Navigating Cycles of Change: Using Difficult Times to Become Your Best Self

We’ve all had times in our lives when nothing feels certain, whether you’re moving to a new city or becoming a new mother. These times are often some of the most difficult in our lives, but they also shape us into the people we want to be. In today’s episode of Honey Toast, Briana and Danielle discuss how they navigate cycles of change in their lives, and how the very cycles that cause us the most pain can often be the most rewarding.

Danielle and Briana begin by discussing the cycles of identity change they experience in their own lives, big and small. They tie these cycles to the pressures faced by women everywhere, and explain how changing roles are made more difficult by these pressures. Finally, Briana and Danielle explain how their Goddess Calls are a solution that helps them navigate change while releasing external pressures.

For detailed show notes, navigate using the time stamps below:

[0:00] Introduction

[0:46] Danielle feels like she is shifting her identity constantly, but she also experiences big shifts from time to time, like when she had her daughter. 

[3:24] When Briana thinks about who she is now compared to herself in her twenties, she sees a completely different person. We are built to change, but change also comes with a lot of difficulty. Part of understanding cycles is learning how to navigate these changes with grace. 

[6:56] Difficult periods of change are the periods of time that build and define us. They help us become the versions of ourselves that we are meant to be. 

[10:07] Briana’s father died while she was pregnant. She navigated her feelings by giving herself permission to feel whatever she had to in the moment and let go of the feelings restraining her. 

[15:27] Women constantly feel pressure to fill every role perfectly. It’s impossible to feel these pressures without having an emotional response.

[20:32] Everyone is going to struggle in life to some degree. It is up to you whether you will let your struggle define you or shape you into the person you want to be.

[27:38] When we shape ourselves into these roles, we hope to receive love. Sometimes this gets in the way of our authenticity.

[29:39] Briana is grateful for her upbringing with parents who encouraged her to be herself. As a result, she never felt less-than for her more unusual qualities. 

[34:21] Women naturally feel a need to take on everything. Sometimes in the day-to-day exhaustion of that burden, we don’t realize what we need until it’s too late.

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What is Honey Toast Podcast?

Light a candle and find your inner goddess with us.

Co-hosts Danielle Schleese and Briana Donaldson want to break the taboo of women’s health and wellbeing. From intimacy to parenting, women are constantly shamed for their inability to measure up to standards they never had a say in setting. On Honey Toast, these subjects find their home among incense, deep-dive conversations, and two best friends. From journal challenges to goddess calls, Briana and Danielle are always finding new ways to help you embrace your natural beauty — inside and out.

Danielle Schleese: 00:00

Creating this show. Like, this is exactly why we wanted to start something like this and start conversations about these topics is because we wanna open up a space, a safe space to kind of challenge and question why things are the way they are and mostly based off of our own experience because we're not experts in these specific fields. We just know what we know because of what we've gone through, and we wanna these are things we talk about all the time with each other anyway. Yep.

Briana Donaldson: 00:32

Welcome to today's episode of the Honey Toast Podcast. I'm Brie. And I'm Danielle. And we're your hosts for today's episode on identity cycles and changes. Yes.

Briana Donaldson: 00:43

Let's get into it. When was the last time that you felt like you were shifting your identity?

Danielle Schleese: 00:53

Literally today. Okay. I was gonna say I think I know

Briana Donaldson: 00:57

the answer and then you shocked me today.

Danielle Schleese: 00:59

What were you gonna say the answer was?

Briana Donaldson: 01:01

Having Lola. Yeah. Becoming a mom of two. A mom of two. Yep.

Briana Donaldson: 01:06

I But today today, I mean, you can go there. Let's start there.

Danielle Schleese: 01:08

Yeah. Today, I identified as a little bit more tired than I do most days.

Briana Donaldson: 01:15

Yeah. I mean, me too.

Danielle Schleese: 01:17

No. I think I think the topic today of identities, cycles, and change is just like a very prevalent Totally. Conversation to have because it's not just like in who we think we should show up as, but also where we're constantly challenged. Like, the roles that we're playing as, like, a mother, a daughter, an aunt, a sister, a wife A friend. A classmate.

Danielle Schleese: 01:40

Like, there's there's all these employee. Yeah. I remember there's actually this one time when I went to chapters and I just started, like, my self growth and spiritual journey. And I picked up a random book from a self help section because I've never really been into, like, fictional books. I've always been like, how can I improve or change myself or understand what's going on?

Danielle Schleese: 01:59

Right. And one of the first books I picked up and opened the page was those, like, roles that we play in this lifetime, and it was exactly that. It's like if you're not it's like, who are you really if you're not playing to be a friend, a mother, a girlfriend, a sister? I mean, whatever you identify as, there's always something that we kind of shift into. So it's like if you're at a restaurant and you're being served by a waitress, you're you're putting on this face and you're now being the server to somebody.

