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With a variety of shows, Legion Podcasts brings you discussion on the worlds of horror, film and video games from an assortment of perspectives.
And welcome to the 460th consecutive week of Cinema PsyOps.
I'm your host, Cort, the guy who's coming to you live with a hemp-derived, synthesized, strain-specific high that strain's name could also be used to describe the finances of my co-host, Matt.
Whoa, dog shit?
Train wreck.
Is that you smoking dog shit, man?
It's like Labrador, man, my dog ate it.
You mean we're smoking dog shit, man?
My dog ate my stash, man.
I had to follow him around with a dog, with a baggie for like a week.
No, it's train wreck.
It's a sativa leaning kind of blend.
It's synthetic because the hemp drive stuff, it doesn't work like the regular things, but they can kind of assimilate it a little bit with like the turpins and all of that, depending upon whether or not you believe in that chemistry and that science.
I mean, yeah, science.
Who believes in that shit?
Well, turpins are a very real thing.
It's like, I'm probably not pronouncing that right, but it's like the essential oils and chemicals and things that are natively within a plant that give it a specific aroma or scent or whatever.
The part that might be a little woo-woo is some folks believe that the various turpins that are available in a various strain of a marijuana plant may affect the effects of it.
And that's where you get like the differences in strains is really the turpins.
Well, that's the belief.
Well, I'm one of the people that happens to believe that because the very strain-specific effects, you can basically synthesize by replicating those turpins.
There we go, everybody, that's weed science.
Hey, all right, look at that.
Now you all learn something today.
Get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, and I'm going for a more sativa-layered kind of thing because we're going to have to bring some fucking energy because the films, oh, man, we talked about it last week, the films this two-week set.
Yeah, you're specifically, man, a lot of fucking...
Mine was a little raunchy, wasn't it?
Well, yeah, okay.
A little grimy.
Yeah, we should warn people the first 10 minutes features a rape scene that is absolutely fucking detestable.
It is every bit as fucking gross as what you would have seen in the raunchiest of Spaghetti Westerns and knockoffs of Spaghetti Westerns.
That's fair to say, right, Matt?
Yeah.
Okay, after that, the film is pretty much boring as fuck for a lot of the runtime.
Like, there's a lot of goddamn padding.
So I'm smoking the sativa this week, like I did last week, to try and keep me going, you know?
Try to get going, man.
Right, and it's legally derived hemp versions of that.
So it's not quite as like tweaking my anxiety as when I'm in a legal state or a place that is legal like Canada to be able to buy the actual good stuff.
Cause that sativa strong kicks my fucking ass and tweaks my anxiety.
Like.
I get that, yeah.
But it helps me sleep at night, but if I hit too heavy, then I'm sitting there just fucking out of it.
Well, there's a difference though, cause if you hit an indica too heavy, you're gonna definitely go under.
Cause that's a little bit different.
It's not much, like it doesn't go as cerebral.
And again, this is all stuff that people probably don't believe in or want to hear about, but you know what, we gotta pad the episode somehow because.
Yeah, well listen, they had to pad the movie, so we better pad the episodes.
Right, yeah.
So Jesse's Girls this week, 1975.
I kind of already bitched about it a little bit.
There's some moments in the film that I'll have some nice things to say about it, but this is Adamson taking a step back.
This feels kind of like one of his movies that he did earlier and then just finally did something to be able to release it.
It's not, the patchwork is kind of over, right?
We're not, at least the last two weeks, it's not been patchwork.
It's been like working from a straight script and feeling pretty straightforward in that way.
Yeah, exactly.
This felt a little bit, I mean, this doesn't feel as much as patchwork.
This feels a lot more like this is a purposely shot film, not just we took pieces of stuff and added it.
Right, and again, it may not really deliver on that promise oh-so-well, but I'm just kind of talking around the point and belagering the point because there is no real point.
There's no point to any of this.
The only point to any of this is we need to get through year nine so that we can do the triumphant lap of year 10 and then stop doing the constant weekly releases and trying to keep up the streak.
Yeah, just get to 10 straight years.
Yeah, 10 straight years of doing a streak.
If we can make that happen, I'll be more than happy to stop, much rather that that happened than we just all of a sudden break the streak because something bad happens to one of us.
Yeah, right.
I mean, the way this world's going, that would be, I'm just saying.
Well, and also, you and I are not any younger.
It's been 10 fucking years.
Us trying to hit like 800 streak, like an 800 episode streak, or even what I initially was going to do is we were going to do 666 and just fucking end.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I told you that a long time ago, and I'm telling the audience.
Yeah, a long time ago, you were like, when we get there.
Yeah.
I was like, when we get to 666, we're just going to fucking stop.
We're just going to disappear.
Yeah.
We're just going to be done.
And I changed my mind on that, and the reason that I changed my mind on that is, I'm still having fun doing the show, but we're going to do what we've always done.
We're going to change the show.
We're going to change the format of the show and the way that it works, so that we can continue to have fun with it.
Because, I mean, you and I are tired of the monotony, and we've both committed to, we're going to give it a go, because 10's a nice number to hit.
A 10-year streak is a nice way to rest.
You rest on laurels after that.
Yeah, 520-episode streak, because I know some years have 53 weeks, but most years only have 52.
And that's how I've been judging the fiscal year of CinemaPsyOps.
52 episodes of consecutive weeks is basically our year.
And we're going to hit 520 at the end of 10 years.
And that is a solid streak that I can be proud of if we're able to achieve it.
I'm already proud of what we've done.
For fuck's sake, we've hit 460 weeks of our goddamn lives that we have put in the work to make sure that we have gotten consecutive releases.
Yeah, I might have fudged it a little bit, and I might have done some bonus episode releases and stuff.
But still, we've kept the content alive for 460 consecutive weeks thus far.
Right?
Yeah, we should be pretty fucking proud of ourselves.
Now, what I'm talking about here, we're not ending the show, obviously.
We're just ending the constantly trying to hit the streaks.
And I haven't really started talking to you about it, but I've been playing with the idea of the concept of what a season is going to look like.
And I've been enjoying these, like, let's just do deep dives into a box set kind of runs, or let's do these film series runs.
