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including testimony by Jonathan Haas
5:1 My son, be attentive to my wisdom;
incline your ear to my understanding,
2 that you may keep discretion,
and your lips may guard knowledge.
3 For the lips of a forbidden1 woman drip honey,
and her speech2 is smoother than oil,
4 but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
sharp as a two-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death;
her steps follow the path to3 Sheol;
(ESV)
Redeemer exists to celebrate and declare the gospel of God as we grow in knowing and following Jesus Christ.
Good morning, church family. If I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you, my name is Jonathan, and I've been blessed to work as Redeemer's communications director for the last 2 years. So if something is wrong in your worship God, I'm the one to blame. As a brief overview of my life, I was raised in Saint Louis by incredible, loving Christian parents. In 2006, I moved to Birmingham for college, and while there, I fell in love with a wonderful Christian woman.
Speaker 1:We graduated in 2010, married in 2012, and joined redeemer in 2014. Around then, we be we were, suckered into becoming the deacons of common meal. In 2015, we served for 2 months in Haiti at the Canaan Christian community. In 2017, we had a son, and we also started a home group. And in 2019, we had our second child, a daughter.
Speaker 1:In 2020, right as the pandemic was, shutting everything down, I asked our home group for prayer because there was an open position that I was gonna pursue at Redeemer. And in June of that year, I was blessed to start the position that I hold today. Apologies for me throwing so many dates at you so early in the morning. To be clear, I don't share them with you in the hope that it serves as my resume for why I stand in front of you today. I share them with you because none of those dates act accurately capture the 2 plus years 2 plus decades of my life where I struggled with an unconfessed addiction to pornography.
Speaker 1:I don't remember the exactly when I saw, a pornographic pornographic image for the first time, though I do sadly remember the image vividly. When I was probably 9 or 10, our family got our first computer. Soon after that, I convinced our parents to try out dial dial up Internet. And soon after that, I watched as a nude woman appeared slowly on the screen in front of me in a spam email message. I had no context for what I was seeing, and you can be sure that I didn't tell my parents about it.
Speaker 1:I'm not suggesting that I was an addict from that moment on, but I also don't think that I can overstate just how monumental that moment was in my life. I don't have time this morning to go through the following, decades of my life in great detail. I could talk about how I use pornography as the world's worst encyclopedia, to explore a terrible world of sex. I could talk about how I was really good at hiding, how I was never caught, not even once. I could talk about how I foolishly believed that marriage would fix me.
Speaker 1:I could talk about how one of the first times I realized how deep my psychological struggle with pornography was was, when I was reading, an article about this, a study of gambling addicts. And I realized that, my brain went through the same mental processes that the study subjects described. I could talk endlessly about my wife, The person to whom I have been joined together as one flesh was completely in the dark about my struggle for the first 7 years of our marriage, while at the same time, I knew that the darkness of my sin affected every single aspect of our relationship. And lastly, I could talk all too well about the things that I have seen as a result of my addiction, the things that bring me nothing but sorrow and shame. But like I said, I don't have time for all of that.
Speaker 1:Instead, I want to use my time with you to talk primarily about 2 things. 1st, I want to remind us, especially if you are struggling with sin, to hear that you are not uniquely broken. Your guilt and your shame does not mean that you have to live in darkness apart from a creator that knows you and that loves you and that wants to be reunited with you. There is so much light and life on the other side of confession. Secondly, I believe now more than ever that the best place for true community, confession, and repentance is within the body of Christ, and that our brothers and our sisters need to hear your stories just like you need to hear theirs.
Speaker 1:I'm guessing that at some point in your life, you've, probably heard about listening for God's still small voice, when you're searching for his will in your life. The thing is, in the darkness of my sin and my addiction and my isolation from God, I didn't need to listen that hard. I could hear his voice all the time, actually. I mean, it was right in front of me. First Thessalonians puts it pretty plainly, for you know what instructions we gave you through the through the lord Jesus.
Speaker 1:For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality. I never questioned that my sin was sin. So then why did I go back to it? A few months ago, our church was walking through Romans 7, and in it, Paul laments, for I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing that I hate.
