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"A LOT with Audra" is the podcast for women juggling big dreams and full lives. Each episode, host, Audra Dinell, Midwestern wife, mom and neurodivergent multi-six figure entrepreneur encourages women to embrace their many roles holistically by living a values-based life with confidence and joy. Through candid discussions, practical strategies and inspiring stories, this podcast is your guide to designing and achieving success without losing yourself in the process.
Ep69
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Choosing To Wake Up
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[00:00:00]
Audra Dinell: [00:01:00] Sometimes it begins The moment you get honest enough to admit, I want something else. Today we're talking about what it looks like to wake up.
Choose differently and stay committed long enough to become someone new.
Meet Damon Young
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Audra Dinell: Damon Young is on a mission to ignite and sustain transformation with his gift for connecting divergent ideas and people. As the board chair of the Wichita Regional Chamber of Commerce in 2022, he was a champion of civic trust through meaningful dialogue.
A former All-American Collegiate debater. He still loves a good argument, especially if it involves basketball or Star Wars. Young currently serves as the executive in residence at Friends University Business School, his alma mater. He is a devoted husband, father of five, poet and podcast enthusiast who believes in the power of faith, curiosity, and hopeful imagination.
He's always looking for [00:02:00] ways to inspire, empower, and move people towards a greater vision for themselves, their families, and our communities. In 2025, Damon launched DK Young Consulting. A boutique consultancy focused on vision casting and strategy.
Executive mentoring and public speaking
He previously served as the Chief Business Officer at the Kansas Leadership Center and currently serves as a contract CEO for Lead Wichita.
Welcome to the podcast Damon.
Damon Young: It's really great to be here.
Turning 40 And 50
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Audra Dinell: Okay, so I found out in the month that we're recording that I'm turning 40 as you are turning 50
Damon Young: indeed.
Audra Dinell: Tell me about what life looks like just a decade ahead.
Damon Young: Yeah, so you're saying put Audra in the time machine and.
What's mine look like?
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: As a 50-year-old.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: Yeah.
Audra Dinell: Like I'm thinking about the process that I am thinking through as I'm about to become 40. What's that process like?
Damon Young: Yeah.
Kids Grow Fast
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Damon Young: I think a few things, [00:03:00] we've talked about this before, but focusing the time will go so quick with your kids.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: So whatever age your kids are, add a 10 to it.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: And then think about the implications of that.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: You know? And. So a lot of our identity, obviously we can put in those we love the most as we should in some cases a lot of our time and energy. But I think I would think about how those relationships that are most dear to us do give us a ton of purpose.
But as you start to move into that next decade, if your identity is too rooted in them, then as they go off. It'll represent too big of a loss.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Damon Young: Which isn't healthy for either party.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: Obviously there should be some loss as we move from one season to the next.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: But I think that a thing I've learned, like if, if I could go back and talk to 40-year-old Damon, I would say, you know, 'cause, so I [00:04:00] have a 25-year-old, a 24-year-old, a 19-year-old a 13-year-old and a 12-year-old.
Yeah. So just 2, 3, 9. How, how different is life?
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: When your kids are 2, 3, 9, 14, and 15.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: So 10 years ago I was right in it,
Audra Dinell: right?
Damon Young: I mean, I had teenagers and babies.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: But now I have two kids that are married. We have a, a granddaughter on the way. Oh my gosh. And it went fast. Yeah. It went so fast.
Roots Before Fruit
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Audra Dinell: I have this picture of being a person with both feet sturdy in the ground, and one foot is like who you are and who you wanna be and all that, that embodies outside of any roles
mm-hmm.
Audra Dinell: That you currently have, and then the other foot, like just deeply in the roles that you currently have. Mm-hmm. And finding joy and contentment and purpose and working through the hard things.
Damon Young: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I, I can resonate with that and I think. [00:05:00] Part of it is having the foot that's rooted and grounded. Well, how I would think about it sometimes is like roots and fruits. So like the rootedness leads to fruit, or at least it should. And for you to be really focused on what you're doing, it's kind of like the opposite of codependency.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: Is another way to say it. Mm-hmm.
Audra Dinell: Like
Damon Young: if you're too wrapped up in the results and in the purpose and in the fruit. Then you won't do a good job because how you grow fruit isn't by focusing on the fruit.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: It's by getting in the soil and getting rooted in things that matter.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And so in some ways, and I talk about this a lot and I'm starting an endeavor of writing, writing more.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: And I'm writing a couple things that might become books. One of them, I'm talking a lot about this idea of rooted identity. And things that form us the most. And I think [00:06:00] it's a false choice sometimes. I'm writing a lot about the, a false dilemma and the false choice is, do you want to be successful?
Purpose driven meaning, you know, all of the nice, beautiful things that we can aspire to do and be. And then it's like, well, you. You focus on yourself and this idea of focusing on yourself, being selfish or focus on yourself being frivolous or flighty, it's like, no, I'm focusing on the very roots that will grow everything else that I'm gonna do and be, you know?
