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The Bad Mom Podcast is where raw parenting stories meet real solutions for raising resilient kids in today’s anxious, digital world. Hosted by humanitarian and Just Like My Child Foundation founder, Vivian Glyck, each episode blends unfiltered conversations, expert insights, and lived experiences to help parents swap guilt for grit—and discover how imperfect parenting can still support and encourage strong, thriving humans.
# Bad Mom Ep 01 - JJ Interview v4
**Vivian Glyck:** [00:00:00] Hey everyone. Welcome back to The Bad Mom Podcast, parenting The Anxious Generation. Today you're in for something really special because I'm sitting down with not just an extraordinary wellness pioneer, but someone who happens to be one of my dearest friends, JJ Virgin. If you don't already know her, JJ is a true badass in the world of health and healing.
She's a board certified nutrition specialist, fitness expert, four time New York Times bestselling author, and has spent decades helping people fortify their bodies and minds from the inside out. But what I love most about JJ is how she lives, what she teaches. In this episode, she opens up about how she got through every parent's worst nightmare when her son Grant was hit by a car and left fighting for his life.
She shares how she refused to accept the odds, used every tool she knew from functional medicine to brain [00:01:00] nutrition and what it really takes to show up. When your world is falling apart, we talk about the brutal mom guilt. So many of us carry. Why forgiving ourselves matters and how just like JJ says, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first because no one's gonna survive if you're running on empty.
This is such a powerful conversation about grit, grace, and hope, and I can't wait for you to hear it. Let's dive in. TJ Virgin, I'm back. We're here again. Route two a redo because we didn't do it right the first time. I'm so excited to have you here at The Bad Mom podcast. Thank
**JJ Virgin:** you. I was just thinking wouldn't it wouldn't, it's kind of a metaphor for life.
We gotta do
**Vivian Glyck:** it again. Oops. Who? You bet you can't do that with your kids. Well, we're gonna talk about that and we brought in some wine this time because I'm gonna have some. You can totally, I said
**JJ Virgin:** yeah, we can do [00:02:00] whatever we want.
**Vivian Glyck:** Yeah. Here. Cheers. Cheers. We can,
**JJ Virgin:** this was yours. It's got lip glow stick on it.
So now you've drank from both
**Vivian Glyck:** Now. Now both of them have stick on it. How was it?
**JJ Virgin:** No, just
**Vivian Glyck:** drink from the others. More full. You know, I've had these cooties all week long.
**JJ Virgin:** Hmm.
**Vivian Glyck:** Well,
**JJ Virgin:** oh, shout out to Dry Farm too.
**Vivian Glyck:** Oh, okay.
**JJ Virgin:** Provided
**Vivian Glyck:** that, let's plug everybody today. Well, you know, here's the things like you get by with a little help from your friends.
Yeah, yeah. No, for sure. We all need, we all need the support and I. As I think I talked about the last time we tried this, you have been such an incredible support to me through the many phases of our lives, and we've kind of walked step, step by step together, and, but you are so well known for being such an incredible functional medicine coach, a uh, wellness.
Someone who knows about more about wellness [00:03:00] than anybody I've ever met. You wake up in the morning spouting the research that you just had and how you're gonna reformulate your supplements, et cetera. And I think that. I have to say on several occasions, you've probably saved my life.
**JJ Virgin:** Ah,
**Vivian Glyck:** being a great friend, really being able to provide the right support system, the right methodology for health, wellness, et cetera, and yet.
We have this thing called kids.
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah, I know. Now that I have puppies, I'm like, would've been easier.
**Vivian Glyck:** They would've been easy. And they're usually friendlier too, especially through ad
**JJ Virgin:** love. Nothing like a good wagging swaggy tail dog.
**Vivian Glyck:** Just so happy you can't do anything wrong unlike the adolescence. Um, but what I really want to.
Uh, one of the questions that I ask everyone is, um, [00:04:00] have you ever felt like a bad mom? I would be
**JJ Virgin:** suspect of any mom who has not felt like a bad mom, and I would bet that if you ask this across the board. Unless a mom is kind of clueless, everyone feels like they've somehow let their kids down. They didn't show up the way they should have shown up.
You know, they wish they'd done something differently. And the problem is the big challenge there, and I'm, there's an invitation with it, is that once you have that, and I can even think of the situations where I was like. Bad mom, right? Is that you were a bad mom? Yes. Yeah. Is that you don't let it go. Like you would give your kids and your spouse and your friends so much grace and you give none of it to yourself.
You beat yourself up. You feel shame, you feel guilt. You look at anything they do and you go, it must be because of the one time I did blah, blah, blah. Right? What could it, hitches must be that, or. You know, if your kid's got anything going [00:05:00] on when they were born must be. 'cause I used that cleaning product one time and it, it made them toxic.
I mean, it's just the crazy stuff that we do.
**Vivian Glyck:** Yeah.
**JJ Virgin:** And I'll tell you, I don't think society helps us, right? Because they lean in. It's like the pile on.
**Vivian Glyck:** Right? Who else could it be? What else could, what else could be happening? That is a lot of why I'm in passion to do the show and to do project grit is because so much is being thrown into the parenting equation that even our parents didn't have when they were raising us around.
Technology, social media, isolation, anxiety, depression, that leads to substance use, et cetera, that we are under-skilled.
**JJ Virgin:** I mean, we're under. We're under-skilled to be parents without any of that stuff going
**Vivian Glyck:** on. What, you didn't get the rule book?
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah. It was like, I remember I thinking at the hospital, I go, you're sending him home with me.
You know, like, I'm like, [00:06:00] really? Wow. I didn't know how to change a diaper. I nothing, knew nothing. Thankfully my husband knew all of that stuff. 'cause he'd had, uh, twin half brothers that he helped raise. So he, and he had a lot of puppies. Remarkably similar between puppies and babies, I gotta tell you. So.
