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A life-giving Jesus community for a new generation of people in Sacramento.
Join us every Sunday
Old Sacramento: 8:30 AM, 10:00 AM & 11:45 AM @ 1200 2nd Street, Sacramento, CA 95814
South Sacramento: 10:00 AM (English) & 11:30 AM (Spanish) @ 6528 44th Street, Sacramento, CA 95823
Online: https://www.youtube.com/projectchurchsac
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Well, good morning, everybody.
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I love that guy.
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I knew him since he was about this tall.
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Changed his diapers.
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It was truly hideous.
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I'm not doing that anymore.
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Watching him be a dad has been a gas.
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He calls me one day, yeah.
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My kids just broke my brand new big screen TV.
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They were hucking golf, or hockey pucks, or golf clubs
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around the, and I'm just laughing, 'cause that's who Caleb was when he was a little guy.
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So I'm John, and I love God,
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and I really love people, and I've given my life to that purpose.
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I want to encourage you today by talking to
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you about the Father heart of God.
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and specifically about raising great kids.
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about being a parent with purpose.
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parenting with purpose.
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Because most people spend more time planning their vacations
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than they do a strategy for how to rear their sons and daughters.
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And on the day that
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we are born for better or for worse, we're all
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going to look like our parents, right?
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How many of you are really happy about that.
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Okay, 2 of you.
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Yeah, I'm not one of the two...
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I look in the mirror these days.
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Like, oh, my God, that's my mother.
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Better go clean my room, or...
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Um, on the day that we're born,
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we look like our parents, on the day that we die, we're gonna look like our decisions.
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I want us to think about that because people are
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constantly, as a pastor, I've been a pastor for 45 years.
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They say to me, John, if you just knew my life,
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if you knew the circumstances.
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And I said, okay, let's reel that back in, you got these 3
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things going that you hate.
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How did we get there, and we start
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backtracking in life, and you know how they got there?
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the decisions they made.
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We're not a product of our circumstances.
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were a product of our decisions and our decisions
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create our circumstances.
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What I'm saying is, you can
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be a full flourishing dynamic
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human being that loves God.
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You can be a terrific parent.
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You can be stellar in your vocation, your career.
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And this is not just self-help.
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This is not rah rah.
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This is not some kind of a Tony Robinson's kind of,
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you know, awaken the giant within.
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It's about understanding our
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purpose.
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from the master's playbook.
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And you guys all know that that's what we're
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giving over to at Project Church.
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We don't use it as a bludgeon.
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We don't have a big whopper coffee table Bible.
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Because words are cheap, and who we really
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are is how we behave, not what we say.
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Words are so cheap.
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How we behave is who we are, and nothing is more
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toxic and really insidious and
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a massive turnoff to lost people, people that have no
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orientation around God in their lives, than hypocrisy.
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Now I'm going to do something here for which you're all going to be extremely grateful.
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I'm going to set my timer.
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If I taught this stuff out at a
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pace or I think I could really, really help you,
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we're going to be here till Thursday.
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So we all know that's not an option.
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So, let me, let
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me back up and say, you guys, the software systems
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and how you guys get content out to your church families
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a little bit different than we do it at the bay.
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But you guys should have access to
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really a lot of outstanding content.
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This just happens to be a hard copy.
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I'm only touching on about maximum 20% of this.
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I'm giving you a homework assignment.
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So don't get on Caleb and say, you brought some joke or gave us homework.
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Listen, you're not gonna get better.
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by just keep doing what you're doing.
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You know, if what you're doing is not working in your life, don't just do it harder.
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The definition of insanity.
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We all know doing the same thing over and over expecting different outcomes.
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I want us to think about how can we be intentional
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in every area of our life and particularly parenting?
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Now, let me give you an overarching.
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You guys should have all this content.
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I'll have a few slides behind me.
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The secret to successful parenting is to
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treat our children like God the Father treats us.
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Please remember this.
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The secret to successful parenting is
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to parent our children, let God the Father parents us.
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Now, how many of you in the room have no children?
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Raise your hand.
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Okay?
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That's fine.
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You're not half a person.
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One is a whole number, and you
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are complete in God.
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If you're miserable and
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single, and you think, I will marry ergo,
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that person will make me happy.
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That's a perfect approach to divorce because another
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flawed, unfinished human being can
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never fill that hole in your soul ultimately.
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I believe, call me biased,
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only God can do that.
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So for those of you that don't have children today,
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you say, John, what's going to be in this message for me?
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I want you to be intuitive and go
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Shrek with me and peel back the onion and say,
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okay, John's saying this principle here from God's word.
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And try to understand how God is parenting you.
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So for example, one of the big things we Americans aren't
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nuts about and God's parenting us is the Lord
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disciplines those he loves.
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How many of you love discipline?
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Okay?
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Yeah, we got 4 masochists in the room.
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I mean, you don't really love it.
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You know why?
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It hurts.
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And truth, watch this very
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often hurts before it heals us.
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And so we don't even like that bite, that sting,
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that discomfort, that hurts so we avoid.
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We avoid it.
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We duck and deny, okay?
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What's the ultimate goal?
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God is parenting us.
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His ultimate purpose being that we he grows in
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us the character of Christ?
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Everything is at stake.
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Your children, you don't like this.
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But they are going to become you.
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Don't worry that your sons and daughters
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are not listening to you because they are totally ADD
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and they've got, I raised 4 kids and I've got 9 grandchildren.
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So I feel your pain.
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Don't worry that they're not listening to you.
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They sort of are.
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be terrified that they're watching you.
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Because they will become you.
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And they will become your strengths.
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They will become some of your failures,
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your idiosyncrasies, and then they'll have whole new things that are all uniquely
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theirs when you mix the DNA pot together of
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all the chromosomes.
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For those of you that do have children, I want you to
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answer this question.
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What do I want my child to be like at 18?
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What do I want my child to be like at
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25 at 50?
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Because here's the thing.
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Your children are going to be something at 1820,
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25, 35, and 50.
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What they become largely depends on you.
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Now, there are voices that will inform
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your children, all the white noise social media, the internet,
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all the gurus, all the influencers, all the things going on in the world.
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If we as parents don't do
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our homework and invest
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in our children, somebody else will mentor them.
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Somebody else will form them.
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Somebody else will, so you as parents,
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I'm not talking about being controlling or weird.
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I'm not talking in any way about being heavy handed.
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I am talking about, for God's sake, have a strategy.
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For God's sake, be intentional and
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begin with the end in mind.
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So what do you want your child to believe at 18.
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What do you want them to believe about ethics, that the whole world is
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situational ethics, and we each have our own personal truth,
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or is there a body of truth which
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is actually an ultimate ethical ethos?
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So how do kids arrive at that point?
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Somebody's got to form them.
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I vote you.
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Okay, I want to tell you a little bit about the story of
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myself because what's at stake here in all this?
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You know what's at stake?
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Your child's eternity?
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And your legacy.
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I buried a man I loved very deeply.
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I buried them on Friday of last week.
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Just died of a heart attack dropped dead.
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I watched his 2 sons get up and talk to us
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at the funeral, and I wept tears of joy.
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Because Brett's not dead.
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He's living on and his sons.
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If you close your eyes, I'm hearing Brett.
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I'm hearing his soul, his essence, his everything, right?
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And so what I'm wanting to say to
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you, you look at a guy like me and you say, what is this clown
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up there talking, know about somebody like me.
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If you knew what my life is like.
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So I just, I'm going to actually say something
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to you now in the next few minutes, believe it or not, I
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haven't even said this stuff to my church family, but I
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feel safer saying it to you because you won't see me next week.
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unless so I'm safe.
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Unless Caleb brings me back, and I hope you will.
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What I'm trying to tell you is what you can
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become, if you will set aside your phobias,
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if you will set aside your biases, if you will set aside
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your residual angers and hostilities
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and false assumptions, I teach
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the principle and leadership of flush.
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We all flush every day.
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We have to flush out false
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ways of thinking, untrue, fundamentally untrue,
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assumptions that are
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owning us and informing how we live and how we behave.
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So that's why the Bible talks about being transformed
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by the word of God, out with the
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old, in with the new, and I want you to
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begin to believe, view parents, that it's not too late
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for your son and daughter.
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I don't care where they're at in the moment.
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You never write off anybody.
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Because people are always worth reaching redemptively for.
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My parents married at 16 and 17 and
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divorced at 2627.
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So 10 years marriage.
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By that time, had 5 kids.
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I in the middle of five.
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Yes, Dr. Phil, Oprah, and my psychologist
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are much enriched by my, uh,
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no, I actually, I was the crybaby peacemaker,
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middle child trying to make everybody get along.
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My mom's, for a number of years after
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the divorce, my mom was working as a cashier at Safeway.
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And so, you know, the biggest problem was I was raised
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by my two older brothers, and all they ever did is beat the fire out of me.
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Or put me in the dryer and turn it on.
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Isn't that funny?
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He, he, he, he, he.
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I wish I'd have known about CPS back in about 1965.
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I have had those suckers arrested.
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My wife grew up in a home that was
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a very nominal Christian home.
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So, John and Carrie meet at 18 and
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19, we marry at 20 and 21, and we're
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now been together 45 years.
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And before you say, By the
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way, go ahead and put up that first picture, if you would.