Speaker 1:For I know, that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Rarely has scripture felt so relatable to me. I think part of me wanted to pull myself out of the hole first.
Speaker 1:By 2019, I had been addicted for over 2 decades and married for over 7 years to someone that had no idea what I was struggling with, but I wanted to overcome my struggle on my own before I told her. I think we have a natural tendency to do that as humans, to want to fix our own issues. We don't need someone else. God would be happier with us if we just fixed our own problems before we came to him. Right?
Speaker 1:But brothers and sisters, hear me when I say that God is more interested in a relationship with us than he is in our sin. That lie that I needed to fix myself before I could enjoy a relationship with the father, that was part of what held me back. But Satan doesn't want us to just question our abilities. He wants us to question our very worth. You see, you don't have to go far down the rabbit hole of pornography before you experience shame in a way that you never knew was possible before.
Speaker 1:And at the end of it all, you hate yourself. You hate the person that you've become. And that self hatred actually fuels you to sin, not because you think it's gonna provide respite, but because you think the shame is actually what you deserve. If you're there right now, if you're in the depths of self hatred, I want you to know that I've been there too. And there is light and there is life on the other side of confession.
Speaker 1:By 2019, my life was completely unmanageable. I was so tired of my addiction, but I had nowhere else to run. So on July 26, 2019, almost 3 years ago to the day, after getting our son to bed, I sat my wife down, and I sobbed for 10 minutes straight before I could utter the words, I'm addicted to pornography. I will say it again. There is light, and there is life on the other side of confession.
Speaker 1:I cannot think of another moment in my life where I have felt God's vision for grace, love, and mercy so tangibly. My wife held me, cried with me, and prayed for me. The burden that I had held for decades finally began to lift, and I have never felt more loved by her in my entire life. Instead of anger, there was compassion. Instead of rejection, there was unity.
Speaker 1:I remember remarking to her that night that I had never understood the description of marriage as becoming 1 flesh more. And there's a small but important side note. The burden was lifting from me, but my wife was now bearing her own new weight. Don't wanna present this period of our marriage as all happiness and unity. There was rightfully anger, rightfully sadness, rightfully mourning.
Speaker 1:We still experience and are experiencing and are working through the brokenness that I caused. Her pain in her recovery is just as important as mine, and I hope that she gets an opportunity to share about that someday, which she laughed at so much at the 8 o'clock, that everybody else started laughing. After I told my wife, I confessed to one of my best friends and brothers here from Redeemer Redeemer. I also started going to an Awaken Recovery group, which is a local ministry, for those that are struggling with unwanted sexual behavior. And I started counseling sessions with someone that specializes in sexual brokenness.
Speaker 1:Since then, I've been to over a 100 sessions with my recovery group. I've met dozens of men in our area that struggle with some form of addiction, and God has shown me the beauty of what long periods without temptation looks like. I want to be clear that my road has been far from perfect. My greatest struggle now is probably not the extremes of pornography, but in the small ways where I resign myself to sin. But as one brother that came before me said, finally tasting waters from a clear spring makes the swamp so much less appealing.
Speaker 1:You know, I've come to realize that some of the most powerful words in the world are often me too. I used to think that someone finding out about my addiction would be the end of my life. But after 3 years, one of the things that brings me the most joy is seeing someone I know walk through the doors of our recovery group. With a glance and a nod of a head, we say to each other, oh, you struggle with that? Guess what?
Speaker 1:Me too. You see, I'm convinced that the biggest reason I'm standing before you today is because of how God used other men and other women that were willing to confess their struggles with me first. In short, my testimony is a result of the testimony of others. I've had plenty of people say they were so impressed that I've confessed to my wife, rather than getting caught. I honestly feel really uncomfortable with that compliment.
Speaker 1:But for the grace of god, my story would look very, very different. Another reason I'm uncomfortable is because it doesn't give credit to the people that shared with me first. It doesn't give credit to the redeemer brother that stood where I am today and shared his testimony and struggle with sexual brokenness in front of the church in 2018. I was standing in the welcome room holding a, tray full of barbecue while setting up for common meal, and I just stood there in awe that he was able to share his sin with such freedom. Or the dear brother that shared his addiction with me because he wanted accountability as he entered into marriage.
