F*ck Fear with Christine Spratley: Living Like a Head Bitch In Charge | F*ck Fine: The Hidden Struggle with Self-Advocacy and Health

In this episode, Christine Spratley discusses the common habit of dismissing one's own health issues with the phrase 'I'm fine.' 

She delves into the challenges of self-advocacy, particularly among women, and shares her personal experiences with hormone replacement therapy and dealing with severe back pain. 

Christine emphasizes the importance of actively listening to one's body, seeking second opinions, and ensuring effective communication with healthcare providers. She also highlights alarming statistics on women's health neglect and encourages viewers to prioritize their well-being and demand better healthcare support.

00:00 Introduction and Recap

01:10 The "I'm Fine" Syndrome

02:37 Personal Health Journey

05:29 Back Pain Struggles

08:25 Advocating for Your Health

16:00 Women's Intuition and Health

21:17 The Little Stuff: Ignoring Health Symptoms

21:22 Women and Delayed Medical Care

22:56 The Importance of Self-Advocacy in Healthcare

24:12 Negative Healthcare Experiences

25:02 The Need for Active Participation

28:32 Gender Bias in Medical Referrals

30:31 Encouragement to Advocate for Yourself

31:05 The Power of Second Opinions

32:27 Personal Stories of Advocacy

35:44 Treat Yourself Like a Temple

43:15 Final Thoughts: Be Better Than Fine

Links to studies referenced in this episode:
https://www.the-sun.com/news/12739962/women-insist-they-have-sixth-sense-survey/
https://www2.deloitte.com/us/en/insights/industry/health-care/why-women-skip-or-delay-health-care.html
https://www.forbes.com/sites/debgordon/2023/02/24/almost-50-of-young-women-report-negative-healthcare-experiences-new-study-shows/
https://www.webmd.com/women/features/women-doctors-symptoms-dismissed?
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8475134/
https://www.weforum.org/stories/2024/10/women-health-gap-healthcare-gender/

Creators and Guests

Host

Christine (HBIC) Spratley

Dynamic Public Speaker | Change Catalyst | Career Navigation Coach

What is F*ck Fear with Christine Spratley: Living Like a Head Bitch In Charge ?

This podcast is for anyone who wants to live like an HBIC—or lives with, works with, marries, dates, or is raising one. Let’s be real: being a Head Bitch in Charge is messy, bold, and unapologetically badass. This is not a guidebook—it’s a pantry.

My guests and I will share the ingredients that we use—what’s worked and what’s failed—as we say “fuck fear” and take action to live a fulfilled life. We cover real-life hacks and deep philosophical pillars to navigate the chaos of everyday life—where some days, my only accomplishment is having a bra on and my teeth brushed.

We’re tackling the daily shit women navigate, from workplace politics to relationships, raising kids, and building careers, all with humor, audacity, and zero filters.

So, tune in—tell your friends, and even your enemies. This isn’t about aging with grace—it’s about aging with mischief, audacity, and a damn good story to tell.

20 Fuck Fear
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[00:00:00]

Christine Spratley: Hello ladies and gentlemen, this is Fuck Fear with Christine Spratley tubs everyone, we have been talking about the health aspect, that women go through. And today I'm gonna follow up. I think last time we talked about sex. So today we're gonna drop it down a notch.

Um, but I also think this is a really important topic and. [00:01:00] One, I think it's really important because I'm going through it right now, but it's shown me how hard it is for me to advocate for myself. And so today's topic is, I'm fine, I'm fine. one of the things that I do when I coach someone is, I have them keep a chart, not a chart, just little, you know, yellow sticky pad. And I just have 'em write down how many times they say they're fine. And then I just put morning and afternoon and evening. And then they just, those three, those three on the chart.

And then they just put a little, you know, one, just keep tabs and it's amazing what comes back. I. How many times they're fine. And what's interesting is it comes in all sorts of situations. Meaning someone will say, Hey, how you doing? I'm fine. Or you know, a girlfriend will call you and you'll be a little bit off and she'll be like, how are you doing?

