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Join Rem and Alvia as they navigate the joys and perils of adulthood as a married millennial DINK couple in the Philippines, while also trying to break the stigma against the DINK lifestyle or being childless by choice. We tackle challenges like facing adult responsibilities, managing finances, growing careers, breaking generational traumas, generating social impact, cultivating relationships, and determining who should be washing the dishes.
DINKWAP stands for Dual-Income No Kids with a Podcast!
Are you a DINK, SINK, or DINK-curious? Join us at DINK Lifestyle Philippines.
I was not
included in the
decision.
Then when there was a problem, we had to solve it as a family.
"What the hell? We didn't even decide to join!"
"I just
found out about that!"
"We have that kind of thing!"
All of a sudden, you had a problem.
Sometimes,
all of their salaries are directly to the
parents.
In Klapno? - Yes.
We met at a college.
He gave us 500 pesos.
Wow. - He sometimes eats it.
He sends it to his family.
We were in college. - Wow.
He was there long before he graduated.
Wow. - It's
like...
the dinkwap show dual income no kids with a podcast
hello and welcome to another episode of the dinkwap show and we are your hosts i am rem
i'm Okay, bye!
I'm still not used to it.
I just got
used to it because,
what's our topic?
No, we talked about it in the past episodes, about the".
And they
call it in English, "failure to
launch."
It's not that big deal in the Philippines
because it's the opposite.
Instead of having children who are independent, that's the extreme.
They're being forced to go outside.
But this one, they're trying to put a leash
on
the children.
Although we helped out our parents while
we
were there, they weren't dependent on us.
So technically,
you're just helping them pay for their stay.
They're subsidized.
It's like boarding lodging.
It's
just that it's small.
Instead of if
you're going to live on your own.
But that's not the case with most of the situations.
-That's right.
-So
some people, you know, they don't even graduate yet and they're still saying, "Oh, you're a girl, you're so
beautiful." Things like that.
I think that's also a factor.
So some people are not able to do anything else.
-Yeah.
-Because
sometimes, all of their salaries are directly to their
parents.
-That's right.
-It's a bit of a coincidence, right?
-Yeah.
Because we had a friend who we knew from college.
-Yeah.
Even though he's still like that, even though
he's
already paid a lot of money, right?
Right.
And
then he's already sick.
And then he's talking to his friend
or us.
And he's like, "You can't do that. You have to first take care of yourself." Yes.
"Even if you need your family, how can you die there?"
"You
know, you don't have enough nutrition in your body."
Yeah.
That's
what he said to her. He really talked about that.
Because in college, you only earn a little.
So you just give what you can.
So when he started working, I was like, "What's happening? Why is it still like that?" You're still living...
You don't eat every day.
You work for others.
To support your family.
Not just
your family that you're building.
Not really.
Your family
that...
I mean, you cannot discount if you really need a family.
But why
do you have a burden?
Yes.
It's like that.
You're still starting, right?
As for him, how do you eat?
Even if you don't have that on you.
That's it.
Those things.
And actually, I have a lot of profiles like that in my life.
Really?
Actually, and my friends.
Especially when they're in Fresh Grad, they don't really save.
Because their money was enough.
And the rest...
-It's so sad.
-Because...
They said their salary to their parents.
-That's where you're wrong.
-Their parents counted.
-That's
where you're wrong.
-So they counted the
contribution.
Again, I'm not encouraging you to be stingy.
But...
-Yeah.
-You also need to...
Right?
You can't leave the house.
And you're not just...
I have friends who have the privilege of not supporting their family.
They can buy
a car and travel immediately.
Others understandably think that they're FOMO
because
they need to give to their parents.
Sometimes, they need to borrow because there's an emergency at home.
So at
least I'm
in the position that I can borrow sometimes.
But that's it. Your hard work is all there.
That's what I appreciate about my parents.
Although, of course, there are some things that are
said about it.
Because of course,
that's the norm of society.
The
child
should be the one to give.
But they
didn't enforce it.
Even if they did, I still have a hard time.
Because I know that it shouldn't be like that.
You as a parent, your responsibility is to be self-sufficient for your children.
You don't
rely on them. They will build
their own life
and pass it forward.
For us, it's like contributing to the household.
But
it's so subsidized.