Speaker 1:I didn't even know what how to respond to him because anything that I shared would have been completely hollow in light of my own inability to confess. It also doesn't give credits to the friend that shared his sorrow sorrows with me one afternoon at mom's basement or the friend that went on a bike ride with me and shared his testimony, which just happened to include his struggle with pornography. You see, our shame convinces us that our sin must be stopped before we can connect with others, but that is a lie. We connect to one another so that we can heal. We often talk about how the body of the church is like a literal body.
Speaker 1:I am a hand, you are a foot, Somebody in here is the appendix. And I love that illustration. I really do. But I believe that we often think about it in light of what we do for others. In other words, what tasks do I need to complete, in order to fulfill my role as the hand?
Speaker 1:But I encourage you to step back and ask yourself how your mere presence and your story allows others to live into their role as a member of the body of Christ. How does your presence in this church family, sharing your story and listening to the stories of others, how does that encourage the man or the woman next to you to live into the beautiful story that God has for their life? I'm honored to share all of this with you today because I'm the one that was hurting, because I'm the one that was being crushed under the weight of my sin, and my guilt, and my shame, because I'm the one that foolishly believed that my life would fall apart if my sin was exposed. But God, through the sacrifice of his son, through his spirit, and through the incredibly patient work of brothers and sisters here in this church, showed me that there is light and there is life on the other side of confession. And even more, God has shown me that our church family is made of brothers and sisters that, like me that need to connect with one another to be healed, to be fully known, and to be fully loved.
Speaker 1:May we give praise to our father who comes to us in our brokenness and offers us life. So that concludes the testimony portion. And Matt has also asked me to do just some practical, suggestions as well. First, if any of this has resonated with you today, please know that, you don't have to walk in your struggle alone. We literally have a care ministry that's dedicated to caring for our church family, and Michael or Kristen would love to hear from you.
Speaker 1:Their contact information is up there on our website and in your worship guides as well. Secondly, if you think that a group might be helpful for you, we would love to get you connected. Awaken is a fantastic community for men or women that struggle with unwanted sexual behavior. And as we mentioned a few months ago, Unbound Grace is an excellent option if you struggle with alcohol. Those are on the screen, worship guides as well.
Speaker 1:And, also, this summer, I was blessed to be a part of the men's study group. And while it was initially just an 8 week class, we've been so encouraged by how the spirit has been working in that group that we're gonna keep it going as the Men's Recovery Collective. It meets every Tuesday evening at 8, and it includes a time of scripture, confession, discussion, and prayer. It's also not just for sexual brokenness, and I would love, to see y'all there. Lastly, I want to say that sexual brokenness and pornography addiction is not something that only men battle.
Speaker 1:To my sisters, if this is your story, you are not alone. You might be tempted to think that you were the only woman who battles this temptation, and that is an outright lie. The same is true for you as it is for our brothers. There is light and there is life on the other side of confession. And while we don't have a women's recovery collective yet, I bet that Crystal, your home group leaders, or a close friend, would love and be blessed to bear your burdens with you.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:I think that puts me at around 5, hearing your story these last couple of months. And I'll I'll just say that, I'm nowhere near tired of hearing it. Jonathan, I think, you described being in awe of another brother sharing a couple years ago. And there's couple hundred people who are in awe of you and Stephanie today. And I know that's not of you.
Speaker 2:I know that both of you know that. It is the grace of God doing its work in your lives, and we are unbelievably grateful. So grateful for the vulnerability and honesty that you guys shared. I know that I joined you guys in praying that the Lord will use it to set a whole lot of us free from guilt and shame. So thank you guys.
Speaker 2:For those of you that I haven't had the chance to meet, my name is Matt Francisco, and I'm the pastor of discipleship here. Last week, if you were here or if you had the opportunity to listen to the podcast, one of our elders, Caleb Chancey, preached a fantastic, really helpful sermon on friendship. And one of the first things that he reminded us was that even in the garden, even before sin had entered the world, the Lord God said, it is not good for man to be alone. As human beings, we are not designed to find the purpose of our lives. We cannot be who we were designed to be without community, without other people.
