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Join host Dennis Rainey and discover powerful stories of everyday heroes who prove that courage isn't the absence of fear—it's taking action despite it. Together, we'll explore life-changing testimonies from battlefield veterans, wounded warriors, and ordinary people making extraordinary choices, including an exclusive interview with Commander Butch Wilmore from the International Space Station.
Practical wisdom for life's toughest battles
Join us as we uncover how real courage transforms marriages, families, and faith. From confronting difficult relationships to making life-altering decisions, learn how everyday people find strength to stand firm when everything screams "compromise."
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Perfect for: Parents, leaders, and anyone seeking inspiration
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#CourageousFaith #Inspiration #FaithStories #Leadership #PersonalGrowth
Dennis Rainey [00:00:02]:
Chris Beale had just moved to Oklahoma City to serve as
Dennis Rainey [00:00:05]:
worship pastor when his lies caught up with him.
Dennis Rainey [00:00:10]:
He was living a double life, having an
Dennis Rainey [00:00:14]:
affair with a young lady, dealing in
Dennis Rainey [00:00:17]:
pornography. And then he found out that the
Dennis Rainey [00:00:21]:
woman he was having the affair with was pregnant.
Dennis Rainey [00:00:25]:
What you're about to hear is an amazing story
Dennis Rainey [00:00:29]:
of sin, forgiveness, and
Dennis Rainey [00:00:32]:
restoration and reconciliation. Stay tuned.
Chris Beale [00:00:37]:
Our pastor was leading a staff meeting, and we
Chris Beale [00:00:41]:
had only been there for six weeks. We're still in boxes, just bought
Chris Beale [00:00:45]:
a house. I mean, we just got there, didn't know anyone.
Chris Beale [00:00:49]:
And he was talking about a friend of his that had morally fought,
Chris Beale [00:00:52]:
fallen, had an affair. And Craig made a statement.
Chris Beale [00:00:56]:
He said, you know what he said? Your sin will find you
Chris Beale [00:01:00]:
out. It always will. It's just a matter of time.
Chris Beale [00:01:04]:
And he said that we all struggle with things and that if you confess,
Chris Beale [00:01:08]:
if there's something you're dealing with, if you confess it, you'll find
Chris Beale [00:01:12]:
mercy, you'll find grace. If you. If you hide it and you get caught,
Chris Beale [00:01:15]:
it'll probably be a different story. That was it. That's all I could
Chris Beale [00:01:19]:
handle. And it was a Tuesday. I went home,
Chris Beale [00:01:23]:
and Cindy was unpacking boxes, and.
Chris Beale [00:01:28]:
And I knew that this conversation would probably
Chris Beale [00:01:32]:
yield the loss of a marriage, the breaking of a family, and
Chris Beale [00:01:35]:
certainly the end of ministry. But I went in
Chris Beale [00:01:39]:
and just said, honey, we've got to talk.
Dennis Rainey [00:01:43]:
Hi, I'm Dennis Ramey, and welcome to the next
Dennis Rainey [00:01:46]:
edition of Inspiring Courageous Faith podc.
Dennis Rainey [00:01:50]:
You know, a lot of us have heard stories of forgiveness and
Dennis Rainey [00:01:54]:
restoration, but today you're going to hear an
Dennis Rainey [00:01:58]:
absolutely amazing story about a
Dennis Rainey [00:02:02]:
couple, Chris and Cindy Beale, who
Dennis Rainey [00:02:05]:
experienced the lowest of low points in their marriage,
Dennis Rainey [00:02:09]:
but they recovered. It's a story about the secret
Dennis Rainey [00:02:13]:
that Chris kept hidden for the first years of their
Dennis Rainey [00:02:16]:
marriage until he couldn't hide it any longer.
Dennis Rainey [00:02:21]:
This is one of my favorite radio interviews from the years
Dennis Rainey [00:02:25]:
that I hosted Family Life Today and did over 6,000
Dennis Rainey [00:02:29]:
broadcasts. And I think you'll see why after listening to it.
Dennis Rainey [00:02:33]:
It's just a great story of how sin
Dennis Rainey [00:02:36]:
catches up with you and how one church did it right. In restoring
Dennis Rainey [00:02:40]:
someone back to ministry, what Cindy and Chris
Dennis Rainey [00:02:44]:
experienced echoes the struggles that many couples go through
Dennis Rainey [00:02:48]:
today. What set them apart
Dennis Rainey [00:02:51]:
was their faith and their courage to confront it head
Dennis Rainey [00:02:55]:
on and not quit. In fact, I'd like to challenge you to do
Dennis Rainey [00:02:59]:
something as you listen to this story. I want to see if you can list,
Dennis Rainey [00:03:03]:
just maybe write them down on a piece of paper. The number of
Dennis Rainey [00:03:07]:
times you hear of courageous decisions being
Dennis Rainey [00:03:11]:
made in this story, there's more than one.
Dennis Rainey [00:03:15]:
Chris and Cindy Beale were
Dennis Rainey [00:03:18]:
faithful in following God's prescription for
Dennis Rainey [00:03:22]:
restoring their marriage after Chris had been found
Dennis Rainey [00:03:26]:
out.
Bob Lepine [00:03:32]:
Cindy, you grew up in a Christian home, and Chris, you grew up
Bob Lepine [00:03:36]:
in a church going home, but not a home where you heard the gospel, correct?
Bob Lepine [00:03:41]:
Was while you were growing up in your home that
Bob Lepine [00:03:45]:
you had a first exposure that would set you on a course
Bob Lepine [00:03:48]:
that would rock your world later on.
Chris Beale [00:03:51]:
Correct? Eight years old, I saw
Chris Beale [00:03:55]:
a magazine under my dad's bed
Chris Beale [00:03:58]:
and never, you know, never seen
Chris Beale [00:04:02]:
pornography, nudity, up to that point. And just
Chris Beale [00:04:06]:
all the emotions that go along with that. You know, there's a little bit of
Chris Beale [00:04:09]:
guilt going on. There's an incredible amount of curiosity.
Chris Beale [00:04:13]:
And lost my dad a couple years ago, but
Chris Beale [00:04:17]:
he's been so incredible just in the
Chris Beale [00:04:21]:
years prior to his death of just kind of talking
Chris Beale [00:04:24]:
through things in life that he deeply
Chris Beale [00:04:28]:
regret. Things in life that I deeply regret. But in the
Chris Beale [00:04:32]:
midst of really, really bad things, what God has done
Chris Beale [00:04:35]:
through that pain. But that really did open
Chris Beale [00:04:39]:
a window to a struggle with pornography
Chris Beale [00:04:43]:
that would last all of my childhood and most of my adult
Chris Beale [00:04:47]:
life.
Dennis Rainey [00:04:48]:
You know, today, the average age a boy is being exposed to
Dennis Rainey [00:04:52]:
pornography, and this is almost unimaginable.
Dennis Rainey [00:04:56]:
It's eight. That's the average age. So that means
Dennis Rainey [00:05:00]:
a bunch of them are finding out a whole lot younger and a bunch a
Dennis Rainey [00:05:03]:
whole lot later, not all that later. Explain to our listeners
Dennis Rainey [00:05:07]:
what that encounter did to you as a boy, because
Dennis Rainey [00:05:11]:
you don't have a category emotionally
Dennis Rainey [00:05:16]:
from a maturity standpoint, a morality standpoint, to even process
Dennis Rainey [00:05:20]:
what it is you've just looked at. What did it do to you?
Chris Beale [00:05:24]:
Well, a couple things I think are really interesting. I think men are
Chris Beale [00:05:28]:
very unique in that we are so incredibly visual.
Chris Beale [00:05:32]:
And I'm 40 years old, so 32 years
Chris Beale [00:05:36]:
later, I can tell you detail
Chris Beale [00:05:40]:
for detail. The images that I saw on that very first
Chris Beale [00:05:44]:
day, they are stuck in my mind in high definition.
Chris Beale [00:05:47]:
It's amazing how those things can be burned in your brain.
Chris Beale [00:05:51]:
But also, I think our brains are kind of like Wikipedia.
Chris Beale [00:05:55]:
The definition continues to change with the latest
Chris Beale [00:05:59]:
entry. And so without having a conversation about sex
Chris Beale [00:06:03]:
or sexuality, all of a sudden, I'm beginning to define
Chris Beale [00:06:07]:
my very young mind about what sex is
Chris Beale [00:06:11]:
in a very, very distorted way. And so, you know, you take your
Chris Beale [00:06:15]:
mind and you twist it in a way with those images a
Chris Beale [00:06:19]:
couple notches off, where it should be, where God's purposed
Chris Beale [00:06:23]:
it to be, and it leads down just a crazy, destructive
Chris Beale [00:06:27]:
path.
Dennis Rainey [00:06:27]:
How did it impact your View of. And your respect of
Dennis Rainey [00:06:31]:
women.
