You ask the questions, and we help you find the answers. Kids Ministry Answers is hosted by Dr. Linda Moon and Jason Sivewright from Stuff You Can Use! Every episode features a question about kids ministry submitted by ministry leaders, kids pastors, and volunteers! Got a question about leading your kids ministry or training volunteers? Visit kma.show to send it in — your question might be featured in an upcoming episode!
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Hey everyone, welcome to Kids Ministry Answers. My name is Linda
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and my name is Jason and this is the podcast where you ask the questions and
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we help you find the answers. If you're tuning in for the first time,
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welcome, welcome, welcome. Jason and I are both pastors and also parents, which
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makes today's question especially relatable. So before we jump into the
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question of the day, let's start here. Hey Jason, what is a parenting I don't
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like saying like win or fail. So like what is like a parenting moment you had
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this week? So I have one that's actually like a
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little bit of both. I think it actually happened today. So I dropped
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my boys off at school this morning. I have two boys, first grade and fifth
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grade. And uh we usually like do our hugs goodbye and everything and they're
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going to a new school so it's been kind of stressful to acclimate and stuff and
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we usually do the hugs goodbye and today they just bolted on me and just ran
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right into the school building without hugs or goodbye which I think is a win
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because they obviously feel good about their school and they want to get in
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there. They want to get going. sad for me because I wanted the hug and I loved
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you. But yeah,
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it's all good. I just kind of yelled after them for a second.
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Yeah. Cried in the car on the way home. But uh yeah, so kind of a win and a
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fail, I guess, in a way. Oh, I know. Those moments seem so small,
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but you know, it like sets the tone for the day and you know, you don't have
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like so many of those moments left. Yeah. When I do my drop off, I'm always
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like yelling at the kids. I'm like, "I love you. Say it back."
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That's what I did. That's what I did. I love you.
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They're like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
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yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get in there."
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That's so funny. Uh, my interesting parenting moment was
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recently we were at Disneyland and we got in line for one of the rides and it
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turned out to be a lot longer than we had anticipated. So, we're like, "Oh,
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let's just go do something else." So, we walked backwards out of the line and
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then my husband found like an exit gate that would just lead us back out. Um,
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but it said emergency exit on it. And so, while we're like, "Oh, let's just go
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out this way." My older son, he was like, "No, that's for emergency exits.
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This is not an emergency. We're not allowed to go out that way." And I was
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like, "Just go. Just go through the gate. It's fine."
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And it was so funny cuz like my urgency to get out of this line superseded the
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fact that my son was actually kind of doing a good thing.
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I was just like it's okay. It's all right. Let's just go.
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Yeah. It was kind of like a win/fail moment for me too.
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Both of ours were wins fails. Maybe that's how parenting goes, you know.
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Yeah. You know what? You're right. I think there's a lot more of those than
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we think about. Right. So,
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Right. Right. Right. for sure. Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing that with
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me. Today's listener question has to do with connecting with funny parents like
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us. So, let's hear it. Hi, I'm An Velasquez and I'm one of the
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kids elementary leads. I'm from Los Angeles and I want to know how do I get
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parents more involved in our ministry? Hey from California, fellow Californian
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over here. Thank you so much for asking the question. Um, this one hits home
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kind of literally because parents, as you are well aware, can be the hardest
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group to engage sometimes, right? And I think a lot of times um it's
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really hard to think about what involved actually looks like for each of our
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different contexts. Like how involved do we want them to be? Sometimes we're
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like, you're doing too much and sometimes it's like, you're not doing
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enough. And we know that empirically our kids
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ministries can't function without families. But then in kind of like the
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hustle and bustle of ministry, we often forget that parents exist and we kind of
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just overlook that kid's entire ecosystem
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or we just kind of get frustrated by parents. We're like, why are you not
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involved? Why are you not doing the thing? So I think to answer this
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question, I think maybe we need to like flip the script, right? Instead of
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thinking like parents need to follow our lead and just like get it right, instead
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of just expecting them to do all of that,
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what if we work on like earning their trust and building a relationship with
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them first? Exactly. Yeah, I think you're exactly
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right. um that trust and that relationship is the a great way to go
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about it because once you've established that trust and built that relationship
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then the asks right the inviting them to things inviting them to be a bigger part
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of the ministry that feels a whole lot easier and more natural when you've
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already got the trust and the relationship built
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right but that doesn't happen on accident it
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doesn't just happen it doesn't happen overnight you really have to have
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a strategy to go about this. So, that's what we're
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going to talk about. We're going to talk about four ways that we can better
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engage with the parents in our ministry. Yeah, I'm excited to dive into that.