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There's my wife.
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She is a Sacramento girl.
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I stole her, I stole her from all you brigands and thugs.
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All you poor suckers in Sacramento.
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I got there first.
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Um, and she is
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the treasurer of my life.
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And my best friend, and neither
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of us are a pushover.
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At some point, you quit trying to change your mate
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into your image and say, God, you can be God all by yourself.
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I think I'll get off the God seat and let you do that.
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I'm just gonna love her as she is right now.
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It's incredibly liberating.
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But I didn't learn that for about 25 years.
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Okay?
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So call me dumb and it's true.
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These are our children.
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Next picture?
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No, not them.
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Those are my 3 grandsons.
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That's the whole family.
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Not that yet.
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Can you make that one smaller?
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We're still losing some family members.
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But go ahead and go to the next picture with the 4 of us.
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No, that's my wife and our granddaughters.
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I've only got 250 slides.
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Would you like to... go to the next one?
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By the way, I'm investing in the souls of all those,
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the next one's the...
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No, there's one with me, my wife, and our four adult children.
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Keep going.
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Oh, my.
00:13:37:04 - 00:13:37:29
Okay.
00:13:38:01 - 00:13:41:06
I want to tell you a story, because Johnny
00:13:41:06 - 00:13:43:05
Carey, these are our children.
00:13:43:07 - 00:13:45:19
These are my two daughters.
00:13:45:21 - 00:13:48:26
We had daughters, number one and number 4 bookends with
00:13:48:27 - 00:13:49:27
two sons in the middle.
00:13:50:01 - 00:13:53:10
My daughter, Caitlyn, my daughter, Candace,
00:13:53:10 - 00:13:56:22
my son, Ryan, and
00:13:57:18 - 00:13:58:25
my son, Logan.
00:13:58:27 - 00:14:03:03
So those are the four Greggs, children, for whom I'm responsible.
00:14:06:05 - 00:14:07:14
They're for sinnerlings.
00:14:07:16 - 00:14:10:19
That's what they arrived on the planet, fearfully and wonderfully
00:14:10:20 - 00:14:12:28
made in his image, and big fat centers.
00:14:13:00 - 00:14:16:00
And that's true to their DNA because they come from
00:14:16:00 - 00:14:18:08
2 big fat centers called John and Carey.
00:14:18:10 - 00:14:21:13
What I'm trying to say to you is, I never had
00:14:21:14 - 00:14:25:05
any understanding of God, the Bible, anything spiritually,
00:14:25:06 - 00:14:27:27
any body of truth till I was 16,
00:14:27:28 - 00:14:29:22
The same with my wife.
00:14:29:28 - 00:14:33:01
And we didn't have a
00:14:33:01 - 00:14:35:29
silver spoon in our mouths.
00:14:36:01 - 00:14:37:07
We didn't have any advantage.
00:14:37:09 - 00:14:38:13
We didn't have.
00:14:38:15 - 00:14:40:23
We just started out with 2 people as a dream.
00:14:43:07 - 00:14:45:28
Me especially from a fractured, broken family.
00:14:46:00 - 00:14:49:21
And so we had to decide how are we going to do life together?
00:14:49:24 - 00:14:51:03
How are we going to be married?
00:14:51:05 - 00:14:54:01
How or go ahead and keep that picture up for just a moment?
00:14:54:03 - 00:14:56:09
How are we going to be married?
00:14:56:12 - 00:14:57:07
Yeah, keep that one up.
00:14:57:09 - 00:14:59:15
You're missing one of my son-in-laws.
00:14:59:17 - 00:15:03:24
No, there's my 2 son-in-laws there by their wives, my daughters.
00:15:04:00 - 00:15:06:21
By the way, son-in-laws are awesome.
00:15:06:23 - 00:15:08:00
Daughters-in-laws are awesome.
00:15:08:03 - 00:15:11:03
I just, after your children marry good people,
00:15:11:03 - 00:15:14:19
you feel like if I die now and leave the earth, it is well with my soul.
00:15:15:05 - 00:15:19:05
So, We grew
00:15:19:06 - 00:15:23:03
up in the children grew up at that time, Carrie and I were born and raised in California.
00:15:23:04 - 00:15:26:09
They grew up and we were pastoring at that time in Caldispell,
00:15:26:10 - 00:15:27:19
Montana, and from Montana.
00:15:27:21 - 00:15:30:26
This is what's happened in their lives from
00:15:30:27 - 00:15:34:06
a 20 and 20 year old when we began, because all
00:15:34:06 - 00:15:38:06
we could do is hope in the Lord, and build our lives on
00:15:38:06 - 00:15:41:06
the sure truth and promises of his word, and we
00:15:41:06 - 00:15:44:06
just stuck at it, just stuck at it, just stuck at it,
00:15:44:21 - 00:15:47:06
and God helped us every step of the way.
00:15:47:13 - 00:15:51:04
Caitlin is now
00:15:51:05 - 00:15:54:17
41 in the dark blue dress holding
00:15:54:18 - 00:15:56:01
her daughter, Lucy.
00:15:56:06 - 00:15:59:06
Caitlin got a PhD
00:15:59:06 - 00:16:02:13
in public health at Boston University, and now leads the Human
00:16:02:13 - 00:16:05:14
Flourishing Department at Harvard University, is
00:16:05:26 - 00:16:08:26
traveling everywhere around the world most recently
00:16:08:26 - 00:16:10:02
in the White House.
00:16:10:22 - 00:16:14:11
Paul is her husband, the, the, thank God
00:16:14:17 - 00:16:17:00
I got some height in who my kids married.
00:16:17:04 - 00:16:20:04
I mean, because we're really good from here up.
00:16:20:06 - 00:16:23:20
It's from here down that, so we got some leg height.
00:16:23:24 - 00:16:26:29
Paul is also a medical doctor,
00:16:27:00 - 00:16:30:01
an internist, an
00:16:30:01 - 00:16:33:13
internal medicine doctor, and together,
00:16:33:14 - 00:16:36:15
they fulfill their vocational cruise, but
00:16:36:16 - 00:16:39:16
also lead our compassion ministries at the Bay Church,
00:16:39:16 - 00:16:42:17
which started 10 years ago with a bologna sandwich and a
00:16:42:18 - 00:16:43:18
Ziploc baggie.
00:16:43:20 - 00:16:46:14
And now we're doing several million dollars a year.
00:16:46:16 - 00:16:48:26
We have several shower trailers.
00:16:48:28 - 00:16:52:05
We showered over 7,000 homeless people last year.
00:16:52:13 - 00:16:55:20
We have food markets on Saturdays.
00:16:55:22 - 00:16:59:01
We're sharing, and this,
00:16:59:01 - 00:17:02:15
primarily with undocumented human beings
00:17:02:15 - 00:17:04:01
whom God loves and who we love.
00:17:04:04 - 00:17:05:29
We don't ask what your legal status is.
00:17:06:03 - 00:17:09:04
We just love human beings at the point of their need.
00:17:09:07 - 00:17:12:01
We're serving 1000000s of pounds of fresh food.
00:17:12:03 - 00:17:14:18
We're buying refrigeration trucks.
00:17:14:21 - 00:17:17:24
I mean, honestly, we've got a couple 1000 people in our church that
00:17:17:24 - 00:17:20:25
at any time are thrilled to serve in some
00:17:20:26 - 00:17:22:09
capacity and compassion.
00:17:22:11 - 00:17:26:04
That's what Paul and Caitlin do, as well as their jobs as well as their parenting.
00:17:26:06 - 00:17:29:25
Ryan is on staff with us at the Bay Church.
00:17:29:28 - 00:17:33:07
He has kind of an beard and an olive colored shirt on.
00:17:33:09 - 00:17:36:09
He got a PhD in religion from Harvard
00:17:36:09 - 00:17:40:16
University, also from Hebrew University in Jerusalem.
00:17:40:18 - 00:17:44:13
He teaches all of our Bible teaching at the Bay Church.
00:17:44:15 - 00:17:48:08
So we do everything together as a group of about 18 of us.
00:17:48:10 - 00:17:51:15
And it is so much more fun,
00:17:51:16 - 00:17:55:14
creating messages, life giving truth together than solo.
00:17:55:16 - 00:17:58:25
Ryan's married to Sarah, who is a psychologist.
00:17:59:03 - 00:18:02:03
He said, Dad, I did this as an economic measure to save money.
00:18:02:04 - 00:18:04:05
Because I'm going to need it going forward.
00:18:04:09 - 00:18:07:09
He's intense like me, and thank
00:18:07:09 - 00:18:10:23
God for things like Zoloft is one of his, for those of your medical,
00:18:10:24 - 00:18:11:26
you know what Zoloft is.
00:18:11:28 - 00:18:13:25
That's not the medical name, that's the common name.
00:18:13:27 - 00:18:15:03
Hallelujah.
00:18:15:05 - 00:18:16:20
Jesus and Zoloft, here we go.
00:18:17:03 - 00:18:20:12
Logan was the child.
00:18:20:13 - 00:18:22:25
Logan is the one in the back and the light green.
00:18:22:27 - 00:18:26:06
Looks like he has a military haircut, because he's in the military.
00:18:26:08 - 00:18:28:11
He's a major in the United States Army.