Chris Beale [00:06:32]:
The social life, you know, in high school wasn't
Chris Beale [00:06:35]:
great. And so, but in a way,
Chris Beale [00:06:39]:
I would just become reclusive, if you will. I would
Chris Beale [00:06:43]:
spend time not just with that magazine, but
Chris Beale [00:06:47]:
there was a kid whose brother worked at a gas station, and he
Chris Beale [00:06:51]:
would bring old versions, old
Chris Beale [00:06:55]:
issues of magazines from the gas station to the neighborhood. And so growing
Chris Beale [00:06:59]:
up, there was a constant supply of to just keep
Chris Beale [00:07:03]:
filling this thing in my brain.
Bob Lepine [00:07:06]:
Was this a weekly kind of, hey, let's go out to the fort
Bob Lepine [00:07:10]:
and look at the magazine kind of thing?
Chris Beale [00:07:12]:
Pretty much. You know, me and a couple of my friends in the neighborhood, we'd
Chris Beale [00:07:15]:
go and look at it. And I would say it was kind of a form
Chris Beale [00:07:19]:
of distorted entertainment. You know, we'd go there and we'd look at it, we'd talk
Chris Beale [00:07:23]:
about it. And I think where I really experienced
Chris Beale [00:07:27]:
it, the effect toward women was in college,
Chris Beale [00:07:31]:
by the time I had gone to school, you know, with that
Chris Beale [00:07:35]:
new sense of freedom, women are very
Chris Beale [00:07:38]:
objectified. And it's just kind of a nonstop not knowing the
Chris Beale [00:07:42]:
Lord, nonstop drink fest party,
Chris Beale [00:07:46]:
you know, womanizing thing. And I think it. I think it affected my view
Chris Beale [00:07:50]:
of women dramatically.
Bob Lepine [00:07:52]:
So rather than thinking, how can I get to know a young lady and form
Bob Lepine [00:07:56]:
a relationship with her and cultivate a friendship?
Bob Lepine [00:08:00]:
You're thinking, how can I pick up a girl?
Chris Beale [00:08:01]:
Right. And I wonder what she looks like. Yeah, it's very, very shallow,
Chris Beale [00:08:05]:
Very, very physical.
Dennis Rainey [00:08:06]:
And you think about this culture of young people that are growing up
Dennis Rainey [00:08:10]:
in junior high, high school and college. It's a hookup
Dennis Rainey [00:08:14]:
culture where they're not connecting relationally.
Dennis Rainey [00:08:18]:
It's just a pure physical deal. And they're not even thinking it's sex.
Chris Beale [00:08:22]:
Right. Well, one of the things that, when you talk about this generation,
Chris Beale [00:08:26]:
that scares me a bit is that, you know, my
Chris Beale [00:08:29]:
generation, the Internet only came out toward the latter
Chris Beale [00:08:33]:
part of, you know, mid college to
Chris Beale [00:08:37]:
young adulthood. And
Chris Beale [00:08:40]:
so there was still a significant period of our life that
Chris Beale [00:08:44]:
access was really limited. You'd have to go somewhere and buy something. Well, now,
Chris Beale [00:08:49]:
if you think about, you've got a generation of people, not
Chris Beale [00:08:52]:
just men anymore, men and women who have a
Chris Beale [00:08:56]:
stronghold of sexual sin related to pornography,
Chris Beale [00:08:59]:
who now have kids with smartphones
Chris Beale [00:09:03]:
and they have broadband access 247 wherever
Chris Beale [00:09:07]:
they go. And I fear a sexual
Chris Beale [00:09:11]:
tsunami is, is coming because you've got parents that never
Chris Beale [00:09:15]:
fully experienced freedom in this area. Now with kids that have
Chris Beale [00:09:19]:
access to. It could be a scary thing that
Chris Beale [00:09:23]:
the church is going to have to deal with.
Bob Lepine [00:09:25]:
And face, Cindy, when you met this
Bob Lepine [00:09:29]:
cute guy at the Bible study who said, I want to go to seminary because
Bob Lepine [00:09:33]:
I just want to get to know God better, you had no idea that
Bob Lepine [00:09:36]:
tucked away in a suitcase, back in the back, was this
Bob Lepine [00:09:41]:
addiction, this compulsion to look at pornography, which,
Bob Lepine [00:09:45]:
Chris, I presume this was still going on in college now maybe at an accelerated
Bob Lepine [00:09:49]:
rate, that you were feeding your mind on this. You didn't know any of that,
Bob Lepine [00:09:52]:
right?
Cindy Beale [00:09:53]:
No, of course not. And nobody certainly talked about it. I mean, we knew about
Cindy Beale [00:09:57]:
the magazines, but you had to go to the store and buy them. And most
Cindy Beale [00:10:01]:
of the stores had that little sheet on the COVID and you couldn't see everything.
Cindy Beale [00:10:04]:
So I had no idea.
Bob Lepine [00:10:06]:
And as you dated, there was nothing to indicate he was
Bob Lepine [00:10:10]:
a gentleman, he was a nice guy. And all of this was being done
Bob Lepine [00:10:14]:
in secret and in private, right?
Cindy Beale [00:10:15]:
Absolutely, yeah. No idea.
Bob Lepine [00:10:17]:
Your presumption when you met Chris was he's a guy who's pure.
Bob Lepine [00:10:21]:
He wouldn't do those kinds of things.
Cindy Beale [00:10:23]:
Absolutely. He knew Jesus.
Bob Lepine [00:10:25]:
And I say that because if that was the case when you met Chris,
Bob Lepine [00:10:28]:
how many young women meeting a young guy who says, I love the Lord and
Bob Lepine [00:10:32]:
I want to follow Christ, and he's on the college campus, they go, well, I'm
Bob Lepine [00:10:35]:
sure he's not looking at porn. And odds are, Chris, he
Bob Lepine [00:10:39]:
is.
Chris Beale [00:10:40]:
Percentages say he probably is or has struggled with that on
Chris Beale [00:10:43]:
some level.
Cindy Beale [00:10:44]:
Absolutely.
Dennis Rainey [00:10:45]:
And so he's bringing that into the relationship. You probably, as you move
Dennis Rainey [00:10:49]:
toward the altar, never thought about having a conversation with
Dennis Rainey [00:10:52]:
her about how you had gotten off into pornography and what a
Dennis Rainey [00:10:56]:
part of your life that was, right or wrong.
Chris Beale [00:10:59]:
Right. In fact, I would say every time I looked at
Chris Beale [00:11:03]:
pornography was the last time I was going to look at pornography. You know what
Chris Beale [00:11:06]:
I mean? I would always make those promises to myself that I don't need to
Chris Beale [00:11:10]:
bring that up because I stumbled last week
Chris Beale [00:11:14]:
or yesterday, but I'm never going to look at that stuff again.
Chris Beale [00:11:18]:
You know what I mean?
Dennis Rainey [00:11:19]:
Right.
Chris Beale [00:11:19]:
You're constantly trying to convince yourself this it.
Dennis Rainey [00:11:22]:
And a young lady who's listening to us right now goes, really?
Dennis Rainey [00:11:26]:
You really think that way? And what I want her to understand that is the
Dennis Rainey [00:11:30]:
way guys think, they segment their lives. They push
Dennis Rainey [00:11:34]:
this over in a corner, they sweep it under the rug, and they say,
Dennis Rainey [00:11:38]:
you know, I'm not going to do that again. It's not going to bite me
Dennis Rainey [00:11:41]:
again, and I'm not bringing it into the marriage.
Chris Beale [00:11:44]:
Correct.
Dennis Rainey [00:11:44]:
But you did.
Chris Beale [00:11:45]:
But I did.
Bob Lepine [00:11:46]:
You probably thought, once I'm married, then who Needs pornography
Bob Lepine [00:11:50]:
issues solved. Yeah, that's right. So I'm sure it surprised you
Bob Lepine [00:11:54]:
at some point, and I don't know how long it was into your marriage. Three
Bob Lepine [00:11:57]:
months, six months, a year before you started looking online
Bob Lepine [00:12:01]:
again.
Chris Beale [00:12:02]:
Well, the thing for us is the first year of marriage was very,
Chris Beale [00:12:05]:
very difficult. Just because you're
Chris Beale [00:12:09]:
living together and, you know, I mean, and you're young
Chris Beale [00:12:13]:
and stupid, and we're just stupid, and we have no idea how to relate to
Chris Beale [00:12:17]:
each other. And it was.
Dennis Rainey [00:12:18]:
It's your rookie season.
Chris Beale [00:12:19]:
It was terrible.
Cindy Beale [00:12:20]:
Awful. It was awful.
Chris Beale [00:12:22]:
And then. But at the same time, the Internet was just coming out, and
Chris Beale [00:12:26]:
so it was just. Things weren't good at home in the
Chris Beale [00:12:29]:
sense that we weren't really relating. Well, all these wild, you
Chris Beale [00:12:33]:
know, the whole Chili's, you know, burning bush
Chris Beale [00:12:37]:
moment, and now you're in reality of paying bills, and how
Chris Beale [00:12:41]:
does she, you know, squeeze the toothpaste tube? And
Chris Beale [00:12:45]:
now the Internet's here, and so now you don't have to go anywhere.