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Okay, so Jason, where would you say is the best place to start for ministry
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leaders wanting to get more parent involvement?
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Okay, so here's where we'd start. Number one for me is that we make events that
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are specifically for parents. So these are like events that have an environment
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that gets parents connected with your ministry but also with their kids or
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even better if it can connect both things at the same time. So with their
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kids and with what's going on in your ministry at the same time. So some
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examples of these events might be like uh open houses, um parent and small
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group leader breakfasts to connect your parents to the leaders in your ministry
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who are going to be talking to their kids and also parent workshops to
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provide them all the information that they need about what's going on. give
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them practical training and some disciplehip ideas. And some ways that
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you can kind of work this into your calendar if you're thinking about doing
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it that way is like in August you can do an open house which is great because
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then new families are coming in and you can invite them in that way. In October
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you could do a parent and small group breakfast to kind of introduce them to
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the volunteers that are in your ministry, the leaders that your kids
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will be interacting with. And maybe in January you start doing those parent
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workshops because at that point you've built some trust, you've gained some
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relationship, you can really start doing some practical training, giving them
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some ideas for disciplehip with their kids.
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So I I would add this though. Um these are ideas specifically for
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parents. Excuse me. So these are ideas specifically for parents, but all our
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events should include parents, right? Like that is the idea behind this. So
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these parent specific events will hopefully inspire the parents
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to get more involved in all of the events that you're doing throughout the
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whole year. Yeah, I like that you added that because
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most of the events that we do for kids, it's not in isolation from their
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families and parents. You know, they need to bring them to the event, right?
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They need to probably hopefully not. They need to volunteer probably at some
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of the stations or help out with food and whatnot. But yeah, setting up these
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other parent specific events like really gives them that buy in for oh, how else
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can I get involved? One time I had a parent workshop at our church and I
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didn't really think that a lot of people would come because it was on the weekend
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and it feels like a lecture, but we had a surprisingly good turnout. even people
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bringing like friends who didn't go to our church at the time. And I thought
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that was really interesting because I mean right now more than ever there are
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so many resources out there like so many YouTube videos and reals and whatnot,
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but I think that at some point all of us kind of crave that like human connection
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and interaction and they really want to hear some helpful things from someone
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who knows them, who knows their kid and someone that they already trust. So
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these events can really be a good stepping stone into building that trust.
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Yeah. Yeah. Similarly, uh we recently did baptisms at our church. Um and
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obviously we provided resources and stuff for parents to look at and
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familiarize themselves with leading up to that event. But we also did these
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parent specific meetings to provide them with some context about baptism. Uh make
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them feel comfortable with what was going to go down. And so those were very
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well attended. I think for the same reason because they wanted to hear from
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us personally and that was a great opportunity
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to build some trust and gain relationship with them,
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right? And you don't assume that they already know everything about baptism
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and everything there is to know to prepare their kid for this step. So
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yeah, that's amazing. So yeah, events are a great way to create those touch
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points, but we all know that a few events throughout the year just aren't
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enough to maintain that connection with our parents and families. So how can we
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keep parents in the loop when they're not asked to be at an event?
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Exactly. So number two is communicating with parents. And obviously the idea
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here is that you don't want the only time you communicate with parents to be
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like those two or three three parent events that you have or really any
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event. You want to keep a constant and consistent communication line open
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with your with your parents. And so that means you have to have these consistent
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touch points of communication. So again, here are some ideas for that. Uh the one
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that I think is very important but we don't often do is an annual survey. And
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this is just a survey you give to parents to kind of learn their
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preferences. Like don't guess at how they like to be communicated with. And
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you can just ask them like, "Do you want text? Do you want emails? Do you want a
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Facebook group?" You get this information and then you can communicate
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in the best possible way to actually get their attention and get their
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engagement. Um, but regardless of how that survey comes out, we definitely
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recommend that you do monthly emails. So, this is just a great thing to like
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centralize all that's going on in a month and put it all in one place. You
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can point parents to it um with the other places you're communicating them
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with and and basically just say, "Hey, check out the monthly email. If you're
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not getting them, let me know." And that's an awesome place to have a
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centralized communication kind of hub. And also, it's good to repurpose your
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content weekly. So, what you can do is you can take snippets from your monthly
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email and put it in those other forms of communication and it just kind of gives
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you that more consistent uh communication with them throughout the
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month. Not just that one monthly email, but all those little things that are
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going into texts and and Facebook groups and such. And there are other tools like
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handbooks and tip videos, which I know tip videos seem very very complicated to
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make, but you can be really simple. just don't go overboard with production. And
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once you make those, you can repurpose repurpose them over and over again, too.