You know, he'd done that, but I was like, I No clue. Yeah. Any of it. And no one really around to help us. So it's still amazing to me. They handed, they handed this precious being over me a hundred
**Vivian Glyck:** percent.
**JJ Virgin:** But why is it like, why do we go through school and not learn these things?
**Vivian Glyck:** It. It's really an incredible, it's incredible because I look at it sometimes and you just look at humanity and we are so positioned to survive, right?
Like, I like all
**JJ Virgin:** of this
**Vivian Glyck:** despite all of it. I've worked in Africa, as you know, for so many years, and seeing kids. In the most horrible circumstances. You know, a 3-year-old with a machete who's out in the garden's like getting her [00:07:00] food for the night, nobody's watching her. And somehow we are really programmed to survive.
But I think that there's just been so much outside of the human realm that's been thrown at us that. We really need a helping hand. And not only that, we need to forgive ourselves.
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah. And that's, that's I think, the key point. It's like at least extend as much grace as you extend to your kids to your. Sp to your friends, to your pets, at least do that.
Like, come on. Yeah. You know, I mean, it's like you have this voice in your head that's really going to shape everything that you do and be nice to it. Like if you, if someone else was talking to you like that, you would probably get rid of them
**Vivian Glyck:** after a while.
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah. When you're really sure.
**Vivian Glyck:** When we were younger, we might've kept them around for a little bit longer, but.
I think one of the, when people look at you, you are, you [00:08:00] just have everything together. Oh, everything looks like from the outside.
**JJ Virgin:** A hundred percent.
**Vivian Glyck:** You're gorgeous, you're fit, you're healthy, you're happy. You have a great. Business and a great platform. You're constantly reinventing yourself, but we know better.
We know that you have had to really create this mindset in order to greet the day every day, and I would, you wrote the book Warrior Mom, which is also.
**JJ Virgin:** Called Miracle Mindset.
**Vivian Glyck:** Miracle Mindset. So many names, which was one of my favorite things you ever wrote because it pertains so much to me and it really is about that path that you had to travel as a mother and be able to pull yourself out of, and your kid out of, and your family.
It was really a family affair, and I would love if you could just bring us back to that day. In your life with your son Grant and what [00:09:00] happened, and just kind of pull back the layer on that.
**JJ Virgin:** With a frame of, this is gonna sound like an extreme story, but the reality is everyone has something. Like, back when I was a personal trainer in LA in the eighties, I had all of the very fancy clients.
Personal training back then was like a totally new thing. So I mean these, were you
**Vivian Glyck:** wearing leg warmers? Totally,
**JJ Virgin:** of course. But big heads, heads of studio actors, actresses, the people that you would go, oh, they have the perfect life. And I've yet to see someone who does. And in fact, I would tell you that the people who have struggled the most and gone through the most stuff are generally the coolest, happiest, most fulfilled people.
So this is all just, we're all works in progress. Right. But this was years ago. So the, the real background of the story that's not in the book, that if I were going to write a part two, which I am not writing, so, but if I were, because this was, don't expect to see, I [00:10:00] would say don't get. But the challenge with writing a book, uh, like I wrote, which was a story of my son's accent and how I handled it, right, because I could write about how I was, I get it, I was thinking, but I didn't wanna write about his piece of it because it wasn't my story to tell and I didn't have permission.
And at the time, I couldn't get permission when I was writing the book. So the reality, 'cause now I have permission, is my son Grant. My son Grant, like, uh, he was like the perfect baby when he was born. He looked like a Gerber baby. He was absolutely the most beautiful, perfect little thing. And then somewhere in like nursery school things started to shift where he was kind of creating problems.
And I remember getting called into nursery school and or pre-K I guess, and they said. Your son has some serious emotional problems and I was kind of like, [00:11:00] huh? You know, I mean, I kind of was sensing some, his dad was totally in denial with it, but I started taking him to a therapist and getting help way back then because I'd grown up with an adoptive schizophrenic brother.
So I was like, oh no, we're not going through the, let's pretend this isn't happening.
**Vivian Glyck:** I know what this life looks like.
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah. Been there, done that. So I'm gonna start from the beginning. I remember the first psychiatrist we went to who in five minutes said he had O-C-D-O-D, D-A-D-H-D, and Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder, five minutes Grant was just sitting there.
And I am like,
**Vivian Glyck:** how old was he? He
**JJ Virgin:** was five. Wow. I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna go find, I, I started doing research, which was not so easy back then, but I found Dr. Daniel Amon and literally stalked him.
**Vivian Glyck:** Yeah.
**JJ Virgin:** Until I got to be friends with him, I was like, you will be helping me. Um, thank God I found him. You know, and he turned me onto the whole path of being able to find all these other issues going on.
But, so Grant had always struggled and it had been quite a [00:12:00] struggle. We'd gotten fairly stable, however, I remember in like, I think third grade, they had someone come into evaluate him this la some kind of LA treatment center came in to evaluate him and they called me in and they said, your son will be, need to be institutionalized for life.
And I'm like, yeah, that's not gonna happen. Yeah, I was like. Nope. I'm not gonna, no, I'm not gonna go with that. That's never, and so there was a lot of challenges. We were managing them until my ex-husband and I became my ex-husband. Right. And then it, it, there was a time period where he was just angry and it just was contentious.
And your, your ex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was angry. It got contentious and. Grant kind of got in the middle of the whole thing. And Grant, now I understand this, there's, there's a very, I don't know if you've studied highly sensitive people. Grant is a super empath. [00:13:00] I never understood it before. Like this super empath.
Like he would, he would say, you're yelling at me. I'm like, I didn't even raise my voice. He could feel like he could feel anything. And I'm like, I'm not even. I thought I was hiding it, but he, it was like,
**Vivian Glyck:** do you think he felt responsible for it or,
**JJ Virgin:** I just think he was feeling all the things. And it's interesting because when you, I don't know if you've ever looked at the, um, oh God, now I'm gonna forget what they're called.