Yeah. And, and but I, I know for me, I felt that false choice often, you know, where it's like I'm, I feel like I'm. Having to choose between two things and it's like, no, I'm pretty sure this one thing, rootedness leads to edness.
Audra Dinell: Oh, that's good. Yeah.
Damon Young: Yeah.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: Is rootedness a word?
Audra Dinell: You've made Coined it.
Coined it here on this podcast?
Damon Young: Yeah,
Audra Dinell: but I, you know, we had a private conversation about this yesterday, right? Yeah. [00:07:00] That I think the fruit is so hard to not just walk to when it's there.
Instead making the choice that feels more rooted and that will grow juicier fruit.
Damon Young: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Shiny Objects And Grace
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Damon Young: Well, it's, I mean now we're, that we're working this analogy, the, the, the allure of fruit. If we think about like, the original garden story in the biblical narrative, you know, or, or we might say in our modern vernacular, like the shiny object.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: You know, the thing that I think is interesting is that.
We can think that we know what led to the shiny thing. Like we love, maybe we have like an effort a self effort bias where we look at our effort and we go like, well, this, plus this, plus this, plus this, equal that, and. If I don't take that opportunity because it's the next logical thing that's in [00:08:00] sequence, then I'll, then I'll miss it.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: But I don't know, there's so many other forces at work.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Damon Young: Like besides our own self effort.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: You know, back in the day when I was in construction, I used to say hard work plus God's grace. And how do you quantify God's grace?
Audra Dinell: Right. Right.
Damon Young: It's certainly not one plus one. You know, it's not like that.
It's way more like multiplication than it is. Addition, number one. In other words, it can like exponentially grow, but two, sometimes we get things we don't deserve.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: Sometimes despite ourselves, cool. Opportunities come our way.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: You know?
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
The Power Of Ten Percent
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Damon Young: And I think that actually leads to a whole nother thing, which is that we can tend to, like when we're thinking about big change.
And we build like a scorecard.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: We can think like, I probably need to kill this goal like 90% of the time.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: And I've been, I've been on a trip lately where I've been telling groups I talked to that like, actually 10% improvement is [00:09:00] radically transformative.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Damon Young: You know, if, if you said I'm gonna eat better, or I'm gonna pray more, or I'm gonna do this, or I'm gonna do that.
The amount of pressure we put on ourselves that we have to get it right the majority of the time. It's actually a weird psychological cop out. 'cause we say, well I can't do it 70% of the time, so therefore I won't do it at all.
Audra Dinell: Yes, yes. And okay, approaching 40.
Damon Young: Yeah,
Audra Dinell: I have definitely felt that pressure.
Damon Young: Yeah.
Audra Dinell: I've been so excited about this decade. Yeah. And somewhere in the last. Month. This like pressure has popped up and I've found myself. Yeah. Drawing back, drawing in, not doing the things that I want to be doing because just the pressure is there.
Damon Young: Mm-hmm.
Advice For Your Forties
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Audra Dinell: What else at 50 are you looking at that you would tell me that you would tell 40-year-old Damon, if anything?
Damon Young: Well. I think telling you and telling [00:10:00] 40-year-old Damon are two different things, obviously, because I think that, I mean, for lots of reasons, but not the least of which is that for whatever reason, you've built the type of intentionality that I would've wanted Damon to know.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: 40-year-old Damon,
Audra Dinell: thank you.
Damon Young: You're, you're five or 10 years more focused than I was. I didn't, we'll talk about this more, but I didn't really get this level of intention. Until I was really about 40, you know, that I was really starting to lean into it.
Audra Dinell: Hmm.
Damon Young: But I think what I would say to you would be like, man, you never know what's gonna happen.
Like, I think that you've, you're building something really cool with, with the community of leaders that you're curating and investing in. I know you're being very intentional about investing in yourself and your family and like. I would say it like, be prepared to be amazed.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Damon Young: You know, and not necessarily with something big.
It could be with something small. Mm. Yeah. You know, [00:11:00] like, but if you, keep the level of intention that I see you operating with, be ready to be amazed. Mm. With really good, big things and with really good small things.
Audra Dinell: That's so encouraging. Yeah. Okay, so take us back to when you were in that season before you were.
Really living with intention.
Damon Young: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Damon At Thirty Five
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Damon Young: So you had asked me to think about like 30 5-year-old Damon. And at 35 I was starting to, like, from the outside looking in, I was a project manager, estimator vice president of a commercial roofing company, and I had only been in that role for three or four years.
I remember when the person that the owner was a good friend named mark Bolt. Mark had been working for a gentleman named Mike Boyd for about 10 years prior [00:12:00] when we were working the deal to buy Mike out. Part of the buy sell agreement was for Mike to spend time with me. 'cause I didn't know anything about the commercial riving business.
