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Every culture (family) has distinctive motivations for doing things, but they all have definite pattern and logic, they all provide order and direction within the culture (family). We need a valid cognitive styles model to help us understand the motives and actions of other people, to predict behavior, and sidestep conflict.
So we took her back. That very day now this was when we were working in in Ethiopia. That very day, we were only on that campus 2 days, and that's the only time we've been on that campus in, you know, 30 years, 40 years, 30 years at that time, I guess. Anyway, one of our colleagues who is now working there at the center said, oh, I'm so glad to see you. You work in Ethiopia, don't you?
Connie Smith:We just received 2 new testaments from there, and we don't know anything about them. Could you come and see if you can shed some light? And they were the they were the 2 new testaments. Well, they were the new testaments, but they were working on the Bible. But they had printed out the new testament in the Hadea and the Kambata, the two languages that we were working on.
Connie Smith:The team had finished them. That's great. Arisa got to see that god took care of his project, and god took care of her. So that's just my word on that. So I think it's time for you to take it back, Mike, because I could go on and on about all that.
Mike Banker:Okay. Alright. Can somebody pray for Cindy and Scott? Yeah.
Michelle:I pray, but I I'm happy to pray again with no one else. No. I'll pray. Father, I would thank you, for Connie's testimony and words of encouragement. And we know that you are able.
Michelle:If you just want Scott to heal at this to be healed at this moment, you could you could do totally, you could do it. You are capable. You are the best doctor. So we just, bring Scott to you, ask that you will have your, healing power on him, this function, the the kidney function. We don't know what is causing it, but you know it.
Michelle:You are the maker of his life, and you can, you know every part of his body. And we ask that you will help doctors to find out after the therapy and then to find out what caused it and can, find the best treatment solution. Or if you see us, use your word. You say it, heal, be healed, and it will be healed. So we look to you for, healing Scott, and we also ask that you will give, Cindy peace and discernment and how to make decision in this time of her life with ministry need of ministry and the family.
Michelle:And as Connie encouraged her not to choose, but you can take care. You will make it clear if you ask her to leave, to go to the field to visit workers. You will take care of Scott. You can heal Scott. And if you want Cindy to stay, you also make it clear so she will feel total at peace and not feel guilty of not doing, field visit.
Michelle:We just commit them to you and just trust that you care you'll care for them, your love for them. You love them more than anyone else, and you have the power. You have the capacity, to carry this family through in your way. Yeah. And pray for, I guess, Cindy is hoping to see Matthew.
Michelle:And if this doesn't happen, we also commit Matthew into your hand and that you will watch over him and provide the body of Christ, in where he is to come alongside him. Yeah. We commit this in your hand. Jesus' name. Amen.
Mike Banker:Amen. Thank you. Thanks, Michelle. Thank you.
Cindy:Yeah. Thanks, Michelle.
Mike Banker:Yeah. Yeah.
Cindy:Actually, Connie, just even your story.
Connie Smith:So
Cindy:I was just thinking, boy, can, Mongolians use this story in terms of making the decision because the whole thing is so always they put work first before family. And so that's why there's burnout. And so, I mean, just you're sharing this. I mean, I think it was a very wise response that, Richard had, that god, doesn't put family first or work first. No.
Cindy:He didn't put either of them first. So the key the key is and god is not asking me to choose 1 or the other, but to come before him and ask what should I do. And that then your advice was, my responsibilities lay between God first and my family and over the ministry. So I need to but God, in relationship to the ministry. So I have to ask God first.
Cindy:And so that was, that was actually not only helpful for me, but helpful in the future when I do speak to the Mongolian, Mongolians or any pastors, that that was a really excellent piece of response and your advice and and also to great testimony of what God did in when you decided to go or when you thought God decided for you guys to go back. That, the the team carried on the project and that the bibles were printed. So
Michelle:it's, very helpful.
Mike Banker:And there's a
Connie Smith:confirmation over Teresa's concern for the translation
Mike Banker:Mhmm.
Connie Smith:For this to happen the day that she was on campus and we were on campus. Mhmm.
Michelle:It has to be thought. It's just the timing.
Cindy:And by the way,
Connie Smith:that that team that that, that we trained, completed the entire bible in both languages. And one of those groups reaches over half a 1000000 people, and the other one was over a 1000000 people. Wow. And this team, national translators translating into their own language, They were the team that Richard and I trained, and that's why we went there. We didn't know that, but that's why we went there without without us completed the work.
Connie Smith:So, anyway, god a promise that god gave me as we bounced down the little airstrip that last time didn't know it was gonna be the last time, for sure. But as we bounced down the little airstrip that last time, he said to me, god loves these people, and God loves you talking to me. And I will not bring harm to either of you.
Stone:That's beautiful.
Connie Smith:K? So even though we never saw those people again and heard very, very, very little about them, We I've always had that that peace that God is still at work even if we aren't there.
Michelle:Amen.
Connie Smith:Okay. Alright.
Mike Banker:So so, Connie, just to add to that, Paul makes it very clear that we're not supposed to choose between our ministry and our family. He says, I wish you were single so that you didn't have to make this kind of decision, but he makes it very clear that they have to split their time, that they're not free to abandon their family for their work. And so even even in scripture, I think it's very clear also that that's not God asking us to make that that kind of decision.
Connie Smith:Richard has often spoken of those, men who have chosen ministry over family. He's referred to those to the family as the gospel widows and orphans.
Michelle:Yeah. That's that's just 2 days ago, for Mike and Cindy and Carmen. You know, Eric and Alan Peters. They were here, visiting us because we are, my in laws are with us. So we are taking care of them, and it was just, such a beautiful testimony because Eric stepped away from international director role to take care of his parents back in the States.
Michelle:So when they came and visit my in laws, this, you it's such a encouragement that, yeah, it's it's a good example for us. And we we are just greatly encouraged to and then to see them and then how now we are, taking care of our parents' own kind of on the field. But, for them to to assure us that this is a very important part of ministry too, especially my in laws and non believers. Yeah. So we, just having, yeah, great opportunity to love on them and to serve them.
Cindy:No. I think that is a a great testimony and, you know, there's this one couple who, they're dying to go to to Zambia, but his mother has, cancer. And they're not his parents are not believers, and he's the only child. And so I I was saying that, you know, you're going to minister to Chinese people. You're going to visit, minister to African people who family is pretty important.
Cindy:And so, you send a message when you just say that I you know, you keep saying, oh, I don't wanna miss out on anything. But, you know, it's sometimes it's really hard, you know, when you have a strong desire to do one thing. Sometimes it's really hard to hear God's voice because you will interpret interpret things within that lens, within that leaning of and so, really, it is really hard to suspend your you know, it's really to to to ask God to give you the heart to be able to hear correctly. That's not an easy thing to do when you really feel that you wanna go or you don't wanna go or you for anything. Because I found people the way they they go, oh, I have a piece about it.
Cindy:And it's like, I don't know. I mean, I just everybody around me, I'm looking at this one situation, this one person. We don't we don't see it that way, but you say you have a piece. You have a piece because it is leaning toward what you wanna do, not necessarily she goes, well, I have a peace from God, and and we're we're not the pastor's not. I'm not who's close to her, and other people are not.
Cindy:We not none of us have come to her conclusion that she should leave. So, anyway, it's really it's a really tricky thing when yourself is so involved in it. So that was really that was really interesting because Richard had so he was so torn that God intervened and the organization
Connie Smith:Mhmm.
Cindy:Made the decision because he couldn't make the decision. So sometimes, you know but you know what? The interesting thing is is that even though the organization can make a decision
Connie Smith:people are not God. Yeah. There's always those who are going to second guess. I've asked for prayer. Okay?
Connie Smith:And I've gotten back pages and pages of text on what they think I should do. I didn't I mean, I appreciate it. Appreciate all the advice I can get. But none of it answers the real issue because they don't, number 1, don't know all the facts. Neither do I.
Connie Smith:I'm just trying to walk in that peace. But let just one more word, and then I will really try to be quiet. There's been times in my life, and this weekend ended up being one of those times, when I simply did not know. And god wouldn't seem to be telling me. He's not giving me the peace here and the not peace there.
Connie Smith:You know, I don't know what to do. I know what I don't want to do. So I finally had to pray, god, am I being stubborn because I keep looking to you for a way to not do this? Am I looking for my peace that it's okay if I don't do this? And I get, no.
Connie Smith:I said, is it my stubbornness of not wanting to do this? And so I I had peace about that confession and giving it up. But this is this is my, my my real point in this particular story. There have been decisions in my life that I have not been in a place to make the decision. I could not hear I don't even know if he was speaking, but I didn't hear from him one way or another.
Connie Smith:It wasn't a matter of having peace at this point or not peace. Either way, it wasn't letting me give me much peace. And so this is what I prayed, and this is what I prayed in this big one yesterday. I said, the evidence out there, though this is not what I want to do, the evidence seems to be that this is the way to do this, to go and take care of this, to go this way, to accept this and go just go do it. And so I said, I do not hear what it is you're trying to tell me.
Connie Smith:So I'm assuming that you are letting me make up my mind. So I'm going to choose this thing that seems the most logical even though it's the one thing I do not want to be involved in. But I'm going to make that decision to do that. If this is a decision that is not best for me and you, then I ask that you somehow put a stop to it. But if it's doesn't really matter and go do this thing and kinda get it over with, that you will just make things go.