**Vivian Glyck:** Have another sip of wine.
**JJ Virgin:** I know. It was this gal who did all of this autism research and she found out that autistic kids are very, um, uh, it's beyond intuitive. They are. Do you know what I'm talking about?
**Vivian Glyck:** Like extra sensory or
**JJ Virgin:** it's even more than that, it will come to me and then I'll blurt it out. And since we're all women with this, everybody can track and follow and it won't be weird at all.
**Vivian Glyck:** Exactly. So
**JJ Virgin:** anyway, um. So Grant, and I like he, he was very, very sensitive. I recognize it now. I didn't understand what was going on then, but the [00:14:00] whole divorce was going on and he was really struggling and he kind of got into the middle of the whole thing. And Daniel Iman, Dr. Amon at the time said, you know what will be best for him is for him to go to a residential treatment center where things are very stable and secure.
And so that's what we did. He went to the best one. It was in St. George, Utah, and it was the best one in the country. Had gotten all these incredible awards and everything else, and it was fantastic until one day the father retired and put his son in place. And the thing went from fabulous to awful, like practically overnight.
So I rescued him out of there, got him out, brought him home, and he was doing really well. Um, but he was still like, you know, it, it, it wasn't perfect by a long shot. And I remember one day I came home and he was super frustrated because he'd left left school 'cause he had a migraine and he wanted to go to to martial arts.
And
**Vivian Glyck:** how old was he?
**JJ Virgin:** He was 16.
**Vivian Glyck:** Wow.
**JJ Virgin:** And I'm like, you know, and his and dad had said no. And we always backed each other [00:15:00] up.
**Vivian Glyck:** So he had a migraine so he couldn't go to school.
**JJ Virgin:** He had a school. Yes. You know, couldn't, couldn't. I can't go
**Vivian Glyck:** to school. My head hurts so badly.
**JJ Virgin:** But yet somehow I can go to martial arts.
Yes.
**Vivian Glyck:** Because
**JJ Virgin:** that's
**Vivian Glyck:** fun.
**JJ Virgin:** And Dad said no. And I was like, well, dad said no. And you'll go tomorrow and it'll be fine. And I remember he took a, a, he was so mad, and he took this brush and he threw it to his throat, against the wall, but it missed the wall and hit the window, shattered the window. And he kinda looks at this whole thing.
And he looks at me. He goes, he, he said a couple things. He said, I'm just gonna go get hit by a car.
**Vivian Glyck:** I am gonna go get hit by a
**JJ Virgin:** car. I'm gonna go get hit by a car. And he'd said this prior to this, this wasn't the first time. He'd, he'd said, I'm just gonna go hit by a car right now. The thing with Grant, and the reason I didn't worry about this was Grant, when those kids were, if you like, like kind of pushed him a little bit to do something like, or hit him on the side of the army, he's like, ow.
So I'm like, he's hit by a car. Um, [00:16:00] so he said that. I said something, he goes, you know, I'm not as strong as you think I am. And storms out the door and I go in the gym to blow off some steam in my house, in my garage. And next thing I know, my ex-husband and my son, who was 15 at the time, Bryce comes storming in and said, grant got hit by car.
And of course I'm thinking, oh my gosh. And how old is Bryce? Bryce is 15 and he's been airlifted to the local hospital now.
**Vivian Glyck:** Oh my gosh.
**JJ Virgin:** I know. Gosh. You're kind of going. Like it. So I will tell you that in situations like this, your brain makes ghost not real. This is not real. You know, my brain purely went into like, this is a movie.
This is a movie going on. Like I just was like. In the state of like, complete, this is shocking. I remember running into my room, throwing everything into my, my tote bag, like my laptop, my, this one, like, I don't know what the hell I thought I was gonna be doing here. Run a conference call. Okay. [00:17:00] So I'm, I throw all this stuff in.
We get in the car, we start trying to find out what's going on. He was a, a John Doe because he wasn't wearing shoes, didn't have, uh, any, anything on him, any idea or anything. So they won't give us any information. And when we get to the hospital 30 minutes away, they put us in a conference room. So now you're like, I mean, can you imagine like you're in a conference room?
I don't even know if he's alive. Like I'm just, it was wild. And then this doctor comes and he's still not giving us any information. It was the head of trauma and then a neurosurgeon. Both were in the room. And he's trying to ask us for information. I'm like, hold on. Like dude, right? Is he alive? So he says, your son's alive, but he's had a very serious accident, and sometime in the next 24 hours, if he doesn't get surgery, he is going to pass away.
He has a torn aorta every hour. It increases the risk of him dying and it rupturing increases by 10%. And I'm kind of like [00:18:00] trying to run these mathematical, I'm like, this doesn't make your
**Vivian Glyck:** math right. Let's go,
**JJ Virgin:** you know, every hour the next 24 hours. But that's more than a hundred percent. Like, dude, you know, like this isn't making sense.
He goes, he is in a deep coma, multiple brain bleeds, and the way they have to do that surgery here is with blood thinner. So we can't do it here, otherwise his brain will bleed out. But if we don't fix it, he's going, it's gonna rupture. So he'd have to get airlifted to the next hospital, but he'll never survive the airlift.
And even if he survives the airlift, he's likely not gonna survive the surgery. And even if he were to survive the surgery, he'd be so brain damaged, it wouldn't be worth it. He literally said that. I'm like looking at him. I remember Bryce looking at him going and Bryce the cool thing with my kids, you know, they'll John, my ex-husband's family are all doctors.
Turns out John's sister-in-law went to medical school with the guy who saved Grant's Life. And, you know, it's, it's Psych CLA, you know, well, no, he ended up at UCLA, but they were at [00:19:00] BU or wherever the heck they were. I don't remember. Um, Harvard, I think. So they, um, we're, we're kind of walking through this and you know, Bryce looks at the doctor after he says that and he's like, well, that, you know, it sounds like a a 0.125% chance he'd make it.