We have fun doing those, so essentially we're not going to fully transform into a full franchise fest, but if we have a franchise that you and I decide we want to cover, we're going to go all in on it, we're going to do it all, we're going to do it as a streak, and that's going to be a season.
And when I say a streak, we're going to record it to be able to release it as a streak.
So let's say we're doing a series that's 10 films, right?
That season will be 10 films, that will be that series, and then we'll take a short break, and then we'll come back with another season or another thing to cover.
Let's say we're doing a series of 60 films, right?
Well, that's probably going to be broken up into three seasons of 20 or something like that.
Like, logically speaking, it's going to flow with the number of movies that we're going to be covering in that planned series or whatever it's going to be.
If we do themes where it's like we pair 10 movies together or something, I'm going to try and keep it in like divisions of 10 in some way, shape or form, unless the film series obviously is going to go above or slightly below that.
So that's kind of the plan, is we're going to go around 10 for a season, but we'll have multiple seasons a year.
Still, it just we're not going to bust our fucking balls to do it every single week.
Agreed.
And by we, I mean me, because I'm really busting my balls, and you're busting your balls every other week.
Yeah, yeah.
It's also true.
Right.
And I mean, with the way that your time is so short anyway, the time that you have to put in the show, because I don't know if people realize that, like, for every content that we produce, for the hour of content that we produce, you're watching anywhere from, I don't know, an hour and 40-ish to two hours max movie, sometimes a little bit longer.
You're going to have to watch that in steps to pause it, to take notes.
So that takes almost twice as long.
So you're putting in four hours just for notes.
If you need to get a time, so then you're going back and rewatching the same scene three times.
Right.
Yeah.
And it takes anywhere from two to four times as long as it would to just watch the movie.
Right?
Because you're doing all that shit.
And then on top of it, you got to do all the prep work that I do with leveling all of the audio for the clips and everything.
You do a minimum amount of that now because I've taken some of that back on to alleviate your time lost and all of that.
And that's a like, you know, we're talking for a hobby that's like 10 hours a piece, not counting all the episode fucking editing that I've got to do and all that other stuff on top of it.
You and I are hitting 10 hours just to get to this point where we can record for two.
Exactly.
Yeah, it's a lot, man.
Yeah, and it's not that I don't enjoy that work.
It's just that every now and then, I'd like to take a fucking break.
Right, it's just, it's a fucking lot, dude.
Right, and I mean, yeah, I feel guilty that we're ending the streak, but at the same time, I feel like I've more than justified it and also padded out the front end of this episode that it doesn't matter how short it's gonna be.
Yeah, exactly.
All right, so Matt already made the fucking joke.
You'll hear it in the clips.
Yes, we did make a Jessie's Girls reference.
That's already happened.
Yes.
You'll hear it later.
But what you're gonna hear right now is the Legion Patrion ad, and then immediately following that on the pirate radio edit, what we've been doing all along, songs from 1975, the year that this film was released.
Up first is Electric Light Orchestra, and the theme kind of fits because the song is Evil Woman right after this.
This'll keep you quiet.
Oh, hi there.
I didn't see you.
You call me cutting a new show.
I'm Bo Ransdell, and I'm one of the many creators you can find on Legion Podcasts.
I said quiet!
My fellow podcasters and I work hard to bring you the best in horror podcasting, but that comes at a cost.
Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?
Not that, but also, yes.
No, what I'm getting at is that there are server costs, costs for good microphones and software for editing, all the things that make our shows, you know, fun to listen to.
And you can help.
If you're enjoying the shows on legionpodcasts.com or in the Legion Network available on iTunes and Stitcher, just about anywhere you can download a podcast, really, you can help us out and get a little something for your trouble at patreon.com forward slash legionpodcasts.
For just two bucks a month, you get a pair of movie commentaries exclusive to Patreon, and for five dollars, you can also join us for a monthly screening of a movie.
All of that available on patreon.com/LegionPodcasts
We appreciate it, and thank you for listening.
Now, back to the cutting room.
All right, everybody, I know you were fucking grooving to that.
You don't have to admit it, but I know you were.
Thank you, Matt, for admitting it.
Yeah.
Now, the question is, wait, if this is the type of story that Court and Matt were describing, how exactly is the woman the evil person in this?
Well, there's more than one woman, so we'll let you decide which one is evil if the story unfolds.
Let you decide who's evil, or if it's circumstances, or I don't know.
Some other third thing.
And also, it's Jessie's Girl from 1975.
Let's get going.
All right, Jessie's Girl, the first 20.
Ah, we see some horse riding in the Old West.
Hope you like that, folks.
You'll see it a lot.
Yeah.
And then a couple's looking to settle.
There's dialogue.
That's our first clip.
A tiny wood, fresh water nearby.
The Lord has been generous to us, Seth.
That he has, Jessica.
That he has.
Still a long way from Utah, though.
We'll do just fine.
God will provide.
Got so much life in you.
And love.
Let's get a fire going here, Seth Hart.
Well, we can't depend upon the Lord for everything.
You can't depend upon a non-existent thing for anything.
So anyway, then she pays and some balls.
So that's a thank you movie.
That is completely a thank you movie because that got me really worked up watching that scene.
Yeah.
Then they frolic by a fire that he made.
But then, of course, the bad times come in.
They get jumped by a bunch of dudes.
Her husband's tied up, and this leads to our next clip.
Oh, man.
$55.
Ah, damn.
Frank, we could sell the horses.
Time for splitting up what we got right now.
You are, huh?
Frank Brock decides when we split up.
Nobody else.
Hey, Brock, that bank was plenty loaded.
Yeah, let's divvy up now.
That's what I say.
We got it right, Frank.
What about you, slime?
Along with you, Frank.
You got a nerve, Mormon.
Coming down here to this country without any money?
55, lousy dog.
Please, we have nothing.
Yeah, that's true.
I'm gonna take the only thing of value you got, creature.
Gross.
Yep, and so they gang rape her.
And then as they are leaving, they shoot them both, killing him, wounding her.
You think she's dead, but you see her arm twitch.
She crawls down to the water.
Then she digs out the bullet that's in her shoulder, buries her dude, and she walks.
And she walks a lot, and she keeps walking, and there's more walking.
Hey guys, you like walking?
Cause you get it.