I knew about people I had, I had been in an operation that where I understood like. Logistics and I understood sales and I understood human resources and I understood compliance and you know, the idea of like a healthy jump up. Yeah.
Audra Dinell: So
Damon Young: like the things I knew how to do, the business at Mahaney represented doing very similar things and a healthy jump up.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: Like if we. 10 trucks. In my old business, this one had 30 trucks, you know, like
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: But 10 and 30 aren't that different of numbers.
Audra Dinell: It's not 10 and 1000.
Damon Young: Right.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And then, but I was right in the thick of it. We were right in the thick of it. We were growing. But I was estimating like at any given day, I was waking up at four 30 or five.
I was getting to the office very [00:13:00] early. I was making sure crews got out on time, managing projects, visiting job sites in the morning, and then going and looking at projects and doing estimates. And then, but at that point, I was starting to get a vision of development, like I'd never learned formally about business development or sales.
And the role I was in prior, I had gone to one sales training that was like a Sandler Sales Institute and. So I had a sense of it. I started to understand advertising and marketing a little bit, but true business development that's like nesting within organizations and, and industry associations. I was starting to dabble at this point.
Audra Dinell: Okay.
Damon Young: I was getting involved in probably three or four organizations, but it was very adjacent to the industry, partly 'cause I didn't know the industry. And so back to Mike Boyd, he said when he kind of officially left, I said, how long do you think it'll take me to get good at this? And he was like, it'll [00:14:00] take five years before when you work on an estimate, you truly like feel good about it.
Like you're always gonna wonder, did I miss something? Yeah. You know, and 'cause commercial roofing estimating is just very detail oriented. And so at this point I was starting to feel just competent.
Audra Dinell: Okay.
Damon Young: I was very confident at like my sales and development. So this, like, this idea that you have to sell and execute and manage.
I was right in the middle of that tension. I remember someone who came into my life at that time started working as ACEC, OO at Mahaney was Heidi Perez, and that was a few years later. That probably would've been 2015, 16, so about 10, 11, 12 years ago. But her coming from the insurance industry. I always realized she, she's helped me see how good of a salesman I was and, and the skills I had for development, and I should really double down on that.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: And so I was starting to [00:15:00] do that, but then when the bottleneck is, you have to actually estimate it and manage it.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And I remember one time in a conversation with her, I said, are you meaning to tell me that if I was in insurance, like. All the customers I could find, there's no bottleneck of my capacity to estimate it and manage it, let alone the workforce of the, the, the men and women required to actually execute the work.
Like we would just write more insurance.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. Yeah.
Damon Young: And she's like, that's what I'm trying to tell you. And I remember wrestling with like, should I switch industries? Maybe I should sell insurance because I'm realizing I have this skill.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: But I have to get. I can sell more than I can do.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And so that tension, we were, as a company, we were right in the middle of it.
And that, I don't think that tension ever goes away, but we were in that for, I was deep in it. The other thing that was alive for me in that season was my wife and I were starting to get really healthy as a couple, [00:16:00] and I was really starting to focus more on my kids. Thinking about coaching my sons thinking about Boy Scouts.
Mm-hmm. Starting to just get more involved. We lived in a little town called Sedgwick.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: About 1700 people. We had been there about three or four years. So we were starting to feel like we were part of the community. And it was a, that season of kind of 2012 through 2015 was very much though head down.
Focused on work, learning new skills focused on my family getting healthy.
Stress And Self Soothing
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Damon Young: And then on a personal level, I was learning how, how to handle stress.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: You know, for my, in my twenties and in my early thirties, we would joke and call it like the self-destruct button or the timeout button, where it's like, oh, I'm gonna have.
You know what, what starts is like, I'm just gonna have a drink. Yeah. You know? Then it's like, [00:17:00] well, especially in that industry, a lot of times people one drink turns into way too many.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And so the idea of like checking out
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: To manage stress, I was just starting to really get it in my thick skull, that that was not a productive way.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And I was really starting to, to wrestle with what does. What does it look like to healthily, to soothe, self-soothe? I don't think I had been to therapy yet to really start to understand trauma.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: But I was starting to understand the way that I have managed stress in the past does not work.
I need to find new ways.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And yeah, so that was that season, but very heads down. Very focused on construction, very focused on the cycle of sales and workforce development. Just starting to dip my toe in the water of external development and community growth. Around that time, I volunteered for my first board [00:18:00] and you know, how involved I've been in the last decade since.
So that was, I remember being like, I'm gonna go serve on a board, and it felt like a really big deal.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And. Then like, I'm gonna give up myself, I'm gonna give up my time. But I think I was starting to get clear of like, that comes at a cost. I feel healthy enough to do that.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: And strong enough to do that.
And it's a good investment. I didn't know how far it would go at that time though. I had no idea where all that would lead.
Audra Dinell: So that was like your one step.