Chris Beale [00:12:49]:
You don't have to spend any money when I'm by myself, when
Chris Beale [00:12:53]:
she's not here. Instant and anonymous access
Chris Beale [00:12:57]:
right from your own home.
Bob Lepine [00:12:58]:
There was no indication in the early years of your marriage, Cindy, I ask
Bob Lepine [00:13:02]:
you if you had any hint that this was a part of Chris
Bob Lepine [00:13:06]:
life before you got married, after you got married, anything that
Bob Lepine [00:13:10]:
popped up that should have been a warning sign to you, looking back?
Cindy Beale [00:13:13]:
Well, I remember this story that he told me about
Cindy Beale [00:13:17]:
finding a magazine propped open when he was getting out
Cindy Beale [00:13:21]:
of his car one day at the school parking lot when he was finishing his
Cindy Beale [00:13:24]:
degree. And he literally shut the door and went the other way.
Cindy Beale [00:13:28]:
And he came home and told me that. And that was. I think that was
Cindy Beale [00:13:31]:
the first time I really realized it might have been an issue.
Cindy Beale [00:13:35]:
And he. I thought, oh, my husband's so godly. He's opening up to me.
Cindy Beale [00:13:39]:
He's sharing with me his struggles. And then I do remember as
Cindy Beale [00:13:43]:
the Internet became popular, you know, it wasn't around when we first
Cindy Beale [00:13:47]:
got married. And so when. When it became popular, I do remember a couple times
Cindy Beale [00:13:51]:
walking in and seeing something on the screen. And, you know, he couldn't click
Cindy Beale [00:13:55]:
off the Internet fast enough. And so there were definitely some
Cindy Beale [00:13:59]:
things that happened in the course.
Dennis Rainey [00:14:00]:
Well, now, wait a second. Didn't you confront him at that point when you saw
Dennis Rainey [00:14:03]:
that?
Cindy Beale [00:14:04]:
Yeah, yeah. What do you do? Oh, I don't know how that got on my
Cindy Beale [00:14:07]:
screen. He became a really good liar, and I believed him because
Cindy Beale [00:14:11]:
he's my husband and I should believe him. That's what I was thinking.
Chris Beale [00:14:14]:
I think you wanted.
Cindy Beale [00:14:15]:
I think I wanted to believe him.
Chris Beale [00:14:16]:
That there wasn't an issue there. And, you know, I think
Chris Beale [00:14:20]:
one of the things that we have to be really aware of with guys
Chris Beale [00:14:24]:
or girls that struggle with the issue of pornography is that a
Chris Beale [00:14:28]:
deception's gonna be a part of the deal because it's not
Chris Beale [00:14:32]:
really the most socially acceptable table
Chris Beale [00:14:35]:
conversation. And so there's going to be some level of lying to
Chris Beale [00:14:39]:
cover things up. It really didn't get really, really, really bad
Chris Beale [00:14:44]:
until about 13 years ago or
Chris Beale [00:14:47]:
so. We had moved to Memphis to help
Chris Beale [00:14:51]:
plant a church. And again, that's the other kind of crazy thing is
Chris Beale [00:14:55]:
I'm in full time ministry.
Dennis Rainey [00:14:57]:
You'd been to seminary?
Chris Beale [00:14:58]:
No, no. Started master's program, got into
Chris Beale [00:15:01]:
ministry quickly and just didn't do the education
Chris Beale [00:15:05]:
thing. We had gone to this church to help start it. And I was a
Chris Beale [00:15:09]:
worship leader and youth pastors, crazy busy. Genuinely loved it,
Chris Beale [00:15:13]:
genuinely felt God called us to lead worship and to minister
Chris Beale [00:15:17]:
to these students. But I was very good at keeping
Chris Beale [00:15:21]:
this little part of my life completely compartmentalized
Chris Beale [00:15:25]:
and separate from the rest of my life. And it was there
Chris Beale [00:15:30]:
that I really feel like it just got out of
Chris Beale [00:15:33]:
control. Every day.
Chris Beale [00:15:36]:
Oftentimes in my office, it was really
Chris Beale [00:15:40]:
bad.
Bob Lepine [00:15:41]:
There came a point where looking at images
Bob Lepine [00:15:45]:
was losing its appeal. And you started to
Bob Lepine [00:15:49]:
take steps beyond that, correct?
Chris Beale [00:15:52]:
There was a day that I stumbled into a chat room
Chris Beale [00:15:57]:
and recognized that there were
Chris Beale [00:16:00]:
people who live in my town who have
Chris Beale [00:16:04]:
the same issues that I have. And that the idea
Chris Beale [00:16:08]:
of somebody that was in my town
Chris Beale [00:16:13]:
had an appeal to it, it had an allure to it. And you know, like
Chris Beale [00:16:16]:
any addiction, any struggle, it is not going to be static. It will always
Chris Beale [00:16:20]:
progress from one thing to another left
Chris Beale [00:16:23]:
unchecked. And so I would, you know, I would chat with these
Chris Beale [00:16:27]:
people for a while. And, you know, you're getting
Chris Beale [00:16:30]:
dangerously close. I'm getting dangerously close to crossing the line.
Chris Beale [00:16:35]:
And so I kind of fought it for a while. I kind of just. I
Chris Beale [00:16:38]:
teased it, but I never really went all the way there.
Dennis Rainey [00:16:42]:
Now you're talking about going and meeting someone.
Chris Beale [00:16:44]:
I'm talking about going and meeting someone that I'm chatting with.
Chris Beale [00:16:48]:
And about a year and a half into this kind of
Chris Beale [00:16:52]:
where I've really. What I've done is I've just given myself to this sin. I'm
Chris Beale [00:16:56]:
not really fighting it anymore.
Bob Lepine [00:16:58]:
Was there no voice speaking in San Crist, no conscience speaking to
Bob Lepine [00:17:02]:
you in this?
Chris Beale [00:17:02]:
I think there was, but I think I
Chris Beale [00:17:06]:
had gotten to the point where because of my repeated
Chris Beale [00:17:10]:
sin and my ritual of
Chris Beale [00:17:14]:
after a sin, I would just go to God in prayer and beg his
Chris Beale [00:17:17]:
forgiveness, promise I'd never do that again. There was always that promise that I
Chris Beale [00:17:21]:
would never look at that again. I'd never chat with that person again. But
Chris Beale [00:17:25]:
intimacy with God was very non existent
Chris Beale [00:17:29]:
at that point. The constant presence of that disobedience
Chris Beale [00:17:33]:
in my lifestyle and in my moral choices
Chris Beale [00:17:37]:
created a brick wall between my heart and the heart of
Chris Beale [00:17:40]:
God. And so I'm doing ministry
Chris Beale [00:17:44]:
out of manufactured passion, if you will.
Chris Beale [00:17:48]:
There's no authenticity there because I'm just.
Chris Beale [00:17:52]:
I'm so. My relationship with God has gotten very, very cold.
Dennis Rainey [00:17:55]:
How long before you actually met another woman?
Chris Beale [00:17:59]:
It was about a year and a half. There was a two and a half
Chris Beale [00:18:03]:
year period where the first day
Chris Beale [00:18:07]:
I chatted with a girl and
Chris Beale [00:18:11]:
we agreed to meet at her house
Chris Beale [00:18:15]:
and went there. And
Chris Beale [00:18:19]:
the drive home was
Chris Beale [00:18:22]:
excruciating. The self hatred,
Chris Beale [00:18:27]:
the guilt, the thought of
Chris Beale [00:18:30]:
my wife and my son waiting to give me a
Chris Beale [00:18:34]:
kiss when I walked through the door and happy for their
Chris Beale [00:18:38]:
husband and father to be home. I could never
Chris Beale [00:18:41]:
say I kept my vow. I could never say I kept my
Chris Beale [00:18:45]:
promise as a husband. And I crossed the unthinkable
Chris Beale [00:18:49]:
line with the
Chris Beale [00:18:53]:
ritualistic prayer of God, I'll never do that again. Please forgive
Chris Beale [00:18:57]:
me. And then over the course of the next two years or
Chris Beale [00:19:01]:
so, maybe once a month I would find myself
Chris Beale [00:19:05]:
stressed, bored, weak
Chris Beale [00:19:08]:
spiritually. And it was a rough time and I had just given
Chris Beale [00:19:12]:
myself to it. And Cindy had no idea.
Dennis Rainey [00:19:16]:
Yeah, I was going to ask you, Cindy. Really no idea?
Cindy Beale [00:19:20]:
Well, I knew our marriage was strained. There was definitely a
Cindy Beale [00:19:24]:
lack in our emotional connection,
Cindy Beale [00:19:28]:
but that going on? No, no idea. I
Cindy Beale [00:19:31]:
just remember that, you know, our son was young and
Cindy Beale [00:19:35]:
so for the first two and a half years of his life, I just remember
Cindy Beale [00:19:39]:
there was something going on and I just didn't know what it was.
