Hello flower friends, this is Jen and you are listening to the Floral Hustle podcast. On this week's mini sode, we're going to be talking about taking care of you. And often, if you are a mother, or if you have a partner, or if you have, were raised by a certain type of parent, or Whatever it might be, sometimes people think taking care of yourself is selfish.
And a lot of times, especially mothers, we feel like everything comes before us. So we put ourself last. We prioritize everyone else's needs before our own, thinking that that's just what we're supposed to do. That's what society tells, because Asking for anything for ourself first is just plain selfish, and I am here to tell you that I hope that this narrative isn't something that is ingrained in you, because this is something that I definitely felt for many years that That this was my place, like my daughter, uh, my partner, whoever was always like taking care of my parents, um, that was always before myself.
I just stretched myself thin doing that because I, there was literally after taking care of everyone else. There's often nothing left and just think about that, like, can you build your floral empire on the leftovers? Can you be the kind of human that you've been wanting to be for so long on the leftovers?
Is it fair that Everybody's getting the leftover version of you. And I, I want you to really think of a couple examples where, where people have, have gotten the leftovers. Maybe you've snapped at somebody. Maybe you haven't responded on some inquiries that came into your business because you just didn't have the capacity.
Maybe you're not, You didn't respond to some communication with a vendor friend asking to connect and, or even a personal friend, just wanting to, to be friends with you again and see you like, I know that's happened to me. I know that I've been like, I don't have the capacity to deal with your bullshit right now.
I don't have it in me because in the phrase I used to use is, is that I'm, I'm treading water and I'm drowning. And all you're doing is describing the water to me and I choose no longer to have that be my narrative. I choose that. I am a better mother, a better partner, a better human. If I make sure that I'm taking care of me and I know that that is, uh, is hard to do because you feel like.
I'm, I'm not giving everything that I've given in the past to all of these people, and they're going to resent me. They're going to not think I love them. They're going to think that, uh, they're, they're not important to me anymore. But, you know who else is thinking that they're not important anymore? You.
When you start giving, Doing this, when you start participating and putting yourself last, you are telling yourself that you don't matter. You are telling yourself that everybody else matters more than you. And you can't build a business. And that's, I think, why you guys are here. You can't build a business if you are running on empty.
You can't run a business If your business is getting the leftovers and I've done an episode similar to this, but I, I think with the holidays Um as this is, you know leading up to christmas currently I think it's really easy to run on the leftovers, especially this time because I know I personally recently like I have doctor's kid kids appointments Um, I've had a lot of them god.
It just seems like a shitload lately I've had I've had Christmas shopping, I've had scheduling Santa, I've had scheduling time with friends and family. Like you just sometimes feel like there is nothing left. And whenever I feel like that, I know that I need to take a step back and be like, this needs to feel good.
Why isn't this feeling good? What do I need to change for this to start feeling good? What would feeling good even look like right now? So I would love for you to ask those questions, and if you're feeling that way right now just know that there is a way out, that you do not need to feel like this. There is a way out from this and sometimes this comes with a conversation in telling your partner, your children, that you are so tired, so burnt out, and you love them so much, but to give them that Your best self, mommy, or you, however, your partner, whatever you want to say, you need to start taking care, taking care of yourself.
And that conversation is, is a difficult one. And I know that it felt difficult for me when I had that conversation, but I just decided that I'm done feeling like this. I'm done having everybody take and then me having nothing more to give to myself. And it often feels like shit to put boundaries in place.
And those boundaries can be a plethora of different things. Like if you need a boundary that like, I am not going to work X amount of days per week, or I'm going to have one day. That I'm not running the kids around or I'm gonna have here's this activity. I need you to take care of it Here is this form.
I need your help You are not the only one if you were in a partnership raising children you are not the only one doing it and the mental load of motherhood is And it's something that I still cannot get my husband to grasp on times, which drives me crazy, even though I love him dearly. He just doesn't get it because he's not managing and worrying about what the fucking elves are doing every night.
Um, for real, these elves, we have four of them. I don't know how we got four, but we have four. And we have four of the elf pets. We have two dogs, we have a reindeer, and we have the arctic fox. So like, I need to figure out shit for them all to be doing every night. It is exhausting. That is part of the mental load, because do you think he cares?
What the elves are doing. I think he would move them six inches and feel like he was crushing it and here I am with a whole arsenal of saved photos from Facebook and Pinterest and Instagram screenshots of everything that because you want to just create this childhood for your children that maybe you didn't have.
I know I sure as hell didn't. That is just magical and like, These elves did these magical things or my mom just did all these like today I brought both of the kids and my son's best friend to Moana, too. Do you think that was fun? I mean, it's actually a pretty decent movie but like hauling two five year olds around while they're in a movie theater Talking to each other.
I had to tell them to keep it down like a million times But I also know that the other moms in there are gonna give me grace because they're they're little kids And if they don't I don't care. That is their choice. I know that I'm doing something that is very giving, very loving, and I felt really good about, so I don't care if somebody else thinks that, oh, those kids are being too loud.
Who cares? That is my, like, when it comes to children, just being out of control or crazy, as long as it's not being disrespectful. It's not being hurtful. They are just kids and we don't often give ourselves that grace. So going into this new year, going into this, this season, just know that you're, you giving yourself grace is probably the biggest person that you are searching for that approval from.
And it doesn't need to be, it's, it's not like you're giving yourself a gift. You're just giving yourself grace for everything being a lot. In the holidays, I mean, holiday cards, wrapping everybody's gifts. It's doing like finding scissors and tape. I don't know if you guys, your kids are obsessed with scotch tape, but like it is a challenge to even find scotch tape in my house because I don't know why tape is so exciting, but I know that if I have to put stuff in gift bags, who cares if I feel like something doesn't feel good.
We're not going to do it. That is giving yourself grace. That is putting you first I know that like I'm going to schedule going to CrossFit. I'm gonna schedule Going and getting a massage. I'm gonna schedule those things because that feels good to me And that's what's important me feeling good into this season my kids my husband all of those people I want them to feel really good, too but If I can't feel good, if I'm being short with people, if I'm snapping at people, if I'm, my cup is empty and I have nothing left to give, that is creating a tone in the house that just doesn't feel good.
So if you're hearing it from me today, give yourself grace. You deserve it. Give yourself the, really the permission That taking your care of yourself is not selfish. Taking care of yourself is a requirement. And if you need to check in on this exact message when you're three months into wedding season, when you are, get your kids are getting out of school and you're like, I don't know how the hell I'm going to survive summer break and run a business.
Like I have been there and I know that it all starts with you. Taking care of yourself, taking care of yourself is not selfish. And anybody that says that it is, is not someone that really loves you. Or maybe they love you conditionally, which equally sucks. Because love with condition never feels good. I mean you deserve more than that.
You deserve rest. You deserve to take care of yourself. You deserve, and I will say that word, I deserve to go to CrossFit today. I deserve to go to pottery class. I deserve to go for a motorcycle ride. I deserve to go get a massage because I work really hard and I know you do too. Thank you so much for listening Flower Friend and you have an amazing flower filled week.