'cause she's knows you're not fine. [00:02:00] And you'll say, oh I'm okay. I'm fine, I'm good. Got this good husbands, you guys do this to your wives all the time and go, oh yeah, we're fine. And you know, she ain't fine. It was funny. I was Joe. I asked you and I told you what the topic was and you're like, yeah, I'll say it.

What'd you say? Say it one more time.

Joe: Yeah, say it one more time and I'll believe you.

Christine Spratley: Yeah. But we, we kind of laugh about that, but how often does it become kind of our mantra and what that leads to? And what has led for me is to say, I'm fine. And what that does is it puts a layer on top of everything. And today I'm gonna talk a little bit about the health aspects of being fine when you're not.

And a couple things happened to me, um, recently. And one of them was as, as I've spoken about here, I've gone on i, hormone replacement therapy, ht, HRT, whatever you wanna call it. And I went into my doctor [00:03:00] for a. Scheduled update, or I don't even know if that's what you call it, a scheduled update. It was just a, you know, hey, they put a pellet in.

I've been taking hormones, you know, what's going on, how you feeling? I'm fine. I was good that day. So I didn't use fine, but I, I was good that day. And she started asking me, and I said, and I couldn't give her more description. And one of the things she said to me is, you've got to start listening to your body and figuring out.

Not just when it's going, when it's bad, but I want all, I want all the details. And I've never had a doctor kind of want all the details unless it was me having in, you know, in the ER or something like that. Then they want all the details. Um, but it kind of goes to that thing of how do I prevent the ER visit?

How do I prevent that? Why am I not listening to my body paying attention to it? And I think I spoke. [00:04:00] At either the last segment or the previous episode to that about yes, we do our body scans and we do yoga, and we get our facials and we, you know, do, and maybe some of you are very, very in tune because I was very in tune, especially when I was a boxer.

I was so in tune with my body, but. As life went on, I started to kind of go, oh, well, I'm getting old and I, this is, this is what that ache means. I'm not a, I'm not even a doctor. I don't know what that ache means, but I have Google and I have chat, so I'll look it up now and get just enough knowledge to be dangerous.

But what's interesting is I still dismiss it first. And so that was one thing that happened where she was like, no, you need to, you need to tell me so I can tell you what's going on, whether it's working or not, what you need to pay attention. And it's been a lot harder than I thought it was. I. Because like we all do, there's a hundred million things.

You've got the kids, you've got the bus, you've got the team, [00:05:00] you've got this meeting, you've got this plane to catch this car, to drive this gas, to get groceries, to unload. I've still got groceries in the car from this morning, so I get that. But how are you doing? How is your body doing? And what do you know?

And, and it's like I used to say to my team, do you think or do you know? Do I think it's doing okay. Have I even checked in on it or do I know that it's okay? Do I know that it's fine. So that was one. The other has been, I've never had any sort of back issues in my whole entire life at all. I'm, I'm a, I've been very healthy for the most part.

I've had some weird illnesses type of stuff, but I've never had back issues. So I've never had back pain. And starting last year, I started, I started doing the evolution. Walk when you get up, you know how you get up and outta bed and you can't sit straight up. So, you know, that started about a year and a half ago, and then last year it got really bad [00:06:00] and then January of this year, I started having immense pain and I've been going to my physio, um, and, and Nate and I were working on it, but it just, it was going worse and worse.

And I finally went in. At the end of January and I went to an ortho emergency place, , specifically for back. And I went in and met a wonderful PA and she said, oh, this is what it is. It's, you know, this is probably what it is. We're gonna do an x-ray. And I knew, I didn't know at the time, but I was explained to that X-rays don't tell you much, but it's the first step.

And, um, so again, I was busy. It's just nothing. And I do. Joe was asking me before the segment, he's like, you know what? Pain level and I have a really high pain tolerance, and they gave me some stuff. Um you know, I told 'em, I, I'm, I'm recovering, so I don't want anything that's addictive.

You need to tell me. [00:07:00] So if I can, you know, if I take it, then I can give it to somebody else to, to dole out my allotment. I'm just, I, I just don't, don't do that. So they gave me some stuff. I came back like a week later and I was like, no, no, no, no, it's bad. They're like, well, okay, try these. And so I tried that for two weeks, nothing.