00:18:28:13 - 00:18:29:26
He's been in about 22 years.
00:18:29:28 - 00:18:31:25
He started out at West Point.
00:18:31:27 - 00:18:34:28
Additionally, he has a master's screen
00:18:34:29 - 00:18:38:00
kinesiology from the University of Montana.
00:18:38:03 - 00:18:39:27
He married a CPA.
00:18:39:28 - 00:18:43:14
So I've got doctors, CPAs, and psychologists.
00:18:43:18 - 00:18:46:16
I need a banker, but I'm out of kids.
00:18:46:18 - 00:18:49:09
I'm out of kids, so I'll figure that one out.
00:18:49:13 - 00:18:52:14
Anyhow, that being said, three children, all
00:18:52:15 - 00:18:53:21
over Madeline, and James.
00:18:53:24 - 00:18:57:01
My baby girl, Candace, on the end over here.
00:18:57:07 - 00:19:01:05
She got her masters at
00:19:01:06 - 00:19:04:13
Yale in physical, being a physician's assistant.
00:19:04:16 - 00:19:07:19
And while there, met an amazing man
00:19:07:20 - 00:19:10:11
to the left, who I call my version of Harry Potter.
00:19:10:24 - 00:19:14:19
He is a cardiologist, Dr. Nathan Maris.
00:19:14:21 - 00:19:16:06
They are pregnant with their first child.
00:19:18:07 - 00:19:19:00
How does this happen?
00:19:19:04 - 00:19:23:28
Given the flawed, very imperfect,
00:19:23:28 - 00:19:27:14
with no advantages of any kind because
00:19:27:14 - 00:19:31:09
we didn't have, like, godly parents speaking wisdom into our lives.
00:19:31:11 - 00:19:34:20
Rather than pout, we said, hey, listen, greater is
00:19:34:20 - 00:19:36:14
he that's in us than he that's in the world.
00:19:36:16 - 00:19:39:16
If anybody comes to Christ, we're a new creation.
00:19:39:18 - 00:19:41:08
The old is gone, the newest comes.
00:19:41:10 - 00:19:42:23
So as new creation.
00:19:42:25 - 00:19:45:21
God, would you help us be a really good husband, a wife?
00:19:45:23 - 00:19:49:07
God, would you help us learn how to be terrific parents?
00:19:49:09 - 00:19:50:13
God, would you help us?
00:19:50:13 - 00:19:51:29
How to learn to be great pastors?
00:19:52:04 - 00:19:52:07
Okay?
00:19:53:01 - 00:19:53:17
All these things.
00:19:53:19 - 00:19:56:26
Now, I say
00:19:56:26 - 00:20:00:05
this simply, and go ahead and leave that picture up for just a minute.
00:20:00:07 - 00:20:03:08
I say that because I
00:20:03:09 - 00:20:06:14
want you to believe that the same God that helped to
00:20:06:14 - 00:20:09:21
flawed unfinished people like John and Carey,
00:20:09:21 - 00:20:12:06
he is for you, not against you.
00:20:12:09 - 00:20:13:18
He is with you.
00:20:13:20 - 00:20:17:15
His promises are great and precious and accessible
00:20:17:15 - 00:20:18:21
and available to you.
00:20:18:23 - 00:20:21:05
Turned to God.
00:20:21:07 - 00:20:25:07
Look to the resources of our perfect parent as it were.
00:20:25:09 - 00:20:25:14
Right?
00:20:26:10 - 00:20:27:19
Remember, what is parenting?
00:20:27:21 - 00:20:30:24
It's learning to treat and parent our children like God
00:20:30:25 - 00:20:33:03
the Father treats us and parents us.
00:20:33:05 - 00:20:34:11
Look at me, everybody.
00:20:34:13 - 00:20:37:07
Would you agree that God the Father's the perfect parent?
00:20:37:09 - 00:20:37:21
Yeah.
00:20:38:13 - 00:20:42:01
But even he lost his 1st 2 kids.
00:20:42:03 - 00:20:43:23
They rebelled against him.
00:20:43:25 - 00:20:45:02
Adam and Eve.
00:20:45:05 - 00:20:46:20
Have you ever thought about that?
00:20:46:22 - 00:20:50:01
They were in the perfect environment sinless,
00:20:50:01 - 00:20:52:11
raised by the perfect parent, as it were.
00:20:52:15 - 00:20:55:24
So what I'm trying to say, some of you have kids,
00:20:55:24 - 00:20:57:23
you go, I don't know where this kid came from.
00:20:57:25 - 00:21:00:07
We've got three, and this one is a humdinger.
00:21:00:15 - 00:21:03:14
And I'm not sure where Humor Dinger came from.
00:21:03:16 - 00:21:06:23
So let's do a DNA test and says
00:21:06:23 - 00:21:08:04
something's not right here, Harry.
00:21:08:08 - 00:21:10:20
Okay, no, they're yours.
00:21:10:22 - 00:21:13:22
And that's why the Bible says, raise
00:21:13:22 - 00:21:17:02
a child in the way that they're to go, when they're old, they won't depart from it.
00:21:17:04 - 00:21:20:07
The idea in the Hebrew there, when you rear your children
00:21:20:08 - 00:21:23:08
as individuals, even though they're full genetic brothers
00:21:23:08 - 00:21:26:17
and sisters, you have to rear them as individuals,
00:21:26:17 - 00:21:28:18
because they are unique individuals.
00:21:29:04 - 00:21:32:07
You have the same principles, but you
00:21:32:08 - 00:21:34:11
adjust them to the temperament of your children.
00:21:34:13 - 00:21:36:03
My daughter, Candace.
00:21:36:05 - 00:21:37:07
Oh, there's the picture.
00:21:37:09 - 00:21:39:01
This is my family.
00:21:42:15 - 00:21:43:15
This kid...
00:21:44:22 - 00:21:45:15
And this kid.
00:21:45:19 - 00:21:49:19
I had to instruct him from time to time with the two by four.
00:21:51:07 - 00:21:54:08
Logan actually had a very earnest, teachable
00:21:54:09 - 00:21:57:25
heart, and Candace was becoming
00:21:57:25 - 00:22:01:13
a first class subterranean manipulator, 'cause
00:22:01:13 - 00:22:03:14
as the youngest, she's watching, Okay, that was stupid.
00:22:03:16 - 00:22:04:25
They got busted for that.
00:22:04:27 - 00:22:06:26
Oh, that didn't work out good for Caitlin Ryan Logan.
00:22:06:28 - 00:22:07:10
I'll do this.
00:22:07:16 - 00:22:10:26
But she was devious and nefarious.
00:22:10:29 - 00:22:14:00
Anyhow, her love language, you've got to
00:22:14:01 - 00:22:15:03
learn your kids' love language.
00:22:15:05 - 00:22:17:24
Remember, in the Hebrew and the way that they're to go, they're unique music.
00:22:17:26 - 00:22:19:27
Awaken the music within your children.
00:22:19:29 - 00:22:22:29
You're not connecting with your children until
00:22:22:29 - 00:22:26:04
you build relationship with their children, they're not going to listen to
00:22:26:04 - 00:22:29:09
your rules, your guidelines, your policies, your suggestions,
00:22:29:10 - 00:22:32:02
your orders, they're going to say, out with you.
00:22:32:08 - 00:22:35:17
So it's all about relationship.
00:22:35:21 - 00:22:36:14
Okay, we'll get to that.
00:22:36:16 - 00:22:39:21
Now, you have a ton of
00:22:39:21 - 00:22:42:17
stuff available to you.
00:22:42:19 - 00:22:43:03
Remember that doctor?
00:22:43:06 - 00:22:43:29
document I showed you?
00:22:44:01 - 00:22:46:13
I'm going to read through right now.
00:22:46:18 - 00:22:49:23
the 10 principles that I want to share with you today,
00:22:49:24 - 00:22:52:07
but we're only going to do about 2 or three, so don't panic.
00:22:52:18 - 00:22:56:09
Uh, The 10
00:22:56:10 - 00:22:59:22
common sense biblical principles for rearing healthy,
00:22:59:22 - 00:23:02:25
well adjusted, spiritual, whole, happy,
00:23:02:26 - 00:23:04:29
flourishing sons and daughters.
00:23:05:03 - 00:23:06:25
Because remember, what's at stake?
00:23:06:27 - 00:23:09:12
their eternity and your legacy.
00:23:09:14 - 00:23:12:14
You and I, when we're on our deathbed, and
00:23:12:14 - 00:23:13:20
that will happen for all of us.
00:23:13:22 - 00:23:16:25
We're not going to look back at our jobs, our careers,
00:23:16:25 - 00:23:20:04
our accolades, our stuff hanging on the walls or on a shelf.
00:23:20:06 - 00:23:23:18
We're going to say, how is it with my
00:23:23:19 - 00:23:26:22
family, my marriage, my children, my...
00:23:27:09 - 00:23:30:10
So principle, one, we're going to start with, is we're going to create a
00:23:30:10 - 00:23:33:29
home that is marriage centered, not child centered.
00:23:34:02 - 00:23:37:02
That principle alone is the
00:23:37:02 - 00:23:39:05
central transformational principle.