And the doctor's like, yes, son, you know, kind of. Condescending. And Bryce looks and says, that's not zero. We'll take those odds. And you know, it's interesting, like your kids pay attention. I was raised in a, well, that's only that percentage. We will not take those odds. Right. My, you know, the half is glass, they glass is half empty.
And my, my kids are like, oh, there's a chance, you know, there's a shot. We got a shot at this. So yeah, that's just the way Bryce was trained to think. Right the way it is. Like Right, there's, there's, it's not zero, let's go. Yeah. Uh, but I will tell you I walked outside 'cause I was like, [00:20:00] okay, the last thing this kid said to me, and he's had such a troubled life, like such a troubled life and you, you kind of wonder are just some people not supposed to?
Like, is this just,
**Vivian Glyck:** yeah,
**JJ Virgin:** this lifetime is just not the right lifetime for them or what's going on? I'm like in my head, right? So I go outside because I've always been very dial in with him. Um. I said, what do you want, grant? I just remember standing out in Palm Springs, you know, under the full moon and what do you want, grant?
And I just heard, I heard him, and you know, this was a kid. The morning, the, the night after we like had sex. I woke up in the morning, looked at John and went, um, I'm pregnant in's a boy. And he's like, oh, okay. Right. And I was pregnant. It was a boy. Right. It's like, it's just, I just always knew I could always feel it, you know?
I just knew. And so I was like. Okay, let's go. Like, and that's when we pushed. And the good news is John is a medical malpractice trial attorney. So he said all the right words to get light a fire under this doctor's [00:21:00] butt. And then on the other side of this fax that they faxed out about this, 'cause that's what they did, they faxed, ugh at 11:00 PM at night.
And the hospital in LA, the like most amazing trauma surgeon gets this assembles five surgical teams. He's like, listen, I'm, I do this all the time. I got this. I'm gonna take you and to over to the waiting room. Just hang out there. I'll be back in a couple hours to tell you everything is fine. I said, okay, you got it.
So, I mean, literally, I mean, how wild. And I remember sitting there going, oh, I mean, I just accepted that was truth. I didn't ever imagine anything. But he.
I started working on some stuff and I remember, like I I told you about this months later, I was talking to, to Grant and Grant goes, yeah, I remember when you were in the waiting room with dad and you were working on your computer and he was wearing the red shirt and blah. And I'm like, what? [00:22:00]
**Vivian Glyck:** So you think he was just kind of hanging out
**JJ Virgin:** and
**Vivian Glyck:** out and then he in there.
Oh, he had stories about places in the hospital.
**JJ Virgin:** I'm like, what on Earth?
**Vivian Glyck:** Wow.
**JJ Virgin:** He, so he was really stuck on the edge. He was on the edge. Is he in the light? Oh, no. He was in the light multiple times. I remember I'd come in to see him and I'd go, I could feel if he was in there or not. But the first time after the, the acc, the surgery, when the doctor came back and goes, okay, he's great.
It's all, it's all done. He's all. He goes, now I'm just a plumber. I don't know if he's gonna wake up or not. That's the neurosurgeon. So I'm like, oh great. Oh my God. You said everything was like, no, I'm kidding. And then the neurosurgeons are like, yeah, we don't know. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna not listen.
And I remember holding just one finger 'cause everything was bandaged. Or in Cass, and I'm like going, you're gonna be 110%. I don't even know. It was like I was being channeled telling him, and it turns out Grant means warrior. So I'm like, you're a warrior, you're gonna be 110%, you fight. I'll bring all the troops I've got, [00:23:00] I've got like, I'm gonna bring in all the doctors, all the stuff.
You just have to fight. You fight, you are stubborn. You can do this. You know, and even his, his brother was like, he's the most stubborn kid ever. So we known this, his brother, he's gonna be able to pull this one off.
**Vivian Glyck:** So,
**JJ Virgin:** yeah.
**Vivian Glyck:** But one of the things when I know that you talked about, which I think is also has been so helpful for me in dealing with what.
Had been going on with my son for years is really just this idea. I mean, everybody wants to medicate your kid. Everybody wants to say, oh, there's a silver bullet. Here's a bandaid for it, et cetera. But there's so much physiology going on, and I know when I read your book and I've heard your story, you really talked about what you did to fortify his brain healing.
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah.
**Vivian Glyck:** I, I took so much away from that [00:24:00] story in the way that I. Provided nutrition, et cetera. And even like just to build up that brain to resilience because every kid's brain is having an onslaught and being,
**JJ Virgin:** everyone's brain is having an
**Vivian Glyck:** onslaught. Yeah. And is being depleted. But that one precious child, like what did you do?
What do you recommend? Like nutritionally in a circumstance where you see your kid is struggling?
**JJ Virgin:** So here's the wildest part is I didn't know who was gonna wake up.
**Vivian Glyck:** Mm. Like
**JJ Virgin:** I, I remember when he was in the coma, they're like, well, when he wakes up, it'll be ugly. And I'm like, I thought it would be like, he'd scream and then he'd say, I love you.
And it would be all, you know, we're back. Uh, and we're back. It's ugly for years. I mean, a brain injury does wild stuff and it. It's honestly, a lot of it's forever if you don't understand it. The lack of resources on that. Do you know how prevalent brain injuries are? It's like 5 million kids at any one point are [00:25:00] suffering, and if you have a brain injury, like it can show the, the ramifications can show up years later.
Like there's so much to it. Like a lot of the people who are depressed, it could just be an old brain injury that never got diagnosed. I mean, think of all the times growing up, you hit your head. It, it's, it's, it's incredible.
**Vivian Glyck:** Or sports or
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah. You know, banged soccer balls off your head. I mean, just all these things thought
**Vivian Glyck:** that was fun until I had a brain bleed.
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah. And I mean, that's the extreme, but like, it doesn't take much to hurt your brain.