Danielle Schleese: 02:26

And there has to be professionalism. But then when you get out of that context, you might be cut off by that same person in traffic. You're like, fuck you. You know? But you're like, oh, that was my waitress.

Danielle Schleese: 02:35

You know

Briana Donaldson: 02:35

what I mean?

Danielle Schleese: 02:35

Like, depending on the role that you're playing in the situation that you're in, you're always kinda changing your personality and identity.

Briana Donaldson: 02:40

Right. Right.

Danielle Schleese: 02:41

But it's funny how we can kind of wear these masks and change who we

Briana Donaldson: 02:44

are and how we act and behave. It's actually so hilarious to hear hear you say that because my first thought is on such a macro scale. Okay. And I feel like that's such a micro scale. Like, oh, yeah.

Briana Donaldson: 02:56

Like, in such a simple moment, you can totally change. Whereas my first thought instantly goes to, like, literally feeling like who I am as a person is changing. Yes. Definitely. Like, rooted In radiance.

Briana Donaldson: 03:12

In in my life. You know? And, like, who I am now when I think about the version of the woman that I am now compared to the version of the woman that I was when I was 25

Danielle Schleese: 03:28

Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 03:29

When I was 30, when I was 25, when I was 20. I mean, those are completely different versions of yourself. And I think that one of the most beautiful things about life is that we do evolve and that we do you know, it's it's in our innate desire to want to change and grow and evolve and all of these things. But with that comes a lot of challenge with change. Yes.

Briana Donaldson: 03:55

And so how do we navigate it, and what does that look like for each individual? And what how can we navigate it with grace and be in the present and not be in fear of letting go of what was and really embracing and being present and becoming what is and who we now are? And let me tell you, this is this is not just an episode for moms, but that's gotta be one of the biggest ones. A 100%. When you become a mom for me, for sure, and definitely some of the some of my girlfriends that I've talked to, there's a period of time that you actually have to mourn your old life.

Danielle Schleese: 04:42

Yes. You have to warn you about that. Yeah. It's a real thing.

Briana Donaldson: 04:45

And then you don't know when you think that you're all good.

Danielle Schleese: 04:47

You're just, yeah, it's fine.

Briana Donaldson: 04:48

Yeah. You

Danielle Schleese: 04:48

don't know until you know.

Briana Donaldson: 04:50

You don't know until you go through it. Yeah. Yeah. That's a huge transition. But huge one.

Briana Donaldson: 04:55

And I mean, I think that there's just so many. And, you know, this is gonna sound so crazy. But there's this show out right now. I haven't even watched it, but I've heard about it. It's called Severance, where it's like, oh, your brain is basically severed in two and, like, your personalities, and you don't know about your other version of yourself.

Briana Donaldson: 05:11

So you, like, go to work as one person.

Danielle Schleese: 05:12

You're think I got a 100% on on Rotten Tomatoes.

Briana Donaldson: 05:15

There you go.

Danielle Schleese: 05:16

I've watched season one. I still have yet to watch season

Briana Donaldson: 05:18

two. See, haven't even watched any of it. But it kinda makes me think about, like, that I'm using that as a reference point Yep. Because it's kind of valid. Because it's like who your identity and who you are at work might be something completely different than who you are at home, who you are with your family.

Danielle Schleese: 05:36

Such a

Briana Donaldson: 05:36

great your friends. Yeah. Like, it's it's even though we we are aware of all of all of those areas of our life and who we are and how we show up in those areas of our life, it doesn't mean that there isn't this identity crisis potentially when entering all of those situations.

Danielle Schleese: 05:54

You know what's also interesting is I feel like we don't actually realize a lot of the time that we are going through this kind of identity shift when it happens. Like, are maybe signs that you're experiencing an identity shift. Like, you're starting to for instance, you're, like, growing from friendship. Like, let's say you've been friends with somebody for so long, but all of sudden you're starting to grow apart from them. Like, that could be a sign that your identity is starting to change.

Danielle Schleese: 06:19

Like, you're starting to shift interests and values and goals, and you're starting to go in different directions. Mhmm. You're also starting to relate to things in a different way and have different ideas. So these are all, like, signs that you're going through identity shifts, and none of it's negative by any means. It's like you said, it's all about the process of evolving and adaptation, which is exactly what humans are designed to do as far as

Briana Donaldson: 06:42

we know. Which is ironic because even though we're designed to evolve and change and shift into these new cycles, it can feel so, like, foreign. It can feel so uncomfortable. It can feel so challenging. Yeah.