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So, those are also really cool. Um, these are just some ideas. Um, the
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thing is you want to keep those lines of of
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communication open between you and parents. You just don't ever want
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parents thinking like, man, I haven't heard from Pastor Jason in a while.
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Like, what is going on over there? Uh so these constant touch points they just
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help to deal with that but they also can be tools to keep your parents engaged
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throughout the year. Yeah, I know. I personally
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shy away from communicating because being a parent and being on the
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receiving ends of a lot of like the school communicates, it's really
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overwhelming sometimes and I come I come with this like in like inherent fear of
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oh my goodness, what if I'm like inundating them with too much
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information? But honestly, like overcommunication is better than no
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communication. So, like these tools are super helpful. Do you have a favorite
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one? I do. I think my favorite one is the
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Facebook groups. Um, I just think it's great because
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it doesn't only provide a place where you can put the information that you
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want to share, but it also gives them kind of a forum to share with each
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other. And so, it's a great way to kind of do
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two things at once. It's like you're sharing information, but you're also
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building some camaraderie between the parents themselves cuz they can share
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with each other and give ideas and we can share a ride and stuff like that.
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So, I think Facebook groups are a great place to kind of communicate with your
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parents. Yeah, it's funny cuz like nobody really
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uses Facebook anymore, but there's no other tool that does what Facebook
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groups does or maybe not as easy to use as Facebook groups.
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Yeah. And those of you guys who use Grow, we do have something called Grow
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Hubs, which does have a similar function, so you can also check that
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out. But we'll talk about that a little more later.
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Yep. Got to do it.
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Um, these are super helpful ideas. So, we're making events for parents and just
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having them as easy onramps for them to get involved. uh we communicate with
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parents at kind of like a rhythm and a pace that works for us so they can stay
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in the know and we stay connected to them. What would be the next level up
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from that you think? Okay, so number three is spending time
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with parents. So little warning sign here. I think this might be the one that
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seems like the least fun to do for some of us.
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The introvert in me is like ah no. Exactly. Exactly. And also we have to
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know this might not be the best for parents either but doing this right can
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really be effective in our ministries. So here are some suggestions for doing
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this. The first one is parent meetings. And I know when you say parent meets
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like dun like yeah we have to do them. And I think the problem with parent
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meetings is that we often fill them with information that we just could have put
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in an email or we could have put somewhere else. So we don't want to do
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that. Like instead we want to save our parent meetings for big moments like
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orientations, big events that are coming up, times of
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crisis. And that way you make sure this information is included and it's
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expected from parents, but you also can hear from them about all the feelings
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they're having, the things that they're they're dealing with around these big
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events that are coming up. So it doesn't feel like something that could just been
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done over email cuz it's centered around these big
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events. So I think that's a big one. And doing them right, they can really be
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effective. I know they can seem scary, but if you do them right and don't do
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them all the time, then they can be really good. Uh, another one that I I
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don't feel like people do a lot of is parent discussion groups. I think this
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is really a cool one that uh yeah, people don't practice it cuz basically
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the idea is just like small gatherings with parents. So, uh, coffees or
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desserts or like chicken wings or whatever you want to do where like
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parents just interact with each other. They just get to know each other. They
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can talk about uh they can share experiences. They can share wisdom. And
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if you spread like two or three of these throughout the year, it's a great way to
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like help your parents know each other. And if they know each other, then
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they'll be more likely to be involved in your ministry together.
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Um and then this last one is probably the biggest one that is
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scary, and that is parent conversations. Like the one- on-one. Yes, introverts
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aren't going to love this one. Um, but again, it's something we have to do. Um,
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especially moments of crisis, if you're having behavior issues, concerns that
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you have, uh, recruitment for big things that are coming up. And in these combos,
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we just have to be ready to be open, honest, and direct. And we need to ask
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those questions that will allow us to give them feedback, but also we can get
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like we can get feedback like receive feedback from them.