Speaker 2:What this means for us this morning, is that your desire and mine to be known, to be loved, to have intimacy, these are God given gifts. We know that the book of James tells us that every good and perfect gift is from above coming down from the father of lights, which means that your sexuality is a gift. God gave it to you for your joy. But just like every good gift under the sun, your sexuality and mine have been impacted by the fall. So that we need God's Holy Spirit.
Speaker 2:We need God's community, and we need God's wisdom from God's word to rightly receive and enjoy this precious gift, so that we will not exchange the truth about God for a lie, and worship and serve the creation rather than the creator. This summer, if you've been following along with us at all, know we've been walking through the book of Proverbs, which is one of the Bible's, books of wisdom literature. Why that's important is that these proverbs are not meant to be read as though each one were a promise or a law in itself. Proverbs instead focuses on the consequences, which means that no one proverb is meant to tell you all that you need to know about any particular subject, which is why we've been studying them thematically. Trying to see what the whole book says about a whole subject, So that together, we might better understand what it means to faithfully follow God in a fallen world.
Speaker 2:There's a great deal, that the book of Proverbs has to say about sex and relationships. A whole lot more than we could try to adequately cover in 1 Sunday. Thank you, Joel. But more than anything, if you miss everything else, I want to reiterate the words that Jonathan said. And I want you to know that there is light and life on the other side of confession, that there is hope for the sexually broken.
Speaker 2:Because the good news this morning is that the gospel of Jesus Christ is for the broken, and we are all broken. And there's not a single one of us that is somehow so uniquely broken, as Jonathan shared, that you're beyond the healing hand of God's grace, as if His arm were somehow too short to save, or that His mercies would somehow come to an end just before they make their way to your heart. And I know that most of you, if you are Christians in this room, that you know that intellectually. But I'm willing to bet that experientially, if you have walked into any sexual sin, there's something about sexual sin that makes it harder for us to really believe and own those truths. To really believe that God loves us more than just tolerates us, or that maybe God loves us like a parent, but he's totally ashamed of us.
Speaker 2:But the reality of the gospel is that God rejoices over you. Like a groom rejoices over his bride on a wedding day without any reservation whatsoever. Our hope this morning as we talk about sex, relationships, and sexuality, is the same as our hope every morning. That the gospel is impossibly good news, that it is true, and that it changes absolutely everything. So one more quick word before we dive into our Proverbs this morning.
Speaker 2:You You need to know that Proverbs was written from the perspective of a father to his son. We're gonna hear several references to the forbidden woman, but but I want you to hear 2 very important things. 1st, all of God's word is for all of you. The context is a father to a son, but if that doesn't apply to you, just think when you read about the forbidden woman, anyone with whom you have not exchanged lifelong covenant promises before God. 2nd, as Aaron and I often tell our kids, you cannot control what other people do, only how you respond.
Speaker 2:So as you hear these father's words of warning to his son, it would be a tragic misunderstanding to hear his warnings as somehow blaming this woman for any decisions that his son might make. Everyone is responsible for their own sin, and no one can make you sin. But I also want you to hear me say that every sinner is a sin against sinner, deserving of our deep love and compassion just as God in Christ has had compassion upon us. So with that in mind, let us turn our attention to Proverbs, chapter 5, verses 1 through 5 And listen closely for these are the words of the lord. My son, be attentive to my wisdom.
Speaker 2:Incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion and your lips may guard knowledge. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a 2 edged sword. Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to shield.
Speaker 2:This is the word of the Lord.
Speaker 1:Thanks be to God.
Speaker 2:Let's pray. Father, we are here this morning to hear from you. And more than anything, your name and your renown are the desires of our hearts. No one here is here to hear from me because the best thing that I can do is offer advice. But we, instead, we come this morning like Simon Peter, declaring before Jesus, Lord, where else would we go because you have the words of eternal life?
Speaker 2:So, Lord, take your word and by your spirit, give us life this morning. Renew our hearts. Renew our minds. May we set our hope afresh on the good news of the gospel. May you set us free from guilt and shame and sin, that we might walk in the light and in joy and in peace with you and one another.
