The First Book Of Boogedy - Chapter Three

Show Notes

In this, the third chapter of, THE FIRST BOOK OF BOOGEDY, our hero, SAM meets the most horrendous creature in the universe; THE SCHOOL BULLY and begins to understand why everyone should have a copy of, THE ULTIMATE, DEFINITIVE, NEVER TO BE BETTERED, BIG BOOK OF WORDS.

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On a bright, summers day, about a month after beginning at his new school, Samuel had found himself running as if his life depended on it.
This was not something he had planned, you understand, but as with many things that happen in this funny little place we call life, Sam had little choice in the matter. The reason why he was running for his life was quite simple and had everything to do with the three boys chasing after him. These ‘boys’ were most definitely not his friends and, in actual fact, were not friendly in any way imaginable.
If Sam had owned a copy of The Ultimate, Definitive, Never To Be Bettered, Big Book Of Words, he might have found a name for these boys within it. It would have sat between the words, Brumgiggler (an ancient Neptunian occupation which involved a large stick, a small Falph and many bandages) and Bumtastic (an adjective describing something which is of an odd and often foul flavour, for example, “that manure flavoured ice cream was quite bumtastic wasn’t it?”). The word that Sam would have discovered in the pages of that book, was this one;

BULLY

The Ultimate, Definitive, Never To Be Bettered, Big Book Of Words defines a bully as “a mean natured, small brained and ill mannered mammal, who is a direct descendant of the Gorilla and smells bad for no apparent reason.” In short, bullies are awful and Sam was beginning to realise that they needed little reason to be so. Having found some peace in being alone around the schoolyard, Sam did not realise that this very action would bring him to the attention of Lucas Wilson.
Lucas Wilson was the A grade, world champion, premier bully of the entire school. In fact, Lucas Wilson was recognised as the most stupendous bully ever seen in all of the schools in the entire area. It was rumoured that so effective a bully was he, that even the teachers were forced to give him their lunch money. It was whispered, in private circles, that he had once, at the zoo, bullied a rhinocerous until it cried and it was even said that he had spent time in jail due to the severity of his wedgies. Lucas was a legend, but not a very nice one.
Of course, he did not perform these terrible deeds all alone, as bullying of that magnitude usually requires some form of assistance. This assistance came in the form of the two goons who followed Lucas everywhere he went; Jimmy Nuggets and Orson, The Bear.
Orson The Bear was a bully because he was as big as a house and not much good at anything else, whereas, Jimmy did it because he was little and had gotten tired of being pushed around himself. All three of them were as mean and cruel as a pirahna with a headache, but Lucas… Lucas was a different kind of mean altogether.
Lucas was angry. Always.
And when I say angry, I don’t just mean, “OW! I’ve just hit my thumb with a hammer” angry.
No.
Lucas was angry from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to sleep. In fact, Lucas was probably angry even while he slept, and most likely spent his nights furiously chewing on his pillow and snorting the stuffing out through his nose. Even when he was happy, Lucas was mad, because deep down inside, being angry was what made Lucas happiest of all.
So that, my friends, was how Sam unexpectedly found himself running for his life that day.
And that was why Sam’s life would never be the same again.