00:23:39:07 - 00:23:42:12
Because if you go down the road of child centered and
00:23:42:12 - 00:23:46:05
you're doing it out of what you believe to be sincere
00:23:46:06 - 00:23:49:09
and earnest good intent, you'll probably produce
00:23:49:09 - 00:23:50:27
entitled narcissist.
00:23:51:00 - 00:23:54:09
The believe the world revolves around them,
00:23:54:09 - 00:23:57:07
and you'll probably lose your marriage in the driveway.
00:23:57:09 - 00:23:58:27
You know why?
00:23:58:29 - 00:24:01:29
Because she's backing out with 2 of the kids and they're going to ballet
00:24:01:29 - 00:24:05:26
or they're going to soccer or they're going to some other kid's birthday party.
00:24:05:28 - 00:24:09:07
You're driving in to get the other 2 kids to take them, and
00:24:09:07 - 00:24:12:14
whole days and weeks and months can go by, and you've
00:24:12:14 - 00:24:13:21
lost each other in the driveway.
00:24:13:25 - 00:24:17:05
In the world of the soccer god and the hobby
00:24:17:06 - 00:24:19:10
god and all the other activity god.
00:24:19:13 - 00:24:22:16
And I'm saying, that stuff in and of itself,
00:24:22:16 - 00:24:24:19
it's not bad, but you got to keep it in balance.
00:24:24:21 - 00:24:27:22
I said it once, I'll say it again, most people spend
00:24:27:23 - 00:24:30:24
more time on their hobbies and planning their
00:24:30:25 - 00:24:33:25
vacation this year than they do and creating
00:24:33:25 - 00:24:36:26
a strategy to rear their sons and daughters
00:24:36:27 - 00:24:39:21
to be full flourishing winning human beings.
00:24:39:23 - 00:24:40:14
Okay?
00:24:40:16 - 00:24:44:04
Number two, create home environments based
00:24:44:04 - 00:24:47:04
on the transformational power of love, God's love,
00:24:47:04 - 00:24:48:04
and your love.
00:24:48:07 - 00:24:52:07
Number three, model for your children, love and reverence for God.
00:24:52:09 - 00:24:53:15
Remember, they're not listening.
00:24:53:17 - 00:24:54:05
They are watching.
00:24:54:07 - 00:24:57:19
Number four, be courageous and consistent in
00:24:57:19 - 00:24:59:23
building character in your sons and daughters.
00:24:59:26 - 00:25:03:23
The Lord disciplines those whom he loves, and so should.
00:25:05:07 - 00:25:06:04
Righteous parents.
00:25:06:07 - 00:25:09:08
Number five, the essential purpose of discipline
00:25:09:09 - 00:25:12:12
is to help our children associate pain with
00:25:12:12 - 00:25:15:13
wrongdoing and so guide them to
00:25:15:14 - 00:25:18:14
a long life of blessing and ultimately save their soul,
00:25:18:14 - 00:25:22:05
number six, discern between childish irresponsibility
00:25:22:06 - 00:25:24:19
and willful disobedience.
00:25:24:21 - 00:25:28:01
Some parents will get after their children for spilling
00:25:28:02 - 00:25:29:18
their milk for the 19th time.
00:25:29:21 - 00:25:32:10
It's because they have bad hand eye coordination.
00:25:32:12 - 00:25:34:09
Get him a sippy cup, for God's sake.
00:25:34:13 - 00:25:37:27
You know, don't get on that, and then their kids will shoplift,
00:25:37:27 - 00:25:40:18
and they'll do nothing other than yell at the store owner.
00:25:40:20 - 00:25:42:15
My kid would never do that.
00:25:44:04 - 00:25:47:05
So, you have to, you
00:25:47:06 - 00:25:51:12
know, make sure that you're understanding the intent, the motivation.
00:25:51:14 - 00:25:52:00
Why should we do that?
00:25:52:02 - 00:25:55:11
Because that's exactly how God pastors us,
00:25:55:11 - 00:25:57:12
parents, us, treats us.
00:25:57:14 - 00:26:00:21
The Bible says, God doesn't look at height, stature, parents,
00:26:00:21 - 00:26:03:12
accolades, financial bottom line, investments, et cetera.
00:26:03:16 - 00:26:05:04
God looks at the,
00:26:06:10 - 00:26:08:07
Yeah, why we do, what we do.
00:26:08:10 - 00:26:11:11
We've got to be attentive and know the souls of our
00:26:11:12 - 00:26:15:00
children to understand why they're doing what they're doing.
00:26:15:01 - 00:26:15:29
Next.
00:26:16:07 - 00:26:20:25
Shape your child's will without breaking their spirit.
00:26:21:01 - 00:26:24:13
That will be a deft touch that
00:26:24:14 - 00:26:25:21
God will develop in you.
00:26:25:24 - 00:26:28:24
Number eight, rules without a relationship leads to
00:26:28:24 - 00:26:29:24
rebellion.
00:26:29:26 - 00:26:31:14
Please open wide your ears.
00:26:31:16 - 00:26:35:05
Here's number nine, 0 my goodness, if we
00:26:35:06 - 00:26:36:22
would just get this one down.
00:26:36:25 - 00:26:40:02
The power of life and death is
00:26:40:02 - 00:26:41:27
in the tongue.
00:26:42:07 - 00:26:45:07
You are creating your
00:26:45:07 - 00:26:49:00
child's understanding of themselves.
00:26:49:02 - 00:26:52:02
You're creating their sense of self, their self-esteem,
00:26:52:02 - 00:26:55:02
their self-identity, their self-value,
00:26:55:02 - 00:26:58:07
how they see not only themselves, but the
00:26:58:07 - 00:27:02:09
lens through which they see and interpret their world and
00:27:02:10 - 00:27:06:23
relationship and beliefs and core values.
00:27:06:25 - 00:27:09:17
We are creating it out of this pie hole.
00:27:11:22 - 00:27:16:21
The Bible says out of the abundance of the heart, the mouse speaks.
00:27:16:24 - 00:27:19:27
So from the heart of the parents, we're
00:27:19:27 - 00:27:23:29
creating the future, the life for what our children will be.
00:27:24:01 - 00:27:26:02
Do you know our children could be grown in God.
00:27:26:04 - 00:27:28:16
They can be living and for pity's sake, Saudi Arabia.
00:27:28:18 - 00:27:31:21
working in, I don't know, the oil industry,
00:27:31:22 - 00:27:34:23
petroleum industry, and they're 12,000 miles
00:27:34:24 - 00:27:37:04
away from you in about 95 time zones.
00:27:37:06 - 00:27:39:01
But you know what's going on in their head?
00:27:39:03 - 00:27:42:03
All the things you said to them
00:27:42:03 - 00:27:43:18
when they were growing up.
00:27:43:20 - 00:27:45:05
They've got this tape recorder going,
00:27:45:07 - 00:27:47:24
Can you not close your eyes right now and hear your mother's voice?
00:27:47:28 - 00:27:51:08
I look in the mirror every day when I shave and I see my mother.
00:27:51:10 - 00:27:54:11
Because I mean, meaning, you know, you're becoming more
00:27:54:12 - 00:27:58:03
like, and I'm simply saying, what more beautiful
00:27:58:04 - 00:28:01:07
thing could we do than to lay a
00:28:01:07 - 00:28:04:07
banquet table before our children, a
00:28:04:07 - 00:28:06:04
worldview?
00:28:06:14 - 00:28:10:05
that is Christ centered, and
00:28:10:06 - 00:28:13:16
it's built around all that is right and true
00:28:13:16 - 00:28:15:29
and beautiful and possible, right?
00:28:16:18 - 00:28:19:28
Rather than the kinds of negative things
00:28:19:29 - 00:28:23:29
that explode out of our mouths, the power of the tongue.
00:28:24:01 - 00:28:24:29
Life and death.
00:28:25:02 - 00:28:29:04
And then number 10, give your child your unconditional blessing will end with that.
00:28:29:06 - 00:28:31:05
Okay, let's backtrack and hit a couple big ones.
00:28:31:07 - 00:28:34:10
I want to start again with that 1st
00:28:34:11 - 00:28:37:11
one, which is a marriage centered home.
00:28:40:13 - 00:28:44:24
I want to add here that When the
00:28:44:24 - 00:28:48:01
students fully taught Jesus said this specifically, when
00:28:48:01 - 00:28:51:06
the student's fully taught, the student becomes like the who, the
00:28:52:00 - 00:28:53:07
teacher, okay?
00:28:53:10 - 00:28:55:18
If I help pastors all the time,
00:28:55:22 - 00:28:58:23
And if a pastor has been at a church, like, say, at least 3 years,
00:28:58:24 - 00:29:00:05
and he can't stand his church.
00:29:00:07 - 00:29:02:01
He's like, I hate my church.
00:29:02:03 - 00:29:03:23
I said, well, how long you been there?
00:29:03:25 - 00:29:05:15
About 5 years?
00:29:05:17 - 00:29:07:12
Okay, you're the problem.
00:29:09:07 - 00:29:12:08
Because they are becoming you and you aren't healthy.
00:29:12:12 - 00:29:14:27
They are becoming you and you're very angry.
00:29:15:00 - 00:29:18:12
You're becoming you and
00:29:18:12 - 00:29:19:25
you're yelling at them all the time.
00:29:19:27 - 00:29:20:29
You're not lifting them up.