Speaker 2:Pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen. I spent a fair amount of time camping growing up, and so one of Aaron and I's great desires was to instill a love of the outdoors in our kids. So I've probably spent more time than is reasonable for any human being, trying to teach a 5 year old how to set up a tent, or instructing a 3 year old in the proper way to hold a hatchet or an ax. You're not as shocked by that as you should be.
Speaker 2:Or most importantly for me, how to set up, build, and keep a fire. Fire is an amazing thing. It's beautiful. It's powerful. It transforms everything that it touches, and even being close to a fire, will take a very mediocre piece of Hershey's chocolate, a s'mores.
Speaker 2:Right? The s'more. And my kids, they're a little bit interested in the fire. They've increasingly become more interested in the fire, but they were mostly interested at first in how do we get to the s'more. When I was a senior in high school, I went on a camping trip with some friends, and 1 by 1, everybody went to bed until it was just me and one other guy standing outside the campfire.
Speaker 2:And my buddy had this bright idea. He had his empty water bottle and he went to go fill it up with lighter fluid. As you can probably imagine, there's only one way that this story ends. So my buddy, Judson, it was always Judson, Judson starts squirting lighter fluid into the fire, seeing how close it can get to the lip of the bottle before he stops. Believe it or not, it made it all the way back up to the bottle.
Speaker 2:And Judson drops the bottle. He kicks it as hard as he can. It goes straight into the fire, hits a log, and sprays me with flaming lighter fluid. Yes.
Speaker 1:And if
Speaker 2:you're wondering whether or not your elementary school training will do you any good, it did at least for me. I stopped. I dropped, and I rolled, and the crisis was averted. So let me ask you a question this morning. Is fire good?
Speaker 2:Fire is beautiful. It's powerful. It transforms everything it touches. But whether fire is good depends entirely on where it is and whether it belongs there. How that fire is used.
Speaker 2:So let me ask you, Is sex good? The Bible has absolutely no problem whatsoever celebrating the fantastic gift of sex. Sex is beautiful, it's powerful, and it transforms everything it touches, But whether or not it's good depends on where it occurs, which is why we so desperately need God's wisdom to rightly hold and enjoy its beauty and its power. As Caleb reminded us last week, Proverbs teaches us that wisdom often comes through experience, but our own experiences are limited and skewed. So if we don't look to God's word for wisdom, if we don't look to others for wisdom, and if we're not wise about who we listen to for wisdom, according to Proverbs, we are fools.
Speaker 2:And one of our culture's dominant narratives is that our sexuality is fundamental to our identity, so that you are most fully you whenever you are expressing outwardly, however you feel inwardly sexually, And that your unhindered freedom to express yourself sexually is one of the most important rights that you have as a human being. Our culture cares about sex a whole, whole lot. It's in almost every song that you hear, almost every TV show and movie. I mean, we even have ads about sex for terrible fast food bur burgers. But as c s Lewis once wrote, you can get a large audience together to watch a girl undress on the stage, But suppose you came to a country where you could fill up a theater by simply bringing a covered plate onto the stage, and then slowly lifting the cover, so as to let everyone see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon.
Speaker 2:Would you not think that in that country, something had gone wrong with the appetite for food? Something has gone wrong with our appetite for sex, and intimacy, and love. And once again, contrary to popular opinion, the bible has no problem celebrating sex and sexuality. But it also establishes clear boundaries around this beautiful, powerful, and transformative gift. The Bible says clearly that sexual intimacy of any kind is reserved for those who have covenanted before God and to one another, to be with one another and for one another, for richer, for poor, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part.
Speaker 2:That God's design is for 1 man with 1 woman for one life. My assumption is that if you were here this morning, that you probably are aware that that's what the Bible teaches. But I know that there are some of you here this morning who need me or need to hear me say very, very clearly that what the Bible has to say about sex and sexuality, it matters. It matters a whole, whole lot. Let's look again at Proverbs 5, beginning in verse 3.
Speaker 2:For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a 2 edged sword. Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to shield. See, Proverbs teaches us that sex, like honey, it brings delight and pleasure.