I tried to clock the amount of time that I think the walking scene took.
I think it was roughly about as long as the longest version of Indigada De Vita by Iron Butterfly you have ever heard.
It was about that much screen time.
Or at least it felt like that.
That was a lot of walking.
Anyway, she finds a small shack, and the man who lives there finds her, and that leads to our next clip.
What are you doing here, gal?
Really a woman under all that stuff?
I ain't been out here that long, have I?
Who sent you here?
To tell you about my strike, did they?
Well, they lied.
I ain't done no good since I come out here.
Lied, that's all.
Not with your tongue.
You, uh, touched?
You been out here long?
Yeah, me too.
I'm alive.
I'm still alive.
Stayed in Tombstone, I'd be dead by now.
Stone dead, no doubt about it.
You damn fool.
You got the hatin pretty powerful, ain't you?
Yeah, I know the feelin.
Go ahead and eat.
I don't eat much anymore.
All right, then we cut to another woman who sees her own wanted poster, and she tears it up, but the marshal captures her.
Then we're back to the guy in the shack.
He's cleaning his revolver, and this leads to our next clip.
Will you teach me to shoot?
Well, if you'll change your shirt, you're beginning to smell like me.
What you wantin to know for, gal?
Now, varmints sometimes shoot back.
They killed my husband.
They tried to kill me, too.
Who killed him?
Animals.
I'll kill them.
If we last one of them.
You make every shot count.
Learn to use the sun.
Circle around when you can.
Try to get the other fella face in the blazing sun.
You're gonna need every edge you can get.
All right, now you try.
All right, well, then, they do some target practicing, and that's the end of that 20 minutes, the opening 20.
So as we said, not a lot.
Yeah, the sequence of-
This is kind of what it is, folks.
The sequence of her walking that lasts approximately as long as the longest version of Indigata De Vita recorded by Iron Butterfly that you have ever heard, is the bulk of that 20 minutes.
Like, the first 10 is more or less like the setup, and then the rape scene is done in the first 10 minutes.
And thankfully, that doesn't last very long, although the parts they did decide to show are really fucking grotesque, where they're basically just cheering each other on to get started with it.
And then they leave you with the aftermath part where she is just traumatized and laying there and not even, like, just so dissociative.
And it's pretty grotesque as well.
We need to state that, even though I know that's not comfortable material to talk about, and you went over it, but that's kind of the only thing I really need to add.
And then again, there is so much time spent on walking and riding horses in this.
It's not even really a Western.
It's more or less, do you like watching people walk and ride horses?
Because that is what you get.
And I don't know how we're going to really talk about this film and just skip over that.
Because what are you also going to say other than they ride their horse to the next location?
Yeah.
I mean, this is pretty much what we have to talk about, folks.
Let's move on then.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
I mean, might as well, yeah.
Jesus Christ.
All right, next 20.
We now cut to a lady of the night.
She's getting dressed after, you know, bedding the dude down so hard he fell asleep.
And then she decides to take the rest of his cash.
He wakes up pissed, but she fires a few shots at him before the marshal shows up and takes her away.
We're back to training shooting again.
And that is our next clip.
This is Judy.
Judy is my equalizer.
Nice thing to have in a pinch.
Don't shoot at nothing you're expecting to pick up afterwards.
Judy just leaves bits and pieces.
Kicks like hell.
Nothing like she kicks on the other end.
First law of nature.
You gotta have the will.
That's the thing.
There, try that rabbit.
Good as deer meat.
And a hell of a lot better than rattlesnake.
Everything out here a man could want for a living.
Except in a woman, that is.
Look at here, honey.
There's five of them, and there's just one of you.
Now that's crazy.
You can't afford to hate that much.
They'll pay with their lives, just like Seth did.
You know, since the war, the world's full of hating people.
North, South makes no difference.
White men, red men, all got a reason.
That's why I'm out here.
Too many amateurs running around shooting guns.
People like you, world ain't safe.
But you're getting better.
All right, so there's more shooting, and now she's hitting all the targets now.
So she's got this pretty down pretty well.
Time lapse instead of montage is basically.
Exactly.
She has memories and trauma from the attack that we see.
Then we cut to a gang, and they just robbed a place and they're fleeing.
They're running away, but they leave their lady behind, and she is caught by the marshal.
She's thrown in jail, and that leads to our next clip.
Better get acquainted, girls.
It's a long trip to the territorial prison.
This is your best horse.
You're gonna be needing a good one.
Now remember, you camp away from the regular trails and watch out for everybody.
Don't trust no one, and make sure before you shoot, you pack your shelves and clean your guns every night.
Don't bother going to sleep until you do.
You got that?
All right.
Well, I don't know, you look like a woman to me.
Maybe you fool somebody.
If you forget about playing fair, there's no room for it.
You're gonna need every advantage you can chisel.
Oh, hold on, might as well take Judy, too.
Here, I hope you never have to use her.
Now, let's see, I showed you how to use that dynamite, that's back here, and you be careful, it's very tricky stuff.
Jess, I taught you everything I can, Jess.
Now, it's up to you.
I think you're crazy, but who ain't these days?
Oh, don't religion me, gal.
Damn, I got enough troubles.
And forget about them lawmen, they're useless.
Judy's better than any lawman.
Is that the first known rate, that old guy, the first known rate of fuck the police?
RLS.
I think that's like the first time we hear, that's pretty much a fuck the police, man.
Yeah, the old prospector ended up being this really nice, like, train you up kind of martial arts master, but the martial arts happen to be like, you know, shooting.
Yeah.
He teaches her how to do gun fighting.
Yeah.
Good for him.
Cause old prospectors usually just end up being crazy old rapey coots.
And I'm glad that you didn't have to deal with that.
No, no, he was a, he was a nice guy.
So then we cut to the sheriff transporting the women.
And that is our next clip.
Good looking, all right Clay, but they're as mean as any I ever hold.
I are, anything?
You like what I got?
You like what I got?
You like what I got?
Jared, we should hurry up, get to prison.
You should be better than this.
Well, I ain't rotting in a jail cell.
Yeah, well, what are you gonna do about it?
What about you?
Can't you say nothing?
Ah, suit yourself, sweetie, it's a long ride.
All right, climb down.
Boy, the place is crawling with them.