Briana Donaldson: 06:55

But here's what I've learned. The one thing that I have learned in life is that those periods of time in our life that are so incredibly challenging and feel earth shattering Mhmm. And life, you like your life is falling apart or or you can't get a grasp on life or you don't know where you're headed or you feel lost or you feel confused, those are the periods of time that define us. Yeah. Those are the periods of time that build our traits, that build our strength, that build our our personality to become the version of us that we're meant to be.

Briana Donaldson: 07:38

So it's almost like going through these cycles is the hardest thing ever, but it's also what is most necessary for our greatest good. A 100%. And I feel like there's, like, different degrees of identity shifts. Like, for once, there's major life changes that happens that cause these things For sure. Like motherhood or Losing your job.

Danielle Schleese: 08:04

Losing something or somebody that you so much relate to and identify with that

Briana Donaldson: 08:12

that, like, you all

Danielle Schleese: 08:13

of sudden have to shift. You're a new person. You become

Briana Donaldson: 08:17

a new person. You do. When I so lost my dad, I'm not even joking you. Who I am now will never be at all or even close to who I was. Man.

Briana Donaldson: 08:33

Would you you would never think that before.

Danielle Schleese: 08:36

Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 08:37

But I

Danielle Schleese: 08:37

don't even notice. It's

Briana Donaldson: 08:38

like this whole new version of myself was birthed out of that experience. Yeah. And then I had a baby immediately after, not to laugh, but it's just kind of mind blowing to think about. And then I had a baby immediately after his loss. Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 08:51

And I became a new version of myself again. Those are two major life things that you went through. And I'm sure many

Danielle Schleese: 08:59

people out there go through, like, large life transitions as well at the same time is is something like a loss and then also a new role like a mother. Like, those are two massive degrees, but you had them, like, at the same time.

Briana Donaldson: 09:17

And during COVID. During COVID. In a city where I had no friends and no family because I just moved.

Danielle Schleese: 09:22

Yeah. And, like, not really having your close friends near you.

Briana Donaldson: 09:28

I mean,

Danielle Schleese: 09:28

you have some close friends, but not

Briana Donaldson: 09:29

like No. I didn't. When I lived in Minnesota. Oh, Minnesota. Yeah.

Briana Donaldson: 09:33

No. I had no one. Yeah. I've I made a friend, thankfully. But

Danielle Schleese: 09:36

Oh, a friend, thankfully. Yeah. Neighbor. But, yeah, those Those are pivotal moments that shift. But it's just like, how do we navigate through those massive changes without it breaking us down.

Danielle Schleese: 09:54

And I think there's so many factors to consider when going through something like that. Like, for instance, when you lost your your father, like, how did you navigate through that without going too much into?

Briana Donaldson: 10:05

Oh my gosh. Good question. I mean, it's a combination of things.

Danielle Schleese: 10:11

Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 10:11

I was also pregnant at the time, so I was very What about that? Aware of trying to kind of, like Be mindful of this person's I guess so. Like, be mindful of my feelings, but you can't really control your feelings Yeah. When it comes to something like that. So it was it was very much about giving myself permission to feel Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 10:35

When I felt like I had to. And then also giving myself the strength to hold myself keep myself strong when it also felt like

Danielle Schleese: 10:50

I had to. But, like, what does that look like by when you say give yourself permission and give yourself strength? What does that look like?

Briana Donaldson: 10:55

Well, I mean, at the time, like I said, it was COVID. We had moved to a new city. So I had no friends, no family. I was pregnant, just lost my dad very suddenly. And Josh, my husband, would go to work, and I would literally sit on the couch and cry and talk to him, talk to my dad and ask him, like, why did this you know?

Briana Donaldson: 11:16

Mhmm. Not to get too, you know, extreme I don't wanna say extreme because that's the reality of it, but not to get too emotional about it. But I had to give myself this period of time to let go of the feelings that were going to restrain me.

Danielle Schleese: 11:33

Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 11:34

Because I knew that this change in life of losing my dad was rebirthing something that I didn't know what it was, which was really scary.

Danielle Schleese: 11:44

Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 11:44

And then, of course, about to become a new mom for the very first time was terrifying. Oh, that's scary thing. Didn't And know and it was COVID, so that was scary. I didn't know what the future of life was now bringing a child into it. But it's actually really interesting.

Briana Donaldson: 12:01

My brother-in-law at one point called me and asked me. He was like, I have to ask you, like, how are you handling this all so well? Because I feel like everyone else in your family is kinda breaking down.

Danielle Schleese: 12:21

And I was like, I

Briana Donaldson: 12:22

don't feel like I'm handling it well at all. I don't know what you're talking about, but thanks. But I think what he meant by that was you find ways in these difficult and challenging times to navigate them so that you can still function and operate in life.