And it just was, I mean, literally, I, there are, there are days now, but I walked in that day and I was, I was like hunched over and, um, and so they gave me shots. And again, it's, it's nothing no MRI. And I was like, and she said, well, why don't you, I'll schedule you with another doctor. I. One of our doctors, one of our orthopedic doctors or something.

And, and I said, okay. So I waited a week and I'm still in just tremendous pain. I've got salon paws all over my back and and so I, I go in and this is what was interesting. I [00:08:00] go in and this. I, I don't know if he was a nurse or, or whom, I don't know the specialty that he was, but he walks in and he says, okay, you're here for a shot.

I said, what? I had no idea that they had just scheduled me for a shot. I. And I said, no, no, no. I've had two. Like I've had one in each side same day. It didn't help. And I said, you need, we need to catch up. And one thing I had done, I had written up a whole documentation and this, I suggest women, um, men, anybody when you go in and, and chat can do this for you.

It helped me. Um, it wrote up my whole history of it. Just put it in, in medical terminology, ease. So it was, and it was very clear and I just was like, here, you need to take a look at this, because I wasn't sure. One thing I do know is I'm not sure the next doctor is gonna get the full story. It's kinda like telephone.[00:09:00]

You know, people tend to pass on what we think is important. Um, but I'm not a doctor, so I don't know what's important. And if somebody already has diagnosed you in their head, there's a higher likelihood that they're only gonna pass on what information they deemed important.

Um, so one of the things I said to him was, I'm not sure my diagnosis. So he, the, the young man was a little caught off guard to say the least. And, um, he said, okay, all right. You know, because I was, I probably was a little gruff. And to be really honest. I really didn't give a shit because I'm in pain. Okay.

All right. Back up. And I don't just, you know, it's not like I pop pills, you know, fuck you, I'm in pain. And so, and again, he's meeting me for the first time that, you know, he's just going, well, who the hell are you? You know what? And so I kind of tone it down a little bit, of course. [00:10:00] 'cause I, I realize sometimes that can be offput, so tone it down and I say, you know, I just need the doctor to, to spend some time with me.

And the doctor came in. And quickly informed me that my diagnosis was, um, just arthritis and, you know, in the back. And, and, you know, and I said, and I was really like, well, listen, I've had this go on and I'd go to a physio regularly and none of this stuff has worked. Um, can I get an MRI? And then we had this weird discussion about affording an MRI.

I have health insurance and I was like, I don't care. Like I don't care. I was like, I, because I knew, I'd been told I have some, um, friends and I did some research that you can't see the discs in an, in an, in an X-ray. So I knew, you know, it was like, this is what the next step is to get an MR mri. And, um, so I, he begrudgingly did.[00:11:00]

And um, I walked out and I was there for like, maybe. 15 minutes. I clocked it at 11, but I got in the, I got in the room a little bit early, so it could have been 15. Um, and that's the whole time in and out. And I am, I'm walking out and I'm angry and I'm pissed and I'm in pain and I'm like, you know, all I want is someone to go this, you know, because I.

One thing I realize is that he may not be able to help me, right? Like, that's not his deal. He's not a surgeon. He's not, he doesn't do, he doesn't do spine. He doesn't, you know, so I, I'm like, well, what should I do? Like, who should I see? You know, what's the next step? And, um, so. I get my MRI, my MRI comes back and right now I have two bulging discs, a herniated disc and a tear, and it's leaning up against my spine and that's [00:12:00] pinch in the spine and that's what's causing all my pain.

Um, and I was, it was, it was really interesting 'cause I, I checked in to get my, my MRI and the girl that was checking me in, that was taking me back. She was so gracious and, and just warm and welcoming. And she says, she said, who, who's your doctor? And I, and I was not happy with this person, so I, I said some smart ass remark.

And she looked at me and then I just, I just said, and I told her, you know, I just like, ah, and she goes. Don't you worry, we're gonna take care of you. This is going to be fine. We're gonna, you know, like, and it was just amazing, just that little kindness of, of listening and um, and then this, this came back and so now I have a, an appointment next week.