Don't try it, Marshall.
Who the hell are you?
Who cares?
You got my vote, lady.
Not a damn thing.
Here I was just trying to make an honest dollar.
And that's syrup.
Well, suit yourself.
I'm riding with this lady here.
Jessica.
Jessica Hartwell.
Hey, that deputy's still alive.
Put it away.
You're just gonna let him live?
You're just gonna let him live?
You're just gonna let him live?
You're just gonna let him live?
After us, now let's get something straight here.
I can leave you here, I can take you with me.
Now, I can sure use the help, but I ain't gonna stand for no senseless killing.
You're the boss lady, I'm riding with you.
What about her?
She'll come around, she ain't got much choice.
For now, anyway.
Let's unhitch those horses.
You gonna kill me?
That depends.
She was gonna rip you us, what'd she even bring him along for?
Yeah.
He's doing a slowin us down, but I'm sure smells to me.
First she shoots him, then she plays nurse to him.
There were five of them.
They didn't even give him a chance.
Just tied him up and slaughtered him.
You think you people are any better?
Look at them.
They won't do anything, not as long as I'm here.
I don't get it.
What about you, Connor?
I never did trust no one.
You kill him, I help.
Yeah.
Look, I need your help.
I don't even know where to look for them.
You'll just end up killing me anyway.
Look, you.
Well, ain't this cozy.
Boning up on the law, Jess.
Get out of here.
How about you, Deputy?
How does it feel to be on the other side of the gun?
Look, what are you up to, Jess?
Why the hell should we ride with you?
I told you, money.
You can have all of it.
I just want to get my hands on them.
You sure make it sound easy.
Look, what chance have we got against that game?
Size they could be anywhere by now.
Halfway to the border.
You sure lead a name, Brock.
Big brown hat, moustache.
You know him?
I see him in Twin Cities.
He robbed bank.
See?
I suppose they split the money up.
Hey, lady, there's only four of us.
She's right.
This is crazy.
I'm for clearing out of here.
I go.
I ride with you.
You are crazy.
You got less sense than I thought, Connor.
I'm through fooling with you, Marshall.
Save it, Jess.
He's out.
All right, let's tie him up.
You let Connor and I take care of him.
I'll make him talk.
He'll talk.
He ain't hurt.
He just wants a little romancing.
How's your side?
I was lucky your aim wasn't too good.
You're young like my husband was.
We were good to each other, Seth and me.
What do you want from me?
Not much.
What about the others?
I never meant to hurt you.
You sure you want to do this, lady?
You just want to find out about Brock.
That was before.
Are you sure there's nothing you want to tell me?
Maybe I should, uh, stop all together.
You little tease.
It was Frank Brock like you think it was.
Probably lit out for Copper Creek.
It usually holds up there.
Where's that?
Come on, coach me a little.
Do like you was doing before.
Then they get down, and that's the end of that 20 minutes.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, we hit the second 20 minutes in less time than it took us to play that clip, more or less.
Like, it was that clip was the whole of the time.
And yeah, yeah.
This show is probably going to be like 15 minutes max.
It was only an hour and 23 minute movie, by the way.
OK, I do have some things I want to say plot wise that are pretty pertinent to what was happening in that clip.
So she shoots the marshals, she busts out the girls.
They become a team because they're going to go rob the boyfriend who basically raped her.
Well, we don't know that yet, but the one lady was involved with the gang, and she wants revenge on them too.
So they're all going to team up and basically rob this gang that raped her, and she doesn't care about the money.
All she wants is revenge on that gang, and she's basically setting them up to help her or getting them to help her in reward for the money.
And they're all in.
They want to go do it.
And that part's actually pretty cool.
That's pretty interesting.
And do we really need to watch the brutal rape before that happened, or could you just heavily imply it, for fuck sakes?
Yeah, yeah, they felt the need to actually do stuff, which, well.
All right, so she just shoots the marshal, and the marshal wasn't one of the guys, right?
The one marshal that she shoots.
No, no, the marshal is his own thing.
Right, so she kills a lawman in cold blood and instantly becomes outlaw.
So I submit to you, Matt, is she now an evil woman?
No, because she needed the help, so.
Eh, morally gray area, so we'll just agree to disagree.
Yeah, I don't think she's one.
Well, there is definitely an evil woman in the party that forms after she busts these ladies out, which one it actually is, is yet to be seen.
And that's, I guess, the game that we'll have to play to have something to talk about in the next 20.
Yeah, I mean, maybe we can put something together on that.
I'm not sure.
All right, let's not talk about the next time where we spend an eternity in what feels like never-ending horse maneuvering through countryside shots.
Yeah, fun.
The next 20.
The next 20, here we go.
All right, after it's all said and done, the talk and why it's our next clip.
Who to thunk.
What you doing over there?
We got plans to make.
Hey, Jess, you want some bean?
Tell me about Copper Creek.
You're not serious about going after Frank Brock after everything I've told you?
Hell, bounty hunters don't even go after him.
Copper Creek, what about?
Not much to it.
Just a washed out ghost of a town near the county line.
Couple of days ride.
I gotta go.
Hey, I want him too.
Then get in line, because I'm gonna be there first.
Be careful.
You're traveling in bad company.
I need him for what I got in mind.
You know, you got a prayer, Jessica.
And now you've been driving to Marshall.
Come on, Jess.
All right, so the women ride, and the Marshall's kind of hiding from them.
Then we got a lot of riding and walking and riding and walking.
It's as long as a slow reader reading Born Peace.
It takes longer than that one history class where you thought you could trust a fart and found out the hard way that you couldn't, but you're not allowed to get up until the test is over.
Oh, that's long.
And then the ladies find a man hauling a big bag, and that is our next clip.
My dumb horse broke down on me.
Had to kill him.
Hey, Conner, that you?
What you doing with them?
Is he one of them?
You know, you look kind of familiar to me, too.
I should.
Of course, you've never seen me with my clothes on.
Oh, uh, oh, you know, wait a minute.
Uh, now, all of them...
I'm sorry.
I didn't know you had a guy.
Where's Brock?
Oh, it hurts.
It hurts, Conner.
You, me, friends, remember?
What's he talking about?
I work in Saloon in Twin Cities.