Connie Smith:Well, he did not put a stop to it. I kept waiting. He did not put a stop to it. But I tell you, I've been asking people to pray for all these distractions, and this thing took all afternoon and into the evening yesterday. I had not a minute's peace about it.
Connie Smith:In the middle of all of this, I lost a $1,000, and I could not find it anywhere. Oh, no. I knew I had it. I knew it was in my purse when I left the house, and I could not find it. And I was so distraught.
Connie Smith:And, I mean, it it's just as if there were, that the evil one is pounding on me to get me to be all upset. Well, I was. What do you want on that one? Man, I was so upset. I mean, who's got a $1,000 they can just lose?
Connie Smith:Anyway, I did not feel led I really didn't feel led to, to contact a bunch of people to pray about this. I prayed about it, but god put it on my heart to ask, a young man who's 18, who's not really sure about this god stuff. But in the course of time, I become his grammy grandma Connie. And so I called him, and I asked him if he would pray to god that I would find this money. So I got to the place, so I borrowed a $1,000 just to go finish this transaction and get it off of the wall.
Connie Smith:So I borrowed this $1,000, and I went back to the to the place where I was trying to do this on the machine. And this is at a convenience store. It's been probably a good hour and a half since I left this store in because I didn't have that $1,000. You now know what a convenience store is and how many people come and go and come and go and come and go and come and go. Yeah.
Connie Smith:I went to the to the machine, and I started to hit start, and I have the glance up. And there on a stack of boxes of cases of liquor beer, it probably was, beer, on the top of there was my $1,000.
Stone:Wow.
Michelle:That's amazing. That's amazing.
Cindy:That's amazing. In a convenient store, but you decided to have taken it. Oh my gosh. But it
Connie Smith:shows the state of mind I was in. Yeah. That I had left $1,000 sitting on top of
Mike Banker:case of beer,
Connie Smith:next to next to the refrigerated area where all this where people were coming in for. So I immediately well, I finished the transaction. Gabe praised. And it all went smoothly blah blah blah blah. So on my way home, I tried to call this young man, and I didn't he he didn't answer.
Connie Smith:I assumed that he was so zonked from he's trying to finish school and work full time work as much hours as he can to help his mother who's dying and cancer. And, anyway, it's another story. So I called his mother, and I said, I want you to pass this message on to him. I want you to tell him that God answered his prayer, and I found the money. And she said, I surely will.
Connie Smith:I will deliver your message. I will tell him that that his prayers helped Connie. And I said, no. That is not my message. That is not my message.
Connie Smith:My message is that God answered his prayer, and the money was found. This is not about grandma Connie. This about is about God answering his prayer. Anyway, I got to give him a $1,000 I borrowed back. Transaction was complete.
Mike Banker:And
Michelle:How could we go on without hearing this story if you didn't tell. This is just a amazing story.
Cindy:That's an amazing story.
Michelle:Yeah.
Connie Smith:And it's amazing story because it's something I did not want to get involved in this business transaction, but because Pam, the other one another woman with mental health issues, And that's why I'm gonna be gone on Wednesday. But, anyway, because that's a business she's got herself involved in, and it's been cleared by the authorities that have investigated. But I see nothing good, interesting, or anything about it. I don't want any part of that business. And here I guess I'm having to get it wrong.
Connie Smith:Anyway so that's one of the many distractions. I'm almost ready to ask people to stop praying that there be no distractions because there have been more distractions since people I've been praying for. They're not to be than there was before.
Cindy:So I have found that.
Connie Smith:God has purposed in all of this, and I have spent most of my morning up until now. I've spent most of my morning just trying to give him each each one of these distractions to hold on to until I can meet them 1 by 1. And right now, I have no distractions because I've given them to him to hold on to, not just to make go away because the focus right now is right here.
Michelle:Thank you, Connie.
Mike Banker:Yeah. Thank you. Okay. Connie, you ready to switch gears?
Connie Smith:I am ready.
Mike Banker:Okay. Well, we've delighted in your story, by the way. It was it's very useful to us. Very it's a blessing to us.
Connie Smith:Well, I god must have gifted me with storytelling. Now if he can just if I can continue to let him be in control of it. We have talked about, this time and event. And time and event are people that are aware of of the time and the the urgency driven by time. And then the, other side is the event people who are more than with just their mind, their their emotions need to be touched.
Connie Smith:I have a a a really I I've been trying to find a sum up example. Oh, that's wrong one. Gone too far. And here is an excellent example. When we were in, working into North Africa, we didn't belong to anyone, so all the other groups took us in.
Connie Smith:God's done that for us several places. But so, there was this, one group organization that was there that, we were invited to to, present I don't know remember now if it was this or or PR or what it was then. But, anyway, we were invited to present a session, present a a teaching. But the speaker the speaker was a man from a very well known, very conservative Bible school. He himself has written books that you would know, the name of, and so on and so forth.
Connie Smith:Oh, it was this this because he was, Richard was was teaching the basic motivations. So this speaker, set in on all of this. And after the time event 1, this was his his say He said, I have worked all my Christian life, I have really been very faithful in having my time set apart with God. He said, every morning, before I start my day, I have my time with God. But he said, I've always been really dissatisfied with the whole thing.
Connie Smith:But he said, what I learned here today is that I have been putting in the time. My my the atmosphere in it is at my desk. He said, you know what I'm gonna do when I go home? He said, I realized that what I've been missing is because I am more event. He says, I live by a beach, so I am going to go and have my quiet time walking the beach, hearing the sounds of nature, singing out loud to God if that's what I feel like, because I understand now why I have always been dissatisfied.
Connie Smith:As I was sitting there getting all this head knowledge and all of this stuff about God, But it's out of my eventness is where I really relate with God. Okay? So then we have, we've talked about dividing, how we how we died divide up the world or don't divide it in order to understand understand the world. And we have the dichotomist who basically, in in the extreme, has 2. It's either black or dry.
Connie Smith:It's right or it's wrong, Or it's good or it's bad. There's very little gray. Any new information has to be taken in by given time to either expand the category, to put it in, or to build a new category. Versus the holist who, has all this all this big picture, all of this vision, but can't quite make it come to pass because they can't get a hold of a piece to focus on. And I have a another good story on that.
Connie Smith:This is a a founder, of a, a a missionary center sending out of in the educational at the educational level. So missionary education and all of this. In fact, it's it's what he started out with was where I got my, my MA from. But this man was an absolute visionary. He, but he was a terrible leader.
Connie Smith:And the followers under him, were struggling to carry out this vision, say, vision number 1. They were trying to get a hold of the pieces that are in his head that they can work on to help make this vision come to pass. But before they can get going on it very well, he comes up with vision 2 and vision 3 and vision 4 and who knows how many other visions that are now the most important. Eventually, eventually, that whole thing closed, and I can't help but wonder if it was not because this man with this great vision a truly man of god. I'm that's not my point in this at all.
Connie Smith:But he was so holistic that he couldn't even understand why the people under him just couldn't grasp what he was trying to say and run with it and get it done. Okay. Then we talked about the directive selective and the the story I just, just told about Richard, who is more selective. Otherwise, he wants to have part of decision making about him or his. Just completely set that aside and let the 2 entities over him make the decision.
Connie Smith:K. Then we have, those who run, who have a a a com who accomplished their goals through individual effort and those who accomplish through relationships. Now this is this is one, and here is a wonderful thing of this. In this North African country where we were working and focusing, this, semester abroad program, we realized that there were, had been missionaries in that work, in contact with that country for, at that time, most to a 100 years. And over that period of time, there were many, many, many, many who came to Christ.
Connie Smith:But today, where are they? Where are they? So we began to think about that. And one of the things that we found, and it's just one of the things, you see, why didn't they stand? Why didn't they stand?
Connie Smith:Why didn't they grow? It wasn't as if they didn't have the holy spirit in them who speaks the their their dialect of Arabic. So why are there so few that have a legacy? Well, one of the things is their orient the cultural orientation of the us and the them. So, a person becomes a believer, and they are rejected from the us group.
Connie Smith:Okay? They are rejected from the us group. Where do they go? Where do they go for friendship? Where do they go for fellowship?
Connie Smith:Where do they go for belonging? Because they're no longer a part of of an us group. They are part of a now a them. But none of the them is making them an us. I told this, at one point in teaching this.
Connie Smith:A young man raised his hand, an American, raised his hand and he said, yes. The same thing happened to me. When I became a believer, my family threw re rejected me and threw me out. So the same thing happened to me. I said, well, yes.
Connie Smith:And I'm I'm sorry that that happened to you. I'm sure it was very, very painful. But I said, where did you go? What did you do? How did you handle the fact that your family had disowned you?
Connie Smith:Well, I was really, really sad and hurt and all that, but I went to this other state or this other town, to a friend or a relative or somebody, and they took me in until I could get things sorted out. And I said, well, you see, that is not different. No. I'm sorry. That is quite different than what a young man in this country.
Connie Smith:He would have had no place and nobody to go to. So just this just the pressure would cause him to walk away and become back and come back into an us group. So if we're going to make believers in this country, we're going to have to help them either stay in their, stay in their us group wisely, or we're going to have to help them find another us group to belong to. K? Alright.
Connie Smith:Then we did oh, now we're ready to start something new. Right? Alright. So today, we're going to start talking about, the preparing. How do we go about preparing?