For
example,
if you have food that you want to eat outside of what
you buy
at home, it's up to you.
And your daily transport
when you
work.
When you work, that's it.
That's what we did. We didn't give half of your salary.
-We didn't enforce it.
-To be
fair, I only told my salary to the first person.
Then I knew the modus.
I didn't tell it.
I didn't tell it
ever.
My
salary.
-Guys, it's not going to be soil.
You just...
-You have to look out for yourself.
You should know how your parents treat you.
And
if you're going to help, you should help.
You should give them extra.
They shouldn't be forced.
There are many people who are unfortunately forced.
For example,
one parent is working and the financial situation is not that
good.
They know that when they work, it's not just for the family.
They can't be separated.
That's
okay.
And you'll understand because you need to help the family.
Okay, okay, given, given.
But what about when the family is okay, but they still get something?
There's that.
It's like, what else?
You're still gaslighted.
Of course, we know that.
We're in a delisery.
Sometimes, he gets angry but he just hears that his friends and children are
giving money to him.
I also heard that.
It's like, "He's so good." That's why he's also seen on TV.
He's giving a lot to his children.
"They're so good." "The parents
are good."
You're so annoying.
It's a good thing
that the
parents give
their children money.
But again,
when we first worked, there were a lot of people in my role.
Breadwinner.
So it's weird for them that I, although I give to my parents, they give me Christmas gifts, my birthday.
They're like, "Huh? You're giving me a gift?"
Something like that.
Breadwinner is so romanticized here.
I was also taken by my dad before.
But it
was on the way.
My dad was also working here.
He didn't put
extra effort to take me.
Our
fathers were still in the traffic.
There's a sticker.
White planes
and you're outside.
You're
in Corinthians.
The whole Ortigas
extension. - You passed it.
There's nothing. - Yeah.
It's still a favor.
We're grateful to our fathers.
Thank you for joining us.
But
yeah, it's like...
Some of them offered their parents that they'll be their allowance.
Yeah. - For
all of you.
It's
hard. - It's like, go.
But yeah, you have to think of yourself.
Because if your goal eventually fell, how will you save it?
And it's not selfish.
If
you fix yourself first, if you're okay, you'll be more
helpful.
You'll be more helpful.
Your capacity
to help in the future is bigger.
But if you don't do that, if you don't have anything left, You're impairing the possibility
that
you'll give a bigger amount.
And I told you that even your needs are not covered.
So
it's more dangerous, right?
What if something happens to you?
Especially if you're not able to manage the money you're giving.
Yeah, the expenses.
We
know this, right?
For example, your father is drunk.
He's drinking.
They were beaten,
they were beaten, they were beaten.
Oh my.
Oh my.
We've watched it before.
Marsh!
We both laughed.
I
was beaten hard.
But...
We've watched it before.
The gaming themed one on Netflix.
Ah, that.
It's Luisa Andalio.
She's Andalio,
right?
I don't know.
She's Luisa.
She's one of those...
She's an e-gamer.
She's with Corin...
Is her name Corin?
Corin Garcia.
Oh my God.
Corin Galsia.
You're Korean.
Reverse Korean.
So, she's here.
He was also seen there. He was working. He needed his money. He gave it to his parents.
I mean, he was just his mother.
Then, his mother was being abused.
She
was being drunk.
Then, when he was getting older, He was being abused.
He was being abused even now.
So, that's how it is. He's like the representative of...
We heard that saying, "When
you're
a kid, we'll give you everything you want." That's
right. It's a common theme because that's the reflection of our society.
True.
At
least in normal society.
It's okay when it's on TV.
The problem is, last time, his parents realized that he was wrong.
That's the
untrue.
He returned the money.
He
returned the money.
He said, "This is yours. We can do this." Wow. It didn't happen.
It's true.
This is a movie with no story.
Fiction.
But we
enjoyed the movie.
It's a happy surprise.
Except for that part.
Not really.
Not really.
I don't know.
Your mom suddenly got
drunk.
"Oh,
she's gay, sure, sure."
And the worst, actually for me, we know that their parents' debt,
they ended up paying it.
They just wrote it down, they didn't tell them.
Until it was too late, they were the ones who paid.
Then they
just said, "Oh, by the way, your parents already have debt."