Him and Brock come in there.
So you do know Brock?
What are you waiting for, Jessie?
Get on with it!
She's a real man, and I'd talk about it.
Oh, no, see, Brock, he'd kill me.
Well, you know that, Conner.
What do you think we're gonna do, scum?
She wouldn't kill me.
Nice, sweet woman, lady like her.
Oh, shit!
The cabin.
About a mile and a half down the road.
Don't tell him I told you, please.
Which cabin?
One by the lake, near the orchard.
But please don't tell Brock.
Yep, she killed his ass, and that's good.
Then we get, surprise, more writing.
This sequence lasted longer than watching The Postman, which was an extended director's cut by Kevin Costner himself that was played in slow motion.
And that is long.
So the ladies find the area they were looking for in the little shack, and they hear a guy come in.
We see him, he's laughing, and he's a member of the gang, but he's dragging a Native American by his horse.
And they jump him, but another guy sees them jumping him, and he gets to jump on the ladies himself.
Well, the other lady who's investigating the shack, she comes back, she shoots one of the guys, but one of the other guys kills her before Red knocks him out.
They tie him up to a horse, and this leads to our next clip.
Kona, cut me loose, will you?
What the hell is this?
Don't you speak the Lord's name.
Lady, please don't shoot me.
I wish I had time to do this right.
Come on, Jesse, you're just wasting time.
Where's Brock, quick?
He's in Copper Creek, what link?
Honest.
Copper Creek's a ghost town.
Well, they're there splitting the money up.
They're meeting up with some new guys, and after they pull the next job, we're gonna split the money.
Honest, honest to God.
Kona, Kona, tell them not to kill me, would you please?
Kona!
Lady, come on, please, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Thank you, kill him.
You gonna let me go, lady?
I'm sorry.
You gonna let me go?
Just like you did to Seth.
Thanks.
It is time we go.
It's getting dark, they could come back.
We'll stay the night.
How is he?
How do you think?
I'll take a look at him.
I'll take care of him.
Conner, why don't you see if you can help?
Apache?
Conner, no, help Apache.
Conner hates Apaches, how goes?
So anyway, the blonde lady mends the guy, and then she mends him, then she beds him.
Did you notice the frontier surgery scars left behind in an augmentation that may have been a breast reduction on the actress in that scene?
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know if that was a body double or not, but there were very clearly the half moon underneath and then the incision down the nipple that either...
It was either a reduction or it was an addition.
No, it might actually been a removal of an addition too.
Sometimes they have to...
Yeah, it could have been...
Why are we so obsessed with breast scars?
Because there's nothing else to talk about.
I'm just quoting some things.
You've brought it up.
Well, I noticed it and it was kind of the only thing I had to talk about in that sequence other than obviously, thank you, movie.
Yeah, thank you, movie.
We also now see the marshal is finding dead gang members as he goes about.
And by the way, that's the end of that 20 minutes before we go to the final 40 minutes.
Usually when we're talking in 20-minute blocks, right?
We get to the 60-minute mark right around 45 to 50-ish minutes.
And we're 10 minutes early, so I can tell that we are breezing through.
Even the way that we have been moving faster through the movies when we review them, we're still going very quickly.
Because that's that much time.
It's that long.
That's how long the writing sequences are.
Then there's no real, again, there's no real message to get into in this.
There's no thing to debate or anything like that.
Yeah, it's straightforward, man.
Yeah, we're manufacturing dialogue, just to manufacture dialogue.
The sequences, seriously, the sequences of them riding horses lasts so long.
It's as long as that time that Mitch McConnell mysteriously locked up in a press conference and was unresponsive.
For the time that he was unresponsive, it was that long.
And it feels that awkward and uncomfortable while you're watching it too.
Yeah.
I mean, that's long.
Jesus Christ.
That's a long time.
It feels so uncomfortably long.
It is so uncomfortably long.
I would just get the fuck up.
I'm going to fully admit it, man.
I would just get the fuck up when they were on horseback until I heard dialogue or something else other than riding horses.
Because it was just like, that's it.
I mean, not that it wasn't great to watch them bouncing up and down on horses.
It was fucking great.
Yeah.
But like not for as long as they went on with it.
Good times.
But yeah, it was a lot.
Like really long, like longer than reading Bram Stoker's Dracula when you're barely able to stay awake long.
Long.
That's long.
That's long.
That's definitely long.
It's a long time.
Uh, Christ, I literally have nothing, man.
I don't know what you want for me.
The next 20, let's just move on and close it.
Let's move it.
Final 20.
The ladies are getting ready to leave.
And that is our next clip.
Claire.
The sun's up.
Let's go.
OK.
Come on.
What about him?
Can't just leave him here.
Well, we sure can't take him with us.
Brock's in Copper Creek, and I'm going to have him.
Yeah, but by tomorrow, I'll be strong enough to ride again.
What's one more lousy day?
Leave him.
Come on, let's go.
We've wasted enough time.
I'm staying.
What about the money?
Claire, I need you.
I need your help.
You're the only one I can depend on.
He needs me.
And then, Kana, she goes in with a knife and just kills the Native American.
And the blonde goes crazy seeing it.
They fight and Red stops it.
And the fight scene took for a while.
So that was just a lot.
It wasn't that long.
I mean, the fight scene actually was at least entertaining because this was a pretty decent knockdown dragout fight.
Both these ladies were going for it.
So it had that going for it, even though it was still a Western fight with a lot of grabbing your boot and flipping you onto the ground and that kind of shit.
Yeah.
I don't know, man.
It was better than the fucking riding.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, yeah.
You're not wrong there.
It was still though, it was just a lot.
When you have sequences of riding that last longer than I have to sit in a guidance counselor's office after making the 15th joke about wanting to kill myself.
It's a lot of jokes about wanting to kill yourself, though.
I do want you to know that.
But can you imagine the amount of time I had to sit in my guidance counselor's office after that?
That's a long time.
That's a long time.
That's a long time.
That's how long those sequences are.
This fight didn't.
It felt like a breath of fresh air comparatively.
Yeah.
All right.
I could see that move on now.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, all righty.
Then.
So Red stops the fight and they all write off.
Marshall is back in chase.
So we got more writing and more, you know, everything going through this whole fucking thing.