Danielle Schleese: 12:40

Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 12:41

But you also have to tune into a part of yourself that is much more spiritual. And you have to have these realizations that it's so much more than this physical world. It's so much more than this physical life. And how can I step outside of my world? How can I step outside of my life and look inward and believe that this is for my greatest good?

Briana Donaldson: 13:05

Yeah. This everything that is happening is not happening to me, but it's happening for me because it's going to build me into the person that I am meant to be in this lifetime.

Danielle Schleese: 13:16

So true. It's like building upon layers of conditioning of who you have always been. Mhmm. And there's like a quote where it's like human beings, they like comfort, but you can never reach your greatest potential and grow in those states of comfort. And going through shifts like that and experiences like that, like, can only imagine.

Danielle Schleese: 13:41

I mean, the only thing I can relate to is becoming a mother. Right? But going through something like that and having to mourn a life of that is something that's all you know into something that you have yet to discover what is going to become is it could be frightening. And it I would say unsettling, if anything, because you're having to find that balance of, like, acceptance that things are about to shift in a way that you have no idea of how they're about to shift. Because human beings, they like

Briana Donaldson: 14:16

predictability. Diving into the unknown is a terrifying place to be. It's like

Danielle Schleese: 14:20

jumping into a dark ocean that could be shark infested. Literally is. You could get bit by a shark, but you could also not. You could thrive and find a new land.

Briana Donaldson: 14:30

In your name.

Danielle Schleese: 14:30

Please don't. I'm so terrified. Must have been killed by a shark in the left hand because that sound already is traumatizing, or I've just seen Jaws too many times. Maybe. But, yeah, I would say back to the identity shifts of, like, my own relatability, the new motherhood one for me is a massive one, and I think for a lot of women out there because motherhood is really like a rite of passage.

Danielle Schleese: 14:56

It is a a game changer in the world, but that's not, like, the only way we can identify with this kind of topic or connect to these type of cycles because this could be in any kind

Briana Donaldson: 15:10

of degree and any kind of level as well. I mean, I think that a big part of that from a woman's perspective is, like, constantly feeling this pressure. Like, you have to I don't wanna say conform, but, like, you have to fill so many roles, and you have to act like you're all good doing it all the time. Mhmm. I saw this Instagram video.

Briana Donaldson: 15:42

Oh my gosh. I have to re I I think I reposted it. I can't remember. But it was basically like, do you know how many times women hide in the bathroom or in the pantry in their closet to cry in the middle of the day because they just need to? Like, do you know how many times they do that and then come out wiping their face acting like nothing's wrong?

Briana Donaldson: 16:05

Continue cooking dinner, changing diapers, making what you know, cleaning the what going to work, acting like everything's freaking normal after you have those breakdowns? Because we can't handle it all and expect to feel normal after. Like, we can't handle all of these pressures and all of these external pressures upon us without having some kind of an emotional response. But then why do we have to feel like, oh, it's all good after? Like, why is society not supporting us and saying it's okay.

Briana Donaldson: 16:44

Like, it's okay to feel emotional when you're going through change. It is okay to feel like you have to have why is it why is it called a breakdown?

Danielle Schleese: 16:53

I feel like change too is such a subtle shift. It's almost like hormones. Like, you know, when you're getting your period? Ugh. I feel like unless you're so in tune with your cycle and the shifts of those Love that.

Danielle Schleese: 17:04

It's like all of a sudden you feel like you need to burst into tears and you have no idea and you feel like something's wrong with you. But it's really just like, oh, you're, you know, your body's connecting and communicating with you. And I'm not supposed to show this weakness. Yeah. It's time to slow down, but I'm not going to slow down because I have to do these things, which is, like, literally what we were just talking about in our previous episode.

Danielle Schleese: 17:24

But it's all connected. Right? Kinda all just like waterfalls into the next thing. But it's also so funny because whenever we think of a story or statistic, I'm like, I heard a statistic or I heard the story, but usually it's a TikTok or an Instagram reel. But so true because it's like we always say that these days, oh, I read this article, but it's usually like I saw TikTok.

Briana Donaldson: 17:43

Yeah. Yeah. It's too Saw this thing.

Danielle Schleese: 17:46

There's so many so many great relatable pieces of content out there that anyway, can connect with a lot of people. But, like, when you were talking and you were saying, like, it's it's a spiritual thing. Right? Like, it's a spiritual connection. It's a growth.

Danielle Schleese: 17:58

Like, what does that mean?