Damon Young: Yeah,
Audra Dinell: yeah,
Damon Young: yeah.
The Cost Of Intention
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Audra Dinell: So what did it cost? Changing your life in this way? Dedicating energy to growing at your profession, getting healthy, focusing on your family, and giving back to your community.
What did that cost?
Damon Young: Mm-hmm. I think in some ways it's like a fantasy in your own mind of like, once you start actually getting intentional about doing [00:19:00] the work, you realize how hard it's, yeah. You know, I'm kind of a fanboy of Arthur Brooks and he talks about the reverse bucket list, which I didn't have that vernacular or language then, but I think I was starting to realize like there's a bunch of things I'm not going to do in my life because this stuff I'm doing, maybe being a sober minded, hardworking, dedicated father and husband, maybe that's.
That's what I have to get. You know, that's, that is the greatest thing I could accomplish. And so you have these like fantasies of like all the things you could and should and would want to do.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And I think I had to let them go away.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: Now it's, what's crazy is how many of them have come back?
Audra Dinell: Oh, wow.
Damon Young: Right. And so this idea of, but I think you have to sometimes let dreams die. Because to say like, I'm gonna get really focused. I'm gonna really focus on and do the work. It's needed for me to be a good [00:20:00] husband, a good father, a good steward of business. A good steward of myself. And so a lot of the, I'm using the word fantasy.
I don't have a better word for it, but just like our dreams, you know?
Audra Dinell: Totally.
Damon Young: Yeah.
Audra Dinell: I know exactly what you're talking about.
Letting Dreams Die
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Audra Dinell: And I remember the moment this happened. In my life, my team and I had just finished executing a big event that we'd done five years in a row. It felt good. It went good. We knew it was going to be our last one internally as a team.
Mm-hmm. Because we were just sort of turning the page and knew that, you know, that event took a lot of effort. Mm-hmm. And it was beautiful, but we were ready for something different. Mm-hmm. And I remember after this event, it just hit me for some reason, and I was like. I had just turned 39 and I remember telling my team like, I am never going to like.
Maybe it's own a bookstore or maybe it's Travel the World World in an RV with my kids. Maybe [00:21:00] it's become a surfer. Yeah, I mean just like all these ramp up, like you're probably not gonna do that. Right? Yeah. And I was truly grieving
Damon Young: Uhhuh.
Audra Dinell: It was like a grieving.
Damon Young: Yeah, that's it. You got it. That's what I'm talking about.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. Yeah. These lives that could, I have lived those. I could have lived those, but I'm choosing this one and this dream, which means. So many of the others have to die to me.
Damon Young: Mm-hmm.
Audra Dinell: Wow.
Damon Young: Mm-hmm.
Marriage And Becoming
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Damon Young: And I think in context of marriage too, it's really special because, and I, I, it could be beautiful if we each had these realizations, well, I don't know, maybe it'd be chaotic if, but it seems like it would be nice if each, like if Kate and I were both having these realizations at the same time and we could process 'em together, but we're different people and we're maturing at different rates and we're.
Doing our own work at different paces and you know, so like Kate and I did work through many of these things together, but I think one of the things you have to, if we're talking [00:22:00] about the idea of like giving up something
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: You have to give up. You start to find out who each other really are, not who you thought each other were.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: Or I thought you were gonna become like this. Yeah. We tell our kids all the time, like, focus on who your spouse or. Potential, potential partner is becoming
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: Not who they are. Like who they are is matters, but who, who are they becoming? Who do they aspire to be?
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And but this idea of like this loss and this grieving in the context of a marriage, that's true too.
Because you're like, we were gonna do this or we were gonna do that, or, I always thought you were gonna, I always thought you'd want to like, quit your job and be an artist someday. I remember Kate and I having that conversation one time. I was like, I had a lot of regret about. Well, because of the choices we've made in our life, I've never been able to offer you this.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And probably around that time we started doing like an annual, kind of like a marriage retreat.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And I remember it was somewhere in those, those years of [00:23:00] probably 2014 through 2018, I said some version of that to her like, I'm a failure because I didn't do this for you.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And she was like.
What makes you think I want that?
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: I think now our language we use is, oh honey, that was like seven Damons ago. And I think, oh my God's good. I think we on a little mini vacation. She goes, oh, that was like five Ks ago.
Audra Dinell: Oh.
Damon Young: Kind of like ketchup.
Audra Dinell: Love
Damon Young: that. You know, ketchup, D like, pay attention to who I am now.
Audra Dinell: Oh, I love
Damon Young: that. And, and I don't, I don't that So one stop beating yourself up.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: Of that thing you didn't provide. I've found new things that have brought me joy, and I have different things that I'm aspiring to do and aspiring to want. And so yeah, syncing that up, like doing the work as our, as ourselves is hard, but to do it in, in concert, in a, in a partnership of marriage, it's even more profound and special.
Audra Dinell: Oh, I agree.