**Vivian Glyck:** Wow.
**JJ Virgin:** That's the, that's the biggest part of it. Um, now here's the thing. So I did not know who would be waking up. I alerted them all that, you know, we're gonna have a brain injury and we also have these other things. That were there, that were there before, I don't know what's gonna go on with them.
Right. Are they coming back? Were they in there? Are they genetic? Like. Because clearly a lot of them, them are more genetic, although some of them might be like a neuro autoimmune thing. And now we have the [00:26:00] inflammation on the brain to what is gonna happen here. And this is where I think it's important. I am not anti-medication like I am.
I am like, let's use the best of every single thing. The biggest bummer I see in our world is that we don't have people, there are very few people that will look at. Both and how they interact. Fortunately, one of my good friends was Dr. Hila Cash. She came to the hospital all the time and she wrote the very first drug nutrient book.
Like she was a psychiatrist out of UCLA. This was her focus.
**Vivian Glyck:** Yeah.
**JJ Virgin:** So
**Vivian Glyck:** I just wanna like double down on that because I think that is hugely important. It's like. You can't, not everybody wears the same size. So to just say, okay, this is what should be prescribed for depression or anxiety or whatever, or this has worked in some situations, it's like, for who?
Like what, what size do you wear? What do you feel comfortable in? And I've seen [00:27:00] that, I saw this so much even with my own son with regards to what's, who specifically are we talking about?
**JJ Virgin:** Well, and then you've got the, so. This is the whole platform that Dr. Amon has talked about for years is like the brains, the we're the only doctors that don't look at the organ we're treating.
You know, hundred percent. You're right. And then you look at it and go, well, that's not only is you need to look at the structure of it, you also have to look at. What is, what are, what are some of the insults to it? Like the brain injury side, the toxins, the bacteria, the parasites, the emotional hits. And then what about the genetics?
So there's so many things that come that can be at play here, but what we can do, 'cause it's like, okay, that's so overwhelming. I'm not gonna do anything. Well, there's a lot we can do. And that's what's exciting because when you first think about it, like I think our first job in health should always be.
Let's get anything out that's hurting, like, let's get out the hurting [00:28:00] thing. So, you know, if you're sitting in a moldy house, get outta the house, you know? Yeah. It's like, don't, don't try to treat, treat like I don't have any energy. Like get outta the moldy house. Um. So let's get, try to get away from the things that are causing the insults.
That's obvious. But then what are the deficiencies that you might have? And so for Grant, one of the things I think probably saved his life, um, was that he was on high dose fish oil to stabilize his brain to begin with. And there is really good research showing that people were on higher dose fish oil, two to five grams a day.
He was on five grams. Actually have, um, lower, uh, they, they don't get, when they get a brain injury, it's, it's not as bad. They can recover from it. And so I looked and went, I mean, this was about as extreme of a brain injury you could get. Yeah. You know, so the fact you could get through it and when the first things that I sought to do is get 'em on fish oil, which was such a battle.
It was so ridiculous.
**Vivian Glyck:** So when, when you say fish oil, [00:29:00] I know there are various fish oils and intensities and. Of that, what is the gold standard, right?
**JJ Virgin:** There is not a gold standard. Of course, that would be so easy and it really is gonna depend on the person and what they need. I mean, generally your brain's more DHA.
So, um, you know, the most important thing of all is clean fish oil from a great source, a triglyceride form, because it's the most bioavailable. So those are the first things. Good clean fish oil. Don't go to like buy some cheap fish oil, clean source. DA push to DHA for brain, like, uh, there's e, p, A and d.
H-A-E-P-A tends to be more kind of cardio. DHA is more green. Um, but I still used, I used a blend, but with a higher DHA
**Vivian Glyck:** can, there's over, I mean, like, what's too much? Yeah. You can over, over do it. So a bad thing that happens like, oh, you're taking too much fish oil and like, it makes a puke, or,
**JJ Virgin:** well, that would be, [00:30:00] yeah.
So, so you can actually start to test, but realize this is a therapeutic, let's put the fire out.
**Vivian Glyck:** Right.
**JJ Virgin:** So what you're doing here is you're trying to put the fire out, you're trying to reduce inflammation. Yeah. So. What you do in the short term for healing is not what you do in the long term, right? So one of the best things you can do is do an Omega-3 test.
This will give you an Omega-3 index, and then you can hit your right numbers and everybody is, is that a blood test or It's a little blood prick and you can order it online. Wow. It's direct to consumer and it's cheap. Wow. Yeah. And you can also see when you're doing that, are you more pro-inflammatory?
Now what happens if you push your fish oil too high? Uh, number one, it's very easily oxidizable, so it can create some oxidative stress so it can create more free radicals. So when you push your fish oil, you also push antioxidants. Number two, if you push your ratio of six to three. Too low, like it should be about four to one, six to three if you pushed it down.
The [00:31:00] DA, no, no, no. Omega six is to omega threes. Okay. Omega threes are a LAE, p, a DHA. Those are omega threes. They're pro-inflammatory. They are. They reduce platelet aggregation. They thin the blood, so that's great, but if it's too much, and also Grant was on a blood thinner, so I was carefully driving it, but it really didn't, I, I heard from my doctor friends, they go.
There's no research ever showing that it thins the blood password it needs to be, especially if there's a medication on board. And I'm like, okay. So every time I knew they were gonna run a, run a lab, I would push his, his fist show up again and never changed this, this pro time that they were checking. So it's the four to one that you want on a ratio.
If you got down to like one to one, six to three. If, if you, if you got, you know, did a paper cut, you'd be bleeding all the time, you wouldn't be able to clot.
**Vivian Glyck:** Right.
**JJ Virgin:** So that would be prompted.
**Vivian Glyck:** But the bottom line is that fish oil and, and healthy fats are [00:32:00] essential for brain development no matter
**JJ Virgin:** what and healing and reducing the inflammation.
So that was, that was one of the things I could do. Now, the next thing that was happening was he was in a coma and he had, you know, 13 fractures. He is femurs, were both broken in half. His heel was crushed, like he was just. Broken. He was just broken up. And so a couple things I made sure of is that we were doing, now, I couldn't do vitamin K because of the, the clotting.
