A LOT with Audra

What if the thing you want most is the thing you keep talking yourself out of?

This weekend, a walk with my husband turned into a full-on dissection of why we resist our own desires. Whether it's a bigger house, a new role, a book we want to write, or even something as simple as ordering a certain dessert — we are so quick to tell ourselves all the reasons we don't really want it. But what if underneath that dismissal is something worth listening to? What if the real reason we push our desires away isn't logic, but fear — specifically, the fear of how we'll feel if we go for it and don't get it? That's what we're unpacking today: how to get curious about what we truly want, examine the stories we tell ourselves, take aligned action, and build the emotional capacity to handle whatever outcome comes our way. Because the journey toward something we genuinely desire? That's what it's all about anyway.

Highlights:

  • Why we don't trust our own desires — and how influenced we might be by outside voices
  • The common stories we tell ourselves to talk us out of wanting what we want
  • Using the "bigger house" example to dig down to the real why behind a desire
  • How fear of failure (and fear of the feelings that come with failure) keeps us from trying
  • Why resilience matters — and how this applies to business owners, entrepreneurs, and aspiring authors
  • How emotional agility work (inspired by Susan David) changed the way I see feelings and action
  • The practice of getting curious about a desire, finding the core intention, and taking aligned action
  • Why failure is part of the game — and why the journey itself is the reward

Chapters:

1:03 — The Walk That Sparked It All
1:55 — Why Is It So Hard to Admit What We Want?
3:04 — Examining the Stories We Tell Ourselves
3:39 — Fear of Failure and the Bigger House Example
4:10 — Why We're Really Not Trying
5:52 — Resilience, Business, and the Book You Want to Write
6:15 — Emotional Agility and the Power of Managing Feelings
7:55 — Get Curious and Take Aligned Action
8:39 — Failure Is Part of the Game
9:44 — Farewell and Happy October

Resources:



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What is A LOT with Audra?

"A LOT with Audra" is the podcast for women juggling big dreams and full lives. Each episode, host, Audra Dinell, Midwestern wife, mom and neurodivergent multi-six figure entrepreneur encourages women to embrace their many roles holistically by living a values-based life with confidence and joy. Through candid discussions, practical strategies and inspiring stories, this podcast is your guide to designing and achieving success without losing yourself in the process.

Ep92
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Monday Walk Insight
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​[00:00:00]

Audra Dinell: [00:01:00] Hey, happy Monday. So this weekend I was on a walk with my husband, and we were having a conversation about allowing ourselves to want what we want.

Why We Doubt Desires
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Audra Dinell: And I think so often it can be easy to talk ourselves out of what we really want, whether it be the relationship or the role or the house or even something super small and simple like wearing a certain style or ordering a certain dessert And I just got really curious, like why do we not trust our desires?

Is it because we have too many of them? Is it because perhaps we're wondering [00:02:00] have we been influenced to want what we want? And we were kind of digging down into this conversation, and by we, I'm gonna be honest and say I, and my husband was happily, I think happily, listening as I was dissecting this. Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves at times what we want, what we really want?

Why do we talk ourselves out of wanting what we want? And one thought here is that we don't think we're good enough to get it, or we don't think it's available to us, or we're worried that We will try and not succeed And if we're having trouble really accepting, like, "You know what? I want this thing," but then our brain's [00:03:00] talking us out of, "No, here's all the reasons why you don't want the thing."

We can examine those stories that we're telling ourselves, right?

House Example Deep Why
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Audra Dinell: Okay, well, I want the bigger house. No, no, no, you don't really want the bigger house, and here's all the reasons why

So what's behind that? You know, do you really want the bigger house? And then you sort of like make your case for that. Well, you know, I want a house where, you know, my kids can invite their friends over and, you know, have some space and be more comfortable. And you start digging down and you realize like, okay, like that's, that is a real desire.

Like I, I'm going to allow myself to want what I want. So why was I talking myself out of it?