Facing Regret In New Decades
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Audra Dinell: I think you hit on something that [00:24:00] we don't talk about a lot, and that's regret. Mm-hmm. That's been something that's rolling around with me as I enter a new decade. Mm-hmm. I mean, my thirties were just so stacked with moving and entrepreneurship and having kids being diagnosed with A DHD, losing family members, I mean, just thirties.
Are just, they're meaty. Mm-hmm. There's a lot. Mm-hmm. For me, at least that happened in that decade. No one wants to be like, I'm here and I have some regrets, but it is just a part of the game. I think we're honest with ourselves.
Damon Young: Mm-hmm.
Audra Dinell: But then working through that to be content and present and connected in your, like real life with these dreams that you've chosen.
Damon Young: Mm-hmm.
Audra Dinell: Is also.
Regret And Finite Time
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Audra Dinell: A real skill, like a real step to take.
Damon Young: I think where it goes is that then the [00:25:00] game becomes more finite. And if you were mourn and regret what wasn't done, then you start to realize the units of time you have left.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And then you start to think, well, I better really choose wisely.
Audra Dinell: Right. How do I live? Mm-hmm. Because I can see that regret is. A thing. Mm-hmm. That can come whether we live intentionally or not, but maybe more likely if we're living unintentionally, I guess. Mm-hmm. How do I sort of avoid, how do I live life that feels full so that the next 10 years I'm looking back with less feelings of regret.
Damon Young: Mm-hmm.
Heidi And The 12 Week Year
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Damon Young: Well, I mean, I have a prime example of so, so Heidi, who I mentioned earlier. She had kind of come into my world and she was such a force for good 'cause. She brought a whole set of language around Jim Collins and leadership development and [00:26:00] John Maxwell and a lot of these people that I just never, it's kinda like I missed a season of leadership development.
Like in in college. I had a season of, I was pretty intentional and then it's like 10 or 15 years passed. And then I remember talking to her one time and saying like. So I missed a decade, like what did I miss? And she would describe John Maxwell or Jim Collins or different frameworks for team development or leadership development.
And this idea of setting goals is something that she started putting in front of me and she actually invested in me with a tool called the 12 Week year.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And she's like, I really think you should do this. I think it'll be transformational for you. So, and you, you have a partner in that which they call a wham partner, a weekly accountable weekly accountability meeting where you do a check in on your 12 week year.
For those uninitiated on the 12 week year, it's basically pretend like, [00:27:00] it's not just taking your annual goals and dividing them by four. It's saying now each quarter is unique in and of itself. Think about in sales. If you had a $10 million goal, you wouldn't want to divide it and say, I'm gonna sell $2.5 million a quarter.
You'd wanna front load it and you'd want that first and second quarter to be. For me, I started to get where I wanted to have my, all my sales goals met in the first two quarters.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: Which means that I can do some other things in the other quarters.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: So, but the other thing, this 12 week year introduced was.
Integrated or holistic person.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: So you have business goals and you have, but then you also have health goals or relational goals or spiritual goals. And the idea of writing these things down and was revolutionary.
Writing Down The Dream
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Damon Young: But back to regret. I remember a moment where it was, it was the chapter was getting into, diving into your passions and, and your [00:28:00] loves and your dreams.
And I realized that I love. Ideas, and I love people and I love communicating ideas to people.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Damon Young: And then hearing people's ideas about those ideas.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And that just wasn't a big part of my life. And I was reflecting back on, I was an all American debate champion. I did forensics all over the country, performing prose and poetry in college.
And I haven't spoken in front of a group besides to give my 32nd. Elevator pitch in 15 years.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And it was asking me to put in this little column, on this worksheet, something that I loved and something I wanted to commit to growing and I had to decide if I was gonna write giving speeches. And that's the only language I had for it then was like giving speeches.
And I remember my hand shaking [00:29:00] thinking regret. I have so much regret. That I didn't invest in this thing that I actually, deep in my heart think might be one of my greatest gifts that God gave me.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And I have completely neglected it. And here I am. Regret, regret, regret. But yet I could write it down and I could start, I could start doing something about it.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And so it was this like, if I don't write it down, I'm totally giving up on my dream. If I do write it down. Then I've actually gotta do something.
Audra Dinell: Yep.
From Baby Steps To Paid Speaking
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Damon Young: But I wrote it down and then the 12 week year says like, what's one little action you could take that, you know, in this quarter? In this week that you could do?
And I remember that, that I wanted to speak in front of a group of people one time, which meant I had to decide something I wanted to talk about.
Audra Dinell: Yep.
Damon Young: And which meant I had to go ask two people if they needed anyone to talk about that thing.
Audra Dinell: Yeah, yeah.
Damon Young: But I did it.
Audra Dinell: You did it.
Damon Young: [00:30:00] Then the next year, I think the goals went.