Briana Donaldson: 18:01

Well, I think that no human is brought to this earth intending to stay the same. That's not what life is about. I mean, you look at any one human, they're going to evolve and grow in one way or another. Obviously, physically, we grow throughout life and then we shrink.

Danielle Schleese: 18:25

Sift your ears and your nose. Apparently, those things keep growing.

Briana Donaldson: 18:28

Never stop. But also mentally and emotionally and spiritually, the things that transpire through your life and your ex life experiences are going to shift and change the way you think, feel, function, and and put yourself out into the world. And I think that sometimes what happens is that when we enter these more massive shifts and these more massive periods of time, it can feel very overwhelming. But we what's important I think is that we reconnect with source. Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 19:03

And we reconnect with the deepest parts of ourself and understanding, like I said earlier, like, this is for my greatest good. This is for my greatest good because my purpose in this life, in this lifetime, on this planet, in this body is to have these experiences so that I can take those experiences and mold myself and and gain strength in ways that I didn't know existed before those experiences Yeah. To become who I'm meant to be. Because every human has we all have a purpose in life. It's just a matter of whether we are brave enough, strong enough, intuitive enough to follow that path.

Briana Donaldson: 19:52

And I think often when people go through struggle, they allow it to take over their life. They allow it to be their identity.

Danielle Schleese: 20:01

Yes.

Briana Donaldson: 20:02

They allow it to take them down. They they go through the rest of their life being the person that got hit by a car, being the person that lost their parents young, being the person that lost their job and lost their home, being the person that had and I'm not taking away from people that go through struggle in life. Don't get me wrong.

Danielle Schleese: 20:26

Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 20:26

But everyone is going to have a struggle in life to some degree. And it is up to you whether you choose to allow that to be your identity

Danielle Schleese: 20:36

Yes.

Briana Donaldson: 20:37

Or whether you choose to allow that to be the thing that makes you become the identity that you want. That's such a good thought, Brianna. Well said. I'm thinking I'm like, that I feel like that's a question that's, like, asked in school or something. Like, let's say

Danielle Schleese: 20:57

an essay topic that's like, what is your identity? Mhmm. What would you answer? I'm like, that is such a tough question. You know, changes.

Danielle Schleese: 21:07

Rather than it being something physical like, oh, I am a

Briana Donaldson: 21:11

Pageant queen. I know

Danielle Schleese: 21:14

why. I am a I don't know why it's so funny. Am a like, what's the first thing you'd say? You'd probably be like, I am a mother. Number one.

Danielle Schleese: 21:21

And then you would follow that up by a profession or a hobby or interest. I'm for me, I'm a mother. I'm an artist. I'm a sister. So you're identifying roles Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 21:32

That you play in this life versus, like, who are you? Who that's such a tough question. Like but

Briana Donaldson: 21:40

I will say this too. For me personally, something that has helped me to answer that question for myself is my spiritual work.

Danielle Schleese: 21:52

Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 21:52

Is the work that I do, my very, very intentional work that I do with myself and my coach, my spiritual coach, because what that allows is a space for me to only think about that question. In that space, whether it's in my own time or with my spiritual coach, it allows me these moments in time to really think about that and nothing else. Because those would we have those moments?

Danielle Schleese: 22:29

Those moments just in in that identity. You're in that cycle. Like Constantly. For instance, I I have to just keep going back to motherhood because this is the phase that you and I are in. We're both young new moms.

Briana Donaldson: 22:39

Of

Danielle Schleese: 22:39

course. And this is, like, beyond and we're both full time at home. Like, this is be it's not just full time. It's like beyond full time. Right?

Danielle Schleese: 22:48

So you don't have a moment to really think outside of yourself. And this is kind of connecting back to the episode that we just had talked about before, which is really kind of fulfilling that role and having to be so present all the time that you kind of neglect that self, like that identity of self. And I see this, like, right now with myself. Like, I'm you have to show up constantly, but I find myself, like, struggling to do that all the time. But that also is my identity.

Danielle Schleese: 23:20

Like, this is the moment of my life. They're only gonna be young for so long, and then they're gonna be grown up and out of the house and adults.

Briana Donaldson: 23:27

Like that quote says, you're gonna know your kids as adults Yes. For a long time, but you're only gonna know them as

Danielle Schleese: 23:33

little kids for a very brief moment. Short time. And it feels like forever. Like, you know, when they're first born, like, why

Briana Donaldson: 23:39

the other quote? The days are long, but the years are short. I could not find Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 23:44

There's a lot of quotes that

Briana Donaldson: 23:45

I have, like, once becoming a parent. I'm like, woah. And now I get it.

Danielle Schleese: 23:48

They really hit you hard. Like, it takes a village. It it seriously? Oh my gosh. This is, again, a whole other topic.