So I was hitting him with vitamin D. Pretty good doses and minerals because he had all this bone healing collagen and, but I, what I, where really hit him was with essential aminos because one of the things that happens, uh, with bedrest, that's incredibly scary. So for us, especially as adults, to put on a pound of muscle, if you're lucky, you do in a month.
Take two. One week of bedrest, you can lose two pounds of muscle. One week of bedrest, you can lower your full body insulin [00:33:00] sensor by 37%. So it's an enormously devastating metabolic crisis.
**Vivian Glyck:** Yeah, so if you lay around your. You're just gonna push your, your medical,
**JJ Virgin:** you're gonna lose muscle, you're gonna lose bone, you're gonna become insulin resistant, uh, you're gonna improve, affect your cognition, like you'll become more inflamed.
All sorts of stuff. So I was like, all right. Number one, I started giving him essential aminos. 'cause he, he spit out his feeding tube about three weeks out. Like once we got him, once we were able to get his speeding tube out. Once he spit that out with a little help from. Ex-husband. Um, then I was like, game on.
I can give him all sorts of stuff. I had to do it carefully. Like at first I was like, take all these things. He was like, blah, you know, it's right. But, um, the thing I knew was that he needed the essential aminos because I was like watching him losing muscle, like beca and I was like, Uhuh. And [00:34:00] fortunately he came into this.
Very strong. He looked like a linebacker when he came into it. Yeah. And I mean, this is why I am on such a war path for everyone to put muscle on.
**Vivian Glyck:** Yeah.
**JJ Virgin:** Because it's your bank account. It is your metabolic bank account. This is how you survive these things. You know, it's one thing when you're 16, I knew we could get his muscle back.
**Vivian Glyck:** Right.
**JJ Virgin:** It's a whole nother thing when you're 60 or 80. So
**Vivian Glyck:** yeah, that's such a good point. And um, I. I wanna transition to that because what was so amazing, also watching you go through this, was just how you took care of yourself and. Again, people look at you and they think, oh, you've got it all and you've got it all together.
You know, we know you have a couple of joints that have been replaced, and you know, you're just always in the glass half full and in a space [00:35:00] of what's possible instead of, this is overwhelming. And
**JJ Virgin:** I just felt like I didn't have the luxury of it being overwhelming. Like I literally looked at this and I remember thinking, all right.
He's gonna be 110%. That was just like my hill. I was dying on, like I and anyone who couldn't entertain this idea with me. Right. Couldn't get to be on the team. Yeah. Like I remember these orthopedic surgeons walking in and they're the big guys in the hospital. Right. They, they make a lot of money for the hospital.
Right. And they're like, they've got grants leg suspended in air on this think contraption. Kind of wired together. I'm like, what the heck are you guys doing with pins coming through his heel? And they're like, we're just trying to see if we'll be able to get him to walk again. And I'm like, let's go outside.
And I said, you know, I want you to feel like this is Kobe Bryant in this bed. Like that level athlete. I don't think you'd be saying that. So this is the way I need you to see it. If you can't see it that way, this isn't gonna work for us. And, and they're like, what? You know, but that was that. You've gotta be [00:36:00] able to hold that vision.
One of the doctors, I remember her saying, oh, he's gonna be fine. I see kids like half their brain's gone, been blown out and they're totally fine. They walk back in and they're eating a burger. I'm like, you're my doctor.
**Vivian Glyck:** Right. You know? Right, right. They're my ate. I love you. You are fabulous. Slept,
**JJ Virgin:** but that's what you, you made the cab.
If they can't see the possibility that they're, you know, that's why it was 110%. Not, I wanna get 'em to 80%.
**Vivian Glyck:** So, so here you are. I mean, we know we're. We've got, uh, a lot of friends in common and, you know, we've watched people through the ages. What, what would be your recommendation? And again, I think I've followed in your path with so much, like, if she can do it, I can do it.
Like, well, shit, hit the fan for her.
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah.
**Vivian Glyck:** I. I can't go down because you've provided a, uh, you, you, you, [00:37:00] uh, blazed the trail. You've provided a way to survive the unthinkable with an attitude of, I'm gonna prevail. And most importantly for me, I can still be happy. Like if. Because nothing is more miserable or horrible than watching your kids suffer.
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah,
**Vivian Glyck:** right. And, and the way that I was raised and the way that I kind of came into the world is you gotta be focused on that before you can take care of yourself or take care of thinking like, I couldn't think about being happy. Yeah,
**JJ Virgin:** you gotta take care of yourself before you can think about the other.
And here's how you can learn this. If you are going into an ICU. And you have a sniffle. You can't go into the ICU. So I remember standing there that first night after I told grandkid it was gonna be 110% and I got it. You know, you just have to fight as long as you fight. I'm gonna, I've got this taken care of.
I remember walking outside going, how the hell am I gonna do this? Like, you [00:38:00] know? And one thing was for sure, I invested my book advance and every dollar I had, which
**Vivian Glyck:** book was that?
**JJ Virgin:** This was Virgin Diet. Everything on the, this book that was gonna launch in, um, let's see. It was launching, literally the launch started in a month.
And so I, I, that book had to go like it had to be successful like this. I lined it up, but now it was a next level of this has to be really successful because I knew that where I'm gonna need to, what I'm gonna need to provide for Grant was gonna go way past. Yeah, it's a very expensive svac. This is like gonna be really expensive.