Connie Smith:I have some really good examples on, again, Richard's wisdom. I won't say it wasn't because of the leading of the Lord. Of course, it was. But he used such wisdom when we were in this project in Ethiopia. Okay.
Cindy:So this orientation are we doing now?
Connie Smith:The careful casual, the preparing.
Cindy:Careful casual.
Connie Smith:Yes. So in your book, it's probably around page 31. Let me see what it is in the new book. Yes. Page 32, it is.
Connie Smith:Okay. So this continuum looks at how people prepare in life to avoid mistakes or to cover them up if inadvertently mistakes are made. Now already, this sounds like sin. That is not what we're talking about. We are not talking about sin.
Connie Smith:We are talking about, a way God has put you together that you prepare for things. Now if you're not walking close to god, if you're walking apart from god, if you're an or you're under stress, you're going to tend to be more towards the extreme of either side. Okay. So this continuum looks at how people prepare in life to avoid mistakes or to cover them up if inadvertently mistakes are made. Or from the other side of the continuum, how unconcerned people can be about making mistakes since they view mistakes as something from which they can learn.
Connie Smith:Okay? So let's find out where everybody is on analyzing your score. Now remember, we're making a break at the 12, between 12 and 13. We're making that our medium. Okay?
Connie Smith:And both 124 are possible to be, but it's that will always lead you to trouble to be that far extreme. So, Mike, you'll have to do the list.
Mike Banker:Yep. So, Carmen, how's what's your number? 12. Okay.
Connie Smith:Alright. So 12 is just right in the middle, but tending towards towards being careful. K. Alright?
Mike Banker:Next one, stone.
Stone:Mine is 6.
Connie Smith:Okay. So Stone is quite casual. Beginning to show signs. Be a little bit of of careful coming in there, but you're, you're really pretty pretty far over on the casual. Okay?
Stone:It surprised me a little bit. I thought I'd be more careful.
Mike Banker:Okay. Michelle?
Michelle:I think I'm 7.
Connie Smith:Alright. And 7 is, again, quite casual quite casual, but not to the extreme. K. She has a little bit of careful.
Mike Banker:Alright. And then Cindy.
Cindy:Okay. I'm very extreme, but I totally I but I disagree with this one. Okay. So the other ones I agree with, but this is the first time I disagree. I'm 17.
Cindy:Oh, wow. Yeah. Which is really if you take a look at the way I lead my life, I'm actually very casual. I mean, I do plan a lot, but
Connie Smith:I do
Cindy:but it's not like I plan to the hilt before I make a decision. Otherwise, I would have never gone to the field. I would have not, like, I would have not the way we went to the field, you could tell that I was not doing the set I was not a 17. Way, I'm doing things now, certainly not a 17. I just if I see something and I think there's a need before I make a little bit of plan and then I just go for it.
Cindy:So, I'm not so that's why I was actually surprised when I because all the other ones I was, like, toward the middle, and then all of a sudden here I am, this outlier of 17.
Stone:Mhmm.
Connie Smith:So my actions As we as we study it then, you may find where it is along this thing that not just the number that that that you don't agree with. But why what is it about this that I don't agree with, that I don't see myself as doing? Mhmm. Okay? So as as we learn more about it.
Connie Smith:Alright?
Mike Banker:Okay. So then I'm, I'm a 6.
Stone:Oh, same as me.
Mike Banker:Hello?
Stone:I'm not sure. Time we got the same score.
Mike Banker:What's that?
Stone:That's the second time we got the same score.
Mike Banker:Yep. There you go.
Connie Smith:So that shows that you have a great deal of trouble working with you. Because nothing ever gets done because you're
Michelle:good. Yeah.
Mike Banker:It really just so much, I guess. Yeah. That's a good point. The PR leadership team in in China, we would, get together, and we'd have a great time, but I don't think we ever got anything done. We rarely, we thoroughly enjoyed each other, but, decisions were kinda rare.
Mike Banker:So yeah. Okay. Connie, where are you?
Connie Smith:Alright. It says I'm a 7, and, I thought I would be less than that. So that would say I'm probably pretty casual about things.
Mike Banker:Okay.
Connie Smith:Right? That is? Alright. Let's find out what this, what this is all about and why why do I agree or disagree with my placement, not by the number, but by the orientation. Be careful.
Connie Smith:Now, again, we're not talking about sin. Some of these some of these definitions, some of these explanations, signs like, well, if they just get their act together with god, then they wouldn't or they would, you know, this is not about that. Some really good examples here. Alright. Those of us who value carefulness as an orientation will organize our lives so that mistakes do not happen.
Connie Smith:Or that if they do, we have ways to either cover them up or fix them or repurpose the re yeah. Repurpose them. We may hate losing an argument or losing in any form of competition, particularly if we are strong time and and, hold it, and and directive, not directive. I I don't know why I can't say those words. Direct, time and dichotomy.
Connie Smith:We often feel that losing is related to our character. And if we are in the wrong, we can deny it, disappear from the scene, change the subject, blame someone else, or in some other way, keep from accepting responsibility. I remember, one leader of a group, when things didn't go his way, he would literally, literally I've seen him do it. He would literally get a chair, face it into the corner, and he would sit with his face to the corner, ignoring everybody behind him, reading a book or whatever. Oh, amazing.
Connie Smith:Amazing. Instead of dealing with the thing. Oh, dear. This is the leader of the group. Okay.
Connie Smith:Different people are careful in different ways. As Americans, our carefulness is tied to our tasks and work working relationships. So we can pride ourselves for being blunt and honest. Tell it like it is. In some cultures, the saving of face and the reluctance to bring shame is in focus.
Connie Smith:I have a very, much left sided person
Michelle:who
Connie Smith:this also comes under leadership style style too, who has been on the field now for 20 years plus, mostly in Southeast Asia, who finds it so frustrating to the point of tears and anger because you cannot say anything directly. You have to go around the barn. Yeah. So you can't confront anything, thus, you know, sin abounds. You can't do this, you can't do that because you can't confront.
Connie Smith:Because the people are so careful that, to do so is to bring shame and therefore, communication ceases. Alright. So, it was difficult for my wife to effectively teach the to read. Oh, if she was too frank and point number 1, they had never seen paper and knew nothing about reading, writing, or arithmetic. But anyway and they were also a communal, communal group.
Connie Smith:A communal group who could not hear who could not hear unless it was said directly to them. You know, talk about evangelism. It's a 1 on one thing. 2 people in the room, nobody hears anything. Seen them many, many, many times.
Connie Smith:The radio squawks, two way radio. What did they say? What did they say? So Jose says, oh, Ricardo, when did the what does the radio say? And Richard says, well, he said that the, the weather was bad, that the pilot was flying through, and that they would be late coming.
Connie Smith:So Eduardo would say, who's right there, heard all this, would say, Ricardo, Ricardo, what did they what did the radio say? But when you're teaching, it has to be 1 on 1. I do have to tell a funny story about teaching. I was teaching this little boy. We we made a blackboard and, well, a green board, but and with chalk and was trying to tease him to write the letter and speak the letter and recognize the letter a, ah.
Connie Smith:So, you know, we did it, and we did it, and we did it, and we did it, and I would do it, and he would copy it. I would do it, and he would copy it. Then I told him to copy it by himself, and he would copy it. And then I said to him, now without without, looking, I want you to write the letter a. So here it is, you know, some place where half of it's off off the board even.
Connie Smith:So I looked at him, and he's doing it without looking. He has his eyes closed. Rather than not looking at the example
Mike Banker:He's satisfied.
Connie Smith:I said without looking. And so he had his eyes closed. Oh, dear. Okay.
Mike Banker:Yeah. Well, you're quite the teacher, Patty. You're quite the teacher.
Connie Smith:Oh, yeah. Yes. Yes. So if I was too frank in saying, no. That's not right, for instance, or no.
Connie Smith:That's not the word or whatever, and pointing out an error, now they're there alone. Okay? But if I pointed out anything, they would just suddenly become very quiet, and then no response, no response. And then in a little bit, they would just pick up their pouch and leave. So we learned to present new things to them.
Connie Smith:No. That's another one. Yes. 1 at a time without others around so that the individual would feel safe. Very careful.
Connie Smith:We, Americans, do not understand other cultures who are concerned with face, nor do we understand those who hesitate to say no or who have to use mediators and middlemen to keep from face to face confrontations. We've worked in cultures where, a man would never ask the girl to marry him or ask the father if he could marry the girl. He would have his friend go and ask the father. If if this other guy could marry could court his daughter. And when there's a problem, you don't go alone, or you don't go on your own, or you don't go to face or confront or be confronted.
Connie Smith:You take someone who does the confronting for you or to explain. But if we ever hope to work with people like this with these orientations, we had better figure out how to deal with it. Culturally, there is a way to deal with it even though you may not see it. I can guarantee you you're dealing with human beings. You're dealing with human beings, and they have to learn to live in harmony.
Connie Smith:And so there are ways of handling these things. Now, amongst the matzah, the worst thing you can be is angry. So Parito came to us one day, and he said, I have to go away for a time. He said, my wife stole my beads, and I'm very, angry with her. So I have to go away and calm my anger and come back and be able to move on.