Danielle Schleese: 23:57

Like, taking a village and and creating a system that works. Like, we're gonna get into this, like, another time because I don't wanna go too far off the path of, like, the topic we wanna discuss today, but just, like, having that support system and community. And women today, even, like, as young mothers cannot function without having some sort of support. But yet a lot of the times, a lot of women don't, and there's no system to have that. But, yeah, I feel like maybe there's this bigger disconnect that we have because

Briana Donaldson: 24:29

we are putting so much pressure to have a definition of that phrase? Like, who am I identifying as? I do feel as though one of the things that must be carried and must be prominent and prevalent and at the forefront through every cycle and through every shift and through every change in life is authenticity. Because when you're going through these extremely challenging moments and challenging times in life, you always have to bring it back to, like, what is the most authentic version of myself and how can I nurture her? Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 25:14

And how can I show up for her in the ways that she needs in this moment? And I don't wanna fight her. I don't wanna show up for everyone else when I'm going through a hard time because I think naturally, often, that's what we do as women and as moms. But if I'm feel like I'm going through this massive change, if I feel like I'm going through a new cycle is beginning, how can I best show up for myself to be my most authentic version of myself? Because that's that is, I believe, that how we can transition through those moments and through those times with the most grace.

Briana Donaldson: 25:56

Because who are we if we're not authentic? If we're not authentic, we are fighting ourselves the whole way through. We are in a battle with our own selves all the way through every change in cycle. You know what this makes me think of? Tell me.

Briana Donaldson: 26:11

I wanna know.

Danielle Schleese: 26:13

Makes you think of when I first was starting to date Gabe. And, you know, when you, like, start dating somebody new and

Briana Donaldson: 26:21

you feel like you need to be someone that you're not?

Danielle Schleese: 26:23

In a way. Right?

Briana Donaldson: 26:24

Like Of course.

Danielle Schleese: 26:25

Like, they like you because they like you, but, like, you wanna always show up as the best version of yourself. Right? So it's like you cannot let them see the flaws. Like, you cannot let

Briana Donaldson: 26:32

Don't them fart. That's exactly what I was

Danielle Schleese: 26:35

gonna say. Like, because you I don't know. I I guess it's like the reward or the attention or, like, the love. You want the success Of course. Of the best version of yourself to reap the rewards to for in for in this case, like the love, the attention from Gabe.

Danielle Schleese: 26:50

So for me, I'm like, I had to hold in my gas for months. Literally, I would leave his house with cramps because I was like, I gotta go flip the laundry. Like, I would come up with a weird excuse. The laundry already. Because I'm like, I cannot stay here a moment longer without exploding.

Danielle Schleese: 27:15

I'm like, I can't let obviously, now we're, like, engaged, have children. Eventually, like, I have to be authentic. Yeah. Yeah. And having IBS whatever it was I was experiencing at the time.

Danielle Schleese: 27:27

But at the end of the day, he, like, he loved me for it. Right? But it's just saying, like, we have to we we feel like we have to shift and shape ourselves into these roles and Totally. Personas to receive. And usually, it kind of all boils down to the same thing, which is love in one way, shape, or form or another, whether that be like reward or attention or anything.

Danielle Schleese: 27:51

But to me, that's just, like, what popped to my brain by being authentic and It's true. And playing a role of, like, a new interest, a love interest, a girl. Or

Briana Donaldson: 28:00

I could not I could not agree and relate more. I mean, I think that when you are going through changes and when you're entering new experiences, it's only natural to be like I don't wanna say nervous, but like

Danielle Schleese: 28:14

You're almost judging yourself in that moment. Like, you're like, I was looking at myself. Right. What would I think of her? I'd be like, ew, cringe or whatever.

Danielle Schleese: 28:22

Ew, cringe. Like,

Briana Donaldson: 28:25

I no. Yeah. For sure. And, like and you and you're questioning your own self, and you're being like, oh, when you I mean, how many times did were we getting ready to go out or go do something and be, like, checking ourselves in the mirror and be like, ugh. And I'm

Danielle Schleese: 28:41

like You're nitpicking at the tiniest, smallest things.

Briana Donaldson: 28:43

Does it actually matter? Because who I am as a person is a 100% gonna reflect the energy that I put out there and what I'm gonna get back. Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 28:51

I mean, what you just said sums up, like, a massive topic going into, like again, I'm always gonna bring it back to VA standards and beauty images too because that's just, like, where all my past expertise focus had lied. But, like, yeah, being concerned about how we present ourselves on an external level and then the the attention we receive. And, again, you're playing a role in identity, and nobody has any clue of who you are and what you have to offer and what your personality is like because they're looking at you instantly at a glance. And And

Briana Donaldson: 29:22

a half.