So I already knew that piece and so. I'm looking at this going, okay, the book has to go. I'm not leaving here. I mean, for kids the leading cause of death are, are like head injuries. Yeah. And then next step, well, '
**Vivian Glyck:** cause they're not really dying of anything else.
**JJ Virgin:** Right. You know, it's like injuries and then hospital issues.
Like the third leading cause of death is what they call death by doctor. [00:39:00] It's all the medical things that happen,
**Vivian Glyck:** right?
**JJ Virgin:** And so I'm like, all right, I'm not leaving. I'm going to be here now. I've gotta launch this book. This book's gotta be huge. I've gotta do all this media stuff and I gotta be here and I have to look like a weight loss expert, and I need to show up every day and be able to think straight.
Focus, not be anxious, not get sick, because if I'm even a sniffle, they don't let you in. You can't go into the ICU, and this wasn't even COVID time, but like you'd go in, I mean, the infection risk for him, he had a tube coming out of his brain. So you know, I had to put on a mask, gloves, gown every single time.
Right. So there's no room for error on any of this. All of these things had to be, absolutely. Had to give my a hundred percent effort. So I literally looked at this whole thing and thought, first of all, thank God I'm at the peak of my health. Like, you know, right. I was at the peak of my health. So I'm like, I'm.
Just, we'll just keep this [00:40:00] going. And I got a little hotel residence in close by. I found the gym, uh, you know, found Whole Foods, found Starbucks that was the most important. Coffee, like coffee Ivy drip of coffee was single most important, but literally, 'cause I would get home at like nine o'clock at night.
You know, I'd leave when he would finally start to really kind of be down for the night, even though he was down the whole time. But where they weren't, they weren't coming by and around. Rush in and out. Yeah. And so some, somewhere around 8, 8 30 I leave and then I'd come back around 5 36 'cause they'd have grand rounds and I wanted to hear it.
And once they knew that I was coming, they started trying to do it earlier.
**Vivian Glyck:** Nah, I'm gonna avoid that crazy episode. I not, they did not want
**JJ Virgin:** me, I felt like I was, I'm part of the team of our grand round. Of course I'm gonna be here.
**Vivian Glyck:** Really smart.
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah. It's like we are all doing this together. And they, they finally were like, who are you?
Because, you know, Daniel Lehman was coming in highly, Cass was coming in Prudence Hall. Like, they're like, who are you? Where are all these people here? You know?
**Vivian Glyck:** Yeah. Yeah.
**JJ Virgin:** It's like, [00:41:00] yep. Because I mean, I had the head of trauma, brain trauma over from Cedar Sinai is coming in every Friday. Like literally, they're like going, oh my gosh,
**Vivian Glyck:** that was a badass mom.
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah. I was like, I'm getting, I'm pulling every card. I'd never asked for favors or help before, so I'd like lined up the favors and that. Yeah. Um, but you know, it was interesting. People I didn't know I, there, there was a couple who would drive hours to pray for grant. I have no idea who they are today.
Like, I still dunno who they are. They would just drive and sit by his bedside and pray for him.
**Vivian Glyck:** Wow.
**JJ Virgin:** And I remember thinking, I think I need to be a much better human. Like, I, I, I'm like, I can't believe what these you'll do. Right? I'm like, I was so blown away. It's all the things. People were lighting candles all over the world, like the things they were doing for him, it was amazing.
Um, but literally in the hierarchy. When I looked at all this, I went really, the very top of this heap is if I can't show up, none of this is gonna get done. None of it like [00:42:00] won't. So
**Vivian Glyck:** what was your mindset? Like, what, what?
**JJ Virgin:** I literally put myself first. I put myself very, I took, I took my self-care on as the single biggest, like I never had before.
Like I really was like, okay, you'll be going to bed at nine. You know, I got my sleep. I figured out some way to get, I had to work out every day because I had so much anxiety and. And I didn't have depression. I was not depressed. I just had a lot of, I was in flight or fight, you know, I was in like flight or fight the whole time and I literally felt like an animal needed to shake it off, so Right.
If I couldn't go over to the gym, I was running up and down the hospital stairs. Um, totally See you. Time got everyone running up and down this hospital stairs. It was like, I was like going Paris. I can work out. It's fantastic. Um, hospitals have great stairs, by the way. They do. And he was up on the six stairs.
You can't always, it was fantastic. Yeah. I mean, every hospital I was at in stairs,
**Vivian Glyck:** the rule number one is all hell's breaking loose. Stay
**JJ Virgin:** on your side. You control like Right. Exactly. I was [00:43:00] like, I can control how I take care of myself. Put yourself first. Yeah. I put myself first. I had really good food.
**Vivian Glyck:** And you had mentioned also about gratitude that you don't.
One of the things that keeps you in that mindset is a state of gratitude, but you don't do what? You sit there and go, I,
**JJ Virgin:** I'm grateful for three things, you know? Well, because literally I would find things every day because honestly, what I was looking for were, were clues and cues that he was improving, which, when you have a child lying there in a coma, is he sied?
Which means that he has, and or he moved a toe, like I was looking for anything of like, 'cause we didn't know, was he paralyzed? Would he be able to see again? Would he hear? We had no clue. Yeah. Like we had no clue.
**Vivian Glyck:** Yeah.
**JJ Virgin:** Like, you know, I remember he, he's gonna love this. [00:44:00] Um, but he got an erection and we're like, yay, it works.
You know? I was like, 'cause you just didn't know. You had no idea what was going on. I would look for the smallest little cues of anything.
**Vivian Glyck:** Yeah, but you just, blood flow. That's
**JJ Virgin:** good. Right? I was like, blood flow. Oh my gosh. He wiggled his toes like I used essential oils 'cause they got, you know, he could react to those uhhuh anything but the but not.
Being grateful. I think one of the things you hear, and, and it might be a good way to start a gratitude practice, but hopefully you move into, it's not that I'll be happy when, or I'll be happy if it's, I'll be happy. Mm-hmm. It's not that I, I'm grateful because it's, I'm grateful. It's a choice. It's, it really is the choice of, you could sit there and here's what's so interesting about Grant.