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And uh another shameless plug here is that and I think this is great
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especially for our introverted folks, but at Grow we have the parent
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conversation guides who give you like they give you like an idea for the
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conversations you might have and things that you might say. Uh, I think that's
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so important. I know if I go into a conversation, I at least want to have an
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idea for what I might say if certain questions come up. So, I think that's a
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great way to do it. Yeah, having a guide is such a game
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changer. And I love that how it is. It is scary. It is intimidating, but like
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we've been saying so far is if we have been really working hard to earn the
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trust of the parents and their caregivers. Like it's it's going to be a
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lot more natural. It's going to it's not going to feel like this dreaded
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one-on-one I got called to the principal's office kind of moment, but
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more like, hey, we're just chatting with a friend. Talk to me about your kid. I
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love your kid. You love your kid. Let's talk about them. And it's going to be a
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really great way to connect. So I I really like how especially the part
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where you talked about discussion groups and how we can create spaces where like
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families can connect with each other because well one they do have a lot of
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like shared wisdom and experiences that they can impart like even more than what
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we can provide but also like when they kind of get to know each other like that
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then they're more likely to get involved because like now I have a friend who's
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going to be at this event too so they can like volunteer together they can
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carpull to events and I think It's a really great way to foster like genuine
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connection. Exactly. Yeah. I I think that's
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underutilized. People don't do this a lot, but those discussion groups cuz we
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know being pastors and parents that parenting can be lonely. It can be a
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very lonely thing to do. And so you can kind of combat that with these
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discussion groups. And it's a great way, like you said, to have them come
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volunteer because they got to know that parent and now they're friends. And so
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they're creating relationship and they're creating trust with each other
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and that will help your ministry overall. So
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yeah, for sure. I remember uh a while back I was really struggling with trying
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to get learning accommodations for one of my kids and I really didn't know how
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to go about it. Like the resources on them were so hard to find. But then like
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I connected with a few parents and they're like, "Oh yeah, yeah. I went
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through this with my two older kids. Let me tell you how." And it was like
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amazing. like, "Oh, I could just ask people for help. This is really cool."
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Yeah. Yeah. It seems so obvious, but if you can set up set that up for parents,
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then it helps make some big problems not seem as big when they can tackle them
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together. Yeah, I would even add like setting up
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like a WhatsApp or a group chat, too, so those kinds of discussions can continue
19:55
outside of your designated meeting times. So, that would be really fun.
20:00
Um, for sure. Okay, these are all so good. Is there anything else we can do
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to let parents know how much we value them and really need them in our
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ministry? Yes. Yes. Number four is celebrate
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parents. I think this is such an awesome way
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to let parents know that you're thinking about them and that you are on their
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side. So, some very kind of simple ideas for that is birthdays. And
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it's one thing to just say like, "Happy birthday, Bob. Hope you're doing great."
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But you can also take the opportunity to affirm parents through these these
20:38
birthdays, like send a personal note to them to let them know you saw something
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they did. And so hopefully this birthday is great and I want to affirm you real
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quick. Another cool way to do this is holidays, which obviously you have like
20:51
Christmas and Easter. So, you want to sure you want to be sure to reach out.
20:55
But also like those silly quirky ones like unicorn day or paper airplane day.
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I love those. Yeah. Yeah. They're really super fun. And when
21:06
you reach out um and and like let them know, hey, it's this crazy wacky
21:11
holiday, but you can also encourage them to do something fun with their kiddos on
21:16
that day. So, you're kind of again two things at the same time. you're
21:21
celebrating a parent, letting them know that you know what they mean to you, but
21:26
also giving them an idea, encouraging them to interact with their kiddos. And
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so that's a great thing, too. Um, some things that you definitely want to
21:35
incorporate in these celebrations, food, because we all know
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absolutely food is a love language.
21:42
It's never a bad thing to have food. uh fun because when you it might seem like
21:48
obviously you want things to be fun, but helping parents to have fun with their
21:53
kiddos each day is a real easy way to get in good with parents and let them
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like honor them. Let them know that you're on their side.
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And then like I said before, just encouragement. Man, parenting is hard.
22:06
Parenting is difficult. And so anything you can do to just let them know that
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you're seeing their hard work, that you appreciate them, that you support what
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they're doing, uh is just great, a great way to celebrate parents and let them
22:19
know that, hey, you're you're noticing how great of a job they're doing and how
22:23
much you appreciate them parenting those great kiddos that you have.