See here, they take a little break.
And that leads to our next clip coming.
You're wasting your time.
We'll ride in alone, then.
Maybe you will, but I ain't.
What about the gold?
You ain't going to live to count it.
Claire.
Don't Claire me.
You don't care about nothing no more.
You've been hating so long, you forgot what loving was.
We're a bunch of animals, all of us.
I know how to love, but it ain't love I'm feeling.
Not as long as any of my husband's murderers are still alive.
You're coming?
Now I know that it may deceptively seem like the dialogue is very quick and paced because of the way that I edit it, and therefore that the acting is significantly better than what it is.
They all look like they are reading the fucking cue cards in that scene, and it is every bit as fucking hollowly delivered as the sped up just sound of it goes.
It's really bad.
It is not good.
Not at all.
The pauses between breaths in this are almost as long as the sequences of them were acting.
Yeah.
Oh, my good Lord.
It's just really long.
Yeah, it's long.
And it's only an hour and 20 minutes, but it feels like five times that long.
It really does.
I don't know, man.
When I got done reviewing the movie and writing my notes, I was like, God, that went really quick.
And I'm like, oh, this is going to be a real short show.
Yeah, that's why we're padding it out as best we can right now.
That's all we got.
Marshall finds two more dead, then Kana rides into the little ghost town, and that is our next clip.
Your squad done come home.
I told you she'd catch up.
Good to see you, baby.
You leave Kana behind.
I killed for you, Frank.
Oh, I know how it must have looked, but you got it all wrong.
You leave Kana to rot in prison.
Oh, you know better than that.
Come on upstairs, see if I don't make it up to you.
You told Kana you love her.
I do, I do.
Then say it.
Tell Kana.
Okay, kid, old Frank here, he loves the hell out of you.
You swear?
I swear.
Oh, Frank.
Who did not see this obvious twist that was telegraphed the entire time, considering how every single one of Frank's men talked to her when they ran him down?
Uh-huh.
Kana, oh, you're my first friend.
Oh, what's going on?
Yeah, and all of these actresses in the film are like, when you're watching Linnea Quigley in a film and you realize, oh, no, she just always talks like this and can't act.
When you see those sequences outside of Return of the Living Dead, yeah, that's what this film is like.
It's that kind of feeling of just like, wow, they're not even really giving a shit about trying, or they really just talk like that.
They're not doing nothing here right now.
Just no emotion behind any of this.
Oh, my lord, just they're mailing it in.
They're not even phoning it in, and they're mailing it in on a postcard because they're not taking that much time to do it.
Like they're faxing it in, for fuck sakes.
Who even has a fax anymore?
I don't know.
They're paging it in.
Someone brought a pager.
You believe that?
Fuck your pager.
We can move on.
Kind of freak it down, then more horseback riding, more horseback riding.
Man, that one took longer than riding an elevator down all the way from the top of a tower, and someone farts the minute the doors close at the top, and you have to wait till the very bottom, and you're trying to hold your breath the whole way down, hoping that you don't have to smell it.
That's long.
That's a long goddamn time that that lasts.
Yep, that's a long time.
That's too long.
Okay, that's too long.
You've gone too far.
Then we're back to Frank and Kana in our next clip.
Who was as good as Jessie, the Mormon lady?
What the hell do you mean?
You know.
How do you know about her?
She comes to kill you today.
She what?
She comes to kill me?
Go ahead, laugh.
Laugh.
I saw them.
The others are dead.
Slime, moose, boundary.
They are all dead.
What you talking about?
She is not alone.
You better tell me everything you know.
You fat squaw, I'd take that Mormon bitch in bed over you any day.
Link, get rid of Cheney and the boys over here.
When this is over, I'll take care of you.
He has all his men spread out.
Red gets to the town and Blondie follows, cause she's like, ah, fuck it, let's have some fun.
And they are attacked, but they return fire.
There's a shootout, several men are killed.
Blondie gets shot and then she's killed.
Connor tries to kill Frank, but he stops her and kills her.
The marshal approaches.
Red lights some dynamite and blows some shit up.
Frank taunts Red, and Frank's right-hand man is gonna get to kill her, but the marshal kills him.
Then Red shoots and kills Frank.
The marshal talks to Red in our final clip.
I was nice shooting.
You can put that away now.
That's right.
Thanks, lady.
For what?
For making me a rich man, a little bonus.
For doing my job for me.
You're gonna make me a hero.
You know I can't leave any witnesses.
That gun's empty, lady.
You can put it away.
There's one barrel left.
That's more than enough.
Well, we're just gonna have to find out, ain't we?
Because only one of us gonna leave here alive.
You make every shot count.
You're gonna need every advantage you can get.
Now make sure before you shoot.
All right.
So then the marshal pulls, the polls, but red shoots and wins, roll credit.
Roll credit.
Holy shit, did that take forever.
Yeah, and the review didn't.
No, we gave you the brevity that this movie will not.
I highly recommend that you don't watch this unless you are really, really wanting to see the breasts that we talked about in the film, in which case all of them were mostly a thank you movie except for the rape scene, and pretty much all of the ladies get their tits out.
So, yeah.
Yeah, so I mean, that's, hey man, that's not bad.
Right, that is the carnival trick that many, many people learned well before Adamson got on board.
And the plain fact of the matter is, if you've got tits in your film, it doesn't matter how bad it is.
People will probably keep watching it again and again for the tits.
People will show up.
They'll get out in there and have some fun.
Yeah, you put the cheesecake on display.
Yeah, you put the beautiful bodies on display, and people will want to watch the film.
Yeah, it's unfortunate that this is the era of unequal time for that sort of thing.
I freely admit that.
It just happens to work to my advantage, and I acknowledge the privilege that I get in the patriarchy in that manner.
I acknowledge our privilege.
Yeah, that's basically what's happening here.
Sorry for those of you that want other beautiful bodies on display and did not get that in this film.
And I can see why you would skip it too, because otherwise, you're sitting through sequences of people riding horses or walking that go on longer than it takes me to come up with another one of these fucking jokes.
Longer than, longer than.
Yeah.
Well, why don't we wrap it up, and we'll do a story time.
What do you think?
Sound good?
Yeah, sure.
All right.