Cindy Beale [00:19:43]:
I spent hours upon hours just praying and saying,
Cindy Beale [00:19:47]:
God, show me what to do. Show me what to do. Because something's not right.
Cindy Beale [00:19:51]:
And God would just say, I need you to trust me. I mean, I heard
Cindy Beale [00:19:54]:
that over and over and over again from the father, I need you to trust
Cindy Beale [00:19:58]:
me. And I'm thinking something's got to give. And if I would
Cindy Beale [00:20:02]:
bring anything up, he would get defensive and he would
Cindy Beale [00:20:05]:
eventually turn it around on me and manipulate the
Cindy Beale [00:20:09]:
situation. So I got to the point where I kind of just threw my hands
Cindy Beale [00:20:12]:
back and said, okay, God, I'm just, I don't know what to do,
Cindy Beale [00:20:16]:
Chris.
Bob Lepine [00:20:17]:
One of these women that you
Bob Lepine [00:20:21]:
were with became pregnant.
Chris Beale [00:20:25]:
I received a phone call
Chris Beale [00:20:29]:
December I was shopping, I remember to this day, I was shopping for
Chris Beale [00:20:33]:
a Christmas present for Cindy in a department store. And she called
Chris Beale [00:20:37]:
me and she said that she was pretty sure she
Chris Beale [00:20:41]:
was pregnant and if she was, she was confident that it was mine.
Chris Beale [00:20:45]:
And the crazy thing is that we had just
Chris Beale [00:20:49]:
accepted a position to by Craig
Chris Beale [00:20:53]:
Groeschel, the senior pastor at Life Church, to go and join
Chris Beale [00:20:57]:
him in Oklahoma City. I kind of felt like
Chris Beale [00:21:01]:
this was a do over. Like I literally thought God was giving me a
Chris Beale [00:21:05]:
blank slate, a fresh start to go to a new
Chris Beale [00:21:09]:
city, start over, not do the crazy stupid stuff that
Chris Beale [00:21:12]:
I've been doing or struggling with. And I get this phone
Chris Beale [00:21:16]:
call and you know, she says it's devastating,
Chris Beale [00:21:20]:
you know, peril. Cindy still has that gift and I
Chris Beale [00:21:24]:
hate it every time I see it just because of all the memories that
Chris Beale [00:21:28]:
come back from that phone call.
Chris Beale [00:21:32]:
And you know, this is probably not going to sound
Chris Beale [00:21:36]:
great, but I could almost palate myself as
Chris Beale [00:21:40]:
an adulterer and just kind of live with that guilt.
Chris Beale [00:21:44]:
But the idea of being an abandoning
Chris Beale [00:21:48]:
father, like the idea that someday an 18 year old kid is going to
Chris Beale [00:21:52]:
come knocking on my door who I haven't been in his life and I
Chris Beale [00:21:56]:
have, out of my own convenience, ignored him or run away
Chris Beale [00:22:00]:
from the reality of his existence. That
Chris Beale [00:22:03]:
idea I don't think I couldn't live with.
Chris Beale [00:22:07]:
And we moved to Oklahoma. And so I've got
Chris Beale [00:22:11]:
this huge weight of what am I going to
Chris Beale [00:22:15]:
do? And that was married by
Chris Beale [00:22:19]:
what I call an exposure of God. We moved
Chris Beale [00:22:23]:
to this new church, amazing church, great
Chris Beale [00:22:26]:
leadership. And I felt completely
Chris Beale [00:22:30]:
exposed the day we drove in
Chris Beale [00:22:34]:
and I would start going to staff meetings and I felt like
Chris Beale [00:22:38]:
I was caught even though nobody knew
Chris Beale [00:22:41]:
anything, you know. And it was a
Chris Beale [00:22:45]:
very challenging time for me because I really felt like God was bringing me to
Chris Beale [00:22:49]:
a point of getting honest. The one thing that I haven't
Chris Beale [00:22:53]:
done my entire life is to be completely honest. I
Chris Beale [00:22:57]:
had never known a day since I was 8 years old where I didn't have
Chris Beale [00:23:01]:
a secret. And I felt that God was bringing me to this point
Chris Beale [00:23:05]:
of confession.
Dennis Rainey [00:23:06]:
What brought you to the point of telling Cindy?
Chris Beale [00:23:11]:
Our pastor was leading a staff meeting and
Chris Beale [00:23:15]:
we had only been there for six weeks. We're still in boxes,
Chris Beale [00:23:19]:
just bought a house. I mean, we just got there, didn't know
Chris Beale [00:23:22]:
anyone. And he was talking about a friend of his that
Chris Beale [00:23:26]:
had morally fallen, had an affair. And
Chris Beale [00:23:30]:
Craig made a statement, he said, you know, what he said, your sin
Chris Beale [00:23:34]:
will find you out. It always will. It's just a matter of
Chris Beale [00:23:38]:
time. And he said that we all struggle with things and
Chris Beale [00:23:42]:
that if you confess, if there's something you're dealing with, if you confess it,
Chris Beale [00:23:46]:
you'll find mercy, you'll find grace. If you hide it and you get
Chris Beale [00:23:49]:
caught, it'll probably be a different story. That was it.
Chris Beale [00:23:53]:
That's all I could handle. And it was a Tuesday. I went
Chris Beale [00:23:57]:
home and Cindy was unpacking boxes
Chris Beale [00:24:01]:
and. And I knew that this conversation
Chris Beale [00:24:05]:
would probably yield the loss of a marriage,
Chris Beale [00:24:09]:
the breaking of a family, and certainly the end of ministry.
Chris Beale [00:24:13]:
But I went in and, and just said, honey, we've got to talk. And, and
Chris Beale [00:24:17]:
that's pretty much all I.
Dennis Rainey [00:24:18]:
Could take as he came in.
Dennis Rainey [00:24:22]:
Did you know something was up as soon as he walked in the door?
Cindy Beale [00:24:25]:
Well, he, the door opened and I thought, what is that? And
Cindy Beale [00:24:29]:
I come around the corner and there he is. And it was 9:30 in the
Cindy Beale [00:24:33]:
morning. And he just looked at me, you know, and said those words, we need
Cindy Beale [00:24:36]:
to talk. And I knew right then, okay, something's not right. I wasn't
Cindy Beale [00:24:40]:
sure if someone died or if he lost his job, but something was clearly
Cindy Beale [00:24:44]:
wrong. So we sit down on the sofa
Cindy Beale [00:24:48]:
and he just proceeds to tell me, I've been unfaithful
Cindy Beale [00:24:52]:
to you with many women many different times,
Cindy Beale [00:24:56]:
many different places over the course of about this two year
Cindy Beale [00:24:59]:
period. And he said, and one of the women is pregnant and I'm pretty sure
Cindy Beale [00:25:03]:
that I'm the father. And I
Cindy Beale [00:25:07]:
went probably into a place of just somewhere in
Cindy Beale [00:25:10]:
outer space, just like shock, immediate, like, is this
Cindy Beale [00:25:14]:
really happening? Almost out of body, like experience. And
Cindy Beale [00:25:18]:
I think I just kept looking at him and he just kept staring at me.
Cindy Beale [00:25:21]:
He didn't touch me. I think he was afraid to touch me. And he just
Cindy Beale [00:25:23]:
kept looking at me like, okay, what are you going to say next?
Cindy Beale [00:25:27]:
And I went straight into the
Cindy Beale [00:25:31]:
pit of despair at that moment. And within a few 30
Cindy Beale [00:25:35]:
minutes or so, Pastor Craig and another pastor Jerry
Cindy Beale [00:25:39]:
came over and they're sitting across from us and we're just kind of all four
Cindy Beale [00:25:43]:
staring at each other. They're not really looking at Chris because they're pretty mad at
Cindy Beale [00:25:46]:
him at this point. I never went to that anger place at this time. I
Cindy Beale [00:25:49]:
just thought, what do we do now? You know,
Cindy Beale [00:25:53]:
what's the next step? And it was. I lost my
Cindy Beale [00:25:57]:
father when I was 19. I lost some other close family members in my life.
Cindy Beale [00:26:01]:
There is nothing that took me to this level of despair like that
Cindy Beale [00:26:05]:
Confession. That day I literally asked God
Cindy Beale [00:26:09]:
to just take me home. I just wanted to die.
Dennis Rainey [00:26:13]:
Because of the betrayal?
Cindy Beale [00:26:14]:
Yeah, absolutely. The betrayal, the baby. No one's
Cindy Beale [00:26:18]:
supposed to be the mother of his children. Just me. Just, I'm the mother of
Cindy Beale [00:26:22]:
his children. And just thinking
Cindy Beale [00:26:26]:
back, you know, things started to make sense to me and I thought that's
Cindy Beale [00:26:30]:
what it was. And I remember saying, God, you told me to trust
Cindy Beale [00:26:34]:
you. How in the world is this
Cindy Beale [00:26:38]:
going to show that I can trust you? And that was really, that
Cindy Beale [00:26:42]:
was really the only time I could questioned God. Because I was very
Cindy Beale [00:26:46]:
aware, even in the midst of that devastation, I was very aware that it wasn't
Cindy Beale [00:26:50]:
God who let me down, it was my husband. And a lot of people blame
Cindy Beale [00:26:53]:
God. I don't blame God for those kinds of things. I knew it was my
Cindy Beale [00:26:57]:
husband, but I kept saying, okay, God, I don't understand how you,
Cindy Beale [00:27:00]:
why wasn't this revealed somehow sooner, before there was a
Cindy Beale [00:27:04]:
baby?