Connie Smith:Now, you know, she's never confronted by anybody because there's nobody in authority to confront her. And there is no recourse because to be angry is the worst thing you can be, so he has to go get unangry before he can come back and live in harmony. Okay. Now the casual, those of us who have an orientation towards casualness hope for success rather than plan for it. We do not mind making mistakes and usually freely admit to doing so.
Connie Smith:We can tell very personal stories about ourselves. We may not pay attention to details. We may not see the importance of rituals, making and, for example, or of a set routine for greeting people. We can be viewed as ugly Americans because others perceive us as rude and ill mannered when we're just being ourselves. Positive of this is that we are usually unafraid to try new things and experiment.
Connie Smith:The negative is this, is that we may be reckless and disorganized. Alright. So some illustrations. Let me find this one. Okay.
Connie Smith:People who are who value carefulness organize life so that error is avoided. If error does occur, it is covered in such a way that it is not recognized. They will do everything possible to ensure success. They could they can make excellent coordinators, bookkeepers, researchers, and planners. And in the world of any kind of science, you would want the person to be more careful than casual.
Connie Smith:If you're laying there on the operating table, you hope that the surgeon who can be either careful or casual. But we're hoping very, very much that as my doctor, as my surgeon, he's going to be very, very careful. So they will be methodical. They will double check everything. They will, be well organized, everything laid out in a plan, knowing exactly what step 1 is and how were they going to go about doing step 1 and how then to have step 1 flow into step 2.
Connie Smith:This all may be organized on paper like the the, good example is this is that to cross cultural worker in Latin America, in a a tribal group who didn't even have a word for time. And he had his day set out in his day daily planner in 15 minutes sex segments. They will avoid, they will be organized. And if their point of procrastination is not being able to plan it well enough to start, k, they will tend to be perfectionist. They will argue a point to the end because if they're careful, they may also be dichotomistic.
Connie Smith:Look at that. I got the word dichotomistic in which they have to be right because there is only one right answer. Now taken to extreme, that becomes part of an something else called anyway, it's not part of of, of this. But if they're on that side, heavily on that side, under stress or without being in control of it, they may tend to go too far. Okay.
Connie Smith:A perfectionist also has no tolerance for flaws. Notice that that word is in quotation marks because it's what they, as the dichotomist, has perceived as a flaw. So they are not really heavy in mercy and grace. They are also very quite judgmental. But that it's another point.
Connie Smith:Alright. Let's see if I have another example here. Okay.
Michelle:Alright. Connie, I can give you a good example. Uh-huh. Try not to make a mistake. My son, who learned to play violin for a short time, and he is very good at it.
Michelle:But but one time I never hear him practice because I think he's afraid to you know, how he learn would be ugly.
Stone:And
Michelle:so one time one time he just out of the blue, he play a song. Well, I said, I've never heard you practice. When did you learn? Well, later I found out he was picking on the fingers, practicing without making the sound.
Cindy:Amazing. So he
Michelle:said Yeah. It's when when I read that, the exam I was like, this is this is a extremely Excellent. Very extreme.
Cindy:An excellent example. Yes.
Connie Smith:So they hate mistakes. So life is organized to avoid the error.
Michelle:Yeah. At least not that other people know. You know? If you
Connie Smith:Oh, yes.
Michelle:But that's the whole thing. Nobody can hear.
Connie Smith:That's right. But knee and neither is he satisfied in his plan if he makes a mistake. That so he can practice, practice, practice.
Michelle:Until he's confident, and then
Connie Smith:he plays. Yep. And then then he can turn on the sound. Yeah. Well done.
Connie Smith:Okay. So they hate mistakes, so life is organized to avoid errors. When error does occur, they will cover it up. How many times I've heard person who is always angry about something can say, well, that's my Irish blood. You know, the Irish are known for their belligerence.
Connie Smith:And or they will cover it. The point is that that they won't say, well, I was wrong, because it's very, very, very difficult for a careful person to admit wrong, because their whole goal in life is to not be wrong.
Mike Banker:Whole goal in life.
Connie Smith:So there are different ways that they might go about covering it up. 1 is to project it onto something without taking responsibility. I have a woman I'm working with right now who yeah, it's all my mother's fault. Well, yeah, her mother was beyond witchhood. But, you know, it's time you take responsible responsibility and admit your choices that got you where you are right now, she didn't put you there.
Connie Smith:Okay. So they may, they may cover there by withdrawing from the scene as The leader who, when found fault with, just withdrew into the corner. I just every time I think of that, I think, here's this grown man, tall, nice looking, got it all together. Sure he does. He's the leader of this group.
Connie Smith:He found he made a wrong decision or whatever, and so he and he go jugs his chair to the corner. He sits back in the corner facing the wall reading a book now. Well, you can just see, by the way, the thing is bouncing that that he's just full of anger about this, indignant that he should be following along. Oh, dear. And his team is supposed to work under him.
Connie Smith:Okay.
Stone:Funny. Does that mean that this man, even though he's very angry, but he's facing the war, he's not hurting anyone. So he's still in control. But I've seen so many people, they are so afraid to admit they made mistakes, and they start to blame shifting and accuse other people.
Connie Smith:But that's another way that we'll get to that. Other way other ways is project to the somebody else, which is what you do when you are say, well, my mother, she made me like this. See, it's it's somebody else's fault. The devil made me do it. So they may do it by withdrawing from the scene.
Connie Smith:They may do it by denial and act as if nothing happened. The, the had a beautiful way of saying that, they broke something. In their language, they would say, this broke to me.
Stone:Or they blow fate.
Connie Smith:Yeah. Well, yeah, that's that's another projection. Mhmm. But their language that that I broke this would come out as as a, passive and that it broke to me. So Yes?
Mike Banker:So, Connie, the this list, though, oh, I guess he haven't really finished it. But several of these things are on the list in the rebellion chapter for Saul and his response. So
Connie Smith:Imagine that. K. Okay. You can sin out of either side. Mhmm.
Connie Smith:Okay? Beautiful example. And that that is an example of, that Richard often used in his teaching. It was just that very one. K?
Connie Smith:Or they may even manipulate others to act as if nothing happened so that there's not even anybody left blaming them. Or they may change the subject to divert attention by not taking the blame themselves, but projected onto someone else. The examples given here are like, the devil made me do it, or it's my Irish blood, which is, you know, it's just my nature to be like that because of who I am. Or by redefining it as as good. For instance let's see.
Connie Smith:Yeah. K. By redefining it as good, I remember, I remember a person who accidentally, dropped a dish and broke it. And rather than saying, oh my. I broke that dish.
Connie Smith:It was, oh, well, that dish was old and it was time it was broken. Or by justifying, Let's see.
Mike Banker:I think I'm going to practice being more more careful around Denise just for the fun of it, see if it drives her crazy. You know, it's just good practice, like homework for this course.
Connie Smith:Yeah. Okay. Okay. By justifying well, if you had not put it there, you know, like the man who said, well, if you had just done what I said, I wouldn't have had to blacken your eye. It was white.
Connie Smith:You know? They're very it's very difficult to get a person who's very careful to tell stories and expose anything about themselves that might show that they did a wrong. We had one man in our, program that was always, always, always I gave this example already as as rebellion, but, always, always, always told stories about himself, highlighting the wonderful protection of God in his life. So the story was all about what he did. Now this would be he's definitely cat more casual.
Connie Smith:But he would tell, you know, he's paddling down the river in the canoe. There's a fork in the thing. There's a big danger size that do not go this way. And he says, oh, I'm gonna go this way. And then the story is how God protected him and da da da da da da da da.
Connie Smith:So this is a form of redefining the about themselves, they talk in vague terms about personal areas of their lives. Or they use euphemisms, especially for sensitive issues and for errors. He has sticky fingers, rather than he's a thief. Or the different the different ways people use euphemisms, for just for going to the bathroom. Anyway
Mike Banker:Yeah. Just, so in Mongolia, if you have to go to the bathroom, you say I have to go I have to go check on the horses.
Connie Smith:Okay.
Stone:Mhmm. Really? You're not making that up.
Mike Banker:Oh my god. That's what they say.
Connie Smith:The the Brits one would be I gotta go spend a penny.
Mike Banker:Does they have to pay when they use the bathroom?
Michelle:Probably
Connie Smith:I I suppose that that's where it came from. I I don't know. But
Mike Banker:In Chinese, I have to, I guess, relieve myself. Right? Mhmm.
Connie Smith:Oh, yeah. Really. Everyone everybody has a way of of handling it. But, if the more careful a society, the less likely they are to say, I have to go urinate. We at America do a number 1 or a number 2.
Connie Smith:We do, I have to go powder my nose, All of these kind of things. Some are obviously quite crude, which I don't need to go into. But, anyway, they do not like to try new things or to experiment. Alright. Now there are ways to help these people.
Connie Smith:And, when we're done here, I will give a beautiful example. Well, I have a number of examples. But now let's take a break. We're the a concluding point here. And, it's time.
Connie Smith:Okay. Here's a couple of illustrations that, as I was reading over my list here. There was a time, that 1st year that we were in Colombia, a guest, a a visitor from the states came, and he took all of us that are worth living at the guest house at that time, out to a very nice restaurant. Well, they had not made reservations, I guess. Anyway, we were all out in the waiting room, and they brought us all chairs to sit in while we were waiting.
