001 - A Knight of A Round Table

What if the Champion of the Round Table wasn't a brave knight in shining armor, but a banker who won his title playing poker? 

This is the reality for Rapunzel, a young woman living a perfectly normal life in London until an odd man named Rod arrives at her door. He claims that through the "Chart of Heredity" she is the "most-desirable single-woman in the world" and he, as the champion, is now devoted to her happiness. But Rapunzel isn't falling for the fairy tale, especially when she remembers the dark reality of her namesake. Will Rod be able to convince her of his genuine devotion, or is this just another case of a man with a "cock-sure" attitude? 

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A KNIGHT OF
A ROUND TABLE
Written by
Rick Regan
July 2, 2025
Rick Regan
[e-mail]
919-218-8834INT. RAPUNZEL’S APARTMENT - EVENING
RAPUNZEL is a modern young woman, near London, with her own
apartment and her own career. She is sitting in her main
room, scrolling her phone.
KNOCK at the door.
Rapunzel goes to open the door. ROD is there, with flowers.
RAPUNZEL
Um...hello. Can I help you?
ROD
Oh, hello! Yes, these are for you.
She takes the flowers.
RAPUNZEL
Oh, a delivery. Hang on, let me
fetch a coin.
Rapunzel turns to go back in.
ROD
Oh, no-no. They are for you....from
me.
RAPUNZEL
From you? Who are you?
ROD
(explaining)
Well, you see, I’m the Champion.
And, you know, I’m here for you.
RAPUNZEL
The Champion? For me? This is a bit
of a muddle.
ROD
Quite so, quite so, it seems.
RAPUNZEL
Em...well, you’d better come in.
I’ll make some tea. We’ll get it
done and dusted.
ROD
Jolly good!
Rod comes in. Rapunzel makes some tea and soon they are
seated with a pot of tea, some biscuits/cookies and jam.RAPUNZEL
Now then, I’ve been thinking this
over but I can’t quite make it out.
ROD
No worries. Easy enough.
RAPUNZEL
Go on.
ROD
You see, I’m the new champion. I’ve
bested all the others, so...
RAPUNZEL
So...?
ROD
So... I’ve come to rescue you.
M’lady.
RAPUNZEL
I’m sorry. Um, what was your name?
ROD
Rod.
RAPUNZEL
Rod?
ROD
Yes. Rod. Rodney, Rodrigo,
Roderick, Rodger, Rod-the-Bod. Or,
just Rod.
RAPUNZEL
Named after an uncle then?
ROD
No. Actually, it was Roderick of
Toledo, the last King of the
Visigoths.
RAPUNZEL
Visigoths?
ROD
Yes, my parents, you see, were
quite enthusiasts about all things
heraldic. The family line goes all
the way back to the six-hundreds.
Roderick was king in 710.RAPUNZEL
Ah, well, that’s all very
interesting but what does any of
this have to do with me?
ROD
Well, as I said, I am the new
champion.
RAPUNZEL
(impatient)
Yes, you’ve mentioned that, several
times. Champion of What?
ROD
The Round Table.
RAPUNZEL
What Round Table? You don’t mean
like, King Arthur. Do you?
ROD
Oh, yes! Quite so. Most Britons,
you see, are not aware that the
Round Table still exists. There is
the Rite of Hanseatic Knights,
successors to the ancient ones,
Lancelot and such. And membership
is still as vibrant as ever, though
out of plain sight, you know.
RAPUNZEL
Of course.
ROD
And the Green Garter of the fairest
maiden is the Prize.
RAPUNZEL
I say, impressive stuff!
ROD
Yes, all very official. And QUITE a
task, I must say. The ‘hardest
championship of any chivalric
test’, it is said. And, well,
that’s me. Rod.
RAPUNZEL
Yes, sounds quite a rum-business.
Real feather-in-the-cap, I suppose.
ROD
Quite so.RAPUNZEL
And the Prize, I heard you say, it
is a garter, is it?
ROD
Well, there is the actual garter,
but really it is meant more as a
metaphorical garter. Do you see?
RAPUNZEL
No, I’m afraid not.