They're gonna try and get me an [00:13:00] earlier, um, with another doctor, a different doctor. Um. A neurosurgeon and, um, we'll see what happens. So I'm going, I'm experiencing this and what I'm experiencing is, one, I'm now noticing that I'm not taking note of how I'm really doing. I'm not checking in with this body.

Oh, it's a temple. Women are beautiful. Woo, we are these wonderful things, but do we treat ourselves that way or are we just fine? And again, me being a head bitch in charge means that I need to. Um, I need to treat me that way. Like I need to treat me like a temple. I need to educate me on my body. It's not up to everybody else.

Yes, I'm not a doctor, but I need to be able to articulate and talk to a doctor and advocate for myself. So if I'm constantly telling myself I'm fine, what gets imprinted in my brain? What [00:14:00] happens. And, and typically I'll tell you, for me, it becomes not fine by the time it's way past go, by the time it's fucked up, you know?

, and even when you asked me, Joe, about what's my pain tolerance, what's my pain level? It's like, I, I wanna dial it down a notch.

Joe: Yeah. And I don't know why we do that. My wife does that too. I remember one time she had a really bad ear ache and we ended up going to the emergency room and we wait for like four hours.

They've given her like baby Tylenol, you know, until they, to wait again, until we finally get to see somebody and we get back there and the doctor's like, what's your pain level? And she's just been crying. And my wife's got a super high pain tolerance too. She's like two. And I'm like, what are you doing to yourself?

Yeah. Stop it. We're going back out there. There's, there's, and I think part

Christine Spratley: of that is. We, and, and, and again, I think women will understand this, and, and I think men will too. We're told, we're told from a [00:15:00] very early part of our life, oh, you're, you're crazy. You know, you're crazy. You know, you just, eh, come on.

Pipe, pipe it down. And so just deal with it and go. I mean, it was, I, I can't explain how many times I've been in conversation with women and we've been like, well, yeah, we just go do this. It's like I had Awo, I had a conversation with a woman today. I was getting groceries and it was hunched over on the cart and she was helping me find some stuff and we were talking about menopause and we were talking about all the symptoms and she's like, yeah, we just go on.

We just go on.

How crazy is that? We just go on. But yet we want other people to treat us better. We want our, our daughters to be treated right? We want our sons to grow up and treat their wives well, but we just go on and I just, I'm not gonna go on anymore. I'm gonna pay attention. [00:16:00] I'm gonna learn how to deal and to take care and to hear, I did some research about this and now women, we've always heard, we've got women's intuition or a six sense, and there was a study done, um, and it revealed that 77% of women believe they, they have a six sense. I think we all do, but you know, um, they have an intuition about their health and significant life [00:17:00] decisions.

Um, and the study showed. This is why I want you to trust yourself, that almost, almost 70% of the time they were right. They were accurate. And it wasn't that they could pinpoint everything exactly, but they knew something was up and something went right. And again, ladies. I never thought I had women's intuition and um, that's 'cause I wasn't listening to it.

Think about this. I never, I, I literally did. I thought, oh, I don't really, I don't really have intuition, but it was my, my level of listening to myself was so low at that point in my life. That I, I turned everything off and I just, you know, it wasn't like I numbed one thing, it was like it was across the board.

And then this is what's also the same study [00:18:00] women typically, um, ignore their initiative. Initial intuition about health warnings. And with about 60%, it's 59% failing to heed, heed early signs of potential problems and 60% not acting until symptoms disrupt their daily routine.

And I think what's, the numbers are just crazy. But what really got me was our daily routine. I don't think I tend to. Not think of it being a big deal until it's, I can't do my daily routine. And that's like going like, like it, it disrupts my daily routine. It's not like, oh, I'm uncomfortable. I mean, we, I've soldiered on through so much crap and I just love those, period pain simulators.

The guys wear, you know, [00:19:00] you see 'em on TikTok now and stuff like that, but it's like, we do that, that's all we have that all day long. And, and one of 'em that I was watching was the woman and the guys were sitting next to each other and the guys were like, under the table and the woman was like, yeah, and do you need a cup of coffee with that report?

You know? Um, and we, we laugh, but this is, this is the level we hold ourselves to. And women are 25% more women spend 25% more of their lives in debilitating health, and that's according to a report from the World Economic Forum and McKinsey Health Institute. 25% more of our lives in debil, debilitate debilitating health than men.