Danielle Schleese: 29:22

That's even like Instagram and social media.

Briana Donaldson: 29:24

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a whole other

Danielle Schleese: 29:26

That's a whole lot. We got

Briana Donaldson: 29:27

That's a whole lot. Dive down. But here's one thing I will say. I feel infinitely grateful for somehow having parents that raised me to not feel like I had to be someone else. I don't know how they did it.

Briana Donaldson: 29:45

I really don't. I I've asked

Danielle Schleese: 29:46

Well, describe that a bit more. Like, what what do you mean by that? I was tall. I was a

Briana Donaldson: 29:51

bit weird looking. I was kinda pudgy. I was weird. I was artsy. I was into theater.

Briana Donaldson: 29:58

I was, like, I was not, like, the typical, for all of you not watching on video, in quotations, cool girl.

Danielle Schleese: 30:06

And there was no social media, though, at this time too.

Briana Donaldson: 30:08

Right? No.

Danielle Schleese: 30:08

Was, like, you were not on social media looking at

Briana Donaldson: 30:10

other people. And I'm talking, like, when I was, like, 12, 13, 15, 14, whatever. But I never felt less than ever. That's amazing. Like, no.

Briana Donaldson: 30:22

I had an older sister. Did I maybe have that little bit of competition or whatever with her? I think that that's natural. But I never went to school feeling like, oh, like, I don't think people are gonna like me. I don't know.

Briana Donaldson: 30:40

I don't know. And and maybe that sounds conceited in a way, but I was always a weirdo but never felt like it. Like or or maybe I did, but I was alright with it. Like, I went to school every day being like, oh, I'm gonna be friends with everyone. I'm gonna chat with everyone, and I did.

Briana Donaldson: 30:59

I did. I literally went into

Danielle Schleese: 31:01

as a young teen. Yeah. Like today's society, like, I can't even imagine growing up with social media, like, what young girls have to grow up with today because I can only imagine, like, the the turmoil one must go through, not only as a parent watching their young daughter go through something like that, but also as a as a girl. Like, even a woman today in society, like, having to look at social media and, like, be bombarded with now being in my mid thirties, what am I targeted for? Anti aging cream.

Danielle Schleese: 31:29

If if you see this meme and you used to own this blow up chair in your room, it's time for eye cream. It's time

Briana Donaldson: 31:35

for this.

Danielle Schleese: 31:36

Where it's like, oh, maybe it is. And you're starting to notice wrinkles more or gray hairs more. And that's fearful because not only are you changing your identity from who you've always been and seen yourself as physically, but now you're shifting into, like, different roles and, like, cycles of your life that you no longer identify. We're like, oh, I you know those memes where they're like, I identify as 18, but then I hang out with an 18 year old and you're like, oh god. I'm definitely not 18.

Danielle Schleese: 31:59

Yeah. Yeah. Where it's just like you you connect with it because you don't really realize how fast the time's going. But also, it's just like time really does shift, but it doesn't mean that because we're in a different phase now than when we were 18, we're not just as challenged Right. With that change Right.

Danielle Schleese: 32:14

Than we were when we were 18 or, like, a young girl now who's going through something like comparison on social media

Briana Donaldson: 32:20

and stuff. Think the question is then, like, how do we find support internally and externally when going through these stages?

Danielle Schleese: 32:31

Yeah. A 100%. And Or where

Briana Donaldson: 32:34

do we find support? Right. And so I think honestly, I think that that's a massive part of why we started this show.

Danielle Schleese: 32:42

Mhmm. Because

Briana Donaldson: 32:45

you and I have gone through every stage of life together. So true. And we have we have flourished, but we've also had massive struggles. We've had some really, really hard times within our friendship as individuals, as women Mhmm. As partners.

Briana Donaldson: 33:03

And I hope that we can explore all of that Oh, we will. You know, as as this season and as the show goes on. But what were our solutions? You know? Like, how did we get to be who we are today and where we are today?

Briana Donaldson: 33:22

And I don't like, honestly, I mean, we were just talking about it in the kitchen. Like, I looked at Danielle, and I got emotional because I was like, I would not be here if it wasn't for you. I would not be here if it wasn't for you. And that speaks volumes to what kind of support women can give each other.

Danielle Schleese: 33:44

Mhmm.

Briana Donaldson: 33:44

That speaks volumes to what we truly need in our hearts and in our souls and in our minds and in our lives

Danielle Schleese: 33:51

lives. As

Briana Donaldson: 33:51

women. Mhmm. Like, we are aching for support through these changes, and we can give it to each other.