ROD
Well it’s a signifying placeholder, if you twig my meaning.
RAPUNZEL
Sorry. Still a bit lost.
ROD
Well, I suppose I should go
straight at it.
RAPUNZEL
Please do. ‘Damn the torpedoes.
Full ahead!’
ROD
Yes, well it’s like this. You,
through your line, are the top of
the chart. The Prime Consort of the
Queen. Thus, your garter, or in
this case, the metaphorical placeholder, is the prize of the
champion. Me. Rod. Do you see?
RAPUNZEL
The Queen? Camilla? I haven’t seen
her in ages. In the social set with
my mother but I don’t think she’d
know me on sight.
ROD
Ah, but the Chart of Heredity has
you as the top non-aristocrat,
nationwide. Of course, that
reflects globally as well.
Commonwealth and such. So you are,
by blood, the most-desirable singlewoman in the world. And I, as the
champion, have won your garter. So,
I present myself as your faithful
knight, devoted to your happiness.(MORE)
RAPUNZEL
(chuckles)
Surely, you’re joking. I haven’t
even been out dancing since Ibiza
at University, on the Erasmus
scheme.
ROD
Ah, well that’s just it, you see.
I’m here to rescue you, as I said.
RAPUNZEL
But I have a job. I have work in
the morning.
ROD
But, well how shall I put it? You
are alone, correct?
RAPUNZEL
Well, yes.
ROD
And you are Rapunzel?
RAPUNZEL
Yes.
ROD
And I am the Champion.
RAPUNZEL
So?
ROD
So, Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down
your hair.
RAPUNZEL
(angry)
Oh, for the love of me! Do you know
how I have been cursed by that
damned phrase my entire life?! Some
kind of joke by my parents. Leave
off!
ROD
But...I am pledged to you, m’lady.
RAPUNZEL
Do you know the worst part of it,
the fairy tale? Rapunzel, she has
no choice, in any of it. Locked in
a tower as a child.
RAPUNZEL (CONT’D)
Raped by some prince who happens
by. Pregnant, with twins!, at 15.
Banished and shunned by the witch.
Even when the prince finds her, she
is bound to him, with no choice in
the matter. What kind of mother?
What kind of wife? What kind of
bloody PERSON could she even be?
ROD
I suppose that in the fairy tales
they live happily ever after. But
it’s rather more difficult in the
sweaty day to day.
RAPUNZEL
Do you even know anything about me,
who I am?
ROD
I know you are top of the chart.
You don’t get there for nothing.
And that’s good enough for me.
RAPUNZEL
And this champion-thing, how does
that work? Like sword fights,
jousting?
ROD
Cards mostly. Some darts, but that
was never my strong suit.
RAPUNZEL
Cards?
ROD
Endless rounds of Whist, until we
get to the Baccarat stage, and
finally high-stakes poker. And I’m
quite good with numbers.
RAPUNZEL
Cards? Numbers? Where was this?
ROD
St. James Club, Piccadilly. I work
in a bank. Comes in handy.
RAPUNZEL
Like a clerk?
ROD
Bond markets, mostly. Sovereign
funds, American thirty-years, Tokyo
credit-swaps. I’ve got a place
lined up in HM’s Treasury,
Exchequer’s office. But, you know,
carts-and-horses and such.
RAPUNZEL
Exchequer’s office?
ROD
Touch wood.
RAPUNZEL
Hang on here. You are hoping for an
appointment to government-house but
bring flowers to me, because I am
the top of some chart of
aristocrats?
ROD
Well, actually, non-aristocrats.
That’s another form. I don’t really
qualify, even as the son of the
former Exchequer, Lord Howe. And
honestly the royal-blood bunch
don’t typically exhibit the hybridvigor that the modern world
requires. Don’t you agree?
RAPUNZEL
Hybrid vigor? Oh, quite so. Quite
so. But tell me, what is my role in
all of this?
ROD
Rather, it is a question of my
role. For the greater challenge
lies ahead. For me, it is to win
your heart, with loyalty, affection
and, shall I say it?, romance. The
greatest peak to climb is to make
oneself worthy of a woman’s love.