And that's because we ignore the signs. We don't listen, we don't [00:20:00] advocate, we don't have the information. And, and that's why I'm just, please listen. You can always, you can always stop listening. You can always go but take note of it and see again, how many times do you go through your day and go, I'm fine.

Everything's good. Oh, it's just a tweak. And that's what it was for me. It was just a tweak in my back. It was just, I thought I was just getting old. I must have slept wrong for the, I don't know, two week, you know, second week in a row. Oh, it was just stress. It's just stress. Okay, well that's my body telling me it's not dealing with it very well.

Maybe something needs to change, so. The other part that's interesting of this is when I do this, when I don't listen and don't pay attention, I am less likely, um, to delay [00:21:00] or skip my medical care.

My husband never liked to go to the doctor. I hated it. Hated it. Okay. Um, and he'd put stuff off. And put stuff off. Um, but what would happen with me is I would put the little stuff off. The little stuff. The little stuff. The little stuff. The little stuff. And then next thing you know, I have to go to the doctor.

Um, so it's, there's a, another study, and this was by my old firm, Deloitte. Women are 35% more likely than men to report having skipped or delayed medical care over a 12 month period leading to untreated conditions and compounded health issues. What I thought was really interesting about this was one doesn't surprise me that we're more likely to delay that to just skip it 'cause we're busy.

We'll do it tomorrow or we'll do it. We'll do it when the kids get back in school. We'll do it when [00:22:00] I get done with busy season. It's busy season right now for everybody at the Big Four Farms. We'll do it once, um, we get back from doing this work trip or you know, or I just didn't get round to it this week.

It just wasn't on my calendar to do. And part of that though was it's over a 12 month period, so it doesn't say, like, when I was looking at this, it means to me that means I've had the symptoms for a long time and then I've delayed it over the 12 months. So I'm not sure how long it was before I started listening to the symptoms.

I just, I'm just amazed at for me how I thought I was. So taking care of myself, and I really didn't have that much, um, active participation in listening to my body. So what does this mean? For me, [00:23:00] there are some things that I know for sure a fact I used to do because I didn't advocate for myself because I didn't listen to my body.

Um, I would find a. A very hard time having experiences with my physicians, doctors, gyno, anybody I had a hard time articulating, and if they sh I just, for a long time I said, if you give me, if you tell me what it is, I'm gonna go with that. Even if I was like, huh. And I've talked about being menopausal and I, no one ever really talked to me about it.

No one ever brought it up. No one said, Hey, this is, this is, you know, when we did bring it up, it was just, well, you're gonna go through that. Um, it wasn't like, Hey, this is what's happening with your body, and yeah, you shouldn't, you shouldn't have any pain. You know, I think in the last episode with Ria, we were talking about why is that normal?[00:24:00]

Why is that normal? Just because it happens. Okay. Well. It might be normal, but let's do something about it. Is it, you know, does is, is that the normal that I wanna live with? But this is, so it's reported that nearly half of all women, between ages of 18 and 35 have had, who encounter healthcare, um, prior, in the prior two years when they took the service.

So they looked back over the past two years, nearly half reported a negative experience with their healthcare provider. Which discouraged future medical consultation.

And if I go in there with not knowing, not being armed, and not being ready to say you're the expert and you know Yes. And, um, what are we gonna do about it? Yes. And I want a second opinion. Yes. And the next [00:25:00] question, if I don't go in there with any of that. Then my whole body life, quality of life is purely dependent upon them.

I'm not an active participant, and I used to say this with, I always loved active participant clients, even if they were the crazy ones. I. They were in your stuff and they would like, and you would be on your toes and and they would give you feedback. And you would give them feedback and Yeah, not, not the really super high maintenance.

They were the pain in the ass, but still they were active and you got information, which then you could course correct. And if I'm not an active participant in those rooms, then when I get a discouragement for future medical consultation about this and I just accept it, I go on. And I know this for a fact with me, once I start down that slope of it's no big deal, it doesn't hurt that [00:26:00] bad.