00:29:21:01 - 00:29:22:17
You're beating them down.
00:29:22:20 - 00:29:24:23
You're nitpicking at false.
00:29:24:27 - 00:29:28:02
And all you're doing, you know, psychologically what projection
00:29:28:02 - 00:29:30:07
is, lots of people do that in the pulpit.
00:29:31:07 - 00:29:31:10
Okay.
00:29:31:15 - 00:29:34:25
There has to be a statute of limitations,
00:29:34:25 - 00:29:36:17
everybody, on your oi booboos.
00:29:36:19 - 00:29:39:22
At some point, you've got to say, yes, this
00:29:39:23 - 00:29:44:06
thing happened to me and it may be truly, truly bad.
00:29:45:22 - 00:29:48:24
At some point in life, you've got
00:29:48:25 - 00:29:51:26
to be able to say, I truly give this to
00:29:51:27 - 00:29:55:15
God and keep practicing releasing that and seeing
00:29:55:15 - 00:29:58:20
it covered by the grace of God so that
00:29:58:20 - 00:30:02:00
you can approach your life with a wholeness
00:30:02:01 - 00:30:05:06
with a health, with a
00:30:05:06 - 00:30:08:21
peace of mind, with a centered soul.
00:30:09:07 - 00:30:13:09
Otherwise, you're letting what happened to you in 1965
00:30:13:09 - 00:30:17:02
or 1979 or 1982
00:30:17:03 - 00:30:20:10
or 2003 control you,
00:30:20:10 - 00:30:23:15
and it's ancient history, and the people that may have hurt you
00:30:23:15 - 00:30:26:18
or caused the whole profound wound in you, they're dead.
00:30:26:22 - 00:30:28:17
They're long gone.
00:30:28:20 - 00:30:31:21
Now, I'm not talking about legal matters
00:30:31:22 - 00:30:33:10
of like sexual violence.
00:30:33:12 - 00:30:36:21
I'm not talking about, we report that and we get the
00:30:36:21 - 00:30:37:23
people arrested.
00:30:37:25 - 00:30:38:06
Okay?
00:30:38:22 - 00:30:39:20
There's accountability.
00:30:39:23 - 00:30:43:07
There's no margin for any violence or abuse of any kind.
00:30:43:09 - 00:30:44:21
We understand that's a given, okay?
00:30:46:00 - 00:30:50:03
I'm saying to you, hurt people, hurt people.
00:30:50:06 - 00:30:53:07
And the hurt people that hurt people, you know what they do
00:30:53:08 - 00:30:55:18
not know most of the time, they don't even know they're doing it.
00:30:55:20 - 00:30:58:23
Because that is their worldview.
00:30:58:27 - 00:31:00:17
That's the only reflexive life.
00:31:00:19 - 00:31:03:28
You know, my wife will ask me, why do you keep doing it that way?
00:31:04:00 - 00:31:05:07
Or I'll ask her what?
00:31:06:09 - 00:31:06:23
Is there another way?
00:31:08:00 - 00:31:09:25
That's all I've ever seen?
00:31:09:28 - 00:31:12:06
And that's all I've ever done.
00:31:12:09 - 00:31:14:10
And yet it's counterproductive.
00:31:14:12 - 00:31:15:19
Is there not a better way?
00:31:15:21 - 00:31:17:04
So I'm challenging you.
00:31:17:06 - 00:31:20:29
You say, John, why aren't you spending so much time with us as parents?
00:31:21:01 - 00:31:24:24
And the adults because you're
00:31:24:25 - 00:31:26:10
producing children in your own image.
00:31:26:19 - 00:31:29:19
So we already talked a little
00:31:29:19 - 00:31:33:28
bit about being marriage centered, not child centered.
00:31:34:04 - 00:31:36:28
Your little girls in your home.
00:31:37:00 - 00:31:40:03
The only understanding they'll ever have of
00:31:40:04 - 00:31:43:16
how a man is supposed to treat a woman, of how
00:31:43:16 - 00:31:46:17
a man is supposed to treasure a woman, respect
00:31:46:18 - 00:31:50:15
a woman, honor a woman, is dads from you.
00:31:52:00 - 00:31:55:00
Our little boys, the only way that they will ever
00:31:55:00 - 00:31:57:21
see what a woman is supposed to be like, et cetera.
00:31:57:23 - 00:31:59:24
In other words, you may say, well, that's not fair.
00:31:59:26 - 00:32:02:09
I tell them all the time, kids, I'm a crappy husband.
00:32:02:12 - 00:32:02:28
Don't look at me.
00:32:03:00 - 00:32:04:11
No, you can't get off that easy.
00:32:04:15 - 00:32:08:12
Because they're watching you, and they're the only model you see.
00:32:08:13 - 00:32:11:16
And so when they turn 12, 13, 14, and they
00:32:11:17 - 00:32:14:18
hardly ever want to eat dinner at night at home, and they want to be at their
00:32:14:19 - 00:32:17:19
friend's house, and their social group, their sphere of
00:32:17:19 - 00:32:20:22
influence, their buddies, their pals, their posse,
00:32:20:22 - 00:32:24:02
becomes their peeps, and they don't want to be around you anymore,
00:32:24:03 - 00:32:25:16
is they can't stand the tension.
00:32:25:18 - 00:32:28:19
They hate the bickering, they hate the fighting, they hate
00:32:28:20 - 00:32:32:00
the honestly, the childishness,
00:32:32:01 - 00:32:33:28
the unresolved conflict.
00:32:34:02 - 00:32:37:11
And I'm saying this ought not be.
00:32:37:13 - 00:32:40:20
God is the God of peace and he's giving us all the tools
00:32:40:20 - 00:32:43:27
that we need to bring that into our lives and families.
00:32:43:29 - 00:32:46:12
Okay, let's go to number 3 very quickly.
00:32:48:00 - 00:32:51:12
All of them are equally important, but I just don't have time because
00:32:51:12 - 00:32:54:06
you guys will persecute me greatly if we're still going on Thursday.
00:32:56:00 - 00:32:59:24
Number three, we already set a model for your children love and respect for God.
00:33:03:22 - 00:33:07:21
How many of you grew up in a home of harsh religion?
00:33:07:24 - 00:33:10:24
And maybe not even Christian religion, but a
00:33:10:24 - 00:33:13:22
harsh religious environment where it was...
00:33:15:07 - 00:33:15:26
Raise your hands.
00:33:17:22 - 00:33:19:07
Okay, that encourages me.
00:33:19:09 - 00:33:22:14
Only a few, and I see you're only raising it tentatively because you're
00:33:22:15 - 00:33:24:21
saying, are you going to call me out absolutely not.
00:33:26:15 - 00:33:28:13
Look at a veteran pastor here.
00:33:28:15 - 00:33:29:21
I'm all beat up and haggard.
00:33:31:22 - 00:33:35:00
I would way rather deal with sincerely
00:33:35:01 - 00:33:38:10
lost people than I would screwed
00:33:38:10 - 00:33:40:02
up religious legalistic Christians.
00:33:40:07 - 00:33:43:25
By far, the cruelest people I've
00:33:43:25 - 00:33:47:16
ever run into are legalistic,
00:33:47:17 - 00:33:49:23
unhealthy, toxic believers.
00:33:50:12 - 00:33:52:18
Okay, are you hearing me today?
00:33:52:20 - 00:33:56:08
So what I want to say to you is,
00:33:56:08 - 00:33:59:11
you have to model, remember, we're parenting
00:33:59:12 - 00:34:02:21
our children, we're treating our children like God the Father treats us, we
00:34:02:21 - 00:34:07:24
have to model for our children, love and reverence for God.
00:34:09:22 - 00:34:12:13
The word of God holds a sacred place in our house.
00:34:12:16 - 00:34:15:19
We don't have a shrine for it, but it does sit right in
00:34:15:19 - 00:34:17:13
front of where I sat at the table.
00:34:17:15 - 00:34:20:25
When my wife and I began, we went down to some god
00:34:20:26 - 00:34:24:03
awful warehouse in our 1st place of ministry, in the inner city,
00:34:24:03 - 00:34:27:04
and we got a dining room table at
00:34:27:05 - 00:34:30:14
a wholesale price, 45 years later, we're still sitting there.
00:34:30:18 - 00:34:33:25
I've had university presidents.
00:34:33:27 - 00:34:36:14
I've had presidential cabinet people.
00:34:36:16 - 00:34:40:04
I've had renowned preachers and missionaries,
00:34:40:04 - 00:34:43:25
I've had economic business and academic leaders at my table.
00:34:43:27 - 00:34:45:19
He said, How did you do that?
00:34:45:21 - 00:34:46:28
I invited them.
00:34:47:03 - 00:34:50:24
Because my children are gonna take their cues from somebody.
00:34:50:26 - 00:34:55:07
I want them to take their cues from somebody special.
00:34:55:16 - 00:34:58:25
And so, we always took an hour at dinner to
00:34:58:25 - 00:35:02:22
eat hour and a half, and we always read the Word of God together.
00:35:02:24 - 00:35:06:15
When they're little, just two minutes, 'cause that's their attention span, right?