Connie Smith:And so, 2 people walked in, and one made the announcement that it was time for, you know, we could come. Their their heads place for us, or the place was now ready. So we all stood up, and the second guy or maybe there was more, but anyway, this this second guy pulled my chair out so that I could get up more easily. And then they said and I didn't realize this. And then they said, oh, no.
Connie Smith:Mistake. And so everybody sat down again. Only when I sat down, I didn't have a chair. So here in front of all these people, sat on the floor, you know, and all kinds of and I wasn't embarrassed. I wasn't hurt, because I'm I'm much more on the casual side.
Connie Smith:Those kind of things, you you just laugh off. But there wasn't a word said by anybody as they all averted their eyes from me as I got up and pulled my chair in and sat down. They they they would nobody made a word about it, and nobody made a joke about it. Nobody rushed to see if I was hurt. It was very, very interesting.
Connie Smith:However, even though that happened years ago, whenever I go to sit down, I grab a hold of my chair and sit on it. I do not just sit down in the chair. I mean, that that that last part was a freebie. Okay. Then, in, again, this was in Ethiopia, but, we had a colleague Where sorry.
Connie Smith:Where was a a chair incident? Colombia. Okay. And most of the people there were in that room were not Colombian. They were not all Americans, but they were not they were not all Colombians.
Connie Smith:It just happened. It wasn't happened there. Okay. Okay. Here's another one.
Connie Smith:This is Ethiopia and a translator. Everybody always looked to us because by this time, we we were a the experienced ones. And, of course, we're not I don't know if we were yet forties. No. I don't think we're forties yet.
Connie Smith:Anyway, everybody always looked to us as the experienced ones. And then or they look to us as because we belong to this particular organization, we were safe, and so we were accepted and all of that. Anyway so, even though we had a leader in the country, He was busy with his own thing, and he was he was a much more much more selective leader. So he wasn't really taking care of Ernst August. And so Ernst August, this is a a working with a, Islam group Islamic group trying to translate descriptors with no believers.
Connie Smith:And he fussed and fussed and fussed and fussed, trying to find trying to find a a an educated Christian with some, some theological training to be his language helper, his translation helper. So he's looking and he's looking and he's looking. Well, we had just come from a peep people who had no knowledge of god, period, who had no concept of the outside world, who had never even seen a a piece of paper. We were there when they named it, etcetera, etcetera. So, anyway, Ernst Ernst August came to Richard, and he says, I don't know what to do.
Connie Smith:I can't find a language helper or translate translation helper. And, well, who do you have around you? Well, I have Hamid, who, is every foreigner had to have, by this time, had to have an employee. So he was Hamid was the house boy. And, so Hamid is there, and he's passing back and forth across him every day.
Connie Smith:So, Richard said, well, what about what about Hamid? Well, Hamid is not a Christian. He's not has no education, and he just wouldn't be suitable. We're translating the word of God here. You know, people?
Connie Smith:We gotta be careful who we get to do this. And so Richard said to him, because this is how you would go about helping someone who is of that orientation, is to share the responsibility. Because you're also going most likely going to be dichotomistic, which means there's only one right way. And if you've got the wrong helper, god would really be upset with you for allowing this wrong helper to translate his word. So Richard said, I will stand as the one responsible for this decision.
Connie Smith:He said, I will I will commit to that. So my suggestion for you would be to use Hamid because he's there. But if that's not the right decision before god doesn't think that's the right decision. Then God can be upset with me if he needs to be upset. So and he immediately started working with Hamid, and it wasn't very, very long before they were able to print, I don't remember, 10,000 copies, I think, because it was a very large group.
Connie Smith:10,000 copies of the story of Joseph, their first translation project, the story of Joseph, and his brothers. And within just a few weeks, and they sold out in the 1st day. And, if that had not happened, if Richard had not intervened there and taken on that responsibility, they might be sitting there today still not finding anybody that fit what he thought he needed. Everybody was ecstatic, of course, at the outcome. K.
Connie Smith:Another one. Okay. When Teresa we went to the tribal and, into this tribal group.
Cindy:So can I ask a question? Yes. When you say so this, this leader, so he was more of a careful person because he could not
Connie Smith:Well, this this man. The the leader was a different person. The leader should have been taking care of this problem that Richard took care of. Oh, okay. So Okay.
Connie Smith:So this this man this man is is a translator, and he's not the leader. Oh, okay. Okay.
Cindy:He was a selective purse no. He was a careful person.
Connie Smith:Yes. Very careful. To the point that he needed to have someone else come in and share this responsibility in order to get the job done. And that's the way that you will find that in order to get a careful person to move on, you have to prepare them very, very deeply for them to move on. And Richard did a marvelous job of that in the team that that we collected.
Connie Smith:The work was their work, not the foreigners' work that they were hired to do. It was their team. He he just did so many things, right. But in this case, this was talking about the cross cultural worker trying to work and bring God's word to a group of people who were not believers. Mhmm.
Connie Smith:And this this translator, this cross cultural worker was could not find the perfect helper. Right? Okay. Here's another good illustration
Cindy:of again, we're on, careful? Okay.
Connie Smith:Well, we're still we're still on careful. I I saw that there were a number of illustrations that were good ones that, I hadn't said. So Teresa was when she was 2, when we were out in the tribe, she got stuck on top of an anthill and was being bitten. And she was screaming and crying, and the people were all just standing around laughing. Okay?
Connie Smith:Now we could have been really, really, really angry with these people for not just doing something, which we probably were. But, anyway, that's not the point of this. The point of this is that when we finally got to her, Richard just grabbed her up off the anthill and brushed the ants away and comforted her and all that kind of stuff. And the people were very, very concerned for her. This wasn't a matter of concern, but it was a matter of she's on an anthill that she shouldn't have been on.
Connie Smith:There's error taking place here, and you don't know what to do about it. Or you're you're not ready to do something, or the circumstance whatever the reason, the orientation of the people was not just to go take action, but to cover up the air by laughing. Yeah. I talked about that one. Okay.
Connie Smith:So let's look then.
Cindy:Where was this? Was it in Colombia or Ethiopia? Pardon? Where what country was this in?
Connie Smith:That one was, what was the one I just gave? The anthill one. Anthill was in Colombia out in the middle of the jungle. Got casual people, people who value casualness hope for success rather than plan for it. They admit error and mistakes easily, and there is no loss of respect.
Connie Smith:They admit mistakes without any particular hesitation. Because of this, they may have difficulty in being truly repented or in saying they are sorry with some understanding of the real issues or the real harm that they did. People with this orientation, are somewhat unconcerned about making mistakes. Now they nobody wants to make mistakes, but the casual person can just take them in their stride. Whereas the careful person, it becomes, an emotional nightmare.
Connie Smith:They may even try something first. And if it doesn't work, then they read the manual. Or excuse me. For those of you that are are too young to know about manuals, they will go to the Internet and, YouTube and find out how to do it. They will tend to start something, see what happens, and then revise.
Connie Smith:We ran across in our early very, very early days before we'd even had jungle camp. It was that time, but jungle camp. And we were with this, family in this travel group up in the mountains of Mexico, and they had been there a great number of years. And we found that he had finished translating the whole book of Mark, but we found it was still in a drawer. And in asking him now, this is the opposite of casual.
Connie Smith:Okay? This is very careful. He had had that in that drawer for many years. Many years. Well, why didn't you share it with the people?
Connie Smith:Because it isn't finished yet. It isn't perfect yet. Okay. So they, casual p that was that was definitely careful that just came to mind. They will tend to the casual people would tend to start something, see what happens, and then revise.
Connie Smith:Now that is kinda me all all the way. I am not a creative person. I I do not come up with the idea, but I'm quite good actually of taking what's there and fixing it in whatever way I think it needs fixing. They will tell stories on themselves that may expose their weaknesses as human beings. They don't necessarily always have to come out looking good.
Connie Smith:They don't mind sharing personal and sometimes intimate areas of their lives. Oh my goodness. Not only was this person I'm going to talk about, casual to the nth degree in what she did, but, she was also a very, very wounded person. And we met her at the Mennonite Guest House in Kenya, And we sat down, and the very first thing she did was start telling us about the horrors of her first husband and selling her for sex, and all of the traumas that she went through with all of that. Obviously, wounded to the core, but casual enough that we hardly knew their names.
Connie Smith:And these are cross cultural workers. And the first thing she did, she didn't even talk about where they were working now or any she spilled all of this right out of her being about this first husband that had been such an evil person.
Mike Banker:So so, Connie, did she do that with everybody, or you were you dating?
Connie Smith:I I'm quite sure that this was her modus operandi because she didn't know us from a hole in the ground.
Stone:It could be your wild vibe.
Connie Smith:It could be, but it is an excellent example of a person that is overly casual. Okay? A careful person would not ever, ever, ever have ever done anything like that. They would have a hard time even sharing something like that after they had it resolved. This person had not only not had this thing resolved, carrying it around with her, but also was willing just to share it at a moment's notice.
Connie Smith:They don't mind experimenting and trying new things. There are people who would only do the tried and true. For instance, here's a very good one. This is Ethiopia, and this is with the Hadea translator. And he happened to be, as his most of his culture was very, very careful.
Connie Smith:But even though there were, you know, 300 plus congregations of second generation believers in this tribal group of a million, They never had any teaching in their own language. All of their spiritual knowledge was done in the national language, Amharic. They wanted the Bible in their own language. Of course. And that's why we were there is to help them get that.