Dennis Rainey [00:27:06]:
What saved your life and your
Dennis Rainey [00:27:09]:
marriage and your family?
Cindy Beale [00:27:12]:
Well, infidelity is grounds for divorce,
Cindy Beale [00:27:15]:
but it is also with the right mindsets and
Cindy Beale [00:27:19]:
the right willingness to surrender, it is an opportunity for forgiveness and
Cindy Beale [00:27:23]:
restoration. And so my encouragement to that woman or to that
Cindy Beale [00:27:27]:
man who's about to hear that or just heard it 20 minutes ago or two
Cindy Beale [00:27:30]:
days ago is you do not have to decide the rest of your
Cindy Beale [00:27:34]:
life in the next two days, in the next two weeks. Do not make a
Cindy Beale [00:27:38]:
rash decision. Your emotions are heightened and you don't know which way is up and
Cindy Beale [00:27:42]:
which way is down. And that was some advice that was given to me. And
Cindy Beale [00:27:46]:
so it gave the Holy Spirit time because I didn't act
Cindy Beale [00:27:50]:
on my flesh, which was cut bait, you know, hit the road, get out of
Cindy Beale [00:27:54]:
here. It gave the Holy Spirit time to massage my heart and say,
Cindy Beale [00:27:57]:
I've got a plan, will you let me work on it?
Bob Lepine [00:28:00]:
And Chris, what would you say to the guy who
Bob Lepine [00:28:04]:
daily is looking online, has his
Bob Lepine [00:28:08]:
own 3, 4, 5 hour binges, hasn't crossed the line or has crossed the
Bob Lepine [00:28:12]:
line, gotten together with somebody else, but he goes, I pray like you do and
Bob Lepine [00:28:16]:
say, that's the last time. And I mean it. And I really think it is.
Bob Lepine [00:28:19]:
And I try hard, but I keep going back there. What can I do?
Chris Beale [00:28:23]:
I would say the first thing to that person is, God loves
Chris Beale [00:28:27]:
you. God is crazy about you. And when we find
Chris Beale [00:28:30]:
ourselves in these dark, sinful patterns, we tend to
Chris Beale [00:28:34]:
really not like ourselves, we hate ourselves. But we have to remember that
Chris Beale [00:28:38]:
God's love and his mercy through Christ,
Chris Beale [00:28:42]:
it supersedes Everything. And so we have to first know that. Secondly,
Chris Beale [00:28:46]:
the one thing you know, there's not a scripture in the Bible that says, confess
Chris Beale [00:28:50]:
your sins to God to be healed. James says, confess your sins one
Chris Beale [00:28:54]:
to another and pray for each other that you may be healed. The one thing
Chris Beale [00:28:57]:
I was unwilling to do is to tell another human being 100%
Chris Beale [00:29:01]:
of the truth. I'm not saying you need to put it on your Facebook or
Chris Beale [00:29:05]:
just tell the whole world, but you need to find one person that you
Chris Beale [00:29:09]:
trust who has your best interests at heart.
Chris Beale [00:29:13]:
It may not need to be your spouse as the first person, and
Chris Beale [00:29:17]:
maybe I would even say probably not your spouse as the first person. But
Chris Beale [00:29:21]:
find somebody that you trust and tell them 100% of the truth
Chris Beale [00:29:25]:
and pray.
Bob Lepine [00:29:26]:
Eventually you got to bring your spouse in.
Chris Beale [00:29:28]:
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Bob Lepine [00:29:30]:
You can't say, well, this is Waldoff, and she's not my ally in this.
Chris Beale [00:29:34]:
Won't work. Won't work.
Dennis Rainey [00:29:35]:
You know, as you're talking, I'm just thinking of Romans 8:1, and it's going
Dennis Rainey [00:29:39]:
to sound a bit trite, but it is the hope of a situation like
Dennis Rainey [00:29:43]:
this. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are
Dennis Rainey [00:29:47]:
in Christ Jesus. It doesn't mean there are no
Dennis Rainey [00:29:51]:
consequences, but we are
Dennis Rainey [00:29:54]:
forgiven. We are loved. As you said, God does pursue us.
Dennis Rainey [00:29:58]:
And ultimately it was his love
Dennis Rainey [00:30:02]:
expressed through Cindy to you, that
Dennis Rainey [00:30:06]:
ultimately saw not only forgiveness occur in your
Dennis Rainey [00:30:10]:
relationship, but also restoration.
Bob Lepine [00:30:12]:
And a marriage can be healed and trust can be
Bob Lepine [00:30:16]:
restored, which is ultimately what happened in your marriage. And
Bob Lepine [00:30:20]:
it's what's at the heart of the book that you've written, Cindy, called Healing youg
Bob Lepine [00:30:23]:
Marriage When Trust Is Broken. You have seen how God is using
Bob Lepine [00:30:27]:
your story to help other couples who have gotten to a similar
Bob Lepine [00:30:31]:
place in their marriage and are wondering, how do we
Bob Lepine [00:30:35]:
rebuild from the ashes? And it can be done. Chris, your
Bob Lepine [00:30:39]:
confession that day to Cindy, as you said, you knew
Bob Lepine [00:30:43]:
that your time in ministry was done, correct? And that
Bob Lepine [00:30:47]:
quite possibly, maybe even likely, your marriage was done.
Bob Lepine [00:30:52]:
What were the next few days like? Because everything had just changed
Bob Lepine [00:30:56]:
in your world, in your whole life, right?
Chris Beale [00:30:59]:
I was utterly broken.
Chris Beale [00:31:03]:
The two worlds that, you know, I've worked
Chris Beale [00:31:07]:
so hard to keep separate, it was all now thrown in a
Chris Beale [00:31:11]:
blender. And that's a really, really scary place to be. And
Chris Beale [00:31:14]:
just the. The thinking through what my
Chris Beale [00:31:18]:
lifestyle and my choices had done to the name of Christ, like
Chris Beale [00:31:22]:
to the students that I ministered to who would later
Chris Beale [00:31:26]:
find out about the. The truth of. Of what I had
Chris Beale [00:31:29]:
done, it broke my heart. And what I had done to
Chris Beale [00:31:33]:
Cindy. And the reality that I'm going to have to have
Chris Beale [00:31:36]:
conversations with three little boys when they get to the right age, all of
Chris Beale [00:31:40]:
those things were kind of flooding in on as the
Chris Beale [00:31:44]:
consequences of my choice. And I was
Chris Beale [00:31:48]:
just broken. And I was praying for Cindy
Chris Beale [00:31:52]:
for clarity, for God to speak to
Chris Beale [00:31:55]:
her. There would probably be people that say, if you knew
Chris Beale [00:31:59]:
confessing would cause the end of a
Chris Beale [00:32:03]:
marriage, why would you do that? And I've been
Chris Beale [00:32:07]:
asked that question often. And the truth is, for
Chris Beale [00:32:11]:
me, I was a prisoner who happened to live in the same
Chris Beale [00:32:15]:
house as my wife and my sons. I was not
Chris Beale [00:32:19]:
free to be the husband and the father, the man
Chris Beale [00:32:23]:
that God had created me to be in that home.
Chris Beale [00:32:26]:
And yes, confessing and putting this incredible burden on her
Chris Beale [00:32:30]:
shoulders, while completely unfair to her because she didn't
Chris Beale [00:32:34]:
deserve it, in my opinion, was the one thing God
Chris Beale [00:32:38]:
wanted me to do. Because I have nothing to offer
Chris Beale [00:32:42]:
unless I'm free. Unless I am a man that is
Chris Beale [00:32:46]:
living out the life of grace in Christ,
Chris Beale [00:32:51]:
I've got nothing to offer as a husband and a father.
Bob Lepine [00:32:54]:
Cindy, you had gotten counsel not to do anything
Bob Lepine [00:32:58]:
quick, rash. The thought was in your mind, he's
Bob Lepine [00:33:02]:
been unfaithful. The Bible says, in the case of
Bob Lepine [00:33:05]:
adultery, maybe this is the time to end the marriage. You
Bob Lepine [00:33:09]:
didn't act on that right away in
Bob Lepine [00:33:13]:
those next couple of days. And you were getting counsel from your church. I mean,
Bob Lepine [00:33:16]:
they just hired you here. You were the new guy on the church. They had
Bob Lepine [00:33:19]:
to make an announcement about why Chris is no longer on staff.
Chris Beale [00:33:22]:
Correct.
Bob Lepine [00:33:23]:
Tell us about what you were thinking and what was going on over those first
Bob Lepine [00:33:27]:
few days after the news came to you.