00:35:06:18 - 00:35:09:18
But by the time they were teens, and I'd always
00:35:09:18 - 00:35:12:21
bring an issue to the table, I mean, back,
00:35:12:21 - 00:35:16:12
for example, when the George Floyd thing happened, I would
00:35:16:13 - 00:35:19:14
say, hey, kids, you guys, were you guys talking to
00:35:19:15 - 00:35:22:15
school about the situation in Minneapolis, George Floyd?
00:35:22:18 - 00:35:23:27
And we would talk about that.
00:35:24:00 - 00:35:27:03
And the question would be, Believing what
00:35:27:03 - 00:35:30:04
we say we believe as followers of the Christ, how shall we
00:35:30:05 - 00:35:31:07
then live, children?
00:35:31:22 - 00:35:32:18
How should we then live?
00:35:32:21 - 00:35:34:13
Does this mean anything to us?
00:35:34:15 - 00:35:37:15
Does it have any bearing on how we think about
00:35:37:15 - 00:35:40:15
the people of the planet with whom all 8.5 billion
00:35:40:15 - 00:35:42:00
of us are fellow citizens, right?
00:35:42:18 - 00:35:43:00
Okay.
00:35:45:00 - 00:35:50:19
Sometimes we learn the best lessons from the worst examples.
00:35:52:22 - 00:35:56:06
This is all in your notes, 1 Samuel, chapter 2.
00:35:56:12 - 00:36:00:12
There is the story of Israel's really first significant high priest.
00:36:00:14 - 00:36:02:00
His name was Eli.
00:36:02:03 - 00:36:03:19
And if you know the name Eli.
00:36:05:00 - 00:36:08:04
He had two sons, Apni and Phineas, and he
00:36:08:04 - 00:36:11:05
had a little boy named Samuel, who had become
00:36:11:06 - 00:36:13:21
the legendary prophet, Samuel, okay?
00:36:14:22 - 00:36:17:25
So, here's the end of the story, because we don't have time.
00:36:17:28 - 00:36:18:17
Remember Thursday?
00:36:22:00 - 00:36:25:25
Eli was leading the whole nation spiritually.
00:36:26:06 - 00:36:29:11
While his sons were in the church of
00:36:29:12 - 00:36:32:12
the day, the tabernacle, the temple, having sex with
00:36:32:12 - 00:36:33:18
women they weren't married to.
00:36:35:00 - 00:36:37:29
And Eli did not restrain his sons from their sin.
00:36:38:03 - 00:36:41:22
Because I don't even think he knew his sons.
00:36:41:28 - 00:36:44:28
And so the Bible said they both
00:36:44:28 - 00:36:45:28
died of premature death.
00:36:46:02 - 00:36:49:23
They were evil young men, Eli did not restrain them.
00:36:49:25 - 00:36:53:05
So you can be, quote unquote, in the work of the Lord, and
00:36:53:06 - 00:36:54:22
have these horrible blind spots.
00:36:54:25 - 00:36:56:26
Now, remember I said this little boy, Samuel?
00:36:56:26 - 00:37:01:03
He wasn't related to Eli.
00:37:01:06 - 00:37:04:07
He was given by the mother and father to be
00:37:04:07 - 00:37:06:14
raised by the great high priest.
00:37:07:07 - 00:37:10:21
Samuel grew up, and having seen the example of the
00:37:11:10 - 00:37:12:28
2 sons of Eli,
00:37:13:00 - 00:37:14:27
He had 2 sons as well.
00:37:15:00 - 00:37:18:01
And Samuel became a prophet, far more significant
00:37:18:01 - 00:37:21:04
in Israel's spiritual formation than Eli
00:37:21:05 - 00:37:25:07
ever was, but Samuel also lost his sons.
00:37:25:16 - 00:37:28:17
So my point is, just going to church
00:37:28:18 - 00:37:29:29
is not the answer.
00:37:30:10 - 00:37:34:05
It's got to be something from the essence of who you are as a family.
00:37:34:09 - 00:37:37:09
And with all respect to single parents
00:37:37:09 - 00:37:38:15
and single moms.
00:37:38:17 - 00:37:42:01
I was raised by a single mom with five kids.
00:37:43:22 - 00:37:47:11
I want to say fathers, if you're with your
00:37:47:12 - 00:37:51:12
wife, living together as man and wife, you must
00:37:51:12 - 00:37:52:29
take the spiritual initiative.
00:37:54:00 - 00:37:57:18
It's time to step up and take the initiative.
00:37:57:19 - 00:37:59:11
You don't need to be a spiritual superstar.
00:38:00:22 - 00:38:03:26
But God is calling you to be the servant leader of your own.
00:38:03:28 - 00:38:07:05
Notice, not dictator, not macho man,
00:38:07:06 - 00:38:09:00
not Schwarz and Naga.
00:38:09:15 - 00:38:12:16
He is calling you to be the spiritual servant leader of
00:38:12:16 - 00:38:15:28
your home, and how you treat their mother, and how
00:38:15:28 - 00:38:18:29
you care for them, in your tone of voice, in
00:38:20:06 - 00:38:24:01
whether the Bible has any relevance whatsoever.
00:38:24:05 - 00:38:24:07
Okay.
00:38:26:00 - 00:38:29:21
Let's not let the Eli Samuel thing happen to us.
00:38:30:01 - 00:38:32:22
Let me get ready to land this thing.
00:38:32:24 - 00:38:36:19
You'd be so proud of me if you knew all that I'm not saying.
00:38:39:07 - 00:38:40:23
I love this principle, by the way.
00:38:40:25 - 00:38:44:21
What parents excuse in moderation,
00:38:45:22 - 00:38:47:11
their children will live in excess.
00:38:48:12 - 00:38:50:15
will live in excess.
00:38:50:17 - 00:38:52:02
Just remember that principle.
00:38:53:15 - 00:38:56:28
Okay, let's go to number, let's
00:38:56:28 - 00:38:58:07
go to number.
00:38:59:12 - 00:39:01:07
Yeah, let's look at number 4 for a minute.
00:39:02:00 - 00:39:05:12
Be courageous in building character in your sons and daughters.
00:39:06:22 - 00:39:10:09
If we do not correct sinful behavior in our children,
00:39:10:09 - 00:39:12:21
the Bible's crystal clear about what that means.
00:39:12:23 - 00:39:15:23
The Bible says, number one, it proves that we do
00:39:15:23 - 00:39:18:24
not love there are children, because the
00:39:18:25 - 00:39:23:01
Lord disciplines those he loves, parents discipline, those they love.
00:39:23:03 - 00:39:26:08
In other words, there is a place for a tough love that
00:39:26:08 - 00:39:29:15
says, my son, my daughter, this thing that you're
00:39:29:15 - 00:39:31:23
doing is not only destroying your life.
00:39:32:01 - 00:39:34:13
You are destroying our family.
00:39:34:15 - 00:39:37:16
And I love you, and I love our
00:39:37:16 - 00:39:40:23
family too much to stand idly by and wring my hands.
00:39:40:25 - 00:39:44:07
Today is a new day, this far and no more.
00:39:44:10 - 00:39:47:19
We are going to, together, do what
00:39:47:19 - 00:39:50:26
is necessary to do what is good and right and healthy.
00:39:50:28 - 00:39:54:05
And if I have a decade or 2 of relationship
00:39:54:05 - 00:39:57:08
where I've taken them fishing and golfing into movies
00:39:57:09 - 00:40:00:09
into dirt bike riding or whatever it
00:40:00:09 - 00:40:03:23
is, and they say, man, this is just my dad, my dad's my buddy, they're gonna
00:40:03:23 - 00:40:07:09
say, Father, I'm listening to you.
00:40:07:13 - 00:40:09:21
I will stop doing this thing.
00:40:09:23 - 00:40:10:11
It's wrong.
00:40:10:13 - 00:40:13:22
I'm convicted in my heart because there is no restoration
00:40:13:22 - 00:40:15:25
without repentance, right?
00:40:15:27 - 00:40:16:07
Okay.
00:40:17:15 - 00:40:20:06
So, be courageous.
00:40:20:08 - 00:40:23:08
Secondly, not only is to prove we don't love our children, but it shows
00:40:23:08 - 00:40:25:21
that we're participating in their destruction.
00:40:25:24 - 00:40:29:04
Now, I want to draw a distinction here.
00:40:29:04 - 00:40:31:21
And Sam, get ready to come up, buddy.
00:40:31:24 - 00:40:36:14
I want to draw a distinction here between punishment
00:40:36:14 - 00:40:39:28
and discipline, because when we talk about the Lord disciplines
00:40:39:28 - 00:40:42:29
those he loves, and that good, healthy,
00:40:44:03 - 00:40:47:04
whole parents discipline their children, some of you are
00:40:47:04 - 00:40:51:06
misunderstanding, and
00:40:51:07 - 00:40:52:20
all your thinking is punishment.
00:40:52:22 - 00:40:54:01
This is not punishment.
00:40:54:03 - 00:40:55:09
This is not violence.
00:40:55:11 - 00:40:57:21
This is what punishment is.
00:40:57:25 - 00:41:01:07
Punishment, what we're not talking about is
00:41:01:15 - 00:41:04:15
focused on anger, the past, and inflicting penalty.
00:41:05:01 - 00:41:08:02
Biblical discipline, which is soul
00:41:08:03 - 00:41:10:06
formation, character formation.