It's so much harder to get it, to make it bad because then I feel guilty and then I feel bad. Like, like it's really bad to go in in my head and go, well, I've been dealing with this. Well, you know, they always say, what is it? When did you first start to have symptoms? And you, oh, about six months ago. And they just kinda look at you and you're like, yeah, I know.

So again, if I'm not going to participate, if I'm not going to advocate and I can't advocate if I'm not paying attention and I'm not engaged, um, I just, I think it's really also very important for women to understand that. Symptoms related. Um, and they, they're not just hormones and, and and things like that.

It's everything. All sorts of symptoms are, can lead to misdiagnosis or [00:27:00] inadequate treatment. I mean,

how do I say this? Experts are experts, but they're not always right. this goes back to one of my first episodes where I said, I want everybody to start asking as many why's as possible. Why? What, who, how, when? A why Shouldn't scare anybody. A what? It shouldn't scare anybody if they know their stuff.

I've never walked into a room and got upset with a client who, who made me explain something, even if I've had to explain it 50 different ways. I, if I felt strong and it was right and my ego was in the right place, and my interest is to do what's in their best interest. I've only gotten upset when people come at me, when I feel defensive, when I don't know things like that.

But this is a [00:28:00] doctor, you know, they're not, they know a lot more than we do. But this is my body, so why shouldn't I understand what's going on with it? Explain this to me. And there was a, a small study done, and this was not on anything female oriented. This was just a regular study. Right. Um, and again, there's this biased,

a study found that, and it was, it was a WebMD study and with us, and um, I can give you all these links if you want 'em, um, to the different studies I'm referencing where they found that women with knee pain are 22 times less likely to be referred for a knee replacement than a man. Now there's lots of things when I was reading it, there's lots of things that can go into the reason why they do that, right?

Not just, oh, you're a woman, [00:29:00] whatever. Um, but what I thought was interesting about this is just the fact that it's just a referral. That if you look at this, it was just a referral for, for a knee replacement. It was saying, Hey, yeah, we think there might be enough there. It wasn't. These say, Hey, 'cause then they had, they were gonna be referred to a doctor who would then evaluate them to go in and whether or not they actually really needed to have one.

So I thought that was interesting that even at that referral, it's like, ah, well, you know. Huh? And so what I tell you women is we got to advocate for ourselves. Um, and that, I don't know, that's just blows my mind that it's not that they're not on my team, it's just they're not showing up.

You know, I'll put this in football. Somebody missed their block.

Joe: Yeah. I mean, you said in your story that the guy was practically getting ready to give you a shot and you're like, yes, but for [00:30:00] what? Nobody's told me what I have.

Christine Spratley: Yeah. Well, and this is what this is this is how defensive they got. They're like, well, it's in your notes.

And I'm like, but no one sat down and talked to me what that meant? I and Infinities in my notes, I still have questions because, and the risks are funny. This is why I had so many questions, is because if it's arthritis, then it should be been of treated by the four things that you've already given me.

Joe: Yeah.

Christine Spratley: And, and, but it was just like, it was like that, it was so amazing. I just really wanna encourage all of you ladies out there to quit being fine. Okay? Be amazing. Hold your standard higher than fine. Hold your standard higher than I wait till the kids get done with this, or I wait till he gets off of work and gets back from golfing, or I wait for whatever.

I'll wait until I get done with X, Y, Z report. To get my sleep, to get this, to [00:31:00] get that a weight. Okay. But what happens when we do do it? Like what happens when we do show up and advocate for ourselves more females than males? Seek second opinions among patients with general, we just general medical concerns, 52 to 61% of those sought second opinions were females.

I love that. I love that. We, we start, and that's what happens when we start to listen to our own intuition. When we start to get the knowledge, when we start, when I quit going, oh, I just don't feel good, and I look at my body and go, oh, no, no, my body is having a reaction to something and I take myself seriously, then I start thinking critical more often than not, and go, no, I want a second opinion.

No, I want some more information on this. Women are 10 times less likely than men to have their pain level assessed when they [00:32:00] arrive at the hospital. And you talked about your wife, um, and wait approximately 30 minutes longer than men to see a doctor. So again, when we, when we do advocate for ourselves, don't just think that, that everything's gonna go ro like, like, oh yeah, you're advocating for myself yourself.