Cindy Beale [00:33:29]:
Well, I did think about divorce. That was really the first thing that came to
Cindy Beale [00:33:33]:
my mind. Because how in the world do you get through that? I
Cindy Beale [00:33:37]:
mean, we had gone through plenty of things in marriage and, you know,
Cindy Beale [00:33:41]:
been annoyed with each other and had to deal with things. And those are fine.
Cindy Beale [00:33:44]:
That's for better or for worse. But this is. This kind of
Cindy Beale [00:33:48]:
trumps those vows is what I was thinking. And I thought I better just get
Cindy Beale [00:33:51]:
out before he does this again. Because once a cheater, always a cheater. It's never
Cindy Beale [00:33:55]:
going to change. But a very wise pastor on our staff just
Cindy Beale [00:33:59]:
said, you know, you don't have to decide all of that today. And
Cindy Beale [00:34:03]:
it just kind of set me at ease. I just said, okay, you're right, you
Cindy Beale [00:34:07]:
know, so what if I don't decide for three months to divorce him? It's just
Cindy Beale [00:34:10]:
three more months. I mean, you Know, whatever in the big scheme of things, not
Cindy Beale [00:34:14]:
a big deal. So I just kind of waited and listened and cried
Cindy Beale [00:34:18]:
and tried to figure out, you know, there were so many things we had
Cindy Beale [00:34:22]:
to deal with. I mean, the practical thing, we had to go to the health
Cindy Beale [00:34:25]:
department, get tested for diseases. I mean, just so many
Cindy Beale [00:34:29]:
things that people may not get unless they're there, you know.
Dennis Rainey [00:34:33]:
So did you ask him to leave the house?
Cindy Beale [00:34:35]:
I did not. We didn't know anybody. I didn't know what to do. And I'm
Cindy Beale [00:34:38]:
kind of one of those financial nerds. I'm thinking, well, we can't afford for him
Cindy Beale [00:34:42]:
to go stay in a hotel, and I'm surely not sending him to a hotel.
Cindy Beale [00:34:45]:
He's going to cheat again, you know, so there were all these things that. So
Cindy Beale [00:34:48]:
we just stayed there. And I think what made it possible for
Cindy Beale [00:34:52]:
me to stay in the same home with him was he was broken.
Cindy Beale [00:34:56]:
He was completely devastated by what
Cindy Beale [00:35:00]:
he'd done to the name of Jesus and to our family.
Cindy Beale [00:35:04]:
He was not like, you need to get over this. You know, I'm sorry it
Cindy Beale [00:35:08]:
happened, but if you'd have been a better wife. There was nothing like that. I
Cindy Beale [00:35:11]:
mean, he just sat there and would just weep for
Cindy Beale [00:35:15]:
hours over what he'd done. And I,
Cindy Beale [00:35:19]:
you know, I'm a compassionate person, and I felt compassion for him
Cindy Beale [00:35:23]:
in the middle of my pain. I felt compassion because
Cindy Beale [00:35:27]:
I just couldn't imagine hurting someone that bad.
Bob Lepine [00:35:30]:
The church had to pretty quickly decide, what are we going to say
Bob Lepine [00:35:34]:
next Sunday? And they had to decide it with your
Bob Lepine [00:35:38]:
approval about what was going to be disclosed. Tell me about that
Bob Lepine [00:35:42]:
conversation.
Chris Beale [00:35:42]:
Craig was very
Chris Beale [00:35:46]:
passionate that the church needed to know the
Chris Beale [00:35:50]:
truth, and he asked our permission. We gave it.
Bob Lepine [00:35:53]:
Now, wait. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Chris Beale [00:35:55]:
Pretty much. Pretty much that.
Bob Lepine [00:35:58]:
Kind of like we're going to tell the whole world what's going on
Bob Lepine [00:36:02]:
in your home.
Chris Beale [00:36:03]:
Yes. And the reason why, he stood in front of the church, which was
Chris Beale [00:36:07]:
a pretty good number of people, and said that
Chris Beale [00:36:11]:
gossip kills churches, and if we
Chris Beale [00:36:14]:
all know the truth in love, there is nothing to gossip about.
Chris Beale [00:36:18]:
And he proceeded to, in a very respectful way,
Chris Beale [00:36:23]:
including sharing his feelings about what I
Chris Beale [00:36:27]:
had done, shared the reason for my
Chris Beale [00:36:30]:
resignation. It was heartfelt. He was
Chris Beale [00:36:33]:
disappointed, and there wasn't a ton of room for speculation.
Chris Beale [00:36:37]:
People pretty much got what I had done and
Chris Beale [00:36:41]:
why I had disqualified myself from ministry. But
Chris Beale [00:36:45]:
then he had this moment that, frankly, has
Chris Beale [00:36:49]:
changed our entire church. And he stood before those people
Chris Beale [00:36:53]:
and said, the American church is the only institution on the planet that
Chris Beale [00:36:57]:
shoot their wounded. And we will not do that. And we, as
Chris Beale [00:37:00]:
the body of Christ, will be the hospital within which they heal.
Chris Beale [00:37:05]:
They applauded. And the next week,
Chris Beale [00:37:08]:
we walked through that lobby and
Chris Beale [00:37:12]:
sat down in a pew and we were petrified because, you know, what
Chris Beale [00:37:16]:
are these people going to think about me and about us?
Chris Beale [00:37:20]:
And we sat down and we were just crying.
Chris Beale [00:37:24]:
And he stood on stage and he said that
Chris Beale [00:37:29]:
Chris and Cindy are with us today and that he
Chris Beale [00:37:33]:
believed that God was going to do something very, very special. And they gave us
Chris Beale [00:37:36]:
a standing ovation. And for the
Chris Beale [00:37:40]:
next couple years, we just were normal people. And they.
Chris Beale [00:37:44]:
The body of Christ. What God did through the body of Christ
Chris Beale [00:37:48]:
changed us. And all of a sudden, honesty
Chris Beale [00:37:52]:
in the body of Christ is now a beautiful thing. It's not
Chris Beale [00:37:56]:
something to be avoided. It's something to be embraced.
Dennis Rainey [00:37:59]:
Cindy, you're reliving the moment. I can
Dennis Rainey [00:38:03]:
tell. What did people say to you and
Dennis Rainey [00:38:06]:
what were you feeling as they said it?
Cindy Beale [00:38:10]:
They just loved us. And
Cindy Beale [00:38:15]:
I was scared to death to go to church that day. I didn't know what
Cindy Beale [00:38:18]:
they were going to do, and I just cried all the way through it.
Cindy Beale [00:38:22]:
And people just.
Cindy Beale [00:38:26]:
I love our church. And when I think about the people
Cindy Beale [00:38:30]:
who were there that day, I just think, gosh, they
Cindy Beale [00:38:34]:
did not give up on us. They didn't kick us to the curb.
Cindy Beale [00:38:37]:
And I just have such love
Cindy Beale [00:38:41]:
for people who were there with us.
Dennis Rainey [00:38:45]:
How important was that love?
Cindy Beale [00:38:48]:
I don't know how we would have.
Dennis Rainey [00:38:49]:
Made it for you, choosing to stay, especially.
Cindy Beale [00:38:52]:
Yeah. And, you know, I'm sure there were some people who thought, she's
Cindy Beale [00:38:56]:
crazy if she stays. But there were
Cindy Beale [00:39:00]:
more people who were like, we can do this,
Cindy Beale [00:39:03]:
Cindy. It was like they were doing it with us. And it was
Cindy Beale [00:39:07]:
more like, don't give up. Let's keep going. You know, keep fighting.
Dennis Rainey [00:39:11]:
So did you have a best friend in the church?
Cindy Beale [00:39:14]:
No, we were there. I had only lived in the town for 10
Cindy Beale [00:39:17]:
days.
Chris Beale [00:39:19]:
I would say, though, the one couple that
Chris Beale [00:39:23]:
he was on staff, he was one of the pastors. He and his wife had
Chris Beale [00:39:27]:
gone through something similar years and years prior, and they
Chris Beale [00:39:30]:
felt uniquely called to walk us
Chris Beale [00:39:34]:
through every moment of the next
Chris Beale [00:39:39]:
few years. And for the first month, and I'm not exaggerating,
Chris Beale [00:39:43]:
30 days, every night, they were on our living room floor every
Chris Beale [00:39:46]:
night. And sometimes we just cry together, and sometimes we
Chris Beale [00:39:50]:
talk, and sometimes they speak words of encouragement
Chris Beale [00:39:54]:
and counsel. But the covering of
Chris Beale [00:39:58]:
support was overwhelming.
Bob Lepine [00:40:02]:
Yeah, but you're out of work now.
Chris Beale [00:40:03]:
I am out of work.
Bob Lepine [00:40:05]:
So Where'd you get a job?
Chris Beale [00:40:06]:
Well, they were very specific on the things
Chris Beale [00:40:10]:
they were going to allow me and not allow me to do.