00:41:10:07 - 00:41:13:17
Biblical discipline is about love,
00:41:13:18 - 00:41:16:01
the future, and promoting growth.
00:41:18:15 - 00:41:21:12
Discipline and punishment are not the same thing.
00:41:21:16 - 00:41:24:17
So, that being said,
00:41:24:18 - 00:41:28:15
let's wrap it up with number, yeah, let me go to number 10.
00:41:30:07 - 00:41:32:15
Give your children your unconditional blessing.
00:41:32:17 - 00:41:37:18
I want to bring you to the last... principle.
00:41:37:20 - 00:41:40:23
How many of you from Genesis 27, the
00:41:40:24 - 00:41:45:07
1st book of the Bible, recall the names Jacob and Esau?
00:41:45:09 - 00:41:48:10
They're the Abraham, so Isaac was the son of
00:41:48:10 - 00:41:50:22
Abraham, Jacob, and Esau were the son of Isaac.
00:41:52:07 - 00:41:55:12
He was becoming old, and in ancient Hebrew
00:41:55:13 - 00:41:57:03
culture, the Father would give a blessing.
00:41:58:22 - 00:41:59:20
These boys were twins.
00:42:03:07 - 00:42:06:12
Jacob was a little bit of a mama's boy, hung
00:42:06:12 - 00:42:11:09
around the tents, just, he
00:42:11:10 - 00:42:14:20
was probably poetic and musical and just
00:42:14:21 - 00:42:17:12
reflective and contemplative, and that's beautiful.
00:42:19:07 - 00:42:21:21
Unless you have a brother like Esau who's very hairy.
00:42:21:25 - 00:42:25:00
And Monle, with extremely
00:42:25:00 - 00:42:26:20
high testosterone levels.
00:42:26:22 - 00:42:29:29
You know, think Gaston and beauty in the beast.
00:42:31:22 - 00:42:34:29
And so, it came time for the blessing, and the one thing that
00:42:35:15 - 00:42:39:15
Jacob was in spades, way better than Esai's,
00:42:39:16 - 00:42:41:10
way smarter, way more clever.
00:42:41:12 - 00:42:42:07
He's actually a manipulator.
00:42:42:09 - 00:42:45:10
He pretended to be Esau, his father's
00:42:45:10 - 00:42:46:12
site was gone at that time.
00:42:46:15 - 00:42:50:17
He went into the tent, said, Father, I'm here to receive my blessing as Esau.
00:42:50:21 - 00:42:53:19
And Jacob goes, is it really Esau?
00:42:53:21 - 00:42:54:09
He's feeling him.
00:42:54:12 - 00:42:58:01
And he says, okay, there's all that hair, hairy forearms, hairy chest.
00:42:58:04 - 00:42:59:24
You know, he's like a little gorilla.
00:42:59:28 - 00:43:01:20
He goes, Okay, it is, he saw.
00:43:01:24 - 00:43:02:13
He gave him the blessing.
00:43:02:21 - 00:43:06:19
He walks out, Jacob walks out, having stolen the blessing.
00:43:06:21 - 00:43:10:10
What did Esau say when he came in to
00:43:10:11 - 00:43:12:01
get the blessing from his father?
00:43:12:03 - 00:43:13:21
Jacob started...
00:43:13:24 - 00:43:17:08
I mean, Isaac started trembling violently because he
00:43:17:08 - 00:43:20:04
realized he'd been tricked, and he said, son, there is no more blessing.
00:43:20:06 - 00:43:22:21
I've already given it to Jacob.
00:43:22:24 - 00:43:25:29
And Esau had hate in his heart toward
00:43:25:29 - 00:43:27:07
Jacob because of that manipulation.
00:43:29:15 - 00:43:31:11
I want to leave you with the thought.
00:43:33:15 - 00:43:37:22
Especially, you fathers with your sons, but fathers
00:43:37:22 - 00:43:40:22
and mothers with children, but especially fathers with their sons.
00:43:40:24 - 00:43:44:01
Your children are looking to you, saying,
00:43:44:01 - 00:43:46:20
yes, you give me stuff.
00:43:46:22 - 00:43:49:04
Yes, you give me tuition to go to this school.
00:43:49:06 - 00:43:50:21
Yes, you sent me to this camp.
00:43:50:22 - 00:43:53:22
Yes, you gave me this new device or this
00:43:53:22 - 00:43:56:27
new MacBook with all this ram, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:43:57:00 - 00:43:59:06
But do you not just love me?
00:43:59:08 - 00:44:00:01
Do you like me?
00:44:00:03 - 00:44:02:06
Do you approve of me?
00:44:02:08 - 00:44:04:29
Are you glad I am yours?
00:44:05:01 - 00:44:07:07
Or do you say, reject?
00:44:07:09 - 00:44:08:13
How did I get this one?
00:44:08:15 - 00:44:09:19
This can't be mine.
00:44:09:21 - 00:44:10:16
Go back to where you came from.
00:44:10:18 - 00:44:13:03
You know, I want the kid that's the ex...
00:44:13:07 - 00:44:17:09
So, they're looking for our blessing,
00:44:17:10 - 00:44:18:14
our unconditional approval.
00:44:18:16 - 00:44:21:19
That doesn't mean of all of their behaviors, but
00:44:21:19 - 00:44:22:21
of their essence.
00:44:23:28 - 00:44:26:11
Love your children's soul.
00:44:26:13 - 00:44:30:08
See what they can become, paint a compelling picture.
00:44:30:10 - 00:44:32:14
One of the reasons,
00:44:33:00 - 00:44:36:05
One of the reasons I shared the story of my family starting
00:44:36:05 - 00:44:39:10
out as a fairly broken, clueless
00:44:39:10 - 00:44:42:19
young man, I had a fiery dream based
00:44:42:19 - 00:44:45:20
on the promises of Holy Scripture based on
00:44:45:21 - 00:44:47:14
who God is.
00:44:48:03 - 00:44:51:10
And I said, I can be, and will be, a great father,
00:44:51:10 - 00:44:53:14
Carrie, and I are gonna be great parents.
00:44:53:17 - 00:44:58:09
Not exactly sure how to do that, but today, bam, it begins.
00:44:58:11 - 00:45:01:11
And I begin to speak to my children one
00:45:01:11 - 00:45:04:27
day and say, hey, guys, look at your dad here.
00:45:04:27 - 00:45:07:07
And I'd say stupid things to him all the time.
00:45:07:09 - 00:45:10:09
One of my favorite is, I'd just pick out one of our
00:45:10:09 - 00:45:11:16
kids at dinner table and say,
00:45:11:21 - 00:45:15:01
Hey, look, did you live today in such a way that it's
00:45:15:01 - 00:45:16:10
worth the price that you paid for it?
00:45:16:13 - 00:45:16:22
What?
00:45:19:22 - 00:45:20:15
A day of your life.
00:45:20:19 - 00:45:22:22
This day is gone, son.
00:45:22:25 - 00:45:25:14
What did you do today that brought you joy?
00:45:25:18 - 00:45:29:18
What did you do today that made you a better young man?
00:45:29:22 - 00:45:32:18
What did you do today where you helped another human?
00:45:32:21 - 00:45:33:22
What did you do?
00:45:34:06 - 00:45:34:25
this kind of stuff.
00:45:34:27 - 00:45:38:16
And I was talking to them about being world changers.
00:45:38:19 - 00:45:40:00
Somebody's got to be the next president.
00:45:40:04 - 00:45:43:18
Somebody's got to be the next great mother or father.
00:45:43:20 - 00:45:47:08
Somebody's got to be the next great changer of
00:45:47:08 - 00:45:50:22
the human family for good in the name of God, begin to
00:45:50:22 - 00:45:53:11
speak those things in the lives of your children.
00:45:53:13 - 00:45:56:22
The greats are beginning to die right in front of our eyes.
00:45:57:00 - 00:46:00:00
It's time for this generation of millennials,
00:46:01:00 - 00:46:02:02
Gen Z, and alpha.
00:46:02:04 - 00:46:04:14
It is your turn.
00:46:04:27 - 00:46:06:17
I'm by far the oldest guy on my staff.
00:46:06:28 - 00:46:10:16
I'm surrounded by nothing but millennials,
00:46:10:16 - 00:46:14:00
Gen Z and Alpha, and I am constantly amazed.
00:46:14:03 - 00:46:17:10
But most of them have never had a father, and
00:46:17:10 - 00:46:18:16
they've never had a grandfather.
00:46:18:23 - 00:46:22:05
And so, my team
00:46:22:06 - 00:46:25:11
stays with me, a long time I've had a lot of people with
00:46:25:11 - 00:46:28:21
me over 20, 25 years, because I've
00:46:28:22 - 00:46:30:10
invested my life in them.
00:46:30:12 - 00:46:33:15
It's infrequent that I'm here like something at Project Church,
00:46:33:16 - 00:46:35:17
'cause I try to pastor the people.
00:46:35:19 - 00:46:37:05
God's actually called me the pastor.
00:46:37:07 - 00:46:38:13
Sam, would you get up here, buddy?
00:46:39:14 - 00:46:41:22
Come on, I think that was a great work.
00:46:41:24 - 00:46:43:19
Can we put our hands together from Pastor John?