Speaker 2:But delight and pleasure are not the only factors factors that we need to consider in making a decision. Proverbs is asking you to pull off to the side of the road, to take one last look at your map, to see if the direction that you are heading in is where you actually want to go. Because according to Proverbs, all sexual expression and intimacy outside of the covenant of marriage shares the same destination. Look again at these words. In the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a 2 edged sword.
Speaker 2:Her feet go down to death. Proverbs 72223. All at once, he follows her as an ox goes to the slaughter or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver. As a bird rushes into a snare, he does not know that it will cost him his life. Proverbs 91718 says, stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.
Speaker 2:But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol. As far as I can tell from scripture, every other temptation that we face, we are meant to fight. But 1st Corinthians 6 18 calls us to flee from sexual immorality. Proverbs 5:8 says, keep your way far from her and do not go near the door of her house. Why?
Speaker 2:Because it is not bravery to see how long you can hold your head in a lion's mouth. It is foolishness. Proverbs 627. Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Maybe for a little while, but that's it.
Speaker 2:Definitely not forever. And I've met with a number of people over the years who know what the Bible has to say about sex, but maybe they've relativized it when it comes to their own relationships. I've been there too. People who've said, I I don't understand what the big deal is. This isn't really hurting anyone else.
Speaker 2:Or, yes. But if you knew how much we really loved one another, or we love one another and we're committed to one another and we're going to get married And I don't wanna overstate my case here, but the question is really this, just like it is for any other sin, who gets to decide? Who is really in charge? Who is ruling your life? You see, any moment that we look at what scripture says and we say, yes.
Speaker 2:I hear you, God. But you can have all these other areas of my life, but this is mine. We lose everything. Because the moment we start to pick and choose for our own self what is right and wrong and what is best for us, once God's word is no longer a true authority over us, One that can contradict our own desires, but instead becomes a resource that we consider in light of our own desires or what other people think. We may say that we worship Jesus.
Speaker 2:We may pray to a God whose name is Jesus. But who is in fact not Jesus, just us. Any time that we decide, we ought to be the ones who decide. We are following in the path of Adam and Eve in rebellion against God. And as Proverbs 14:12 teaches us, there is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.
Speaker 2:You see, whether it is sex, or a career, or money, or comfort, or any other thing under the sun, You and I have each fallen for a lie that the grass is somehow greener. That the joy and the fulfillment that we're longing that we've been aching for our whole lives could be ours if we would be just willing to step out of God's design. And I need you to know that this is the same lie that the serpent whispered in the garden. I know what God said, but you can't trust him because he doesn't actually have your best in mind. Your god is holding out on you.
Speaker 2:If you wanna get what you're really after, you can't listen to him because he is not good. And it's when Satan succeeds in making God look ugly that sin begins to look really attractive. And I need you to hear me say something incredibly clearly this morning. There is no one and nothing in the universe that is more after your joy than God is after your joy. Your God loves you so very much, more than you could ever imagine.
Speaker 2:And he did not put parameters around sex and sexuality for any other reason than the fact that he created you. And then he created sex so he knows best what it is for and where it belongs and how it should be enjoyed. He has established clear boundaries around this beautiful, powerful, and transformative gift for our joy and not for our sorrow, for our good and not for our harm. I'm also very aware that's not the only group of people that I need to be addressing this morning. I know that there are many of you, whoever since Jonathan started sharing, have been sitting quietly in despair, probably just hoping that you can make it through lunch without someone asking you what you thought about his testimony or the sermon.
Speaker 2:There are those of you who have come in this morning and you are overwhelmed with a weight of guilt and shame. And I need you to know in Christ, this is a guilt and shame that you are not meant to carry. And I know that there are some of you who are carrying a weight of guilt and shame. I didn't think this could happen to me 3 times. There's some of you who are carrying a weight of guilt and shame because you've been horrifically sinned against.