RAPUNZEL
Oh, what stuff! What stuff! Now I
know this must be some put-up by my
idiotic friends. Is this a service,
like, on-call, for a fee? Is that
it?ROD
No, nothing like that. I am the
genuine article, I assure you. And
this is how it begins, with you,
and with me. I must prove my love
to you.
RAPUNZEL
Oh, come off it! Knights of the
Round Table, Exchequer’s Office,
flowers. Just go.
ROD
Now do look here. I will not be put
aside. Let me ask you, do you have
a suitor?
RAPUNZEL
A suitor, like a boyfriend? No, not
at the moment.
ROD
And did you have other plans
tonight?
RAPUNZEL
Umm...no.
ROD
And tomorrow, and the next, and on
the weekend?
RAPUNZEL
Sadly, no.
ROD
Well then, here I am. I present
myself as opportunity-knocking.
RAPUNZEL
I don’t even know you.
ROD
Of course you do. You’ve known a
dozen men like me. Sons of
politicians, university men,
bankers, lawyers. We probably even
went to the same schools.
RAPUNZEL
I went to an all-girls school.ROD
I went to an all-boys,
so...nevertheless. You already know
me, or rather my category of
fellow.
RAPUNZEL
Your type? I know your type? Yes,
now that you say it, I do. I do
know your type. And I’ve never
liked them. Always so damned cocksure of themselves.
ROD
But you hadn’t met the champion. At
least not until now. And my job is,
to get you to look me in the eye,
look me up-and-down, look at
yourself and at me, and say, well,
perhaps he’ll do. He’s not Prince
Charming but that lad left for
Hollywood to marry the soap-opera
woman. My job is, to ask you to
open your heart, your tower, and
let me be with you, stand with you,
hold your hand when there are
storms outside.
RAPUNZEL
Just like that? Open my heart?
ROD
It’s not too difficult, once you
get the hang of it. Just know that
I am dedicated to you, m’lady. Your
happiness.
RAPUNZEL
And what do you expect me to do
now? Throw open my arms and kiss
you? Or more?
ROD
I expect no such thing. I wouldn’t
expect a woman in the modern world
to take the word of some stranger
who knocks on the door. For myself,
I withdraw for the evening. For
you, I imagine you will wish to
consider the situation, absurd as
it seems, and discuss the matter
with trusted friends, or your
sister.RAPUNZEL
Yes?
ROD
And I will leave you with a
standing offer, for dinner on
Friday. If you have a preference,
let me know, otherwise I will
reserve my usual table at The
Avalon in Clapham. Eight PM. Shall
I pick you up?
RAPUNZEL
How do I contact you?
ROD
I will leave my card on the table
by the door. Will that do?
RAPUNZEL
I suppose.
ROD
Then, m’lady. I bid you good night.
Rod turns and makes for the door. He fishes a card from a
pocket and leaves it on the table.
RAPUNZEL
Look, hang on there, old boy.
The...eh...night is young. Perhaps
I could make some more tea. Or a
whisky, if that is more your style?
ROD
Well, I rather...
RAPUNZEL
Perhaps we should get to know a bit
about each other. Take the measure
of ourselves.
ROD
I suppose you’d like to approve the
cut of my jib? Is that it?
RAPUNZEL
Oh, well, rather more than that. We
might as well put the ships into
the fight, wouldn’t you say?
ROD
Well, I say, I’m not really
prepared for...RAPUNZEL
The ships might be safe in harbor,
but that’s not why we build them.
Too right, eh?
ROD
Well, my dear, I’m rather concerned
that a whisky here and another
there, and...eh...tongues may wag.
RAPUNZEL
Come on, Buckaroo! Push the chips
into the middle. You’ve got a
winning hand! Come, I’ll show you
my digs.
ROD
Uh, gosh! I really must go. Thank
you for the tea. I hope to see you
on Friday. Good evening.
Rod hurries out and closes the door.
Rapunzel looks at the closed door, the flowers and finally
finds the card. She reads the card, with name and number.
RAPUNZEL
Well, almost had him. Next time, I
guess.
END.