Connie Smith:But these are very, very careful people. And, Otto Tesfaye was a very careful person, very mature, very mature in the Lord and all of that, and what had been the leader of the one of the bible schools. Very, very man good man close to God, but he had never shared anything in his own language. And all of his congregations, all of the congregations were, speakers of their their their mother tongue was Hadea. So they do have like to have lots of conferences.
Connie Smith:So, our policy in the project was you're free to go to any conference you want to go to. We will give you permission to do that. However, if you go and you speak about the the project or share the newly translated scripture or talk about the translation or teach somebody to read it or or or that we will pay you for those days. But if you go and you don't do those things, then it is not a work time, and therefore, we will not pay for those times. So, anyway, he was going to go do a, he was going to have a part in leading this conference coming up.
Connie Smith:Now these conferences are usually 4 days, and you may have 5,000 people there, and the teaching is done out in the field. And, you might sleep that night wrapped up in your in your, I can't remember what the word is now. But anyway, wrapped up in your robe and sleeping as a group on the ground or on the floor of a building or whatever. Been there. Done that.
Connie Smith:But, I believe the passage that they were going to have this conference on was something, I I believe it was something in first part of Revelation. I don't remember exactly what it was. But it was something that had not been translated yet. And so I have to testify, ask Richard if he could go and speak at this at this, but he wanted to do it in Hadiyah. This would be the first time that any piece of scripture had been shared in Hadiyah.
Connie Smith:So Richard gave him permission to take his time off the regular translation and to translate those that passage and to share it with the group and those other Hadea speakers in the in the team. And they all decided that this word would be better or that phrase would be better. And so it was it was a clear translation. And then Richard had him, stand up and read it to the class. And then he had him practice in front of the class to speak it, though we didn't hear his message, but to speak this out.
Connie Smith:And he did everything he could to prepare him and to give him confidence. And I tell you when he came back from that conference, he was floating on air. Beautifully done, beautifully received. But he was very careful and therefore had to be prepared to do this. And that is so important with these careful people.
Connie Smith:You do not give them a task to do that is unknown to them. You give them a task that if they don't know how to do it or that they are not confident to do it or for whatever reason, they don't do it, that you prepare them so that they can go and do it. So that they do not fall into error or do not make an error or seem like they don't know what they're talking about. That was a a really good lesson for me to see how this actually worked. Alright?
Connie Smith:So he was definitely on the other side, so you had to prepare him. And but people on the casual side, they don't mind standing up and and winging it. And, for instance, I'm I wherever I am on my number, I don't even remember now, but I'm much more casual than Richard was. And the thing, I enjoyed most in speech class in high school was extemporaneous speaking, where you're given a topic and you have 3 15 minutes to prepare to present a speech about it. And I really enjoyed that.
Connie Smith:Richard would not have. He might have done it because it was required, but he would have really prepared himself for it to do it, and he would have been uncomfortable doing it. He learned over time to be in control of it, and so he learned to come more towards center in a lot of things. They don't pay a whole lot of attention to details. And this can be a a a a good thing or a bad thing.
Connie Smith:I wanna share this one. This is a well known, American group, and this group was having an area study at their headquarters in in the the Netherlands. And, we were invited to to do a teaching there probably on this at that time. So we came up from Spain to the Netherlands to do this. And, so one of the leaders of the area, where in in in the area where we were, what name was Norm.
Connie Smith:And Norm, was in charge of a group that were going out to different churches as they were invited there in the Netherlands, going out to different churches to present the work of this group, which was a short term basically, a short term mission at that time. So now this leader, Norm, was very much on the casual side of things. And it got him always into trouble with his with his peep people that he was trying to lead. But this time and he he told this story himself to the group. He was to take this group, and they were going to present something, at the church.
Connie Smith:And he ends up they end up going to the wrong church because he hadn't gotten the address. So they were winging it because it's over here. You know? They were winging it. And so they were they not only got to the wrong church, but they got to the wrong church at the wrong time.
Connie Smith:So they didn't know they were in the wrong church. So he marches them all in. They walk to the front. They gave their whole presentation only to find out that wasn't the church they were supposed to be in. Now that is a casual orientation.
Connie Smith:He was also in charge at one point of, of the food, and they were on always always on a limited budget, at these conferences leadership conferences. Anyway, 3 days from the end of this, they ran out of food because he had not prepared enough. So I think for those those 3 days, I think what we lived on was peanut butter and bread. We were there both of these when both of these things took place. When, another cross cultural worker was, confronted about his attitude, his answer was, yes.
Connie Smith:You're right. I need help in correcting that. Oh, I've seen many people do the job, try to put it together, and then finally look at the manual, finally look at the instructions. Let's see.
Mike Banker:Yeah. So, Connie, I I'm pretty casual, but I had someone that was so helpful to me named Carmen. I was in China. And also to that handled all those details that I was not so we all have a certain bent. And I guess you have to recognize your bent and how it affects others.
Mike Banker:But Carmen, what Carmen, thank you for arranging all those students and all those classes and all the details and and things over the years. And I guess it's important though to recognize those things are are needed. You know, for a casual person, it's very easy to forget that all this stuff is even needed. So to have somebody that teammates around you that anyway.
Connie Smith:And that's very true.
Mike Banker:So like this this man you just shared the story about, he somebody should he should have had somebody he should have recognized he needed somebody else to organize that stuff. Now maybe he didn't have anybody, but yeah, when I take over those kinds of things, something always is forgotten because I'm too casual. Mhmm.
Connie Smith:Yeah. But
Mike Banker:No. That's not fair. I can't I could be very detailed, but oftentimes.
Connie Smith:Right. Let me say this about you. Mhmm. You're casual, but you have char have charge of it. And therefore, you don't mind taking on the learning of new technology even.
Mike Banker:Yeah.
Connie Smith:And you're willing to try it.
Mike Banker:Uh-huh.
Connie Smith:Learn from them and, see that there was an error. Yep. Go back and try it again with some tweaking and try it again and to take charge of the whole situation. Now that is because you are in charge of your orientation.
Mike Banker:Okay.
Connie Smith:Okay? Now in times of stress or in a in a crisis or whatever, you will tend to be more more casual because that's your band anyway
Michelle:Mhmm.
Connie Smith:Rather than going directly to being careful and wanting to do all the details.
Mike Banker:Wow. You nailed it.
Connie Smith:But you see, if it had not been for you in all of your casualness, seeing the need to do zoo Zoom meetings and running with that using the trial and error method, we would not be having this conversation here today because it wouldn't have gotten done. Okay? Who else who else would have done it? Nobody.
Mike Banker:Well, I didn't see anybody else standing up saying I'll do it, so that's true.
Connie Smith:So you went with it. You didn't know what you were doing, but you had a good idea what needed to be done. And so you went and you learned how to do it. You did it by trial and error. And, even to the point of this first one, you just opened wide up.
Connie Smith:The second one that you of the trainings that you did, you limited to how many that you sent out invitations to. Yep. And and and and and. Absolutely.
Mike Banker:Right. Right.
Connie Smith:That's a man who's in charge of who he of his orientation.
Mike Banker:Yeah. That's a good way to put it. In charge of your orientation.
Connie Smith:One of the one of the negatives, and this is not you. Mhmm. But one of the negatives of the casual person is that they can just walk all over somebody and never ever notice that they've hurt them.
Stone:I sometimes hurt people without knowing that, and it just take me longer, much longer time to finally realize what happened. I didn't do that on purpose. It was a lots of, like, mistake, like, misunderstanding, you know, things this need to be clarified and and and I didn't pay attention to that, so I didn't do that. So there was further misunderstanding. One thing to another, like, then all of a sudden, this one this person is really mad at me.
Stone:Well, the same time, I have no idea about that.
Mike Banker:Yeah. Those careful ones sometimes have such a short fuse.
Connie Smith:Yes. Because
Mike Banker:it was wrong.
Connie Smith:Yeah. But, also, the casual person, along with these other orientations, can be so casual that, you do end up hurting people. You don't give them the direction they need. You don't give them consideration for how they're feeling. We were married for 60 years.
Connie Smith:And of those 60 years, I do not remember any argument that we had. But I do remember that there were maybe as many as five times that my husband was angry enough at me to let me know about it. Okay? And every single one of those was my casualness leaving him behind. So we would get into a discussion or we're attacking a problem, and I'm set on focused on on on my my thing things that are going on in my head.
Connie Smith:And I leave him behind, and I don't give him space to enter in. And every single time, it was that. Now did I realize that I was doing this? Absolutely not. But did I own it when he brought it up?
Connie Smith:I could see it. Absolutely. Absolutely. I could see what I did. So both sides can bring hurt and harm to people because neither side has people other people in focus.
Connie Smith:That comes at a different continuum. Okay? Neither side is unless taken to the extreme. Neither side is sinful. It's just what you do with it.
Connie Smith:I've seen so many people hurt, not by the direct activity of somebody deliberately towards them, but hurt by being simply dismissed, which is what I was doing with Richard. I wasn't including him. Man, I was on a roll here. And the roll, nothing wrong with being on that roll. But it was when my focus then was all that was happening to me and my focus, forgetting all about Richard.