So that was probably call that 2015 or 16, I think the next year. It's like I'm gonna do it four times.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: And then I think the next year was, I'm gonna do it six times. 'cause this whole time I'm still high performing pri, you know, just, just selling and growing the business. Five kids, you know, all the things are going on.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: But I've got this little thing that's like. I'm gonna grow this part of myself.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Damon Young: And I think at some point it was like, I'm gonna do six and three of 'em. I'm gonna get paid.
Audra Dinell: Okay.
Damon Young: And I remember saying, even if it's a dollar,
Audra Dinell: right?
Damon Young: Yeah. I don't care if they give me a dollar.
Audra Dinell: Yep.
Damon Young: And then by the time it got to 10, that next year, so fast forward like eight, nine years, I found myself at KLC, you know, going all over the country, sharing about leadership development.
Talking about ideas and people.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And I can fill in some of those steps, but I'll tell you, if I would've [00:31:00] not set in that regret and I would've decided to, if I would've wouldn't have wrote it down, I don't, I think that doorway of parsing out ideas and people as part of my purpose.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Assessments And Finding Your Magic
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Damon Young: I gotta give a shout out to Heidi Perez because like she helped me see that.
I remember one time I haven't thought about her in a little bit, but it's fun to think about her. We were doing some assessment, that's the other thing. She introduced me to all kinds of assessments. Yeah. Take this assessment. Take this assessment. Yep. Just take this assessment. And so from a self-awareness perspective, I was starting to, to really just really love that and then listen to podcasts and listen to things about that.
And, one time I was walking by her office and, and I don't remember what assessment we were talking about, but she said, Hey, I think I figured out why you don't like roofing. I had never told her I don't like roofing.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm. And this was in the hallway of the roofing company?
Damon Young: Yeah. And she said something like, I think I figured out.
And I said, why is that? And she said, because they don't [00:32:00] love you back.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Damon Young: And I, whatever assessment I was taking was just like. How much I love to cast vision and belief, and then how empathetic and how much I value connection. And I want that connection back and forth with people.
And, and it was like a moment where we just kind of laughed, but it was like thinking about the physical built environment and if your, if your life's work is within inanimate things, of course I found purpose in it.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: With the people doing the work. Yeah. And the people we were serving and, but I was making it about the people, not about the physical thing.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And what I learned in that industry is there's some people, they're wired, they love to think about the built environment.
Audra Dinell: Yeah, yeah.
Damon Young: You know, they think in 3D shapes, they're thinking about all the things that the built environment and their magic is in truly building physical things.
Audra Dinell: But don't you think the point is to take the time to figure out what your magic is?
Yeah. And it's never too late to start activating it. And it never [00:33:00] late. It's never too small.
Damon Young: Yes.
Audra Dinell: No activation is too small. But it's like if you were gifted these things, you are doing the world a disservice by keeping them buried and just doing what looks good for this person or what this other person says you should be doing.
How old were you when you wrote that down with your hand shaking.
Damon Young: I think it was right about 10 years. Yeah. I'd say about 10 years
ago.
Audra Dinell: Yeah, about 40.
That's wild. Mm-hmm. In 10 years.
You know what, what can happen to a vocation? And I also love, I mean, it's just mm-hmm. Real life that so many of us get on this track of living life and we forget to live it, like on our terms.
Mm-hmm. We forget. Oh, wait a minute. I, I was a good debater.
Damon Young: Mm-hmm.
Audra Dinell: I have these skills. Mm-hmm. Oh, but you know, the money's over here. Mm-hmm. And the insurance is over here. Mm-hmm. I mean, all those things are real. Mm-hmm. I mean, we have to have money and, you know, to live.
Damon Young: Yep.
Regret As Motivation And Experiments
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Audra Dinell: But I, I just think it's very [00:34:00] encouraging for people who have taken steps away from themselves.
Mm-hmm. That it's just. It's never too late. Like let that feeling, if you can let yourself feel that feeling of regret, that's so powerful. Mm-hmm. Because it can spark you to take us just a baby step in the next direction. Mm-hmm. In a different direction. Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: I think about when I worked at KLC, I quoted this all the time.
Page 21 of when everyone leads the first sentence, the first proper sentence in the book says. Leadership always starts with dissatisfaction.
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Damon Young: And I think we're talking about something adjacent to that. Yeah. Which is like, in your personal development, regret is a powerful motivator.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: And it can sink you if you let it.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: But it can also illuminate an area that is a true passion that you should invest in. And, but it's like the, the Stanford people talk about in the Designing Your Life framework.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: Like, or KLC might say like rent. You don't have to [00:35:00] buy it, rent it, rent it. So you, you can rent an idea, you can rent a persona, you can rent something you want to try on and just dabble in it.
Go volunteer at a coffee shop before you quit your job and go say you're gonna be, have a French bistro. You know, like,
Audra Dinell: yeah.
Damon Young: Like, just do little things. And that was what was so helpful about the 12 week gear.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: Is it introduce this idea of really small habit formation that, that framework calls it greatness in the moment that like.
