get that letter back. Now I got one more for you. This is my favorite one.

Mark:

Okay. Okay.

Sarah:

What do you think a knacker is?

Mark:

No idea.

Sarah:

And what do you think is slang for? Like a hat? No. So a knacker is a testicle.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

Because Jacob's cream crackers wait a minute. I'm sorry. Okay.

Mark:

Let me go back. Woah.

Sarah:

They call him Jacobs.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

Right. You got a pair of Jacobs. Okay. Because that's short for Jacob's cream crackers, which rhymes with knackers, which is slang for desktops.

Mark:

That's 5 layers deep.

Sarah:

I just gave myself a headache. Yeah. My loaf hurts now.

Mark:

Off we go

Sarah:

Yeah. To the

Mark:

evolution of mammals.

Sarah:

Well, so Millicent is like, oh, but I must have the box, sir. Please give me the box. And then Japs, like, hey, Gertie. And she's like,

Sarah:

ah, it's the copper. She got me.

Sarah:

Like, flip the switch. Yeah. She turns around. Her face has changed. Everything.

Sarah:

Yeah. Like, as a as a criminal, how much has she invested just in her clothes for this Rouge? Yes. Like, the suit she has on when she has on the veil has this beautiful rhinestone clasp, but the waist, I mean, it's it's and the scarf itself, it must have been very expensive, that veil.

Mark:

In the short story, Poirot notices her shoes and says they're not up to snuff.

Sarah:

So she's been careful about her outfit, but not her shoes.

Mark:

Not her shoes.

Sarah:

She's given herself away.

Mark:

Yes. That orangutan is really bad.

Sarah:

The zebra is really bad too. Yeah. The small zebra. Yeah. And why is there a cat in the museum?

Sarah:

I why Mice, maybe?

Mark:

There's a note I have, which is why is there a cat

Sarah:

in Why is there a postman in the museum climbing around on the exhibits? Because it's a cat.

Mark:

Mom, mom, I got a It would only bagged in. No. No. I'm Tidmarsh. Why did they have names?

Sarah:

And why does Jap know them all of a sudden? Yeah. It would only have been worse if the cat goes under the the sheet and they sneeze. Yes. Because they're allergic to cats.

Sarah:

Yeah. You know, like, it has to walk right by their face or something.

Mark:

But they try to run. I don't know why they tried to. Where do they think they're gonna go?

Sarah:

Why do they always run? I don't know. They always try to run, but they don't get away. No. They get caught, and they get arrested.

Mark:

Then we have another band Yeah. That is in, like, 8 seconds of this episode.

Sarah:

Yeah. Playing in the park.

Mark:

And it's not like, oh, well, the band was already there. No.

Sarah:

But, you know, this is an opportunity for a community band to play in an episode of Poirot. Yep. And I'm sure they were super excited to be in that 8 second

Mark:

scene. They were.

Sarah:

It's great. And they're good. Playing for the 12 people who've, I think, bring their own chairs.

Mark:

Poor Jap. I used to dream about the sea.

Sarah:

What? That's the last line of the episode. What?

Mark:

What what do you mean?

Sarah:

Here's what I wanna know. How does Hastings get that giant boat to the park? He carries it. They didn't take a cab.

Mark:

Well, I know. I think it's implied that it's the park across the street from Whitehaven Managers.

Sarah:

It must be. Yeah. Because you're not getting that thing. He says, I feel silly with a small one.

Mark:

What's that even mean?

Sarah:

It's taller than he is.

Mark:

Oh, I know.

Sarah:

It's like a 7 foot tall boat.

Mark:

Yeah. He is totally a cartoon in the

Sarah:

He's gonna have to roll up his pants and go get it.

Mark:

Yes. He is.

Sarah:

And I think that's what Poirot and Jap are waiting to see. Sure. Hastings put it in the water. Mhmm. Yep.