Bob Lepine [00:40:12]:
Granted, you say they. Who was they?
Chris Beale [00:40:14]:
The elders of the leadership of the church. They basically took us on under
Chris Beale [00:40:18]:
their care. Now I'm not on staff anymore, but they felt an
Chris Beale [00:40:21]:
obligation, a calling to walk us through
Chris Beale [00:40:26]:
the next few months and years. And so step
Chris Beale [00:40:30]:
one was they ripped the computer out of our house. Step two
Chris Beale [00:40:34]:
was they would not allow me to take a job that
Chris Beale [00:40:38]:
they didn't approve of, which means I couldn't travel, couldn't be with a
Chris Beale [00:40:41]:
woman, couldn't have a computer, which pretty much limited the options
Chris Beale [00:40:45]:
to Home Depot, where I was a manager
Chris Beale [00:40:49]:
selling two by fours to smelly contractors for the next couple of
Chris Beale [00:40:53]:
years. And it was amazing. It was a great. It was. Life
Chris Beale [00:40:57]:
was simple. You step out of ministry and you got these guys that are
Chris Beale [00:41:01]:
just fighting for you. And there's tough conversations and
Chris Beale [00:41:05]:
practical love. And so for the next two years,
Chris Beale [00:41:08]:
I sold two by fours. And God had really spoken some things into
Chris Beale [00:41:12]:
Cindy's heart about whether or not she should stay.
Chris Beale [00:41:16]:
And that started a pretty amazing,
Chris Beale [00:41:20]:
amazing healing journey.
Bob Lepine [00:41:22]:
In the midst of this, what had been your practice, your
Bob Lepine [00:41:26]:
pattern for more than a decade
Bob Lepine [00:41:30]:
just went away.
Chris Beale [00:41:31]:
It did. I believe that
Chris Beale [00:41:35]:
today. I wouldn't say that I am fixed. I'm just as
Chris Beale [00:41:38]:
capable of being tempted of under the right conditions, falling
Chris Beale [00:41:42]:
into the same struggle that I was in 12
Chris Beale [00:41:46]:
years ago. But I am free. The bondage, the
Chris Beale [00:41:50]:
stronghold of that sin. Through confession,
Chris Beale [00:41:54]:
through prayer, and through the power of God,
Chris Beale [00:41:59]:
he is broken. God has broken those chains.
Dennis Rainey [00:42:03]:
Cindy, I've got a tough question for you.
Cindy Beale [00:42:06]:
Okay.
Dennis Rainey [00:42:07]:
How long did it take him to restore trust with
Dennis Rainey [00:42:11]:
you?
Cindy Beale [00:42:12]:
He's still restoring it today.
Dennis Rainey [00:42:14]:
Good answer.
Dennis Rainey [00:42:16]:
No, really good answer.
Cindy Beale [00:42:18]:
It's the truth. You know,
Cindy Beale [00:42:21]:
ultimately, my trust is in my heavenly Father.
Cindy Beale [00:42:24]:
He is the only one who will never let me down. My husband will let
Cindy Beale [00:42:28]:
me down again. My mother, my friends. People are people. They'll do
Cindy Beale [00:42:32]:
that. But every day he works at it. He told me right
Cindy Beale [00:42:36]:
after I came home and said, you know, I'm going to stay. And he
Cindy Beale [00:42:40]:
said, I know you'll never trust me again, but if you'll give me the chance,
Cindy Beale [00:42:44]:
I'll spend the rest of my life trying. And that is exactly what he's done.
Cindy Beale [00:42:47]:
You know, nothing is off limits to me. Nothing in his life is
Cindy Beale [00:42:51]:
off limits. And he works hard every day to restore
Cindy Beale [00:42:55]:
it. It's become like second nature to him. It's just like breathing.
Cindy Beale [00:42:59]:
He's restoring trust. I'm going to breathe today. I'm going to restore some trust today.
Dennis Rainey [00:43:02]:
How is he doing that?
Cindy Beale [00:43:03]:
He calls me every time he leaves the office to let me know he's coming
Cindy Beale [00:43:07]:
home. He doesn't travel alone. He doesn't meet with women by him.
Cindy Beale [00:43:12]:
He. The other night, he was working late at church and he had one of
Cindy Beale [00:43:16]:
his staff call me. He said, hey, what's up? I'm like, what are you calling
Cindy Beale [00:43:18]:
me for? He's like, I just wanted you to know Chris will be probably leaving
Cindy Beale [00:43:21]:
in the next 20 minutes. I just wanted to give you a heads up. We've
Cindy Beale [00:43:23]:
been working really hard. It's just he goes above and beyond to
Cindy Beale [00:43:26]:
make sure that the enemy cannot mess with my mind. And he works
Cindy Beale [00:43:30]:
so hard to just earn that trust back.
Bob Lepine [00:43:34]:
You got a computer back in your house, right?
Chris Beale [00:43:36]:
We do.
Bob Lepine [00:43:37]:
How do you keep from going there?
Chris Beale [00:43:39]:
Fort Knox? Every electronic device
Chris Beale [00:43:43]:
is completely monitored and locked down. And,
Chris Beale [00:43:47]:
you know, I could get into all the nudity details, but we use accountability software
Chris Beale [00:43:50]:
on every phone, every computer. But we also use a
Chris Beale [00:43:54]:
filtering service on our entire wireless network. Because I'm
Chris Beale [00:43:58]:
not just thinking about me. I'm thinking about my boys. I don't want
Chris Beale [00:44:02]:
one accidental click to open that world of darkness for
Chris Beale [00:44:06]:
them either. So there is not one electronic device that we
Chris Beale [00:44:09]:
own that isn't ridiculously locked down.
Bob Lepine [00:44:13]:
And speaking of your boys, you have two boys who live with you, Correct. You
Bob Lepine [00:44:17]:
have a third son, the one that we've talked about, who was born
Bob Lepine [00:44:21]:
to one of the women that you were involved with.
Chris Beale [00:44:23]:
Right.
Bob Lepine [00:44:24]:
And as it turns out, you've continued to have a relationship
Bob Lepine [00:44:28]:
with her and with the boy.
Chris Beale [00:44:31]:
This is where the story gets almost
Chris Beale [00:44:34]:
unbelievable. We met to talk
Chris Beale [00:44:38]:
about support years and years ago, and
Chris Beale [00:44:42]:
Cindy went and hugged her, and I got to
Chris Beale [00:44:46]:
meet him for the very first time. And he's beautiful.
Chris Beale [00:44:50]:
And she apologized to Cindy and told her that she
Chris Beale [00:44:54]:
knew that I was married. And Cindy just held
Chris Beale [00:44:57]:
her. And I would say most of the interaction
Chris Beale [00:45:01]:
happens between Cindy and her, not me and her. And he
Chris Beale [00:45:05]:
comes and spends the summers with us, and he's with us at the holidays.
Chris Beale [00:45:09]:
And they all know they're each other's brother, and they've all,
Chris Beale [00:45:13]:
you know, in an age appropriate way, have been explained to by me
Chris Beale [00:45:17]:
how this has all happened. And, you know,
Chris Beale [00:45:21]:
when I look at him or think of him,
Chris Beale [00:45:25]:
he is no longer. In the early days, it was like, we're going to have
Chris Beale [00:45:28]:
this constant reminder for the rest of our lives
Chris Beale [00:45:32]:
of my sin. And, you know, the Bible says that
Chris Beale [00:45:36]:
God will cause all things, not some things, not just the good things, but
Chris Beale [00:45:40]:
he'll cause all things to work together for good, for those that love him and
Chris Beale [00:45:44]:
are called according to his purpose. And that,
Chris Beale [00:45:48]:
little boy, is that scripture personified. He is
Chris Beale [00:45:51]:
no longer a reminder of my sin, but he is
Chris Beale [00:45:55]:
a reminder of the redemption of a good God that
Chris Beale [00:45:59]:
loves us and wants to take our junk and make it
Chris Beale [00:46:03]:
beautiful.
Dennis Rainey [00:46:04]:
How did you do that, Sandy?
Cindy Beale [00:46:07]:
A little word called surrender. I
Cindy Beale [00:46:11]:
just took God at His word, you know, that he says he'll
Cindy Beale [00:46:15]:
work all things for good for those who love him. And I said, well, I
Cindy Beale [00:46:18]:
love you. Well, okay, that includes you. And I
Cindy Beale [00:46:22]:
decided a long time ago, when I surrendered my life to him, that my life
Cindy Beale [00:46:26]:
was on my own. And I remember I was making
Cindy Beale [00:46:29]:
spaghetti. It was probably two weeks after his confession. And I just remember
Cindy Beale [00:46:33]:
crying. And the Father just said, you remember
Cindy Beale [00:46:37]:
when you would always tell me you'll go through anything to bring me glory? I'm
Cindy Beale [00:46:41]:
like, yeah, yeah, I remember. I remember that. And I just felt him say, well,
Cindy Beale [00:46:45]:
this is part of that, and I'm going to use this in my
Cindy Beale [00:46:48]:
time to bring glory to my name and draw men to
Cindy Beale [00:46:52]:
me. And I'm thinking, oh, could we have done this a different route? But,
Cindy Beale [00:46:56]:
you know, nonetheless, this is the route that we're on.