This is good. No, you're gonna need to go in and you're gonna say, Hey listen, I've been here a long time. 'cause there's, I used to have asthma attacks and um, I remember driving to, um. The ER having an asthma attack and getting there. And I remember calling my friend and um, he was like, Hey, can, and I go, no, I'm already on my way.

And then when I got there, I remember I was so used to knowing and being familiar with it [00:33:00] that the lady was like, okay, you know, I, I mean, I knew 'cause I'd had him so often, but yet. They're very scary and they're very much, you need that nebulizer. And she just let you know, they just let me sit there and I just, I, I would walk up and I made myself, I put a timer on my d on my clock and I was like, okay, go up every, and I, I usually, when I do a timer, I have, it's literally on my phone, it's called Medical Timer, and it's like seven minutes because I don't do 10 and I don't do five.

So when you advocate for yourself, you've gotta do it all the way through. And I was talking to a friend of mine this past weekend and we were talking about her daughter, and, um, her daughter has a, has a disease, um, and a autoimmune disease that's, and I'm, I'm gonna get it wrong, so I'm not even gonna try.

Christine Spratley: Um, but it's this. Basically, she was one of those that almost died during Covid [00:34:00] because of it. I mean, she's, it's, it's not fun, it's not funny. She's, she has, um, infusions, um, every, every two weeks or so, and it's, it's, it's a, it's a lot. And we were talking about, I said, yeah, you should probably go to medical school.

And he said, because you not only retain. This information, but you know, in, in talking you're able to, you know, relate it and, and, and talk out of it. Most people, like when I knew the kids, you know, when they had issues or something, I knew what happened to them, but I couldn't take it and do anything with that information.

You know, like if someone said, oh, my kids got this, I'd be like, oh yeah, they, they had it too. But that's as far as I could go. She's a really in, in brilliant woman, and, but what was really interesting is. We started talking about how in tune she was with her daughter's health, but not her own. And I thought that was really interesting.

And [00:35:00] so thus we started talking about again, how we take care of you. We take care of someone else. We are given a, we're given a doll. What if that doll that they gave us was they said, Hey, this is you, this is you. And you're gonna take care of you the rest of your life. So be good to you. You know, how are you gonna treat you?

Not doll Susie, doll, Christine, you know, treat you like like that. And you've heard me talk about my friend Grace, my coach friend Grace, and she always says, you know, how, how would she treat. Friend Grace. And so I do that. How do, how would I treat friend Christine? And so I'm asking you ladies, , and gentlemen, how would you treat your daughter?

Why don't you advocate for yourself, like you advocate for others? What would, what would that look like? [00:36:00] Because I know. I know some of y'all are like big old mama bears. I've seen them in action. And if you're looking to support a woman in any way, shape, or form, one of the best ways that I've, that I've come across about saying, Hey, I wanna show up for you, is, is literally to say, please tell me how I can show up for you.

It does a couple things. Um, it says, it puts, it says, I wanna show up for you. Doesn't say how, doesn't say any of that. It just puts it out there. And so the other person who's receiving the woman that's receiving this gets to say back to you, gets to look back at you and go, this is how you can show up for me.

And I typically, um, this happened with a FA friend of mine whose husband recently went through surgery and, um. Very [00:37:00] there. She's older and um, kind of has that depression era mentality. And I just said to her, I said, I would like to show up for you, so I'm gonna ask you how can I show up for you? And nothing like I've got it covered is not an acceptable answer to me.

I don't care if it's get the mail, I don't care if it's call me on Tuesday, I want to show up for you. And so I. I take that and I sit sometimes and I go, Christine, how can I show up for you? How can I show up for myself? How can I advocate for me? And part of that means slowing down and taking the time to listen to my body.

And this will lead into another segment that I'm gonna do next. And it is talks about. [00:38:00] Slowing down and how hard it is because to me it's never the, it's never the engine that gets you, it's usually not the middle. It's always that damn caboose that comes back and smacks you in the head. And so when I slow down, when I don't, when I do it now instead of later, that means that I have to take a look and I look at everything.