Sarah:

Let's let's see how it goes. Wow. She's. You know that? Yeah.

Sarah:

That term for a yacht being beautiful?

Mark:

Yes.

Sarah:

She's.

Mark:

She's.

Sarah:

I know that from the Philadelphia story with Katharine Hepburn. Awesome movie if you've never seen it. Where's she gonna keep that boat?

Mark:

Where does Hastings live? We never go to Hastings house.

Sarah:

He lives in the basement.

Mark:

He obviously lives somewhere else. But where? Because he stays with Poirot at one point.

Sarah:

Yeah. And and it's notable that he does. He doesn't live there.

Mark:

Yeah.

Sarah:

And that

Mark:

Is the veiled lady.

Sarah:

The veiled lady.

Mark:

We don't need to do best corpse because

Sarah:

Nobody died.

Mark:

Well, Lavington died.

Sarah:

But we didn't I I guess he gets best corpse by default

Mark:

I wherever

Sarah:

he is, however he dies.

Mark:

Credits is kinda solved. Yeah. Poor Jap thinks wistfully of the sea.

Sarah:

Yes. I don't know why Poirot says that he doesn't think about the ocean because then he goes on the Nile Yeah.

Mark:

And he goes He's been on the Nile all around.

Sarah:

Like, he's been on the ocean.

Mark:

That's all in series 1.

Sarah:

Yeah. Like, he's been on I mean, I guess he never thought about being a sailor, if that's what Jap means. That's another alternate universe. Poirot the fisherman.

Mark:

The old Belgian in the sea. Yeah.

Sarah:

You see him in the in the yellow raincoat and hat Yep. Standing on the stern of his ship.

Mark:

Okay.

Sarah:

Dar she blows. How do you say that with a Belgian accent? Oh, yeah.

Mark:

So this episode comes out the 24th June. The next day is my birthday. And then our next episode is The Lost Mine.

Sarah:

Happy birthday

Mark:

Thank you. To you. Thank you. Which will be out 1st July, Canada Day.

Sarah:

Oh, Canada.

Mark:

Yes. This

Sarah:

is me just doing my singing parts here.

Mark:

By my birthday, we'll know who the Stanley Cup candidate champion is.

Sarah:

Hey.

Mark:

Because boy. Okay.

Sarah:

Go Oilers.

Mark:

I hate to say this to you, you all, but I will make a plea. If you watch 1 hockey game in your entire life

Sarah:

This is the one to watch.

Mark:

Watch Monday night's hockey game.

Sarah:

The Stanley Cup is the best out of 7 games, and the 1 team won the Panthers won the first three games,

Mark:

and then the Oilers won thought they were in in in, like, Flynn.

Sarah:

Yeah. And then the Oilers won the next 3 games. Like, it's it's gonna be crazy.

Mark:

Down to 1 game, and there is a points record on the line.

Sarah:

Okay. Normal people don't care about that. They care about it's 3 to 3 and a best out of 7. Yep. Wow.

Mark:

Yep. The the Florida Panthers have completely fallen apart. So

Sarah:

Go Oilers.

Mark:

Go Oilers.

Sarah:

Yes.

Mark:

I can't

Sarah:

believe it was right. A Zamboni down the street in Edmonton.

Mark:

Oilers fans are crazy. That will be our next episode of The Lost Mine, which will be on season 2, episode 3, July 1st.

Sarah:

Yep. Yep. Until then

Mark:

Bye, maniacs.

Sarah:

Bye, maniacs. I'd feel silly with a small one. How big of a tugboat would he need? Pretty big.

Mark:

Thanks for joining us on the Mystery Maniacs podcast. If you enjoyed our crazy podcast today, don't miss out on future episodes. Follow us on social media for updates, beyond the scenes content, and exclusive sneak peeps. Subscribe, like, and share to spread the word. Bye, maniacs.

Sarah:

Do you wanna say that again since I had the big cough?

Mark:

Yes.