Dennis Rainey [00:47:00]:
I'm just kind of pulling back, looking at your story, and there
Dennis Rainey [00:47:04]:
really has been a very clear theme, Cindy, that you have modeled in
Dennis Rainey [00:47:07]:
this. Surrender to Christ is really how you build
Dennis Rainey [00:47:11]:
a marriage. Surrender to Christ is
Dennis Rainey [00:47:15]:
how you handle it when there's failure in a marriage. And
Dennis Rainey [00:47:19]:
surrender to Christ is how you fight for your marriage to go the
Dennis Rainey [00:47:22]:
distance. And what I want our listeners just to
Dennis Rainey [00:47:26]:
take out of this, by way of application, your marriage,
Dennis Rainey [00:47:30]:
your family, are worth fighting for. You can pitch it and
Dennis Rainey [00:47:34]:
flush it. It's far more difficult to do what you
Dennis Rainey [00:47:38]:
two have done, face the humiliation, the shame, the
Dennis Rainey [00:47:42]:
rebuilding, the brokenness of that.
Dennis Rainey [00:47:46]:
But our listeners have heard there's life. There's life in
Dennis Rainey [00:47:49]:
that surrender. There's life in that brokenness. There is
Dennis Rainey [00:47:53]:
freedom from the prison. And I just
Dennis Rainey [00:47:57]:
applaud you guys for telling your story and
Dennis Rainey [00:48:01]:
really giving hope to other people. And one last thought. There
Dennis Rainey [00:48:05]:
are those who are listening to us right now who have failed in their marriage,
Dennis Rainey [00:48:08]:
and they need to hear an unmistakable message from the
Dennis Rainey [00:48:12]:
couple who came and were in your living room for the
Dennis Rainey [00:48:16]:
first month and the first months repeatedly. There's a
Dennis Rainey [00:48:20]:
passage in Second Corinthians 1 that says, comfort others with the comfort with
Dennis Rainey [00:48:24]:
which you've been comforted. We tend to think of that just around grief,
Dennis Rainey [00:48:28]:
around losing someone or going through an illness. It's
Dennis Rainey [00:48:32]:
not just that. It's the comfort we receive when
Dennis Rainey [00:48:36]:
we fail and that someone
Dennis Rainey [00:48:39]:
comes alongside us and cheers us on. And you know what, there's a
Dennis Rainey [00:48:43]:
real ministry there. You're bringing comfort to
Dennis Rainey [00:48:47]:
other people. And I just appreciate you being, being with us on the
Dennis Rainey [00:48:51]:
broadcast.
Dennis Rainey [00:48:56]:
So did you keep track of the number of
Dennis Rainey [00:49:00]:
courageous choices Chris and Cindy made in
Dennis Rainey [00:49:03]:
their. In their story? First,
Dennis Rainey [00:49:07]:
there was the courage that Chris showed in confessing his sins
Dennis Rainey [00:49:11]:
to first Cindy and then publicly to the
Dennis Rainey [00:49:15]:
church where he was going to work, the church that had just hired
Dennis Rainey [00:49:18]:
him. And he knew everything in his life
Dennis Rainey [00:49:22]:
would change when he took responsibility for what he had done.
Dennis Rainey [00:49:27]:
There are a lot of husbands and wives that never take this step and as
Dennis Rainey [00:49:30]:
a result, their marriage never experiences this kind of healing.
Dennis Rainey [00:49:35]:
Secondly, there was the courage that Cindy showed in not
Dennis Rainey [00:49:38]:
immediately kicking Chris to the street,
Dennis Rainey [00:49:42]:
out of the house and saying goodbye to him and their marriage.
Dennis Rainey [00:49:46]:
As she said, the Bible allows for divorce after adultery,
Dennis Rainey [00:49:50]:
but it doesn't recommend it. It encourages
Dennis Rainey [00:49:54]:
people to reconcile if at all possible. And she chose to
Dennis Rainey [00:49:58]:
believe that God would do something remarkable in their marriage, in
Dennis Rainey [00:50:02]:
their lives and in their family. And he's done that and
Dennis Rainey [00:50:06]:
he's still doing that. And third, I'm really
Dennis Rainey [00:50:10]:
impressed with the leadership of their church
Dennis Rainey [00:50:14]:
who stuck with this couple from the very beginning. They didn't whitewash it. They
Dennis Rainey [00:50:18]:
spoke the truth, told the whole story, and then stood with them to
Dennis Rainey [00:50:22]:
heal as they continued to attend that
Dennis Rainey [00:50:26]:
church. And though the church couldn't keep Chris
Dennis Rainey [00:50:29]:
on staff, it didn't give up on him. And
Dennis Rainey [00:50:33]:
it put him on a program of spiritual growth and accountability
Dennis Rainey [00:50:37]:
that eventually resulted in Chris being restored
Dennis Rainey [00:50:41]:
into full time Christian ministry. I love hearing those
Dennis Rainey [00:50:45]:
stories. There's not many of them. I love the quote from
Dennis Rainey [00:50:49]:
the pastor and I'm going to read it here. The pastor said the American
Dennis Rainey [00:50:53]:
church is the only institution on the planet that shoots
Dennis Rainey [00:50:57]:
its wounded and we will not do that. He
Dennis Rainey [00:51:00]:
said we as the body of Christ, will be a
Dennis Rainey [00:51:04]:
hospital within which they can heal
Dennis Rainey [00:51:08]:
and find hope. I just think of the
Dennis Rainey [00:51:12]:
fear that Cindy and Chris felt on their way to that first church
Dennis Rainey [00:51:16]:
service. I cannot imagine what it was like to walk in that church and
Dennis Rainey [00:51:20]:
sit down. We talk with them a bit about that in the,
Dennis Rainey [00:51:24]:
in the broadcast. And yet the church
Dennis Rainey [00:51:27]:
responded with love and forgiveness as they should as
Dennis Rainey [00:51:31]:
a representative of what Christ had done for them
Dennis Rainey [00:51:35]:
and love, compassionate and commitment
Dennis Rainey [00:51:39]:
to stand with them. What can we take away from this
Dennis Rainey [00:51:43]:
story? Well, I think the biggest thing is
Dennis Rainey [00:51:46]:
that we can step into situations that
Dennis Rainey [00:51:50]:
may seem totally hopeless and offer help to people when
Dennis Rainey [00:51:54]:
they can't believe there's any hope. But instead of
Dennis Rainey [00:51:58]:
believing there's no hope with them, we can put our arms around them and
Dennis Rainey [00:52:02]:
encourage them to go the distance and to get back up and try
Dennis Rainey [00:52:06]:
again. I've known many couples who never
Dennis Rainey [00:52:09]:
recovered from infidelity in their
Dennis Rainey [00:52:13]:
marriage. In fact, it's what Cindy talks about
Dennis Rainey [00:52:17]:
in her book healing your marriage when trust is
Dennis Rainey [00:52:21]:
broken, which you can find online, and I would
Dennis Rainey [00:52:24]:
highly recommend it. Healing your marriage when
Dennis Rainey [00:52:28]:
trust is broken. Oh, and there's one other
Dennis Rainey [00:52:32]:
thing I failed to mention about Cindy's response.
Dennis Rainey [00:52:35]:
She befriended the woman that her husband
Dennis Rainey [00:52:39]:
had the affair with and her son
Dennis Rainey [00:52:43]:
and has had a great ministry in her life. She has
Dennis Rainey [00:52:47]:
a great relationship with her today, I'm told. And I think
Dennis Rainey [00:52:51]:
that speaks incredibly of the forgiveness
Dennis Rainey [00:52:55]:
that Cindy not only offered to Chris, but also
Dennis Rainey [00:52:59]:
to this woman who had betrayed her
Dennis Rainey [00:53:02]:
by attempting to take away her husband. That's what you call
Dennis Rainey [00:53:06]:
amazing grace. I'm Dennis Raney, and that's
Dennis Rainey [00:53:10]:
Courageous Faith. And if you like this, this podcast, I'd encourage
Dennis Rainey [00:53:13]:
you to hit the like button, send it to
Dennis Rainey [00:53:17]:
a friend, subscribe, do everything you can to
Dennis Rainey [00:53:21]:
make people aware of stories like this because you don't know the people
Dennis Rainey [00:53:25]:
you're rubbing shoulders with and the drama that their marriage and their
Dennis Rainey [00:53:29]:
lives are creating. Use this
Dennis Rainey [00:53:32]:
podcast as a way of bringing healing and hope to them and
Dennis Rainey [00:53:36]:
then stand with them. We'll see you back here for another
Dennis Rainey [00:53:40]:
edition, another episode of inspiring courageous
Dennis Rainey [00:53:43]:
faith. And I pray that you'll do that in the people's lives that
Dennis Rainey [00:53:47]:
you relate to.