22:29
Yeah, I love what you said about how these things can help them like just
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affirm the fact that you are on their side because that is so helpful because
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a lot of times that gets missed in translation and sometimes like parents
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and ministry leaders are at odds with each other. It's like, oh, that's your
22:48
job. No, that's your job. Um, I remember one time my my son's like fifth grade
22:53
teacher uh told me, tell me what kind of language you use at home. So like we can
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replicate that in the learning environment for him at school so that
23:02
he's kind of getting the same messaging. And I thought that was so powerful to
23:05
hear to be like, "Oh, okay. This teacher really wants to partner with me to help
23:11
my child." And I think that's really what we're doing here is creating these
23:16
opportunities for engagement and having parents get involved is really just to
23:20
show them that yeah, we are on the same team and we are here to love your child
23:25
and to help them grow. And this is such a great way to do that. I love I love
23:31
the weird holidays. Like I think that's so unique and I think that you know just
23:36
to be like, "Hey, it's National Doughnut Day here. Have a donut." It's just so
23:40
interesting and it just really gets people engaged. I think that's really
23:44
fun. Yeah. I mean, the the paper airplane one
23:48
must like seem a little wacky, but it's such a cool idea to like send a text and
23:54
be like, "Hey, probably didn't know it, but it's paper airplane day. Take a
23:58
second today and like make a paper airplane with your kiddo." And as you're
24:02
doing that, I just want you to know that that time you take is so important to
24:06
them. So, you're encouraging them, you're getting them to hang out with
24:09
your kids, and yeah, like you said, kind of blurring the lines
24:13
between the everyday life they have with their kiddos and the ministry that
24:17
they're a part of at church. And that's really the idea behind this is you want
24:21
those things to feel interconnected. Yes, absolutely. And don't know how to
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fold a paper airplane? Here's a template. Here's a video.
24:28
Exactly. Exactly. Scaffold it as much as you can.
24:34
Amazing. So, we've walked through four practices today to help uh parents get
24:39
more involved in ministry. We said we're going to make events for parents. We're
24:44
going to communicate with parents. We're going to spend time with parents and
24:48
love it and celebrate parents. And I love how powerful this becomes when we
24:55
like put it on the calendar and turn it into strategy and we're not just trying
24:58
to do it on a whim cuz that way instead of like just hoping please parents show
25:04
up, we can like earn and keep their trust and have this relationship with
25:08
them year after year. Yeah. Yeah. And for me, like putting
25:13
these things on the calendar releases me from the guilt that I'm not doing enough
25:18
to engage parents in my ministry. It just lets me know.
25:22
It is very real. It is very real. And if you're not like active, you know, then
25:28
you can feel like, hey, I'm not doing enough. But if you put it on the
25:31
calendar, it also lets you know that the work you're going to put into that is
25:34
going to get you the biggest impact possible. Um, so yeah.
25:39
All right, Jason. Thank you so much for this helpful and awesome conversation.
25:44
Before we wrap up today's episode, I got to ask you, what are you into right now?
25:50
Okay, so it's probably not going to be the most popular thing for like half of
25:54
our listeners, but sports, sports, sports, man. Football's starting,
26:00
baseball's going on, even the US Open and tennis is going on. It is so much
26:05
fun to be watching sports these days. So, that is really what I'm into. I know
26:11
it's kind of a bummer, but what about you, Linda? What are you into?
26:14
All the sports fanatics are like, "Yes, Jason's our guy."
26:18
Yes, exactly. I'm with you guys. I love pretending to know about sports.
26:24
I don't know enough to actually engage in conversation. However,
26:28
Linda wants to trick you. Linda won our company competition last night last year
26:35
picking football team winners beat me at the very end. So she knows more than she
26:41
lets on for sure. Yes. Yes. I um come to me with all your
26:46
picks. Actually, don't do that. The secret is I asked my husband for help.
26:53
Okay. Uh what am I into? I am into of course these little Loo Boos. For those
26:59
of you guys who are just listening on audio, I'm holding up my Lab Boooo dolls
27:04
and I resisted getting the Loo Boos for so long because I thought
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they just kind of look like the Where the Wild Things Are Creatures and I was
27:13
like, they're not that cute. But then like with a possibility of
27:16
dressing them up and making a bag accessory, I was like, let's do this.
27:21
I'm full sense. So, I have been really into my laboos.
27:26
Okay. Yeah, that's great. I feel like we balanced it out. Like people that don't
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like the part, don't like the VOU dolls, we we we got everyone. Yeah, that's
27:37
great. Yeah. Tell us tell us what you like
27:39
better. Anyway, that's all. Thank you all so
27:43
much for listening. Thank you, Anen, for your question today. If you have a
27:48
ministry question that you want us to talk about next, make sure to send us a
27:51
voicemail. You can find that link in our show notes as well. All right, till next
27:55
time, everyone. Bye bye.