Speaker 2:And I just wish that there were words that any of us could say to let you know how sorry we are, how much we hate that for you, how that should not be, how there's no question that you could not possibly have done anything to deserve it because no one ever deserves that. We desperately want and long for this church to be a place of hope and of healing where you can be known and loved without fear. We want you to know that your god knows your hurt, that he sees your sorrow, and that your tenderhearted savior, he longs more than anything to draw near to you and so do we. And I know that there are some of you here this morning, my brothers and sisters, who carry a weight of guilt and shame, because you come into this place and you're attracted to people of the same sex or you're wrestling with questions about gender and identity, and I want you to know too that this is a weight of guilt and shame that you are not meant to bear. Let me say without reservation that we are so unbelievably glad that you are here.
Speaker 2:That you are welcome and we love you and we want to know you. We call it a privilege to name you as our brothers and sisters. I wish I could tell you the number of members that I've met with over the years and how incredibly grateful I may am anytime a brother or sister is willing to be bold enough to let me share in that piece of their story. Because far too often, the church has failed to love you, our brothers, and our sisters well, and I'm sorry. And I pray for you as well that our church would be a place of hope and healing and safety for you, where you too can be known and loved without fear.
Speaker 2:And I want you to hear that your God knows and that he sees and that he longs to draw nearer to you and so do we. And I want you to know too that we have hope. There is hope, but our hope doesn't lie in normative heterosexuality. Our hope lies in the gospel. Our hope lies in gospel making us holy and in the gospel making us family.
Speaker 2:We want you to know too that if the Lord calls you into a life of singleness, that Paul didn't seem to treat singleness as a consolation prize and neither did Jesus. Instead, Instead, let us lean in to welcome one another as God in Christ has welcomed us as brothers and sisters as the family of God. And I know that there are some of you, my dear brothers and sisters, who have come into this place carrying a weight of guilt and shame, a weight of guilt and shame that you are meant not meant to carry from your past, or your present sexual failures or pornography use. And maybe the enemy has convinced you that you are somehow damaged goods. That whatever God's best was for you, either in relationship or mission, that is lost and gone forever.
Speaker 2:And that is a lie straight from the pit of hell. Maybe the enemy has convinced you that since you've already walked down this road, there's no real going back so you might as well keep walking down it. That you're nothing but a failure who's just gonna screw up whether sooner or later, and that god's love for you is now tempered by the weight of your failures. That is a lie. There is nothing that could be further from the truth.
Speaker 2:The hope of the gospel is that, as Ray Ortland has written, God's love for you is too great to be limited by what you deserve. God gives his best to those who deserve his worst. And guess what, my friends? That's all of us. God has never been surprised by your brokenness or mine.
Speaker 2:God knows the end from the beginning. Before a word is on your lips or mine, he knows it completely. And before he even founded the world, he knew each and every sin that we would commit. And he set his affection so firmly, so securely upon you in Christ that he could say in Romans 8 that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor your past sins, nor your present sins, nor your future sins, or any one of your sexual failures could in any way separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus. And if that is not good news, then we have no hope.
Speaker 2:But that is our hope. That there is no height or breadth or length or depth to God's boundless love for you in Christ. So one of my favorite movies of all time is Good Will Hunting. And if you don't know it, you've never seen it, you've had 25 years. That's on you.
Speaker 2:So, Matt Damon, he plays Will Hunting and he's a a self taught math genius, who spends his days as a janitor at MIT. And nobody can really figure out why. So there's this guy who's trying to give him a leg up in life, and instead of taking it, Will sabotages his efforts at every single turn. So he sabotages his own relationship because he gets fearful whenever somebody gets too close. Every job interview, he finds a way to sabotage and make Ben Affleck a little bit more money, just like Matt Damon has continued to do for the rest of their careers.
Speaker 2:He sabotages every therapist that he meets with, until he meets his match in Sean Maguire, played by Robin Williams. And Sean is incredibly patient and kind with Will. And over the course of many months and many sessions, he shows Will that his love and affection for him isn't conditional. He's there because he wants to be. And there's this pivotal moment where Sean, he he's got Will's file, which is full of Will's history.
Speaker 2:The trauma that he experienced as a child. The abuse that he received, as well as all of his failures and all of his convictions. And he comes up to Will and he says, well, I I may not know much, but I know this. That that this, it's not your fault. Will is the smartest guy in the movie.
Speaker 2:He's read every book that there is to read. He looks at Sean and he says, yeah. I mean, I know. And Sean says, no. Look at me.