So right now, playing underneath us and going to take us into the break right before story time is the song Crazy On You by Heart, also from 1975, on the Pirate Radio.
All right, so that is Hearts Crazy On You on the Pirate Radio Edit.
But what you don't need the Pirate Radio Edit for is to be able to enjoy Matt's Storytime.
All right, storytime.
All right, storytime.
I have to fuck me.
What do I want to talk about?
You want to tell someone the story of when a woman went crazy on you?
Yeah, that never happened.
You're like, I can't make that up, this isn't a penthouse forum.
Yeah, this isn't.
Dear penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me.
Can you imagine if you did have stories like that though?
Jesus Christ, that would be a different type of podcast.
That's for fucking sure, right?
Yeah, one that would be fun to listen to.
Right.
Let's see here.
I can't talk about that song.
I do have a good story about that song.
So back when I was in high school, and not the most responsible person like now.
Just younger.
Just younger.
I was just younger.
And we were driving, and I remember we had the classic radio station on, and blaring it.
It was just like night time driving, and doing something that was probably frowned upon, if the police would have caught us.
Drinking?
No.
What you're doing now, just in the more illegal way.
The statute of limitations have probably ended on that.
So you guys were driving around getting high.
Yeah.
I think it's like 10 years max that they can bust you for anything.
And that's even if you're dealing it, just consumption.
That depends upon local laws, really.
Yeah.
Well, OK.
They're driving.
It's night.
It's a beautiful night.
That song is just blaring.
It's just blaring that he has his fucking my friend whose car is in had one of those systems in it.
It's just blaring.
The winds whippied.
And I'm just high off my ass.
And as he's driving in all these back roads, like there's just we're in the middle of nowhere.
There's nothing around us of the skirts of this town that we live in now.
And sure enough, there was a cop out there, and he was going probably 85 on a highway.
We get pulled over, and we all thought this is it, because it reeks of weed in here, reeks of weed.
I'm like, there's just no way we're not getting arrested.
And Pop comes up.
I don't know, because I didn't even, I couldn't even, I was so like paralyzed by fear.
I don't even know what was said.
But as we're driving away, I'm just like, we start driving away.
Dude, what are you doing?
He goes, no, he told me I could go.
And I'm like, wait, I'm like, there's no way.
And he's, my buddy said, my buddy even said, he goes, it was the weirdest thing.
I think he thought about it.
I think he thought about arresting us.
I think he's out here because he doesn't really want to do anything.
And when we sped by, he's pissed because he had to pull us over.
He goes, I don't think he wanted the paperwork.
I don't think he wanted the trouble.
So he just let me go with a warning and told me not to come down this road again.
And so there you go, I have no idea to this day why a cop would just go ahead and arrest all three of us.
Holy shit, dude.
I practically shit myself.
I don't know if this guy was the laziest or most incompetent cop out there, or if he again, just, yeah, did one of the trouble.
Just was like, ah, fuck it, just get out of here.
Here's a warning and never come, if I ever see you down this road again, maybe he was out there doing something he wasn't supposed to.
You know what's really funny though, Matt?
I have a story almost exactly like this from college.
Oh, really?
Yeah, no shit.
All right, so when I was in college, our dorm was like a converted hotel that was like outside of an airport.
It was like an old airport holiday inn somewhere around the airport in Pittsburgh that got converted into our dormitory.
Long story short, the technical school that I went to started buying up a bunch of other technical and like trade, like associate's degree, you know, diploma mill kind of schools and ended up becoming Pittsburgh Community College and beefing up the programs and making them more worthwhile and making them actually to where you got accredited for a lot of it.
The main place that was buying up all of these schools is actually the one that was already accredited.
So it was pushing the other ones to be accredited too for like this purpose to become a community college.
And they were using my tuition money to help fund that for the years that I attended there.
Anyway, I was staying at a dorm that was actually one of the schools that they bought.
And long story short, we leave this dorm, we're on a highway that basically loops around where the airport is.
And you can go relatively normal highway speeds.
And I'm riding with some folks that are all spoken up, and so am I.
Again, statute of limitations, I'm pretty sure it only has to be 10 years.
Although we might want to confer with our lawyers about that.
I know it's been more than long enough for statute of limitations for sure.
But I mean, who's really going to get on us right now with me?
Well, and the big thing too is the driver's really the only one that was fully breaking any kind of law that was punishable because he's driving impaired.
The rest of us are relatively in the clear other than making the improper choice of driving with someone who's impaired.
Yeah, yeah.
So anyway, we're on the highway.
We're rocking out to some electric hellfire club because the guy who's the driver is just into that satanic techno-y thing.
My life with the thrill kill called KMFDM, particularly the electric hellfire club, he really ended up liking quite a bit.
And we're all smoking up.
We're all getting super high.
Everything's great.
And we're done.
So we roll down the windows, and he's going super fast to get the air blowing through.
And we have a special plan where we all had Swisher Sweets or would have cigars, and the people that actually smoked would start smoking the cigars.
We roll up the windows and then fill the car with cigar smoke to really cover the scent, you know, like really, really good smoke.
That might have been one thing that also me helped out my group.
We were all three smokers as well, cigarettes.
So I mean, that shit was out there.
So basically we're getting ready to go.
We get off our exit.
We're at the stop sign.
We're ready to turn left to where we're getting ready to go to where the school is.
There's just a couple more roads, a couple more turns, and we're there, right?
And all of a sudden, just from behind us, I see a flash across the side of me.
Again, I'm stoned, so it goes like super slow.
Blue, red, blue, red, from different directions, right?
It goes blue, then red, blue, then red.
And it slowly dawns on me.
I'm like, holy fuck, we've got a cop behind us.
Oh no.
And this is probably me being way too high in my 20s to be able to process what is about to happen.
But I'm just kind of sitting there, just like you, frozen.
And the guy's coming in, he's asking a bunch of questions about, you know, where are you going, what are you doing and everything.
The driver is calm and cool about everything.
You know, the cigars are still going, like it's no big deal.
And while the questions are being asked, I notice off to our right, the other cop has his flashlight is looking down to see if he can see anything shining it down inside of the car, right?
Just shining and shining and shining.
It just keeps going.
And he's like shining it down and looking at all of us, like trying to see whatever he can absolutely observe.