00:46:43:24 - 00:46:45:03
A lot of wisdom.
00:46:47:15 - 00:46:48:14
I'm gonna...
00:46:48:14 - 00:46:51:19
Let me just say, this is a very, the way I've
00:46:51:19 - 00:46:54:29
shared with you today is irregular for
00:46:55:16 - 00:46:56:29
how I normally communicate.
00:46:57:01 - 00:47:00:02
I felt in my heart when Caleb asked me to come, and
00:47:00:03 - 00:47:03:03
I knew you guys were doing what's your
00:47:03:03 - 00:47:06:12
family, or parenting class, or ministry you're beginning.
00:47:06:15 - 00:47:06:27
What's that called?
00:47:06:28 - 00:47:08:20
Strengthening families.
00:47:08:22 - 00:47:09:15
Okay, strength.
00:47:09:19 - 00:47:11:13
Caleb says, John, that's it.
00:47:11:15 - 00:47:11:29
Let's do that.
00:47:12:01 - 00:47:12:17
It'd be perfect.
00:47:12:21 - 00:47:15:22
And he said, just talk to the people from
00:47:15:23 - 00:47:19:02
your heart, from your experience, and full biblical
00:47:19:02 - 00:47:20:26
truth, because that's the only thing we got.
00:47:20:28 - 00:47:22:02
We don't have a bag of tricks.
00:47:22:04 - 00:47:24:28
Dr. Phil and Oprah did not tell me how to raise my kids.
00:47:25:00 - 00:47:27:04
The Lord Jesus Christ did.
00:47:27:09 - 00:47:30:23
And he was incredibly patient and gracious with us.
00:47:30:25 - 00:47:34:07
So pardon me for being a little unorthodox,
00:47:34:07 - 00:47:37:08
and just being raw and real, and can't even
00:47:37:09 - 00:47:38:22
get our slides right, and that's on me.
00:47:38:26 - 00:47:40:25
And so, hello.
00:47:42:15 - 00:47:43:27
A lot of wisdom, thank you so much.
00:47:44:01 - 00:47:45:08
Hey, listen.
00:47:46:22 - 00:47:49:07
I think today, the best decision that you can make.
00:47:49:11 - 00:47:52:16
You can leave here and get back, I got a lot of wisdom I was inspired.
00:47:52:18 - 00:47:55:19
But the best thing that you can ever do to become the parent
00:47:55:20 - 00:47:56:22
that God's called you to be.
00:47:57:00 - 00:47:58:06
It starts with believing in Jesus.
00:47:58:07 - 00:48:01:12
And so, in here, there's people represented that you're like, man, I
00:48:01:13 - 00:48:02:13
want to be the best dad I can be.
00:48:02:15 - 00:48:04:21
I want to be the best mom, I can be the best spouse I could be.
00:48:05:07 - 00:48:08:20
And you can try all the right things, and land up on the same places, but it stops.
00:48:08:21 - 00:48:11:21
And something new starts, and you say, I'm gonna confess that Jesus is
00:48:11:21 - 00:48:12:27
Lord, and follow with my life.
00:48:12:28 - 00:48:14:13
So with every eye closed around the room,
00:48:14:15 - 00:48:17:13
Maybe you've come in here today, and I'm gonna have Pastor John pray over you.
00:48:17:15 - 00:48:21:01
Maybe you've come in here today and you've never surrendered your life to Jesus.
00:48:21:03 - 00:48:23:25
You believe, but today you said, I want to follow in with my life.
00:48:23:28 - 00:48:24:28
That's you.
00:48:25:00 - 00:48:27:04
He said, I want to become all that Gods call me to be.
00:48:27:07 - 00:48:29:10
It starts with believing and confessing that he's Lord.
00:48:29:12 - 00:48:32:12
That's you, just lift up your hands real quick, so we know who we're praying for across the room.
00:48:32:15 - 00:48:34:18
Come on, you lift them up so we know who we're praying for.
00:48:34:22 - 00:48:36:01
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:48:36:03 - 00:48:36:21
I see those hands.
00:48:36:23 - 00:48:37:03
Thank you.
00:48:37:06 - 00:48:38:26
Come on, anybody else in the room?
00:48:39:00 - 00:48:40:06
Starts over today.
00:48:40:07 - 00:48:42:08
You could be the person that God's called you to be.
00:48:42:10 - 00:48:42:14
Incredible.
00:48:43:13 - 00:48:44:13
Pastor John, would you pray for us?
00:48:46:07 - 00:48:49:12
To what Sam said about beginning or beginning, again,
00:48:49:13 - 00:48:51:23
your relationship with God, that's part one, part two.
00:48:51:25 - 00:48:54:26
If you are convicted, if
00:48:54:27 - 00:48:58:00
you are drawn in your heart around the principles and
00:48:58:00 - 00:49:01:03
words I'm sharing relative to your life, your
00:49:01:04 - 00:49:05:11
sons, your daughters, your grandchildren, your reality,
00:49:05:12 - 00:49:08:13
and you say, I want to be the kind of parent, I know I
00:49:08:13 - 00:49:12:08
should have and could have been a long time ago, and it begins anew today.
00:49:12:12 - 00:49:13:03
Raise your hand.
00:49:13:06 - 00:49:15:16
I want to include you, because I believe in you.
00:49:15:18 - 00:49:17:01
I am for you.
00:49:17:03 - 00:49:20:04
I know you can do it, not you in and of
00:49:20:04 - 00:49:23:07
yourself all alone, but with God, all things are
00:49:23:08 - 00:49:24:15
possible, Father.
00:49:24:18 - 00:49:27:28
For those beginning, their new relationship, or new
00:49:27:28 - 00:49:29:05
again relationship,
00:49:29:08 - 00:49:30:05
They're re upping.
00:49:30:07 - 00:49:33:07
I pray God that you wrap these beautiful
00:49:33:07 - 00:49:36:25
ones in your tender arms
00:49:36:25 - 00:49:39:29
of everlasting mercy and love, and let them know that
00:49:40:07 - 00:49:43:21
when anybody's in Christ, they instantly become a new creation,
00:49:43:22 - 00:49:44:26
the old is gone, the newest come.
00:49:45:00 - 00:49:48:22
And now they begin to live toward their new identity in God.
00:49:49:02 - 00:49:50:17
Thank you for grace.
00:49:50:17 - 00:49:53:22
For those that are parents here, I pray
00:49:53:22 - 00:49:56:22
that they don't beat themselves up with guilt and
00:49:56:22 - 00:49:59:22
recrimination, and a
00:49:59:22 - 00:50:03:20
profound sense that I'm a, I have failed, and therefore, I'm a failure.
00:50:03:23 - 00:50:06:23
And they say, God, could you extend me,
00:50:06:23 - 00:50:09:01
grace, to begin again as a parent?
00:50:09:01 - 00:50:11:09
As a grandfather, as a foster parent?
00:50:11:13 - 00:50:14:13
Maybe you're in a blended family,
00:50:14:13 - 00:50:17:16
one of the most challenging context to
00:50:17:17 - 00:50:18:29
be really successful in?
00:50:20:00 - 00:50:22:07
God is greater than your circumstance.
00:50:23:15 - 00:50:24:21
But you've got to be intentional.
00:50:24:25 - 00:50:28:07
May God be, you give these beautiful ones your wisdom,
00:50:28:07 - 00:50:31:28
your simple next steps, so they
00:50:31:29 - 00:50:35:07
can begin to create the kind of spiritual
00:50:35:19 - 00:50:39:21
legacy in the spiritual house you've called them to build.
00:50:39:23 - 00:50:42:26
Because this life is short, brief and fragile.
00:50:43:04 - 00:50:46:18
Only one life, it will soon be passed,
00:50:46:18 - 00:50:48:15
only what's done for Christ will last.
00:50:48:16 - 00:50:51:19
Your blessing upon this house, project church,
00:50:51:19 - 00:50:54:24
and upon these beautiful people, young and old
00:50:54:25 - 00:50:58:09
men and women, single and married and
00:50:58:09 - 00:51:01:09
divorced, hoping and hurting the
00:51:01:09 - 00:51:02:27
children, everybody here.
00:51:03:05 - 00:51:06:21
I speak the blessing of Jesus
00:51:06:21 - 00:51:10:27
upon this house, and everyone said, Amen, amen.
00:51:10:29 - 00:51:12:24
Come on, put our hands together one more time.
00:51:12:27 - 00:51:13:06
Love you guys.
00:51:13:07 - 00:51:13:26
Thank you.
00:51:13:29 - 00:51:17:27
We can stand up to our feet, and I want to encourage you to stay for a moment.
00:51:18:00 - 00:51:20:22
We got a response song and said, we want to let you guys in on before you take off.
00:51:20:26 - 00:51:23:15
So we got one more song, but come on, this is your moment.
00:51:23:17 - 00:51:25:02
If God was speaking to you and encouraging you,
00:51:25:06 - 00:51:25:29
This is your moment.
00:51:26:03 - 00:51:27:03
Talk to Gong.
00:51:27:07 - 00:51:28:09
Ask where you need grace.
00:51:28:11 - 00:51:29:13
Ask him where you need strength.
00:51:29:15 - 00:51:30:15
We'll send him out in worship.
00:51:30:18 - 00:51:31:07
Come on, listen.