Connie Smith:Okay. Let's see what else we got here. It's very interesting that I am not so casual that I couldn't make my way in life. I have I have, for the most part, since I was 7 when my dad went off to war, and he left me in taking care of my mother and my little brother. I have not really leaned on anybody since then.
Connie Smith:My mother was sickly, and I didn't bring her my problems, so on and so forth. And it takes me a long time to believe that there's anybody interested enough in me to share my, problem with. But it is out of my casualness that I have taken charge of things and moved ahead with them because that's the only way they were gonna get done. Now that, I think, was a pretty good use of that casualness. But the danger of that casualness is that I tended to leave people maybe feeling used, or tended to let them feel as if they were left out.
Connie Smith:I remember, I received 2 compliments when I was a teenager that, I've always remained with me. And one of them is this. Who would you want with you if you were on, if there was an accident and you were lost and didn't know what to do or where to go. And this one woman girl, we were all kids, well, I would want Connie with me because I know that she would get us home. Now I did not take that as a as something to brag about, but rather it did make me question, why would she say something like that?
Connie Smith:Why would she have chosen me for that with that explanation? Looking back on that, I think it was because, in being casual, I could take the risk of making choices of what to do. I I don't think that's all of it. I I think there's some other continuums that come into play. But in that case, for that girl, the continuance that I was living out in front of her gave her confidence under with me in in in the in the picture.
Connie Smith:I still don't say that with confidence. I'm saying that something out of these these, continuum, something here fed that tour. The other, the other compliment was, oh, you ride a horse just like an Indian princess. And I'd always wanted to be Native American, and I thought that was just a great compliment. Anyway, so any questions here?
Mike Banker:So no wonder you want to go to Mongolia to ride horses.
Connie Smith:Oh, yeah.
Mike Banker:Uh-huh.
Connie Smith:Oh, Richard always made this point. He's over here on on prepared, on, oh, what do we have in there? He's over here on the careful side, and I'm a much more casual side. Believe it or not, it was very, very difficult for Richard to ever stand up and teach. And God worked with him through a lot of instances and, so on and so forth till he got to the point that he was very comfortable in front of people and teaching.
Connie Smith:And I'm from the the casual side, and he's from the but we made a what was I starting to say about that? We we made a good team. But when I look back, I maybe wouldn't have thought of it at the time. But every assignment, every task that God has set before us to do for a see certain season of time has been a pioneering work, a work that they said couldn't be done, a work that is new, a work that is taking your family out into the middle of nowhere, where you're 3 hours by air from, from your center with no means of getting there except by the plane. You're a month, a month away by walking from the nearest village.
Connie Smith:What would that be? I think we were we were 10 minutes by air. No. Half an hour. 50 minutes from the nearest village by air, etcetera, etcetera.
Connie Smith:Taking your 4 month old baby and whatnot. So the careful person is able to take risks because life is all about risks. Walking with God our journey with God has always been about taking risks. Some of those risks have been harder than others. But no matter what side of the continuum we came from, the task that God set out before us was always a risk taking one.
Connie Smith:I have a question. And I have just And with that and with that, he has never allowed us to see the end result. We have not end to completion any of the tasks that God set before us. But all of those tasks that he set before us were a pioneer work. Both of it came into it, able to take the risk from both orientations.
Connie Smith:Okay. Now your question, dear.
Cindy:So that's interesting because you said that the careful person is able to take risks.
Connie Smith:Oh, yes. Which that So what what would it take then for a careful person to be able to take the risk?
Mike Banker:Well, I'm
Cindy:having trouble wrapping my mind around how you said that a careful person is able to take risk when if you risk and you fail, which they don't like to fail, then it seems to be not a careful trait.
Connie Smith:So what would you have to do if you're a careful person or working with a careful person? What would you have to do? I mean, no matter what side you're on, you're gonna make mistakes. There's gonna be errors in your life. Yeah.
Connie Smith:Okay. Okay. So the the goal of the careful person is to reduce those risks, those errors as much as possible. Yeah. Okay?
Connie Smith:So what is what's going to have to happen for the very careful person to take the risk, and what is going to have to happen for the casual person to succeed having taken the risk?
Cindy:So for the first question, what would it take for a careful person in order to take the risk? And I would say I mean, my first reaction would be, they have to see the goal very clearly. I mean, so the the goal is worth the risk because it is a worthy cause, to take the risk. Then the casual person, in order to make the risk work, would need a careful person or a dichotomous person, to to help execute the whatever the risk is or the project.
Mike Banker:So k. In my in our case, we never would have gone to China if it wasn't for me. Right. We never would have survived China if it wasn't for Denise.
Connie Smith:There you go. Well, I was did not take Yeah. What did it take?
Mike Banker:Uh-huh.
Connie Smith:Let let's not let's not pick on Denise since she's not here to to defend this. But, but
Mike Banker:But I think I can answer it without
Cindy:Yes.
Mike Banker:Hurting her. I think for 1, we always imagine living overseas with our family. Uh-huh. Even though she's much more careful than I am, she did have this desire. But the second thing is we knew God actually showed us the apartment we would live in
Connie Smith:Mhmm.
Mike Banker:And the desk that I would sit in, and the orphanage that the niece would help with, all these things we had questions about, we saw it in a slide presentation because I said, you know, China, why would we go there? So God actually showed us all these things that would make the, the more careful person comfortable we saw on a slideshow before we ever went.
Cindy:It's it's interesting that you say that. God showed you a slideshow. God showed me in a in a vision when I was dreaming. Sorry. My voice is I actually saw a picture of the apartment
Connie Smith:or part of the apartment that
Cindy:I was looking out on. I mean, through a window. I still even remember this image. Okay. He gave me an image, while I was sleeping, of an apartment in China, and that's how I knew.
Cindy:Well, that was part of the many pieces that led us to China. But the original me being the careful person, because when you say that, careful person is willing to take risk, but I I'm just trying to still understand that. Like, what is it about the careful person that enables them to take risk? But I was the one who really was the one advocating to go to China, from the get.
Connie Smith:So again so again, why what had to happen in order for you to be, come careful enough to no. How in your careful orientation, what had to happen in order for you to be willing and comfortable going, taking
Cindy:those Okay. So that's a good question. So I had
Connie Smith:to have confirmation. Okay. So what would you call that? What would you call confirmation? What would you call training?
Connie Smith:What would you call, experimenting? Little trips here, little trips there. What would you call what would you call all of that?
Stone:Then certainty?
Mike Banker:Confidence building. I don't know.
Connie Smith:You know, things like preparation. Yeah. Okay. That's the plan o preparation. God was preparing you.
Connie Smith:He he prepared you one way, and then he gave you a vision.
Cindy:He gave a vision, and he gave 3 confirmations. Like Yeah.
Connie Smith:Okay. Like so that is all part of preparing you. That is all for preparing you. So a careful person is willing to take the risk if it's a well thought out risk worthy of taking. And so you had, he he gave you preparation.
Connie Smith:He gave you confirmation. He gave you all of these things to put in to to lock into your carefulness that says, okay. Now I've got that. I can go. I can take this risk.
Stone:What about I give you some based on my experience, like, a careful a casual person take risks. Like, I was called on 2013. So while I was still in my college studying geology, I had no idea about, like, inner well-being. No one around me know anything about this. I have no idea about this.
Stone:I just I feel like I I have to do this, so I jumped into this. I'm facing uncertainties. I don't have a plan. I don't have I don't figure anything out. So I just, jumped into this.
Stone:And, when god told me to start this ministry on 2020, I just do it. And I wake up every morning, do not know how many money I'm gonna make this week or this month. And I've been living life like this for 5 years. So I don't have a specific plan, and clearly, it's not like something that I can do to make things happen. It's just god bring things to me.
Stone:So literally, I don't know what's gonna happen for the next month. And this is this is a casual person would do. I think that god let me into this life because he knows that I'm a casual oriented person.
Connie Smith:Yeah. But even that casual oriented person, in order to to be successful, has to go with what they know. And you were not so far over on casual that you were not a thinking person. And so one of the things that god has how he has prepared you is that he has given you the ability to focus. He's given you the ability, kinda like my mantra in life has been that it's much easier for God to move, to direct a moving car than one that's parked.
Connie Smith:So I'm not one who has has basically sat around waiting for things to happen. I don't know what that step is going to be, but I our big thing's gonna be. But I know because I'd I I you know, I'm not clear off the chart on casual either. I do know that, for instance, I didn't had no I no longer had a direction for college, but I knew that I needed to enroll in college.
Michelle:So
Stone:Exactly. That's exactly the thing when I change my major from geology to psychology. So God gave me this vision about spiritual medic and because I was studying in a petroleum university, and all my family members work in petroleum domestic companies. No one doing anything. No one around me literally no one around me know anything about, mental health, psychology, counseling, you know, any of that.
Stone:So I figured Oh, it's there. Yeah. No one cares about that. I came to my church. I shared my vision, and I thought I was Pharisee.
Stone:They thought I lost my mind. Yeah. So all I think is, okay, I'm not in the environment that any closer to this vision, to spiritual medic, I need to jump into this circle first, and then I'll figure things out on the way. So I I I I went to Beijing and do psychology there. You know?
Connie Smith:So what happens with you in in your casualness is that you learn to do what you know. And as you do what you know, more is revealed. Yeah. Okay? I changed my major four times in college.