So there's like a blanket in the back of my friend's car for obvious reasons because he's a fucking 20-year-old guy.
You know why a blanket would be back there.
And I'm like shoving the blanket down and out of the way.
And then the cop jumps the light over to me and is just watching me.
And I'm like just pushing on a blanket.
So I freeze and I'm just holding this blanket and looking up.
And then the guy's basically asking where we're going.
And I said, we're going back to our dorm.
It's like three turns from here.
And I told him exactly where it was, like how many turns it was.
And the guy immediately goes, have you boys been drinking tonight?
From while ever I said that.
Cause I'm just frozen and I answered him that question.
And the one guy was just like, the driver just looks at me and he goes, shut up, Court.
Like, all right, cool.
I'm like, sir, can I finish pushing this blanket down?
Or is you're gonna gonna blind me with the light for the rest of the time?
Last thing I said, he's like, okay, Court, shut up.
You know, someone else said it.
And I'm like, all right, fine.
So I'm just sitting there, you know, still nervous, high as fuck.
My friend gets his ticket for driving too fast, and we get sent on our merry way.
We get back to the dorm and we tell everybody everything that happened, and they're like, oh my God, you guys are so lucky.
I'm like, yeah, I know.
I gotta go change my shorts.
Right?
Yeah, so it's very similar story where like, I'm pretty sure they just didn't want the paperwork.
Yeah.
Because I don't know if they could smell it or not, but like the light was definitely like, they were looking for something.
So.
Yeah.
But they needed something more than just the probable cause of my stoned ass trying to describe to them how to get to our door.
I totally know, I know where I'm going.
Right.
And I basically described each of the turns from here.
I was like, I don't remember the address, but that's how I get there.
Yeah, yeah.
What the fuck?
I only had the address written down for if I needed to have somebody send me something, you know?
Right?
Yeah.
Well, college man, it's the easiest time when you start memorizing addresses in your social security number.
All right.
Hey, and guess what?
That puts us over the hour mark for sure.
So the episode is saved.
Matt, what do you think?
We did it.
All right.
So next, we're going to have the show Housekeeping and immediately following that on the Pirate Radio Edit, Pink Floyd from 1975 with the song Have a Cigar right after this.
If you've decided you can't get enough of the show and would like to check out more of it, we're available at legionpodcasts.com
Just do a quick search for CinemaPsyOps or just enter this entire URL into your browser, www.legionpodcasts.com forward slash cinema dash PsyOps dash podcast.
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And now let's give you a rundown of the memes and how you're going to get them through CinemaPsyOps.
The easiest place to go is to subscribe to our Instagram feed, which is our main meme repository at cinema underscore PsyOps.
Or you could also follow the Facebook page of CinemaPsyOps because they are immediately posted there after they get posted to the Instagram repository.
And you can also check out the Facebook group of CinemaPsyOps and the memes are shared there.
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Thanks for listening to the show.
I still can't believe that you're subscribed to us or here every week just like us.
All right, you know why I'm playing Have a Cigar, Matt?
Have you figured it out?
Well, because I like cigars.
Okay.
But also because, well, we did it.
We were able to take this turkey of a film and find a way to make an episode last for about an hour with it.
Yeah.
Well, look at us.
I'm proud of us again, Cort.
Yeah.
We're keeping the streak alive by trying to find some way to make this bullshit entertaining to you still.
That's what's happening.
That's what's going on here, folks.
While you're out there wondering why the hell you still listen to us, kick the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch while you enjoy the Isley Brothers with the song Fight the Power, parts one and two on the Pirate Radio Edit.
Fuck Matt, fuck you, Matt, fuck Matt.
Who knew that'd be the eternal view of my brain on a constant level?
Yeah, you hate yourself a lot.
I do.
Hey, fuckers, religion's bullshit, God's not real.
Still my favorite quote of yours.
Because I don't even believe that.
Recording in progress.
That's one of my favorite quote of yours.
All right, so we're rolling on both recorders, the backup I just started, as you heard, and the other recorder I started as soon as I got you online.
So I'm ready to rock and roll.
You're up first with Jesse's Girls, 1975.
Jesse's Girl.
Yeah, that's not part of the music.
I don't know what the fuck you're doing, but.
Songs released in the same year, and Jesse's Girl wasn't until the 80s.
And also, fuck that song.
Oh, damn.
All right, I'm going to play the opener and take a couple more hits, so I don't waste any more of my battery life on this thing.
Here we go.
By the way, Matt, this is going to be a bit that I'm going to do, OK?
So that's my bit, is I'm going to compare it to something that's ridiculously long, and I'm just going to keep doing that.
OK, we can go back.
You just keep doing that.
Yeah.
Good stuff.
This was five minutes, but I think we're going to need the time.
Yeah, this was your 10 minute clip, but I cut it down to five minutes.
So it's like we're going to be at the next 20 minutes once this is over, pretty much, right?
Pretty much.
Yeah.
Yeah, we got to leave a little bit more after this.
But yeah, it's done after that.
Then we're at the 20.
This is part of why I'm turning it down and talking over it to you right now, because like we really need to feel this fucking time in.
So like this outtake of us talking over this is literally me putting in the equivalent of like Indigada De Vida at the longest you've ever heard recorded by a butterfly in our show.
Oh, my God, so much padding.
And we got to the second 20 minutes in like four.
Yeah, I know.
I mean, because there's nothing to do.
Yeah, it's all the same fucking riding around and shit.
And what do you tell people about that?
They rode to the next location.
They rode a horse.
There you go, folks.
There's some land.
You see some land.
Come on, it's a solid bit, dude.
That was great, though.
It's a solid bit, but you've gone too far.
I'm not saying it's a solid bit, but you've gone too far.
Well, farted an elevator joke.
I thought that would be like bread and butter.
Oh, God, maybe that's what that person had was bread and butter.
All right, while you're out there wondering why the hell you still listen to us, kick the fuck out of this week and make it your bitch while you enjoy the Isley Brothers with the song Fight the Power, parts one and two, on the pirate radio edit.
And I just deleted that, so I'm not gonna actually play it, but you probably know the song.
Yeah, all right, I am gonna go ahead and fucking end this.
Recording stopped.