It's like, "Oh, it's just a obligation." And
they called each other "brothers" and I was like, "What are you talking about?"
There was no remorse.
He was proud.
We had a loan because I had to pay for everything.
It was so embarrassing.
It was like they were ashamed of one of their siblings.
Because
I forgot, he was working in the hospital.
-Yes, he was a doctor.
-Yes, and of course, they have debts.
-Oh, they gave him his salary.
-So, of course, he has a little bit of shame.
-And I think they don't have a choice.
-Yeah,
they don't have a choice.
I just gave them a loan.
-And it's huge. It's like a credit card.
But if they're like, "I'm not the one who's there." I'll
just say, "Whatever,
I'll leave." That's how tough I am.
But
it's unfair.
But we're unfair.
You're not solid in the decision.
That's why all of them are siblings.
They don't tell you how much they earn.
Because they're just...
That's
the most annoying part.
You're not included in the decision, but you're included in the...
You're not included in the decision, you're not included in the fun.
But you're included in the consequences.
No, you're not included
in There's a problem that we need to solve as a family.
"What the hell? You decided to not join us!"
"Pam, I just found out that we have this kind of thing."
"You suddenly have a problem with everything."
And then there are also things that we also learned from our families.
Not just from our families, but from our relatives.
We have some relatives who explicitly go out of the country so
that
their parents won't be able to control them.
Yeah, so
that's it. It's not about money, guys.
Yeah, because they have money.
Their careers are okay here.
They're okay.
Their parents don't have money, but they have control over their
lives.
Because first of all, they live in the house.
They don't want to be sent away.
And
second, if they want to leave, they don't want to let them.
It's funny, when you're leaving, why do you have to say goodbye?
Why do they have that kind of control over them?
That you can't leave until
we...
We're getting married soon. There are
still
power struggles.
Yeah,
that's hard. But I can't say I'm a rebel.
But...
Did your And what we hear people say is, "You're going to be fired."
And why do you have to leave? We're okay here at home.
It's
still a level 1 thing. But the things like, "You're going to be
fired." "You're going to be fired."
Those kind of things.
You're not going to be recognized as a child
anymore.
You don't want to be part of this family anymore.
It's like an emotional hostage.
True.
Then, when they left, they said, "We will give you the money, don't leave." But it's not
about money.
It's not about
money. So it continued.
It
continued.
One
of our acquaintances gave his address to his parents abroad.
It's like you're trying to get in the
grip of your parents.
And I think until now, their parents don't understand
why they did that.
They feel offended about it.
That's right.
That's right. They don't trust enough to decide for yourself what to do with your life.
That's
why you need to say goodbye.
It's like before you move to another job, you need to say goodbye.
Because that's what they
told me.
They
told me that I don't include them when I decide.
I decided before I say it.
And I decided to make it.
Right?
Why would I consider that?
That's my career.
Even if I want to study, I'm the one who makes myself study.
I was angry back then.
Why?
You're offended that you're the one who's talking.
I'm so blind.
That's what I laugh about.
Our actions.
When I decided, I didn't think that I'll be a bad rep to my parents.
I'll study in MS. I'll study myself.
For them to be angry.
You're not being selfish but I didn;t decide with the intention to spite my parents.
What's
wrong with studying? What's wrong with shifting careers?
I didn't feel like I could last in that career.
So I moved.
They asked, "Why did you move? We haven't talked to each other." I was like, "Why?"
Why were you with them?
Why?
Right?
Why?
I don't know.
I said, "I'm only 30. I'll get a
job." That's why I became motivated to be
independent
financially.
Because if you have anything that you need from your parents, they'll give it back to you.
In some way or form.
First of all, in the worship service.
Yes, in the worship service.
In the worship service and in control.
That's why I said that when I was already working, I didn't ask for help financially.
Aside from living in their house,
using their
car, etc.
I didn't ask for
money.
-When I was already a graduate, I didn't ask for money.
-Because I don't want to end
my
career.
Because I'm already working. I need to build on myself that I depend on myself.
That's my only point and I'm offended.
And what I often tell them when they
say that they might have
a future, "That's up to
you." Me too. I'm okay with that.
"I'm okay with that. I'm working.
I'm building my career so you don't have to worry about that."