You know, he has never been a victim and he is never been angry about this. And as my ex-husband likes to say, you know, uh. Car, car Zero Grant won. You know, it's like Grant, grant like won, won this round and you know, [00:45:00] he never acted like the victim. It, it's nothing. Well, and
**Vivian Glyck:** I'm just break that down. I think that hope and having hope creates a change in internal chemistry.
Right? Right. And then that, that change in chemistry is. Optimism as opposed to pessimism. And like then we give people SSRIs to change their brain, but we can't like talk them into having a mindset that changes their brain. It's
**JJ Virgin:** so wild. So I'm doing this, this talk at the um, integrative medic men. That I don't know what it actually stands for.
IMMH, integrated Mental medical Health or something must be integrated medicine medical health. Anyway, big conference, like a thousand doctors, and I'm coming to talk about exercise and creatine and their role on mental health. And it turns out that when you compare an SSRI an exercise. They are the same in their clinical outcomes.
The only difference is [00:46:00] that the SSRI has side effects and the exercise has side benefits, and that if you followed out long-term post that the exercise does far better long-term. So you're like, well, hold on then. Why aren't we just, where does exercise, why don't we put exercise into this prescription?
**Vivian Glyck:** Huge. It's such a huge portion of mental health and mental clarity and you know, that's so much of going through these years with, with Zach, with my son, just like. Can we just get you moving, moving, moving, moving out your orient, turn the lights on.
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah. Get with people and then like it's part of what I was looking at was like what would be this ultimate prescription for mental health?
'cause we use exercise and the way I start this talk is I go, you know. I, I'm an exercises physiologist. That's where I started. And Right. I was always interested in it in terms of metabolism and body composition. Right. And not mental health. And then I had this, you know, and even [00:47:00] when Grant, even in the mental health space, I wasn't interested and tell the injury and then I'm like, oh, this is how I'm gonna get him to heal.
'cause one of the first things Amon wanted him to do was ping pong. For the hand eye coordination to wire his brain back. And what we saw, I started getting him to this place in Palm Desert, this kinetic sports training thing. And they would have him do battle ropes and jumping and all sorts of stuff and really challenge him.
And, you know, we're, we're never better than when we're challenged, you know, and that it just got him going again. But the blood flow to the brain was amazing. So I was like, what if we put together, like, what would be this beautiful thing? And even walking. But when you, you walk and you walk with a friend and you walk in nature, it's like a trifecta.
You know? Anything we can do pretty easy, right? It's like, why is it so cough? Pretty easy, pretty free, you know? Like, this is free, what? You know, and I probing, here's an hour, I got a broken foot, and I'm out walking in nature with you so it can be done. So now it's like you look at it and go, it doesn't take much.
And the [00:48:00] biggest effects are seen. When people who were on the couch
**Vivian Glyck:** get up.
**JJ Virgin:** So that's the Vegas, it's like the Vegas is just doing something is so much more important. So you look at it and go, wow, what kind of mental health? And then you wonder why the pandemic just took people out. You're inside, isolated, sitting
**Vivian Glyck:** on a device, which makes you even more isolated and comparative.
It's funny. I was, I think I told you, uh. My son's been away for a couple of years, came back, went up to his bedroom, which is now completely transformed. Barely looks like he ever lived there. 'cause it was a dark, dark cave with
**JJ Virgin:** Yeah.
**Vivian Glyck:** Crap all over the place. And when he, when he left the bed was made impeccably.
The windows were open and the shade was pulled up, and I knew right there, this is a different person. This person has optimism. This person sees a [00:49:00] vision and it's so simple, like, get out, be with people. Are there any last words that you would have to, uh, buoy a mom?
**JJ Virgin:** Oh, I was like, buoy, buoy. I was like, buoy.
I get, I get what you mean.
**Vivian Glyck:** A flip camp for a float. Um, uh, a mom who's struggling or in crisis or just needs to do the next right thing for herself.
**JJ Virgin:** Well, and I think that's the thing. It's like, what is one thing when I was in the hospital and all this crazy stuff's going on and there were so many things to do, I was like, what's.
The thing, like I just take a step. It's like, and I'd look at what's the step, what can I take, what can I do? Even if it's the smallest little thing, you know, what am I doing that's saving his life now it maybe I'm just managed to get a little fish oil in him. It's like, no, I didn't do brain surgery. You know, it's like, but what are those things again?
And it's like, what's the thing you could do for yourself each day? And don't beat yourself up if you [00:50:00] miss it one day. It's like, so what? You know?
**Vivian Glyck:** Yeah. So, you know, figure that out right now. What is the one thing that you could do for yourself? And I think. That just makes you feel better about yourself.
Yeah. Right. Like, oh, I did that one thing. I can check that off. And then that gives you the, the confidence. 'cause we lose so much confidence with this feeling like we're a bad mom and what is worth. Well let
**JJ Virgin:** that go. Yeah. Like that whole thing. I think we need to reframe the bad mom.
**Vivian Glyck:** Yeah.
**JJ Virgin:** To the bad mom.
**Vivian Glyck:** That's right. That's,
**JJ Virgin:** that's badass mom. Right. You know, it's like there are honestly like the really bad moms. Aren't even paying attention. That's the irony of all this.
**Vivian Glyck:** Right? Right.
**JJ Virgin:** Like they're really good moms feel like bad moms. Right. And they're really bad moms are completely clueless.
**Vivian Glyck:** Right, right. You know, and you know what?
Sometimes it doesn't really matter because at the end of the day. For our kids to learn grit, we really need to let them fall on their face. Whether we did it, [00:51:00] you know, through a fault of our own or no fault of our own. The grit is really what they need to learn in order to stand up, and it's not whether like we change their diaper every three hours or anything like that, so.
All right. Well, thank you very much, jj. Let's say goodbye to everybody. See you later. Thank you. You are not a bad mom. You are not a bad parent. You're a badass and a broken system. Keep fighting. We've got your back. This is the unlearning. This is the undoing. This is the uprising. Bad parents unite because they'd rather you stay silent.