Teach a Man to Fish: Solving Work & Relationships

Summary
Dive into the pitfalls of 'giving work' versus 'genuinely helping' others. This episode unpacks how taking charge of your tasks can foster healthier relationships, avoid suffering, and eliminate the need for external validation. Tune in for a critical take on support, superiority complexes, and self-reflection for personal growth.

Key Points
• Teaching vs. giving solutions
• Damaging relationships by imposition
• The drive for external validation
• Mindful help is compassionate
• Own your tasks, respect theirs

Best Quotes
00:15 - 00:27
• "The idea here conceptually, that you can teach somebody how to fend for themselves, and that's gonna be a whole lot more productive than continuing to give them the answer to their problems."

00:50 - N/A
• "The moment you find in your travels that you say words like you should or why doesn't, why don't you, or why doesn't he, or why don't they, or why doesn't she? When you're doing any of that stuff, you are trying to give other people work."

02:14 - 02:22
• "That is a form of seeking external validation. It's a form of trying to prove that you were awesome all along."

02:31 - 02:34
• "The best kind of help and support is genuine help and support."

03:04 - 03:08
• "You can't take it from them and you can't give it to them. That's their work and it's their business."

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Creators & Guests

Host

Brian Mattocks

Host and Founder of A Mason's Work - a podcast designed to help you use symbolism to grow. He's been working in the craft for over a decade and served as WM, trustee, and sat in every appointed chair in a lodge - at least once :D

What is A Mason's Work?

In this show we discuss the practical applications of masonic symbolism and how the working tools can be used to better yourself, your family, your lodge, and your community. We help good freemasons become better men through honest self development. We talk quite a bit about mental health and men's issues related to emotional and intellectual growth as well.

Brian
00:01

Okay, so we talk in, in, in large moving sort of terms about the idea that we need to teach Amanda fish as opposed to give 'em a fish. And we philosophically understand what that means, right? The idea here conceptually, that you can teach somebody how to fend for themselves, and that's gonna be a whole lot more productive than continuing to give them the answer to their problems. And yet, somehow, as workmen on the temple, we're more than happy to tell other folks how to swing their hammer and you know how to measure out and lay out their work. And this comes with a ton of perils, not the least of which is it damages relationships. And so, so let's talk about what that looks like. The moment you find in your travels that you say words like you should or why doesn't, why don't you, or why doesn't he, or why don't they, or why doesn't she?

Brian
01:02

When you're doing any of that stuff, you are trying to give other people work. You are trying to suggest that you have solved the problem or you know a better way and they should do that work in your, in ways that you see are, are appropriate or the way you're ways that you're comfortable with that model of giving other people work. Is, is a cause for a ton of suffering and disappointment, I assure you. And in the same way, I can't help you understand that, or I can't understand it for you. I can tell you some of the drawbacks of it. So when you see that behavior in yourself, you, you might be a little more critical of where that comes from and why. So in a lot of cases, the desire to help others, and I mean the, the pathological versions of it, okay?

Brian
01:58

The desire to help others. The desire is to, to give work to other people are all parts of carrying things like a superiority complex. So by knowing all the answers and having all the answers, you get to be the best person in the room for a while. That is a form of seeking external validation. It's a form of trying to prove that you were awesome all along. And the, the, the reality for most people is if you're awesome all along, you don't need to tell anybody any of that, that the best kind of help and support is genuine help and support. It's, it's a kind ear, it's compassion, it's questioning, it's you, you, you know, a genuine desire to learn more about what's going on. So as you are trying to manage your own work, the, the, the hallmarks that you're trying to give work to other people is again, that moment you find those moments

Brian
02:59

Arising in your consciousness where you want to give work to others. You can't take it from them and you can't give it to them. That's their work and it's their business. So be mindful of this as you go through your every day sort of travels and understand or reflect on that, that understanding. When you find yourself suffering on behalf of other people, when you find yourself suffering on behalf of the way you think other people should treat you and behave towards you, those are all just handoff work problems. And I don't mean to to be dismissive of 'em, some of them are excruciating, some of 'em are hurt real bad. But think about it in your own sort of everyday operations. And I think you'll find that you try to give work to other people on a regular basis. And it is, it is a bad, bad plan. With that, we'll talk about it more in the future. Thanks.

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