If you
really want to give, go. But you don't have to do that to
me. You've already done your part.
I want to tell my siblings to remove me from the divisor.
That's right.
But apparently, estate planning is not allowed.
You have to.
You have to split it.
I
think you can waive it.
And if
you have a written agreement, it's okay.
We can talk to your siblings about it.
Yes.
If ever there's
a problem.
If there's any, I'll say, "You should spend it now." -It's up to you. -It's up to you. Enjoy
it.
I mean, you raised us well.
Even though we were
like
brothers and sisters.
But it was fine. We were self-sustaining.
We know
that it's a bit overboard.
We don't get addicted to drugs. It's not like that.
-He drinks.
No.
So,
it's not really there.
He can't even buy a new item.
It's not really there.
If he
doesn't have a heatstroke, he can't air-con the TV.
He'll have to press the appliance. It's really long.
Which is okay.
You threw it already. It'll still resurrect.
It'll come back.
It's still here.
It'll resurrect.
It's like a mold.
Sometimes, Rem throws it in our house.
Yes.
Because it comes back.
-Why? -Your brother
is saying, They were so...
It was not minimalistic because it was minimalistic in a way.
It was
inadequate.
-The things you said were inadequate. -Yes, inadequate.
Our parents' generation really hoard even
the topperware.
The oil is not even clean.
You can't even understand the smell. They don't want to throw it away.
I thought we were wearing topperware.
I just called it topperware.
What are those?
The ones that you take
out?
Yeah, those.
We rarely wear topperware because it's expensive.
Usually, it's a gift.
What is that tag here?
It's like a status symbol.
Wow!
It's dangerous. I might get bitten.
You know the old
Tupperware, the three of them?
The
coffee, sugar, and
creamer.
Actually, it's
not.
It depends on the milk, not the
creamer.
It was so... "Wow, you have that?" It was displayed
on the table.
My gosh.
It's so funny.
But it's like...
You know, our generation is minimalist.
Because we grew up with clutter.
So it's all in its own way.
Well anyway, we've reached the end of our episode.
So...
What do we say?
So if you
have plans to be independent, Just
cry.
It's
hard.
Equip yourself.
It's not that you're being selfish but at the end of the day, you're the one who's helping you.
And when you're like that, your parents will be there to support you.
You need to be strong inside.
You know, after a while, it's because you're being supported that it doesn't have an effect.
That's why I'm used to it.
You're immune.
I was only 16.
I was so shocked.
But you know, now that I'm sending messages
that are painful...
You can compute. When we got married,
years ago, he was 36.
His
parents still messaged me.
I mean, now, I'm just laughing because they'll tell me.
Sometimes, I post on Facebook, they think it's about them.
This is a podcast, of course, it's about them.
We're really fighting.
But
it's more of storytelling.
Again,
the intention is not to spite
or cause hate
to your parents.
You're just sharing your experience.
"Oh, what happened?" And it's
valid that our parents' feelings are valid but it's up to you to manage your feelings.
Indicover them.
How
you
process your feelings.
It's... right?
Maybe
we're okay with
people not
stealing
from the government.
Guys, it's election time. I hope I can upload this before the election.
It's a bit doubtful.
But we're good people. We try to be
as kind
to other people.
So we're okay.
Whatever their beliefs are, I know what I am.
So I know what they're saying.
You know what they're saying.
What
they're saying about me.
That's what they're seeing.
It's like your feelings.
Okay,
okay.
I'll reply to what they're saying.
For example, "Ma, do you want a cellphone? I have an extra one here."
Love you, son.
It's like that. Love you.
It's like that.
It dissipates.
I think that's the only way they can express their feelings.
They're not like a podcast.
That's right.
And also, in their time, they didn't talk about it.
They didn't
talk about how to
have some sort of outlet.
How to manage your
emotions.
We're
more aware of that.
Also,
while we're doing this podcast, we're able to express ourselves.
So, this is the end of the episode.
I'm glad you're still here.
Thank you and...
We're heart-hearted.
Heart-hearted.
That's what it is.
It's Valentine's Day.
It's our Valentine's Day.
We're not going to tell you
when we're going to post this.
Thank
you for listening and see you next episode.
Bye!
Bye-bye!
You were listening to The Dinkwap Show.