Speaker 2:It's not your fault. And Will says, I know. Sean says, no. You don't. It's not your fault.
Speaker 2:And he keeps coming closer and closer to him, repeating those same words over and over. And Will, first, gets annoyed, then he gets incredibly angry, and he shoves Sean off. And he says, not you too. Not you too. Not you, Sean.
Speaker 2:And Sean keeps coming forward saying, it's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. Until there's this moment where Will breaks down, and he just starts weeping. And he just says, oh my.
Speaker 2:Oh my. And Sean grabs hold of him. And he hugs him, and they weep together because what Will had always known intellectually had never made its way into his heart. And what I want you to hear this morning, my brothers and sisters, in light of our own sexual brokenness, is not that it's not your fault because that's not where our hope lies. But that our god holds our rap sheet in his hands, and he nails it to Jesus' on the cross, and he looks you in the eyes, and he says, there is no condemnation for you.
Speaker 2:There is no condemnation for you. No matter what your story, no matter what your shame, no matter what your guilt, there is absolutely no guilt or condemnation left for you. Whatever it is that you are ashamed of, whatever it is that you hope and pray that no one ever else finds out about you, whatever it is that you don't want anybody else to see, I've already seen it. I know it. You can't hide anything from me.
Speaker 2:And instead of being ashamed of you, nobody loves you more than I do. Nobody longs to be closer to you than I do. I was willing to die that I might name you as my bride. I long to draw even nearer to you, And I want you to know brothers and sisters, that as the church, so do we. No matter what lie the enemy might try to use to convince you otherwise, no matter what you may think or how painful it might be at the outset, remember what Jonathan shared with us, that there is light and there is life on the other side of confession.
Speaker 2:The confession only leads to freedom and joy. Proverbs 2813 says, whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses them and forsakes them will obtain mercy. Why is that true? Because every single opportunity to confess your sin, or your guilt, or your shame is a chance to remember and rejoice afresh in the possibly good news of the gospel. That you could not have been pursued any more than your God pursues you.
Speaker 2:That you could not be known any more than your God knows you. That you could not be loved any more than you are loved by the God who gave his life that you might have intimacy with him forever. But not just with him, because God gave his life in Christ. That we would not only be united to him, but that in him, we might be united to one another. That we were created and redeemed, that we might be known and loved and have intimacy with one another as the redeemed family of God.
Speaker 2:That our hope, our healing, and our holiness, they've always been meant to be group projects. One final word this morning, because I don't want any of you to misunderstand me. That your hope doesn't lie. That's not the way I wanna say that. The measure of your faith this morning is not that you walk out of here and that you never sin sexually again.
Speaker 2:What do you do the morning after? What do you do the morning after? Sanctification in this life, it's always more about direction than it is perfection. The Bible doesn't make any promises that we'll be fully set free from any sin until we see Jesus face to face and know him, even as we're known. But we are not fighting for victory brothers and sisters.
Speaker 2:We are fighting from it, And we get to do this together. So when you are tempted to wonder, is it enough? Have I actually been sorrowful long enough and sad enough about this sin that God will forgive me? Is it enough? I mean, I know God's grace covers all of these other people's sins, but can he really cover mine?
Speaker 2:Or I know I've been walking through year after year of falling into the same traps. Can God really set me free from this? Is it enough? Here Jesus say from the cross, it is enough because it is finished. There is no payment left to be made.
Speaker 2:There is nothing more that you could do to move the needle of God's affection for you one degree, more or less? And hear these words from 1st Corinthians chapter 6. Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkers, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Speaker 2:And here's our hope. And such were some of you, But you were washed. You were sanctified. You were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the spirit of God. If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.
Speaker 2:The old is gone and passed away, and behold, the new has come. Amen? As the band makes their way, on up here, I I wanna invite you for just a few minutes to pray and come before the Lord. In light of the hope that you've heard this morning, I hope you feel free to be a sinner in need of a savior. And trust that Jesus' arms are open wide, and that in those arms, he holds 10,000 charms.
Speaker 2:That His grace is enough for you and for me, and that His well of mercy will never run dry.