Connie Smith:So I graduated with a, a a major in 1 and 3 minors. And none of that do I consider wasted. I I didn't you know, I was gonna be a doctor. And now this school I'm going to, now I'm not even gonna not be a doctor. But what in the world do I choose to major in?
Connie Smith:And then I
Mike Banker:I crammed, I crammed 4 years of college into 7.
Connie Smith:Okay.
Mike Banker:They have 40 extra credits that didn't count towards anything just because they were interesting.
Connie Smith:Well, but you look at what you gained out of that.
Mike Banker:I should probably go back and see if I can get something from those 40.
Connie Smith:Why not?
Stone:And I think that geology has something common with, you know, the way people think.
Connie Smith:Yeah. It does. It does.
Mike Banker:So Stone does your name your name Stone, does it come from your time as a geology student?
Stone:No. No. My stone comes from my Chinese name.
Mike Banker:Okay. Yeah. I know.
Stone:Yeah. Okay.
Connie Smith:So I didn't advise you sorry. Done. It's Schedule people are wonderful for their willingness to take chances, but they do not always plan carefully enough to ensure success. So careful people may hesitate when faced with new things, but they can learn to take calculated risks. You see, that's the thing.
Stone:I don't calculate.
Connie Smith:Well, but you do by working with what you know. Mhmm. Okay. You're willing to take
Stone:the risk.
Connie Smith:That much. Yeah. Yeah. But you had you had a reason for choosing, say, psychology over geology. You had a reason for doing that.
Connie Smith:Your careful casualness of it made this an easier transition to whatever is new. And, fortunately, you were a believer. Yeah. And you had some direction. But even when you didn't have the direction, you began to build faith by getting a little direction and having that faith grow, and so on and so on.
Connie Smith:But for both sides for both sides can take risks. But it is easier for the casual person to take that real take that risk, but to kind of to make the the, the risk come out okay, they have to take charge and do something. You can't just read out into the college and say, oh, I'm gonna go there.
Mike Banker:It's it's, it's hard for a casual a person that's quite casual, it's hard for them. They need to remember there is risk.
Connie Smith:Yes. Yes.
Mike Banker:Risk less. And, I mean, I I think sometimes for me, that's I don't like for Denise says, hey. You know, when we go to China, where are we gonna live? What are we gonna eat? You know?
Mike Banker:What am I gonna do? How are the kids gonna get schooling? You know, all these really practical things. But but I don't I don't think of the risk, actually.
Connie Smith:Right.
Mike Banker:So that's that's the thing I have to wake up to.
Connie Smith:And by not considering the risk to not only you, but your children, you may bring, hurt to your children.
Mike Banker:Yes. Yeah.
Connie Smith:So fortunately considering that.
Mike Banker:Yeah. Fortunately well, it wasn't just Denise. I mean, I did after the, what's the the joy of the journey, the joy of the idea of the journey has settled down, I can I start thinking about more practical things, but then I have a very practical wife that, that so that's things finally? So yeah. But I don't think in terms of risk initially.
Mike Banker:That's not my thought. Well, that sounds
Michelle:And that was that
Connie Smith:was Richard's. His his was thinking it all the way through. Mhmm. And with me, I was I mean, God did God even led us from a more casual side of things. God never other than the the Ethiopia one, God really never said, go do this.
Connie Smith:He said, this is a goal I've given you, to reach an an unreached people groups and provide for them, language, bible in their own language. Okay. So if you're gonna do that, you're gonna naturally have to know some linguistics and da ba da ba da ba da. He's he's basically led us not by telling us where to go or what to do, but by opening doors of opportunity and then giving peace or no peace to walk through them. We were headed for Papua New Guinea when we went to jungle camp.
Connie Smith:Okay? Along comes uncle Cam, the founder one of the founders of of Wycliffe and the vice president of, Colombia. And they were with us. They came on this visit while we were at advanced camp. They asked for volunteers to feed them while they were there.
Connie Smith:We were all on rations. I we volunteered. Seemed like a good thing to do. Why not? Invite them.
Connie Smith:So they came for a breakfast. I fixed them pancakes, which was on my mud stove with the the as, this a smokes stack was the, a big can of, powdered milk emptied and, cast iron plate over the mud and whatnot. So the simplest thing was to invite them for to to to make pancakes. Well, like I said, our food is rationed, so we had these bags of stuff. And I made these pancakes for these 2 very, very prestigious people to come to our little lean to that Richard had built us in the middle of nowhere.
Connie Smith:And my pancakes bounced. I mean, it was it was very embarrassing situation. Here I had these important people that I was feeding. You couldn't eat the pancakes. Well, what I had done, figured out later, was that I had picked the bag with cornstarch, not the one with flour.
Connie Smith:Okay. So what do you do? Well, you know, you have a good laugh. And I made another batch of pancakes using flour. They ate the pancakes.
Connie Smith:Everybody was satisfied food wise. Afterwards, they 2 of them came back to us and said, now, you know, me being the casual one, Richard's over here chagrined to the death. And, me, you know, it was just a whole stupidly hilarious, error. You know, as you these pancakes up, and you could've played ball with them. Anyway, what these 2 said to us, uncle Cam said, you know, the way you guys reacted this morning to this and Richard was right along helping me.
Connie Smith:I'm not saying that he wasn't, involved, but he would have been chagrined me. I thought it was funny. So, uncle Kam said, you would really make good, pioneers in our work here in that's just opening up in Colombia. Why don't you pray about coming with us? Richard and I looked at each other.
Connie Smith:That's all we did. We didn't stop and pray about it. We just both were in agreement. Yeah. So we said right there.
Connie Smith:Sure. We'll come. Now was that a calling from God? Well, I don't know. I didn't think it was much of a calling, but it was a door of opportunity that he gave us immediate peace for doing.
Connie Smith:That was a very, very casual one. And, but we both managed to be in agreement just by the look, not by calling, but by the peace in God. And we spent those 11 years then in Colombia. Never did get to Papua New Guinea.
Stone:I didn't know it was calling in 2013 until many, many, many, many years later, someone named that experience for me. So that's how I figured out.
Connie Smith:Yeah.
Stone:I just found a thing that I feel I need to do on any cause. I need to do this. There's nothing that could stop me. I want to do this. And I've been liking adventures since I was a kid.
Connie Smith:Alright. Time's up. Alright.
Mike Banker:Do you have homework for us, Connie?
Connie Smith:Yes. I want you to continue with your person of of interest and, get them down on your list and your evidence as to why you put them there. Eventually, we're going to be working with this person, through the rest of the week. Hopefully, I can get through the last continuum, which is the performing with the status given or status earned, set of things. I hope I can get through that tomorrow.
Connie Smith:But Wednesday, the day that I was we were going to start on how to put this all together and so on, Unless I can get some special dispensation, I have a I have to be in court that morning. I don't need to go into all that, but, so Mike is going to take over, and I, so I hope we get that far. But, so the next days, I want you to to make sure that you have paper and pencils or pens or some marking instrument because we're going to be making profiles and manipulating those. You tend it would be a tendency for the person who is left sided to be left sided on all always. The person that's right sided would tend to be right sided on all things.
Connie Smith:Most usually, there is some at some level, you are not following the plan. So what do you do? What does this person look like? And how would you work with them? So that's our goal.
Connie Smith:So tomorrow, the assignment is to to take your person and find out whether they are careful or casual. No. We should have done that one. Right?
Stone:Careful, casual Or casual today.
Mike Banker:We haven't
Connie Smith:done. Yes. That's what you're doing today.
Michelle:Yeah. Mhmm.
Connie Smith:That's the assignment. And tomorrow's assignment will be this, to do the same thing if the status okay. Don't mind me. Okay? Is everybody clear on what the assignment is?
Connie Smith:The assignment is to continue with the person that you've chosen and figure out where they are on the careful casual continuum.
Mike Banker:Okay. Fantastic. Let's see. Maybe somebody could pray for us as we close. Any volunteers?
Connie Smith:I'll do it. Heavenly father, I thank you so much for these sessions, getting to know these dear, dear, dear, dear people. How I'm learning to love each one as I get to know more about them. And thank you that we have a tool here that can be used to expand your kingdom as we relate to people. How we can begin to understand these people that are so different from whom where we are.
Connie Smith:These people that you've told us that we are to love. And once we start with that love, it becomes almost imperative that we begin to understand the person that we love. I thank you for their participation. I thank you for protection during the, this session. And I I pray that those who are who are struggling to attend everything and not always too successfully, I pray that you would help them, find the time to actually listen to the teaching and get up to to par in the understanding of the of these things.
Connie Smith:We know it's an a lot. But I thank you for all that you've done. I thank you for your in their interest. I thank you for their questions, and I pray that you would just give them a blessed time. And may your hand of protection, your hand of blessing be on their heads.
Connie Smith:In Jesus' name. Amen.
Michelle:Amen.
Stone:Thank you, Connie.
Connie Smith:And so, father, we also, pray a closing to this session. Our time is gone, and we pray that you would give us all the rest and the strength, everything that we need between now and our next session, our next time together. And by what we have already learned, might you expand that and give us opportunity to to, use it so it becomes a real tool? But keep us safe, And we do pray once again for Scott, and we do pray for direction as to, for Cindy so that she has peace about whatever decision you have for her. Thank you for caring enough about us that you have allowed us to be together as a team even if it's just for this time.
Connie Smith:In Jesus' name, amen.