Danielle Schleese: 34:01

Even if we're not aware of it. Because some like, I think it's such a natural thing for women to take on everything. For sure. Because we can handle anything. We can.

Danielle Schleese: 34:14

Resilient. Resilient. Resilient. Wow. That was actually pretty good.

Danielle Schleese: 34:21

But we could actually it's just I think it's just a natural trait for women. Like Yeah. Take on, take on, take on, take on. And we I don't think we really realize, and you said this to me before, like, how much your soul needs it and how much and even, like, one of her best friends, like, when we get together, and every time she comes and gets together with us, she's always like, I needed this. Like Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 34:45

Our my soul needs this. And same thing with me when I'm with my girls. I'm just like, I didn't realize, like, how impactful this support system is. Hence. But I feel like when I'm on my own, I'm like, could do it.

Danielle Schleese: 34:56

I'm good. I'm okay. Right. I'm on my own. Right.

Danielle Schleese: 34:57

I'm a homebody. I'm independent. I'm on my own. And you don't realize it, and then something happens where it's just like

Briana Donaldson: 35:04

Feel like you're breaking down.

Danielle Schleese: 35:05

You break down, but in different ways. Like, it comes through different allies. It could be a snap at your partner. It could just be like you're exhausted and you get sick. There's so many different expressions of your body or your world telling you that you need support, whether that's through sleep or through friends or through mothers or family or whatever Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 35:24

That looks like. But, like, you're going back to your original thought, like, community and kind of creating this show, like, this is exactly why we wanted to start something like this and start conversations about these topics is because we wanna open up a space, a safe space to kind of challenge and question why things are the way they are and mostly based off of our own experience because we're not experts in these specific fields. We just know what we know because of what we've gone through. And we wanna these are things we talk about all the time with each other anyway. Yeah.

Danielle Schleese: 35:53

And our girlfriends. And I think they're important conversations to be had. Hence why we started the goddess calls. Yes. Every single month as often I mean, as often as we can remember.

Briana Donaldson: 36:03

Like, doing these calls with our girls either on the new moon or the full moon and asking each other really deep questions so that we can show up for each other in support. The deep questions are so important, though, because when you don't see when you How was your day?

Danielle Schleese: 36:20

Yeah. Fine. What'd you do last week?

Briana Donaldson: 36:22

How's life lately? Good. Yeah. Like, we need to

Danielle Schleese: 36:26

break it to you.

Briana Donaldson: 36:28

Ain't it. No. There's no deep That ain't it. You have to literally look at the people that are important in your life and say, what kind of changes are you experiencing? How are you feeling about them?

Briana Donaldson: 36:42

And how can I support you through them?

Danielle Schleese: 36:43

Yeah. Because we're all going through it. And then also just building that trust, you know, being able to trust somebody and and finding this a person or a space where you can lean into and be vulnerable with. Because vulnerability, like we kind of touched upon earlier, is just Discourage. Like may be discouraged and kind of seen as a little bit of a weakness, but it is just it it's a part of our makeup.

Danielle Schleese: 37:08

It's part of our human makeup, and it's a part of building us to our best selves, which is ultimately where we all want to be Yeah. And experience Mhmm. And in in alliance with each other. Anyway, I think I think there's so much more to talk about when it comes to identity and these cycles that we shift. Like, we could go on and on about cycles when it comes to, like, women and their literal cycles being That'll be that'll be another episode.

Danielle Schleese: 37:38

Whole other episode and Or season. Who knows? We're we're excited to really bring on some experts and some other amazing people who can really, like who who do this work for a living and really share some wisdom because we just wanna continue to grow and be your best selves. And we're just so grateful to have you guys here with us and share these thoughts and have these conversations that need to be had and need to be spoken about. So We hope that you tune in for next episode.

Danielle Schleese: 38:11

Yep. You can find us on all standard social media platforms, all listening podcasts, whether it be audio or visual. We're on both if you wanna take a peek. Yep. We are at the Honey Toast podcast.

Danielle Schleese: 38:24

And stay tuned. We release an episode every Tuesday, and we are so grateful to have you here with us. We're very excited to bring you along for the journey and the ride. And make sure to send us a DM or just comment on Instagram. We're very active over there, and we would love to hear from you if this resonated with with you at all or if you have any questions or you just wanna spark a conversation.

Danielle Schleese: 38:41

Brie and I are very active on there, and we would just love to connect. So make sure you reach out and share with a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a girlfriend or anybody in your life that you think would resonate with this type

Briana Donaldson: 38:52

of topic. Anybody. Dust bunny in the corner of your room.

Danielle Schleese: 38:58

A little dust bunny. Anyway, thank you guys so much, and we look forward to talking to you again very soon. Honeys, out.