There's a lot of fear wrapped up in that. You know what happens if, if something isn't right with your body? You may have to change something. You may have to change the way you eat. You may have to change what you're doing. You may have to change your schedule. You know, you may not be able to go do the things you like to do for a while, and so what, aren't you worth that?

So again, the next segment will be on, you know. Looking at slowing down and why we're so crazy busy. [00:39:00] But today I just, when you leave with this, I really just want you to sit there and think for a second and start off with that simple list. How many times do I say I'm fine, I'm good, I'm okay. And I used to joke all the time when Brady was in, in high school, he had like the, the three words and a ugh.

Bro, everything's bro. Um, was good. Fine. Okay. And when I start talking like a teenage boy to describe me over and over and over, I'm not checking in. Or I'm not being honest. And if I'm in a situation where I'm not being honest because I know the truth and I you can't handle the truth, then that's bigger.

But I need to start being honest, at least to myself. And I know everybody. This is the great thing. [00:40:00] Everybody doesn't give a shit how you feel. Like when they say, how you doing today? You know, they don't always wanna know. But what I've learned is when I tell 'em, they quit asking that stupid, annoying question and they just wave and hey, and then the ones that do wanna know, and I'm not saying I verbally tell them, you know, vomit on them and tell them everything, but I may say fair to partly cloudy, you know, just whatever it is.

I don't have to give them the rundown of my urinary tract infection. I can go, I'm a little off center today, you know, my back hurts like a mojo, you know, whatever it is. And, and just because that, that you're telling, you're honoring. And again, the ones I, I remember Selena. The one who, um, runs one of the women's groups that I'm in, she was talking about how she [00:41:00] showed up at school one day, and I think most moms can, can, can figure, can respond.

And, and Joe, you probably can too. I don't know if you can or not, but busy, busy, busy dropping the kids off, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Backpack in hand, da da dah. And she came in and she was just, she was a wreck. She was crying, sobbing, you know, just it was a. A banger of a morning, and, and she, she said every, all of all the, the moms just parted like the Red Sea.

And then she said what happened next is all the ones that are still there that, you know, just came around her and, and then we're like this little bubble that, that huddled up with her. And that's also what's really great about when you're checking in with yourself, you're advocating for yourself. When you're knowing your truth, you're willing to look at it and you're willing to own it.

The people that can't handle it tend to get the fuck away. And I [00:42:00] don't know about you, but I want somebody that when shit does hit the fan, that's not when they decide to get the hell away, it's not time for us to figure out. Who on your O line is gonna block? No, I wanna know that before I go into battle, before I hit the hard times.

And if I'm not honoring my truth, if I'm not saying it and you can't handle it on a day where, you know, my back pain is five. You know, this weekend I was a total, not a nice person. I was so. Bitchy and I was just irritated and I, I kept losing shit. Couldn't find my, can't find my remote. And I love my remote control.

And my friend was like, cam was just like, yeah, I knew you're in pain, you know, and I just, I had to call her today on the way over Joan, and I just said, Hey, thank you. Thanks for letting me [00:43:00] be this way. But I don't get to do that if I'm going, oh, I'm fine. Oh, I'm fine. Be better than fine. You have the opportunity and why shouldn't you?

Why would you want to spend one more day just being fine? Even if you're okay, be great. Treat yourself like the human that you are supposed to take care of. If you say you're a temple, treat yourself like a temple.

Understand what that temple is. Listen to that body and don't just whitewash it. Oh, it's me getting old. Oh, it's this. Okay, well, let's see. Let's see. Is it? And then let's do something about it. You can. Even if it's just 1% better, wouldn't that be 1% better? [00:44:00] I mean 1% better every day for 3, 365 days. So give yourself the gift 'cause no one else can give it to you like you can.

You can't get what you want. You can't get what you deserve if we don't ask for it. This is an incredible body we have, and I'm still learning. I'm 54 and I'm just now learning a lot about it. So if you're younger, do it. Do it now. Don't wait. This is what I mean by being a head bitch in charge and being accountable and self-responsibility.

So until next time, ladies, be better than fine. [00:45:00] Expect more, demand more of yourself, and then others. And give yourself that gift tubs.