Choose something small to be great at. That's little, and then that's what will propel you to whatever it's you're gonna do.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. I like to talk about those in terms of experiments.
Damon Young: Yeah.
Audra Dinell: Because it sort of takes the feeling out of it of like mm-hmm. Experiments have a hypothesis and they fail, or they are proven to be true.
Yeah. And it's, it just is what it is. It's not personal. It's not emotional.
Damon Young: Yep.
Audra Dinell: It's an experiment that you're testing. It may fail, it may not. Yep.
Damon Young: I think it gives experiments, gives great language to it, and I think [00:36:00] experiments you track.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. Yeah.
Damon Young: And I think checking in, that's why I think a, a leadership self-inventory and checking in with ourselves is so important.
And whatever frameworks another Heidi is, was like all diets work. Pick one.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: You know, when I started being like, was this assessment better than this one or this framework versus this framework? And she would be like. I'm pretty sure all diets work. Just pick one.
Audra Dinell: Yep.
Damon Young: You know
Audra Dinell: I love that. I love that hem.
We'll have to tag her in this episode. Yeah,
Damon Young: yeah.
Letting Go Of Comparison
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Audra Dinell: Okay, so as we are wrapping up our conversation, is there anything that you feel like you haven't shared that you really wanna get to?
Because we've gone in a lot of good places.
Damon Young: I think that the we kind of hit on what did change look like in real life. Dramatic, gradual, messy structure.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: You asked me earlier, or you kind of asked this, but like, what did I have to give up?
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: I think there's a, a little bit more to say about that.
Audra Dinell: [00:37:00] Okay.
Damon Young: In terms of. Comparison and people's perception of us.
Audra Dinell: Oh yeah, let's go there.
Damon Young: I think that's important, and that's a big barrier to why people won't do things.
Audra Dinell: Okay.
Okay. So I am thinking about your path and you're in construction and there's this bridge that Heidi Perez gives you and it's connecting thoughts and people and these realizations of self-awareness.
You're at the other end of the bridge right now, or you're at a different stopping point. You're, you're way past where you started, but what did you have to give up? What was that path? Walking from point A to point B of the bridge? What did that look like? What loss was there?
Damon Young: Yeah. I think a big part of the loss is in, for me.
As an achiever, you start to build identity on those achievements. And then a lot of times for for good or for ill, we use those, compare those achievements to compare [00:38:00] ourselves to people. And so you have to start to lay down that comparison because things you've stacked up that you think are kind of like your resume, you have to say, well, I'm shifting to this other area.
I don't know if these if you're thinking about 'em, not like. Experiences that give you more skill to adapt and they're transferable and you can use them if you're thinking about 'em more. Like are they leverage, are they, are they credibility givers?
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: You have to deal with this moment where you say like, I don't have any credibility in this other space.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And I think part of that real struggle where you start to think about. It's also the people that I've known that I do have credibility with, they're gonna think differently of me. And I think I wrestled with things like, am I flighty? Am I soft? Am I, what am I gonna do? Go around talking about emotions.
And you know, when you talk about ideas and [00:39:00] people, well, emotions are a big part of ideas and people.
Audra Dinell: Yeah. Yeah.
Damon Young: And then it's like I've started to build a brand, quote unquote, that is about. Getting things done and executing and driving change. And I just really wrestled with am I, if I'm an idea guy, then like, am I flighty?
Am I like my head in the clouds? So there's this issue of just credibility I really wrestled with. And the work it took to get on the other side of it, which I'd say is ongoing to be frank, is to stop comparing myself to other people. And it, you know, another crazy thing is if I think about 10 years ago and who I was starting to be around the most, and there there's some amazing leaders, but if I think about some of the monetary things and some of the lifestyle things that some of those leaders pursued, if I would've had that as the standard, then I would've been chasing that.[00:40:00]
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: Somewhere in there I switched to where I was like, no, I'm mining for this other version of myself. I'm mining for this other version of my wife and our family. I'm mining for change that's on the edge of the status quo that I'm gonna have to reach for, and I'm gonna have to inspire other people to reach for, and I don't feel, why would they listen to me?
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: What credibility do I have? Well. I don't know, but I'm reaching. And in reaching, you start to feel very vulnerable and so it, it, it is it's scary. There's another way to say it.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: It's scary to, to reach past what's comfortable. It's easy to feel like you're gonna fall over, but it's also easy to feel like people are judging you.
Mm-hmm. And I think a couple things about that for those wrestling with that one. People are usually thinking about themselves.
Audra Dinell: For sure. For sure.
Damon Young: It's like if you look in a room and it's like, I wonder what they're thinking about me. They're not thinking of it. They're not. Yeah.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: So there's that, but then there's [00:41:00] also, it's an invitation.