Fear Of Not Getting It
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Audra Dinell: Well, I'm not sure if what I actually want is going to be available to me. And so there's sort of like that, well, why aren't we trying fear of failure thing that, that hits [00:04:00] and can happen And at the end of all of that, like unwinding that thought, if you're still hanging in here with me, three minutes in, I may have lost some of you.

But if we're wanting what we want and we're examining it and deciding, oh yeah, there is a really strong why behind why I want this, so why am I trying to talk myself out of it? And we see that it's just one of our ugly little stories coming up. A lot of times, the reason I think we're not trying is not because we can't see it, but it's because we're scared of dealing with the feeling that we might have if we don't get it.

So I'm using the house as example because we're in the middle of a house renovation, so house stuff is on my mind. So letting myself want the house [00:05:00] and noticing when those scarcity thoughts come up of, oh, I don't know if I really want the house, you know. Digging beneath it and realizing, oh, I do because I want...

You know, the deeper why is connected to something that's really meaningful in my life. So can I reckon with the feelings that come if we want the thing, and we actively go for the thing, but we don't get the thing? So I guess all of this is to say, I think a lot of times we don't allow ourselves to really want what we want Because we're scared of dealing with the feelings that will come if we try and don't get it.

Resilience And Real Goals
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Audra Dinell: Now, of course, this is where resilience comes in. If we really want it, we're gonna go for it again. I also think this applies, [00:06:00] you know, when you're someone in business and you're wanting a job or you're an entrepreneur and you start a business and it doesn't work and you try again. Um, but in between maybe you talk yourself out of, "Oh, that really wasn't for me."

Or let's say you've always wanted to write a book, and, you know, eventually you can talk yourself out of wanting these things that maybe you do really, really want in your life. You sort of, like, stuff those desires down because of whatever story you're telling yourself. But I really think the thing that hit me on this walk that I wanted to share on this podcast is for all of us to be really careful of pushing our, our true desires down. Because we don't wanna deal with the uncomfortable feelings they come with.

Feelings Work And Avoidance
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Audra Dinell: I've been doing so much feelings work over the past couple of years, getting my emotional agility certification, uh, last year with Susan David, [00:07:00] and it is just so shocking to me how much of what I perceive happening comes down to feelings and being able to manage our emotional life.

And so much of the, you know, not trying or the fear or, like, the conflict comes from avoiding feeling our feelings or being scared of feeling them, and so avoiding taking action that could possibly lead to feeling these feelings. So to sum it all up, and thank you for hanging in here with me. I just thought, gosh, if this helps someone the way it helps me, I wanna share it today on a quick little Monday episode.

Curiosity And Aligned Action
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Audra Dinell: When we desire a thing. Let's not push it down. [00:08:00] Let's get curious about why we desire that thing. And it might not even be the thing, right? It might not even be the bigger house. It might be space for more family, and maybe that's not even physical space. Maybe that's just, you know, like a desire to gather more with family. So if we want, if we have a desire, let's get curious Let's see what the real core thing is underneath of that, and then let's think about the aligned actions we can take to make that desire a reality.

And let's get real with failure is a part of the game. It might not happen right away. It might not happen at all. But trusting ourselves enough to know if we have a desire and we're digging down and we know that that ... We know what the real intention is under the desire, the [00:09:00] real why is under the desire, let's listen to that.

Let's take aligned action towards that, and let's build our capacity to be able to manage ourselves and the feelings we feel or could potentially feel if we don't get it. Let's not avoid trying to get the thing that we desire so that we can avoid feeling potential feelings of failure. Let's work on our capacity to manage those feelings within ourself, knowing that working backwards, if we're taking aligned action towards a thing we really, truly desire, that journey is what it's all about anyways.

Okay.

Closing And October Vibes
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Audra Dinell: Have an excellent week. Happy October. I love the ber months. My family is so excited to decorate for Halloween and just get into the holiday season, so I'm really feeling festive and in the [00:10:00] spirit, and I hope you are, too. Have a wonderful week.

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