'cause if you're, I've, I've really enjoyed this last year of going and working for myself with DK Young Consulting and then taking on the role of CEO of Lead Wichita and I, not having an office, not having a team. And I've been calling it the year of like, sitting on the front porch of our city.
Audra Dinell: Hmm.
Damon Young: I've just been sitting on the front porch and spending time with people.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: And it's amazing, the stories, the willingness that people have to sit with me and the things that I thought, the credibility that I thought I was gonna have to lose, it came with me.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: But I think that's part of the adventure is like I didn't know how to lead with it.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And that truth is I didn't need to lead with it. What I led with was my passion with my desire for transformation and for change. But, but these other things, this [00:42:00] goes back to the whole self thing. Like it's all of me.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: It's just all of me. All those experiences are part of it. And what other people think about it is not the main thing.
And, and. Getting on the edge of that risk and, and exposing the things I'm most afraid of actually will help me grow as hard as it is.
Audra Dinell: And that's what you're mining for, that doesn't look like a brand new car or a bigger house,
Damon Young: right?
Audra Dinell: Yes. But it's so much harder people don't see it.
Mm-hmm.
Audra Dinell: But it's like that's what's driving you
The Kia Identity Shift
---
Damon Young: Well, and my prime example of that is my Kia.
Huh. So I'd, I'd had a company truck for like 20 years.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And who doesn't like a big badass truck,
Audra Dinell: right?
Damon Young: I know I do.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And I remember thinking about this next season of my life, what kind of car am I gonna drive?
Audra Dinell: Mm.
Damon Young: And I remember Kate being like, we we're not rich by any means, but she was like, honey, go get whatever car.
Like, [00:43:00] we can reasonably afford, but like, get whatever car you want. Yeah. Like, you've never picked out a car.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: Since I've known you, like I'm real curious what kind of car you're gonna pick out. And I was like, yeah. And I spent a while looking, I looked at lots of different cars thinking like, what kind of car?
And then I was like, and I came home with this Kia and she's like, what? And I was just like, we got five kids to put through college and I don't think I need a truck. Yeah. Like, that's not who I am. Yeah. And when's the last time I hauled anything? Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm an ideas and people guy. Yeah.
And I'm pretty sure those fit right here. Yeah. And like it doesn't matter
Audra Dinell: the ideas and people can fit in my Kia.
Damon Young: Yeah. Yeah. And, and, and I look at a Jaguar that's the same body style as my Kia. They're basically the same when you sit inside of them, you know? I mean, in terms of the space, like it's not a lot more space that, that, so the ideas of, of luxury or that, I just was like, I don't think so.
And so I have on winter days I regret it because. Seat warmers [00:44:00] and a steel, you know, the steering wheel that's heats up is pretty nice.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: But other than that, like, I don't regret it.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: Because the ideas and the people live in my soul. They live in my, in, in, in that, that stuff doesn't matter.
Audra Dinell: And what a gift I think to give to your kids to be.
A father that has provided and a father that also goes after his dreams, even when they drastically change. Mm-hmm. Like, wow. What a model.
Damon Young: Yeah.
Kids Notice Your Growth
---
Damon Young: It was really cool. My son Aubrey got married almost two years ago, and at the rehearsal dinner we were sitting around, you know, at, at, as one does, at a rehearsal dinner, and we were given, people were given speeches and.
One of the grandfathers on her side, on my daughter-in-law, Janie's side, said gave the mic to them and said, you know, all these people have said nice things, but like, I want you to say something about your parents. And he kind of put 'em on the spot.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: And so they got handed the mic. And as a parent, like, [00:45:00] you have all these insecurities of things you didn't do right.
Audra Dinell: And
Damon Young: you're like, man, I wonder what, and, and also you're really proud and I have a great relationship with Aubrey. And I was like, I wonder what he's gonna say.
Audra Dinell: Yeah.
Damon Young: And he just said basically to Kate and I both just like, the thing that I admire most about you is that you have not been the same person.
I've seen you continually change.
Audra Dinell: Wow.
Damon Young: And you know, Kate and I were just like, that is the biggest compliment that he could have given us. And like for how much intention we had put in. At that point, being married 24 years now, 25, 26, it was cool to see your, your grown you know, oldest son, see that in you.
Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.
Damon Young: And then call it out. Mm-hmm. And say, I admire that about you. Mm.
Audra Dinell: You'll have that forever.
Damon Young: Mm-hmm.
Where To Find Damon
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Audra Dinell: Thank you so much for having this conversation. Yeah. Where can our listeners find you?
Damon Young: Yeah, so, [00:46:00] probably, so for the lead Wichita work, I think lead Wichita dot org. If you're into city transformation we talk about inspire, connect, transform and the city movement in Wichita, I would go to lead Wichita dot org and then for my consulting DKY consulting.com and I'm on Facebook and LinkedIn, if you just put in Damon Young.
Audra Dinell: Okay. Thanks Damon.
Damon Young: Yeah, thanks.